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presents
(The opening strains of "Duel of the Fates" from "Star Wars Episode
One: The Phantom Menace" begins to build as the screen fades into
a medieval castle....as two knights in silver armor walk into
the arena hall as the lords and ladies of the realm sit and
watch them prepare to do combat. The camera pans across the
shining silver armor and ornate swords, and we see reflections
of (in order) Fuego, Ernie Grendel, Chris Sim, TR Parker, Damien
Omega, Weapons of Last Resort, Chris Monroe, Torvald Reikkersen,
and finally Roker Showtime in action in the reflections off the armor.
Finally, both men charge at each other, and as the swords clash, they
shatter, with the pieces swirling around and coming together into the words...)
dMMMMMP dMP dMP dMP .aMMMb
dMP dMP dMP dMP dMP"VMP
dMMMP dMP dMP dMP dMP
dMP dMP.dMP.dMP dMP.aMP
dMMMMMP VMMMPVMMP" VMMMP"
dMP .aMMMb dMMMMb dMMMMb .dMMMb .aMMMb dMMMMMP
dMP dMP"dMP dMP.dMP dMP VMP dMP" VP dMP"dMP dMP
dMP dMP dMP dMMMMK" dMP dMP VMMMb dMP dMP dMMMP
dMP dMP.aMP dMP"AMF dMP.aMP dP .dMP dMP.aMP dMP
dMMMMMP VMMMP" dMP dMP dMMMMP" VMMMP" VMMMP" dMP
dMMMMMMP dMP dMP dMMMMMP dMMMMb dMP dMMMMb .aMMMMP
dMP dMP dMP dMP dMP.dMP amr dMP dMP dMP"
dMP dMMMMMP dMMMP dMMMMK" dMP dMP dMP dMP MMP"
dMP dMP dMP dMP dMP"AMF dMP dMP dMP dMP.dMP
dMP dMP dMP dMMMMMP dMP dMP dMP dMP dMP VMMMP"
(The image then shows flames in the background, and it shatters as Bill
Curtis slides through the graphic and almost into your living room.
The shards dissipate into a shot of an arena with enough people to at least
make it seem like it's filled to capacity. Signs are zoomed in and out as
the crowd cheers like there's no tomorrow)
Graphic: The Georgia Dome, Atlanta, GA
(Signs such as "LowePax Tampons..the cure for the Canadian Menstruation",
"GLW fears Byron", "Fuego vs. Grendel - Match of the Year" and "Cut 'n Shoot -
2 Crazy" are seen as the camera pans around to the announcing team)
Graphic: VANESSA STONE ISAAC CROSS DR. TONY STRANGE
Fans, welcome to another edition of EWC Lords of the ring.
It's SUMMERTIME, and that can only mean some HOT SUMMER NIGHTS lie ahead for the superstars of the EWC. Issac Cross
here, along with the Icemaiden of the EWC, Vanessa Stone, and
returning to the broadcast booth, WELCOME BACK, Dr. Anthony
Strange.
Yeah, Doc, good to see you...anything to keep Jimmy Lowe out
of the broadcast box.
Well, I don't think anyone alive can keep Lowe out of the box
for long, if you smell what the Doc is cookin'. Regardless,
it's wonderful to be back, and my doctor gave me a clean bill
of health.
Just in time for a hot night of action. Tonight, the World
Tag Team Titles are on the line in our main event, as the
Weapons of Last Resort face off against Beyond Our Control.
And if you ask me...and you should...that's a farce. LeBeaux
had to threaten Jackie Chan and the Marlboro Man to defend
or else he'd strip the belts, and they're defending against
a couple of lunatics that know how to hurt, but by their win/loss record certainly don't know how to win.
Also on tap tonight, a very special tag team match...in one
corner, the team of Jon Owens and Nick Duncan...in the other,
none other than former EWC World Champion Roker Showtime
and the reigning North American champion, Damien Omega.
And knowing that Roker and Owens have that big showdown coming up at Hot August Nights, this match could very easily
be a preview of that.
As well as a preview of the beatdown Duncan is going to deliver to Omega at HAN as well...Omega may be the champ
of the EWC, but Duncan is the champ of the IeWS..and that
means all the coffee you can drink, baby!
Plus tonight we've got the Children of Apocalypse against
TR Parker and the mysterious Wildcard, who returned in
DRAMATIC fashion last week to aid TR Parker in defeating
Jeremy Byron in a Loser Leaves Town match!
And you will note it took both men PLUS some interference
from the Mississippi Queen to pin Byron. WHerever he ends
up, I fear for the wrestlers there cause he's gonna have
a mad-on and a half.
We've also got Ernie Grendel in action, Sitting Bull of
vs. Torvald Reikkersen and a whole...lot...more. Right
now, let's go to the ring for our first matchup!
MATCH #1: CURTIS STONE vs. "The Little Kahuna" MAUNAKEA BENARD
Despite Metallica's "The House That Jack Built" blaring over the
speakers, Benard stood in the ring alone, puzzled, and obviously more
than a little irritated. As the referee seemed about to do something
about it, the Solotron flared into life with C-Jack's face in super
close-up.
%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@@%%@@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@
["Virtual" C-Jack]
Wrestler, wrestler, above the aisles,
what's happened to your flashy smiles?
{Stone emerges from an arena archway to descend a staircase among the
fans, a mic in hand and a disdainful look on his face}
[CS]
WHAT HAPPENED?! You want to know what happened? Just look in the
ring ... C-Jack is a WRESTLER. An ATHLETE. And who do the Powers That
Be expect the Elite Athlete of the EWC to face? Having had the GALL to
hold a pay-per-view without ME, the Jackster, the man for whom they
invented the word "wow", what big challenge do they set for C-Jack?
An out of shape, out of luck, and out of my LEAGUE island boy!
WAKE UP, EWC! The future of wrestling is found right here, and its
theme music plays in the key of C-Jack ... You think by tossing me
no-talents like this, you can keep me buried? You're WRONG -- DEAD
WRONG! I'm going to get the gold that belongs around this
perpetually perfect waist, and I'm going to it MY way! I don't need
any help from you board-room bozos -- I don't need help ANYBODY! So
you say the road to renown goes thru Don Ho here, fine -- get ready,
because the twenty-first century trend-setter is about to make a
statement, and I'm going to tattoo it all over this Waikiki washout!
%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@@%%@@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@
Stone practically sprints to the ring, hurdling the railing fairly
easily, and nails Benard with a clothesline as the bell rings to
start the match ... he follows it up with a fast-paced series of
kicks, bodyslams, and clotheslines off the ropes, before Maunakea
is able to put a boot to the gut as C-Jack bounces off the ropes
again ...
He then starts an offensive of his own, landing several dazing
punches and a somewhat awkward dropkick, then popping Stone into
a camel-clutch, but Stone's able to reach the ropes. He nails
Maunakea in the face with a forearm, a few return punches, and
drags him to the ropes to rake his eyes across it; whipping Benard
into the turnbuckle turns out to be a mistake, however, when he
gets clotheslined himself on the followup.
Benard bodyslams him, and sets up for a suplex, but Stone slips
behind Benard on the pick-up, and lays a forearm to the back of
the head, then scoops up the Hawaiian and rams him into the
turnbuckle with a running Canadian backbreaker. He lifts Benard up
one more time, driving him into the mat headfirst in a jumping
piledriver, before yelling at the ref to start the 1-2-3 ...
#########################################
# WINNER: Curtis Stone, by pinfall 3:22 #
#########################################
After the bell rings, C-Jack rolls out of the ring and picks up
the mic again
[CS]
I hope you all were paying CLOSE attention, because there will be a
pop quiz later ... but for those of you who blinked, here's the Cliff
Notes version ... See Jack pin, see Jack win -- who stands alone?
C-JACK STONE!
{As his music starts up again, C-Jack heads back out over the railing
and up the stairs, waving off the boos of the audience.}
YEAH, BABY, YEAH!!! You tell him, Curtis!
Uhh, Vanessa, you were supposed to be *impartial*, last
I checked.
Since when? I'm excited. For the past several weeks I've
been stuck watching white bread wussies like Damien Omega
and useless hunks of meat like these Cut 'n Shoot
tournament losers. It's great to see a *true* talent
like Curtis Stone back in the game!
Contrary to what he says, though, he was out for several
weeks due to a sprained ankle suffered at a non-televised
show in Cleveland prior to the PPV..but he's back, and he's
apparently looking for some title gold. Fans, when
we return, it's the Cut 'n SHoot Tournament match, next!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Commercials, commercials, and more commercials...hey, wanna
join more e-feds? Here's two really cool ones, Great Lakes
Wrestling (e-mail GLWfedhead@yahoo.com) and Premier Wrestling
(e-mail eroy@neumedia.net). E-mail them for more info. They're
fun feds. =)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
MATCH #2: CUT 'N SHOOT HERITAGE TITLE TOURNAMENT QUALIFIER
DOCTOR FEELGOOD vs. "The Philosopher" MIKHAIL TZSKOVA
Tzskova comes out to loud boos, mainly due to the events of last week with
Titus Moongarden...Isaac Cross notes that Moongarden vs. Tzskova has been
signed for the Free for All prior to the PPV. Tzskova takes his sash, and
folds it to set it on the announcers table...he enters the ring.
"Dr Feelgood" by Motley Crue comes on next and the fans warmly welcome their hero.
"The Man they call Hardcore" bolts down to the ring, slapping the hands of various
fans along the way. Once he gets down there, he takes
the microphone and adresses the crowd:
%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@
[Feelgood]
Well, well, well..........
*CROWD POP*
I know you haven't heard from me in a while, so let's get right down to the
basic facts. I've got a match in this Cut N' Shoot Tournament against "The
Philosopher". Well, pal, let me tell you about *my* philosophy, ya big
steaming pile of Russian crap!
*crowd pop*
MY Philosophy is that I lace up my boots and I come down to the ring, and
I beat the livin' dog out of two-bit losers who seem to think they're better
than everybody else in the free damned world. For what you did to poor Titus
Moongarden, ol' Bertha here is going to lay an ass kickin' upside your fat
head. You want to talk about EVIL? I've been there. There ain't a person in
this damn building that doesn't remember when I had my head out whack and
was worshipping Satan. You want to talk about HIDDEN evil? I wasn't hidin'
a damned THING, pal, so you can just ram THAT up your babooshka. So just
get yourself ready for a good old fashioned Missouri ass kickin', pal, and
believe that the Doctor is in, your prescription is the EXTREME, and you
can do exactly two things about it - jack-crap, and nothing, and jack-crap
just left town!
%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@%@
Well, I'd say the Doc is fired up to be back...
As well he should be...specialty matches, especially
those that tend to get into the "extreme" areas of our
sport, are the good Doctor's specialty...Tzskova is out
of his element here.
Keep in mind, however, that that could work to Mikhail's
advantage...whatever the stip is, he has to force Feelgood
to work *his* match, not the other way around. Get Feelgood
into a submission hold away from anything not nailed down,
and force the tapout.
The wheel is being spun...and we've got...a FALLS COUNT
ANYWHERE match.
Heh. I retract my earlier statement. Tzkova's out of his LEAGUE in this match.
The bell rings, and Feelgood charges right in with several left hands,
followed by a whip to the far turnbuckle and a leaping bell clap to stun
"The Philosopher" momentarily. Feelgood then bounces off the ropes, Mikhail
ducks a Feelgood clothesline, then goes for a spinebuster, but Feelgood
blocks and hits a belly to belly to send the Philosopher out of the ring.
That was the last semblance of a wrestling match this contest had.
Feelgood grabbed Bertha the ball bat to go over and lay waste to "The
Philosopher", but Tzskova went low for a nut shot, then followed up
with a DDT right onto the concrete. He then took Feelgood's ball bat
and whacked him in the back with it three times before tossing it out into the crowd.
He then picked Feelgood up in an atomic drop position, but instead he came
down on the knee, hurting Feelgood's left knee. (Stone mentioned that
that was the knee that had taken a pounding in various federations
over the years)
Tzskova goes over for the timekeepers bell, but Feelgood kicks Mikhail right
into the sternum, causing him to drop the bell. Feelgood then gets on
his feet and starts hitting rights to the face of the russian, then grabs
his arm and irish whips him right into the steel stairs. Feelgood then jumps
to the ring apron, and runs across the apron right into a hipbuster elbow
across the chest of Tzskova. It was there that Feelgood decided to pick
him up by his long white hair, and drags him up the ramp. They brawl
generically through the Georgia dome, slugging and throwing things at one
another, as they head for the loading docks that lead outside the Georgia
Dome.
And now Feelgood taking him out of the main arena area,
and is headed back to the loading dock with the Philosopher.
And this is the arena of Dr. Feelgood...just pounding on you
anywhere and everywhere.
And we do mean EVERYWHERE! Feelgood and Tzskova are now
outside the building! OOOOH, Tzskova with a low knee, and now
he's picking Feelgood up and DROPPING THAT LEG RIGHT ACROSS
A PARKING RAIL!!!
In one of the fields nearby the Georgia Dome, there's a little league game
going on...score is 6-2 with the Subway team beating Harry's Bail Bonds
in the bottom of the 5th. Feelgood notices this, and suplexes Tzskova onto
a cargo cart (usually used for moving packages and boxes and stuff) and
pushes Tzskova across the street into where the sandlot is!!! They continue
to brawl near the stands, with many of the fans taking notice of what's going
on. Feelgood finally gets Tzskova into a pedigree on the dirt gravel ground,
and then whistles for a batboy, who tosses him a baseball bat. He names it
Buelah on the spot and knocks "The Philosopher" silly with it about 3-4 times.
Finally, he opens the door to a nearby portapotty, shoves the Philosopher in
it's general direction, and then knocks him on the back with
the baseball bat, sending him headfirst into the john!
Oh god, this is going to be disgusting, I can't watch this.
*tosses off headset and leaves*
Feelgood locking the John from the outside, now he's bringing
that pushcart over...and he tosses the john on its side
ONTO THE CART....
I think I see where this is going...
Feelgood pushing the portajohn over to a nearby ditch..
construction work is going on....FEELGOOD SENDS THE JOHN
RIGHT INTO THE DITCH!!! FORGET ABOUT IT, this one's history.
I read about that game too..it was a doubleheader. That
john HAD to have gotten some use that day...
The portajohn popped open as it went down the ditch...
"The Philosopher" is slowly getting out of it, and he's
got...stuff...on him.....
When Mikhail is cognizant enough to realize what's going
on he's going to be really, really PO'ed.....Feelgood down
in the ditch, measuring him as he rises....WRECKING BALL
CLOTHESLINE!!!!
And that Russian Sickle variant has been doing the job for
many years....referee counts it, but it's academic at this
point..three!!! And Dr. Feelgood is in the finals!!!
##########################################
# WINNER: Dr. Feelgood, by pinfall 9:12 #
##########################################
And Feelgood climbs out of the ditch and greets the
players of the other team...he's signing the bat he used
on Tzskova. That's a fans' wrestler right there!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, when we return, Sidi al Nassir vs.
Ernie Grendel, next!!!