Allie Kaysen looked at her watch anxiously after securing all of her luggage in the fifteen-passenger van. Tapping her foot impatiently, she pushed her sunglasses back onto the bridge of her nose. The mid-July heat of the sunny Pennsylvania afternoon was making her restless, and she stared expectantly at the intersection several yards beyond the entrance to the church parking lot where they waited.
"Don't worry." Her husband Lane slipped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her on the cheek. "She'll be here." He'd read her mind.
Allie forced a smile and shrugged. "I know. I just wish she would get here already."
Allie's twin sister Angie slammed the back doors of the van shut. "That's about it," she stated. "The van's full, and it's Tranquility or Bust!" She walked up and nudged her sister. "You know she couldn't get here until we were all set to go."
Just then, the sound of an engine roaring closer to the church broke into the ladies' conversation. It was definitely a car speeding up the hill from town. Allie stepped forward, subconsciously perching herself on the balls of her feet.
Angie jabbed her sister in the ribs. "Told ya."
Lane smiled and gave Allie a little squeeze. "You knew she wouldn't let you down," he said reassuringly before going to finish the preparations to leave.
Finally, in a streak of red, a shiny new Mustang cruised around the corner of the intersection and into the parking lot where the group had their cars parked. The car barely even seemed to come to a stop before a trim, fashionable yound woman dressed also in red slid out of the window and rested her arm on top of the car. She pushed her sunglasses back on her head and smiled a dazzling smile. "I'm not too late, am I?"
Allie ran forward and nearly knocked the woman from the car as she threw her arms around her. "I can't believe you, Elaina!" she shouted in excited frustration. "Are you ever going to be on time?"
The woman shook her head and looked at Allie very seriously. "It would take away from my character."
Angie, standing by the van, laughed as her friend Brenda came around to see what was going on. "It wouldn't be Elaina if she wasn't the last one here," she mused as Brenda stopped next to her.
Drawing her composure, Elaina opened the door of the car and stepped out gracefully. Though she was only a year to two older than the others taking the trip, she seemed strangely out of place among them. "I really am sorry about being late, but I couldn't help it," she explained while opening the trunk of her car. "I had to close an important deal."
Allie laughed. "Don't even try to make legitimate excuses. You know you can't be on time to save your life!"
Elaina stripped off the jacket of her designer suit revealing her bare shoulders before pulling a suitcase out of the trunk. "Now you know that's not entirely true." She smoothed the bodice of the red and black tank dress she wore. "There was that one time back in '96. I was the first one there."
"That was your own birthday party!"
"I still had to get there," she protested.
"It was at your house!"
Elaina frowned. "You always have to bring that up, don't you?" Before either could say another word, they were interrupted by a ringing sound. "Oh! Excuse me." Elaina reached into her car and pulled out a small flip phone. Allie just stood and waited.
"Hello?...Oh hi, sweetheart...No, it'll be fine here...Stop worrying so much...Yes, I'll be back in New York in ten days... Of course, I wouldn't miss it... Alex, you know you don't need to worry about me... I know, hon, but it's ok... All right, I'll talk to you soon... Yes, I'll keep the phone with me... Ok... Ok...I'll see you soon... Bye." Elaina rolled her eyes and closed the phone.
"Anything wrong?" Allie asked.
"Only the usual--you know, is the car going to be all right there? Are you going to be in touch? What if something happens?" She nodded toward Lane who'd been watching his wife with care from alongside the van. "You know how they are."
Lane blushed, realizing he'd been spotted, and finally approached the women. He gave Elaina a big hug. "It's good to see you, Elaina."
"You, too, Lane." She squeezed him gently in return. Over his shoulder, she caught a view of everyone and the caravan for the first time. As he pulled away, her eyes glistened. "It's been too long, hasn't it?"
Allie reached for her longtime friend. "Yes, that's for sure."
Trying to avoid getting awash with emotions from years ago, Elaina broke out one of her brilliant smiles. "So what do you say we get this show on the road?"
"I hear that," Allie replied. The three picked up Elaina's bags and headed toward the extra luggage trailer.
"Elaina!" A voice squealed from the doorway of the church.
Elaina turned to see several more of her old friends walking out of the building. They ran over to greet her. The voice was that of Theresa, a tall attractive girl three years younger than Elaina but who had been one of her closest friends when she was in high school. Theresa threw her arms around Elaina. "I can't believe you're here!"
The other two girls with Theresa were her cousin, Jessie, and another friend, Kaysie, who had always been like a little sister to Elaina when they were younger. Elaina took turns hugging each of them. "Oh, come on. Did you really think I would miss this? It's not everyday I get to pretend I'm a teenager again."
The girls began catching up as they loaded into the van. In the process, there were several other reunions to make, but eventually, the group was ready to leave. This trip, a reunion of what had once been the youth group at the church they had all attended while in high school, had been Allie's idea. Invitations had been sent to everyone twenty-one and older to take a group vacation and catch up on each other's lives now that so many of them had moved off and rarely got to see each other. In the end, twenty people responded that they would all meet at the church in Pennsylvania and ride up together, while eight more planned to meet up with the group at Elaina's brother's cabin in New York state. They would spend the next week in the serenity of the Catskills, just like when they were all in junior and senior high school.
Though Elaina was as excited as the others about seeing her old friends, she realized that someone was missing, and her heart began to sink. There was one person she'd been silently hoping to see--longing to see--though she hadn't spoken to him in months. Though Theresa and Elaina were close friends, she couldn't even force herself to ask Theresa if her brother would be there. She was afraid of what things would be like between them if he came, and yet she couldn't bare the though of his not being there either.
Lane, who was driving the large van, turned the ignition. ALlie slid the door shut and jumped into the passenger seat. Another group was in a mini-van behind them, and Angie and her husband Jonathan were driving his truck with the trailer on the back. Before the small caravan could leave, however, they were interrupted by the sound of tires squealing around the corner and into the parking lot. Elaina's heart skipped a beat as she racognized the black Firebird which had skidded to a stop next to her Mustang. A tall attractive man stepped out and grabbed several bags from the back seat of his car. He was dressed in Khakis and a white polo, Oakley sunglasses, and Italian shoes. He set the alarm on the car and hurried toward the van with his luggage.
"What's Jeremy doing here?" Theresa asked in surprise. Apparently, asking her wouldn't have gotten any information anyway.
The man opened the sliding passenger door and smiled, pulling his sunglasses off. "Can I catch a ride?"
"Hey, if you're going to catch this ride, you'd better get in quick," Lane teased.
"How are you, Lane?" He reached over and shook his friend's hand as he climbed into the van. He shoved his bags under the seat and jumped into the empty seat next to Elaina. He slid the door shut again. "Well then, what are we waiting for?"
Lane put the car in gear. Theresa leaned around Elaina. "Jeremy, what are you doing here?" she asked.
"My tour ended early, so I flew in to ride up with everybody else," he explained.
Theresa rolled her eyes. "Oh to have your money." She caught sight of Elaina out of the corner of her eye. She nudged her gently and said quietly, "You know, you need to breathe if you're going to survive this trip."
Elaina consciously forced her breath out. She hadn't even realized she'd been holding it. She drew in a slow breath and blinked several times, trying to remain inconspicuous.
Jeremy turned to her and kissed her on the cheek. "Hello, Elaina."
"Good to see you, Jeremy." Elaina's mouth felt dry, and her voice seemed distant as she said the words. Though everyone in the van was talking, she heard only her heart pounding out of control within her chest. Her body was rigid as Jeremy, chatting happily with Lane, settled into a relaxed position resting his arm mindlessly on the back of the seat behind her.
Had this taken place about a year earlier, she would not have been so apprehensive around him, but that was when everything had changed. Now, her life was different...
Elaina stepped out of the cab and surveyed the beach in front of her. Volleyball nets, banners, and bleachers lined the sand as far as she could see. People were everywhere, but it didn’t take long for her to spot her friend, Angie Christian, sitting on a row of bleachers. Her stomach was tied in knots, but she drew in a deep breath and started to walk toward her friend.
"This seat taken?" she asked the unsuspecting young woman.
"Elaina!" Angie squealed in delight and threw her arms around her friend.
"What are you doing here?"
Elaina shrugged and grinned. "I had some business in town and a little free time, so I thought I'd see if there was any good volleyball on this beach."
"The best!" Angie beamed. Her husband, Jonathan Christian, and Elaina's old friend and ex-flame Jeremy Kohr played professional volleyball all over the world, and Angie never missed a game. "So what's going on with you?"
"Oh, the same old..." Elaina lied. She looked over to where Jeremy was playing and applauded nervously for a point he scored.
"You should come have dinner with us tonight, you know. The guys should be done soon since this is their last game today, so we can go back to the hotel then to dinner and do all of our catching up.”
“Oh, sure!” Elaina felt herself relax a bit. She was so glad that Angie was there to watch her husband play. Having Angie nearby would make things much easier on her.
"And I know Jeremy will want to see you." Angie kept her face pointed toward the court, but behind her sunglasses, she was reading Elaina's eyes.
Elaina hesitated, then said tensely, "Right...of course, and I want to see him." She knew her friend was on to her, but she wasn't about to admit it.
Angie pretended to ignore the pause, but she could see right through Elaina and knew that she was dying to see Jeremy somewhere down inside. “So where are you staying?” Angie inquired.
“The Radisson.”
“What a coincidence! So are we!”
Elaina feigned surprise. “Really?” She couldn’t tell her friend that she had called six hotels asking to leave a message for Jeremy Kohr before she found him at the Radisson.
“Game!” the announcer shouted, interrupting the women. Elaina and Angie looked up to see Jeremy and Jonathan congratulating each other. “Kohr and Christian will move on to round three against Amato and Tasker tomorrow at nine.”
The two women stood up and cheered. Jeremy and Jonathan turned to find Angie and noticed Elaina for the first time.
“Elaina!” Jeremy rushed over and gave her a hug.
As she drew away from him, she brushed off her bear arms. “Gee, thanks for the sweat.”
“I never was one to hold anything back.” Jeremy shrugged. “So what are you doing here?”
Elaina smiled as Jonathan joined the group. “I heard there was a volleyball game in town, so I had to come see if these guys were any good.”
“The best!” Jonathan chimed in and joined Jeremy in a high-five before leaning over to kiss his wife.
“Guess what, you guys. Elaina’s staying in our hotel, and she even found time in her busy schedule to hang out with us tonight,” Angie informed the men.
“That’s impressive,” Jonathan teased. “Are you sure you can pencil us in?”
Elaina punched him gently on the arm. “Anything for you guys.”
The group left the beach together talking and catching up. They were all having a great time until the bomb dropped at dinner.
“So how’s the man?” Angie asked. “Are you still with Alex?”
That was it. The reason Elaina was there. She felt her knees start to shake under the table. “Actually, yes,” she started slowly, trying to chose her words carefully. She decided to hold off on the news until she could talk to Jeremy privately. “Things are really going well.”
Jonathan gave her an inquisitive look. “So when do we get to meet this Alex? You’ve been hiding him for quite a while now.” He leaned forward. “You know we have to approve him at some point.”
Elaina smiled. “Soon, I hope.” She monitored Jeremy’s response out of the corner of her eye as she spoke. He was staring down at his plate. “I really want him to meet all of you.”
Throughout dinner, conversation continued, but no more was said about Alex. Elaina did her best to avoid the subject.
After dinner, Angie and Jonathan decided to go to bed, so they all said good night, and the couples split up. Jeremy turned to Elaina and took her hand. “Want to go for a walk?” His eyes sparkled.
She grinned back at him. “Just like old times?”
“Just like old times.”
She nodded, and he led her out to the beach, her arm linked in his as they walked along the water.
“You know, I was really glad to see you today,” he stated.
She stiffened with surprise which she tried to hide. “Really.”
“Yes.” He patted her hand with his free one. “It’s been a long time.”
“That it has.”
“And I've been thinking,” he paused as if he were searching for words. “I'm really sorry for what happened between us.”
She stole a glance at him without turning her head, just to convince herself he was serious, but she kept silent.
“I've thought about it a lot, Elaina, and we used to be so close.” He looked down at the ground humbly. “We were great friends, and I had no right to treat you the way I did.”
Elaina stopped walking, and Jeremy turned to face her. She felt numb, and her stomach was churning with nerves.
Jeremy looked at Elaina apprehensively. “Say something, Elaina. Please.”
Looking at him reminded her why she was there, and suddenly, she had to confess. “Jeremy, I'm not in town on business.”
Now he was surprised. “What do you mean?”
She drew in a slow breath, unsure if she could go through with this after all, but she knew she had to. She’d come this far already. “I needed to see you, so I flew in from New York this morning.” Though he didn’t respond, she could already feel him pulling away from her. She had to continue before the words went unsaid.
“Jeremy, I told you years ago that I would never stop loving you, even though you told me you didn’t want to be with me.” No feedback. “Well, that hasn’t changed. I still feel the same way I did then.” The silence he left her with was killing her. She wished for him to do or say something, but he remained still. “Jeremy, Alex proposed to me last night.”
His eyes were cold, and his words gave her no indication of what he was feeling. “So why are you here, Elaina?”
“I couldn’t give him an answer until I'd talked to you.”
Jeremy turned and looked out over the ocean. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she feared doing so. She just watched him, fearing the worst.
“Jeremy?”
Jeremy stared at the horizon as he spoke. “What are you going to tell him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you love him?”
She swallowed hard. The dreaded question. She already knew what to say. This question had haunted her sleep for years now. “I could never love anyone the way I love you.” Her voice sounded small and frail.
He turned back to her. “How do you know that, Elaina? You’ve been saying that since we were in high school. We were just kids then! I don’t understand how you can know that.”
She caught his eye and said the only thing she could think of, “I just know.”
Jeremy stared at her for a moment. “Does he know about this?”
Elaina turned away as she answered with a barely audible, “No.”
“Elaina, what are you trying to do? What if he knew you were here? Does he have any idea that he’s not playing with a full deck?”
“Jeremy!” Elaina swung back around to face him and clenched her fists tightly. He had struck a nerve. “Of course I can’t tell him. I'm protecting him. I couldn’t hurt him like that.”
“But you can come here to tell me you still love me while he sits at home in ignorant bliss.” Elaina could sense his anger rising. “Then what?”
Elaina stared at him, the pain showing on her face. “Jeremy, after you made it clear that we had no future, I did have to keep on living. Life doesn’t stop when you get a bad break—even though you may want it to. Yes, it took me a long time to even try to go on, but I finally realized that I couldn’t waste time anymore.” She paused, trying to decide how to make him understand. “What Alex doesn’t know can’t hurt him, so why not let him live in ignorant bliss? Why make him go through life knowing he’s number two when he can believe he’s number one?”
“Elaina, what are you trying to accomplish by coming here?”
She stared at him, her eyes wide. “I just have to know, Jeremy.”
“Know what? If I tell you one thing, you go back and marry into a lie. If I tell you the other, I shatter another man’s life. What am I supposed to say, Elaina?”
For a moment, she looked away. She didn’t know what to say herself, and she could sense his frustration with her growing. He was right, and she knew it, but what could she do about it now?
Jeremy took her by the shoulders and held her in front of him. “What do you want, Elaina?”
She looked at him with a strange vulnerability he had only ever seen in her once... nine years prior. But that was so long ago—-back in high school. That was the past.
“You know you don’t even have to ask that,” she answered. “I could only ever want one thing in this world, and you know damn well what it is.” Tears were building in her eyes, and she blinked hard to keep them back. The intensity of the moment was killing her.
Jeremy turned away from her again. A single tear broke Elaina’s hold and ran down her cheek. She brushed it away angrily, then reached for his hand and squeezed it lightly.
“Jeremy, I'm not asking you to make any commitment to me now. I know we can’t jump into that.”
Jeremy shook his head. “Then what do you want from me, Elaina?”
“Just a word.”
He looked back at her, baffled by the ambiguity she was infamous for. “What are you talking about?”
“I'm talking about a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no,’” she explained. Her eyes were pleading. “Jeremy, if you tell me right now that I should not marry Alex—-that there still may be a chance for us—-I'll tell him no tomorrow. He never has to know about this conversation.”
“And if I can’t?”
Elaina’s face was full of shock as with that one question, she felt him pull away from her. She couldn’t let him do that again. “Jeremy, I don’t know what you’re so afraid of. I've never tried to push you, never asked anything of you, never lied to you. We used to be so close! You said so yourself. Remember how we used to take these walks together? I lived for them back then. And then one night, on one of those walks, we crossed a line, and we couldn’t go back… and the way you held me, I thought it would last forever.”
She searched him for a sign of feeling, but he gave no impression of emotion. “Then you changed. You became someone else. You denied that we had anything. You lied to me. You were cold and bitter—-I was torn and devastated.” She stepped away from him and began walking in a small circle. “So I determined to leave you behind me. I put all of my effort into getting out of our little one-horse town... while you put all of your effort into staying away from me. It didn’t matter, though. Not then. Yes, it tore me apart every time I did see you, but I convinced myself that you were dead. You were no longer the man I fell in love with. I'd lost you, and I didn’t know whether you’d ever return.”
Elaina continued to pace as her nerves got the best of her. “So, I packed my bags and decided to start over. I wrote you one last letter before I left. I told you I'd always love you... that you’d always be first in my heart…” Elaina’s lips began to tremble, and she turned her tear-filled eyes toward the sky. When she saw the bright full moon shining, a grin managed its way to her face.
She looked at Jeremy, who stood listening to it all, unable to speak. “You know, the moon wasn’t out the night you last held me. After you denied everything, I always wanted to blame her for not being there to witness it.”
Elaina's eyes searched him for some sign of what he was feeling. Her breath caught as she felt his touch on her face. Though she stood on a warm Florida beach, she could almost feel the cool mountain breeze that had blown around them years prior.
And then she saw it—the same look she'd seen in his eyes seven years before this night. It was there. Her voice was soft as she said the only thing that she could at that moment, "Oh, Jeremy, you know I'll always love you."
For the first time he could remember, he felt himself opening up. His expression was a mixture of shock, joy, and admiration reflecting what he was feeling inside as he finally understood what she meant. She really did love him, and her heart was more sincere than anyone he had ever known. "Yes, I know you will."
Elaina didn't know how to respond. She had finally broken through his wall somehow, and he was actually showing genuine emotion. Before she could even try to comprehend it, she had pulled him close—or he had pulled her—and their arms entwined each other, closing out the rest of the world once more.
Elaina's face was pressed against Jeremy's shoulder, and tears began to flow as her emotions overwhelmed her. Jeremy squeezed tightly, "Elaina, I'm so sorry."
Elaina shook her head. "Don't apologize," she whispered, "Just don't let go."
Though Elaina couldn't see it, a tear ran down Jeremy's cheek at that moment, and he kissed the top of her head once, then twice, then her forehead, her cheek, and finally, his lips embraced hers as she had desired for so long. The world disappeared, and the night engulfed them as one. Their pulses raced as they held onto each other. She felt secure in his arms—a safety that could be found nowhere else on this earth. She knew she loved him more than she could ever love anyone else. He was the only person meant to be with her, and she had known it from the day she'd met him.
Jeremy pulled her closer, hoping he'd never have to let go. It felt so perfect to have her in his arms again. He'd forgotten all about how it had felt. He'd foolishly blocked it out of his mind, afraid of admitting the truth. But now, he knew…and she knew. How long had he denied them of this feeling? How long had he pushed them apart? He knew it was his fault, but it didn't matter now, did it? They were finally together, and they would have to stay that way. They couldn't deny it any longer.
Except… Jeremy fell into reality. He stiffened as he remembered the man waiting in New York for Elaina to return to him. That man didn't know about him. That man didn't know that his girlfriend and he were standing on a beach in an embrace that had begun years before. That man's world was about to be destroyed.
"What's wrong, Jeremy?" Elaina sensed his sudden change.
Jeremy closed his eyes, so he wouldn't have to see her face as he said it. "You know we can't do this, Elaina."
For the second time in her life, she was awash with a helplessness that overwhelmed her. "You can't do this again, Jeremy. I won't let you." The tears started to flow out of control.
He wouldn't look at her as he spoke. "Elaina, you know this is wrong."
She felt faint. "Wrong? There has never been anything so right for either of us!"
"What about Alex?"
Elaina stood frozen. She was numb all over. He couldn't do this again. He couldn't blame this on her and leave her alone forever. He had shown her the world and then taken it away. No one could live after that. "Jeremy, he's only a boyfriend. All I have to tell him is that I'm not ready for that now. Things don't work out, and life goes on. We can do this, Jeremy. We can finally make it work." He remained rigid. "Please, don't do this again. Don't shut me out." Her voice trembled as she made that final plea. She didn't know if she could go on after this. It was just too much to bear.
Jeremy was turned away from her again. He knew if he saw her eyes, he'd never be able to stand firm, and he just had to. "Elaina, I just can't destroy the life of someone I don't even know."
Elaina wouldn't have felt any worse if she'd just been shot. "So you'd destroy the life of someone you do?"
Toucher, he thought. She had him there. But still, he felt like something was wrong. "Elaina, don't put it like that.
"You put it like that, Jeremy! You did this. And this isn't the first time." She was irate now. "I don’t know why you do this. Can't you just admit what you're feeling?"
He turned around. "And just what am I feeling?"
She couldn't control it anymore. "I don't know! Why don't you tell me? Why don't you tell me if you love me? Why don't you stop pretending I'm not there and listen to your heart? I don't know what's inside of you anymore. There was a time I could read you like a book. Now you keep yourself so bottled that I can't see anything. Why don't you tell me how you feel, so I can at least know what I'm dealing with?" Her helplessness had turned into frantic anger.
Jeremy could see the desperation in her eyes and hear it in her voice. "Because I can't, Elaina."
She stood facing him in disbelief. Her anger subsided again, and she felt a strange calm. "Why, Jeremy? Why do you torture yourself and everyone else around you? Why are you so afraid?"
"Because I love you, Elaina, and I'm afraid of how strong I feel it."
Neither of them could believe he'd just said it. They both stood staring at each other, each an arm's length from the other, but neither moved. Neither could. They were both in shock, but it was Elaina who knew what had to be said.
"Then why do you keep pushing me away, Jeremy? Don't you think that I'm afraid, too? I've been afraid since I was seventeen years old, and I first realized that I was losing you. I've been afraid of never finding another—of being alone my entire life. I've been afraid that I could never know true love's embrace—-that you would never come back. I've been afraid that I could never feel something this strong for anyone ever again and that I'd have to live a lie my entire life. I've been afraid, Jeremy! I've been living in fear for years because you wouldn't admit that you were!"
"Elaina, we need to forget tonight."
"I won't, Jeremy!" Elaina felt the desperation rising within her again. "I don't know how you can do that to yourself, but I won't do it again! I've had enough."
"I'm sorry, Elaina."
"Jeremy, do you love me or not?" she demanded. "You say one thing, but then you act another way entirely. What's going on?"
Her eyes were penetrating, and he had to look away. "I meant what I said, but it has to end there, Elaina. You know it as well as I do—-"
"What are you talking about?!" She grabbed him on the arm and turned him back to her. "Jeremy, this has to end now. Look at me, will you?" His eyes met hers, and she confronted him. "If you're so right about how this has to be, then why can't you even look me in the eye when you're talking to me?"
His eyes darted back and forth restlessly for a moment, and she could see the fear that he felt. She put her hands to his face. "Why can't you let me take care of you for once? Just let yourself feel what you want to feel rather than torturing yourself indefinitely. You know you can trust me not to let go."
He reached up and wiped the tear streak from her cheek with his thumb once more. "You were always right about me. I always did love you. I just didn't know how to say it. Now, I can say it, but it can't be. I'm sorry, Elaina. It's my fault. I just hope you can somehow forgive me." He kissed her cheek softly and started back toward the hotel.
"Jeremy, don't do this," she begged him as he walked away. "Please don't shut me out like this!"
One last time, he turned to look at her. Her strong, proud frame now looked frail and helpless as she called after him. "I really am sorry, Elaina."
With that, he was gone, and again, the whole thing was like one of her dreams. Finally, she couldn't bear it anymore, and she fell to her knees in the sand, the edges of the waves sweeping up and taking away her hot tears as they fell to the ground. With those tears, her whole future was being taken away. She wanted to jump into the salty foam and swim until she couldn't see this place anymore—until she had caught up to the dreams that were being whisked away—but she knew it would never be now. It was finally over. She would go home to Alex and give him the answer he awaited. Jeremy Kohr was a part of her past that would never again resurface...
When Elaina had gotten back to New York, she was thoroughly prepared to go through with her plan, so she told Alex she would marry him, and they set the wedding date for one month after her twenty-sixth birthday. For thirteen months now, Elaina had been happily engaged and had managed to convince herself that that was what she wanted, but now, sitting in this van that seemed to be getting smaller and smaller by the second with Jeremy's arm resting behind her, she realized that she had not put him behind her at all. She had just tried to run from him again. Her mind raced. One month until the wedding. Just one month. Preparations have been made. Invitations were sent. People are coming from all over. Alex even has family flying in from Italy. I love him. I do…But was she in love with him? Could she ever be? Could she ever desire to be held by him the way she longed for Jeremy to squeeze her with that arm at that moment? And was he even phased by her being there? He didn't look the slightest bit uncomfortable. He just sat there talking away. Didn't he care? Didn't what happened on that beach matter to him at all?!
"So let's see the rock, Elaina." Brenda's request startled Elaina out of her whirlwind of thoughts.
"Yeah, show her," Allie prompted. She looked to Brenda. "You won't believe the size of the thing. Maybe I should have gone for the stock broker." She smiled playfully at Lane who stole a glance back at her.
"Yeah, and then I could have taken up with that supermodel who was chasing me," he teased.
"Oh, honey, you know I love you, whether you can afford multiple karats or not." She reached out her hand, and Lane met hers with his in the middle of the van.
"And I love you even if you can't be a supermodel!" Lane jeered back.
Jeremy leaned to Elaina's ear and said quietly, "Gee, I guess not everyone is as messed up as we are."
The voice in Elaina's ear caused her spine to tingle all the was down her back, and at first, she didn't even realize what he'd said.
"Well? Where is it?" Brenda asked again, since Elaina hadn't moved.
Theresa aided by lifting Elaina's hand for Brenda to see from the seat behind. "Oh, she's just being modest," Theresa joked.
Allie laughed. "Elaina, modest? That's a good one." She smiled at Elaina, and the familiar face got her to snap out of her trance. "You may have many good qualities, but modesty was never your strong suit."
Elaina batted her eyelashes back at her friend. "I'm modest," she protested. "I just like to take care of myself."
"You mean spoil yourself," Kiki interjected.
"Hey! How did this trip suddenly turn into the Pick-on-Elaina Vacation Package?" she demanded, giving her best pout. Modest, she was not, but her acting skills and charm were impeccable.
Jeremy turned to her and squeezed her shoulders with the arm whose presence was so prominent in Elaina's mind. "Well, I always told you you were a 'pickable person.'"
"Yeah, and I always told you I hated that," Elaina retorted with a scowl.
Jeremy shrugged and changed the subject, but he left his arm rested around Elaina's shoulders, and Elaina thought she was absolutely going to explode if he didn't move it quickly. He didn't seem to notice at all, while she was more uncomfortable than she had ever been. She wanted nothing more in the world than to slide up next to him and lean into the shoulder of the arm that touched her. She longed to feel the strength of his embrace, the only place she ever truly felt secure. She yearned for the passion of his lips... All the desire in the world built up within her until she finally had to wrap her arms around her sides trying to squelch a pain too deep to reach. Her eyes burned, and she doubled over as she clutched her sides tightly.
"Elaina, are you o.k.?" Jeremy grabbed hold of her.
"Elaina!" Theresa shouted.
"Oh my gosh!" Allie gasped.
"Hold on," Lane directed. "I'll pull over."
Elaina tried to straighten herself, taking a deep breath. "No, no," she protested, "I'm fine."
Theresa took her hand. "You don't look fine. You're pale as a ghost."
"No, really," Elaina rubbed her cheeks to bring back some color. "You know my bad stomach. It was just a spasm. I should probably just lie back for a moment."
Allie looked skeptical, though she knew Elaina's stomach had given her problems for years. "I don't know. Are you sure you're all right?"
"Yes, yes," she answered smiling. "See? I think it passed already."
"Here, Elaina," Kiki aided, handing her a pillow from the back of the van. "Use this."
Jeremy took the pillow and laid it on his lap, pulling Elaina toward him. "Come on. A little rest cant hurt you." She was hesitant. "Oh, Elaina, when are you going to relax?"
When you admit the truth, Elaina thought quickly before Jeremy could continue.
"There are finally no deals to work on and no calls to make. Take advantage of it. You're on vacation," he finished.
"He's right," Theresa chimed in. "It's no wonder you have such stomach problems. You carry around so much stress."
"Ok, ok," Elaina conceded. "Geez, I feel like I just acquired another half-dozen doctors!" Despite her anxiety, she gave in to her friends. No, it wasn't her stomach, but if she could sleep, she may be able to forget the pain—-that is, if she could avoid the dreams...
Elaina couldn't even remember having a good night's sleep in the past thirteen months. During the day, she could work to keep busy, and her all-out dedication to her career lately had helped her to gain one of the best clienteles in all of New York. But at night… The night was a different story because one can't control his thoughts while he sleeps. So many nights, she'd awake with a start after dreaming yet again about Jeremy's rejection. Then the tears would come, so she'd pour herself a cup of tea and watch late night television mindlessly until she fell asleep on the couch, praying her heart would allow her just a couple hours of peace. Rarely would it comply. Sleeping always brought dreams, and the dreams just brought pain.
She couldn't hear the others in the van anymore. They hadn't stopped talking, but Elaina heard only the whirring of the tires against the road harmonizing with the whinny of the engine. Eventually, her mind relinquished its hold on her worn out body, and she began to drift off to sleep, unaware of the hand which stroked her hair tenderly nor the caring eyes that gazed mournfully at her grief-worn body.
No one would ever know it to look at her, he thought, No one would even know it to look at her...
Go on to Chapter 2 of "Elaina"
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