In the town of Montaillou, as in other medieval towns, marriage was a large part of the town's social, political, and religious life. Unlike other medieval towns, Montaillou did not have just one religion. Marriage for love, a typical modern value ascribed to the Middle Ages, did occur in Montaillou but mostly in a one-sided manner. The Albigensian heresy had a large impact on marriage in Montaillou because of its widespread influence. Not only did the beliefs of the heretics differ about marriage, but those beliefs also affected other aspects of marriage such as choice of partners and domestic violence.
Marriage for love was difficult in Montaillou because of the fact that most marriages were arranged by the families. True to the ideas espoused by the medieval troubadour, most love relationships in Montaillou took place outside of marriage: either before marriage or during it. The structured practice of marriages arranged by the families of the husband and wife left little room to consider the feelings of the people involved. Marriages for love did happen in the town, but they were mostly one sided. The man would marry the woman he loved, but it often did not matter if she reciprocated his feelings. Women were seen as a commodity to be traded with in marriages, the women rarely married where their heart was given. Bernard Clergue married his wife out of love. He describes as situation that illustrates his love for Raymonde before their marriage. "More than 12 years age, during the summer, I was madly in love with Raymonde, who is now my wife...(p 187)" Bernard was able to marry for love because of his family's good social and economic standing. He had a choice among the daughters of the upper class families of the town.
Marriage was practiced widely by the citizens of Montaillou, including the heretics. In theory, an Albigensian was supposed to be celibate to avoid the sin associated with the carnal knowledge of another person. Although tolerant of illegitimate sexual relations, the perfecti realized that the average person was unlikely to give up sex and the perfecti in the area allowed marriage ass lesser of two evils. Although the sin was the same, it was better to have sex with your spouse than it was to go from person to person committing sin. Guillaume Belibaste, a Cathar holy man, said, "It amounts to the same and the sin is the same, to know one's own wife carnally or to do the same with a concubine. This being so, it is better for a man to attach himself to a definite woman than to fly from one to another like a bee among the flowers. (p 17g)" Like Catholicism, if a person must have sex, it is preferred to be in a monogamous relationship. Also said by Belibaste, "So you two want to get married? if you mutually desire one another, all right. Promise you will be faithful to one another, and serve one another in times of health of sickness (p 179)."
There were also proscriptions about whom a person cannot marry. This often proved a problem is such a small, endogamous town. Similarly to Catholicism, Albigensianism forbade sexual relations and marriage between close relatives. Close relatives were defined as a persons parents, siblings, and aunts and uncles, and first cousins. About incest Belibaste said, "As for incest with women of one's own blood or related to by marriage, that is a shameful act, and I in no way advise believers to indulge in it... (p 179)" The Albigensian beliefs also forbade marriage to people related by another marriage to each other. According to Belibaste, "Many believers imagine that it is no shame to know carnally women to whom they are related or connected by marriage... I consider this kind of incest wicked and shameful (p 185)." Part of the problem the citizens of Montaillou had in following these rules was the lack of knowledge of all of one's relative, particularly when it came to a Vperson's first cousins or relatives by marriage. On page 186, there is an example of a young girl in Montaillou who met a man she didn't know as her cousin.
Often, when given a choice, a man of Montaillou would choose a woman with the same beliefs that he had. Through the mishap of an arranged marriage, we learn that heretical men prefer women with the same religious leanings. Bertrand de Taiz, a heretic, was disappointed when he discovered that the woman he arranged to marry was a pious Catholic, not the heretic he expected (p 189). The followers of Belibaste believed that "it is better to marry a believer and who has only her shift than one with a big dowry who is not a believer (p 184)." After wondering why her lover, Bernard Belot, would not marry her, she was told by Arnaud Vital, "Even if you had been as rich as any woman in the Comte de Foiz, Bernard would not have taken you for his wife because you are not of his faith, so there could be no question of his trusting you (p 170)." Women were not given much choice in the matter, and were often married to men, for political or economic reasons, who did not share their heretical beliefs.
Stemming from a woman's lack of choice in the matter of marriage, her heretical beliefs could lead to violence, or the threat of violence. The threat of the Inquisition to a household that contained heresy made this even worse. Guillemette Clergue was afraid of her husband finding out about her heretical beliefs. She once said, "Never tell my husband we have been talking about that (Albigensian goodmen) for if he found out he would kill me. He hates the heretics (p 193)." Even the slight suspicion of heretical involvement would bring down threats of violence. Guillaume Ascou, a Catholic, suspected his wife of spending time with a heretic. Raymond Sicre, a witness of the ensuing scene described it in this way. "And Guillaume d'Ascou, furious, went to bed and covered his head, uttering threats against his wife (p 193)." Guillemette Maury was married off to Bertrand Piquier by her father. Because she was a Cathar sympathizer and Bertrand was a devoted Catholic the marriage went wrong. Guillemette ended up running away from her husband (p 190).
Even within the believers of the Albigensian heresy there were many misogynist beliefs that seemed to justify domestic violence against women. According to Belibaste (p 194), a woman's soul would not be allowed into heaven. She had to be reincarnated as a man to be able to enjoy paradise. This seems to imply that what ever happens to a woman is this life does not matter since she cannot go to heaven anyway. This may have justified some mistreatment of women, even those who were heretics. Belibaste expressed other sentiments that illustrate his uncaring attitude to women. He said the Pierre Maury, "A man is worth nothing if he is not his wife's master (p 194)."
Because of the close social structure, the practice of marrying in the town of Montaillou, and the widespread heresy, marriage in Montaillou was different than in many other medieval areas. The Albigensian heresy had definite views on love, sex, and marriage that often appeared similar to Catholicism but were actually compromises designed to keep people faithful to the heresy. The heresy affected who would be married to whom and the relations between man and wife. All of this was aggravated by the rivalry between religions stirred up by the Inquisition. Marriage for love was even less likely in Montaillou than in other medieval towns due to the highly structured format of arranged marriages.