[As the theme from Halloween plays in the background, we instantly cut to the inside of the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia on the campus of George Mason University. The arena is filled to capacity and everyone is certainly in the halloween spirit with face paint, costumes, candy flying through the air, the works. One section has wigs with stringy black hair and a sign that reads "WE WORSHIP EVIL ERNIE", one group of particularly large women are dressed like genies holding a sign saying "SIDI'S HAREM", and a group in the front row are all in black, pin-striped suits, with fedoras, sunglasses, and violin cases. Their sign reads, "REAL FAMILY VALUES--SCREW JERRY FALWELL." We continue panning and head straight down to the announcers' table where our co-hosts await. Aaron Bishop's face is painted like a clown and he's wearing a red wig and yellow jump suit. Gregory Zane is dressed the same as always...] [AB] Welcome fans to a night of tricks and terror, action and mayhem as only EWC can bring you!!! I am one of your co-hosts, Aaron Bishop and I'm here, as always, with...MISTER Gregory Zane who doesn't seem to be wearing a costume. [GZ] Shows what you know. I am most certainly wearing a costume and it's a damn good one if I don't say so myself. [AB] (scanning over the sports jacket and tie) Okay, I'll bite, what exactly are you dressed as? A frat boy going to a semi-formal? [GZ] Perfection. Supreme intellect. Striking good looks. Namely, I came as me. Hah! And what, this side of Poltergeist, may I ask are you dressed as? [AB] Well, as much as I don't appreciate his attitude, Ronnie Frown's recent confessions inspired me. So I'm Ronald McDonald. [GZ] I always said you were a complete idiot. At least you finally look the part. [AB] Have we got a show for you tonight. First up is a COME AS YOU AREN'T masquerade royal rumble. Ten wrestlers, each in a costume of his choice, whatever you bring to the ring you get to use. [GZ] I'd just be a gangbanger and blast my way through the opposition. [AB] Within reason, of course. Then if addition to the debut of a brand new EWC superstar we've got a tremendous double main event--the semi-finals of the North American Tag Team Tournament. [GZ] Right on. We've got one of the best matches this fed's had in a long time as my personal choice to win it all, Power Supply, face off against the spectacular and vastly underrated--not to mention well-rested--Children of Apocalypse. [AB] And in our final match of the night, an old rivalry is renewed as the newly revitalized Murder Incorporated will wrestle Beyond Our Control who is on an even bigger roll as of late having beaten The Chaos Brigade and Siouxnami. [GZ] Ernie Grendel and his insane fire throwing beat Siouxnami, BOC was on their way to defeat. As long as it stays two on two tonight Murder Inc. will be moving on to the finals at Hardcore Homecoming. [Bruce Springsteen and "Murder, Inc" play over the P.A. and the fans are quick to provide some serious heat.] [AB] What are they doing out here? This isn't scheduled. [GZ] Why don't you shut up and eat some chicken nuggets, then maybe we can find out. [Frank "the Assassin" Spinelli and Terry "the Hitman" Haynes make their way to the ring amidst a chorus of boos, one of the fans in the front row holds up the sign we saw earlier, waving it in the camera, before security manages to snatch it away. In the meantime, Murder Inc. has made their way into the ring with house mics.] ["Assassin"] We're out here tonight to wrestle two men who are walking poster children for the Contract On America..... ["Hitman"] Two men who have as little respect for our Family Values of respect, tradition, and old-style professional wrestling as it is possible to have.... ["Assassin"] Baen...Cannon...we've wrestled each other in Pure Science matches, Falls Count Anywhere matches, Chicago Street Fights, and just about everything else you care to name. ["Hitman"] Tonight, if you boys got the cojones for it, we figure it's time for the "hardcores" to meet some "hardcases" and do "hard time" ["Assassin"] All four of us in a cage, first man out, over the top or through the door, wins the match for his team. ["Hitman"] Whaddaya say, boys? [Right on cue, "Minstrel in the Gallery" comes up on the PA - at least the LOUD bit - as the fans erupt in cheers and Baen, Cannon and Doc Scrhapnel emerge from behind the curtain. In the ring Murder Inc. nod in approval. Doc has a microphone.] [Doc] Can someone tell me what EXACTLY is the major malfunction of these two miscreants? [Big pop as Gerry "Loose" Cannon suddenly grabs the microphone away from Doc and gets "That Look" on his face. Doc Schrapnel looks quizzically at Gerry, as does Baen, but Gerry proceeds with...] [Cannon] After we've beaten the holy hopscotch out of each other in every kind of match anyone's ever thought of, you have the TEMERITY to challenge us... to a CAGE MATCH? [pause. Gerry looks thoughtful.] [Cannon] You know... it *has* been ages since we've had a simple, easy-to-follow match. One in which there is a definately winner, and a definite loser. [Cannon looks at Baen, who shrugs eloquently.] [Cannon] In the words of Chevy Chase in that classic movie, "Fletch".... "Sure." [Baen, Cannon and Schrapnel go into a huddle, exchange a few words and do a football sort of huddle break before heading to the back to a _ton_ of cheers. Murder Inc. seem pleased as well as they discuss strategy before also returning to the back.] [AB] WHAT A BLOCKBUSTER ANNOUNCEMENT!!! Tonight's main event is now a STEEL CAGE MATCH! [GZ] What was Cannon talking about? Only a real whacko thinks a cage match is an easy, mundane match. After Murder Inc. puts those two sorry losers through the metal they better send them back to the loony bin. [AB] When you're Beyond Our Control you live for the insanity and already, with the ghosts of all saint hallows in the air you get the feeling we're in for a WILD ride tonight. [GZ] Something else is bothering me...do we normally travel with steel cages? How do we even have one? [AB] In the EWC we're always ready for ANYTHING!!! [GZ] Oh man. Cut the shilling and get us to some action. We've got ten wrestlers in the back with no idea in what order they're coming out and they've got a whole lot of weapons. That's what I want to focus on. [AB] Greg is right. In just a few moments we will have one of this weekend's two Come As You Aren't Royal Rumbles. The winner of this event goes on to face the winner of a similar event on Lord of the Rings at Hardcore Homecoming. The ultimate prize? In addition to $25,000, a shot at the winner of the Grendel, Fuego rematch for the title. [GZ] Which is tentatively scheduled for the card immediately following Hardcore Homecoming...and the wheel of torture marathon match. For many of these men this may be the best shot they ever get to fight for the big prize. [AB] Tonight's participants are: the EWC Cut N' Shoot Champion Ronnie Frown, Dan Rierson, "Timelord" Clay Evans, Dr. Destructo, newcomer Michael "The Law" Bastion, "Stunning" Steve Mauritz, the currently solo Sitting Bull, sometimes friends sometimes enemies TR Parker and Joshua Collins, and tonight's definite underdog Bean Martinez. Without knowing what everyone's wearing, I've got to go with Joshua Collins. He may not be the biggest or the fastest but he's the smartest and guile can make the difference in an event like this. [GZ] True, but if you're a ring general AND the King of Endurance AND the master of hardcore like Ronnie Frown, then you have to be the hands down favorite to win the event; easy. [AB] Well enough speculation it's time to get things underway. Before we find out who drew unlucky number one let's go to the back where Adrienne Solo is standing by with one of our competitors. Adrienne? ===== [We cut to Adrienne Solo standing in front a jack-o-lantern with the letters "EWC" carved in it. She's dressed like Brittany Spears in full school girl regalia, and standing by with Stevie Mauritz, who looks to be dressed like his old 2 Cool Dudes outfit.] [Solo] I'm standing here with Stevie Mauritz, who is entered in tonight's "Come As You Aren't" Battle Royal. Stevie, why are you dressed like that? That's just your old outfit, isn't it? [Mauritz] No, it's more. I'm dressed as a loser. This is a Come As You Aren't battle royal, and if there's one thing Stevie Mauritz is NOT, its a loser. Now get out of my way. [Solo] (As Stevie brushes past him) Big words, but Stevie Mauritz will be looking to back them up tonight, in the battle royal. Back to ringside. ===== ************************************************ **THE IMPACT--COMES AS YOU AREN'T ROYAL RUMBLE** ************************************************ When we cut back to the ring "Snap Your Fingers/Snap Your Neck" by Grinspoon fades on as the curtains part and Clay Evans enters the picture dressed in full amateur gear drawing a respectable pop. [AB] Well, Evans has made a big deal since his return about stressing wrestling ability over ill-fated gimmicks. This costume is really driving home that point. [GZ] Anybody can dress like a wrestler, let's see if he's got the moves. Doesn't really matter though, Evans has drawn number one, he won't be winning AND even if he goes far he'll just be easier pickings for Nassir and Tzskova later on tonight. [AB] Let's just see who his opponent is. The lights dim and "Unforgiven" by Metallica starts playing. The fans have no idea who to expect so they provide little response. A few moments later a fairly large man steps through the curtains---he's dressed like Little Red Riding Hood, complete with a blonde wig, the red cloak, and a wicker basket. As the fans laugh hysterically, this broad man looks back at the curtain with a look of rage on his face before finally heading towards the ring. [AB] Fans, we are now getting our first look at the newest addition to the EWC roster, Michael "The Law" Bastion. [GZ] And some look it is. I have no idea what kind of statement he was trying to make with this costume, but it certainly is an interesting one. If he's trying to get into the heads of the other wrestlers I think it's just so unnerving it might work. [AB] We're about to find out. DING, DING, DING.... *SEMI SHORT-REPORT ON* Bastion slid under the bottom rope, popped up, evaded a charge by Evans, and booted him in the stomach and dropped him to one knee with a stiff forearm. A series of back elbows kept Evans from recovering and allowed Bastion to press Evans high into the air and toss him to the mat. [AB] What a show of strength by the newcomer! [GZ] What a wasted burst of energy. The only way to win this match is to toss people over the top rope. If you're going to press someone into the air, why not send them to the floor too? [AB] Cut him some slack. Probably just a rookie mistake. [GZ] Well, he may get away with that with only Evans in the ring but when things get crowded mistakes like that aren't going to cut it. Bastion then sent Evans into the corner and followed up with a clothesline. Evans was then tossed right back to the other corner before Bastion reached into his basket and pulled out a nightstick. Evans was measured and Bastion then took a running start and leapt. Too bad Evans was able to move out of the way causing Bastion to slam into the corner hitting himself in the head with the nightstick before it went sailing to the floor. Playing off his costume, Evans used a go behind to take Bastion to the mat where he promptly locked on a head scissors. After a few seconds, Evans realized this wasn't going to help him win the match so he released the hold and sprung back to his feet. Bastion got back up to just in time to be caught with a standing drop kick that sent him slumping into the corner. Evans grabbed the riding hood and used it to throw Bastion to center ring before covering his head with it. Unable to see, Bastion was an easy target for a leg lariat that sent him back to the mat just as the siren sounded.... Pulling a page out of Fuego's last PPV appearance, the crowd popped like mad as Bean Martinez came swinging from atop the entrance ramps, dressed like Tarzan, holding a stuffed monkey, and flipping onto the entrance ramp. Inside the ring, Bastion caught Evans with a low blow and had him on the ropes pounding him with forearms. Bean saw this leapt onto the apron then springboarded off the ropes with a drop kick to "The Law" that saved Evans and drew a good pop from the crowd. They were even louder when Bean used the monkey as a weapon---it was filled with sand. Bastion was picked up but he reversed a whip to the ropes and caught Martinez with a bell clap. An attempted powerbomb followed but Evans clipped Bastion's knee and that allowed Martinez to roll through for a hurricarana. Evans and Martinez then sent Bastion back to the ropes and caught him with stereo high knees. Bastion was then lifted up and almost dumped over the top rope. He was able to save himself, however, by hooking his leg around the top rope. The struggle in the corner continued for a few more moments as the siren sounded again... [AB] Let's see who comes out next...what is this...IT'S HAPPY DAWSON!!! He's not supposed to be here tonight. I didn't even know he was back in the league!!! WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE!!! (the fans pop hard...for a few seconds but that suddenly turns to serious jeers) [GZ] Man you are just too dense. Notice the large blood stain on that mask? Notice that Happy looks to be just a tad bigger than before? How about the fact that he's laughing at the fans. That's clearly my pick to win it all tonight-Ronnie Frown. [AB] Sigh. That does make sense...and as he goes and immediately headbutts Evans from behind, I'm afraid you're right. Frown just ripped into Evans with a barrage of punches and kicks followed by three consecutive short-armed clotheslines. Without the extra hands, Bean Martinez was unable to keep up the pressure on Bastion who freed himself with a palm to the throat and then started pounding on Martinez with double axehandles. A double handed chokeslam by Frown drew oohs and aaahs from the fans and left Evans flat on the mat and an easy target for a big leg drop. In the meantime, Bastion crushed Martinez with an avalanche and then lifted him high into the air. This time he did move towards the ropes but, just when Martinez looked to be history, Ronnie Frown rushed across the ring and speared Bastion, knocking him over and saving Bean Martinez. Frown then picked Bastion up, charged forward, and powerslammed him with authority. Much to Zane's delight, Frown took a breather then to taunt the fans. As the clock started counting down the last ten seconds, Martinez started to lay into Bastion. He was quickly subdued and Bastion went for a belly to back suplex. Martinez flipped out and as Bastion turned around caught him with a super kick that sent "The Law" over the top rope to the arena floor. The siren could barely be heard as the fans started a riotous BEAN BEAN BEAN chant. [AB] I can't believe it! BEAN MARTINEZ WITH THE FIRST ELIMINATION!!! [GZ] Why don't you give credit to the man who is really responsible for that--Ronnie Frown. Frown save Bean's sorry ass. Frown planted Bastion with the powerslam. The elimination should go to Ronnie!!! (the curtains part and the fans are quick to jeer as Sitting Bull starts down the runway carrying a spear) [AB] What is he doing!?! Sitting Bull is out here and he's wearing his normal ring attire. I know some people normally find his look to be perfect for Halloween but this is against the rules of the royal rumble. Don't let him in!!! [GZ] Will you relax!?! You are not good with this costume thing. Look at the writing on his tights and boots, it says "CH." Don't you get it? Sitting Bull has come dressed as his injured partner Crazy Horse. Ingenious!!! Not only is it a tribute to his partner, but it also let's him wrestle in his normal gear. [AB] Still, this is really pushing it. Since Bean was still basking in the cheers from his elimination, he was easy prey for a fresh Sitting Bull who came up from behind and drilled him with a big boot to the back of the head. Bean quickly found himself trapped in the corner and getting pummeled by repeated knees to the stomach. While this was going on, Ronnie Frown released a boston crab he had trapped Evans in and was just stomping away on the englishman's back. The assault was haulted when Bull picked Martinez up and harpoon tossed him right into Frown sending both men to the mat. Bull came off the ropes and caught both with simultaneous elbow smashes. With Frown down on the mat Bull picked Martinez back up and rocked him with repeated headbutts. Evans used the brief diversion to get his wits back together and then caught Frown with a side russian leg sweep. Frown was sent to the ropes but he was able to duck an Evans clothesline attempt. Evans adjusted quickly and, on the next time back, leapt at Frown for a lou thesz press. The CnS Heritage Champion caught him mid-air though and, with a stun-gun motion, sent him sailing to the arena floor. Frown turned around in time to see Martinez getting crushed by a backdrop driver. Without taking any time to rest, Frown turned and caught Bull with a running forearm to the back of the head. This only irritated Bull so, as the siren sounded for the next participant, the two men were going toe to toe. The sixth competitor in the event was Dr. Destructo. Only on this occasion, the doctor came dressed as an investment banker, complete with a three-piece suit and a lap top. With Bull and Frown still going back and forth, Destructo was able to enter the ring, take off his tie, and then smash the computer over Frown's head, shattering it and busting Frown open through his mask. Destructo tried to dump Frown but Martinez decided to repay his debt from earlier and he came up from behind Destructo and caught him with an enziguri and then a leaping DDT. The fans were popping like mad for the under dog but that soon ended when Sitting Bull capitalized on Frown's incapacitation, clotheslined Martinez from behind, and then used and atomic toss to eliminate him. As a strong chorus of boos rained down on Bull, Destructo clipped his knee and then started to pick it apart with elbows and leg drops--an unusual strategy for a royal rumble, but one that was possible because there were only three men in the ring. Destructo left himself wide open by locking Bull in a figure four leg lock but rather than attack Frown took some time to adjust his mask and regain his composure. After about fifteen seconds Bull was able to reverse the figure four and escape. Moments later the siren sounded.... "Stunning" Steve Mauritz, appearing as "The Loser" Stevie B. Cool came sprinting to the ring next to a small round of jeers. Mauritz leapt onto the apron, grabbed a passing Destructo and raked his eyes on the ropes. As he stood on the apron laughing, Ronnie Frown charged and used a three point stance to knock Mauritz off the apron and to the arena floor. The crowd cheered but since Mauritz had never entered the ring, he could not be eliminated. Frown didn't see Maurtiz reenter the match and he got caught with a drop kick from behind that propelled Frown into the buckle and then backwards into a german suplex. Sitting Bull, while favoring one leg just a bit, was still able to use his wrist tape to choke out Destructo before hitting a jawbreaker. Bull then grabbed Destructo, took a running start, and just tossed him over the top rope...fortunately for Destructo he was able to fall on the apron and slide under the bottom rope to keep his chances alive. Frown managed to block a series of shots from Mauritz and use a greco-roman thumb to the eye to escape the corner. After a few shots from with his heavy work gloves, Mauritz seemed unusually woozy and was an easy target for a side slam. Destructo had caught Bull with a kick to the knee and was unleashing stinging knife edges as the siren once again sounded... [AB] It's TR PARKER dressed as Groucho Marx!!! Hah! Look at him wander around the ramp. Now he's pointing towards the back--I wonder why... (the fans pop like mad) [GZ] What a shock! It's the dirtiest tramp in the EWC, the Mississppi Queen and she's dressed like Harpo with a big curly blond wig, giant red horn and all. Funny, I figured she was a natural to come as a crack whore. [AB] Greg, stop it. We haven't heard from Parker since it was reported that he had a falling out with his parnter Joshua Collins last week on Impact. You have to wonder if they've worked things out. [GZ] Well, he's number seven and Collins is yet to come. If they still have issues we won't have to wait much more than 6 minutes to find out. Parker hit the ring with an abundance of energy and went right after Ronnie Frown charging from behind and dropping him with a rope walk, twisting bulldog. Mauritz tried to sneak up from behind Parker for a knee drop, but TR rolled out of the way and Mauritz nailed Frown instead. When "Stunning" Steve got back up he was caught by head butt and then a spinning neckbreaker from Parker. Meanwhile, Dr. Destructo had leapt onto Sitting Bull's back and locked on a sleeper hold. Just as he started to lose his legs, Bull was able to run backwards into the corner smashing Destructo. When he still wouldn't release the hold, Bull spun around, threw his legs out from underneath himself and fell back to the mat flattening Destructo. Bull then got up, put Destructo between his knees, picked him up for a powerbomb but kept the momentum going and used it to send Destructo flying right over the top rope to the dismay of the fans. Feeling like momentum was in his corner Bull then scaled to the second rope and waited for Mauritz to stand up before nailing him with a flying clothesline. Before he could stand up though, Bull was grabbed by Ronnie Frown and jarred courtesy of an atomic drop. As Bull bounced out Parker came charging off the ropes, leapt and caught Bull with a spectacular "Strutter Cutter" to the fans' delight. Parker picked Bull back up and started unloading with punches as the fans counted along. At 8, Mauritz came from nowhere to tryied and hit Parker but TR ducked and Mauritz's flying forearm connected with Sitting Bull instead. A spin wheel kick by Parker later and Bull was over the top rope and infuriated. As the siren sounded officials had to force Bull towards the back. Entrant number nine was Dan Rierson wearing a Washington Redskins' helmet and a Jerome Bettis, Steelers, jersey. As he approached the ring, a still irate Sitting Bull, grabbed a steel chair and slammed it into Rierson's back. Lucky for Dan his full padding absorbed most of the blow and he was able to proceed to the ring without much delay. Inside the ring, Mauritz and Frown had joined forces to beat Parker to the mat and they were stomping away and alternating elbow drops. Rierson, with no love for Parker, simply stepped into the ring and waited. Mauritz and Frown sent Parker to the ropes but TR ducked a double clothesline and came back with a leaping elbow on Mauritz. Frown was just waiting for Parker and, as he turned around, drove him to the mat with a spinebuster. Frown made the mistake of playing to the fans and got caught with a helmet shot from behind by Rierson. The larger half of Children of Apocalypse then lifted Frown up for a suplex and used the motion to send him over and to the floor. Rierson then came off the ropes and with the padding adding to his near 300 pounds, splashed Parker's prone body. *SEMI SHORT-REPORT OFF* [AB] If Parker and Collins have worked out their differences he's only about fifteen seconds away from help. [GZ] But, if that two bit hussy honking that horn around ringside has succeeded in driving both men insane, then he's about to find himself in a three on one hole. [AB] Mauritz back to his feet and he grabs Rierson from behind and drops him with a reverse DDT. I may not like his new attitude, but I am very impressed with Steve's showing tonight. [GZ] It's like we said earlier, in an event like this it isn't always the biggest man who wins, sometimes it's the one who knows how to really pick his spots. [AB] I believe I said that. And Parker does just that low blowing Mauritz. Three men in the ring, all are daze, one man to come and it's Joshua Collins!!! BUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! [GZ] Um Greg, nobody's coming. [AB] Parker is knelt over looking towards the ramp and he's in shock!!! (with each passing second the fans are jeering more and more) [GZ] I KNEW IT!!! I told you this unit wasn't functioning and we all know whose fault that is. [AB] Parker is up and just screaming at the Queen asking her where Collins is and she doesn't have an answer. She keeps looking back at the ramp too. I get the feeling Collins just screwed both of them. [GZ] Well, Parker's about to have a whole lot of time to find out. Dan Rierson from behind with a knee to the back and he unceremoniously sends Parker over the top rope. Nighty night loser!!! [AB] NOT SO FAST GREG! Parker has grabbed a hold of the top rope and he's showing incredible strength by pulling himself back into the ring. [GZ] Good for him. He still is going to be completely alone in this royal rumble. Rierson and Mauritz are going to pick him apart and there's no one to help him. [AB] Parker really looks distressed in there. As evident by his near elimination he is obviously not concentrating on this match. [GZ] Well that's a dumb move on his part. As we've said winning this royal rumble is the first step towards a EWC world title shot. And from his recent performances, this is the ONLY way Parker's going to get one of those. [AB] Mauritz locks up with Parker. Neither man gaining a real advantage until Rierson steps in with a big boot to Parker's ribs. [GZ] That sure broke the lock up. There's a hard shot to the stomach and Mauritz grabs Parker and rocks him with a bell ringer. Parker is doubled-over and Rierson picks him up--spiked powerbomb!!! I'm surprised the Queen can hold back her urges to cheer. [AB] Enough with these unwarranted attacks on the Mississippi Queen. (TR-PARKER, clap, clap, clapclapclap) [GZ] I don't see her leading those cheers. [AB] Rierson and Mauritz talking strategy...they're setting something up. Both men move to opposite corners...they're measuring Parker and as he rises they're charging. PARKER DROPS DOWN AND THEY COLLIDE HEAD FIRST!!! (huge pop) [GZ] That's awful! They've got the two on one advantage, why on earth would they take suck ridiculous risks. Just stay on top of him and pound away. [AB] Parker rolls into the corner to collect himself. He knows he's going to have to be very careful in there with both Rierson and Mauritz wanting to take him out more than ever. Parker makes a move forward but both men get up so he backs off. [GZ] It's like a game of chicken--somebody's going to have to do something here. Since Parker is out-numbered AND trapped might I suggest he just step over the top rope and call it a night. [AB] Why don't we just stick to reality Greg, he's been doing just fine so far. Rierson breaks the stalemate and charges forward but Parker side steps, grabs his head and smashes it repeatedly into the turnbuckle. [GZ] But that leaves him open to Mauritz who's already coming off the ropes with a full head of steam! [AB] Parker knew he was there though and he grabs Rierson and pulls him in front--Mauritz can't hit the breaks and he goes soaring into Rierson who flies over the top rope to the floor!!! [GZ] I cannot believe I just saw that. Mauritz's performance in the last few seconds, suggesting just why he's wearing that loser costume. Any two men with a semblance of intellect should have ousted Parker minutes ago. [AB] Well Rierson seems to agree with you as he's refusing to leave and jawing with Mauritz. "Stunning" Steve is laughing at Rierson and he just spit at him. BIG MISTAKE Rierson clocks him with his helmet and he goes staggering towards Parker DDT!!! (PAR-KER, PAR-KER!!!) [GZ] I cannot believe this moron's luck. It's not like he's done anything to deserve all these breaks. I wonder who she sle-- [AB] Don't even say it. Parker going up to the top rope--he points to the fans STRUTTER-SAULT!!! Mauritz is out cold and Parker just sends him over the top and TR PARKER IS THE WINNER!!! (HUGE POP) DING, DING, DING.... ***************************** **Winner: TR Parker, 21:41** ***************************** [AB] And TR Parker is going on to Hardcore Homecoming to face the winner of the royal rumble on Lord of the Rings. [GZ] This is unbelievable. And here comes Harpo the Hussy. [AB] As Wayne Winans hands TR Parker his check he's joined by the Mississippi Queen to celebrate. She raises her man's hand in the air and--NO!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!! The Queen just blasted Parker with that metal horn and now she kicks a field goal to the family jewels. WHAT IS SHE DOING!?! (booooooooooo!) [GZ] I TOLD YOU BISHOP!!! The Queen was playing Parker for a fool! Now she grabs the check from his hand and starts towards the ropes, but only after one more horn shot for good measure. (craaaaaaaaaack whooooooooooooore...quickly get muted) [AB] That ungrateful, disgusting woman is heading up the aisle waving that check and just laughing it up. Now she's going towards the...oh no...this is getting even worse... [GZ] JOSHUA COLLINS IS THERE TO GREET HER! HAH!!! What a set up!!! Collins took the night off, let Parker win the rumble and now he's taking the money and the woman!!! This makes my night and we're only one match in!!! (the crowd is going beserk) [AB] I am stunned. Winans goes to check on Parker but he shoves him away. Parker is irate and rightfully so. He sees the duo leaving on the video wall and Parker is out of the ring trying to move as fast as he can. Listen to him he's just screaming at the top of his lungs. [TRP] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLIIIIIIIIIIIINSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!!! [GZ] Ah, that was just beautiful. I hope we get to see that on replay again and again this weekend. [AB] You've got issues Greg. If I were Collins and the Queen I'd get in my car and never stop driving. If Parker gets a hold of either of them it's going to be ugly. [GZ] Unless they outsmart him again. [AB] Fans, I think we all need a minute to compose ourselves. When we get back, it's the EWC Tag Team Champions in action.