(The scene opens to a cameraman walking up to a modest house in a
middle-class neighborhood. He rings the doorbell a few times and when there is no
answer he begins to look around and hears a banging noise coming from the rear of
the house. Walking, at a quickening pace as if they are ready to discover some
kind of commotion, he turns the corner to find a very large, muscular man working
on an old Mustang. The cameraman catches the fellows attention and as he looks up
it's clear that it's Slayer, but in street clothes and covered in grease and dirt.)
[Slayer]
"Oh, damn. I completely forgot that you guys were coming today. Hang on a second,
let me find a towel."
(Slayer grabs a nearby rag and wipes off his hands and face, but not really cleaning
up a lot of the dirt.)
[Slayer]
"I get to working on these things and my mind gets kind of centered, you know?
Outside of the ring there are just a few things that keep me sane. This, working
on cars, and my wife are the two biggest.
"Ok, so you guys probably want to know why I called you guys on such short notice
and why you're hear today and why I'm not all "fire and brimstone" and "hell this"
and "damnation that" and on and on. Well, you see, this just kind of hit me
yesterday and I called the EWC offices to see if a crew could come down here.
Anyway, I'm just tired. Tired of the load of crap that people like Joshua Collins,
Sloan, and even myself fed the fans for the past three years. Damn, three years of
my life that I'll never get back. Three years of being some whacked-out nut job
going on and on and on about the whole Cult thing and that 6-Fingered Hand mess.
At times it was exciting and even fun, but you know what, it wasn't me and it's not
going to be me now.
I was really green when Collins came to me and offered me a spot in the Cult. Being
quite new to our sport and needing a boost it jumped right in with both feet. Not
even seeing that I was diving into the shallow end of the pool. Well, I'm not green
anymore and I'm not intimidated by the big names either. He'll, I've been on the
giving and receiving end with some of the best around in the past three years, TR
Parker and Marc Anthony taught me more through ass whippings and brawls and busting
me open than Collins ever could have. What now, well let's see, I could go work for
my brother's auto parts store and be an underpayed 300 pound gorilla or I could
the EWC by storm and start by tearing ass all over the last bit of the Cult that's
still around and that would be Sloan. Man, did you ever do a number on me.
That was one hell of a fall and not many of you may know this, but I did go out for
a few minutes. That was a scary ride to the ER, but as you can see things turned out
ok. Sloan, you didn't quite finish the job and you have one more chance to get it
done next week. Hell, I wanted it this week, but EWC doctors wouldn't clear me to
wrestle. I'll say this much, you had better lay me out and for good this time, cuz'
if not then you are all going to see some serious Slay-tanic ass
kicking, courtesy of me.
Oh, and by the way, my driver's license says "Mark Davidson" so you
can call me that if you like, but remember, everyone will fear the Slayer."
(Slayer, or Mark, turns around and closes the house door)
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("Obsession" by Animotion plays in the background as the team
of Retrospection heads down to the ring, again wearing the S.P.O.T.
t-shirts and this time bringing a few technicians and EWC "roadies"
to the ring, as they proceed to start removing the loose tables
and unused chairs around ringside)
Cross: And folks, as we prepare for the semifinals of
the tag tournament, we just got an in-depth look
at the man they call the Slayer, Mark Davidson,
and he will be facing Sebastian Sloan in the ring
next week..apparently a *lot* of payback for the
past 3 years.
Stone: Look honey, Slayer, Davidson, The Jobroni from Hell,
I don't care *what* you call him..hell, use the name
from his hospital report from last week..all I know is
this little confession and filming a cute little promo
in the suburbs aren't going to save him from the
absolution of his sins that only Rev. Sloan can
provide.
DrS: No, but it's a good start. I've seen this kid since
the start of his career...good in the ring, lots of
power, not a great public speaker, and he started with
this fire and brimstone gimmick and hooked up with
Collins and Sloan from the beginning of his KWF tenure.
Just looking at him there, that's the healthiest I've
ever seen the man. ("Grey Matter" by Oingo Boingo
starts) If I were Sloan, I wouldn't look past him, not
by a longshot.
Cross: And here comes Beyond our Control..fans, we've got old
school against hardcure here, as BOC set to take on
Retrospection...and even tho they're new to the EWC,
they showed a lot in their first match against 2 Cool
Dudes.
DrS: The key to this match is who sets the pace. You would
be hard pressed to find two more diametrically opposite
teams in terms of style...and for one team to wrestle
the others style would make them a fish out of water.
The team who gets to wrestle their kind of match is
gonna walk out the winner.
*SHORT REPORT MODE ON*
BOC charged before the bell and started wailing away...kicks and
punches...to their credit, "Old School" and "The Throwback" stayed
right with them, but the double whip into each other by BOC basically
slowed that run. Baen then clotheslines Styles over the top
rope, then hits a hipbuster elbow onto Styles...then heads back
up the rampway as Cannon ties Gentry up and hits the Flair-style
chops that cause Gentry to bounce up from the mat across the ropes,
with the last one sending him out of the ring.
At this point Baen bring out a rolling freight cart from the back..
and starts to stack tables onto it. Meanwhile, Styles is up and back
in the ring, and cheap-shots Cannon from behind, allowing Gentry to
do the old schoolboy trip routine with Styles using a dropkick..Styles
then used the momentum to roll Cannon up for a quick 2 count. By now
Baen had called Schrapnel to the stage area and, after stacking 4 tables,
a couple chairs, and a spare hockey stick from the back,
Baen got on the cart and told Schrapnel to push...
DrS: Oh, THIS is imaginative....
Cross: Baen yelling "WHEEEEEEEEEE" as he rolls down
the ring....Retrospection cannot believe this...
Baen riding that cart like a surfboard...and
Baen's ride collides with the ring and throws
BAEN OPWARDS....PLANCHA HEADING *INTO* THE RING!!!
And Baen flattens *both* members of Retrospection!
Stone: This is insane..referee Mason Crow doing nothing to
control this chaos.
DrS: Of course he isn't....Shrapnel said at the start of
the evening that the EWC wasn't responsible for
BOC's actions!!!
Cross: And Shrapnel going about the task of setting the
tables up at ringside..Gentry screaming loudly
at this...CANNON FROM BEHIND WITH THE DROPKICK..
and oh my...here comes trouble...(BOOOOOOOOOO!!!)
Stone: Now *THERE'S* a tag team...Murder, Inc. just showed
up to ringside, and they're pointing at Cannon..
Cross: Meanwhile Styles laid face down on that table..
here comes CANNON...he leaps OVER the table..and
goes right after Spinelli!!!!! We got a fight
outside the ring.
DrS: We've got a fight inside the ring too..MOONSAULT
DDT by Baen onto Jason Gentry..and he goes down
for the cover and sees Cannon being worked over
by Spinelli and Haynes...and Baen going out
to help his partner..
Cross: And Crow wasting no time in laying a count on
Baen and Cannon....Styles still out of it but
Gentry very wisely not wanting to get involved
in this...Haynes and Baen are in the fans!!!
Stone: 8....9....10!!! I don't believe it, the mooks got
themselves counted out!!!!! And Gentry and Styles
are really celebrating this one!!!
########################################
# WINNERS: Retrospection, by CO 3:42 #
########################################
DrS: You know what? I don't think BOC cares...they're
fighting hammer and tongs with Murder, Inc as
now Spinelli and Cannon are fighting *UNDER* the
ramp entryway.
Cross: Folks, Retrospection is in the finals, with a little
help from the homicidal tendencies of BOC...this is
breaking down, let's hear from one of the Footbrawl
participants, the "Iron Bull" along with his manager
the Jade Tiger.
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{Jade Tiger is seen ranting and raving in the lockeroom. T'chai Se-Yeoung, the
Iron Bull stands stiffly over to the side as the Asian master rummages through
a large cardboard box.}
Jade Tiger (muffled, since his head is inside the box): Bah! Typical American
foolishness.
{Jade Tiger's head pops out as he pulls out a football helmet.}
Footbrawl Battle Royal?! A fabricated sport simulating the conquest of land
all in an effort to score points. America embraces such trivial gamesmanship
as befitting a fat, lazy country.
{The next article to surface is a pair of shoulder pads.}
And what is this? some form of armor to keep the frail American athlete from
injury? Tsk tsk tsk, in Japan real athletes wear next to nothing when competing
in the grand ceremony of Sumo, and here they do as much as possible to prevent
the sting of life when in battle. Do you lower yourself to wear such things?
{Jade Tiger looks over at the Iron Bull and barks a few syllables which cause a
menacing grin to cross the behemoth's face.}
I didn't think so. You are a proud warrior, one who does not need any
girlish props to prove you are a man. Ah, my student....you, as well as all the
fans out there will quickly see who the wrestlers are who are consumed with fear.
Pay close attention, look for the cowards who come dressed like they are pretend
samurai! The more they hide behind, the more they are afraid! Their lack of
skills will betray them as they must embrace the cowardly weapons of football.
None of them have the pure tenacity to face you man-to-man.
Who will be the greatest coward? Chris Anderson? The Raw Assassin? Perhaps Dr.
Feelgood, as he has demonstrated in the past that his skills lie not in himself
but in objects. Or maybe it will be the fearsome Samaritan who will choose to
enter the fray dressed like a little girl beneath plastic and padding, afraid
that he will get hurt?! Samaritan, your fear is not misplaced, you will get hurt.
Time will tell. Remember, the true warrior only needs himself to succeed on the
field of battle.
*fade*
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The Hunt for Red October, next Friday on the WB 11, New York's hometown station....
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[V/O]
And now, Pep Boys automotive supplies present the Pep Boys Breakdown of the Week!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(from last week - Bill Curtis vs. Torvald Reikkersen)
Cross: and Icebreaker reeling at the moment, and he steps
outside of the ring...and Curtis in motion..
Lowe: Holy...Face first baseball slide into a SWINGING
DDT TO THE CONCRETE!!!! *first LOUD crowd pop of the
night* That was SWANK!!!! He just grabbed Reikkersen's
head on the way out of the ring, I *cannot* believe
that!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[V/O]
That was the Pep Boys Breakdown of the Week! Pep Boys, with over 5000 locations
in the United States to serve you. Pep Boys..everything but gas.
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Cross: We are back and getting ready for the second
semifinal match....
[PA System] (an old Tex Avery cartoon clip plays on the monitor)
"ANYTHING BUT THAT!!! THAT'S IN=HYOO-MAN!"
(The PA explodes into "Superbeast" by Rob Zombie as the fans are
a lot more appreciative this time around)
Cross: And here come the tournament upset kings, the
team known as Weapons of Last Resort!
Stone: What are you talking aobut, Cross? We saw the
upset kings last match....Retrospection, who
will have to face either this team or Frozen Hell..
and I'm betting on the experience in this factor.
DrS: I hate to tell you this, Stone, but both Turner and
Kensake have more in-ring time than Brad Watkins by
a long-shot...granted, Torvald is a former World
champ, but he's giving up nearly a foot and over
100 lbs to Kensake
Stone: As a wise man once said, it's not the height, and
it's not the size, it's how many times you can make
it rise...and no one has more experience in *THAT*
than the "Icebreaker"
Cross: And we've got these comments from Frozen Hell ready
to go, this was prerecorded shortly after their
match....
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{Back in the lockeroom Frozen Hell is seen talking strategy. "Icebreaker"
Torvald Reikkersen lies on a table getting an incredible rub down by Frieda while
"Bad" Brad Watkins sits nearby talking animatedly. Typically, Reikkersen is cool
as ice as Watkins is quite steamed.}
[Watkins]
....and then they won't know what hit them.
{Watkins spies the camera, stands and calls to them.}
It's about damn time, get in here. Look here, Bert and Ernie...Bill and Opus, or
whatever your freakin' names are. That little movie stunt was a big, big mistake.
Torvald and I were prepared to offer you contracts to be stunt men in the newest
Frozen Hell cinema spectacular, but look at this. (Watkins goes over to his fur
coat on a nearby table, withdraws a piece of paper and rips it up.) There, look
at that, there goes the only future you ever had...all because you decided you
wanted to be funny men. So from here on out you get your butts kicked for spare
EWC change instead of big Hollywood bucks. Who's laughing now, huh? You should
thank your lucky stars Chris Sim saved you two from the worst beating of your l
ives. Next time, funny men, you're going to see why folks say that "Dying is easy,
comedy is hard."
[Reikkersen]
That's right, "Dangerous to Your Own Careers" is a better name for
you, and you're damned lucky we don't sue you for copyright infringment, libel,
slander and just plain bad taste.
[Watkins]
Now, Weapons of Last Resort. You may have caught Murder, Inc. by
surprise but Frozen Hell is a whole other story. You see, just like in
Frozen Hell II when Broderick and Badderman were captured by the
androids you're going to learn the hardway that we don't scare easily,
but we do find a way to win.
[Reikkersen]
You may be the last resort, but I'm the Hammer of the Gods, the weapon
of first resort! The Fury of the Norsemen and the most dangerous
man in the NFL are going to put you on Ice, Baby!
Now run along, we've got a match to prepare for, and you're cutting
into my sauna time.
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*SHORT REPORT MODE ON*
This was probably the one match in the tourney where FH were
at the size *disadvantage*..and they played it to the hilt.
Kensake started off with Watkins and used his size to shrug
off collar and elbow tieups with ease. After a while of this,
Watkins frustratedly tagged in Reikkersen, who offered a handshake.
Kensake took it, Reikkersen with a boot to the gut...which had
no effect on Kensake..in fact, Kensake was still holding onto the
hand...he then proceeded to hit *HARD* Flair chops with his right
hand while still holding on to Reikkersen with his left, yanking
him up everytime the chop knocked him down. This got a *NICE*
pop from the fans...he then tags Turner from behind, hoists
Torvald onto his shoulders, and turns around as Turner is on
the top rope..and Turner hits a tornado DDT with Kensake spinning under him
and falling to add force!! This was an *amazing* move
but only got the two count.
Turner takes over for a bit...Flair chops in the corner (with the
fans going "Whoo" each and every time), sending him to the ropes
hard dropkick that sends Torvald out of the ring. Reikkersen
goes to consult with Frieda, but Turner grabs him by his blonde
hair and pulls him back into the ring over the top rope...Torvald
is hanging there by his feet as Turner holds him up..and throws him
down face first...Torvald bounces back up..takes a couple steps..
and falls down again! Torvald scoots backwards and is on his knees
begging for mercy...allowing Watkins to come in from behind and
football clip Turner in the knee...Torvald immediately is
up and stomping on Turner's leg.
Torvald very quickly started...legdrops to the hurt knee,
a legtwist, tag to Watkins, Watkins with the "padded" knee
to the leg, then again...Watkins dragging Turner out to the
ringpost and ramming the knee into the ringposts....Watkins
back in the ring and distracting referee Wayne Winans while
Torvald locks the Figure Fjord over the ringpost on Turner's
knee. Watkins with a kneebreaker, tag to Torvald, Torvald
with some more kneedrops, then a Dragon Screw (albeit slow)
before Reikkersen gets Turner into the Figure Fjord. Turner
in the hold, but he reaches out and tags Kensake (Kensake has
an *amazing* reach. Watkins in to try and head him off, but
Kensake grabbing Brad and press-slamming him on *top* of
Reikkersen. Four way brawl Watkins tossing Turner out of the
ring, then Watkins nailing Kensake in the back with the loaded
knee...
Cross: And now both men pounding on Kensake in the
center of the ring...and they're getting him
to his knees!!!
DrS: Turner out of it on the outside, as Kensake is
fighting his way back up..OH, low blow with the
kneepad by Watkins..."ICEBREAKER" by Torvald!!
And he had to jump upwards to get this behemoth
down on the mat!!
Stone: It's over....Reikkersen trying to lock on the
Figure Fjord while Watkins goes outside to
fight with Turner.
Cross: He's got the Fjord on tight...got it on those
massive legs of Toshiro Kensa...KENSAKE GOT
HIS HANDS AROUND TORVALD'S THROAT!!!
Stone: No....
Cross: Kensake getting to his feet, dragging Reikkersen
to his feet...CHOKESLAM!!!! Forget about it..
Watkins coming in, pulled out by Turner...and
we've got a 3 count!!!! This is amazing!!!!!!
DrS: And Watkins grabbing a chair...BAM!!! Right across
Turner's head, and Turner is down and down hard...
he's not going near Kensake tho...
Cross: Reikkersen having the presence of mind to roll
outside of the ring, Watkins joining him....
this match took it's toll on both men.
DrS: The only difference being that Kensake and Turner
have one more match to go yet...and between that
chair shot and the number they did on Glenn's leg..
are they going to be ready?
Cross: Fans, the Footbrawl, when we come back!!!