{"The House That Jack Built" by Metallica plays over the speakers, as
Curtis Stone comes down to the ring ... he pauses just as the entrance
aisle ends, kneeling with his arms crossed in front of him, as the
music switches to "Thieves" by Ministry ... he stands up after the
first few lines, and continues onto the ring, grabbing a pair of
mics along the way ...}
[Stone]
Ladies and gentlemen ... and the rest of you hopeless wierdos ...
C-Jack is NOT a happy camper!
(The crowd, being the sympathetic people that they are, boo him)
[Stone]
Hey, listen up, and pipe down! This isn't about YOU ... this is about
a travesty of JUSTICE ... about a mockery of this SPORT ... about a
certain gold belt that BELONGS around C-Jack Stone's waist!
FIRST, I think you'd better check your rulebook, Mr. Referee-man,
because the one mailed out to the cheap seats had page zero against
time-outs in the FootBrawl. So you had NO business getting in my
face about it, let alone practically BLACKMAILING that Harrison guy
into tryin' to take my face off.
But that's not what's important. What's important is that this
sport has been BLEMISHED, possibly without hope of correction. Sure,
the FootBrawl wasn't just about wrestling -- it was MORE than that.
It was about raw, unadulterated, ATHLETICISM! And when you talk
about pure athletes in the EWC, C-Jack's the first on the list! But
thanks to that no-account, masked coward the Samaritan, the TV belt,
whose rightful place lies an inch below my navel, is instead around
the bloated, scarred, out-of-shape belly of a man who is NOT an
athlete at ALL -- a man who is not only a JOKE from a competitive
standpoint, but is morally BANKRUPT! I'm talking about that vicious,
bloodthisty, brain-dead THIEF ... DR. FEELGOOD!
(sizable crowd pop, a small but vocal "He's hardcore" chant starts)
[Stone]
I'm sick ... positively SICK ... that anyone would cheer for that
pile of toxic waste. Feelgood, I don't care that you tried to ruin
the Elite Athlete of the EWC's perfect physique -- you have to
expect that from desperate losers. I don't REALLY care that you've
got MY Television belt around that gut -- I'll get it back sooner
or later. But when you sliced open my face, you didn't even have
the decency to use your own weapon -- you used a can of MY Coors!
NEVER FOOL WITH C-JACK'S BREW! But don't take MY word for it ...
Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... who's been gypped the most of all?
[The video wall once again flares up into the close-up sunglass-
wearing face of a scowling Stone}
["virtual" Stone]
C-Jack was robbed -- that's something everyone knows,
and as far as injustice, just one even comes close.
[Stone]
One comes close? What the -- OH YEAH! You got that right, Mr. Mirror--
you can only be talking about one guy, and I want to hear HIM right
now! Hit the music!
[White Zombie's "El Phantasmo and the Chicken Run Blastorama" comes over the PA
system as a scowling, no nonsense Jon Owens makes his way down the aisle to the
boos of the fans. Stepping into the ring, he takes a mic from Stone.]
[Stone]
Jon, C-Jack may be feeling blue about the 'Brawl, but I gotta think
you're seeing red ... tell these chumps all about it!
[Owens]
Feelgood, as far as you're concerned I'll keep it short and sweet --
you're probably the second luckiest man around here right now. Lucky
in the way you got that title, and lucky in the fact that you aren't
even worth the time or effort it would take me to drop you on your head
and put you out of everyone's misery. If your luck continues, Doc, C-Jack
will send you back to whatever hole you crawled out of before our paths
cross again.
[Stone]
And it's not even my birthday ... but if you're lettin' Dr. Filchgood off the
hook, who did you want to talk about?
[Owens]
Let's talk the Samaritan ... *shakes his head*, not only are you lucky,
not only are you a damn freak with that costume of yours ... you without a doubt
are one of the STUPIDEST opponents I've ever come across. I can accept losing --
especially in a fiasco of a match like the Footbrawl -- but losing to an idiot
that eliminates himself at the same time is something I won't tolerate. So,
Samaritan, you're going to be the first beneficiary of the Jon Owens Tutorial
in Wrestling ... I'm gonna throw you around and stretch your worthless carcass
until you wise up and take a job that's more suitable ... I hear the circus is
in town next month. Feelgood may be Stone's playmate, but you're all mine.
[Stone]
Hey, you can have him. It's like my pop used to say, "Guys who hide faces are
major headcases."
[Owens]
This brings us to the luckiest man in wrestling today, Roker Showtime.
I hope you sent your Canadian friend Sim a thank you note, Showtime ...
since I think he worked harder to put that title around your waist than
you did. You come out and whine about how you've "paid your dues" ...
all that tells me is you're incompetent so you get beat up a lot. I
think that about sums up your career Showtime -- getting by on flukes
and with the help of others, getting beat up, and whining about it.
Your luck will run out soon, though, Showtime -- if George of the Jungle
can't do it, I'm sure someone else will gladly take their shot. You'd better
go back into that wallet of yours Showtime -- if I were you I'd spend some
of that money and make sure a REAL wrestler doesn't get the shot. It wouldn't
make you look good at all.
[Stone]
Now, speaking of looking GOOD ... Owens, I won't say this about a lot of
people, but I respect you. You're almost the athlete I am, and nobody in this
circus is a better pure wrestler. And it seems to me that the jokers trying
to keep C-Jack from the end zone are blockin' you, too ... whaddya say we
pool the two big talents in the EWC together, knock that beer-swilling bandit
down and take back the TV title, send the Samaritan crawling back to Damascus,
and make Roker see that the show's finally over?
[Owens]
*ponders for a few seconds* Stone, I'm not really one for metaphors
or catchphrases. I'm more direct, to the point. Outside of all the
glitz -- I like your style. You are an athlete, and obviously you
have something of a head on your shoulders if you wanna hook up with me.
You also know what it's like to be screwed over by things beyond your control.
So, maybe by watching each others back's ... things will go as they're
supposed to from now on.
{Stone and Owens shake hands, and Stone raises Jon's arm in the air in
a victory gesture, the crowd of course isn't particularly *fond* of this...)
[Stone]
ACES! Look out, world! I'm gonna beat you with savoir-faire and talent
to spare, THIS man's gonna take you out no-discussion-allowed, and
together we're gonna give this league the Power Supply it desperately
needs -- and I'm talking STAR power, not circus acts!
[Owens]
You can say it however you want. I'll just say this: some very
deserving people are in a LOT of trouble.
[Stone]
Are we on the same page, or what? Hey, mirror, mirror, on the wall,
are we the greatest of 'em all?
{The video wall flares up again, into a serious-looking (if still
smug) C-Jack close-up}
["virtual" Stone]
Whether it's C-Jack or Owens, it's known in advance:
Against the Power Supply, you don't stand a chance.
{In the ring, C-Jack grins, and shares some inaudible comments with
Owens before leaving the ringside area....from there "Falling"
by Gravity Kills kicks in)
Stone: Oh boy...some people are going to be in some very
serious trouble..guaranteed.
Cross: Fans, the union of Curtis Stone and Jon Owens...well,
isn't exactly *earth=shaking* news...
Stone: Look, just because it's not Roker up there making
the headlines doesn't mean the EWC doesn't have
a world of problems as a result of this. The Power
Supply have some smackdowns to lay, and it's starting
right now with this yutz.
DrS: Shoji Watanabe on his way to the ring, and this should
be a very interesting contrast in styles. Both men
have wrestled in Japan, Shoji with the shoot-oriented
Battlarts, while Owens' scars came from his tenure in
Futuristic Gladiatoral Wrestling. Both men have a
very physical, submission based style. This should
be a winner.
SHOJI WATANABE vs. JON OWENS
Watanabe hits the ring and they go into a chest to chest staredown..
fairly intense, but referee Gerald Riley gets in between them
and signals for a match start.
Match starts slowly with some tieups...Owens takes Shoji down
with a go-behind takedown, but Shoji rides his way out of it.
Shoji ducks a lunge by Owens and hits a hard kick to the knees
of Owens (right where Owens is wearing his knee brace) Shoji
hits a rolling legsweep and then goes into a standing anklelock
pose. Small *boring* chant starts...Strange comments that
this is more along the style of match seen in Japan.
Shoji managed to play the game of "Keep Jon on his back" pretty
well in the first minute. Owens gets to the ropes, Shoji
backs off and hits a sweep kick to the knee, goes back to working
it. Shoji does this until at one point Owens catches his
leg, kicks out his other leg, then falls on the leg he was holding
*hard*
At this point, Owens took apart the leg...shinbreakers. elbowdrops
to the knee, sitting on the knee as it's draped on the bottom rope.
Owens intensity started to shine here as he slowly, methodically
took Shoji apart. Then it happened.....as Owens picked Shoji up for
a shinbreaker, he instead fell backwards, driving Watanabe's head
right into the mat. Owens then picked him up, Watanabe tried to
fight back with several chops to Owens face. Shoji backed up to the
ropes, then lunged forward with a palm thrust that would have connected hard
if Shoji's leg wasn't already injured....Owens sidesteps
the lunge, hooks Shoji's leg, and lands a fishermanbuster, then
rolls Shoji into an STF. Shoji hung in there, but after about 15
seconds had no choice but to tap out.
###########################################
# WINNER: Jon Owens, via submission 4:35 #
###########################################
Cross: And a very intense Owens getting the duke here...but
he's not done!!!
Stone: He's grabbing Shoji...crossing his arms...straitjacket
suplex!!!
Cross: He calls that the Asylum Suplex, and that just dropped
Shoji right onto his head hard and fast! And now
Owens smiling for what I think is the first time since
he's walked into the federation....absolutely chilling
smile.
DrS: Roker better watch his back...as should Feelgood..
this could get very interesting very quickly.
Cross: Fans, we've got some words from "Bad" Brad Watkins,
after this!!!!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
What drink do the champion snowboarders drink..the same one the non-champs do.
Sprite. - Sister Sister, followed by the Smart Guy,
only on the dubba-dubba-WB - Best Buy records, featuring the newest
by the Offspring.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
[V/O]
And now, Pep Boys automotive supplies present the Pep Boys Breakdown of the Week!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(from Weapons of Last Resort vs. Retrospection, last week)
Cross: Turner across the ring...and now Gentry pulling
Kensake outside as Styles instinctively tosses out
the brass knucks...and Gentry gets them and
hits a hard right on Kensake.
DrS: In ring, Styles is setting up Turner on the ropes..
possible Superplex.....TURNER SHOVES HIM OFF!!
Turner now jumps into SITTING POSITION ON THE ROPES..
Cross: INTO A DOUBLE STOMP RIGHT ON THE CHEST!!!!
Turner with the cover...one...two...GENTRY CAN'T
GET THERE IN TIME!!!! WE HAVE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[V/O]
That was the Pep Boys Breakdown of the Week! Pep Boys, with over 5000 locations
in the United States to serve you. Pep Boys..everything but gas.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Cross: We are back, and folks, we're about to see 1/2
of the tag team Frozen Hell in action as we're
awaiting the arrival of "Bad" Brad Watkins...
{The youngster, Rickey Simons, was already in the ring loosening up
when "I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide" by ZZTop came on and "Bad" Brad Watkins came out
in street clothes carrying a Penn State football helmet. Apparently, Watkins
didn't hear the boos as he waved and smiled to his "fans" while climbing in the ring.}
Cross: Wait...Brad's not dressed to wrestle.
Stone: Maybe he decuide the punk isn't worth his time...
[Watkins] (to Simons):
Hey kid, take a walk, I've got something to say.
{Simons shrugs, leaves the ring and walks to the back}
OK, first off let me apologize to all you fans out there. The
Icebreaker couldn't be here this evening, so you're going to have to
come back next time we're in town to get both our autographs. I know, I know...
Many of you expected to see some big stars like Frozen Hell
tonight but when you're the hottest thing in media you have a lot of
commitments. Just think how lucky you are in that you're getting to see
Brad Watkins....and that is just one of the great surprises Frozen Hell
and EWC are bringing you night in and night out across this country.
(The crowd boos at the very condescending attitude that Watkins is
displaying)
Now. (Watkins holds up the PSU helmet) I spent alot of years wearing
one of these things, and was pretty damn good with it too. And I can
feel the disappointment over that circus last week at the Footbrawl
match because "Bad" Brad wasn't there laying waste to the competitors.
This is time of the year where football is at its best, bowl games, NFL
playoffs...and EWC gave you that?!? Well you see, EWC knew I was a
professional in such matters and didn't want me to show up the other
guys so they wouldn't let me enter. I wanted to, but they told me "Mr.
Watkins, you're too good to be in the Footbrawl match, you'd embarass
the other wrestlers." I begged them to let me save the match, and I'm
sorry that I didn't fight harder.
(BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT)
And now I see why they didn't allow me in there, of course what do you
expect when you get a group of guys who couldn't make it in Pop Warner
trying to act like they know how to lace up a pair of shoulderpads. I
mean, do any of you believe that Dr. Feelgood could have lasted 5
minutes with a superstar like me? It would have been the Outback Bowl
all over again, Feelgood is as inbred as any Kentucky boy ever was and
we all know what happened when Joe Pa took a den of hungry lions down
there. So, I'm sorry all of you fans had to suffer through that match.
I just wanted to let you know that I intend to make it up to each and
every one of you as soon as I...
("Dr Feelgood" comes on over the PA and the fans pop hard)
Cross: As it's been said before, looks like business is about
to pick up. And here he comes, the World's Television
Champion...he wasn't scheduled to be here tonight.
DrS: His injuries last week necessitated a week off, but you
have to know Doc isn't gonna shrug this off.
(Feelgood storms down the ring and hits the ring hard. Watkins rolls
outside with the helmet as referee Mason Crow is attempting to hold
Feelgood back)
[Watkins]
Well, well, well. If it isn't the luckiest man in EWC. Do you
know how close you were to the biggest beating of your life?
[Feelgood]
I know how close I am to laying the smackdown on a roid-addicted
no talent loser like you!
*CROWD POP*
I saw your flick..it wasn't worth the time it took me to tape a
good skin flick over it! Tell you what, "Sad" Brad..why don't
you haul your direct-to-video star ass in this ring and I'll give
you as close a look at the TV title as you're ever gonna want!
*HUGE CROWD POP*
Cross: Did you hear that? We could have a match!! Feelgood's
taking his shirt off.
Stone: Brad's not dressed to wrestle. He's had *no* time to
prepare. This isn't fair.
[Watkins] (backing away):
Uh, hang on. Look, I -uh- don't have my gear.
I've got a photo shoot for Video Monthly tomorrow morning and Access
Hollywood is expected to give me a ring (glancing at his watch) in about a half
hour. Ordinarily, I'd kick your ass...but I've got prior
commitments.
[Feelgood]
I don't believe this!!! I'm offering you a TV Title Shot, and you're
standing there holding the ball...much like the Nittany Lions' quarterback
this year mind you....I read where you were fired from
the Seahawks, not cause of the drugs, but cause you GOT..NO...GUTS!!!
PROVE ME WRONG, "SAD" BRAD!!
DrS: And Feelgood ON HIS KNEES in the ring begging
Brad to come in!
Cross: Brad's on the apron right now...referee telling
him to get in the ring...Feelgood rushing in..
Stone: And WATKINS NAILS HIM WITH THE FOOTBALL HELMET!!!
I *knew* Watkins was trying for a sucker job.
TV TITLE MATCH:
DR. FEELGOOD *champ* vs. BRAD WATKINS
Watkins immediately pressed the initial advantage, nailing Feelgood
with clubbing forearms to the back until Feelgood was on the mat,
followed by a series of stomps. Brad then tore his shirt off and
choked Feelgood with it as Crow laid a *sssllloooowwwww* 4 count
on Brad. Brad then released, then tossed Feelgood over the top
and hung him with the shirt to another sssssllllooooowwww 4 count.
Watkins outside the ring, more stomps to the back of Feelgood.
Watkins attemps an irish whip into the ring steps, but Feelgood
reverseso and sends Watkins *hard* into the ring steps. Feelgood
then picks the ring steps up and *throws* them onto the back of
Brad Watkins!! While they were still on Brad, Feelgood to
the ring apron, and jumps feet first onto the steps, ramming
it further into Brad's back. It was at this point that Torvald
Reikkersen, wearing a winter coat and carrying a Haliburton briefcase,
started heading for the ring.
Back in the ring, Feelgood sends Watkins into the far buckle and
begins the Steve Austin Memorial Beatdown, punching and kicking Brad until
he's flat on his back in the ring. Feelgood then drug Watkins
into the center of the ring...picks him up..and hits a Northern Lights
Bomb in the center of the ring for a 2 count. Feelgood sends Watkins
across the ring to the ropes...big backdrop. Feelgood then smacks
his arm, signaling for the Wrecking Ball....but as Feelgood charged
in, Torvald tripped him, and Feelgood went sailing over the top
rope...but landed on the apron.
Brad clotheslined him off the top, then went outside and tossed him
into anything that moved...steel guardrail, announcers table, you
name it. Watkins tosses him back in, stomps and kicks some more,
then rears back and spears Feelgood hard. Torvald gets a couple of
cheap shots in as Crow backs Watkins up. Watkins picks Feelgood
up for a powerslam and only gets a two count.
Feelgood starts to fight back, eventually getting in a toe to toe brawl
with Mr. Watkins. Watkins tries for a haymaker, but Feelgood comes
down with a low blow, followed by a DDT. Feelgood back up, Reikkersen
is on the apron, Reikkersen gets nailed with a Wrecking Ball and the
Haliburton flies open...and out pops a kneepad that lands in the
hands of Watkins. As Crow went to check on Reikkersen, Watkins
WAFFLES Feelgood with the kneepad, then covers as Crow turns around
for the 1...2....3!
################################################
# WINNER: "Bad" Brad Watkins, via pinfall 5:43 #
# NEW EWC TV CHAMPION!!! #
################################################
Cross: And Watkins using that kneepad of his to garner another
tainted victory...and Feelgood is up and he just
NAILED Watkins with a "Wrecking Ball" Clothesline.
Stone: But Reikkersen is right in the ring...WHACK on
the back with that haliburton!! And now Frozen Hell
is getting medieval on Feelgood, and the doctor is
gonna *need* a doctor in a minute!!!!
Cross: This is absurd....Watkins now setting that helmet of
his up...they're going to spike piledrive Feelgood
on that helmet..NO THEY'RE NOT!!! THE SAMARITAN HITS
THE RING!!! HE JUST CLOTHESLINED TORVALD REIKKERSEN
INTO NEXT WEEK!!!!!!
*CROWD POPAROONIE*
DrS: And Feelgood now backdropping Watkins onto the steel
briefcase, and the Samaritan and the Doctor standing
tall center ring!!!
Stone: The damage has already been done, tho, as we've got
a *NEW* World TV Champion in "Bad" Brad
Cross: Fans, to come in the next hour, Frown vs Dawson,
Cannon vs. Spinelli, and the World Title Match..dnn't
go away...