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604: Instant Karma!]
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 Episode
605
The Imposters
Original Airdate: October 23, 2002
In this episode:
Dawson's quick thinking saves the day and gets
him the girl when a producer arrives at the "Wicked Dead" movie set to fire
Natasha and close down production. Meanwhile, Audrey is excited when Emma
asks her to be the lead singer of her punk band "Hell's Belles," but is
crushed when Pacey misses her first gig because of work; Joey figures out
that Eddie isn't really a student and demands the truth; and Jack confronts
Professor Freeman about an unfair grade on a paper.
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[Scene: Hell’s Kitchen. Joey is standing at the end of the bar, waiting
impatiently, while Eddie is mingling with a few girls at the other end of the
bar. She finally gets mad and she slams her tray down on the table, with no
effect. Emma comes walking up to the bar next to her, and Eddie takes two beers
uncaps them and slides them down to Emma.]
Joey: Help?
Emma: Well, he might notice you faster if, um, if you let me do a little work on
that t-shirt of yours. A few rips, a few tears. Do wonders for your tips.
Joey: My what?
Emma: Your tips. Your gratuities. [Laughs] What did you think I said?
Joey: Nothing!
[Emma takes her drinks and leaves the two of them]
Eddie: Yes.
Joey: Oh. Finally. Could you make me wait a little bit longer the next time?
Eddie: Sorry, I, uh... guess I find you a little intimidating now that you've
tried to ram your tongue down my throat.
Joey: I need 2 drafts, a boilermaker, and I thought we agreed to never speak of
that again.
Eddie: You know, I don't remember having that conversation.
Joey: We didn’t. It was implied. Social conventions dictate that when something
embarrassing happens, we all tacitly agree to never speak of them again. It's
what keeps us going as a society. That...and alcohol.
Eddie: Yeah, well, I don’t.
Joey: You don't what?
Eddie: Don't agree.
Joey: You know what? I really don't feel like getting into a philosophical
discussion about this. I just would like you to—
[Emma returns for some more drinks]
Emma: oh, good god! You two aren't fighting again, are you?
Eddie: No, no. Apparently, we're having some kind of... uh, philosophical
discussion.
Emma: Oh. Good. 'Cause I'm leaving. Off to rehearsal, where I hopefully still
have a few band members left to, uh, fire before our big hell's kitchen debut
performance tomorrow night.
Eddie: Hey, if you want me to put up some of those flyers for you, I can.
Emma: Oh, you are a love, aren't you?
[She leans over the counter and kisses Eddie on the cheek.]
Emma: Mmm! Oh, and it's just getting a bit crowded back there, so if you two
could just kiss and make up, I'm sure the customers would appreciate it.
[Emma leaves]
Joey: You told her.
Eddie: Coincidence. What? Why would I tell her?
Joey: To embarrass me?
Eddie: Oh, now, you're doin' a pretty good job of that all by yourself.
[Joey takes the drinks and leaves]
[Opening Credits]
[Commercial Break]
[Scene: Hotel bar. Dawson enters the bar and looks around and finds Todd and
Natasha sitting at the bar drinking and talking together. He shakes his head and
heads over to them, already able to tell that Todd is really drunk. He heads
over to join them]
Todd: Has anybody told you how pretty you are?
Dawson: Hey.
Natasha: Hi. Uh...you know what? It's getting late. I should get to bed. Big day
tomorrow.
Todd: [Drunkenly] Not to worry. You'll be great, luv.
[Natasha leaves the two of them.]
Todd: If you weren't such a disaster, with women, you might be sneaking off to
join her now. Well, carry on.
Dawson: Hold on. You're not gettin' rid of me that fast.
Todd: As I suspected, you are not here to participate in the general debauchery.
You're here to bore me with little work-related details.
Dawson: 10 people want to know what plan "B" is for Friday.
Todd: Tell 'em there is no plan "B."
Dawson: You gotta at least call Heather Tracy back. She's called, like, 6 times
in the past 2 days.
Todd: Leery, your inability to relax disturbs me.
Dawson: We're 3 days behind, under penalties every day this week. We've got a
monster day tomorrow, no shot list. There's 70% chance of rain on Friday, and
apparently no plan "B." How is that no worries?
[Heather comes walking up from behind Todd]
Heather: 3 days? I thought it was 4.
Todd: Heather!
Heather: Todd. Don't look so surprised. This is what you get for not returning
my phone calls.
Todd: No. It's lovely. It's lovely to see you. Do you remember Dawson?
Heather: Yeah. We can B.S. The pleasantries later, sweetie. Right now I'm gonna
need you to get me a better room. The girl at the front desk said it's
impossible, but I'm sure you can work your little P.A. Magic.
Todd: [Mouthing "help"]
[Dawson catches the key that Heather chucked at him, and takes this as his cue
to leave the two of them alone.]
[Scene: Emma’s Apartment. Pacey and Audrey are sitting in the living room,
studying. Audrey is listening to her headphones rather loudly while reading her
text book, and Pacey looks up from his book and smiles]
Audrey: [Shouts] What?!
Pacey: [Shouts]Nothing! [Audrey shuts off the headphones and takes them off] Is
it good?
Audrey: Is what good?
Pacey: The book.
Audrey: [Scoffs] Honey, it's required. How can it be good?
[She gets up and heads to the kitchen]
Pacey: Well, you know, it's just the first book that I've seen you crack all
semester.
[Audrey open the refrigerator, and looks inside]
Audrey: She doesn't actually drink this green stuff, does she?
Pacey: Hey! Audrey!
Audrey: What?
Pacey: Well, I'm tryin' to talk to you.
Audrey: Ok, I'm listening.
Pacey: Great. Then maybe you can tell me what's been botherin' you all week.
Audrey: Nothing is bothering me.
Pacey: Really? 'Cause I gotta say you've been actin' a little weird.
Audrey: Ok, Pacey. Define weird.
Pacey: Fine. "Weird" is studious. "Weird" is quiet.
Audrey: What, so I act like Joey for a change, and all of a sudden, I'm weird?
Ok, fine.
Pacey: Look, I just want to know if perhaps you and Jen might've gotten into a
little bit of trouble at that party last week.
Audrey: No. And you know what? For a former party girl, that girl's not even on
a first-name basis with trouble.
Pacey: 'Cause, you know, jack and I were talking, and he said that he lost you
at a certain point and you were a little worried, maybe.
Audrey: Well, yeah. Pacey, it was crowded, and Jen ran into somebody that she
knew.
Pacey: Oh, really? A guy?
Audrey: Yeah. A nice guy. A regular knight in shining armor.
Pacey: Yeah, I'm sure he was. Just like me, right?
Audrey: Yes, honey. Just like you.
Pacey: You know, funny thing. We are all alone here tonight.
[Pacey begins kissing her, but Audrey stops after a few seconds]
Audrey: Um... yeah. I'm sorry.
Pacey: Oh.
Audrey: Ohh. No, it's just that I'm really tired and—
Pacey: Yeah, cool. That's—tired.
Audrey: No, because we could---
Pacey: No, no, no, no, no. I'm only-- it's all right. Just...pshh...no. I'm
just... [Laughs] It's fine.
[Pacey goes back to his chair and goes back to studying]
[Scene: The apartment. It is the next morning, and Pacey has fallen asleep in
the chair studying. Emma comes downstairs and goes to grab the coffee pot to
pour herself a cup of coffee, and the pot is empty. She reaches over to the
Coffee container on the container, but it is empty.]
Emma: [Sighs] [Inhales deeply] Hmm. Pacey! [Pacey doesn’t budge, still sleeping]
Pacey!
Pacey: Yes! What? I didn't do it.
Emma: You stayed up again all last night, haven't you?
Pacey: Yes.
Emma: And you finished all the coffee.
Pacey: [Talking at 90 miles an hour] Oh! Ok, yes. But there's more. We have
plenty. And you know, it's really strange. That thing that everybody says about
it being hard to stay up all night-- it's really not. It's just that hour from
4:00 to 5:00 that gets you. But you'd be amazed at what your mind actually
retains. I mean, I know all about market options, equity accounts,
nonconvertible bonds, but you'd—
Emma: Pacey!
Pacey: Yes?
Emma: Coffee!
Pacey: I got it.
[Reaches into the cupboard and pulls out a new can of coffee. Then they hear the
sound of the shower turning on]
Emma: That's not your bloody girlfriend in the shower again, is it?
Pacey: Nope. That's jack.
[They suddenly hear Audrey’s voice singing in the shower]
Audrey: All the leaves are brown the leaves are brown and the sky is gray
Pacey: [Laughs]
Emma: Do you know how long she's gonna be in there?
Pacey: Uh, that depends, really, on how big a water tank you have.
Emma: Didn't we talk about this?
Pacey: Yes, we did.
Emma: She's here all the time.
Pacey: Yes, she is. But you know what'd be a great idea? If the two of you would
discuss this, and then I'll go to work, and you tell me how it works out when I
get back. Ok? Ok. Bye-bye. Have a good day. Bye.
[Pacey makes a quick exit. Emma goes into the bathroom to tell Audrey to stop
singing, but stops and listens to her sing.]
[Audrey singing]
Audrey: All the leaves are brown, the leaves are brown ok. And the sky is gray
and the sky is gray I went for a-- I went for a walk on such a winter day
[Scene: Freeman’s Class. Jen is sitting in the room waiting for class to start
when Jack comes over and takes the seat next to hers]
Jen: Hey. So, what happened?
Jack: When?
Jen: At the party after we lost you.
Jack: Where'd you guys go, anyway?
Jen: Nowhere.
Jack: Yeah, right.
Jen: Look, don't change the subject on me. I want the details.
Jack: [Sighs] All right, look, nothin' happened. Ok? I mean, what could happen?
The guy's straight. You know? Even if he magically woke up one morning and he
was suddenly gay, it's not like I would actually get involved with the guy. Come
on.
Jen: You wouldn't?
Jack: No. God, no.
[Professor Freeman comes into the class, and heads to the podium]
Freeman: Greetings, everyone. Sorry I'm late. But I see exhibits A, B, C, and D
have arrived, by which I mean, of course, my teaching assistants, who may now
begin the arduous task of handing you back your papers. Unless, of course, you'd
prefer to sit here for 50 minutes staring at them while I drone on about
representations of the single father in pre- and post-Vietnam American
television.
[Laughter]
Freeman: No? No, I didn't think so. As you know, these papers represent 20% of
your grade, most of which were graded by the T.A.s, of course. But I did review
all the grades thoroughly myself, and I am prepared to deal with any and all sob
stories that may be coming my way. Just please keep in mind yeah! This is not
the first time I've heard the one about how a b-plus is gonna ruin your chances
[Jen turns her paper over and sees that she got a B.]
Jen: Turn it over.
[Jack turns his over and sees he got a C- and is confused]
Freeman: Of getting into a decent law school.
[Laughter]
[Scene: School Campus. Joey goes walking by a public posting board and sees
Eddie hanging up some of the band’s Flyers on the board, and walks by. She stops
a short while later and heads back to him]
Eddie: [Laughs] Should've kept walkin'.
Joey: Here. Let me.
Eddie: Nope. I got it.
Joey: Just trying to be nice.
Eddie: Well, don’t. I liked you a lot better when you were surly.
Joey: I am not-- look, I think that we have both been acting a little immature
since the incident.
Eddie: I've been acting immature?
Joey: I know that I have.
Eddie: Don't do that. Don't back down. If you do that in class today, Heston’s
gonna eat you alive.
Joey: I see, and when will you be granting us with your in-class presentation?
Eddie: You know, if you think I'm being a jerk, just tell me.
Joey: And how is that gonna help us get along any better?
Eddie: Oh, it's--it's not, but let's not pretend things are all nice when
they're not.
Joey: They're not?
Eddie: No. The, uh, "incident," as you so clinically refer to it, was you
kissing me on the mouth with some sort of twisted intent we've yet to clarify.
Agreeable, yes, but hardly nice.
Joey: What, so now we have to get into some sort of semantic argument?
[They stop outside the entrance of the library]
Joey: So, you coming or what?
Eddie: What, to the library?
Joey: Yeah. That's where we're headed.
Eddie: That's where you were headed. And if you're still feeling "nice," you
might want to hang some of these up in there.
[He hands her some flyers and then heads off]
[Scene: The film set. Dawson comes walking up to Todd who is sitting in the
director’s chair and they both watch as Heather walks past them screaming on the
cell phone at someone. He is carrying a plate of food with him]
Heather: Yeah, well, he wants a new D.P and he wants him now. It's not even
noon, and she's already fired people on 3 continents.
Todd: 3-egg omelet?
Dawson: One egg, 2 egg whites.
Todd: Let's do it.
[The go over to Heather who is still yelling at the person on the phone]
Heather: Yeah? Well, if I knew that, then I'd be the assistant. Listen, sweetie,
I gotta go.
Todd: Breakfast is served, luv.
Heather: I'm not gonna beat around the bush, Todd. As your little friend here
pointed out last night, you're way behind schedule and way over budget, both of
which we could live with if the footage were a dream. But we hate the girl.
Todd: Natasha?
Heather: Natasha, Natalie, Nadia, whatever. The one with the nice rack. I know
you said you could work with her, but we figure we shut down, we recast—
Todd: Hold on a bloody minute here! Yes, she might've been a bit unprepared, but
you don't go and shut down an entire production—
Dawson: She can do this job. For a horror movie like this to work, the heroine's
gotta be both sexy and intelligent. Natasha is that girl.
Heather: Why do I care what he thinks?
Todd: He is the target demographic.
Dawson: Show her some cut footage. We can put some together by this afternoon.
Heather: You really think that's gonna change my mind?
Todd: Couldn't hurt.
[Cell phone rings]
Heather: Yeah?
[She leaves them and they both look at each other]
[Commercial Break]
[Scene: Freeman’s Class. The class has just ended and everybody is leaving. Jack
and Jen are still sitting in their chairs looking at their paper grades.]
Jen: Ok, well, this has gotta be some kind of mistake. I mean, mine's higher
than yours.
Jack: Looks that way.
Jen: And you've actually been working hard all semester.
Jack: Yeah, well, apparently not hard enough.
[Jack heads up to the front of the class where Freeman is just finishing up with
a student]
Freeman: Real nice work.
Jack: Hi.
Freeman: Don't tell me, another unsatisfied customer.
Jack: I--I just, um... had a question about my grade. Uh, C-minus seems a little
low for a paper that you enjoyed.
Freeman: I said that, did I?
Jack: Yeah, you did the other night.
Freeman: Of course. Uh, what I meant was I really enjoyed the content. Your
grasp of structure, on the other hand, is quite rudimentary. I can recommend a
few books that might help with that. However, I do have another class I need to
get to right now.
Jack: Yeah, sure.
[Jack goes to leave]
Freeman: You know, a c-minus really isn't all that bad, Jack. You told me
yourself you weren't a very motivated student.
Jack: Well, I guess I thought I was doin' better this term.
Freeman: Well, maybe your expectations were too high.
Jack: [Sighs]
[Scene: The film set. Todd is sitting in a camera sled while one of the workers
pushes the sled slowly and Todd looks through the camera trying to set up the
shot.]
Todd: Slower. Slower. [Shouts] Cut!
Man: Cut on rehearsal.
Todd: Can someone find leery for me, please?
[Dawson comes running up to him]
Dawson: Here. Right here.
Todd: So, is she gone?
Dawson: She left 15 minutes ago with directions to the nearest gym. Gonna meet
with her and the editor when we break for lunch.
Woman: Makeup's done with Natasha. We're just waiting on camera.
Dawson: Thanks.
Todd: Just the chance I've been waiting for.
Dawson: What are you gonna do?
Todd: What do you think I'm gonna do? Favorite part of the job, mate.
Dawson: You don't mean that.
Todd: Course I do. Nothing's as much fun as explaining to the overpaid hairdos
how imminently replaceable they all are.
Dawson: I thought you liked her.
Todd: I do. Not as much as you do, of course, which may be clouding your
judgment on this matter.
Dawson: Point taken, but how is yellin' at her gonna help? I mean, if you
destroy her confidence, the day's not gonna go any faster.
Todd: Listen, mate, let me let you in on a little secret. 2-bit horror movies
that get shut down one week into production? They don't always get started up
again. And as someone who works for me, my continued employment might be of some
interest to you.
Dawson: So you'd fire her just like that.
Todd: If it was a choice between her and me. That'd be dead easy now, wouldn't
it?
[Man comes running up to them]
Man: Todd. They need you at camera.
Todd: This discussion is not over.
[The start walking back to the set, leaving Dawson alone, and a prop man gets in
Todd’s way.]
Todd: 'Scuse me.
[Scene: The Dressing Tent. Dawson walks in, as Natasha comes out of behind some
clothing racks wearing no top or bra. She quickly covers up as Dawson adverts
his eyes. And she goes over to the chair to grab her bra and puts it on]
Natasha: I thought I had 5 minutes. Ooh!
Dawson: Um--sorry.
Natasha: Ha ha ha! Black bra, white shirt. Never a good idea. So, I, um... I
heard Todd wants to talk with me.
Dawson: Uh, yeah. It's, uh... about this shot.
Natasha: What, it's complicated?
Dawson: Well, he...likes to move the camera.
Natasha: Yeah, so I noticed. So, um... who's that woman you guys were talking to
this morning?
Dawson: She's the, uh, executive in charge of production. She's worried about
all the overtime.
Natasha: Cool. Is something wrong, Dawson?
Dawson: No, nothin', other than you being naked when I walked in.
Natasha: Such a prude. If we're gonna work together, you're gonna have to learn
to get over things like that.
Dawson: All right. Well, you're gonna have to learn how to not leave every room
I walk into.
Natasha: Ok, so we both have room for improvement.
[She finally decides which shirt to wear and begins putting it on.]
Natasha: I know I'm in the doghouse.
Dawson: What makes you think that?
Natasha: Look... Todd’s not the best communicator, and he's not exactly a
touchy-feely kind of guy. A girl can tell. That's why I really need to nail this
big scene tonight. Help me? My best friend's dying, and I don't know what I'm
supposed to be thinking.
Dawson: Don't think. Your best friend's dying. What are you gonna do?
Natasha: I don't know. Save her? Comfort her?
Dawson: And if that doesn't work?
Natasha: Save myself?
Dawson: Exactly. It's-- don't think. Just act. Just--and when Todd asks you to
jump...
Natasha: Ask how high.
Dawson: And how far. Always be aware where the camera is. That's how you
communicate with him.
Natasha: [Sighs] You really think that's gonna work?
[Woman reaches her head into the tent]
Woman: They're ready for you, Natasha.
Dawson: Guarantee it.
Natasha: Thank you.
[Scene: Pacey’s work. Pacey is sitting at his desk, talking on a headset phone
to a client. He is very into the phone conversation]
Pacey: You're kiddin' me, right? I mean, Stan, look, I'm as risk-adverse as the
next guy, but you're just quittin'. Y-you're not even keepin' up with the
inflation, and, Stan, all I'm askin' for is a hint of your interest, and I w—
[Pacey looks up and notices Audrey walk into the office space, and is a little
perplexed by it.] uh...you know what, Stan? I'm gonna have to call you back on
this, but I will be in touch, because, believe me, this is gonna be a hot issue.
[He walks towards Audrey forgetting to take the phone off his head and it pulls
off and falls to the floor as he goes over to Audrey]
Audrey: Ah! There you are. Finally! That mean receptionist was—
Pacey: Audrey. What are you doing here?
Audrey: No hello? No smooch? I'm trying to tell you it took me forever to get
past the—
Pacey: honey. We can't do this here.
Man: Get a room, Witter.
Pacey: That's a great idea. Thanks for the tip. Ok, let's go to the conference
room.
Audrey: Bye, everyone.
[They got into the conference room]
[Humming]
Pacey: Audrey. You really can't just pop in like this.
Audrey: Well, what am I supposed to do, Pacey? You won't take any of my phone
calls.
Pacey: Because I'm at work. And when I'm at work, I'm on the phone, which makes
it particularly difficult for me to take other calls. In fact, I shouldn't be in
here right now. I should be outside... on the phone.
Audrey: I get it. Ok, please don't be mad at me. Please? Please? The absolute
best thing in the world has happened, and I wouldn't have come by if it weren't
completely major.
Pacey: How major?
Audrey: Emma has asked me to be in her band. Me. For real. I mean, well, it's
sort of on a trial basis, 'cause, you know, basically she still can't stand me
and she thinks I ate all of her basmati rice or whatever, but we have been
rehearsing all day, and we have a gig tonight at hell's kitchen.
Pacey: That's great.
Audrey: I know! It is! Which is why I had to come here and coerce you into
coming out this evening. Honey, I need you there. It's kinda like my audition,
and, from what I understand, Emma is a little bit of a temperamental control
freak when it comes to her band. Say no more. You're gonna come?
Pacey: I will, just so long as—
Audrey: I'm leaving. Ok. Bye.
[Pacey watches as she goes, then heads back to work]
[Scene: Heston’s Class. Joey is up in front of the entire class giving her oral
presentation, as the class is listening.]
Joey: The games continue, and, of course, culminate in the explanation of the
cryptogrammic paper.
Heston: Stop. I'm so bored, I'm losing my pulse here, potter. When Hubert gets
called away for the urgent phone call, he returns to find Lolita doing what with
the likes of Clare Quilty?
Joey: Playing tennis.
Heston: What kind of tennis?
Joey: Good tennis?
Heston: Potter! Oh, you disappoint me. How are we ever gonna learn anything
today when the person who's supposed to be teaching us hasn't even read the
book? Somebody? Anybody?
[Eddie raises his hand when no one else does]
Heston: Eddie. Of course Eddie. Eddie always knows. I mean, rarely volunteers,
but always knows. So, please, enlighten us.
Eddie: Doubles.
Heston: Told you. Always knows. And thank god he's here to pick up the slack for
Miss Potter, who... may now return to boring us to death.
Eddie: Hey, you know, maybe if you laid off her for 2 seconds at a time, she
might not be so nervous.
Heston: What was that? A little criticism of my teaching techniques? Because I
have to say I've always considered myself pretty lenient, pretty willing to
overlook certain things other, more traditional, by-the-book teachers might not
appreciate.
Eddie: Whatever.
Heston: Oh, you don't agree? [Laughs] I'm ready to make this a larger discussion
any time you are. In fact, I've been ready for weeks now.
Joey: Am I teaching here or what? Because... the doubles thing is actually very
important.
Heston: I know. That's why I brought it up. I'm gonna give you another chance to
redeem yourself. Circa 1940, a well-known Russian émigré writer named Vladimir
Sirin ceases to exist. Why?
[Joey begins looking through her note cards in her hand]
Heston: S-I-R-I-N. No idea? Perhaps you should ask your always-much-better-
informed doppelganger. Eddie.
Eddie: Because he never existed in the first place.
Heston: Never existed! You mean he was a shadow? A shade? A double, perhaps?
Someone passing himself off as someone else?
Eddie: Yeah, you could say that, or you could just say it was a pen name.
Heston: You could, but it's secret identity, nonetheless. I'm sorry. This seems
a little... off-topic for you?
Eddie: No. I'm just saying I get the point.
Heston: Ah. But do the rest of them?
Eddie: Do they need to?
Heston: You tell me.
Eddie: Personally, I think the question is moot. But if it really bothers you
that much, I'll go.
[Eddie Grabs his bag and leaves]
Heston: Oh, well, don't just stand there, potter. Carry on.
Joey: In a minute.
Heston: Did you just say what I think you said?
Joey: Yes.
[Joey walks past Heston and out the door after Eddie]
Joey: Hey. Wait up.
Eddie: Oh, are you leaving, too?
Joey: No, you're coming back. Look, I don't know what just happened back there,
but you can't back down from him when he—
Eddie: You're right. You don't know what just happened back there, so in that
case, maybe the best thing for you to do is just mind your own damn business.
[Commercial Break]
[Scene: Hell’s Kitchen. Emma is cleaning up a table while Joey is talking to
her. It is early in the day, and there are not many people in for the lunch time
crowd.]
Emma: Well, he's not here. He must not be working tonight.
Joey: He works every night.
Emma: Well this is one.
Joey: Well, you don't happen to know where he lives, do you?
Emma: Flat somewhere. Take you, like, 2 hours to get there on public transport.
Joey: You mean he doesn't live on campus?
Emma: Which one?
Joey: Worthington?
Emma: Well, why would he live on the Worthington campus?
Joey: Um, no reason.
Emma: You didn't think he's a student, did you? I mean, I know he reads a lot.
Joey: Yeah, he does.
Emma: Um... you don't think they'd have his address on file in the back, do you?
Joey: Probably.
Emma: Thanks. And I'll be back to close, and good luck tonight with the gig.
Joey: Thank you.
Emma: Got a bit of a surprise for you, actually.
Joey: Really!
[Scene: The film set. Dawson, Todd and Heather are watching a scene in the
cutting room.]
Natasha: [on film] Somebody!
[Pounding on door]
Natasha: [on film] Somebody, please help me! Help!
[The stop the scene]
Heather: Well... that constitutes improvement. Adequate instead of abysmal.
Dawson: That's not fair.
Heather: [to sell phone] Get me Chatsworth. [To Dawson and Todd] I mean, come
on. Is she supposed to be looking down at the ground like that, or did she just
not know where her marks are? [To the cell phone] New York, L.A., I don't care!
[She walks away from them]
Dawson: She barely even watched it.
Todd: Yeah, I can see that, but exactly whose job are you tryin' to save here?
Dawson: Everyone’s. Look, the worst possible thing that happens, you get shut
down. Right? So you gotta get her to watch it again, and this time, highlight
Natasha’s strengths instead of her weaknesses. Use that close-up. And change
that music.
[He looks at Dawson, and then over to Scott]
Todd: Do it. Fast. [Scott starts, and Todd turns to Dawson] And...you stay here.
What's needed now is some cool professionalism.
Dawson: Right.
[Todd goes after Heather]
Heather: All right. Fine. I'll hold.
Todd: Heather, luv.
Heather: Yes?
Todd: How about we discuss this rationally before you throw out several thousand
feet of film?
Heather: Rational? Rational, like the time you took me to Bermuda with you and
dumped me for an exotic dance instructor?
Todd: Look, there's no reason to get personal about it. You know what I mean?
You're engaged now.
Heather: Working on a film that's about to be shut down... by me and quite
possibly never started up again. [to the cell phone] Still holding.
Todd: Look! You signed off on this girl, did you not? It wasn't some other prada-wearing
nightmare I accidentally shagged!
Heather: For your information, I signed off on this girl because I thought you
could get a performance out of her.
[they join Dawson and Scott who were working on the cuts]
Dawson: And he did. You just haven't seen it yet. Scott?
[they start playing the new cuts]
Natasha: [on film] Somebody, please help me! Somebody! Help me! Somebody!
Somebody, help me! Please! Please! Somebody, please help me!
Dawson: Better, no? Before it was all about the location, whereas now it's like
we're alone with her and her fear.
Todd: What do you think? Your job could be on the line here, too, you know.
Natasha: Well, I think your little friend here makes a good point.
[Scene: outside Freeman’s office. Jack is waiting outside for Freeman to finish
up with the student in his office. He is becoming very anxious while waiting.]
Jack: Come on. [Exhales]
[The door opens and a student comes out]
Freeman: Jack. Sorry. I didn't know anybody else was out there.
[They go into his office]
Jack: Yeah. Must, uh... must take a while to get to the end of all your adoring
fans.
Freeman: So, what can I help you with?
Jack: Look, I've been thinking about this all day. Uh, there's just one more
thing I gotta ask you about this paper.
Freeman: Sure.
Jack: If I hadn't been so shocked about what you said to me the other night,
would this C-minus have been any higher?
Freeman: Low blow.
Jack: Yeah, 'cause, you know, I'm just tryin' to make an informed decision here,
and if that's what this is all about, hell, ask me again, 'cause I just might
say yes this time.
Freeman: I don't know what to say. Um... sometimes people read too much into
things.
Jack: Too much? How about too little? 'Cause I'm totally willin' to go through—
Freeman: I get it. I get your point. You know, it's one thing to be some scared
teenager, afraid of his-- his friends, his family, afraid of what everybody he
meets might think and say about him. You know, I can forgive that. Hell, I can
expect that. But you, you're an adult. Ok, somebody's married to you. You're--
you're ruining lives here on a much larger scale.
Freeman: What can I say? Not everyone's willing to make sacrifices for some sort
of political agenda. Not everybody's willing to spend their lives being part of
a despised minority.
Jack: Yeah. [Laughs] Well... that's true. But maybe you should ask yourself
who's doin' the despising.
[Walks out of the office leaving his paper on the desk]
[Scene: Hell’s Kitchen. Audrey is in the back room, nervously awaiting going on
stage when Jen comes back to join her. Audrey is porting a fake Nose and lip
ring.]
Audrey: So you checked. I mean, he's out there, right?
Jen: Well, I'm not exactly sure. It's--it's kind of too crowded to tell.
Audrey: How crowded?
Jen: Way crowded. Why? Are you ok? You're not scared, are you?
Audrey: No! God, no. Why would I be scared?
Jen: I don't know. You j--you just-- you seem sort of tense.
Audrey: I'm fine.
Jen: Hey. Um...about the other night.
Audrey: What other night?
Jen: When we got really drunk.
Audrey: You know what? To be honest-to-god truthful with you, Jen, I don't
really remember that at all, so—
[Emma comes into the back room]
Emma: Ok, ladies, enough checkin' your makeup. I think the crowd's suitably
drunk by now.
Audrey: Does that mean that we're on?
Emma: It does.
[Emma and Audrey make their way onto the stage as Jen goes back into the
audience.]
Emma: Hey. The piercings are a nice touch, by the way.
Audrey: Thank you!
Emma: Screw this up, and I'll kill you.
Audrey: Ok. Sure.
[Audrey goes up to the mic and begins to introduce the band]
Audrey: Um...hey, everybody. We are the hell's belles, and we thought we would
play a few songs for you now, you know, something... soothing, something
relaxing, something...
[Drum beat]
[Drum playing rhythmic beat]
Audrey: All the leaves are brown and the sky is gray! I've been for a walk on a
winter day I'd be safe and warm, warm, warm if I was in L.A.! California dreamin'
on such a winter day! California dreamin' on such a winter day!
[Scene: Outside an apartment door. Joey comes walking up to the door after
checking the address she wrote down on a piece of paper, she goes to knock on
the door when Eddie come walking up from behind her.]
Eddie: What the hell you doing here?
Joey: God, you scared me.
Eddie: Yeah, obviously. I asked you a question.
Joey: I just wanted to talk to you about what happened in class today.
Eddie: Yeah, well, since I'm not really in that class anymore—
Joey: Look, I know. I get it, ok? I get that you're not really a student.
Eddie: You get that, do you?
Joey: Yeah. I mean, I don't really get what it was all for, but-- you know, I've
come a long way. Maybe you could just give me a glass of water or something?
[They go inside]
Joey: So, my presentation actually went ok after you left. I mean, I just went
in there, and I—
Eddie: Mm-hmm. Congratulations, Joey. I'm happy for you. Yeah. I'm sure you're
only seconds away from breaking through Heston’s crusty exterior, earning his
undying respect, and graduating magna cum laude. Or you could just save yourself
a lot of trouble and sleep with the man.
Joey: Is it just me, or do you react this nicely to everybody who's trying to
help you? What? No response?
Eddie: You're gonna have to give me a second here. I'm still trying to process
the condescending notion that help is actually required.
Joey: Oh, you don't think it's possible I could understand?
Eddie: No, I don’t. Look, Joey, I'm sorry I didn't turn out to be the person you
thought I was, but you know what? Probably not too wise to invest that much in
people you barely know.
Joey: Oh, I haven't invested anything in you.
Eddie: Oh, yeah? Then why are you here? See, it seems to me that you're wasting
valuable time that would be better spent trying to get back with that preppy
boyfriend of yours if he'll have you.
Joey: You know what? You remember when you told me to tell you when you were
being a jerk?
Eddie: Yeah. You could have saved yourself a lot of trouble by just calling
first.
Joey: Oh. I guess it didn't seem like trouble at the time.
[Commercial Break]
[Scene: Hell’s Kitchen. Audrey is still on stage performing before a huge crowd.
Jen is in the audience cheering Audrey on, Joey enters the bar looking around
for Jen.]
[Girls just want to have fun playing]
Audrey: [Singing] I come home in the morning light my mother says what, you
gonna live your life right? Oh, mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones and
girls, they want to have-- oh, girls just want to have fun the phone rings in
the middle of the night my father says what you gonna do with your life? Oh,
daddy dear, you know you're still number one but girls, they want to have-- oh,
girls just want to have-- that's all they really want some fun when the working
day is done oh, girls, they want to have-- oh, girls just want to have fun
[Joey finally finds Jen and goes over to join her]
Joey: Hey.
Jen: Hey! I was beginning to think you didn't work here anymore.
Joey: Is that—
Jen: Oh, Audrey. Yeah. She joined Emma’s band.
Audrey: [Singing] Just wanna they just wanna just wanna they just wanna just
wanna they just wanna just wanna girls just want to have fun oh girls just want
to have fun
Crowd: Whoo!
Jen: Yay, Audrey!
Crowd: Whoo hoo!
[Scene: Hell’s Kitchen. Back room. The group has just finished playing and
Audrey and Emma come into the back room, and plop down in chairs as Audrey grabs
some water and throws a bottle to Emma]
Audrey: Oh, my god, that was amazing!
Emma: Yeah, well, it didn't suck!
Audrey: Oh, come on! It worked! They loved us! Admit it. They loved us.
Emma: All right. Yeah. They loved us.
[Joey and Jen come into the back room]
Audrey: Joey, honey, you made it!
Joey: Yes. I didn't see the whole thing, but you were great!
Jen: You were more than great. You were amazing.
Audrey: See? Do you see that? We were amazing. Where's Pacey?
[No one answer, and she is upset by this]
[Scene: The movie set. Dawson is standing next to the chair that Heather is
sitting in waiting as Todd comes walking up with Natasha with him]
Todd: Heather, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Natasha, this is Heather
Tracy from the studio.
Heather: Hi. Oh, my god! It is so great—[She gives Natasha a phony Hollywood
kiss on the cheek] Mwah! To finally meet you! You have amazing skin.
Natasha: Uh...thanks.
Heather: Such a total pro. We are so happy to have you on our team. Great job in
the scene tonight, by the way.
Natasha: Thanks. I decided not to think tonight.
Todd: Heather, shall we?
Heather: Goody. I can hardly wait.
Todd: See you kids later.
[Todd and Heather walk off together.]
Natasha: She hates me, right?
Dawson: I wouldn't say that.
Natasha: It's generally not a good sign when the director leaves the set at
lunch with someone who's just arrived from L.A. What'd you guys do, go shoe
shopping? Start auditioning my replacement?
Dawson: Uh...the first one.
Natasha: You're not a good liar, Dawson. In fact, you're a spectacularly bad
liar. Come on. You can be honest with me. I know I got this job on a fluke.
Dawson: You got this job because you're the best person for the part, because
you're tremendously talented.
Natasha: Yeah, right. Or maybe just tremendously lucky.
Dawson: I think everyone feels that way about success— Everyone with a soul.
Natasha: And you've still got one, right?
Dawson: [Sighs] I think so.
Natasha: I think that may be why we ended up together, you and me. When we met
at that party...
Dawson: Mm-hmm.
Natasha: I was pretty down on myself. I thought maybe I was an idiot for trying
to do this thing and that I should just give up and, I don't know, be a
kindergarten teacher like my mom's always telling me.
Dawson: Your mom wanted you to be a kindergarten teacher?
Natasha: [Laughs] Yeah.
Dawson: Ha ha!
Natasha: There's a lot she doesn't know about my teen years.
Dawson: Heh!
Natasha: Anyway... I remember thinking, if one more working actor sits down next
to me and starts complaining about his life, I will scream. I will literally get
up out of this chair and run screaming to California Pizza Kitchen, quit my job,
and move home. And then you came over. Why'd you do that, anyway?
Dawson: Honestly?
Natasha: Mm-hmm.
Dawson: You were the only hot girl in the room who looked like she might have
actually read a book at some point in her life.
Natasha: And you knew right then that I was right for this part.
Dawson: After I talked to you for a little while, yeah.
Natasha: So you weren't just chatting me up?
Dawson: Oh, I was chatting you up.
Natasha: You were?
Dawson: Oh, yeah. But I figured telling you about some big audition couldn't
exactly hurt.
Natasha: Yeah. Then I nailed it. I still can't believe it. God, that was a great
day. It felt like my luck was finally changing.
Dawson: It has.
Natasha: Yes, it has. Well, I should go get changed.
Dawson: All right.
Natasha: But maybe tonight at the bar, we could, I don't know, play some air
hockey or throw some darts.
Dawson: I'd like that.
Natasha: Me, too.
[She goes into her trailer, and Dawson just smiles and walks off]
[Scene: Outside Emma’s Apartment. Emma and Audrey come walking up to the
apartment after their gig at Hell’s Kitchen.]
Audrey: It kind of rocks that the bar's right across the street.
Emma: It simplifies things a bit, actually.
Audrey: You know, I really should thank you.
Emma: What for?
Audrey: For taking a chance on me and all that crap.
Emma: Can't really mess up punk-rock all that bad, now, can you?
Audrey: I know, but still it was important to you, and you trusted me, and...
Emma: Let's not hug or anything. Your pig of a boyfriend's likely to enjoy that.
Audrey: He would, actually.
[They go inside to find Pacey sitting on the couch passed out, sitting straight
up]
Emma: Oh, dear. Poor sot. He stayed up all last night, you know, and he was
gonna crash. Oh, well. See you tomorrow. Good night.
Audrey: Good night.
[Emma goes upstairs and Audrey goes up behind Pacey and begins shaking him
awake.]
Pacey: Uhh!
Audrey: Hey.
Pacey: Oh, crap. I missed it, didn't I?
Audrey: Yeah.
Pacey: Audrey, I was coming in to change my clothes, and I meant to just—
Audrey: You didn't get very far with that, did you?
Pacey: Ok. Tell me how I can make this up to you. Please. Whatever you want. I
am completely, totally, utterly yours, at your service.
Audrey: I know it's kind of late and everything, but do you think you could just
drive me home?
Pacey: Yeah, sure. Of course.
Audrey: I just kind of want to sleep in my own bed tonight.
Pacey: Absolutely. Not a problem.
Audrey: Ok. I'm gonna go get my stuff.
Pacey: [Yawns] Ok. I'll be-- I'll just wait here. [Sighs]
[Scene: Hell’s Kitchen. It is after closing, and Joey is cleaning up, when Eddie
comes walking into the bar.]
Joey: What are you doing here?
Eddie: I knew you were closing, thought you could use a little help.
Joey: In what way could you possibly help?
Eddie: All right. That was fair.
Joey: Not to mention how condescending it is, you know, the assumption that I
actually need help.
Eddie: Ok, I get it. Are you done yet?
Joey: Only for the time being.
Eddie: It was an accident, ok? The first time I did it.
Joey: How do you accidentally sit in on a class and pretend to be a student?
Eddie: Well, I'm on my lunch hour, I'm sitting under some tree, and this grad
student comes over with his whole section of "great books" one-oh-whatever-
the-hell-it-is, and they start talking about Shakespeare.
Joey: And you just happened to be reading it that day?
Eddie: No. I was reading Moby Dick. Later, I read Shakespeare.
Joey: All of it?
Eddie: No sense in doing things halfway, right?
Joey: I see, and since it was so easy, you just kept doing it.
Eddie: It prevents me from deliberately stepping into the street and
methodically knocking people's hats off.
Joey: Moby Dick, right?
Eddie: Hey, maybe you're not as dumb as Heston thinks you are.
Joey: We'll see. Look. Contrary to what you might believe, I only came by your
place tonight to apologize. I felt like it was kind of my fault that you got
caught today.
Eddie: How's that?
Joey: Heston wouldn't have singled you out if you weren't trying to be so nice
to me.
Eddie: Nice? You thought I was trying to be nice to you?
Joey: Yeah. It seemed kind of obvious.
Eddie: Wrong.
Joey: Wrong?
Eddie: Yes. That wasn't me being nice. That was me showing off. You know, you
disappoint me, Potter.
Joey: I do?
Eddie: Yes.
Joey: How are we supposed to learn anything today, people?
Eddie: You didn't do your groundwork, did you?
Joey: No, I didn’t.
Eddie: No, you didn’t.
[Scene: A coffee Stand on Campus. Jack has just ordered a cup of coffee and
Professor Freeman comes walking up from behind him and throws Jack’s Paper on
the counter. The grade has been changed from a C-minus to a B.]
Jack: What's this?
Freeman: You left your paper in my office yesterday.
Jack: Is this supposed to make everything ok?
Freeman: Look, maybe I did let my emotions affect the way that I graded your
paper. If I did, that's inexcusable.
Jack: I sense an excuse coming on here.
Freeman: You have no idea, do you, of how much the world has changed?
Jack: Look, if the world's changed, it's because people are willing to stand up
and be honest about things, not hide behind things that are easier.
Freeman: When I was growing up, when I was--how did you put it-- a scared
teenager, you didn't have gay kids coming out to their parents on MTV.
Jack: Yeah, and Jack Tripper was the only gay man in America, right?
Freeman: You think that's such a small thing, such a minute cultural difference?
Maybe you really haven't been paying attention in my class, jack.
Jack: Just do me a favor and have one of the T.A.s grade my papers from now on,
please.
Freeman: No problem.
[Freeman leaves and Jen comes walking up to Jack]
Jen: Ooh, nice. Little private teacher conference. What was that all about?
Jack: I'm just getting that thing with my paper straightened out.
Jen: Oh, yeah. Is it?
Jack: Straight? Yeah. Perfectly.
[They walk off together as the camera pulls away form them]
________________________
Transcribed by
Chris Uecke |
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