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(The opening chords of "Heartbreaker" by Led Zeppelin come on over the speakers, as
Mr. Wrestling IV steps through the curtains and slowly walks to the ring.)
Folks, we're set to go with the last of our three tournament matches
tonight, but apparently from the looks of things, Wrestling IV isn't
exactly dressed for competition tonight.
Maybe he finally got that first place victory in the "Broke Ass Old
Folks That Need To Retire" contest...
DAVID!
What, what... he's been in third for years... I'm hoping the best for
the guy!
{sighs}
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@| _| \ \/\/ /| (__ Mr. Wrestling IV @
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@ @
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(Crowd dies down quickly as they notice Mr. Wrestling IV is not in his customary
wrestling gear, but wearing a loose sweatsuit. IV gets in the ring and is handed a mic.)
[MWIV]
I don't know how many of you folks have been following the EWC goings on during our
absence from television, but a month ago Nathan Stormcatcher and myself had a match
with the Children of Apocalypse in Columbia, South Carolina. In said match, I
experienced Full Redemption and injured by back. You may not be aware of this,
but I had a back injury in '95 that I was damn lucky to recover from. My doctors
say that one more injury to my back could put me in a wheel chair for good, so they
are advising me to never get in the ring again.
(A hush falls over the arena)
[V/O]
That is incredibly sobering news, folks.
It shows the realities of what we do in the ring. This is why these
men DESERVE respect... and it is why those who are untrained should NOT try
this at home!
If tonight is IV's retirement, that's a low point to go out on
for the career that IV has had.
[MWIV]
Hey... I didn't come out here so people would feel sorry for me. It may not be a
good time for me to get in the ring, but I'm not giving up. I /WILL/ be back in the ring
... as a wrestler.
(The arena lights darken and the video screen flares to life, showing Stevie Mauritz
in front of an EWC logo)
[Mauritz]
Who's the KING, bay-be?
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
Stevie Mauritz is on the screen, I thought he was wrestling tonight!
{Mauritz]
Now, the Prime Merchandise found something out earlier tonight... people buy Militar
de Furia masks. And tons of them. Now, obviously, that's mostly because these people
need something to cover their faces and, I'll admit, the Furia mask looks better than
a brown paper bag. But that doesn't mean these people should be depraved of the Prime
Merchandise's prime merchandise, does it?
(The crowd does not like this, and shows it)
This is utterly classless - Mauritz interrupts some heartfelt words from
Wrestling IV in order to moan and complain that his T-shirt isn't selling?
[Mauritz]
So people, strap yourself in... because the Prime Merchandise is about to introduce someone
who will take you on the RIDE of your LIFETIMES. Hit the music!
(the video screen blanks out and...)
///-----\\\
| PA System | "Usted es IN-CRE-DI-BLE!"
\\\-----///
(BOOOOM! goes the pyro and out struts... well, Stevie Mauritz, in a yellow and silver mask.
He's carrying a microphone and stops halfway up the aisle.)
[Mauritz]
I am... Cornholio!
*BOOOOOOOOOOOO*
He's WHAT?!?!?!
< Kang> I believe he's looking for T.P. for his bung...
What in the HELL are you talking about, David?
Oh... just a flashback to younger, less mature years.
Mauritz out here in a luchadors mask, trying to pass himself off
as a luchadore! This is *already* an insult to the history and honor of
the mask in Mexican wrestling lore, and he's only said three words!
[Cornholio?]
Primera La Mercanca introduced me and I am forever thankful to me amigo for that,
and as he said, I will take you on el paseo de un curso de la vida! But I hear the old...
err... gringo there has an... paria posterior del mayo... no wait, a parte
posteriora del malo. Now old man, if you can't wrestle... then that means...
por valor por defecto... I WIN!
(Cornholio starts walking to the back)
[MWIV]
Hold on there, Beavis!
(Cornholio turns around and yell "Shut up!" as the fans laugh)
[MWIV]
Let's get a few things straight. You didn't pin me, make me submit or in any way
defeat me. You have to earn your way into the Millionaire's Tournament, so get that
"I win!" crap out of your head.
*crowd pop*
[MWIV]
Now, due to my injury, Mr. Lebeaux has said I could name my own replacement for the match.
Since you've got to wrestle /SOMEONE/ tonight and it's obvious you have a problem
with Furia masks outselling your t-shirts, /MAYBE/ we should get the man out here and
you two can discuss merchandizing in the ring.
*crowd pops to the heavens*
I'll drink to that!
[MWIV]
Nah... that wouldn't be fair to Furia. Why do we just let the first guy out here take
my spot?
(Cornholio is looking at MWIV now, but still backing away. He's almost right by the
entrance.)
[Cornholio]
Listen old man, there isn't going to be any match. Why? Because noone is coming out
here! Trust me, there is NO WAY that I'll be fighting-
(Cornholio bumps into someone behind the courtain. He slowly turns around as the
person walks out, showing him to be...)
[Cornholio]
- HAPPY DAWSON!
OY GEVALT! HAPPY DAWSON IS *BACK*, and he's smacking Stevie
Mauritz all the way down the ramp! Hard right hands are staggering
Mauritz into the ring!
Hey... this could be cool! He's no million minute People's
Champion... but Dawson is capable of a good show when he wants to!
This is a Million Dollar Tournament match, and Dawson, who
was last seen here on our very first PPV, just unceremoniously tossed
Mauritz into the ring - and IV is hanging out at ringside, does this
mean that he's Dawson's manager or something?
It would NOT be out of character for IV to retain this sort of
ace-in-the-hole... and I DON'T mean Ty Kross!
In the ring, Dawson irish whips the North American champion,
Stevie off the ropes, back elbowsmash levels the champion. Dawson
picks him up, HARD snap suplex by Dawson, and a cover...one...two...
my GOD, that was almost a three count already! Dawson caught Mauritz
completely flatfooted!
Of course he did! Mauritz has been hoodwinked! He's been took! He's
been tricked! But as sure as the Prime Merchandise will become a Worldwide
phenomena, I guarantee this won't last long!
Dawson with a boot to the back, now Happy off the ropes...
Mauritz with a drop toehold as Happy came off of the ropes. Mauritz
now up and off the ropes as Dawson gets up...flying forearm by
Mauritz...and now Mauritz pointing at Dawson and yelling "FIGHT ME!
ARRIBA!" What a goofball!
That's not being a "goofball"! It's why I like him! That's CHARISMA!
That's CHARM! That's...
Insulting to every Mexican-American wrestling fan?
That too... but that comes as a bonus.
He better pay attention to the damn match! Mauritz climbing to the
top rope, Dawson's up...DAWSON GETS HIM COMING DOWN WITH AN INVERTED ATOMIC
DROP! Nice countermove by Dawson, and Dawson off the ropes with a bulldog
lariat! Dawson on fire right now, and he drops a leg across the face of
"Stunning" Stevie before slapping a scissorlock across the head!
Happy Dawson isn't the deepest technician in EWC... nor does he have
the deepest manuever set... but what he does, he does crisply, he does
painfully, and he does it WELL! You can tell that from the squirming Mauritz
is doing right now!
That's not squirming... that's... that's... positional manuevering to
maximize his escape potential!
Hmmm... let's see... hmmm... no, David... that's SQUIRMING. I'm
fairly sure of that.
Dawson has stepped up his game since the last time we saw him,
no doubt about it, and right now he's in there against the #2 man in the
EWC working for a shot at a million dollars. Dawson riding that scissorlock
hard on the head of Mauritz...Mauritz managing to slide out of the
scissorlock, now he's coming off the ropes, Dawson leapfrogs, Mauritz
with a SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK off the ropes!
And this goes to show something... Many don't give the Stunning One
a lot of credit for his current title... but let's be honest, he's EARNED
what he's gotten in the EWC, because of counters like THAT.
Mauritz right there with a standing moonsault, Wayne Winans
is right there, count of one, COUNT OF TWO, kickout by Dawson! I will
say, Mauritz was always a high flying kind of wrestler, but right now
it's like he's making a conscious effort to wrestle the luchador style,
or at least what he perceives it to be.
Well, the luchadore style is as much technical as it is high-flying,
as I'm sure Furia would gladly detail... but he /IS/ showing his skills
right now.
Mauritz tries for a schoolboy, but Dawson gets out of it, and
goes for the legs, double leg trip into a rollover pin combo,
count of one, count of two, Mauritz gets out, and now both men out,
and Mauritz with a small package, count of one, count of two,
DAWSON REVERSES IT, WE HAVE ONE, WE HAVE TWO, and Mauritz is out!
I'm getting dizzy watching this, Mauritz goes for a backslide,
Dawson reverses, FULL NELSON SUPLEX!
No pun intended, but happily, Happy is making me eat my earlier
words.
We've already seen one returning talent win his match, we
could be seeing it happen, deja vu all over again, as Yogi Berra once
said...Dawson grabbing Mauritz right arm, threading it between his
legs - pumphandle slam, Dawson coming at Mauritz with some high
impact moves here, Dawson with the cover, and he gets another near
fall on the North American champion, and how much longer can Stevie
hang in here?
I'd argue "For a long time". Like it or not... Stevie took Damien
Omega thirty minutes in the ring at the last PPV... he DOES have the skills
to pay the bills... even if he is a goofball!
CHARASMATIC, DAMNIT!
Dawson sends Mauritz to the ropes, Dawson with a backdrop,
MAURITZ TWISTING AROUND ON THE FALL, landing with Dawson in inverted
DDT position, and TWISTS AROUND INTO A SWINGING BULLDOG!!! Steveholio
there calls that the "Claim to Fame", and that *PLANTED* Dawson square
in the center of the ring!
All he needed was a spade and some seeds too make THAT big move
complete!
Mauritz picking Dawson up, locking on a sleeperhold from behind,
but Dawson with a over the shoulder judo throw sending Mauritz towards
the corner. Dawson waits for Mauritz to get to his feet, charges with
a clothesline, but Mauritz ducks, and Dawson careens into the corner!
Dawson staggering out *ooooh* *CRACK* MAURITZ WITH AN ENZIGURI!! AND
DAWSON WAS FLATTENED BY THAT KICK!
See... THAT is why Stevie Mauritz is a champion! Beautifully executed
moves, and golden charisma on the microphone...
I thought that was "unadulerated blathering"
One man's charisma is another man's blathering in this business,
apparently.
Mauritz goes out to the apron, slingshots to the top rope
INTO A MOONSAULT, that's "White Chokolate", and we've got one....we've
got two....Dawson gets his feet on the ropes, they were too close, if
they had been a couple feet out of the corner, this match would be over!
Mauritz picking up Dawson, pulls him over a bit, and locks on the crossface
chicken wing!
Well, if Dawson were a couple of feet over, Mauritz wuld have had to
hangglide over to moonsault him!
Mauritz locking that on for all he's worth, and Dawson trying to
get out of the hold, but nothing doing, as Mauritz has that locked on
tight!
That may not be the best idea here... Mauritz has managed to hit
some really good high-impact offense, and it's had it's toll on the
returning Dawson... Mauritz may want to stick with what brought him to the
table!
Dawson, to his credit, refusing to tap out, but he's starting to
lose juice here...referee is checking his arm to see if he's still up
and running....the arm drops once....the arm drops twice...
Yeah! YEAH! CHOKE HIM OUT! WRING HIS NECK!
*pop* NOTHING DOING! DAWSON'S STILL IN THIS! He's struggling
here...but he's inching closer to the ropes!
Damnit, what part of the concept of being choked into unconscuosness
does Dawson not understand?
This is where Dawson's strength comes in handy, he's using that
advantage to inch closer and closer...and he gets there! He makes it to
the ropes! Referee forcing Mauritz to break, and he's none too happy about
it. He grabs Mauritz up for a bodyslam, no a backbreaker in center ring,
and now Mauritz climbing the ropes!
And this is it! The triple somersault moonsault senton explosion for
the win!
The goofball shouts "ARRIBA!" on the top rope, and comes off
with a flying elbowsmash...HE MISSED! HE MISSED!! DAWSON MOVED OUT OF
THE WAY! AND NOW BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!
I've said it before, and I'll say it again : Gut-check time for the
two men in the ring! We /KNOW/ Dawson has heart... and we KNOW he won't stay
down! Let's see if the same can be said of Mauritz!
Both men up now, and Mauritz with a "lucha chop"...AND DAWSON
FIRING RAPID RIGHTS INTO THE HEAD OF MAURITZ, AND A BIG RIGHT HAND
DROPS MAURITZ RIGHT ON HIS *silence*io!
Now, this is where I like Dawson! He's mad! He's pissed! And he's got
a BIG RIGHT HAND that does BIG DAMAGE!
Dawson sending Mauritz to the ropes, Mauritz rebounds, ducks an
elbowsmash attempt, Dawson turns around *CRACK* RIGHT INTO A SUPERKICK BY
MAURITZ!!! Forget it, he's dead! *whump* cover, count of one *whump* two...
*whu..* TWO AND 9/10ths! it doesn't get any closer than that!
I'm starting to wonder how much Mauritz has left in him! He's thrown
the kitchen sink at Happy, and Happy STILL won't go down!
Mauritz now with a vertical suplex, he gets him over, Dawson twists,
AND HE PLANTS MAURITZ WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX!!!! Dawson's fired up now, as
he lifts Mauritz up, locks the full nelson on again INTO A FORWARD RUSSIAN
LEG SWEEP!! THAT WAS THE HAPPY DRIVER!!! *whump* and this one *whump*
is in the the boo *whump* We have three...NO! MAURITZ GOT HIS LEG ON
THE ROPES!!! Happy thinks he won the match, but the referee telling him
that Mauritz got his leg on the ropes.
Happy /HAS/ to get back on him! He can NOT let the frustration
rattle him right now!
Despite your opinion of him, and mine's pretty damn low at the moment,
Mauritz knows every inch of that ring. He may be an ass as a human being,
but he knows the game. Dawson setting up for a powerbomb attempt...Mauritz
slides out, springboards off the top rope with his hands on Dawson's
shoulders, TWISTING RANA into a pinning combination, we have one, WE
HAVE TWO, WE HAVE THREE!!!
("Unbelievable" kicks back in again as Mauritz rolls out of the ring, then staggers
towards the rampway)
Mauritz getting out of this one with a three count in what was
one barnburner of a match, but Dawson more than proving himself in his return
tonight!
No one doubted Dawson's ability... and I think this match showed more
of what Mauritz was capable of than what Dawson was not.
Even so, I wouldn't be surprised at all if Militar de Furia would
have comments of his own about Mr. Mauritz's attempts at merchandising!
Hey... /I/ want a Cornholio mask after that performance!
You would... Folks, STEEL CAGE MATCH, LH TITLE, that's next!