[Mack Daddy and El Hijo del Hurley are finishing their match preparations in the
]locker room.]
[Mack Daddy]
A lot of y'all are probably wonderin why we've been chillin' since our
return to the EWC, not sayin' a whole lot. Well, cuz here *pointing
to El Hijo* has been a bit busy with the ladies ... me, I've had stuff
on my mind. See, when we came back, this was all supposed to
be about fun, that's all ... then Siouxnami showed their ugly faces
again. Boys, I remember y'all from back in the EWF and the
barbed wire .. I didn't like you then, I like you less now.
Wave Runner, Death Kiddies or whatever y'all call yourselves ... no
offense, but y'all aren't exactly our focus. Siouxnami, y'all wanna
get in our business again, that's fine. Y'all are like a reoccuring
nightmare or somethin ... but when this is all over, we'll see who's
haunting who.
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("Winona's Big Brown Beaver" by Primus kicks in, and the crowd does a decent pop)
Folks, we are back, still no word yet from the hospital regarding the
condition of T.R. Parker, we will bring you word as soon as we hear it, but right
now, it's time for four teams to vie for the right to face the Weapons at
Snowbrawl, Jack.
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@| __|\ \ / // __| Los Hurleys @
@| _| \ \/\/ /| (__ @
@|___| \_/\_/ \___| (Mack Daddy and El Hijo) @
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An' strap yerselves in, folks. This is gonna be a good ol'-fashioned
Texas barroom brawl! If yew think this match is a-gonna stay a civilized Four
Corners match fer long, I'd like ta know what yew've been drinkin'...an' tell
me so I can git some, too!
The Hurleys are certainly no strangers to tag team gold, having
been former EWF World Tag Team champions, but a lot of people are saying
the Hurleys have been gone too long, they're just not able to be competitive
at their size...and El Hijo de Hurley has motioned for the music to be cut off..
what the?
That Mexican dog ain't gonna talk, is he?
(Suddenly, a spotlight hits the center of the ring as El Hijo pulls a comely young
lass from ringside and the opening chords of "I Need to Know" by Marc Anthony come on)
OK, I see, El Hijo taking the time to play Don Juan with a local
lady, as Mack Daddy just throws his hands up in the air. Oh my, look
at that grind...
That ain't no grind, boy. That's the burrito platter he had fer lunch
givin' 'im gas! Git that yeller dog some Rolaids...or some Mexican tap water.
That'll clear it out just as quick.
*laughs* And look, another woman just ran from ringside and jumped
all over El Hijo!! What's this about Mexicans making better lovers?
Now that's the biggest buncha bull I ever heard! Them Mexican dogs
ain't no better lovers. Just that all them illegal, uneducated, border-
jumpin' Mexican women ain't nuthin' but a buncha baby-makin' machines! That's
all they know how ta do - git knocked up, give birth, an' go on welfare!
This is just too much, the ladies now outside the ring fighting over
El Hijo, and El Hijo is refereeing!!!! But finally EWC officials come
out to stop it, and get an earful from El Hijo as a result.
This is...interesting to say the least...
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("When Worlds Collide" by Powerman 5000 plays as the arena goes dark, only this time two
multicolor-flashing underspots come on on the main stage. Zach and Dan come out and stand
for a few seconds before walking towards the ring, and this time, the boos are palpable)
And here come the Children of Apocalypse, they've already had quite the
busy night, laying out both Ty Kross and T.R. Parker, and Parker wasn't even
a personal issue, they were getting paid by Derek King, who apparently is now
an EWC employee!
An' all them takeouts was just a warm-up fer this here match. These boys
have been on an absolute tear the past few weeks, an' yew gotta believe they're
they hands-on fav'rites ta win this here match.
Zach and Dan now in the ring, no personal issues yet between the
C of A and the Hurleys, but certainly no love lost here either.
("More Human than Human" by White Zombie plays, and Siouxnami barrels down the rampway)
Here comes team #3, and Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull wasting NO
time, as they hit the ring, and they're fist to fist with the Hurleys!!!!
An' yew talk about issues, ever since that li'l scrap durin' Hardcore
Homecomin', them Hurleys an' Injuns been at each other's throats! An' it's
a-comin' to a head right now!
Mack Daddy and El Hijo have Siouxnami backed to the ropes...but here
comes Zach and Dan, and it's now four on two!!!!
///-----\\\
| PA System | "Ha, hahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa WIPEOUT!!"
\\\-----///
("Wipeout" by the Surfaris comes onto the PA)
BUT NOT FOR LONG, as the Wave Runners just hit the scene!!!! They
just got those body boards and they NAILED Zach and Dan with them!!!! And now
they get a double shot on Sitting Bull, and Bull is staggered...right into a
huracanrana by El Hijo that dumps him out of the ring!!!
Them surf-punks an' Hurley hicks bein' buddy-buddy right now, but yew
better believe tain't gonna last long. Ever-body wants that thar World Tag
Title shot, an' yew know any friendships gonna git thrown out the window.
Gerald Riley, the senior referee in the EWC, is finally getting order
restored and has told Greg and Mark to surrender the bodyboards to the ring
attendants.
Now why he doin' that? I ain't got nuthin' 'gainst a good use of
furreign objects, an' when it's as good as a 6-on-2 in thar, yew need ev'ry
bit of help yew can git!
We've got it going right now with Crazy Horse and Mack Daddy
in the ring! Mack with a hard right on the much larger Horse, and
a kick to the gut, followed by a hard dropkick that sends Crazy Horse staggering
backwards!
Mack Daddy ain't the lightweight of the fam'ly, but showin' some good
spring in his step with that thar drop kick.
MD with a springboard off the ropes, and he brings the big injun down
with a rolling headscissors, and a tag to El Hijo, who comes in with a senton
splash, and is up for a quick gyration for all the "senoritas" in the audience.
Git that Mexican freak to an institution. The boy's got an IQ 'bout
room temper-ture.
El Hijo now scrambling in with a hammerlock, but Horse just fires
a back elbow to his face, and now turns around and irish whips El Hijo into
the ropes, El Hijo ducks a clothesline, and knees him right into the back,
and Horse falls into enemy territory, El Hijo with a tag, and now Mack Daddy
going to the top as El Hijo sets up for what looks like a German Suplex...
He'll never git 'im over. That thar injun weighs twice as much as he
does.
Mack Daddy springboards off the ropes...and oh my, he falls into a split
in front of Crazy Horse and low blows him! And Hijo gets near 300 pounds of Crazy
Horse over into a German Suplex!!!
All that flip-floppin' fer just a low blow??? Whatever happened to a good
ol'-fashioned kick?
Mack Daddy off the ropes, and handsprings right into a clothesline, and
both men go sailing over the top. So far, this match has mostly been Hurleys..
OOOH, but a running boot kick from Sitting Bull sends the Tie Dyed Hoodie flying
away from his partner...but Wave Runner Greg over there, HURACANRANA ON THE
CONCRETE!
Dang, did yew see that fat injun's head bounce off'n the floor? That thar
flip-thang coulda knocked him out...an' lookout! Here comes another one!
ZACH OUT OF NOWHERE, RUNNING THE RAILS INTO A FLYING PLANCHA DIVE, AND
ALL FOUR TEAMS HAVE A MAN DOWN ON THE OUTSIDE!!!! Folks, remember, one pinfall
wins this, so look for all four teams to be trying to prevent that from happening.
Mack Daddy back up now, and he rolls Crazy Horse into the ring.
An' that thar Zach-child came outta that train wreck with the least amount
of damage. Ever-one else took a purty good hit on th'outside.
Some fast right hands by Mack Daddy, and now he sends Horse into the ropes,
REVERSAL BY CRAZY HORSE, and CH backdrops Mack Dad...he landed on his feet, and a
quick tag to Wave Runner Mark, and Mark springboards into a dropkick that sends
Horse flying!!!
Is my eyes deceivin' me, or was that just a clean, friendly tag? Yew
cain't git away bein' friendly in this kinda match! Not when it's evev-one fer
himself!
Mark now with an elbowsmash, but CH apparently has had enough of this,
fires a boot on the low side of the stomach...and effortless lifts Mark up into
a PUNISHING facedown powerbomb, known as the Dominator in certain circles...
but he's in reach of Dan Rierson, who decides to slap him on the shoulder and tag
in!!! Crazy Horse is NOT happy about it, but Riley is forcing him out!
Now *thar's* the kinda tags I be 'spectin' ta see! Yew cain't be givin'
away yer momentum or yer opper-tunities like them Hurleys just did. Yew gotta
per-tect yerself, an' take 'vantage of yer opponent's mistakes. The fat injun
weren't lookin' whar he was, an' now it's someone else's turn.
Dan firing right hands into the head of Mark, and now a stiff forearm
backs the Wave Runner into the ropes. Dan sends Mark for the ride, waitaminute,
I think Greg tagged on the rebound..leapfrog by Dan..and this time on the rebound
Mark slides under...TOP ROPE BULLDOG BY GREG!!! *GREAT* teamwork on the part of
the Wave Runners!!!
Well, if thar *was* a tag, I shure didn't see it! I dunno whut that thar
referee was lookin' at, but ol' blondie shouldn't be in the ring!
Greg now jumps off the ropes over the fallen Dan, and jumps down into
a DOUBLE STOMP RIGHT INTO THE GUT!!!! THAT's gonna make you reconsider your lunch!
I've used that move many times myself. It's another one of them simple
li'l thangs that works like a charm, but blondie is too skinny an' scrawny ta
make it dew a lotta damage.
Quick tag back to Mark, this is where the Runners excel - quick strikes,
quicker tags. And they each grab a leg and roll forward into a double hamstring
stretch..AND USE THE MOMENTUM TO CRASH INTO ZACH RIERSON ON THE APRON!! AND ZACH
TUMBLES FROM THE RING APRON!!!
An' just like the Hurleys an' Injuns, these two teams got a long-standin'
feud goin' on. An' the beatdown the surf-boys got at Homecomin' didn't help
matters none. They're gittin' a li'l bit of payback tonight.
The double teamwork by the Runners is in rare form tonight, both men
grab onto the larger Dan - double snap suplex! And Mark covers...one...two..
two count only, first pin attempt of the night. Mark sets him up in the
Runners' corner and tags Greg...he goes halfway in, yells "SURF'S UP"...BRONCO
BUSTER ON DAN!!!! *CROWD POP*
Now this is just plain hew-miliation by the surf-boys...an' why the
hairy heck they call that move a "Bronco Buster" anyway? I've busted more
broncos in my life than his girlfriend's busted fingernails! If he ever tried
bustin' a bronco fer real, he'd be eatin' dirt an' scramblin' ta 'void bein'
trampled!
Tag to Mark, this could end it here...Mark on the top rope while Greg
executes a backbreaker...."BEACH BLAST" FLYING LEGDROP!!!! Cover, count of one,
COUNT OF TWO...and Sitting Bull breaks the pin up!!! The Runners could have
had it RIGHT THERE!!!
An' thar be the magic words - "could have"! Ain't nobody gonna just stand
thar an' let someone else git the title shot they want.
Mark sends Dan for the ride...reversal...BIG Spinebuster by Dan!!!
And this time it's Sitting Bull who slaptags himself in...and did you see
Dan glare at Sitting Bull?!? No love lost there either!!!
I said it before an' I'll say it 'gain - yew gotta take advantate of ev'ry
li'l opening yew git. This time Danny-boy got too close ta the wrong corner, an'
now *he's* bein' forced ta wait on the outside.
Bull puts a clawhold on Mark...and LIFTS HIM UP!!!! HEADCLAW SLAM!!!
And right here is where the size advantage of Siouxnami is so crucial, these
punishing impact moves!!!
Surf boys usin' their speed early on ta git the fat injuns off balance,
but yew cain't run around the ring when yer flat on yer back like he is now.
Picks Mark up....gutwrench powerbomb, and we've got a cover..one...two..
two count only, and Bull now tagging in Crazy Horse, and this time it's Siouxnami
keeping Mark tucked in their corner, good strategy from the members of Asylum.
They saw how well it worked for them thar surf-boys, an' now they try it
themselves. An' don't fergit, them injuns was tag champs, too. In fact, th'only
team in thar that ain't had cham-peen-ship gold is them 'Pocalypse boys.
Crazy Horse with a double cross chop right to the throat of Wave Runner
Mark...and Mark falls backwards right into Zach, who's tagged in!!!! Horse
charges, Zach ducks a lariat, and NAILS a spinwheel kick that staggers Crazy
Horse!!
I don't thank that's who he wanted ta tag in, but he's in thar now, an'
Mark-boy better git the rest while he can.
Zach with a dropkick, but Horse still won't go down...and Dan Rierson
grabs his legs from the outside, sending him down face first...ZACH WITH AN
ASAI MOONSAULT LEGDROP ACROSS THE BACK OF CRAZY HORSE!!!
Man, we're seein' teamwork comin' from all over the dang place. Yew gotta
wonder, though, how long the match is gonna stay within tag team rules. All it's
a-gonna take is one punch or one shove, an' it'll all break down.
Horse taking a swing at Dan, but Zach on the top rope again...LEGDROP
TO THE OUTSIDE, and that almost decapitated Crazy Horse!!! He's just dangling
there right now, and Zach back in and tags to Dan..
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...and look who we have coming up the way - it's Nick Duncan and Death
Machine Crimson, and they've got lawnchairs!?!?!
Injun almost gettin' a scalpin' from that thar flyin' leg drop, but now
we got ourselves come comp'ny a-clmin', an' I don't thank anyone baked a cake!
They're setting up at ringside, they may be here to scout, but I
really doubt that's all they're here for! Meanwhile, back in the ring,
Dan lifts CH for a suplex..and drops him right across the top rope!!!!
Dan goes back...running Yakuza kick and Crazy Horse spills onto the
concrete!
I don't thank they're here ta scout no one, boy. Yew gotta remember
that Duncan an' Big Red formed a li'l alliance with them 'Pocalypse boys
after Hardcore Homecomin'. I'm a-thankin' they got a couple aces in the hole.
Horse is getting to his feet....MACK DADDY HURLEY OUT OF *NOWHERE*
WITH A CORKSCREW PLANCHA TO THE OUTSIDE!!!!! HE JUST *LEVELED* Crazy Horse.
Sitting Bull is over there like a shot, but he's blocked by El Hijo -
and Sitting Bull WITH ONE HAND grabs El Hijo and shoves him backfirst into th
entryway!
An' that Mexican dog landed right in front of them Ground Zee-ro boys!
Don't just sit thar, boys! Kick 'im when he's down! He's a Mexican! He
deserves it!
Meanwhile, Zach throws Crazy Horse back in as Mack Daddy goes over to
help El Hijo...Dan's got Crazy Horse up - Michinoku Driver II!!!! That
*whump* should do it for Crazy *whump* Horse - but he gets that shoulder up!
He's got that shoulder up!!!!
Gol-DANG! That's over three hunderd pounds he picked up and slammed
down in I dunno *WHAT* the heck that move was, but that injun just 'bout got
his head jammed halfway down his spine! He got that shoulder up outta pure
instinct!
Sitting Bull has Mack Daddy between his legs, he's going for a piledriver..
*CRACK* EL HIJO RIGHT ACROSS THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR!!! Folks, action going on
in all directions here...FULL REDEMPTION!!!! THEY HIT FULL REDEMPTION ON
CRAZY HORSE IN THE RING!!! Count of one...COUNT OF TWO...and Mark breaks
the count up, and Dan takes a second to toss him over the top rope!!!
An' just as I thought, it's all breakin' down now! Them 'Pocalypse boys
fightin' with the surfers, th'injuns fightin' with th'Pocalypse boys, them
Hurleys fightin' with th'injuns, an' yew just *know* them Ground Zee-ro boys
are just waitin' ta smack somebody, too!
Meanwhile on the outside, El Hijo has Sitting Bull in position for a
Rude Awakening....MACK DADDY ASAI MOONSAULT TO SPIKE IT!!!! AND SITTING BULL IS
DOWN ON THE OUTSIDE!!!!!
That's a li'l combo first pop-yew-lerized by the Texas Hangmen, but them
thar Hurleys just took it to th'extreme! I don't thank that injun is a-gettin'
up from that one!
Zach on the top rope, apparently made a tag, moonsault...CRAZY HORSE
CAUGHT HIM IN MIDAIR....GREG SLAP TAG FROM BEHIND, and MARK DROPKICKS BOTH
MEN OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!!! This place looks like an outtake from "Saving Private
Ryan"!
Yew got that right, boy. I ain't seen this much carnage since back in
Saigon! Only one man standin' in the ring right now, an' that's surf-boy
blondie! An' he's yellin' at Zach-boy ta git back in the ring an' fight.
Zach is the legal man at the moment, and now he folls back in the ring,
as Crazy Horse just now noticing his partner is in trouble and is heading over to
help. Zach and Greg trading blows in the ring as Mark gets back up on the ring
apron, and Zach misses a haymaker and Greg dropkicks him back into the corner.
Greg charges in with a HANDSPRING SPLASH, and Zach is dazed!
Stunned him, maybe, but that li'l runt ain't got the weight behind him
ta really dew much damage. Now if that were me in thar, one good Bull Charge,
an' it'd be lights out!
Horse is outside now with a chair, and he's laying into both El Hijo
and Mack Daddy with chair shots...no, Mack Daddy rolled away, and the chair
rebounded into CH's face...and MACK DADDY WITH A VAN DAMINATOR! In the ring, the
Runners just nailed a Face Sandwich stereo spinning heel kicks on Zach...and Dan
grabs Greg from behind and just YANKS him over the top rope!!
An' Danny-boy should be dang thankful the referee be runnin' all over
like a chicken with his head cut off trying ta break ever-thang up! If he'd been
watchin' the legal men like he's supposed ta be doin', he woulda seen that!
The referee doesn't have a prayer of keeping all of this together!
And on top of all of this, Death Machine Crimson seems to have gotten up!!!
Greg nails a Jersey Jawjacker on Zach, and is waiting for him to get up..
Greg with a rana att....*CRACK* AND DMC BREAKS THE LAWNCHAIR OVER GREG'S HEAD!!!
Referee was too busy with Mark and Dan to see that, but DMC just broke a chair
over the head of Wave Runner Greg!
Now did I tell yew or did I tell yew! Somethin' told me they was out
here ta help out their buddies, an' thar's yer proof! If thar be any doubt in
anyone's mind that thar be an 'lliance 'tween Ground Zee-ro an' th'Pocalypse boys,
thar ain't no doubt no more. An' now Big Red throwin' blondie back inta th'ring
whar Zach-boy is waitin' fer 'im.
Zach now climbing to the top rope, Greg is NOT MOVING, folks. This can't
end like this, the Hurley's and Siouxnami are tearing each other apart...ZACH
with a SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!! That's *whump* "The End" *whump* but is it? *whump*
Yes it it!! The Children of Apocalypse win it, but they need the help of Death
Machine Crimson to do it!!!!
An' lightnin' just struck twice on them surf-boys! The got pounded on
after beatin' th'Pocalypse boys at Homecomin', an' now them boys git the win an'
give em' *another* beatin'! They got away with it the first time, but I don't
thank them surf boys are gonna let 'em git away with this one!
Oh, this isn't done by a long shot, Nick Duncan and DMC are now pounding
on the fallen Greg as Zach and Dan...DEAR GOD, "FULL REDEMPTION" ON THE CONCRETE!!
MARK JUST GOT DRILLED INTO THE CONCRETE...*crowd pop* CURTIS STONE!!! STONE'S
OUT THERE, AND HE's CLEANING HOUSE ON NICK DUNCAN AND DMC!!!
Stoney clearly in thar to 'xact some revenge on his former teammates. I
don't thank he could care less 'bout them surfer-boys. He just wants a good shot
at ol' Nick an' Big Red!
Here comes more cavalry, Dr. Destructo with a chair. now, and the
Children of Apocalypse back off, as Dr. D hits the ring...*CRACK* AND
DR D. JUST LAID OUT CURTIS STONE WITH THE CHAIR!!!! WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?
Looks like Dee-structo gettin' some payback as well! I know he ain't
been too happy with them Power Supply boys, or what's left of 'em...but I dunno
why he's singlin' out Stoney an' not goin' after th'other two...
And now Dr. D laying the stomps on the Wave Runners *AND* Curtis Stone!!
This is sick, both Wave Runners are down on the ground, as is Curtis Stone,
and now Dr. D shaking the hand of Nick Duncan, this was a setup!! Dr. Destructo
has joined Nick Duncan's side of the Power Supply!!!
Looks like some more negotiations tooken place, an' now our li'l allinace
is *six* strong!...waitaminit, whar's that Jon Owens boy? How come he ain't a-
comin' ta even th'odds out here? He cain't be sittin' in the back an' just
watchin' his buddy Stoney git the tar beat outta him, can he?
("Fuel" by Metallica comes on)
Destructo, the Television Champion, laying in one more chairshot for
good measure as the men leave! Hurleys and Siouxnami have fought their way to
the back AGAIN...and the Children of Apocalypse are going to Snowbrawl, and
they have a date with the Weapons of Last Resort!!!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
*********************************** @ Camera Cut @*************************************
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
(We cut to Chris Monroe. *CROWD BOOS* He's wearing an absurd hula dress and
some sort of tribal head gear. He's surrounded by a variety of stuffed animals,
an array of tigers, reptiles, bears etc, and is dancing in a ring of fire. He is
roasting a marshmallow on the end of a bamboo stick)
[Monroe]
I have risen to the top of the wrestling world through a very calculated
strategy and technique. I get into the head of my opponent. The ongoing
enigma that plagues all of the EWC...is Chris Monroe really crazy or is he
just playing games? Well, for once the tables have been turned on me. Fuego
is a deeply troubled soul and I have decided that the best way for me to
tackle my match with him is to get inside of his jungle-head.
Having grown up in the tough, scary jungles, it's easy to imagine how he has
come to be as deranged as he is. But I want to understand and help him.
Just because he can't read, write, or dress himself - although I do admit
that I really like his velcro boots, those are nifty - doesn't mean he isn't
human. Fuego has feelings just like the rest of us. Fuego wants to have a
date to his swamp-side prom, so he can swoop her away on his vine and shower
her with gifts of dirt and bark. And if the night goes really well, Fuego
wants to follow his humane urges just like us all and end the night with a
rollicking romp on the steamy jungle gorund, rolling in a pile of firey red
ants and so forth. As I said, I has come to realize thatFuego is just like
any other guy.
So in order to understand where he is coming from even better, I have decided
to live a day in the life of Fuego. Protecting myself with nothing more than
this bamboo stick that i carved myself, I have practiced the life of
survival. I surrounded myself with some of the deadliest creatures the
jungle has to offer and have kept warm with only this man-made fire that I
started with my very own teeth and skin. And after spending this horrfying
day in the life of Fuego, I have come to an understanding. With a life of
such intense fear and loneliness, I am surprised that Fuego is not crazier
than he is. He's a true survivor, a regular success story - how Fuego can
even feed himself without wearing a bib is practically a miracle.
This man is shell-shocked. He has no culture, no civility, and no sense of
right and wrong. That is the only possible reason that Fuego could ever
possible think that he can get down and dirty with Chris Monroe. If Fuego
wants to get hardcore, he has another thing coming. You don't try to beat
the master at his own game, so instead I'm going to teach Fuego a lesson in
humanity. Fuego is going to get a clinic tonight that he will never forget.
Who you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? DON'T YOU KNOW I'M LOCO?!?!?
(Monroe breaks into a ludicrous tribal dance before breaking into maniacal
cackling)