LORDS of the RING Week 6 TV Report Coming from the Pyramid in Memphis, TN This is a mix of my thoughts and a little bit of transcripts, since I had to tape the show this week, and some of the comments were entertaining. Show opens with the usual intro, then "Fuego's gonna kill you" barks over the PA system and Fuego comes out...Isaac Cross, Vanessa Stone and Dr. Anthony Strange commentating, Cross notes that this is Match 4 in the best of 5 series between Fuego and Sim, Strange saying that it's do or die for Fuego tonight....no one on the panel seems to know the match stips for this one. Fuego's in the ring waiting...when Commisioner Tara Jansen walks down to ringside.... *begin transcription* Cross: Does this mean Commisioner Jansen's going to introduce the stips for this match? Stone: I'm not sure what this means...but whatever it means, Chris Sim's about to get screwed. He was taken to the hospital right alongside Ernie Grendel after last weeks North American title defense, and he's in no shape to fight Fuego DrS: It doesn't matter, it's part of the contract.. Slamrock is two days away, and Match 5..if there is a match 5..is scheduled for it...which means Match Four must happen tonight. Cross: Tara Jansen has the microphone, lets here what she has to say. [Jansen] Fans, I'm sorry to have to do this, Fuego, I'm sorry, but there is no match 4 tonight.....I'll let Mr. Sim explain.... (The video screen flickers on as a picture of the "Canadian Sensation" Chris Sim being rubbed down on a massage table, although it is not clear by who as all we can see is some woman's arms, comes onto the screen. There is a caption saying "LIVE" on the bottom of the screen) [Sim] Sorry I can't be there so you can see me in person, folks. And I know how crushed you must be ... (The crowd begins to chant "shut it off, shut it off") ... so thats why I decided to give you the next best thing. Ladies I know you all want to see me on the big screen wearing only a towel. (Some ladies in the crowd begin to cheer, as most of the crowd jeers) That's what you want, so thats what you get because OH YESSSSSS Chris Sim gives every lady what she wants! (Sim laughs a bit, smiles and winks at the camera to a good sized pop from the ladies, and a little laughter from USeW fans in the crowd) Now that it is crystal clear that the North American champ gives the people what they want, and oh how I know you all want to see Fuego, Sim part five ... *Crowd Pop* ... but you see if I showed up today for my match against Fuegy, we all know that wouldn't happen, 'cause i'd destroy Fuegy in a matter of minutes, even with a stiff neck. (On the screen Sim rolls his neck and you can see him wince a bit, but he does a pretty good job covering it up, while the crowd responds with a "Fuego's gonna kill you chant". Fuego, of course, is livid at this...) Cross: So the reports of Sim's injuries were true... insiders at the hospital stated the strain on Sim's neck was severe enough that he was told to take time off until the PPV. So being the man that I am, the one who gives you what you want, i'll take today off. Which means Fuegy I guess you technically win this match and we'll have match five at Slamrock. (Some of the crowd pop, other parts of the crowd boo intensely seeing as there will be no match four) ##################################### # WINNER: Fuego, via forefeit 0:00 # ##################################### [Sim] Notice Fuegy that I said you win, not that you beat me, as those are two *very* different things. Plus, we all still know that no one, and I mean no one can beat the "Canadian Sensation". I proved it last week against Grendel, and i'll prove it again at Slamrock. *BOOOOOOOOO* Fuegy, I won't blame you if you walk away from that match either, I wouldn't be happy about it, but I wouldn't blame you one bit. You see since I personally put Grendel on the shelf for six weeks ... (So starts the manditory "Bullshit" chant) Stone: He most certainly did, Grendel's *still* in the hospital from the shots he took from Sim... that "Crosshairs" off the stage with the ladder.. DrS: I think the post-match interjection by Chris Monroe and Siouxnami had a little more to do with Grendel being on the shelf than Sim did! ... no one has wanted to step in the ring with me, and now that *everyone* knows how dangerous the crosshairs are, nobody wants to get in my sights. For some odd reason people seemed to fear Grendel but the Sensational One proved beyond a shadow of a doubt what everyone should've known, that a great wrestler, and someone with some brains can beat a maniac any day of the week! As well anyone that claim they can take any amount of punishment just turn out to be cream puffs. I mean you shouldn't have to take any punishment if you have the skill, why do you think I always look soooooo good? Cross: Yeah, he looks *really* good with that neckbrace on, I tell you. Stone: The poor thing has to be in so much pain right now.. I'll rub Chris down anytime he wants me to. Now, this isn't directed *just* at Ern, but I assume that you wouldn't b e able to tell this Fuegy, so i'm letting you know. So, this being the case, Fuegy I figure that you might need a little incentive to get into the ring with me, I realize that you have the World Title, but everyone wants a little more gold, so to get you in the ring this is what i'll do, i'm going to put my North American title on the line. *Big Crowd Pop* DrS: Big deal, we knew that from day one. And Fuego since this is your worst nightmare, and hasn't that come true as I see you shaking in your boots anytime i'm near, you can't hide your fear from me Fuegy. I get to choose the stips for this match so what shall it be Fuegy? Wait a second why am I asking you, what you say doesn't matter! Fuegy, this is what its going to be, No DQ, No countout, No interference, naturally, but here's the thing, No *pinfall* ... (The crowd is stunned by this statement) You see there isn't going to be any pinfalls because the belt is going to be suspended fifteen feet above the ring ... (some of the crowd pops) ... and there is going to be this thing in the middle of the ring called a ladder ... *CROWD POP* ... and the first one to climb that ladder and grab MY North American title belt will officially win the match! But, of course there is more, I still have a surprise for you Fuegy but that's for Slamrock, and Roker this may come as a surprise to you, but I also have a surprise for you come Slamrock. Now, i'm tired of talking to you, so its back to my massage. That's great Angel-Ah, just a little lower ... (With that the screen goes black.) Cross: Wow, BIG announcement from Sim there, Match 5 is a LADDER match.. DrS: Fuego's not happy, he grabs his World belt and leaves the ring. [Jansen] WAAAAAIT a minute, Fuego, I'm not done yet. (Crowd gasps as Fuego jerks back into the ring and starts to glare at the commisioner) Since your dance card has suddenly been freed, I guess now's as good a time as any to tell you about this...you have another match tonight. (*CROWD POP*...Fuego looks puzzled, then a little annoyed) You see, because of your busy schedule, you've been unable to take care of a rematch that you've had due for awhile for that World title. A rematch against one Roker...Showtime. *CROWD POPAROONIE* Add to that the fact that in the initial contract, it stated that Roker would receive that rematch prior to Slamrock. And, since the card is only two days away, I guess that means the title match has to happen here tonight. (The crowd likes the idea...big time. Fuego scowls a little but nods, says "Fine", and starts to leave again...he gets halfway up the aisle when...) [Jansen] Uh, Fuego, hold on a minute....not done yet. (Fuego whips around and shoots her a glare that could freeze steel) [Jansen] There's been a special referee assigned to the match....you probably know of him...his name's Barry Bromowitz... (Crowd pop again, only this time Fuego is rather livid..he heads back towards the ring and rolls in to stare Jansen down, but she doesn't budge) [Jansen] Look, this was all signed and sealed weeks ago...you haven't been around to check much, so don't blame me. That's why the match is regulation instead of the marathon match you asked for... the mandatory rematch is under normal federation rules. You wanna fight Roker in a marathon match? Fine...but you do it after you deal with your commitments, and right now, they consist of that mandatory rematch with Roker *and* your match with Sim at Slamrock. SO.*stares right into Fuego's eyes*...you gonna kill me now? (Fuego stares at her with a look that could pierce steel...but simply spikes the microphone and walks away as "Rusty Cage" plays. Jansen lets out a baited breath before heading back as well.) *end transcription* from there, the announcers talk about the Roker/Fuego rematch... Stone points to the whole legalities behind the signing of the match as Roker pulling more backstage weight...and *especially* with Bromowitz refereeing, Roker's good as got the gold back tonight. They also talk about the return of Asylum and show the clip of Siouxnami and Chris Monroe pulverizing Ernie Grendel into the pavement. MATCH 1: SHOJI WATANABE vs. CHRIS ANDERSON As they talk, "Falling" by Gravity Kills plays and Shoji comes down wearing his Grapplarts jacket and slapping the hands of the few fans that offer...they cut to this promo by Chris Anderson. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ (Cut to a black screen that slowly dissolves into the EWC logo. The logo pulls back, splits, and pulls apart, to show Chris Anderson in the EWC soundstage. He is wearing his normal wrestling gear, full-length black pants with a thick red stripe down the leg, and is currently adjusting his wrist tape. He looks up, into the camera.) [Anderson] You know, I've been all around the World. I've been in the opening match at the Tokyo Dome. I've been in the main event in Mexico. I've wrestled in front of a capacity crowd in Japan, going damn near 30 minutes with the Great Phoenix, and winning. I've wrestled in a garage somewhere in Sheffield, going up against Dutch Snider in front of 30 drunken Brits. But in the end, what it all boils down to is this: I've wrestled. And Watanabe, you're good. I've seen some of your matches. You're good. But I'm just as good. In fact, I'm better. So Watanabe, I respect you as a wrestler. I respect you as a person. But I'm also going to beat you, as a wrestler. (With that, Anderson makes the last corrections to his wrist tape, and walks off-screen. The EWC logo comes back in, joins up, and flies into the screen, as we cut to the ring.) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ The match is very textbook...Cross talks extensively about both mens' experience in the Puroresu style of wrestling. Both men indeed wrestle a submission-style match, with Watanabe working on the right arm of Anderson using armdrags, twists, and quick strikes, and Anderson working on the neck, specifically with a wicked looking top-rope neckbreaker. The finish comes after a *wicked* kick flurry by Watanabe stuns Anderson...Anderson charges in, Watanabe goes for a shotay (palm thrust), Anderson ducks it, goes into the belly-to-back setup for the backdriver suplex, but when he goes up, Watanable flips over and lands on his feet..and Anderson turns *RIGHT* into a Shotay that drops him to the mat. From there, Watanabe locks on the Cross Arm Breaker (which is called the Jujigatame) and Anderson taps out in short order. ############################################### # WINNER: Shoji Watanabe, by submission 6:32 # ############################################### They take a break, when they come back, Fuego is power walking through the backstage area, and busts into the "green room"...Roker, Barry Bromowitz, and several others are in the room. Fuego walks right up to Roker..several wresters move forward but Roker waves them off.... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ [Fuego] So Showtime, here's your big chance. And isn't it ironic that the stipulations were changed to help you out. I don't know how you did it but five minutes ago I was told that our match tonight is a one fall contest and NOT and iron man match. And to add to it all I get Bromowitz as a referee--someone who has everything to gain by seeing you wear that belt at Slamrock. How come I have a feeling that you've known this all along? Apparently somebody back there doesn't want you to get hurt...certain people want you to be able to steal this title with luck. Fine. Try your hardest--but it's not going to be good enough. For the record Showtime, you make me sick. (turns) And Bromowitz...call it down the line and I'll pretend you're not here--screw with me and...FUEGO'S GONNA KILL YOU! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Announcers are confused, as they felt Tara explained why the match was changed...they didn't have much else to say because.... [Cut to the stage where something sits under a large sheet.] [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen... please welcome SWA Hall of Famer.... Calamity Jane Manson! [A pretty warm reception from Jane who comes out and waves to the crowd a little before addressing the crowd.] [CJM] You know, today was supposed to be a pretty happy day today because you see, I have an important announcement to make about a title situation, but unfortunately I had two disappointing bits of news this past week.... First off, I was made aware that I appeared on Playboy.com this week... and no it's not what you think. You see, I got mentioned in an article... you know, those things everyone supposedly reads in those magazine. And while I would think that's some great publicity for me... they referred to me as "a chick wrestler." I know that's pretty surprising that a magazine so sensative to the feelings of women would use such a term.... I would just like to let the people at playboy.com that I am not a "chick" wrestler.... I prefer the more pc term of WRESTLING BROAD! *Crowd pop, especially from the older fans who fondly remember Jane* Second, Ernie Grendel got hurt pretty bad last week. Because you see, at Cut'n'Shoot, we're just not a school, we're a bit like a family. And while I should be threatening Chris Sim with servere beating in the near future... I can't really be mad at him. Because Chris Sim, even though your match last week was more psychoticly sound than psychologically sound... you did beat Ern fair and square. However, Chris Monroe and Siouxnami, you seem to have crawled out from that rock you were hiding under a little too soon my tastes. You see my friends, we're not the right people to jump on because when we take the gloves off... people get hurt... things get broken... and most of the time... those things and those people... ARE GOING TO BE YOU! But you see, since this isn't my fight, I will move onto the business at hand... You see, now-a-days, a lot of people are trying to live up to a lot of buzz words. You see, today everyone's trying to be "Hardcore" and "Extreme". I don't want to say those words because if you have to say you are... then you're not... but EWC, in their infinite wisdom, decided they wanted to start a division which was based upon a certain style of wrestling that myself and a few friends of mine were doing before it because "cool". What better people to talk to about starting that kind of division? So tonight, I am here to announce the start of the Cut 'n Shoot Heritage Championship Tournament... (Jane pulls the sheet off to reveal a beat up wagon wheel which appears to have several things written on the spokes.) [CJM] In the coming weeks, EWC will be running tournament matches to determine a new champion... all of them with a little spin on them... (Jane spins the wheel) Each round, someone's fate is determine by a spin of the wheel. It could be a cage, it could be a bull rope match it could be a.... (the wheel stops) PURE SCIENCE MATCH?!?!?!?! (Jane rips the spoke off the wheel and throws it into the crowd) THEY'LL BE NONE OF THAT! *CROWD POP* Ahem... now that we've gotten that technical glitch out of the way... whichever two wrestlers who survive to the end... we'll see you in that little suburb of Cut 'n S hoot... Houston, Texas in a special little match to crown the first champion. What's the match? Well... just worry about making it there first.... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Jane leaves to an immense crowd pop....they cut to a commercial. When they come back. MATCH 2: Damien Omega vs. "Nuclear" Nick Duncan Firstly, some words from Mr. Duncan: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ [Cut to the locker room where "Nuclear" Nick Duncan stands by.] [NND] Damien Omega... Mr. IeWS World Heavyweight Champion. I'm sure that's a pretty big deal... if IeWS wasn't D-E-A-D for over a year. I'm not sure what hot dog cart you were working on since then, but you want to make a name for yourself waving around a belt from a dead federation, that's fine and dandy. But when you get in the ring with me and throw you around like a rag doll, you're gonna be exposed as just another has-been in this business. [End tape.] ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Duncan comes down to "Fuel" by Metallica (what's with all these Metallica songs, jeez...it's like NIN a couple years ago) and is generally belligerent enough that the fans take the cue to boo him. Conversely, "Slave to the Grind" by Skid Row comes on and the fans warm up a little more to Mr. Omega...who comes down and mouths to the camera "Reikkersen, where's *my* belt?" The match itself is fairly unremarkable, and somewhat back and forth...both men are technicians, so there's a lot of reversals in the beginning and a ton of suplexes towards the middle. Duncan is shown off more here, using an array of suplexes and submission holds to wear Omega down. The turning point came at around the 9 minute mark when Omega reverses a Duncan irish whip and Duncan collides with the referee. Duncan bounces back right into an enziguri by Omega. Omega then sets up for the "End Game" Nagata Lock when Dr. Destructo comes in with the IeWS title...the most recent version (Destructo, according to Strange, was the last person to hold the title) and wallops Omega from behind with it, then piledrives him into the belt. Duncan comes to, sees an unconscious Omega (Destructo was long gone by then), and picks Omega up, executes a locomotion underhook suplex (called the Chain Reaction) and gets the easy 3 once referee Mason Crow comes back in. ################################################## # WINNER: "Nuclear" Nick Duncan, by pinfall 9:53 # ################################################## Commercial break. When we return, Tara is heading towards the ring again..this time carrying a championship belt. She comes into the ring and takes the microphone. [Jansen] OK, I'm not happy about having to do this in this way, but I really have no choice in the matter. I need Bill Curtis to come out here for a few minutes. (The crowd waits along with Jansen...until "Helter Skelter" by the Beatles plays on the PA and Curtis heads to the ring. Cross points out that he's using Calamity Jane's old ring music now....while Strange points out that it's the same music Charles Manson listened to before his killing spree. Bill isn't in the best of moods but gets into the ring and stands in front of Tara) [Jansen] As you all know, we've been having the tournament rounds between 8 of this federation's top light heavyweights to determine a World Light-Heavyweight champion. Now last week, Happy Dawson and Zach Rierson went to a draw, which eliminated both men...Also, Militar de Furia and Sidi al Nassir went to a double countout, also eliminating both men. WHICH WOULD HAVE MEANT that Slamrock would have featured, as the finals, Bill Curtis vs. Ernie Grendel. *Crowd pop at the thought of it, but most know where this is going* Now, due to the fact that Ernie is out of commission for the next 4-6 weeks, he will be unable to make it to that match, either tonight or at Slamrock. Therefore, I have no choice but to declare Bill Curtis the winner of that final match via forefeit, and to declare Bill Curtis to be the new EWC World Light Heavyweight Champion. (The fans are pleased at Bill having the title but aren't overly happy about the turn of events) [Jansen] *handing the title to Curtis* Mr. Curtis, congratulations. I know you and I both wish this had happened under better circumstances, but nevertheless, you are the new champion. Any words for the people? [Curtis takes the belt, looks at it, then holds it up for the crowd's approval. He then takes the microphone.] [Bill Curtis] Ok, time for me to do my Chris Sim impression and hog the microphone for a little while. Unlike Chris Sim though, I don't think anyone is gonna try and take it away from me. *CROWD POP* As everyone knows, I trained to be a wrestler in Cut n Shoot, Texas. You have to be a little sick in the head to want to do that. You have to be even sicker in the head to survive it. Those of us that do survive tend to have a strong sense of loyalty, to the school, to the philosophy, and to each other. Last week, my amigo Ernie Grendel - another survivor of the Cut n Shoot educational system - was taken out by an old friend of mine *rolls eyes*, Chris Monroe. *The heat in the arena at this point is startlingly powerful for such a new face to the EWC scene* Now, taking Ern out is bad enough ... but he and I were gonna face off in the ring for this title *holds up the belt*. You know how long I've been wanting that match Monroe? I was practically drooling over it man ... I wanted it so bad it hurt. Herbie, I'm sorry to hear dental school didn't work out for you. Really, I am. What I don't get is why you wanna make a statement with Ernie .. I mean, Ernie is only the second most psychotic wrestler in the EWC today. More importantly, he's a friend of the FIRST most psychotic wrestler in the EWC. *starts to raise his voice* Don't you remember me from EWHell, er, EWF Herbie?!? Remember me putting Mikey Whitebread into a wheelchair, mainly 'cause he caught me on a bad day?!? Remember me running around with a flaming branding iron looking for Mark Anthony?!? Hell, a ssuming you know how to work a vcr, remember my matches with Anthony all through Pennsylvania a couple years back?!?! *Crowd pop* I'd get the tapes Herbie. That'll show you what you're in for. If you're smart, you'll apologize, give us a nice fruit basket or something, then you and your little Native American friends will go on your merry way. Right now though ... you've pissed off the wrong people. See, the Powers That Be have managed to stop me from going after you with a shotgun by promising me a match with you at Slamrock. *Pop-wop-a-loo-bop* Plus, I get to pick the stips ... so, we'll do it Cut n Shoot style. Falls count anywhere. No disqualifications. We'll even give it a little random feel by thowing in the Wagon Wheel o' Doom. To make it even more interesting we'll put the title on the line. It doesn't matter right now Herbie ... even if I lose the belt, I'm getting your blood in return. Get those tapes, Herbie. Study study study. *pauses, tries to remember something* Oh yeah, Torvy - we aren't done yet either, but *YOU* I get a piece of tonight .. and I'm not happy tonight. (Curtis spikes the microphone as "Helter Skelter" starts up again, and we go to a commercial)