BLANK CHEQUE

Servicing for (Extreme) Dummies - 20 October 2001

The first service for the truck was a somewhat interesting experience. Not that it is the first service Chugger has ever had but it was the first that I've done in a very long time and the basics had skidded out of my mind shortly after the last one was completed.
Buying the parts was easy enough - head down to the spares shop, find the friendliest person, drag them out to the truck and say: "She has a foul heart. What bits do I need to exorcise the demons that keep belching smoke from her behind?"
Two fuel filters (one a very fine one), an air filter, oil filter and 10 litres of oil later - and about R200 poorer - I trudged home and pulled the lever that opened the chest cavity. Fortunately, things weren't as bad as they seemed - I at least knew where to find the bits I needed to hoik out and replace with clean, expensive new bits so that they could rapidly become as gungy and clogged as their predecessors.
First, lie on my back and do the shoulder dance to wriggle myself under the car to undo the sump plug (don't worry if the technical terms are foreign to you! I picked them up listening to real mechanics, and I'm just showing off!). The shrug back out when I remember that I need a spanner. Repeat this two or three times until I find the correct spanner and commence, gingerly, undoing the nut while expecting at any moment to have hot, filthy oil spewing all over the place.

No Problem - Yet
Success, I got the plug out without dropping it into the bucket which was catching the oil - and I only got one hand covered in oil.
Next, take the oil filter off. A simple procedure involving the need to lean over the side of the truck into the engine bay - standing, because of the height of the 4x4 monster and the shortness of myself, rather like a hot pants-clad pinup model trying to earn her place in a mechanic's girlie calendar, grasp the old oil filter firmly and unscrew. Easier said than done, given that I'm the original fake version of a 98-pound weakling, the fact that the oil filter is hot (you can't change the oil when it's cold, dummy!) and that it's coated in oil, giving you zero grip.
Finally got that off and discovered that you can't take the oil filter off without spilling LOTS of black, ukky oil all over the place. Next step was to change the air cleaner. Yippee! something even I can do - unclip the cover, unscrew the wingnut holding the filter in place, take out and replace the new one in reverse order.

Fuelled You
"I'm getting the hang of this," I thought. "There's not much to all this and the hardest part seems to be avoiding getting oil under the finger nails!" Then came the fuel filters. Stumped. Completely. Removal of any, or all, of the bolts failed to result in separation of the relevant doodads (another technical term us vehicular-dismantling-but-can't-put-back-together-again types bandy about!). Referring back to my sources, those long-suffering people who told me what to do in the first place, informed me that I needed to unscrew the filter holders. Nice try, guys. Even pulling my red undies on over my blue tracksuit pants didn't help in moving the bits.
So there are still two fuel filters (one a very fine one) sitting in the back of Chugger and I'm consoling myself that maybe I won't have to buy another two for the next service - or the one after that, if I'm really lucky.
Next step is to put the sump plug back in and fill the beast with oil. Ever tried pouring oil out of one of those five litre oil canisters? Ever managed not to spill? I'd swear the oil manufacturers design the canisters especially to frustrate people. The oil either shoots out, way past the target, then the stream dies to gloop down the other side of the engine block. This process repeats itself until the engine is completely coated and protected by oil, on the outside, and a final dribble goes into the engine.

Blot on the Landscape
This explains why you need to buy the second canister. Once this process is complete, it comes time to start the engine and look for leaks and top up with the final half litre of oil. Logic says its not worth putting the oil filler cap back on if you're just going to take it off to add more oil. The Rorschach ink blot patterns on the underside of the bonnet, all over the engine and decorating your face suggest otherwise as large drops of oil are spluttered from the filler hole every time the engine turns over.
Finally, three days down the line and several oil filter removals and replacements, with consequent spillage of black treacly gunge everywhere, later, I've discovered that four bricks reduced the butt-in-air-pinup syndrome, earth under the car absorbs the gallons of leaked oil a lot better than does newspaper (just as well, considering Africa) and that damned oil filter is going to leak as long as I'm the one doing the servicing.
Wish us luck!