Today my emotions have been up and down... maybe it's PMS... I should be do for that about now... and blaming it on that seems to make sense. I'll just have to see if I feel any different in about a week.
Maybe I just need some sleep, but I don't want to go to bed. I don't know... I sort of just want to cry right now... no reason... I just do. I'd say I'm depressed, but I'm not. It's just that I'm perhaps a little sad... or frustrated... it's hard to tell.
Not to mention I feel an uneasy anger too. Anger at people who don't necessarily do anything... just live... and that pisses me off. ::curses lightly:: Maybe I shouldn't have taken off my away message. I had two IMs, both from porn sites. Why the hell are they stalking me? (Remember the Cindy person I mentioned before Hikaru? That's one of the porn people)
I'm not in a necessarily social mood, but I feel like talking. And ironically, HAX isn't IMing me. I don't know either to feel sad or not about that. I think what he said earlier applies now. I think I just need a hug... quite pathetic, right? And that just makes me even sadder... makes the tears come faster...
I guess I'm sort of glad my mom went to bed already. I wouldn't want her to see me like this... not even knowing what I'm feeling, why, or anything. Or maybe, I just need some asprin... I took some yesterday and the day before for the muscle aches after all the walking at the festival. Ugh... crying always makes my head hurt... so it hurts more now... dammit.
I just wish I would do something besides sitting here and thinking... I don't want to think right now. My thoughts are not welcome company at the moment. Not in the least. So I guess I should be cursing him right now for not IMing me. Yet, it's too easy for me to press the damn button that says IM... but I don't.
I have so many things I could be doing, but I procrastinate... I've always done that. Except it seems to get worse as I think of more things I could be doing with my semi-precious time. I could be looking for a job, I could be reading a book, I could be watching some anime, I could be IMing HAX, I could call Hikaru-chan, I could clean my room, I could revise my story, I could watch TV like a mindless drone, I could go get some asprin and juice, I could go sleep, I could be doing anything... yet I'm not.
I finished reading a book earlier, a romance novel since I finished reading Princess Bride a little before it. It involved some people and their high school reunion and that makes me wonder what my own would be like. Would people put such perceptions on you, and when you fail to meet their standards... why do people feel like they have to meet their standards. Why can't they just go in and say "This is me, I haven't really done anything and I'm happy."
::blinks:: He finally IMed me. It's nice when someone tries to lift your spirits. :) I guess I should stop my line of thought now and talk to him for awhile before going to bed. Later!
PMS is a horribly confusing thing. Emotions go crazy. I hate it and wish it would die a horrible fucking death! -_-