the best thing i never had


it's tearing me up inside,
this thing they call love.
i thought we were floating,
somewhere inside a silver lining.
now it feels pricked,
losing altitude.
i'm plummeting.
i can't breathe.
something within me
beginning to burst.
pressure.
aching.
rupture.
i feel as though destiny
is shutting me out
and turning me down
but sending you steaming ahead.
maybe my perspective
is sullied because i
fell first.
i close my eyes
and open them
and everything is clearer
because i am closer to it
but i haven't moved.
suddenly i'm not falling anymore.
everything is still in motion,
but i have stopped.
everything is coming to hit me.
it seems everywhere i turn
something is hurtling at me
to bruise and tear and hurt.
you can't even pull me up and out
because now you are 10000 miles away
and further than ever.


phoenix mckenna © Fri. 20 April, 2001


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