MATCH #3: NO HOLDS BARRED - Dr. Feelgood vs. "Bad" Brad Watkins
Back to the lockeroom for this:
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{Back in the lockeroom a boombox plays the Eagles' "Heartache Tonight" as "Bad"
Brad Watkins causes a roll of athletic tape to *screeech* with each pull as he
tapes his wrists. Watkins is intense as he methodically goes through a ritual
which harkens back to his Penn State playing days. Under each eye rests a black
band of grease that many years ago would have been used to cut the glare, tonight
it can only mean serious business is at hand. With cat-like agility Watkins jumps
to his feet, gives a primitive howl and drops to one knee for a quick prayer.
Upon completing this, he turns his attention to the camera.}
[Watkins]
Feelgood, it's you and me in a No Holds Barred fight. It's not a
match, it's not a disagreement, it is a fight - pure and simple. Yeah, I lost
to Byron but what nobody saw or heard was the reason. I saw you there,
Section L, row 17, seat 8 looking so smug. All it took was a laser pointer
to distract me and it was over. If not for my incredible conditioning I
could have been blinded. You cost me the TV Title! When you're a big
star like I am, you can overlook a lot. But jealously is unforgiveable,
especially when you did it in a cowardly way.
{Watkins gestures toward the boombox.}
Just like the song says "Somebody's gonna hurt someone, before the night is
through." Feelgood, you're going to get a firsthand introduction to the "Bad"
in Brad. It will be a pleasure to show you some of those things that got me
suspended back in '87.
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Watkins out first to "I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide" by ZZ Top to
a chorus of boos...I get the feeling this is going to be a
preview match between two of the leading contenders for the
CnS title. Watkins gets in the ring, "Dr. Feelgood" starts to
play and Feelgood bolts down to the ring, Bertha the baseball
bat in hand, and charges Watkins to start. Watkins plants a boot
into Feegood's gut, followed by a right cross that causes Doc to drop the bat.
This match is basically a slugfest, pure and simple...referee
Ray Chapman, aka "The Reverend", was frustrated as all he could really do
is stand there and make 3 counts. Some of the better
spots in the match..
-Feelgood does an atomic drop, crotching Watkins on the top.
He then rears back and hits a Wrecking Ball clothesline
sending Watkins to the floor hard in a sickening thud.
-As Feelgood is getting ready to DDT Watkins through a
table, Watkins bites Feelgood's bicep, then slides out
and does a "true" Uranage chokeslam (swinging Feelgood
around before coming down, rather than the straight down
"Rock Bottom") through a ringside table.
-Feelgood.....yes, FEELGOOD...hits a plancha to the
outside.
The end came when Feelgood tried for a "Wrecking Ball", but Brad
ducked and buried a loaded kneepad right into Feelgood's family
jewels. He then rolls outside, grabs Feelgood's legs (straddling
the steel ringpost), and falls back, crotching him again, with Feelgood
face down on the canvas. Watkins then pulls the tape off of his wrists
and hands and wraps Feelgood's ankles together around the pole tightly,
so Feelgood can't get up. Watkins casually takes
Bertha, comes into the ring, and waffles Feelgood's head, back, shoulders,
you name it, until Feelgood is no longer moving. Watkins
then rolls back out, frees him, pulls him to center ring, and
screams at the referee to make the count. The referee has no choice
but to count to three, as this was a no holds barred match.
#################################################
# WINNER: "Bad" Brad Watkins, by pinfall 12:32 #
#################################################
The announcers are basically stunned at the brutality of Brad here...Feelgood
is taken out on a stretcher.
They go to a commercial, then come back into this interesting bit...
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("Invincible" by Pat Benetar fades onto the PA and for a brief moment the
crowd stands up in confused excitement--it is quickly muted when they see
the curtains part only to reveal Brian Styles and Jason Gentry--Styles is
wearing a cowboy hat and robber's mask and Gentry a classic Godzilla rubber
mask. They head to the ring, taking time to thrust their crotches at some
women, and then to bump chests. They enter the ring, and take two mics.)
[BS]
First off, we just got done watching the end of Purple Rain and all I can
say is that Prince...CLASSIC, just like us. Now, before all of you pieces
of freakish, strange accented, trash get your hand-me-down panties in a
knot I know we've got to explain just why we're depriving each and everyone
of you a look at our beautiful faces.
[JG]
It's pretty simple. We're here to show the champs just how inane their
little gimmicks are. The two of you are supposed to be representing the
greatest tag team division in pro-wrestling and you've assumed the roles
of lame archetypes of the 60's and 70's--What gives!?!
[BS]
We've got the wannabe star of a Clint Eastwood spaghetti western and
freaking-Godzilla carrying those straps. There are two problems with this.
(to someone in the front row) Yeah two, that number after the amount of
brain cells you have! ONE, we're wrestlers--not entertainers, not performers,
we're supposed to win with athletic prowess and amaze with our bodies and
minds--gimmicks are for no-talents.
[JG]
(Flexing) That's why we're so great-- (pointing to his abs) these are
real...come cop a feel. TWO, if you need a gimmick, have some taste
and pick something from the right decade, the ONLY decade, the 80's.
You'd get more props for coming out dressed like Inky, Blinky, &
Clyde---even Zartan & Destro would be a step in the right direction.
Anything...just pick the right time period to rip off.
[BS]
Enough for the free fashion tips--let's talk business. At Slamrock,
there's not going to be any flying--no fire, no cages, just four men a
round a ring, WRESTLING, to be the tag team champions of the world.
[JG]
I know that sounds scary to you two--and it should. We'll be like the
US stormin' Nicaragua---you won't see us coming and you'll never have a
chance of stopping us.
[BS]
So to all our fans out there--rest easy. Before you know it those tag
titles will be wrapped around the best looking duo in wrestling today.
[JG]
At Slamrock there's only going to be one thing to say--as Olivia Newton
John put it so nicely, LET'S GET PHYSICAL!!!
(Retrospection tosses the two masks towards the runway and then do the
Top Gun high five into a low five before heading to the back).
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MATCH 4: Bill Curtis vs. Torvald Reikkersen
Curtis out first to "Helter Skelter"...*perfect* theme music for him,
BTW...and gets into the ring. He still looks as upset as he
did before things got going. Reikkersen out with Frieda and Famke,
the Swedish Blonde of the Week. Bell rings, Reikkersen is still
taking his robe off...and Curtis blindsides him with a dropkick,
sending him over the ropes...Reikkersen comes to his feet, he's
tangled in his robe..BASEBALL SLIDE TORNADO DDT BY CURTIS!!!!!
Cross is in hype mode for this one...basically calling Curtis a
force of nature.
Reikkersen gets a *little* offense in...he counters Curtis'
twisting moonsault legdrop by getting his foot in Curtis' family
jewels on the way down *well timed* and hitting a couple illegal
shots...but for the most part this brief match was *ALL* Curtis.
Torvald tried for a suplex, but Curtis fell behind him and hit
a reverse DDT. Curtis to the top rope as Reikkersen got up...
"Round Up" Twisting Sommersault leg driver DDT!!! That got Brad
Watkins heading to the ring...as well as a chairshot to Brad
from behind by "Crazy" Jay Gillette, who was running interference
for Curtis. Curtis set the dazed Reikkersen up on the top
rope, and hit a double-underhook tornado DDT for the 3 count.
It was, hands down, the most dominant that Curtis has looked in
years.
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# WINNER: Bill Curtis, by pinfall 3:12 #
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Postmatch, Watkins (who got past Gillette by whacking him with
the loaded kneepad) climbed the ropes to nail Curtis from
behind...Curtis turns around, shakes the ropes so that Watkins
crotches himself, then hits the Sunset Flip Powerbomb to the outside
right *THROUGH* the announcers table. Sparks are flying as Curtis
gets up from it, checks on Jay, and heads back to "Helter Skelter"
as the fans are going absolutely nuts. Cross makes the point that
Curtis just took out Frozen Hell by himself...Strange notes that these
are the kinds of things that happen when Curtis is upset about something.
They take another commercial, and then:
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[The calm of the crowd comes to an abrupt end when the once forgotten but
all too familiar opening beats of Cypress Hill's "Insane in the Brain"
explode onto the PA. Any fans with a memory are quick to respond with
some sick heat. Out from the back step Chris Monroe (wearing warm-up
pants with his hair as frizzy and wild as ever) flanked on both sides
by Sitting Bull & Crazy Horse--Siouxnami. They duck garbage and jaw
with a few fans before stepping into the ring. The announcers are going
on and on about why did they target Grendel when they came back]
[Monroe]
All week I've been hearing things. There've been all these voices in my
head and they keep asking all these questions. Why Chris? What did Ernie
Grendel ever do? Do you really need to keep kicking the toaster? Where
have you been? Crap, you'd think I'd agreed to a fireside chat with
Barbara Walters or something. It has just been way too intense for
someone just trying to put his legs up and kick back. It's just like
Doc Shinn warned me when I finally left Oregon for Illinois. "Chris,"
he said, in that great tone he likes to use, "a lot of people out there
are going to try to push your buttons -- shut them out, stop hurting the
puppies and, above all else, stay focused."
The months and years of therapy and treatment I received; they paid off.
And now, since I'm gonna act like the fat man from up north come to visit
in the spring, they're going to pay off for each and every one of you too.
I was given a label...I was called insane, a nut job, a wacko, the man
in the padded room--well you know what? I was never, EVER sick...the
people who labeled me were. All the shock treatment, the prodding,
the paint splotches, the little orange pills -- unneccesary -- I
didn't need ANY of it. Why!?!
BECAUSE I WAS SANE ALL ALONG!!!
(As Monroe stops suddenly to stare at his palms and wipe the froth
from his mouth, Siouxnami nod their heads in agreement--it's the first
time the big men have moved. The fans, of course, have the
"BULL-SHIT" machine running by now, with a very vocal section
chanting "ER-NIE")
[Monroe]
Now where was I? Not the pelican people...uhm...got it...as I was
saying I am, and always have been, 100%, Grade-A, SANE. I'm still
adjusting to my new surroundings, breaking in the new couch, checkin'
out the local ladies--so my full seminar is gonna have to wait for
another night. But just to wet your taste buds I'll let you in
one two things.
One, we did not intend to hurt Ernie Grendel--poor guy just happened
to be an unfortunate victim in our first outing to help all of you.
We feel terrible for all the pain we might have caused you. That's
why Crazy and Sitting here just mailed you a brand new edition of
scrabble to help you pass the time in bed. Enjoy!
*BOOOOOO*
Two, there is one man I do have a message for and that man is Bill
Curtis. Billy Boy, Bubbaloo, you need help and you need it as soon
as possible. You're obviously a very sick, unstable man. First you
hid behind a mask and played with dangerous objects, then you had
delusions of being a Mexican action star, and every day you fly
around the ring without ever thinking about this risks you're taking.
Well Bill, today's your lucky day because at Slamrock I'm going to
help you on your first step to a full recovery. We've got ourselves
a an appointment, inside a ring, with a simple wheel to play with.
Until then BC, just hang in there, help is on
its way. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your time.
[Monroe puts the mic down as "Insane in the Brain" starts back
up--Siouxnami hold the ropes open for him, he steps out, and the
trio make their exit to the back ignoring the deafening jeers of the crowd.]
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The announcers note that maybe this is what Monroe wanted all
along...some payback, with a shot at the LH title to boot. Strange
predicted that if Curtis is in the mood he was in tonight at
Slamrock, Monroe better *get* insane fast if he has a prayer of survival.
They take a commercial.