MATCH #3: ERNIE GRENDEL v. Neil Nerdlinger %*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%* [PA System] "Let's get crazy." (Seal's "Crazy" came up on the PA as Ernie Grendel limped his way out to the ring on crutches, his neck in a brace and his hair falling into his face, hiding his expression. He stumped to ringside and scored a microphone from an attendant.) [NOTE: Both announcers are wondering what's up with the crutches and neckbrace, as last week he was just fine] [Ernie] [quietly] Cut the music. (Obligingly, the music cut off and the lights came up around ringside.) [Ernie] [again, quietly] Folks. Let's face facts. I've been royally stomped. I've got pins in me. I've had splints, braces, and wraps on some part of my body since I started this mess 3 years ago. I've been beat on by TR Parker, Fuego, Sim, McIntosh.. heck, pick anybody in the SWA who works singles and I'll wager they've had their hands on me. (The crowd didn't really know what to make of this as Ernie hobbled his way up the ring stairs, continuing...) [Ernie] It seems that any time someone wants to make a name for himself, he goes straight for ol' Ernie Grendel. Why is that? What is it about me that makes me a magnet for hot shots who want to get famous fast? [pause. Ernie looks up at the lights for a moment, then straightens up and chucks his crutches aside.] Shall I tell you why? [Ernie balances on one leg, ripping the velcro off the splint on his leg as he contiunues] Because Ernie Grendel... crazy ol' Ernie Grendel... suicidal ol' Ernie Grendel... FLAT OUT MAD ERNIE GRENDEL.... *IS* [he gets the splint off and throws it out of the ring] *THE* [Ernie yanks an elbow brace off his mic hand, over the mic, taking the little foam thingy with it and chucks THAT out into the crowd] *EVERLOVIN'* [Ernie rips the cervical collar off and drop-kicks it into the crowd, which is beginning to get kinda pumped about this] *GOD-FORSAKEN* [Ernie kicks his crutches out of the ring] *FREAKIN'* [Ernie YANKS the tape off his forehead, displaying the 14 stitches he earned in his last match with Chris Sim, and the beating he took by Chris Monroe] **FRANCHISE** OF THIS *BLEEP*DAMN COMPANY! I HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE DAY ONE AND THERE IS *NO* *MAN* *WALKING* WHO WILL *EVER* BE ABLE TO PUT ME AWAY FOR GOOD! I AM *NOT* GOING AWAY! SIM! MONROE! ASYLUM! PARKER! WHOEVER THE HELL IT IS *THIS* TIME! YOU ARE NO LONGER DEALING WITH HAPPY INNOCENT OL' ERNIE GRENDEL! THIS IS *NOT* ERNIE GRENDEL THE HUMAN PUNCHING BAG! [pause. Ernie visibly and immediately calms down] No. This is Ernie Grendel. The most dangerous thing in the EWC. Forget Fuego. Forget Feelgood. And Bill, I'm gonna have to disagree with you about who's crazier... because from this point onward, y'all are gonna see a whole new degree of crazy. [Ernie rounds on Neil Nerdlinger, who's been standing in the corner this whole time] Starting with him." %*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%* *DING DING DING* Neil (resplendent as ever in his lab coat, singlet, and steel-framed glasses) never really had much of a chance. Ernie threw the mic at him and when Neil tried to catch it, Ern was all over Neil like a rough divorce. Ernie pegged an "Air Grendel" flying leg lariat to put Neil in the corner, and just flat proceeded to stomp a mudhole in Nerdlinger and walk it dry before returning to the center of the ring for a round of high-velocity hair whips which got the now-psyched crowd just plain nuts. Neil managed to stagger out of the corner in time for Ernie to nail a solid FrankenGrendel (with repeated 'pounding his head into the mat' spots, hair moshing and cackling) before pulling out three new moves in rapid sequence: A standing moonsault splash, a Guillotine Whip (that's the old Vinnie Vegas "Snake Eyes" drop-em-face-first-on-the-top-turnbucke move), and finally, Ernie got the semi-conscious Neil over his shoulder, climbed to the top turnbuckle with Neil in a "Powerslam" position, and then moonsaulted *WITH* Neil on his shoulders, landing *ON* Neil on the mat. CNS long-timers probably would have recognized that as "Nuke" Newcastle's Moonslam even without Dr. Strange going ballistic over the spot. The 3 count was academic by then ########################################## # WINNER: Ernie Grendel, by pinfall 2:29 # ########################################## After the count Ernie wasn't prepared to stop - Ernie rolled out of the ring, grabbed a chair and scrambled back up to the top turnbuckle... and NAILED a high-elevation Shooting Star Press *with* the chair on the now quite-dead (not really, folks!) Nerdlinger. Ernie was going to do it again, but was prevented by Gerald Riley, and so did a few more hair moshes before departing... ANNOUNCER'S MATCH THOUGHTS: Cross was very impressed by the job Ernie did after being on the shelf so long, and was *really* impressed with the Moonslam, but was a little concerned with the psychological outlook of Ernie. Vanessa Stone thought that he was basically a resident psycho, and that he had no business being in the ring. Cross countered that perhaps this was his way of getting into the mindset of entering "Fuego's Jungle", as Cross referred to it. They cut to a commercial, when they come back, "Fuel" by Metallica is already playing inside the ring, and "Nuclear" Nick Duncan was headed down, to a good b it more heat than his last trip through: MATCH 4: "Nuclear" NICK DUNCAN vs. DAMIEN OMEGA (non-title match) %*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%* [Nick Duncan gets in the ring and takes the mic from the ringside announcer.] [Duncan] What kind of crap is this? A non-title match? Hey, Omega, don't you have the guts to put up the belt tonight? I know you're afraid I'm going to take another belt from you. I'll make this clear right now, I'm not putting up your old belt (holds up his thumb which has the "IeWS title belt" around it) unless you're going to put up your current title. But just because the titles aren't on the line doesn't mean I'm not going to suplex the hell out of you. %*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%* Nick throws the mic back to the announcer, as..... [PA SYSTEM] (echoed) real, real, real real.....what it means to be real. Then the PA went into "Slave to the Grind" by Skid Row and the new North American champion, Damien Omega, walked into the fray. The fans were actually starting to get behind him, and he was giving the fans everything he had. Slapping hands with fans and smiling broadly, he enters the ring and takes the microphone} [Omega] Once upon a time, someone told me that I would never make it in this business. "They" told me I didn't have the skill it took to be successful in a large federation. Well, to that person who told me that.... (Points to the NA title belt) Shows you how much you knew. Now, Dr. Destructo, once again you decide to stick your nose where it doesn't belong, but it seems you failed in your attempt to mess me over ... or did you? Now I can tell from your actions in the past you're a little power-hungry little man who wants gold but doesn't want to put the effort into getting it fairly, so I have to assume you MEANT to hit Chris Sim with that chair, in order to help me get this belt, and hense, you a shot at it. Nice plan, there Destructo. One problem with it, and I want you to get REALLY close to the monitor in the back when I say this, as to make it clear to you ... YOU ... WILL ... **NEVER** ... GET ... A ... TITLE ... SHOT ... FROM ... ME. That little stunt last week ensures you won't get it. This belt is a tainted one because of you. There are already people saying that if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be champ. So I have to start building my rep as a champ over again because of you. I'll wrestle you everywhere I can, but if I have anything to say about it, no match we are in will be for this title. Now, onto Chris Sim. You gave me the match of my life there, and you can be sure that no matter how much of a braggart, low down, little man you are, you deserve a rematch and you'll have it. Just tell me when. Jimmy Lowe, I have one word to say to you. Thanks. Duncan, we go at it tonight. Non-title, but you know that if you take me down, you'll get the shot you deserve. Good luck to you. Hey, we can make it for the IeWS Finger Championship if you want to put up that little thing you had with you last week. Just remember, Duncan, that no matter what, you're gonna find out what's it like to be Real tonight, and you probably won't like it much. %*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%* Match starts with the larger Duncan hitting a clothesline, followed by a kick or two to the back area. He picks up Omega, whips him to the buckle, Omega does the leapfrog over a charging Duncan, who rams his shoulder into the steel post. Duncan comes out, Omega with a kneelift to get him upright, then a STIFF knife-edge chop that echoed through the arena before grabbing his left arm (The arm with the hurt shoulder), locking in a hammerlock, then goes behind Duncan. Omega then releases the armbar to hook a reverse bearhug on Duncan before nailing a sharp Dragon Suplex that causes the technical hardcores in the audience to pop pretty severely. Omega goes back to work on the arm until Nick reverses an armtwist, kicks mega in the stomach, and twists around into a neckbreaker. An elbowdrop to the back follows, and Duncan takes a moment to jaw with a random fan. Duncan then grabs the legs and twists around into a Boston Crab, which he holds for about a minute until Omega pushes up out of it. Omega gets up but Duncan hits a running kneesmash to the turnbuckle on Omega, then hooks the head on the rebound and pulls over a nice inverted suplex for a two count. Duncan then sends Omega to the ropes for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker before settling into a cross knee backbreaker submission. This has Omega on the ropes, and they do the "Ref drops hands twice, but the third time he's OK" bit here. Omega rallies, hooks his arm behind Duncan's head, and rolls, sending Duncan out of the ring. Duncan right back in with a kneesmash to the back, then he hooks Omega's arms in a double underhook position, then proceeds to do his finisher, the "Chain Reaction" Locomotion underhook suplex, basically underhook suplexing him, then rolling with the motion until both are upright and they do it again...it's a sight to behold. He nails Omega with four revolutions...but when they try a fifth, Omega falls out of the underhook and lands on his feet, then hooks Duncan's arm, twists around so that Duncan is now facing him, then single arm DDT's him into the mat. He then rolls around and hits a wakigatame armbar. After 10 seconds, considering Duncan was favoring the shoulder the entire match, Duncan finally did tap out. ########################################### # WINNER: Damien Omega, via pinfall 8:12 # ########################################### Post match, Dr. Destructo bolted down to ringside, with Omega turning to face him. This caused Duncan to be able to not be noticed as he rolled out and grabbed the North American title. Omega stood center ring as Duncan was coming behind him and Destructo charged in after him. Omega then dropped straight down, and Duncan plastered Destructo with the North American Title. Duncan can't believe it, as he turns around into a front brain kick by Omega that drops Duncan down. Omega grabs his title and heads for the back. Duncan is shouting at Omega as he gets up....only to turn around and be facing a *VERY* pissed off Dr. Destructo. Destructo charges, but Duncan sees discretion as the better part of valor and leaves, with Destructo in hot pursuit. ANNOUNCER THOUGHTS: Cross was impressed with Omega's title win. Stone felt that it was a fluke, and that Duncan, a virtual rookie, was dominating a former champion from a Summit fed. Cross was impressed with Duncan's athleticism, said that Victor Vasilenko had trained him rather well. Destructo's run in was chastised by Cross, of course, but he was surprised to see Destructo go after Duncan, although it was Duncan's miscue that laid out Destructo. They cut to the back, where Adrienne Solo is waiting: %*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%* [Adrienne Solo] I'm backstage with the Philosopher Mikhail Tzskova, as he prepares for his first match in EWC against the youngster Titus Moon-- [Tzskova] Youth in this case hides a darker secret...I have seen in Moongarden, and I see nothing but evil and blackness. I cannot see into someone's soul, if there is such a thing, but the deeds of a man shows who he truly is. Moongarden shows nothing but evil. [Solo] Um...are we talking about the same person here? Everything I've seen of Titus Moongarden has been someone who goes out of his way to be kind to others. [Tzskova] And Hitler hid his evil to the world for a long time. It came out. Those who portray such utter goodness are certainly hiding something sinister. Just look at Martha Stewart as an example. Who here cannot say that this person is not evil personified? [Solo] Um... [Titus Moongarden whips around the corner with an armful of Dr. Pepper.] [Titus] OK, I got 'em, man... whoa. Uh, whoops... am I interrupting something? [Tzskova] No, you're just on time .... [Abruptly, Tzskova shoves the Dr. Pepper's right into the face of Moongarden, surprising him. He then grabs the camera right from the hands of the cameraman and strikes Moongarden right across the chest with it, knocking him back and down, as the camera shot dissolves quickly into static]