[We fade in on a small, non-descript, room lit by a rusty candelabrum. We can make out
a shadowy object hanging above a fountain of water that has an unusual reddish tint to
it. As the camera pulls back we find ourselves confronted by our host; Sebastian Sloan.]
[Sloan]
And so my tests begin. The savior has seen to it that before I can begin anew, before
I can start my quest to spread the message of peace and harmony--I must first confront
my past and rectify my sins. I must look through the eyes and into the soul of the
man I once was.
Slayer, you are a confused, lost soul. I tried to stand by your side and desperately
hoped that you would be touched by the spirit and see the error of your ways.
Instead, you chose to ignore the light and surround yourself with the terror and
the fear of ignorance. To you, violence is power, however, you are truly a weak
slave of a perverse ideology. You have one final chance for redemption. Last
week, I hoped to jar you free from the grip of the dark ones. I hope that
forcing you to experience the pain and suffering you preach has educated you
about its futility. When I step into the ring and stand across from you
tonight, know that I act for the right reasons. I do what I must to save your
soul. You must be enlightened.
[Sloan turns back to the melting crimson and black candles as the camera begins to
pull back. Just before fading to black, we see a statue above the fountain.
It is the Slayer, covered in gashes and hanging by his wrists, a red liquid
drips off the figurine and into the water beneath...the water from which Sloan
now drinks.]
[Cut to black.]
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
("Dragula" by Rob Zombie starts to play as the fans boo)
Cross: Welcome back to hour two of Lords of the Ring,
and fans, we've got a showdown brewing here..
Sebastian Sloan on the way to the ring now,
and he's set to face what many consider to be
his arch-rival, "Slayer" Mark Davidson.
Stone: And one thing you have to wonder is that if
Davidson "outing" himself, as it were, will
take any of the edge off of his performance?
Rev. Sloan looked for all the world that there
was to be a redemption tonight..and his redemptions
look painful.
Cross: Regardless of whatever kind of Satanic spew came from
his mouth at any given time ("Devil Man" by White
Zombie kicks in to a sizable crowd pop), the bottom
line of the Slayer is that he was a very big..very
dangerous man...but so is Sebastian Sloan.
SEBASTIAN SLOAN vs. "SLAYER" MARK DAVIDSON
Sloan had entered a weird kind of trance at the beginning before
Davidson entered the ring..and remained in the trance as "Slayer"
just stared at him...until Sloan exploded with a running spear on
the Slayer, knocking him down. Sloan then proceeded like a man
possessed, kicking and punching him with Benoit-esque stiff shots.
Sloan picks Slayer back up by the hair and hits him with five
headbutts in a row, then pulls him by the hair into a short-arm
reverse clothesline. This went on for about four minutes, with
Slayer offering little to nothing in the way of offense.
Cross: And Davidson having no fight in him at this point
as Sloan is *completely* overwhelming him.
Picks slayer up...vertial suplex into a falling
powerslam...and only a two count as Davidson gets
his foot on the ropes.
DrS: And Sloan just completely obliterating Davidson
to this point....I thought he'd be putting up more
of a fight.
Stone: Sloan's got the power of his savior on his side...
there's no way Davidson can stand up to this..look,
Sloan just looking at him..then he looks up and shakes
his head.
Cross: This is slowly turning into a mugging here. Sloan now
grabbing Davidson..and pressing him OVER HIS HEAD...and
now tossing him face first to the concrete floor!!!
DrS: Davidson taking a long time to get up...although he
twisted in a way where his back took the impact rather
than his head...better than nothing, I suppose.
Cross: Sloan running to the other side of the ropes as
Davidson is getting up....flying forearm plancha...
SLAYER DODGES!!!! AND SLOAN WENT HEAD FIRST INTO THE
GUARDRAIL!!!!!!
Stone: Wait a minute...Slayer was getting pounded a second
ago...now he's just standing there..he's bleeding a
little..but he should be unconscious...
DrS: Now Davidson laying a series of boots onto Sloan..
now steps onto a chair and falls back for a HARD
elbowsmash to the outside....Issac, I think Mark
Davidson rope-a-doped Sloan!!! He chose to take a
*big* beating, waiting for this moment!!!
Cross: And now Davidson with a press slam on Sloan, and he
tracheates him on that steel guardrail...now Davidson
grabs the house mike..
[Davidson]
"Sloan, you piece of crap. You had every chance to put me down and out and
couldn't. You should have killed me when you had the chance, now you're a dead man!"
*CROWD POP*
Stone: And now Slayer grabbing Sloan...lifting him up in
a two handed choke..come on, ref, get in there!!!!
Slayer tossed Sloan into the ring apron, then rolled back into
the ring and grabbed Sloan by the hair...forearm smash over the
chest stunned Sloan some more, then Slayer reared back for a
plancha of his own...and he missed his target!!!! This gave Sloan
a much needed chance to recover. Sloan tosses Slayer back
into the ring, then heads in and does a running legdrop to the
back of the Slayer's head. He then ties Slayer to the tree of woe,
hanging him upside down in the opposite buckle, then pulling him
out *by the hair* and tossing him to the mat, causing his head to
bounce off of the mat. Cover, 2 1/2 count. Gets up, goes for a
standing swan dive headbutt, but Slayer ducks out of the way.
Slayer up first, hits a running mafia kick on Sloan...but Sloan
no-sells it....Sloan then slugs Slayer...and he no-sells. The both
of them pound on each other for a solid 20 seconds to no effect..
until Slayer goes south with a low blow, and *that* got Sloan's
attention. A kneelift by Slayer backed Sloan into the corner...
irish whip by Slayer, Sloan bounces out from the corner...right
into a chokeslam by Slayer that had the crowd behind it. Slayer
with a cover for a 2 1/2 count. Slayer calls for the Devil Bomb...
gets Sloan between his legs..and Sloan backdrops him!
Stone: Yes...that's the power and the foresight of the
prophet of the EWC, Sebastian Sloan at work!!!
Cross: And now Sloan grabbing Slayer from behind..sets
up for the bulldog cobra clutch...SLAYER RUNS
BACKWARDS!!!!!
DrS: And he rammed Sloan into the turnbuckle, breaking
the hold...and now Slayer turns around and goes
for a *second* attempt at the Devil Bomb....and
Sloan powers out again...Sloan charges..
Cross: Davidson ducks the charge....Sloan off the other
side..SIDEWALK SLAM by Davidson...and we've got
a cover...one...two...THREE!?!?!?!
DrS: Davidson comes up with that out of nowhere...
referee Winans at the right place at the right time..
################################################
# WINNER: "Slayer" Mark Davidson, via pinfall #
################################################
Stone: And so is Sloan....hard clothesline on Davidson
postmatch...and now he gets Davidson in a powerbomb!
And it looks like the "Slayer" is going to be
enlightened whether he likes it or not!!
Cross: Davidson on Sloan's shoulders.....DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!
And Davidson looks very hurt at this point...Sloan
picks him up again and ANOTHER DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!!!
Now Sloan climbing to the top rope.
DrS: Uh...guys....
Stone: Davidson not looking too good as he's going through
the purification process.
Cross: He's on the top rope now with Davidson, and he's
got him by the throat..
DrS: Guys...HEADS UP!!!
(Sloan picks Slayer up by the throat while standing on the second
turnbuckle and chokeslams him out, causing Davidson to be put through
the announcers table, equipment and all)
Cross: Folks, Stone and Doc are off air at the moment,
and Davidson is unconscious....officials are on
their way down and they're standing between a
downed Davidson and Sloan, who's standing on the
top rope like a conquerer...."Slayer" Mark Davidson
getting the match here...but Sloan the last man
standing. Fans, we'll be back after this!!!!!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Once you pop....you just can't stop. Pringles.....this week, Buffy
says goodbye to Angel...all new Buffy. Then, on Felicity, it's
midterms....the Subaru Outback..the only reason Paul Hogan is still employed.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
(Shot of the backstage area as a cameraman walks back to a
door marked "Fuego")
Cross: We are back, and we're attempting to get some words
with the challenger for tonight's match...wait, what
was that, Mike? Apparently, Fuego is refusing
interviews tonight, and is totally focusing on his
match...but we can definitely hear other voices
coming from the locker room.
Stone: He's gonna need every ounce of his ability tonight
if he's gonna work past whatever screwjob Roker
has planned for him.
DrS: I'd worry more about what Roker can do to him in
the ring, remember, this is a multiple world champion
we're talking a..WHAT THE!?!?!?!?!?
(Camera pans over to none other than Ronnie Frown, who has made his
way to the announcers area..he pulls Strange out of his seat and
grabs a headset for himself. Ronnie's dressed in jeans, a white "Smiley-face"
t-shirt altered by airbrushing in a brick wall over the lower half, a target
sight drawn just over the eyes, and a slogan "Killjoy Was Here". He's also
wearing a matching grey denim jacket.)
Cross: Frown, what are you doing here? You're match against
Happy Dawson is scheduled for right now..shouldn't
you be in the ring?
[Ronnie Frown]
When I'm done saying what I need to say, I'll go, and not before..
and you can do two things...nothing, and like it!
Well, well, well, EWC -- I guess Ronnie Frown got your attention,
huh?
(BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
You folks heard that the Honorable Ms. Jansen has seen fit
to, in her words, welcome me to Finesville. Well, I just got back
from there, and Ronnie Frown has to say, that town sure looks a
LONG way from Caresville.
(BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Down in Caresville, see, there's another guy sitting, thinking
about what happened to him. I'm hoping Dawson'll satisfy my
curiosity ... I'd like to know which hurt more -- the clubbing I
put on that stupid yellow head of his ... or the moment he came
to on that stretcher and realized that his big debut, that golden
shot at the tag team titles, just slipped through his stubby
fingers ...
Yeah, that's gotta hurt. I can imagine how it must twist a man up
inside to see your hope crushed, your dreams smashed, your future
shattered ... not to mention several parts of your skull. And I
can imagine all kinds of things it might make a guy want to do ...
therapy ... lawsuits ... hired guns ... But this Dawson, he must
be even dumber than he looks -- as impossible as that would seem
to the common man -- because what he's choosing to do is put
himself in the ring with me for another round.
Happy Dawson ... DID YOU THINK I WAS PLAYING?!? When a man with
third degree burns goes playing with a blowtorch a week later,
you slap what's left of him in a straitjacket and haul him off
to the looney bin! Maybe you're fooling yourself into thinking
this is a chance for payback, Mr. Dawson, but the final word is,
I get to bust your head open again, and you get to work off my
big scary fines.
Last call, Mr. Dawson: happy hour is OVER -- the barroom is
closed, but the brawl's just about to begin. You get used to
the blood ... get used to the pain ... get used to the shame.
Get used to disappointment.
{He then stomps his way out of the announcer's area and into the
ring as "Stoneface" by Veruca Salt begins to play)
Stone: And here comes Mr. Frown's personal punching bag
now....and Happy looks as stupid as ever with
that dumb-ass mask he has on.
Cross: Actually, I'd call that look terminally upset..
and he has every right to be..a senseless attack
by Ronnie Frown knoced Happy and his partner out
of the tag tournament..and now we don't even
know who his partner is supposed to *be*
DrS: Happy under the ring now and now he's calling for
the ringside mike.
(Happy motions for the mic and tests it a few seconds)
[Happy]
Ronnie Frown... I'm pretty sure I've taken your best shot and I'm not
impressed. I've listened to you spout on about how you are against all
things that make people happy, and I'm rather bored with it. I may not
be the most experienced wrestler in the EWC, but I do know that this has
happened to me before. You see... back in the ECWF, a guy waffled me
over the head with a chair in the middle of the match. His name was
Billy MacIntosh, or as I like to refer to him, Billy 'The Brat' MacIntosh.
Well I kicked his ass all the way out of this sport and that's nothing
compared to what I'm gonna do to your punk ass.
*crowd pop*
(Happy tosses the mic and motions Ronnie Frown to lock up)
RONNIE FROWN vs. HAPPY DAWSON
Frown, however, just lounges in the corner for a few seconds as
referee Ray Chapman makes the signal for the match to begin.
Dawson charges in, but Frown rolls outside and plays the stall
game for a bit...he manages to do this twice, but the third time
Frown eats a baseball slide from behind into the steel guardrail.
Dawson then goes to work, pounding on Frown as he's hanging over
the guardrail, until both men fall into the fans. Dawson's
up first and knife-edges Frown back over the guardrail...but an
attempted springboard splash off of the guardrail misses when
Frown tosses a chair into Dawson's face. Frown then grabs
a hot chocolate from a ringside fan and tosses it into the eyes
and mask of Dawson, telling the fan "This is worth the $30, huh?"
Frown then went over to the denim jacket he had hung up at ringside..
Dawson, his yellow mask now chocolate stained, moved in...only
Frown kicks with a low blow, then sticks a *big* Mr Yuk sticker over
the eyes of Dawson's mask..then tees off with the timekeepers bell
on the head of Dawson. By now the referee has signaled for the double
countout..but this isn't stopping them at all. Frown then takes
a chair, but Dawson responds with a shot to the gut, and then a
DDT right onto the chair. He then takes a moment to remove the mask....
only to reveal a second mask underneath. He then grabs a chair of
his own and starts teeing off on Frown. He gets two solid hits in
until the referee brigade moves in and seperates the two..but it takes some doing.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
ZOT! Cola...when you absolutely need caffeine....catch EWC Wakeup
Call, every Saturday morning at 11 AM on the WB....The Subaru
Outback...made as a sporty car!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
[cut to Gerry "Loose" Cannon pacing back and forth in a locker room
which is filled with EWC and EWF stuff... ]
[Gerry speaks in a remarkably calm and in-control tone of voice]
... It's funny, you know? Our little conclave known as "Beyond Our
Control" has this reputation for being... well... people who don't
wrestle so much as exert chaos upon their opponents... guys like
Retrospection talk about how all we know how to do is hit people with
stuff... [he picks up and tosses away various objects] Like this
trash can... this waffle iron... this lamp... this Electric Youth
Wrestling Buddy - hey! That's valuable now... [stops pacing, still
holding the EY wrestling buddy, and looks at the camera] We do what
we do because we enjoy it, not because we don't know anything else.
[pause, Gerry leans into the camera REAL CLOSE and starts getting
more agitated]
But you know... when the card SAYS "Street Fight"... and the guys who
SIGNED the CONTRACT decide that they're going to BAIL on us... that
makes me just a little ANNOYED, YOU KNOW? Especially when they
REFUSE to FOLLOW THROUGH! So, MISTER Spinelli... SHOW UP! FINISH THE
DAMN MATCH! [calms down again] ... and we'll leave you alone.
[fade out as Gerry rummages some more]
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
FRANK "The Assasin" SPINELLI vs. GERRY "Loose" CANNON
Well, this one degenerated quickly as well. Spinelli came with
Haynes, Cannon with Baen and Shrapnel. Cannon actually tried a
wrestling hold or two, but when Spinelli gained control, that's
it, match was goodbye. Wayne Winans was the ref, and allowed
a little bit of leeway, but not much. The highlight of this
match was Spinelli hitting the switchblade on the outside
on Cannon and Cannon *walloping* Spinelli with the Wrestling Buddy..
which was filled with a 5 lb bag of sand, causing sand to be *EVERYWHERE*
Cannon then yelled "That was worth MONEY you JERK!"
Match end came after an outside the ring exchange between Spinelli
and Cannon...at the nine count, Spinelli ducked in, but Cannon
was tripped by Haynes, causing Spinelli to win the match via
countout. Postmatch, what you would expect happen happened,
as Murder, Inc. and BOC started their standard postmatch brawl....
until.....
[Voice]
OK, this needs to STOP RIGHT NOW!!!!!!
(All parties turn around to see Tara Jansen at the head of the
ramp)
[Jansen]
Look, I can appreciate your situations as much as anyone...but I
will not see this federation turned into your personal warzone
week in and week out. If you four want your hands on each other,
that's great...but it's gonna wait until the PPV.
As all of you may know, EWC's first PPV, SLAMROCK '99, is coming up
on March 14th, out at Penn State University. Here's the deal...
BOC, you just want them to finish the Chicago Street Fight, right?
(BOC nods as the crowd pops)
While Murder, Inc, you contend that these guys are nothing unless
they have weapons.
(BOOOOOOOO as Murder Inc. nods)
OK, then this is what we're going to do. We're gonna have a match
at Slamrock between the two of you. Winner of the match gets
the next World tag title shot on Lords of the Ring after the PPV.
The first 10 minutes of the match will be PURE SCIENCE RULES!
After that, it will become a Chicago Street Fight for the
remainder of the match. Each team will be allowed to pre-load
a garbage can full of stuff that will be wheeled down by technicians
if and when the first 10 minutes are over. BOC, in order to
get your Street Fight, you have to prove for 10 minutes that you're
wrestlers and not brawlers...although I'd put safe money on that happening.
Until then, tho, *none* of you can lay a *finger* on the other, or
all four of you *PLUS* Shrapnel will have a 90 day vacation from the
EWC to think about their next career move. You understand...oh wait,
I'm dealing with mobsters here....CAPICE?!?!?!?!?
(All four nod...none of them look overly happy about the situation,
but they accept it and head back to the locker room)
Cross: CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!?!?!?! We have another match
signed for Slamrock....Murder Inc vs. Beyond Our
Control..only they're going to have to *stay* in
control for at least 10 minutes.
Stone: And there's no way that's gonna happen. Even if they
don't resort to the hardcore brawling, if they're stuck
with just their wrestling ability, Murder Inc's gonna
pin them in under 10 minutes anyways!!!
Cross: Folks, our main event is next...don't you *dare*
miss it!!!!!!!!