Lords of the Ring...Week #10 TV REPORT!!!!
From the Reunion Arena in Dallas, TX
OK, folks, I'm watching a VCR copy of this...two different shows between three weeks
of each other leads to little free time, so lets get right to it.
Isaac Cross and Dr. Strange in the booth...Isaac announces that Vanessa Stone will no
longer be commentating, as she has chosen to enter the world of being a professional
wrestling manager. Strange comments that he wishes her well...it's not as lucrative
to be a manager as it used to be in his day, but "she's got some nice ass-ets, so she
should do well". Exact words. SHOOT!'s website reported she was the latest in Armand's
purges, and is free to seek employment elsewhere...I guess the parting wasn't amicable.
Cross says Stone's replacement will be at the PPV.
Cross starts talking about the main event, the big showdown between teacher and
student..as Sebastian Sloan defends the TV title against Joshua Collins. That
should be a REALLY hot match. Hot enough for me to wonder why they're giving it
away on free TV...perhaps building to something bigger? Fuego is in need of a
heat-drawing opponent and Collins would certainly fit the bill if done right....but
then, pardon me, he's a face. Yeah, and Britny Spears can drink legally. Three
months...MAX....before Collins is on the side of the devils again.
Unfortunately, yet another interruption comes forth...
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[It's that time of the week again, as "Check" by Zebrahead cuts onto the PA
and Mike Powers steps onto the runway. Once again, the heat from the crowd
has grown louder from last week, and, as he heads to the ring, Powers nods
his head in approval...this is just what he wants.]
[Powers]
So, another week has come and gone and NOTHING! Every night I came back to
my pad, glowing after being serviced by another of your wives, I check my
machine and nothing but your sister begging for another personal
revolution. Every morning I have my driver take me to the EWC offices to
check the match board, and NOTHING!!! One week, seven days, one hundred
and sixty-eight hours have come and gone and the EWC STILL hasn't found
anyone willing to sign a contract and step into the ring with me. Maybe
the other wrestlers out there are smarter than I thought, maybe...
[Voice]
*cough, ahem*
(the crowd suddenly erupts as Powers actually stops mid-sentence to look
towards the aisle)
[Ernie Grendel just kinda shows up, staring up at Powers and shaking his head
sadly]
[Ernie]
[with remarkable calm] 'Scuse me, mister... But I have a real simple question
to put to you... Who the hell are you?
[the crowd pops for this little tidbit, and Powers starts to say something -]
[Ernie]
[waving his hand at Powers]
Nononononono - we've all heard YOUR spiel, hotshot. You come out here and
whine and moan and complain... [Ernie does a credible impression of Power's
voice] 'Cut N Shoot this... Cut N Shoot that... wah wah wah why won't those
Cut N Shoot people pay attention to *me*?' [pause. Ernie flips his hair out
of his face and smiles calmly.] All right, Mr. Powers.. you want me and
Wild Bill... why don't we just satisfy your little desire.
[Ernie grins wide... and his eyes get that manic look...]
[Ernie]
Simple enough. Me and Wild Bill have a little difference of opinion as to
who's crazier. Bill says he is, and well, I don't agree. So why don't we
just invite you to join the party? Triple threat rules match - Me, Bill,
and the Mighty Mike Powers... [the crowd goes nuts on this]. The contract's
sitting on Armand's desk. Enjoy.
[Ernie drops the mike and walks away to a loud crowd pop...Powers starts moving
towards the ring, grinning from ear to ear]
[Powers]
Well I'll be damned, someone forgot to lock up the lunatics today. Well
that's too bad for you. We've already acccepted that neither you or your
deformed friend can beat me alone, maybe the two of you together can
actually give me a match. You want a triple threat match??? You want a
piece of the BIGGEST TALENT EVER!?! Well you two have GOT--
[voice]
What YOU got, punk, are grapefruits the size of church bells.
[The crowd, recognizing the voice, erupts as Lenny Kravitz's "American Woman"
blasts through the arena, and Tara Jansen walks through the entryway wearing
tight black shorts and a Dallas Stars hockey jersey tied at the waist so
her midriff is showing. She's looking hot and the men let her know it.
Powers just stares at her with this "I can't believe I've been interrupted
AGAIN" look]
[Jansen]
First of all, sorry you're not getting me in my business best...but hey, it's
Casual Friday here in the EWC, and I'm HOTTER THAN HELL right now!!!
*CROWD POP*
Now, Mr. Powers, I saw Ernie's contract...and while I'm all for letting the talent
duke it out.....you're not gonna get that satisfaction that quickly!
UH UH!!!! You see, you've been out here cryin' the blues about how no one for
real will wrestle you, calling everyone out, running your mouth...and the
plain fact of the matter is.....everyone's too busy to notice little old you.
Curtis has a title defense, Grendel has a title match. And you REFUSED a
match against Bean Martinez for this week....because he "wasn't in your class".
Mike Powers, you are, right now, a nothing in the EWC. A rookie. A scrub.
And like the song says, I don't want no scrubs!!!!!
*crowd pop, Powers is getting angrier by the minute*
HOWEVER, I *am* a big believer in giving fresh talent the opportunity to
showcase itself and prove itself. So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm not just
gonna throw you into a possible Light Heavyweight title match without seeing
what you got first. THEREFORE, I've got a MAJOR STAR signed just this week,
and he wants to debut at Hot Summer Night. I told him all the big guns were
spoken for...but there was this little squirt gun that was shooting off
that he wanted anyone, anytime, anywhere.
Here's the deal. You sign for the match...sight unseen. You come out here,
and you beat whoever I put in front of you. The winner of that match will
be involved in a Triple Threat match for the Light Heavyweight title. Guaranteed.
But you gotta beat him CLEAN in the ring...no DQ's, no countouts.
IF either side gets DQ'ed or CO's, the deal is off.
That's the deal, Mikey...take it or leave it. Oh, and if you ever barge onto
TV time again without the OK from our production staff, I *WILL* make your
life a living hell. Bet on it.
*smiles* I'll see your monkey *bleep* on Sunday. So let it be written...so let
it be signed!!!
["American Woman" kicks back in as Jansen leaves a somewhat stunned Powers
standing on the rampway]
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Commericals, then
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MATCH #1: Frozen Hell vs. The Pendragons
[The Pendragons were ringside taking off their "armor" and playing to
the fans when "Fire on High" began to play and "Bad" Brad Watkins,
"Icebreaker" Torvald Reikkersen, Frieda and The Swedish Blond of the Week
stepped into the aisle. They were rewarded with the usual boos. Also as
usual, they didn't seem to care. They waved to the fans, tossed out
Frozen Hell trading cards, and made their leisurely way to the ring, where
they called for microphones. Reikkersen addressed the Pendragons.]
[ICE]
Haven't you guys heard? Costume dramas are OUT! Action adventure
is IN! Lose the swords and the armor and we might find a place
for you in Frozen Hell V: The Spies Who Went Out In the Cold.
For now, though, you guess just take a load off for a
few minutes, while we talk about some other things that are OUT.
[BRAD]
Excalibur was good, in its day...but that was what, nearly
twenty years ago? See, people today like heroes who are bigger than life. And
Frozen Hell always gives the people what they want, which is why Torvald
and myself are international stars. Let's face it, the only green you
and all the other teams in EWC will ever see is the look of envy every time
you look in the mirror. Although, I do have to give you credit. While costume
dramas are passe, at least they have an audience, miniscule as it is. But a
*major* joke in every studio on the planet is the western. Westerns don't make
money, don't entertain, and can only get made if they star some washed up
old man like Eastwood or throw in a rapper and cheesy special effects.
What does that mean? That means you, Siouxnami, are out-of-date
relics who only continue to function because the directors in the corporate
offices won't let Torvald and me send you to the Happy Hunting Ground.
[ICE]
Brad is right, as usual. And when we finally do get a chance to send you on your
way, it's in a Four Way Dance? Now Frieda, what happened last month?
[FRIEDA]
You and Brad beat 2 Cool Dudes like a cheap drumkit.
[ICE]
Right. And that match was to decide what, sweetheart?
[SBotW]
Who was the number 1 Tag Team Contender.
[ICE]
Also right. So we won, and that means what?
[FRIEDA]
Frozen Hell are the #1 Contenders!
[ICE]
Damn straight! So what in the Frozen Hell is going on with
a Four Way match for the title? We deserve a title shot,
and we even jumped through some of the hoops the back office
wanted to prove it.
So why did we bother to beat 2 Cool Dudes? Brad and I
had to rearrange our busy schedules to make that match, and
for what? So that two other teams can ride on our coattails
to a tag team title match?
Let's face up to some facts here.
#1) I am the Fury of the Norseman!
#2) We are the hottest and coolest thing going in EWC.
#3) I am the man, and the IeWS Titleholder no
matter how much the back office wants to jerk me around.
#4) Brad has been miscast with every grip, stagehand, and extra
that can swing a chair, instead of the so-called talent
around here befitting a multi-level superstar.
#5) Frozen Hell is carrying EWC tag team wrestling, and
I do mean "wrestling", on its back, while second raters
with "hardcore" ideas run around hitting people with baseball
bats while telling you that it's legitimate wrestling.
And #6) We're getting damn tired of it!
Wooo!
[BRAD]
Do you hear that EWC?! You're real close to losing the hottest
franchise ever on celluloid. If you think you can make it on a couple
of Animal House frauds, indians, and other bad movie genres then fine,
there are plenty of places out there who will appreciate the millions we
generate in merchandise sales. Don't ever forget, money is always *IN* and so is
Frozen Hell!
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Frozen Hell then entered the ring. Reikkersen started against
Justin Sinclair and promptly locked up, gouged his eyes and took him
down hard with a Swedish Leg Sweep. He stomped on the knee a few
times, then tagged in Bad Brad Watins.
Bad Brad should have been called Bad Mood Brad as he grabbed the
stomped leg and slung Sinclair out to the center of the ring and gave a few
hard kicks to the knee before leaping down with a knee to the upper thigh
that may have hit a bit too solidly as Sinclair folded up like an acordion
howling in pain. Watkins sneered and picked him up by the hair to toss him
into the Pendragons corner. The tag was made and Nick Hawk vaulted in "on
fire" throwing rights and lefts to the cheers of the crowd, but Watkins
no-sold them and powerslammed Hawk like a sack of potatoes.
Watkins pulled Hawk to his feet by the throat and whipped him into the
Frozen Hell corner where Reikkersen pinned him by the trunks out of sight
of the referee. A running start saw Watkins bury a hard shoulder to the
midsection and Hawk was gasping for breath. After a couple of more
shoulderblocks, Watkins tagged in Reikkersen and slapped Hawk across the
side of the head that echoed throughout the arena and had the referee
scrambling.
Reikkersen climbed into the ring and raked Hawk's face, then
put a boot into his gut and took HIM down with a Swedish Leg Sweep.
he flopped Hawk onto his belly and hooked on a "Norwegian" Crab.
Brad grabbed Hawk's head and placed it over the bottom rope so that he
was begin choked as Reikkersen applied pressure on the crab.
Sinclair came in for the save and for a moment it looked
like the tide might turn, then Watkins came in as well, chased
Sinclair back into the corner and began driving his kneepad (you
know which one)repeatedly into Sinclair's gut. When Sinclair slumped to a
seated position, Watkins continued to knee him him in the face until the
referree came over to break it up and chase both men out of the ring
(although Sinclair was barely conscious).
Reikkersen, freed from the tiresome scrutiny of the referree,
looped an arm around Hawk's throat and continued the process of choking
the smaller man out. When the ref returned, Reikkersen dropped the
choke and delivered an Icebreaker swinging neckbreaker. He stood
and repeated the move. Dropping to the mat, he locked on the Figure-Fjord.
Hawk couldn't raise his shoulders and was pinned almost immediately.
Frozen Hell departed the ring quickly and with poor grace.
##########################################
# WINNERS: Frozen Hell, via pinfall 3:22 #
##########################################
Cut to a shot of Ernie Grendel backstage, doing some taping...Grendel/Monroe
is on this card as well.
Commerical, then:
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(The crowd popped loud and long as "Dr. Feelgood" by Motley Crue came on
and the man known to fans as Dr. Hardcore came down to the ring...carrying
Bertha but also sporting a slight limp. He rolls into the ring, twirls
the bat around for good measure, and then takes a house mike.)
[Feelgood]
You all know I'm not much for talking, so I'm gonna keep this brief.
Well, I proved a point. I beat that Tszkova into Russian dressing, and flushed him
like the big pile of crapola he is, so that's that. (Pause) Now, the reason I'm out
here is because... well, I don't think I've ever done this after getting into the
finals of a tournament that's right up my alley, but... I'm dropping out of the
tournament.
Say WHAT?
You heard me, folks. Tszkova nearly tore my kneecap in about
three different places, and it hurts like all hell. So.. I quit. I've got
to be able to walk, people. This isn't something that hasn't been coming
for a long time. I've been thinking about quitting for some time now. I
already talked to the suits and the boys in the back about this, and it's
time for me to move on while I still can. (Mixture of disbelief from the
crowd and applause) Now, note that I didn't say I was *retiring*. Uh uh.
Nope. I've got one last piece of unfinished business to take care of, one
that's been nagging at me for the past six years, and I need to go where I
can finish it... and then I will retire. No ifs, ands, or buts... I've got
one last piece of business to take care of, and then I'm done. This isn't
any Terry Funk First Annual Retirement Tour, God bless him. This is Doctor
Feelgood wanting to get it on one.. last.. time.. with....well, you'll all know
who it's with soon enough....
Now I hear tell that "Philosopher Boy" wants a match with me on
his grounds, since I pounded hell out of him in mine. (Crowd boos) Hey,
folks, hey.. it's only fair. (Wicked grin) Besides, I've done so much
hardcore people tend to forget I can actually wrestle.
This is true.
Now I'm not going to pretend I'm on Tszkova's level as far as
that goes, but he gave me a hell of a fight in that match, so I intend to
give him one in the match he wants - submission style. You want a fight,
"Philosopher Boy"? You got one. And this one's for all of you...a going away
present that's gonna make you feel goooooooood!!!!
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Cross can't believe that Feelgood just up and resigned from the tournament..
while Strange does understand the reasoning. So also on tap tonight
is Feelgood vs. Tzskova in a submission match....and now the Cut 'n Shoot
finals are between "Crazy" Jay Gillette and Grant Harrison...speaking of
which...
MATCH #2: Grant Harrison vs. Bean Martinez.
Harrison comes down to "Take it Like a Man" by the Offspring, still spouting
off to anyone who would listen about how "extreme wrestling" is part of the
downfall of the sport. Martinez stood in the ring waiting for him.
As Harrison turned to jaw at a fan, Martinez nailed him from behing with a
sliding dropkick, sending Harrison into the steel barrier. Martinez
then got back up and slingshotted himself over the ropes into a cross
body to the outside that flattened Harrison to a loud crowd pop.
Martinez took his sweet time and played to the crowd as Harrison got
back to his feet. As soon as Harrison got to his feet Martinez took
to the air with a springboard plancha press ... which Harrison managed
to convert into a stun gun onto the steel guardrail, to a huge crowd
reaction. Martinez was clutching his neck but not moving after that
high impact move. Harrison then pulled Martinez to his feet and threw
him face first into the ringside steps, Harrison then picked up the
steps and threw them to the side. He then threw Bean over his
shoulder and rammed him hard into the ringpost, this is where things
got odd. Harrison wrapped Bean's legs around the lower turnbuckle so
he was hanging upsidedown right in front of the ringpost. Harrison
then grabbed Beans head, brought him to chest level and threw him
down, so that Bean smacked the back of his head hard on the ringpost.
Harrison did this a few more times to the horror of most of the crowd.
A well placed boot to the midsection caused Bean to fall on his head
on the outside. Harrison then threw Bean back into the ring and slid
in after him.
Harrison picked Bean up and sent him to the ropes for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker...
it was at this time that "Crazy" Jay Gillette started
walking out towards the ring. Harrison started setting up for the Grant's
Tomb...but then dropped him as Gillette started jawing with him at the
ring. Grant invited him to step inside..and got rolled up by Martinez
from behind for a surprise 3 count!!!!!!
#########################################
# WINNER: Bean Martinez by pinfall 4:12 #
# (Harrison -6 pts) #
#########################################
Gillette started laughing his ass off as a VERY irate Harrison grabbed
Martinez from behind and DDT'ed him...this drew Gillette in the ring and
the two started brawling on the outside, bringing a chair into play. THis
went for about two minutes before they brawled their way to the back.
They cut to a shot of Sebastian Sloan in a dark room, praying.....