[The camera cuts to the back where we find ourselves in a sparse locker
room. In fact, the only things we find are a punching bag, a folding chairand a lone
figure wrapping tape around his wrists. He looks up and we find ourselves face to
face with former KWF, AWA, SWA, and ECWF world champion--Fuego.]
[Fuego]
And so we've come full circle. About 4 years ago I broke into the sport and, thanks
to a little bit talent and a little bit of nepotism, broke into the EWC. The man who
entered the ring back then was green--he was living off of his name, fighting with
instinct, and hoping to catch a break. The man who returns to the EWC today, the
man who is sitting before you now, he's nothing like the other one. He's a warrior,
a man who never accepts anything less than beyond the best, someone who does not a
ccept losing as an option. A machine who has taken more titles and ended more
careers than most give him credit for.
I've used the past few weeks off to refocus, to rekindle my inner fire, and to make
sure than when I entered the ring again, I was going to be at the top of my game.
Tonight I go for yet another world title. Funny, but every time I win one, the
federation decides it's better to fold than to keep going with me as a champion.
Well, if that's the EWC's plan they better just shut down now because I'm taking
that belt.
Don't get me wrong, Marc Anthony, you're a hell of a competitor and I'm not going to
take anything away from you. You share a spot with me on that very short list of
men who have defeated Steve Fontaine, you've been a world champion, and you never
back down from a fight--for all of that I respect you...Too bad that's not going to
save you from any bit of an ass kicking. You stand in the way of me and my goal, and
for that reason, and no other, you're going to lose. As for most of the other
competitors in tonight's tournament, I wish you all the best of luck--but I'll
understand if your hearts aren't into it--mine wouldn't be knowing that I'd have
no chance of winning it all.
There is one individual I'd like to single out for a brief moment, and that man is
Chris Sim. Sim, I am going to spell out the message that you seemed to miss in the
ECWF--you better prove yourself against someone, a real star, before you start
gunning for the best. Call me a jungle beast, a savage, or anything else the
censors will permit--I'll ignore it. Beat someone with talent, then I'll start
paying attention.
Now, before you start going around saying that I'm ducking you, I'm going to show
you that I understand just what this season's about--I'm going to use my wish to
give you an opportunity to prove that you're a real man. Once I win tonight, you're
going to get a match, a WHEEL OF TORTURE match, against Ernie Grendel. Then we'll
see what you're made of. If I lose, then I'll face you in a best of 5 series, and y
ou can pick the stipulations for all five matches. Of course that will never happen.
And if it does, just remember one thing---Fuego's gonna kill you...
[Fade to black.]
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
*DING DING DING*
Cross: Words as strong as it gets from Fuego, as we're about ready
to see Fuego vs. Marc Anthony
[Matthews]
"This match is part of the EWC World Championship Tournament. ("Rusty
Cage" by Soundgarden starts up as most of the fans pop tremendously)
Introducing first, from the Brazilian Rainforest. He weighs in at
243 lbs, and is a former KWF, AWA, SWA-IF, and ECWF World Champion...
[VO]
Stone: Meaning, he held the same worthless Pennsylvania
title throughout all the promotional name changes...
ladies and gentlement...here....is....FFFUUUUEEEEGGGGOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
(Many fans have already begun the "Fuego's gonna kiiilll you" chant,
as Fuego comes out, as determined as anyone has ever seen him)
Cross: Look at the face of Fuego...intensity personified.
Lowe: I've been following the career of this man ever since
he tried to do the SWA invasion of the KWF....and
he just keeps getting better and better..and as you
all know, I'm a hard man to impress.
Stone: I dunno, Jimmy, Tawni Blackmail told me that you
were just a lil' old softy where it really mattered.
Lowe: Vanessa Stone, you only wish you could experience
Lowe 6:9 in action.
Cross: Folks, we have a match to call, please pay attention.
[Matthews]
"And his opponent....."
Lowe: Hold on a second, what's she doing out here?
Cross: Commisioner Jansen just made a beeline for the ring,
and she doesn't look happy. I'd like to know
where Marc Anthony is?
Stone: And if you'll shut your mouth for a moment, cueball,
she'll probably tell us.
[Jansen]
"Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that due to unavoidable
circumstances, Marc Anthony is unable to appear on this card tonight,"
(Crowd boos, although the Fuego mutants give a sizeable pop. Fuego
looks a little annoyed but isn't displeased at the situation)
Lowe: Damn, Fuego's in the four way, just like that...
Stone: Hold on, Jimmy Blow, she's not finished.
"However, we have managed to find a suitable replacement for the
tournament, a former Worlds heavyweight champion, and a man that
Fuego is *very* familiar with."
(Lots of crowd buzz, Fuego is looking right at Jansen)
"Ladies and Gentlemen, from Columbia, MO, weighing in at 260
lbs....."
("Dr. Feelgood" by Motley Crue comes on and the arena pops hard)
"...he is the former ESW World Heavyweight champion...he is
DOCTOR...FEEEEELLGGOOOOODDDD!!!!"
Cross: Ladies and Gentlemen, what a surprise..as Feelgood
makes his way to the arena, Bertha the baseball bat
right in hand.
Stone: And Fuego immediately on referee Mason Crow to
have Feelgood keep the bat outside of the ring,
and I don't blame him....Feelgood was a great
champion once, but his best years, and his body,
are way behind him.
Lowe: *laughs* yeah...tell him that to his face sometime.
He's one of the toughest bastards I've ever seen
wrestle..if you call it that, which Feelgood himself
sure doesn't. And another thing....
Cross: Feelgood has the ringside mike, let's see what he's
got to say.
[Feelgood]
Well, well, well. CWF folded, and they said "Doc, what are you
gonna o with yourself?". (shrugs) Only thing I know how to do....
kick some asses up between some shoulderblades. *crowd pop* Simple as that. EWC,
the Doctor is in... get ready to take your F'N medicine, people.
Cross: And with that, Feelgood enters the ring, giving
Bertha to the attendants.
Lowe: As I was about to say before Feelgood started talking,
Fuego may have wrestled Feelgood in the past, but the
fact remains that he prepared for a brawling Texan
and he's getting the man many arguably call the King
of E-Hardcore. THat would throw any gameplan for a
loop.
Stone: One thing you're forgetting, Jimbo, is that Fuego's
whole modus operandi is wrestling on the fly. He
can adapt to any style like that.
*SHORT REPORT MODE ON*
They lock up at first, with Fuego getting a boot to the gut in,
followed by an uppercut. He then whips Feelgood into the ropes, but
misses the back elbow coming in. Feelgood then lays down a
few kicks to the midsection, but Fuego responds with a thai strike
to the face, followed by a reverse russian legsweep and a 2 count.
Fuego immediately on the attack, picking Feelgood up and hitting
him with a cross throat chop, followed by a bounce off of the
ropes and a Harlem high kick that sends Feelgood over the top
rope.
Cross: and Fuego coming off the side...baseball slide..and
FEELGOOD CAUGHT HIM COMING OUT OF THE SLIDE...
MY GOD!!! POWERDRIVER ON THE OUTSIDE!!!
Lowe: That might have been Fuego's most fatal mistake...
other than having Thai food right before a date...
and that's almost as bad as taking a match with
Feelgood to the outside!
Cross: Feelgood slow in getting up...his body's not
what it used to be, but he can still get it on
with the best of them...grabs Fuego..DDT on the
concrete.
Stone: And referee Mason Crow doing nothing to stop this.
Back room scuttlebutt has Crow going "off record"
saying he plans to let people lay the whoopass on
whomever destroyed him in the ring in his KWF/AWA
days...and he's watching two of the culprits kill
each other right before his eyes.
Cross: I think LeBeaux needs to review his referee's a
bit more.
Feelgood then proceeded to hit a reverse DDT to the concrete as
well, and this drew a little bit of blood from the head of Fuego.
Feelgood then tosses Fuego back into the ring, and hits a
slingshot splash to come back in himself. Two count, and Feelgood
rises Fuego to his feet...only to take a couple of shots to the
midsection by Fuego, then a *hard* spinning back kick that knocked
Feelgood backward about two feet. Feelgood bounces forward...right
into a mandible claw by Fuego.
Cross: And Fuego has the mandible claw on Feelgood...
and Feelgood can't breathe! Down on his knees..
OWW!!! Forearm to the groin of Fuego right in full
view of referee Crow! This is absurd!
Lowe: Isaac, this is Feelgood. It doesn't matter if he's
fighting Fuego, Barry Bromowitz, or what have you.
He's going to cheat..that's what a "hardcore legend"
does.
Stone: And the shot to the nuts was enough to get Fuego
to break the mandible claw...and Feelgood has
Fuego by the throat.....CHOKESLAM on the former
SWA Champion!
Cross: And that was the Chicago Slam..and Feelgood stepping
backwards....this is almost certainly getting ready
for the Wrecking Ball.
Lowe: Doc, don't wait so long, just clock him....
Cross: Fuego's upright..and ducks the charge, nailing
him in the midsection with a knee..and like a
cat gets the leg over him...MUDSLIDE!!!!
*BIG ASS CROWD POP*
Cross: And that leg driver DDT almost decapitated Feelgood..
Crow counts one...two...three!
#################################
#WINNER: Fuego, by pinfall. 5:36#
#################################
Stone: Look at Fuego, tho...short as that match was,
Doc managed to do a number on him. And you
can bet this isn't the last we've heard of
Feelgood tonight...much to my dismay.
Cross: That's right..I've been informed that all the
first round losers are going to be in that big
North American Championship battle royal later
tonight..and so far Bill Curtis will be joining
Feelgood in that donnybrook!
Lowe: And we've got Reikkersen and Fuego in the four
way....with four other men possibly joining them.
Cross: Fans, when we return, it will be ROKER SHOWTIME vs.
CHRIS MONROE...we'll be back.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
You know, ever since Santa started giving away Blockbuster Video
cards, he's gotten a lot cooler.....This week on Dawson's Creek,
Pacey and Dawson admit their deep passion for talking above their
grade level....Watch Animaniacs, Saturday Mornings, on the WB11..
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Cross: Ladies and gentlemen, amidst all the veterans involved
in the EWC, there are several new faces that will
be competing as well. Let's catch up with locker room
coorespondent Adrienne Solo as she has a few words
with the mysterious Raw Assassin. Take a look.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
{Adrienne solo is seen in a hallway knocking on the door..after a
few minutes, a tall, dark, fairly muscular man known as...the
Raw Assasin)
[Adrienne Solo]
Sir, may I get a few words with you?
[The Raw Assasin]
A few words? How many is a few words?
[Solo]
Umm....May I ask a few questions?
[RA]
How many, moron?
[Solo]
I don't know as many as time permits
[RA]
I'm going to need an exact number, seeing as I need to set
my mind on this number.
[RA]
Sure....(Frustrated) How about four?
[RA]
Shoot.
[Solo]
First of all what do you hope to accomplish in the EWC as far
as goals?
[RA]
You see, I don't expect to do all that much. I don't believe there is much else I
can do, do you? I mean I have been in close to seven different organizations and
not once have I had all that much success. Never held a title or anything.
If you expect me to come out here and say I hope to get some sort of gold,
well, your not gonna get it that easy.
[Solo]
Why downgrade yourself?
[RA]
Downgrade myself? I am not downgrading myself! I am downgrading the situation
I have been given. I blame my mother, my father, every dumb referee. Every manager
who has ever managed me. I also blame society for not giving a hard-working, talented,
wrestler like me a chance to make it. I mean, I have not been given the same chances
as everyone else. My mother would wake me up early in the morning. Maybe too early,
that just about killed my chances of suceeding in school. My father signed me up for
baseball. If he would have known I were to be a wrestler maybe he would have taken me
for that. I just haven't been given the same chances as your usual man, but of course
nevertheless, I have made it, made it to the scene where I continually lose.
[Solo]
If the situation arose, would you take a title shot? Being as
set on yourself as you are.
[RA]
What do you think? Of course I would take it! Damn, you
idiots really don't understand do you? I am out here saying I don't get a fair
chance and you come out and ask if I would take the chance if it were given. Ugh!
[Solo]
You are in a battle royal which consists of 19 other great fighters.
What do you think your chances of coming out on top are and what are your opinions
of the competition?
[RA]
Honestly, I do not know any of these guys. Honestly I don't
care how good they are. Honestly, I don't really feel I have a decent chance of
winning this thing. I mean if you break it down there are twenty men participating
in this thing which gives me a five percent chance of winning. Now taking the fact
that some men have better luck then others my chance of winning this thing would
probably come out to less then three percent. But nevertheless I have overcome
the odds before and this time I will overcome the odds more than ever. I will
take out all the.....who am I kidding? But I guarantee, I will give it my all
and take out some.....ughh.....I'll give it my all!
[Solo]
Now if you......
[RA]
What are you still doing here? That was four questions! Now get
out of here.
[Solo]
(door slams in her face) Jeez.....
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Stone: Wow...what a sport. After everything that's happened
to him, for him to come out and give an honest
interview like that...that's touching.
Lowe: Oh, spew! He's a whining jobroni who's got more
canvasback than even Jeremy Byron! *in a whine*
Oh, I can't win because the ref's hate me...because
my momma hates me, because I couldn't win a match
to save my pathetic carcass *stops whining*
PUH-LEEZE!!!
Cross: Back to live action here, and Jansen is *again*
heading down to ringside.
Stone: Oh wait..don't tell me, Showtime didn't have the
balls to show up and lose! That is *so* like
him.
Lowe: Look, I've never been Roker's best friend..but
any man who can hang a grand total of 150 minutes
in two matches with "The Sweet One" is never
gonna back down from some overrated dentist reject...
[Jansen]
Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm afraid I've got some more bad news....
from the most gimmicky federation in e-wrestling
history!!
Cross: Shh, I want to hear this...
I was just informed by the owner of the EWC, Armand LeBeaux, that
due to stalled contract negotiations, that we were trying to
complete up until the 11th hour, Christopher Monroe has still not
yet been signed to an EWC contract, and thus cannot compete tonight
for the World title.
*Boos from the fans, a small "Bullshit" chant starts*
Lowe: Wonder who they got to replace him.
Therefore, Roker Showtime, by order of EWC officials, has been
awarded a bye into the final 4-way. Thank you.
*Gasp of shock from many of the fans, more than a few booing
the decision*
Stone: WHAT A CROCK OF *bleep*
Lowe: What? They didn't have anyone else in the
back that's worthy of fighting for the World
title.
Stone: I don't care. To me, Feelgood wasn't worthy
of a title shot.
Lowe: Still, even so.
Stone: I don't want to hear it. This is boardroom
favoritism at its worst. Fuego, who although
I think he's a nitwit, *is* a talented wrestler,
had to go through 5 minutes of Feelmyself's garbage
wrestling to get into the final four, but all
Showtime had to do was show up!?!? Hell, he didn't
even come out to acknowledge the bye!
Cross: Roker Showtime has been an EWC champion before..
Stone: And that's exactly why he was given the title. The
idiots running this show are trying to do everything
they can to give *their boy*, Roker Showtime, a
clear path to that World title. Something stinks
here like Lowe's underwear drawer, and I want to
know what it is!
Cross: Fans, we have these comments from Torvald Reikkersen
followed by a special look at "Frozen Hell IV", the
movie starring Reikkersen and "Bad" Brad Watkins.
And maybe when we get back, we can find out more
about the Roker situation.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
[The shot opened on the locker room of "Icebreaker" Torvald
Reikkersen shortly after his victory over Curtis. Reikkersen was stretched out on a
massage table while the Swedish Blond of the Week worked some kind of linament into his
lower back. Frieda was nearby brushing Torvald's robe with a lint brush. Reikkersen
gestured for the camera to move around and drop down so that it could see his face.]
[ICE]: Nice try, Curtis, but it's going to take a better man than you
to slow down the Fury of the Norsemen! Sure, that chair stung
a little bit, but it's not going to stop the Hammer of the Gods
from taking all the gold that the EWC has to offer.
[Reikkersen shakes his head sadly.]
I can only hope that appropriate action is taken by the
authorities after your reckless display of poor sportsmanship.
If it were up to me, I'd let it slide, but we can't let that
sort of behavior set a bad example for the kids. What would
Sven Broderick say?
[Somehow, Reikkesen has managed to work a copy of the display cover of
"Frozen Hell IV: Tropical Freeze" into the shot.]
Now roll on out of here, Mr. Cameraman, I've got to relax
before the main event, and I know just the way to do it.
[Reikkersen rolls over onto his back and the SBotW starts working on his thigh, as
Frieda comes to join her.]
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
{A gutteral bass voice dripping with the testosterone that is commonplace among this
type of voice-over speaks with enthusiastic masculinity}
V-O: What do you get when you take voodoo priests...
{The scene is of a black male wearing a witch doctor headress shaking a
smoking pot over a bonfire as scantily clad women dance in a circle shaking their
acting degrees from Julliard.}
V-O: ...toss in a cool five million in stolen diamonds...
{The scene cuts to a warehouse where a couple of stereotypical thugs dressed in leather
jackets and sunglasses pop open an attache case revealing the priceless stones. One man,
in a horrendous New York accent exclaims "Hey Mr. Big is gonna dig dat ice."}
V-O: ...a group of modern-day Nazis bent on conquering the world ... or
destroying it ...
{This scene has several brown-shirted men goose stepping into a warehouse before a wall
size photo of Adolf Hitler, as a decrepit old man with coke- bottle glasses grins a n
ear toothless smile and returns their salute.}
V-O: ....all in the tropical paradise of Acapulco? It ain't a vacation, sunshine!
{A calm sandy beach seen on hundreds of travel brochures explodes into action as an ice
blue Ferrari leaps over a dune, spins a doughnut, then screams off down the deserted
beach as a helicopter chases them firing off thousands of rounds of ammo which kick up
clouds of sand all around the sportscar.}
V-O: Interpol operative Sven Broderick and his partner Special Agent Rock Badderman
are back!
{A shot of the interior of the car shows Sven Broderick ("Icebreaker" Torvald Reikkersen)
and Rock Badderman ("Bad" Brad Watkins) jammed inside, with a buxom, bikini clad woman
perched in what must be an uncomfortable position atop the gear box. Broderick at the
wheel cuts a hard left turn, running a pursuing motorcyclist into the surf. Badderman
turns around and fires what must be 75 rounds from his handgun...but the helicopter is
undeterred. Finally Broderick produces a rocket launcher (presumably from under the seat)
and Badderman sends the aerial pursuer to a fiery tomb.}
V-O: "Frozen Hell 4: Tropical Freeze" is coming soon...and it's cool!
{This time Broderick and Badderman are chained together swinging from the Acapulco
cliffs as a maniacal man in a Hawaiian shirt spouts out the infamous line "At last,
the end of agents Broderick and Badderman."}
Broderick (Reikkersen): There's a cold wind coming from the North,
Von Luchenstendorff, its name is Broderick, and its going
to freeze your ass off.
Man (looking irate at Broderick's insolence): Gottin Himmel, he must
have ice in his veins! Have you any last words Badderman?
Badderman (Watkins): Pal, these are new shoes and they haven't had their quota of
butt kicking...yet.
V-O: Your favorite hot shot, bad boys of law are back in the greatest
adventure yet. Don't miss "Frozen Hell 4: Tropical Freeze"
{The commercial ends with Broderick and Badderman getting chewed out by the local
authorities as each man has a delicious babe on each arm.}
Badderman (Watkins) looking at the lovely women: Yes sir, I guess this means we're
under house arrest.
Broderick (Reikkersen): You mean "Four Star Hotel Arrest", right ladies?
**{This motion picture has not been rated}**