Dawson's Creek Script Archives
409 — Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Transcribed by Chris Uecke


[Scene: Dawson’s Bedroom. Camera Pans across as female lying in Dawson’s Bed from behind, and slowly around to Dawson who is sitting on the floor in front of the bed and the are watching a video tape. The camera turns and we can see that the woman is Gretchen.]

Dawson: Wow.

Gretchen: "Wow. Look at the hidden treasure I’ve unearthed"? Or "wow. There's 87 minutes of my life I’d like back"?

Dawson: I wanted to hate it. I really did, but I-- I can’t. This--I mean, this is the... Heartbreaking work of a staggering genius.

Gretchen: Wait a second. Are you trying to tell me that Turn Away, My Sweet is the product of a genius?

Dawson: As much as it pains me, yeah.

Gretchen: I don't know, Dawson. All I saw was some formula gangster movie. I mean, I'm still picking the pulp out of my teeth.

Dawson: Yeah, it was pulpy, and it was by-the-numbers, but underneath all the hard-boiled sturm and drang was this great big thumping heart. I mean, this is a love story masquerading as a genre piece.

Gretchen: Dawson, the girl hired the guy to kill her. How is that a love story?

Dawson: Because just when she had given up on love, he came into her life.

Gretchen: Yeah, and he tried to kill her.

Dawson: Right, but he couldn't because he fell in love with her. Right when she'd given up and stopped looking, she stumbled into her own fairy tale. It's brilliant.

Gretchen: I don't know. If you ask me, Tarentino does this stuff a lot better and in color.

Dawson: Oh, ho! And now you're completely proving my point even more for me.

Gretchen: Which is?

Dawson: A.I. Brooks was way ahead of his time.

Gretchen: I like you like this.

Dawson: Dare I ask what "this" is?

Gretchen: Passionate, opinionated, irritating, even.

Dawson: Why--why did he stop?

Gretchen: Someone could ask you the same thing. I mean, when I left for college you were like this unstoppable force of film geek energy. I mean, you were all Spielberg this and Hitchcock that, and I come back and film is like this unfinished project you sort of stuffed in your closet. Which begs the question whatever happened to the talented young filmmaker Dawson Leery? Why did he stop? And where is he now?

[Opening Credits]

[Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club Pier. Joey is sitting on a bench doing some school work when Ms. Valentine comes up to her.]

Ms. Valentine: I'm not paying you to study for your G.E.D., Dear.

Joey: Mrs. Valentine, it's 3:45, which means I’m early. 15 whole minutes to do with what I please. And why is it so hard for you to remember that I go to school with your son?

Ms. Valentine: Yes, and speaking of things I’d just as soon forget, I ran into your sister Becky at the drug store. Clearly not there to pick up any contraceptives.

Joey: It's Bessie.

Ms. Valentine: Oh, well, that's important, isn't it, dear? [A gentleman comes walking up to them.] Walter!

Walter: Mrs. Valentine.

Ms. Valentine: What can I do for you, Walter?

Walter: Well, I just wanted to make sure everything was in order for Saturday night.

Ms. Valentine: Oh, Walter, we are in tip-top shape. We are fully stocked and fully staffed, and I was just about to tell little Joey potter here that her Saturday night off was now a Saturday night back on.

Joey: But—

Ms. Valentine: Joey. In addition to being one of the club's handsomest members, Mr. Kubelik here is also the alumni rep for Worthington, and Saturday night he's hosting a networking party for promising new applicants, and I'm going to need you to help wait on them.

Joey: I can’t.

Ms. Valentine: So you're quitting, then?

Joey: No—

Ms. Valentine: Ooh! You've gone insane.

Joey: Look, Mrs. Valentine, I will be there.

Ms. Valentine: Yes. You will. Now, Walter, where were we?

Joey: I don't think you're understanding me, Mrs. Valentine. I'll be there... At the party... As a guest.

Ms. Valentine: [Laughing]

Walter: Wait a minute. You're Josephine Potter? Hey, it's a pleasure to meet you. Your essay was outstanding. Mrs. Valentine, this young lady is one of our most promising applicants.

Ms. Valentine: Oh.

Walter: I would appreciate it if you gave her the evening off and sat her at my table.

Ms. Valentine: Well, of course, Walter, anything you want. I just--I just don't know who we're going to get to replace her. Joey's such a shining member of our wait staff.

Joey: Well, there's always Drue.

Ms. Valentine: Yes. Yes.

[Scene: The Leery Fish House. Dawson is sitting at the bar working on his laptop computer, while Mitch and Gale decorate a Christmas Tree and Gretchen is working in the Restaurant table area.]

Dawson: Ok, guys. Historic moment. I am finishing my very last essay from my very last college application... USC film school. And I...Am... Done.

Gale: Congratulations, honey.

Mitch: Yeah, we're proud of you.

Gale: And now you're free to relieve your pregnant mother of her light-stringing duty.

Gretchen: Wow. Could it be? Could this mean it's time for the annual Leery holiday party? [There is a big pause and everyone looks at each other.] Oh, did I just say something wildly inappropriate?

Gale: Oh, no, not at all, honey. It's just, um...

Mitch: Well, we haven't done that in a while.

Dawson: Let me decode. We haven't had a Christmas party past couple of years because Mr. And Mrs. Leery have been busy riding a roller coaster otherwise known as their relationship.

Gretchen: Oh. Well, that's too bad. I loved those parties.

Gale: It all just seems a bit overwhelming at the moment.

Mitch: What, with the baby—

Gale: and the restaurant.

Gretchen: Ok, let's make a deal. You have the party, and I take care of everything. I will cater. I'll decorate. I'll even call all the guests. Oh, come on. Please? You got to let me.

Gale: Well, sweetheart, if it means that much to you.

Gretchen: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.

[Mitch and Gale leave, and Gretchen grabs Dawson’s arm.]

Gretchen: We have got a lot of work to do.

Dawson: What was the part you said about you doing everything?

[Scene: Jen’s Bedroom. Jen is sitting on her bed doing some writing, when Grams brings Jack in to see her.]

Jen: Will.

Jack: Grace.

Grams: Can I get you anything, Jack?

Jack: No. No, thanks, Grams.

[Grams leaves without asking Jen.]

Jen: Nothing for me. I'm fine. Thank you.

Jack: [Laughing] What was that all about?

Jen: That, my dear, is the external manifestation of Grams' extreme disappointment in me for that whole ecstasy incident.

Jack: She's still stuck on that, huh?

Jen: Yeah. Not a word in weeks. Which makes the house that Gramps built a bit chilly at the moment.

Jack: Hmm. Well, she will get over it. She always does. Right.

Jen: Whatever. Do you want to do something? Do you want to go see a movie?

Jack: Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'd love to. Perfect way to celebrate, actually.

Jen: Celebrate?

Jack: I finished my applications today. Just handed 'em to ms. Watson... And the essay part almost killed me. If I ever in my life have to write about where I see myself in 10 years, I'm gonna have to say, "dead," because the prospect of writing about it will have driven me to suicide.

Jen: Good. That's great. Awesome. Congrats. Ok, so what are we gonna see? Um...You know what? I want to see that gay one with Dean Cain. All the reviewers are calling it St. Homo's Fire. Sounds awesome. What do you say?

Jack: Yeah. Yeah. It sounds good. Let me ask you something. Have you finished your applications yet?

Jen: Yeah. Pretty much. Why?

Jack: How much is pretty much?

Jen: Um, I just have the essay part left.

Jack: Well, I talked to Ms. Watson, and she mentioned something about not getting anything from you, and I said, well, come on. Jen Lindley, that's crazy. She's all about higher learning.

Jen: Totally.

Jack: Ok. So where did you apply?

Jen: Bunch of places.

Jack: Come on, Jen. What's with all the vague answers here?

Jen: Hey, Jack, what's with all the annoying questions?

Jack: You know there's a deadline? And it's quickly approaching, right?

Jen: Don't worry about it. I'm totally fine. You know what? I have to say I’m kind of not in a movie mood after all. Can we catch up later?

Jack: Yeah. Sure.

Jen: I'll give you a call.

Jen: Ok.

Jen: Bye.

Jack: Good-bye.

[Scene: Grams’ Kitchen. Grams is making some cookies, when Jack walks into the kitchen with a worried look on his face.]

Jack: Grams. Think you could do me a favor?

Grams: Anything, of course. Cookie?

Jack: Yeah. Thanks. Extra sprinkles. You think you could talk to Jen?

Grams: Anything but that, perhaps.

Jack: Look, I know the two of you aren't on the best of terms at the moment, but I'm worried about her. I have this feeling that she hasn't filled out any of her college applications and she's not talking about it, so I, you know, I thought maybe you could talk to her.

Grams: No, no, Jack. Jennifer is a big girl. God knows, I tried long and hard to aid her in making the right decisions, but she neither wants nor appreciates my help. So the only thing left for me to do is to let her make her own mistakes. If the girl chooses to drag her heels about college, so be it. She is on her own.

[Scene: The Leery Fish House. Mr. Brooks is at a small table by the window eating his dinner, when Dawson comes up and takes the seat across from him.]

Dawson: So, um, have you seen any good movies lately?

Mr. Brooks: I saw a picture called Star Wars here a while back. I, uh, I didn't get it.

Dawson: Star Wars came out in 1977.

Mr. Brooks: Like I said, it was a while back.

Dawson: I saw a great film last night.

Mr. Brooks: Bully for you.

Dawson: It was this incredible fusion of film noir, black comedy, and a love story. It was--what was the name of it? Um... Turn Away, My Sweet.

Mr. Brooks: Think you're pretty clever, don't you?

Dawson: How am I supposed to deal with this? I mean, how am I supposed to deal with the fact that the big grumpy old man who basically forced me into indentured servitude turns out to be a cross between Sam Fuller and Cameron Crowe?

Mr. Brooks: Who's Cameron Crowe?

Dawson: Uh, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Say Anything, Jerry Maguire.

Mr. Brooks: Never heard of him. Fuller--hmm, god rest his soul. He did some good pictures.

Dawson: And so did you, Mr. Brooks. I've seen everything I could get my hands on. Your films are-- they're amazing. You know, you're like this true American primitive. I have so much respect for what you've done.

Mr. Brooks: First of all, Mr. Leery, they're not films. They're pictures. Second of all, they're not amazing. They're hack work, and third of all, I'm uncomfortable with this new found respect you have for me.

Dawson: You can play the curmudgeon all you want, A.I. Brooks, but you can't fool me.

Mr. Brooks: Well, that's a load off.

Dawson: I saw those movies, and the man responsible for them obviously cares a great deal about things that matter-- things like love and death and morality and honor.

Mr. Brooks: The man responsible for them cares a great deal about eating his Chilean sea bass in peace.

Dawson: Ok. I just--I-- I wanted to tell you that your mov--your pictures really had an impact on me. I just... Well, I thought you might like to hear that.

Mr. Brooks: Thank you very much for the kind words, Mr. Leery, now I—

Dawson: Can I--can I just ask you about the chemistry between your 2 leads in Turn Away, My Sweet? It was incredible. It was like it practically jumped off the screen.

Mr. Brooks: Listen, I am old, and I reserve the right to eat my dinner in peace. So kindly remove yourself from my general vicinity.

Dawson: Ok.

[Scene: A Clothing Store. Joey is trying on a dress and comes out of the dressing room and walks over to where Gretchen is waiting for her.]

Joey: Well?

Gretchen: The girl can't help it. She's beautiful.

Joey: Do you think it's too much?

Gretchen: Only if Pacey wears his camouflage pants.

Joey: Which isn't exactly outside the realm of possibility. You know, I do feel kind of bad dragging him to this thing.

Gretchen: Oh, you're not dragging him to anything. You need his support. I'm sure he gets that.

Joey: Yeah, well-- I just--I don't want him to feel out of place.

Gretchen: Joey, my brother's nuts about you. I think he plans to make a career out of being in close proximity to you. Just don't let him do that nervous joke-telling thing that he does. You are, however, gonna miss a great party at Dawson’s house.

Joey: Dawson Leery’s having a party?

Gretchen: Not so much. I talked Mitch and gale into letting me organize their holiday party.

Joey: Really? I love those. I mean, they've been a part of my life since I was, like, 5, I think. And they always put me in just the right mood for the holidays. Which is kind of weird considering Dawson and I would pretty much just hide up in his bedroom and watch old movies, but...

Gretchen: Which has it's own distinct charms. I mean, Dawson is one of those rare guys who can somehow make popcorn and a rented video seem like an event.

Joey: I know what you mean.

Gretchen: You're gonna do great, Joey.

Joey: Huh?

Gretchen: Saturday night, you're gonna do great.

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: The Advisor’s Office. Dawson and the Advisor are there going over Dawson’s Applications to his colleges.]

Advisor: Good job, Dawson, getting all of your applications in. I just had a couple of questions.

Dawson: Ok.

Advisor: Why do you think you want to be a filmmaker?

Dawson: Uh, well, doesn't my essay pretty much cover it?

Advisor: You see, that's the problem, Dawson. It doesn't. You spend 5 pages rather eloquently skirting the essay question... Why do you want to be a filmmaker?

Dawson: Well, it's a pretty difficult question to answer.

Advisor: And USC's a difficult school to get into. There are thousands of students, just like yourself, hoping against hope at a chance to study at one of the best film schools in the country. So I’m thinking... We might want to shoot for greatness here. In other words... Dawson, do better.

[Scene: The Capeside High Hallway. Joey and Pacey are walking down the stairs in the hallway talking to each other about Saturday.]

Pacey: Do we have to?

Joey: Yes, Pacey, we have to.

Pacey: Well, have you thought about hiring an escort? 'Cause from what I’m told you can't take me anywhere.

Joey: I called around, but they're all out of socially-presentable man-meat.

Pacey: Well, what if I just broke up with you, hmm? I mean, what would you do then?

Joey: Look, do what you have to do. You're still coming with me.

Pacey: Fascist.

Joey: Scaredy-cat.

Pacey: Are we at least gonna have a good time?

Joey: My guess is no.

Pacey: So why can't we just say "nay" to the whole idea of hanging out with the prep school contingent, and go over to Mitch and Gale's party?

Joey: Because, Pacey, that would severely diminish my chances for getting into college.

Pacey: Well, you put it that way—

Joey: Pace?

Pacey: Yes.

Joey: You know how important this party is to me.

Pacey: Yes, I know.

Joey: And being in a relationship means that sometimes you do have to do things that you don't particularly enjoy for that other person.

Pacey: Yeah.

Joey: You know, for me that would be Sunday dinners with your parents.

Pacey: Oh, hold on. Do you think that I enjoy those dinners for one second? For the record, we could stop those at any time.

Joey: Look, I know that you're still trying to get out of this party.

Pacey: Yeah, I really am. Is it working?

Joey: It's like watching a train wreck.

[Scene: Grams’ Kitchen. Grams is going through some present in a package sitting on the table, when Jen walks in and goes over to the fridge.]

Grams: These are for you, Jennifer. From your mother and father.

Jen: Whew, that time of year already. I'll tell you what. That is a sweater... From mom, from Barney’s. But it was hand-picked by the maid. Yeah, jewelry. Jewelry, probably from dad, and I'll bet that it was thrown back in his face by a slutty secretary who did not appreciate the fact that she was actually being paid for services rendered. Remind me to send them a thank you card.

Grams: Why don't you just take them upstairs and open them in your room.

Jen: You know, I've got a better idea. Why don't you take 'em to goodwill. Donate 'em to somebody who cares.

Grams: That is not an appropriate attitude for the holidays, child.

Jen: Yeah, well, merry f-in' Christmas.

Grams: Jennifer! You know, you are quite possibly one of the most spoiled, self-involved brats I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with.

Jen: You know what? You're absolutely right. Why don't I just go to my room.

Grams: While you're there, why don't you take the time to fill out a couple of your college applications?

Jen: Right. Of course. Anything to get me out of the house quicker, huh?

Grams: That is not what I meant.

Jen: So then were you trying to light a fire under me? I'm sorry, but you haven't spoken so much as a complete sentence to me ever since I disappointed you. So you don't get to instill me with motivation. You don't get to discuss my future. You lost that right when you wrote me off.

[She throws the presents into the fridge and closes the door, before storming off to her room.]

[Scene: The Leery House. Gretchen is decorating the house while Dawson talks about his afternoon at the advisor’s office.]

Gretchen: Dawson, I don't know why you're having such a problem with this. I mean, just tell them the truth.

Dawson: The truth being what, exactly?

Gretchen: That filmmaking will provide you with everything that a young man could ever want or need... A 3-picture deal with Columbia and a spot just high enough on the premiere power list to bag yourself one of the girls of the WB.

Dawson: Moments like this it becomes glaringly obvious just how related to Pacey you really are.

Gretchen: Come on. Take a break. Help me hang the mistletoe.

Dawson: Ok.

Gretchen: Why don't you ask Mr. Brooks?

Dawson: Ask Mr. Brooks for what?

Gretchen: For help on your essay.

Dawson: I don't think so. I told the guy I like his movies, he practically took my head off.

Gretchen: Oh, Dawson, say what you want about his mercurial moods, but the guy is a resource. Take advantage of him. He's probably one of the only guys you've ever met who's a real-life filmmaker. And maybe a conversation with him will clear your head. You know, get rid of the cobwebs.

Dawson: Is there a point to what we're doing?

Gretchen: Who cares? It's tradition. And you don't monkey with tradition. What?

Dawson: I never had you pegged as a traditionalist. It's cute.

[Scene: The docks outside of Grams’ House. Jack and Grams are walking on them talking to each other about Jen.]

Grams: Actually, you were right. She hasn't filled out one application, and she's not going to.

Jack: Well, maybe we can talk to her. You know, gang up on her.

Grams: Oh, that won't work. I know my granddaughter. She's far too stubborn to stand for anything even resembling an intervention.

Jack: Yeah, I know. Well, any better ideas?

Grams: Actually, I do, and I'm going to need your help.

[Scene: Mr. Brooks’ House. Dawson comes up to the Door and knocks on it but there is no answer, but the door is open, so he goes inside.]

Dawson: Mr. Brooks? [Knocking] Mr. Brooks!

[Mr. Brooks is at the table diligently working on something, when Dawson comes up to him.]

Mr. Brooks: My god, kid! You scared the crap outta me.

Dawson: Well, I'm sorry. I knocked. You didn't hear me.

Mr. Brooks: Why didn't you just leave?

Dawson: Uh, 'cause I wanted to talk to you.

Mr. Brooks: If you came to ask if I slept with Marilyn Monroe, you can crawl back from whence you came.

Dawson: No, it's nothing like that. I-- did you? Huh.

Mr. Brooks: What is it I can do for you, Mr. Leery?

Dawson: I need some advice.

Mr. Brooks: Have you tried the teen help line? [Clears throat] Well, this is gonna clearly take longer than I’d hoped, but I supposed I could give you a-- would you like a soda pop, Mr. Leery?

Dawson: No, thank you. I'm fine.

Mr. Brooks: All right. I'm ready to dispense with advice. Sit down.

Dawson: Um... Well, I-- I've got to write this essay-- an application for USC film school, and... It's killing me. I can’t... For the life of me answer the question, "Why do you want to be a filmmaker?"

Mr. Brooks: Well, why do you, kid?

Dawson: Well, you see, that's the problem. I'm having trouble putting it into words.

Mr. Brooks: If you can't do better than that, you might as well make out an application to McDonald’s.

Dawson: Mr. Brooks, I need to know why you stopped making movies.

Mr. Brooks: What does that have to do with anything?

Dawson: 'Cause I’ve stopped, too.

Mr. Brooks: Well, that's a tragic loss for the arts.

Dawson: Mr. Brooks, I'm-- I'm serious. You know, I was going full-steam ahead. Nothing was gonna stop me, and then-- you know. Life got in the way. I-- I--I had what you might call a crisis of faith.

Mr. Brooks: Crisis of faith? But, gee, you're kind of young for that, aren't you what are you, 15?

Dawson: 17.

Mr. Brooks: 17 and already had a crisis of faith.

Dawson: You know, I thought we were beyond this. I thought we had moved on, but I guess not. I guess whatever happened to you made you the kind of person who would tear into a 17-year-old kid whose only mistake was to equate talent with wisdom and kindness, so...

[Dawson gets up and leaves, and Mr. Brooks looks after him knowing he has gone too far this time.]

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Pacey and Joey enter as Pacey continues to try and get out of this.]

Pacey: You ok?

Joey: Sure.

Pacey: You know, we could always just turn around. Which would, of course, be incredibly cowardly.

Joey: Yet sounds incredibly appealing. You're grinning like an idiot.

Pacey: Yeah, I know. I can't help it.

Joey: Why?

Pacey: Because... I'm the only guy at this party who gets to walk in with Audrey Heyburn on his arm.

[Scene: The Leery House. Jen comes into the front door and is greeted by Mitch and Gale. Gretchen is walking all through the background looking for someone.]

Gale: Hi.

Jen: Hi--whoa! Whoa! Look at you.

Gale: Can you believe this?

Jen: No. You look beautiful. You guys look so happy.

[Scene: Dawson’s Bedroom. Dawson is sitting at his desk, when Gretchen come knocking on the door.]

Dawson: Come in.

Gretchen: Thought I might find you in here.

Dawson: Hey. How's the party?

Gretchen: Somewhat lacking in cute high school boys at the moment. Come try my eggnog.

Dawson: Uh, I'll be down in a minute.

Gretchen: Ok. You ok?

Dawson: Yeah. Yeah, I'm just-- just thinking.

Gretchen: About...

Dawson: About what you said to me the other night. What did happen to me. Here I am. I'm applying to one of the best film schools in the country, and I'm not even sure I want to go. I'm not sure I deserve to go.

Gretchen: You know what you sound like, Dawson?

Dawson: What?

Gretchen: You sound like a guy who just broke up with this girl. And he's happy he broke up with her-- I mean, at least he says he is-- and he goes on and on about, you know, how much better off he is without her, but the thing is he can't stop talking about her. Everything comes back to this girl. You loved this girl, Dawson.

Dawson: Now that, oddly enough, has not kept her from breaking my heart time and time again.

Gretchen: Yeah, but that doesn't matter. I mean, you're trying so hard to answer this question, and--and you're thinking that there's some right answer, and there's not. You know, maybe if you just admit that you love movies, the geek will resurface, and you'll be able to connect with that part of you that won't tolerate cynicism under any circumstances, and people will respond to that. They will respond to that great big thumping heart of yours. Trust me. Now come try my eggnog.

[Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Joey is talking to one of the other girls at the party and she is very uncomfortable.]

Girl: And I will not lose any more sleep over the fact that my class rank was third. I mean, it's like I could toss and turn all night wondering what I did wrong, you know? Why I wasn't good enough for first, or even second, but third? I mean, what is that? So what did you place?

Joey: Fourth.

Girl: Oh. Oh, that's good. Yeah, fourth is good. [She looks over and sees Drue serving drinks and pours out the rest of hers into a plant.] Oh, cute boy. Yeah, I do believe I need a refill.

Joey: Let me get that for you.

Girl: Nonsense. Excuse me! Excuse me, waiter boy?

Drue: Yes, annoying girl?

Girl: Yeah, I'll have a club soda with a lime in it, please.

Drue: Anything for you, Joey?

Joey: Fine, thanks.

Drue: There you are, potter. I never got the chance to thank you for ruining my night.

Joey: Well, I think we could probably talk about it another time.

Drue: Sure. Sure. How about midnight? Just in time to watch you turn back into a pumpkin. Did you know that Joey here is one of our finest waitresses? I think it's sweet how you've taken her under your wing.

Girl: Oh, uh, you know what? I think I see this girl that I know from boarding school. So I’m gonna go over and say hi. Excuse me.

[The girl leaves, and Drue looks at Joey with a shrug look.]

Drue: How bad do you want to do me bodily harm right now? Oh! Later. Too many witnesses.

[Scene: The Leery House. The Advisor is attending it and looks out the window to see Jen standing out on the porch, and goes out to talk with her.]

Advisor: You did it!

Jen: No, I didn't.

Advisor: Yes, you did, and your essays were wonderful.

Jen: They were?

Advisor: Yes, they were. You should be very proud of yourself.

Jen: Mmm. What-- what did I do, exactly?

Advisor: You got your apps in on time. Higher education is yours, Jen Lindley. Good job.

Jen: Yeah, um...

[Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Joey and Pacey are sitting at the table with Walter and Walter tries to strike up a conversation. Drue is serving the table.]

Walter: You've certainly been quiet tonight, miss potter.

Joey: Just soaking it all in, I guess.

Walter: Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Joey: Um... There's really not much to tell. I'm pretty much your average teenage girl.

Walter: Having reviewed your application, I hardly think so. I seem to remember a certain fondness for art. Have you been to the new Guggenheim?

Joey: No, but I have always wanted to go to New York.

Drue: It's actually in Bilbao, hon. Spain?

Walter: Which isn't important. What is, however, is the building itself. It's really the most amazing feat of construction. It's an extraordinary combination of intersecting shapes. It's an architectural epiphany.

Pacey: No, I don't know. You ask me, the thing just looks like a big artichoke. [Everyone looks at him] No, I'm serious. It does.

Walter: Oh, so you've been?

Pacey: Well, no, but my brother-- he's this big architecture buff, and he's into those coffee table art books. You know, so I’ve seen all the pictures, and I'm here to tell you, it looks like a big artichoke.

Walter: [Laughs] Big artichoke. You're right. It does look like an artichoke.

[Scene: Outside the Leery House. Dawson is standing at a small bench area in the middle of the yard, when Mr. Brooks comes up from the dark.]

Mr. Brooks: Mr. Leery.

Dawson: Mr. Brooks.

Mr. Brooks: Ah, quite a shindig you got for yourself, here, huh?

Dawson: Uh, yeah. Do you want to come in?

Mr. Brooks: Oh, no. I'm not much for crowds.

Dawson: Why is that not a surprise? Is there something I can do for you?

Mr. Brooks: Ah.

[He hands Dawson a book.]

Dawson: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang?

Mr. Brooks: That's Pauline Kael. The best film critic ever was. She says it a lot better than I ever could.

Dawson: Says what?

Mr. Brooks: Why. Why when I was a kid I lived for Saturday afternoons at the Rialto. Why I left this town the day I graduated high school, and hopped on a train headed for the Los Angeles. Why I almost cried the first time I stepped on a studio lot. And why I did the first time I yelled, "action!" Sorry I snapped at you, kid. You just happened to scratch an open wound that still hasn't healed after all these years.

Dawson: Which is none of my business.

Mr. Brooks: 1956, Louis B. Mayer calls me into his office. He's got this brilliant idea. Wants to cast my best friend and my girlfriend in my next picture. Turn Away, My Sweet. Well, I got to agree with him. It's great casting. Till we started shooting and I am a madman. Crazed beyond belief. I don't even notice what's happening right in front of my eyes. My best friend falling in love with my girlfriend. By the time I realize it, it's too late. She's gone, and I still have half a picture to direct. Do you have any idea what that's like?

Dawson: I would imagine it would be terrible.

Mr. Brooks: Yeah, made me hate directing, everybody, and everything. The day we wrapped I caught another train... For Capeside, Mass. I never looked back. Started a new life. Started a better life.

[Mr. Brooks turns and starts to walk away.]

Dawson: Mr. Brooks? Mr. Brooks!

Mr. Brooks: What?!

Dawson: Would you like to come inside?

Mr. Brooks: Why do you want to make pictures?

Dawson: [Sighs] How can you explain the things you love? You can’t. You just do.

Mr. Brooks: God help you, kid.

[Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Pacey is telling a joke to Walter and we can see how uncomfortable Joey is about it.]

Pacey: So then the rabbi says, "rectum? I damn near killed 'em!"

Walter: [Laughing]

Pacey: Good one, right?

Walter: It's very good. Joey, I had no idea your boyfriend was such a charmer.

Joey: Who knew?

Walter: Worthington could use a young man like you, Pacey. Why haven't you applied?

Joey: Yeah, Pace, why haven't you?

Pacey: Well, I-- to be perfectly honest, uh, both of my parents are real big lefties, so for me it's Yale or nothing.

Walter: Well, that certainly is our loss.

Joey: Hey, Pace, can I talk to you for a second?

Pacey: Yeah, sure.

Joey: Outside. Excuse us.

[Scene: Outside the Yacht Club. Joey is pulling Pacey behind her as they walk out onto the piers.]

Joey: Pacey, I can't believe you just did that.

Pacey: Just did what?

Joey: You lied!

Pacey: Hold on a second—

Joey: And after that whole pseudo-motivational diatribe, you flat-out lied.

Pacey: Joey, can I have the floor for just a second?

Joey: Pacey, why are you trying so hard to impress these people?

Pacey: Are you done yet?

Joey: Look, I don't even know who you are right now.

Pacey: All I'm try—

[Walter comes out and disturbs them.]

Walter: Excuse me, Pacey. Excuse me. I would love for you to meet the dean. Do you mind, Joey?

Joey: Course not.

Pacey: Sure.

Walter: [Chuckles] He's a great guy. An old friend. I'd love for him to hear the, uh...

Pacey: 2 rabbis.

Walter: Yeah. [Laughs] I thought that was a pretty good one.

[Walter and Pacey go back inside and Joey just leans back against the rail and tears begin to form in her eyes.]

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: The Leery House Party. Jack is standing in the doorway when Jen comes storming up to him. Grams is standing to his side.]

Jen: Jack.

Jack: Hey.

Jen: Did I not make myself perfectly clear to you?

Jack: What?

Jen: Did I or did I not ask you to just mind your own business?

Jack: Ah, Jen—

Jen: No, Jack, you didn't have any right to do what you did.

Grams: He had every right. As did I.

Jen: Listen, I'm not looking to be saved here, all right? I don't want to go to college. Could you please just leave me alone?

Grams: You do want to go to college, Jennifer. I know that for a fact, and I know why you haven't applied.

Jen: No, you don’t.

Grams: Yes, I do. You haven't applied because you refused to ask your parents for help.

Jen: I--I can't. I can't keep putting myself out there over and over again. I won't ask them. I won't do it.

Grams: And I won't let you. Now, look, I’m sorry that you haven't felt like you could talk to me lately, but you must understand something, Jennifer. You must understand that no matter how angry or upset or disappointed I may be in you, I will always be there for you. You are going to college, young lady. If I have to beg, borrow, or steal, I will get you there. You are the most important thing in my life, Jennifer, and I love you.

Jack: I--I kinda love you, too.

Jen: Aw...

[The 3 of them hug.]

[Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club Pier. Joey is leaning against the rail of the pier crying, when Walter comes up to her. Seeing him she dries her eyes to hide the fact that she was crying.]

Walter: Hi, Joey.

Joey: Uh, hi, Mr. Kubelik, um... I'm sorry, I... I think I need to apologize.

Walter: Really? Whatever for?

Joey: Well, I think I blew it tonight. And it's just, um, this is kind of a whole new world for me, and I, um, I don't really know what to do or what to say, and I know that I don't fit in very well—

Walter: Joey, you didn't blow anything. Your academic record stands on its own. You're a stunningly bright young lady. No one is grading you on your social skills. Be that as it may, you couldn't ask for a better character witness than that boyfriend of yours. Seriously. He just talked the Dean's ear off, all about you. How you've changed him, how you've helped him. How he couldn't imagine a better life than one with you by his side. What a rare gift, to have someone say such things about you.

[Scene: The Leery House Party. Jen and Jack are sitting on the stairs talking to one another.]

Jen: So, where did I apply?

Jack: Uh, you applied to Bard, Brown, Columbia, Emerson, and Sarah Lawrence. Oh, and B.U.

Jen: Nice.

Jack: You know, I had to ransack your computer. With a little pruning, that, um, that paper you did on women's suffrage movement made a really good essay.

Jen: Really? Cool.

Jack: Yeah. Yeah, and, you know, I stumbled across your journal.

Jen: Oh.

Jack: I didn't realize you still had those kind of dreams about me.

Jen: More nog?

Jack: Sure. Love some more nog.

[Scene: The Leery House Party, The Piano in the Family room. Mr. Brooks is sitting at the piano, when Grams walks up to it and he waves to her.]

Grams: You again.

Mr. Brooks: Have we met?

Grams: You know very well we've met. I had the distinct displeasure of watching you yelling and screaming at poor Dawson leery over nothing but some silly boat of yours.

Mr. Brooks: It was quite the little tantrum. If I remember correctly, you put me in my place. I admire that in a woman.

Grams: Oh, you fancy yourself quite charming, don't you?

Mr. Brooks: On my better days, yes, I do.

Grams: On your better days, I'd say your mind is clearly playing tricks on you. Which is understandable. You are getting on in years.

Mr. Brooks: I did yell at the kid, but that's before I got to know him, before I realized he's not an idiot, just a nuisance.

Grams: Well, perhaps in the future you will take the time to get to know a person before you dismiss them.

Mr. Brooks: Perhaps you might do the same.

Grams: Perhaps.

[Grams leaves with a slight smile on her face, and Dawson who witnessed all of this walks up to join him.]

Mr. Brooks: What?

Dawson: You were flirting with grams.

Mr. Brooks: Heh heh. Nonsense.

Dawson: I don't know, that looked like flirting to me.

Mr. Brooks: You'd know if I was flirting. Matter of fact, you could pull up a seat and take a lesson or two. Heh heh.

Dawson: You know, I shouldn't have been surprised at all that you were a big movie director. What else could have satisfied that massive ego?

Mr. Brooks: Listen, just because we shared a moment out there doesn't mean we have to get all chummy.

Dawson: Point taken. Ahem. But I wanted you to know something.

Mr. Brooks: What?

Dawson: I think I'm ready to make a movie again.

Mr. Brooks: Oh, "crisis of faith" over? I'll alert the media.

Dawson: All right, all right, laugh all you want.

Mr. Brooks: I intend to. Ahem. What is this, um, picture of yours gonna be about?

Dawson: You.

Mr. Brooks: Excuse me? Say that again into my good ear, would you?

Dawson: My mov--my picture is going to be about you. Your life story. We'll talk later. Enjoy the party.

[Scene: The Capeside Yacht club. Pacey is standing by the fireplace when Joey comes walking up to him and gives him a big hug.]

Pacey: Apology accepted.

Joey: I didn't apologize, Pace.

Pacey: Well, no, but you were going to.

Joey: I was?

Pacey: Yeah, you were going to apologize for bitching me out earlier.

Joey: And what about you? You're the one who lied.

Pacey: Did it ever occur to you that maybe I was doing that all for you?

Joey: And how, exactly, do I benefit from your distortion of the truth?

Pacey: Well, maybe I just wanted these people to see you through my eyes just for one night. To see this girl, this woman, who has more class and intelligence and beauty and grace than anyone else who's walking the face of the planet. And maybe things like this just come tumbling out of my mouth because I happen to be head over heels in love with you, but the really scary thing is--is... I think that they're true.

Joey: Sorry, Pace. I just wanted to impress these people so bad, you know, to fit in, and I completely froze.

Pacey: Hey, that doesn't matter.

Joey: Yes, it does! I've never wanted anything so bad in my whole life. And you--you just fit right in better than I ever will.

Pacey: Because there's nothing at stake for me here, Jo. I have nothing to prove to these people. And Jo, this world, it is opening its doors to you. And when you step through, you are going to be such an amazing part of all of this. And wherever you choose to go, you're doing them the favor, not the other way around.

Joey: You know, your mom should get a medal.

Pacey: Mom? Really, why's that?

Joey: Because she raised a perfect boy. And maybe things like that just tumble out of my mouth because I happen to be head over heels in love with you, but the scary thing is, I think it's true.

[They Kiss]

Pacey: Mm. Ok. What do you say you and I take our little mutual admiration society on the road? Please, can we go someplace we both fit in? Yeah?

Joey: Yeah.

Pacey: Thanks.

[Scene: The Leery House Party. Dawson is standin in an archway, leaning against the side, watching his parents dance with one another, and smiling to himself, when Gretchen comes up to join him.]

Dawson: Hey. You did a very good thing. Years from now, I'm not gonna remember what the hell I got for Christmas, but I will remember what it felt like to see my parents so happy. So thank you.

Gretchen: Hey... Total selfishness on my part. This just takes me back to a time before everything got so complicated, you know?

[Mr. Brooks comes walking through the archway and hits the Mistletoe above their head with his hand.]



Mr. Brooks: Why don't you quit flirting and kiss her?

Dawson: Excuse-- you gotta be kidding me. I had nothing to do with this.

Gretchen: Ok, well, I guess we'd better get it over with, then.

Dawson: You think?

Gretchen: It's tradition, Dawson, and you don't monkey with tradition.

Dawson: Oh, that's right.

[They kiss one another once, then a second and third time, and not a normal “Mistletoe Kiss” either. This is the moment that Pacey and Joey enter the party and both of them see Dawson and Gretchen kissing and are both shocked.]