Ailil- You never heard of them? That’s not too surprising, these furkers are, from what I can grasp, related to House Eiluned. Their colors are Black and Silver too, with a dragon on it, isn’t that muy macho? Apparently, where some other Houses are warriors, lovers, sorcerers, or what have you, THESE guys are Politicians. Naturally, with that said, it should come as no surprise it’s an Unseelie House.
Oh, they’re smoother than lubricant or the runs from dirty water all right. They speak of how they’ve been cheated of their rightful “half of the year”, one moment, then turn around and tell you they’re here to free you from Seelie Oppression the next. It’s amazing, I think the blessing the Dreaming gives them must be the ability to talk out of both sides of their mouths at once, and send completely different furkin messages. Worse thing is, you find yourself believing it.
They’ve got a serious hate on for Gwydion, say the falcons plan to kill them, I know, a lot of you out there are thinking, “Wouldn’t that be nice? One House of snobs gets undone by wiping out another obnoxious House. Huzzah!” but I’m taking it with a grain of salt, sounds like a #$#$ sympathy ploy to me. Besides, I’m not sure they don’t deserve it. These sons of bitches are so arrogant; they make House Gwydion look almost humble. You heard me, they can’t admit when they’re wrong, and, if you prove it, they get ‘nasty’. I know all sidhe are full of themselves, but these guys take it to extremes.
My advice in dealing with them? Eiluned and Ailil have one thing in common, you can always tell when they’re trying to use you, their lips move. Of course, if you disbelieve everything they say, they’ll catch on, and start saying something they want you to disbelieve. Best bet is just assume some how, some way, they’re yanking you around. If one pisses you off, inform your local Seelie Houses they’re in the territory, let them earn those holds they swiped. Conversely, if you end up liking one, fine and dandy, but make sure any Oath you enter with them has a loophole, cuz I assure you, the ones they take already will.
Balor- Another Unseelie House, don’t ask me, maybe the Winter Houses got the first part of the garflunken alphabet for a reason. Anyways, these guys have the chutzpah to name themselves after a frickin Fomorian; Balor of the One Eye, offed by his own Grandson, Lugh, who may or may not have relations to House Gwydion. This would make House Gwydion and Balor brothers, for the snakes also claim relation to Lugh. Just a side note, do NOT mention this idea to the @##$#$ing Gwyds unless you are looking to set them off.
Anywho, these lazabouts fancy themselves the bad boys of the Sidhe. They prance about (they would prefer to call it swagger, or something cooler, but sidhe of any House mostly prance, they just make it look good) thumbing their noses at custom and acting like a bunch bored teenagers who’s mommy or daddy will get them out of trouble if they go too far. Of course, they claim their invaluable, guarding the trods and such, and some do. I’ll give them credit. Of course, so do the Jarhead Trolls, and you don’t see them getting a House for it do you?
It gets more interesting, or more horrifying. These guys have a real knack for Cold Iron, yeah, the soul bane metal, yadda yadda. Anyways, I’ve seen more than one walking about with the stuff in a boot or or in a waist band, acting like it were a damn trinket. Obviously, these guys aren’t well in the head, carrying that stuff around.
Hmm.. let me restate that, these daffodils aren’t right, period. See, one way to tell a Balor is they’re always missed up one way or another. Their bodies could be warped and twisted, they could be raving loons, or they could have a really unhealthy attraction to sleeping with mother. Someway, somehow, a Balor is kind of a freak show. Maybe they were so damn concerned with their family tree, they forgot to let it branch a little.
How to deal with @#$#$ twisted sisters? Best you don’t… even the ones that have the glowing red eyes or other body things aren’t fully well in the head. Let them wander the trods, stay out of their way, and hope they stay out of yours. Oh, and if they offer to help you with their trods, well, it’s your call, they have shown a good track record, but frankly, one has to ask who’s the bigger monster, the Chimera out there, or the Balor themselves.
Dougal- the closest group of Sidhe to understanding the Nocker Mindset, and ergo, the only worth cuck! Mind you, they can get on my furkin nerves sometimes horning in on my kith’s business, but at least they appreciate craftsmanship. Actually, more than a few Nockers are in House Dougal, but sadly any good we do to help the elves out is usually undone by incompetent boggans that also sneaked in. Hell, they’ll let a crotch sniffing Pooka into the House if he’s got talent in crafting.
Talent is one thing they have themselves, let a Dougal go at a forge, or what have you, and he’ll put his heart, glamour and soul into the effort. They can be strong willed sons of bitches (and daughters of bitches, wouldn’t want to leave the ladies out would we?). Their determination during labor or craft is nigh legendary. Also, they’re one of the few Houses that are looking at modern Science without curling into a little ball and sucking their thumb.
They pay a price for it mind, Sometime after joining the House, the Dreaming takes a body part, or inflicts some other physical ‘Opps’ on you, if you didn’t have one already. Supposedly that’s tied to how they became a ‘House’ in the first furkin’ place. Got to give the gimps credit, they lose an arm, they just build a new one out of Chimerical silver or what not.
They’re the crafters of the Sidhe, and being the only sidhe who DO anything worth doing, they naturally end up getting ignored until some whiney Fiona or Gwyd needs a sword forged, or Eiluned needs a crystal orb blown. Then suddenly its “Oh good Journeyman, would you..” or “Dear Baroness, you are known as a Master in your House and rightly so..”. Poor schmucks usually fall for this sort of praise every time. Good thing they have some nockers in their midst, or they’d keep getting had by the other Houses. Of course, it never hurts to pay the schlocks some praise yourself. Usually their work’s passable enough where you can honestly say it’s not total drek. Oh, don’t joke to them how they get the best parking spaces, they got no @#@#!@ sense of humor there.
They seem to get along best with Gwydions, and can be almost as Traditional. They like straight shooters, so don’t care much for Liam as those losers are Oath broken, or the Eiluned as they’d rather give up their left nut than a straight answer. Come to think of it, though they’ve got no problems with Unseelie in their midst, they don’t care much for any of the Unseelie Houses. Espcifukally the Balor; something about going disguised among them and an abuse of Cold Iron just rankles a Dougal strongly.
Eiluned- The Seelie Sister House to Ailil, House Eiluned is known as “the House of Secrets” publicly, and a lot worse cack privately. The most Unseelie of the Seelie Houses, sometimes one gets the feeling that Eiluned and Ailil had a REAL Unhealthy relationship going on, cuz it seems to have furkin continued. Their rivals to the Gwydions for sheer political power it seems, and frankly, that alone maybe the reason the other Houses give Gwydion the Support. Of the two, you can at least have the Fleeing falcons terrorize ya honestly.
All those jibes said and done (More to come don’t furkin worry about me softening), to their credit, the bastards excel at cantrips. They out magic any other House, and have more sorcerers per capita since they prey on this advantage. That’s not to say they don’t have their own warriors, but it’s not their forte’. They’re pretty damned learned too, usually knowing waaaay too much about things best left untouched.
Course, like all of these glorified Frat and sororities, they have their weak points; an almost insatiable curiosity and treacherous streak. Be it a mystery, or an intrigue, they can’t seem to help but probe into it. They think they’ve got a #$#$# Tuathan given right to know your most intimate secrets, but are analy retentive about protecting their own secrets. Furkin Hypocrites! This mixed attitude of secrecy and nosiness, with a touch of that insufferable smugness that folks who think they’re mysterious get, no one trusts them. Ask me, they’re right not to.
Dealing with the Eiluned? You probably don’t frickin want to, but if you ‘have to’, here’s my advice. If they start to pry into something you don’t really see a need to hide, be honest with them. Hell, be REAL Honest with them and tell them what they can do with the answers. Usually they want so badly to know things, they’ll take it for a bit just to be sure they got it all. If they are prying into cuck that you don’t want them prying in, you maybe screwed, unless you can give them a new puzzle to play with. Good luck.
Fiona- Sluts without goat leggings; That’s them. Other than that though, the Silver Lions are frizzing ok. A few of them fought on OUR Side in the Accordance War, though knowing them, it was because they’d been dating a commoner at the time. Somehow, they manage to be a Seelie House without being so rigid that they shit diamonds after 8 hours of eating coal. They’re also a warrior House. Some say as good as or better than the Gwydions at it.
Of course, they’ve got a #$#$ing edge in battle. Depending on if you like them or not, they’re either too stupid or too noble of heart to be afraid. With one exception, they just don’t get scared off. This doesn’t mean EVERY Fukin Fiona is gonna stick his fist in a dragon’s nose, but if any House would have the nads to do it, it’s this one. Heh.. the damn Caps HATE These guys just for that reason.
“What’s that exception?” I hear you whining. Why, they DO know fear if it’s regarding a loved one. That’s if you’re a low enough pussmaggot to try that tactic of course. Some of them will go wide with fear.. and give you whatever you want to keep their ‘love’ safe. Course, just as many will make it their personal goal in life to make you pay ten times over for threatening said loved one. I can’t blame the blade bearing bimbos for it either.
They DO tend to bring it on themselves though. They tend to get the hot and heavies for the worst choices. If a Fiona knight has a Gwyd for a liege, sure enough, He’ll get deeply attracted to an Ailil. If some angst ridden ravager broods just so.. she’ll be sure he’s ‘Just misunderstood’. Soon as the danger from a romance is done, it’s off to the next ‘star crossed lover’. It’s like a damn soap opera.
They get along with most of the other Houses, even the Unseelie ones that I’ve seen: A minor rivalry with the Gwydions in the warrior thing, but also some mutual respect. Some of them loathe liam, oaths are very important to the Puddy tats of silver. Others just find a Liamite’s pariahism (If it wasn’t a word before, it is NOW) a real turn on. Of course, they got kicked out of Arcadia too, so there’s got to be at least SOMEONE up there who doesn’t like em.
How should you deal with them? Well, though I hate to say ANYTHING nice about any group of #$#$# elves, the good thing is you can deal with them. A lot of them are big into Commoner rights, though I think it’s just the less governing they have to do, the more time they’ll have for mattress acrobatics. One might even decide to give you a toss, and that’s ok.. however, if EVER one says they love you, head for the damn hills. For sure as the Dreaming made those annoying little nevers, you are about to end up in some epic romance that’s likely to end in tragedy, and that’s not a ‘good thing’.
Gwydion- The House of High Summer, the Golden Falcons, the most ‘noble ‘ House: I swear, these guys have more titles than Mohammed Ali and took less lumps for it. Almost any kithain who knows nobles at all, knows the House that gave us the bird. These guys are the lightning rod of the Seelie Nobles, though when they get their ass fried they just grit their teeth and pretend it’s a ‘majestic glow’. They’re warriors, furk, not like they have a choice, sooner or later, with their temper, they’ll be in a #$#$ fight.
Now, there’s seelie, with the little s, and then there’s Seelie, then, there is SEELIE, with fanfare and obnoxious trumpets. Gwydions are what you’d call the farkin republicans of the Seelie Court ( and they’re usually in charge, Dreaming help us all). Die hard traditionalists, and seem to be vying with the Ailil for ‘Mr and Ms Arrogance o the year’ award. They can be pretty Just, generous, all that ‘noblis oblige’ drek, but don’t ever assume one sees you as worthy of rule, even self rule, as he or she is. This House just can not get it through their damn heads we’re all grown up now.
Course, the biggest pain in the ass about them is they can tell when a joe’s tweaking the truth, prevaricating, or just Furking flat out lying. Oh, you can work around it, but they aren’t TOTAL idjits , and can narrow you down to ‘yes’ ‘no’ and ‘may I please have another’ so don’t garkin get cocky. Eiluned and some Ailil seem to be immune to it; go ahead, ask the Gwydions why. I’m not sure –they- #$#$ know, but it sure does piss them off; Not that much doesn’t.
If you haven’t heard of the ‘Gwydion rage’ patent pending, you’ve been in a cave or some drek. They might deny it, or they might just not talk about it, but every Farking Falcon born (or hatched) has a ripe temper. Insulting them can get you decked,but hell, that’s any sidhe.. trash their honor though.. and watch the fireworks fly. They beserk, slashing out to kill every furkin thing they can find. You, your friends, ‘their’ friends, the local shubery.. and they don’t stop until everything around them is near dead, or they are. Same thing happens when they get wounded, it’s like a damn grizzly bear with a poisoned arrow in it’s side. Sure, it might die, but it’s not going #$#$ alone!
So, how do you deal with em? For one think, tell the truth… no point in lying to the walking polygraphs, and if you get them thinking your truthful normally, they might drop their guard the next time you really ‘need’ to slip a lie by. If you have a problem, take it to them, they love that ‘wiser than thou’ drek, and they ‘do’ take care of their charges. They make good monster bait, and keep the machinations of certain Unseelie Houses (And Eiluned who like to dabble) in check. They make good customers, always in need of swords, armor, etc, but they prefer to go to the furkin gimps.. uhm Dougal, than we Nockers: Their loss.
Leanhaun- As the song goes, “Now in Ire, with maidens fair, there was a wuss House dwellin, they screwed around like Fiona crazed, but did no battle or craftin, a waste of space, though fair of face, would be the House Leanhaun”. Yup, if these folks ‘do’ anything, I aint’ seen it. Oh, they talk of inspring mortals, and seem to have a knack for finding Dreamers, but they also have reps for being the biggest #%#$% Ravagers since McCarthy hit Hollywood. Their colors are Green and gold, but they’re rare in Concordia, or so it seems , so unless that guy in Green in Gold is carrying a harp, wearing lace, and talking about little fru fru subjects, it’s probably –not- a Leanhaun this side of the Atlantic.
The annoying thing is, it’s hard not to like the honeytongued freaks. They’re so damn nice.. you forget they’re #$#$ Unseelie who daily play courtly games with the Ailil and hold their own. Totally sensible fae, suddenly find themselves acting like the per satyrs and spreading their legs for a pair of Leanhaun eyes. One #$#$ minute, you’re listening to Leanhaun poetry, the next thing you know, you’re counting Ceiling tiles (They’re sidhe, even their women like it on top).
Another thing they got in common with the Fiona, is they just adore commoners, actually treat us like furking people. Which, frankly I don’t trust, but. .damn, they do seem to mean it. During the war, the few Leanhaun holds in Concordia took no sides, and opened up to anyone, commoner or noble. They’d feed you, heal you, and party. Kind of an all you can eat orgy n buffet.
By now, you’re probably asking, besides talking with a lisp, what’s the down side of being a leanhaun? Well, they go from #$#$ diapers to geratol in a matter of months. They age faster than anyone I know.. kind of like Dick Clark in reverse. They have some way of fighting it, rumor is they ravage a lot as part of it.. but no one knows.
When meeting a Leanhaun, let them spoil you if you like… treating non sidhe like #$#$ people is to be encouraged in any House after all. Don’t let them know how you notice they don’t seem to ‘do’ drek. Oh, and keep em away from your Dreamers.
Liam- Blue and Silver are colors ain’t exactly popular in most sidhe circles.. that’s because there’s one House that puts Mortals before fae. So much, they went oathbroken for it. Frankly, I don’t Furkin know what to make of them… they sure seem to know a lot of frapola. During the War, they didn’t take sides either, and they get pushed around too much themselves not to show some farking sympathy for others who get the same.
If it weren’t for the protection of the Gwydions, likely given just because the Liam suck up and claim to be all Seelie, the Liam wouldn’t last #$#$ minutes in any Court. Least from what I’ve heard. They ‘are’ record keepers extraordinate, in fact a #$%#$ liam helped me write this.. the putz.
Their real talent comes to dealing with the humans. No ivory towers for these guys. When I call them bums, I mean it #$#$ literally. They go out among the streets, they talk to the ‘Sons of Adam’ and ‘Daughters of Eve’ , trying to inspire. They can enchant and cantrip mortals as smoothly as soft crap shoots down your plumbing.
Of course, that costs them, almost any Liam you meet will have gotten a bit more Banality in their bones than other sidhe with the same years clocked on their asses. Top that off with the Oathbroken stigma, and you can see why they aren’t exactly top of the #$#$ dinner guest list. Friends of their friends can get #$#$ed on by default.
Dealing with a Liam, here’s my advice. As a House, don’t #$#$ing trust them, they would let a fae starve of glamour than risk ravaging a dreamer, even if it meant a changeling’s life (say you need the juice for heatherbalming). One on one, they aren’t so bad, and at least they don’t have their noses in the air like the others. Just remember, to them, you’re not as important as the #$#$ing source, and they are sure the source is humanity.