Thank-you for the introduction Uncle Toots.
Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, boys and girls, it gives me great pleasure to be standing here before you for this splendid occasion. And speaking of splendid, how good does Kristin look?
And how about the Bridesmaids? I’d quickly like to thank the Bridesmaids for the support and help that they have given Kristin over the past few days. Similarly, thanks to the Groomsmen too.
Both Richard’s and my family have a respectably long history of friendship. And it is with great trepidation that I’m here before you, given that both Ed, Richard’s father, and Richard have performed similar duties at recent Laing weddings. I’d like to think that I’m following in the foot-steps of great individuals....but then again, this is Richard we’re talking about... I can’t recall the moment that I first met Richard (known as Rick to many of us), but it was quite some time ago. If pressed, I would suggest Christmas 1984, in Kuwait, where our respective fathers were working. And while the passing of time has dulled my memory about this encounter, Rick’s is still crystal clear. Rick frequently mentions the moment that my brother and I broke that year’s Christmas present which he had just been given (I’m reliably informed it was a transformer). And to add insult to injury, I didn’t invite Rick to my 9th birthday, which was held a Kuwait’s premier stop for the under 10s: Entertainment City. Some would say that this was a deliberate act....wouldn’t you say Richard? For the record it was a great party too... However, the fact that I am standing here before you is testament of Rick’s ability to forgive... and nearly forget.
There have been a number of occasions where the moment wouldn’t have been the same without Richard’s participation. As youngsters in Egypt, we were prone to getting into mischief, some of it we could handle, and we took the punishment in our stride – this included the restrictions placed on us at the local go-kart track, where the operators felt that go-karts weren’t made for ramming one another, which they obviously were (according to Rick). However, there were moments where even the perceived punishment was simply too much to imagine. One of our favourite past-times was to throw water-bombs and local Egyptian firecrackers off the balcony (the fire-crackers were, incidentally, illegal). It was when the police came to the door during one of these sessions that Rick suddenly realised that he could still fit in a cupboard to hide. If it wasn’t for the house keeper convincing the police that there was no one home, who knows what would have happened. The next time that Rick had an encounter with men in uniform some years later, he wasn’t able to hide quite so quickly. Coming through Customs in Kuwait (where Ed and Liz had since returned), his long hair and guitar strung over his back appeared to make him fit the alleged description of the infamous Colombian drug trafficker, Ricardo Mendavies. However, the subsequent strip search soon made the local authorities realise their mistake, and he was released with simply a suggestion that he should get a hair-cut (it should be noted that with this suggestion he didn’t repeat a previous experiment of cutting his own hair...and having to get his mother to ‘tidy-it up’).
Richard’s obsession with fashion and personal appearance began many years ago. And the moment that I personally became aware of it was on the streets of Manchester, when Rick came to visit me. He was approached by some stranger who asked, with all sincerity, whether he was Peter Andre’s body double (and for the non-Brits, Peter Andre was a poor excuse of a singer who became renowned for having surgically implanted false pecs rather than his songs). The obsession with “being really, really, ridiculously good looking” began when he was still in nappies. Each day started with the choosing of an outfit. Matching colours were exceptionally important: The red shorts obviously went with the red clown jumper, and the only acceptable set of pyjamas come night time was the Spiderman suit. This obsession for fashion has subsequently spilled over into the wedding. The time taken to select the ties that we are wearing was, by all accounts, significant, involving many different outlets in London. I recently heard that he’s been inducted into the Guinness Book of World Records as a result. But, by all accounts, what a selection he made. It could be argued that Rick’s fascination with dressing-up has led to his current obsession: Diving. In all honesty, he really just likes the rubber he has the chance to wear, and it not at all bothered about the wonders the lie under the waves.
Whether intentional or not, it is with diving that some of Rick’s true qualities come to light, which have been evident for some time. While at school in England, Rick was motivated by participation and involvement to a greater degree than the need for competition. He captained his schools 3rd fifteen rugby team, in addition to being a House Captain. His ability to interact with people in a positive manner is inspirational and he has frequently commented that as a diving instructor he has managed to persuade people to try diving for the first time. This has included Grandparents who have just come out to accompany the youngsters, and also non-swimmers.
It is Rick’s diving adventures that have led us to where we are now. Rick and Kris met in Fiji at a little known piece of paradise called Nananu Island. Rick was allegedly working, and Kris was an adventurous backpacker who along with some friends thought she’d try her hand at an intro-dive. Rick, of course, spent a few hours deciding what wet suit he should wear prior to the intro-dive, and took extra special care in preparing his hair (which was purposely sun-bleached). After the intro-dive, it appeared as if all the effort was in vain: Rick went a little too deep too quickly, causing Kris’s ears to hurt – this was due to the diving technique, rather than Rick’s scintillating conversation. Consequently Kris didn’t do the open-water course with Rick and soon went on her merry way, continuing with her back-packing adventures to Australia and New Zealand. She correctly told her parents that she was heading to the Australian Outback. However, while en route, she was given the wrong directions, and surprisingly ended up back in Fiji. And from here, their relationship bloomed. The next few months saw them apart, catching up at various world famous holiday destinations around the world, including Thailand and Michigan. This was finally put to a stop when Kris returned to Fiji.
It was back at Nananu that Rick proposed to Kris. Surprisingly, it was not underwater, but on land (still within sight of two of Rick’s favourite dive sites). However, Rick did manage to procure a bottle of champagne to mark the moment, yet again showing resourcefulness, but more importantly how determined he was to get the right response. Together Richard and Kristin do make a fantastic couple. Their ability to accommodate change is noteworthy, as shown by their neo-nomadic lifestyle to date. Their organisational abilities are second to none, as evident by the planning that must have gone into today (remind me Rick, what bit did you organise again?) On a serious note, their partnership is something to marvel at – you can really sense how much they are made for one another.
The fact that there are so many of us here, including a number that have travelled a significant distance, demonstrates the high regard that we all have for them.
Before I propose a toast, I would like to leave Rick (and Kris) with some pearls of wisdom that were passed down to me by members of my extended family. If you live by these few words, untold bliss will fall you way. So, always remember the following Rick: ‘happy wife, happy life’.
Lastly ladies and gentlemen, please charge your glasses, and stand for a toast to Richard and Kristin....which I will be attempted first in halting Greek, and then in English.
Ke naste panda ef-ti-he-smeni. Na zisete Richard and Kristin, here’s to a gloriously happy marriage.
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