EWC WAKEUP CALL - WEEK 2
TV report by Shawn Pearce.
Hey folks, Shawn Pearce with another TV report.
The intros run, and Adrienne Solo and Colossians Washington are
standing in the control room booth. The big news they're going
on about is that Fuego is the new World champ and they're gonna
show the match today on Wakeup Call. They've also got Curtis
"C-Jack" Stone vs. Chris Anderson in the Wakeup Call Main Event,
plus appearances by Jon Owens, a new guy called Militar de Furia,
and 2 Cool Dudes. They're starting however, with some words from
the Samaritan:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
{"The Best I Can" by Queensryche plays as the Samaritan makes his way
to the ring, pausing to grab a mic ... as he reaches the center of the
ring, he spreads his arms, and takes a backwards swan-dive to the mat,
laying motionless for several moments ...}
[Samaritan]
{Still prone} "You learn a lot of sad, harsh things right here, like
this ... you learn that the ceiling lights can be brighter than they
seem. You learn that 3 seconds can be an eternity. You learn that
sometimes the training, the vitamins, and the prayers don't mean a
damn thing if the other guy's better, hungrier, or just doesn't care.
And you learn that nothing, NOTHING that guy does will hurt you more
than the ref raising somebody else's arm.
{He sits up}
The thing is, though, that kind of learning is what we get PAID to
do. We make a commitment to this ring, this sport, this school of
hard knocks. It's our JOB to risk that. Last week, a young man
learned some of those lessons as thoroughly as any of us who enter
the ring. But nobody was paying him. He didn't get hurt because he
was hoping for a win, or thinking about a championship, or even
for the paycheck. He got hurt because somebody was saying things
he didn't like, didn't believe in, and he stood up for what he did
believe in.
So, Jade Tiger, does that bother me? You're damn right it does. Of
course, that was the whole point, wasn't it -- you've got a history
of trying to get at those people you don't like by taking it out on
people who shouldn't be involved. You've got a history of judging
people by where they come from rather than who they are, and crowing
about your own country as if it made YOU a better person. And you've
also got a history of hiding behind fellows tough enough to keep you
safe, but not smart enough to keep from being used.
Well, JT, as it happens, I'm a student of history ... and that
vaunted culture you're so proud of has a rather long-standing
tradition of gestures that are bold, grandiose, impressive -- and
ultimately failures. The Boxer Rebellion found out it wasn't
bulletproof. The Great Leap Forward sent a whole country backward.
The Great Cultural Revolution proved to be just plain revolting.
Iron Bull, you're definitely impressive. You're bold. You're
grandiose. But next week on Lords of the Ring, there's one thing you
WON'T be: you won't be walking out with a win.
{He rolls out of the ring to return the mic, and makes a slow round
of the front-row fans while his opponent heads to ringside}
======================================================================
THE SAMARITAN vs. Walt "The Walrus" Chizzneski
The Samaritan took a great deal of time interacting with the fans,
meanwhile, and Chizzneski took the opportunity to harass the official,
demanding to be declared the winner via countout ... as such, he
overlooked the Samaritan entering the ring until the latter was right
behind him -- a tap on the shoulder later, and Walt found himself
floorbound thanks to a scoop bodyslam.
As Chizzneski got to his feet, the Samaritan whipped him into the
turnbuckle, and followed it up with a shoulder tackle, before
disorienting the larger man with a series of bodyslams and running
clotheslines. As he cinched up for a gutwrench suplex, however, Walt
caught him with a below the belt shot, and used the distraction to
buffalo the masked man off his feet. He stomped him a few times for
good measure, then charged into the ropes to come off with a very
impressive cannonball splash -- which caught only bare mat, as the
Samaritan rolled out of the way. (Washington comments that speed
was never one of Chizzneski's strong suits, even when he was MWA
champion and part of Billy Shears' Band)
Standing, the Samaritan scooped and pressed all 390 pounds of "Walrus" over his head, then slid him down into an atomic drop. As Chizzneski stumbled around trying to reach his bearings, the Samaritan hopped onto the second rope, and powered himself off to nail a clothesline to the back of Chizzneski's neck. Walt went down like a harpooned whale, and the Samaritan rolled him up for the 3-count.
WINNER: The Samaritan, by pinfall 3:12
THOUGHTS: Obvious build to a Samaritan/Bull feud, a good place for
both of them to be to start, as Samaritan has a bit more heat,
but both are riding fairly old-school gimmicks..the hated foreigner
vs. the heroic goody twoshoes. Still, it should be fun.
They go to commercial, and they show bits of the Chris Sim vs.
Jay Gillette match (at least what can be shown at 11 in the
morning on a Saturday), including that Lawn Dart that Grendel
hit him with. Sim may be a loudmouth, but give him credit for
taking a bump like that. Owwwch.
They then talk a little bit about Jon Owens and his situation
with Roker Showtime. Washington goes off about a feud he had in
the early 70's against Wilhelm von Schultz, where Shultz used to
talk about the superiority of the Nazi Race, and about how he could
take "ol' C.W." down in a shot..but it took C.W. close to 2 months
to get Schultz to sign a match. C.W. basically gets to the point
and says Owens needs to meet Showtime in the ring or shut up.
JON OWENS vs Bean Martinez
Martinez was already in the ring while Owens walked down the aisle as "El Phantasmo and the Chicken Run Blastorama" by White Zombie played over the PA. Owens momentarily turned to a ringside fan holding up a
"Roker is God" sign, allowing Martinez to land a pescado [slingshot
plancha] as the bell rang. Martinez then immediately rolled back in
the ring, climbing up on the turnbuckles to get the crowd worked up.
By this time, Owens had rolled into the ring. As Martinez was on the
turnbuckles, Owens climbed up behind him, hitting a forearm shot to
the back before taking him back into a belly to back superplex. Jon
then went suplex happy, hitting a northern lights suplex, a released
German suplex, 2 rolling Dragon suplexes, before landing a belly to
belly suplex. After taking time to taunt the fan with the pro Roker
sign, he went back to Martinez - only to get rolled up in a small
package for a one and a half count. Both men got back to their feet,
and Owens flattened Martinez with a clothesline. He then locked on
the STF for the submission win. Postmatch, Owens went back to the
Showtime fan, taking the sign and ripping it apart.
Winner: Jon Owens, by pinfall 3:45
TNOUGHTS: I disagree with C.W.....it's *way* too soon for Owens and
Roker to meet....Owens needs to get over a little more first, especially if Roker's to get the belt back in time for Slamrock, like
so many of the internet pundits are saying (Then again, these are the
same people that said Mankind would never hold the WWF title). The build on this is fine...I think in the meantime, tho, it may be good
for Owens and Happy Dawson to fight, to give the feud somewhere to go.
Another commercial break...and then:
MILITAR de FURIA vs. Jimmy "saturday night" LeFebvre
LeFebvre is already in the ring and is yelling at a fan in the audience
who is making fun of his dancing skills. 'Faith' by Limp Bizkit blares
over the PA system and newcomer Militar de Furia runs out from the
curtain and starts slapping hands on his way down. He jumps up onto the apron and slingshots over the ropes raising his hands in the air to a decent newcomers pop. LeFebvre jumps him before the bell and the match gets under way.
LeFebvre dealing it out to the luchadore with a series of
right hands, he whips Militar into the ropes and hits a hard clothesline. LeFebvre does a disco step to boos of the crowd, but the jeers quickly change to a roar of approval as Militar flips up off the ground, spins "Saturday Night" around and delivers an awesome super kick that sends LeFebvre over the top rope to the outside. The masked luchadore runs to the opposite side of the ring, and charged back hitting a perfect suicide dive nailing LeFebvre into the guards rail. Militar gets up, a bit shaken, but not too much as he jumped up onto the guards rail and hits a moonsault right on target as cheers filled the arena (mainly because he's working his butt off out there).
Militar roles LeFebvre onto the apron and hops up himself. He waits until LeFebvre is standing and flips over the disco star into a Tarantula. Militar de Furia then throws LeFebvre back into the ring and scales the top turnbuckle, raises his hands in the air, jumps around to face the audience and moonsaults, yet in mid air spins over into a senton guillitine leg drop...what he calls La Rociada Meteoro. Militar covers and the three count is made. "Faith" cues up again and the crowd shows there approval with a strong, if not deafening, pop.
WINNER: Militar de Furia, by pinfall 4:33
THOUGHTS: Well, EWC gets its first legit luchador. If he does the
luhchador thing like most luchadors do, he's gonna get over on his
ring talent and not his interviews...which is fine, as the LH division, outside of Grendel and Curtis, isn't impressing me very much so far.
I'm hoping more people get over as the result of the tournament, but
what I've seen so far isn't very hopeful.
As Furia is leaving, he's passed in the entryway by John Silver...
then by "The Chic Sheikh" Sidi al Nassir, who basically waves
him off as he's passing..this segues into...
"the Chic Sheikh" SIDI AL NASSIR vs. John Silver
Silver tried for an initial tie-up, but the Sheikh ducked to the ropes. John offered the collar-and-elbow a second time, and again al Nassir ducked between the ropes. The third time around, SIlver went to throw a punch and the Sheikh bailed completely out of the ring, walked halfway around and got in an arguement with a ringside fan. This turned out to be amistake as al Nassir turned back to the ring just in time to catch a vicious plancha that sent both men into the ringside barrier. Silver reached his feet first and in time to execute a DDT onto the concrete after which he rammed al Nassir's head into the ringpost and then rolled the Chic Sheikh back into the ring. The next three minutes
showed why Silver was an All-American, twisting Nassir like a pretzel and hitting some stiff forearm smashes, followed up by a *HARD*
Gut-wrench salto that got the crowd into it. The inevitable turning point came with Silver sailing off of the top turnbuckle in a
frog splash - right into the raised knees of al Nassir. With the
momentum reversed, the Chic Sheikh hit a snap kick to the groin, a
piledriver, and an elbow drop before climbing the ropes himself to land
an off-the-top-rope somersault leg drop. al Nassir then dragged
Silver to ring center and locked on the Crossed Arms Camel Clutch.
30 seconds later, John nodded his submission to referee "Reverend"
Ray Chapman who ordered the bell rung. Unfortunately, al Nassir
refused to release the hold. After a couple of minutes of fruitless
persuasion attempts, Chapman put a five count on al Nassir and, when
the Sheikh still refused to release his hold, awarded the DQ win to
Silver.
WINNER: John SIlver, via DQ 6:57
Sidi al Nassir was so into his revenge on Silver that he never heard the crowd pop as Militar de Furia came charging down the aisle, catapulted into the ring, and absolutely leveled al Nassir with a flying clothesline to break the hold. al Nassir scrambled
to his feet, only to be taken down again by a de Furia armdrag, tried a
second time and Militar hit a lightening quick hurricarana, then al Nassir rolled out of the ring before another shot could land. As Militar checked on the apparently unconscious John SIlver, al Nassir headed ringside and grabbed a mike.
[al Nassir]
You.........you, in the ring wearing the tasteless mask......by what right do you presume to interfere in the affairs of your better, peasant?
[Militar]
(in latino accent) What right do you have to be inflicting more pain than should be allowed. The bell did ring, you won, why should you get away with what you have just done. He is still a man, and does not deserve that kind of punishment.
[al Nassir]
You think that lackwit buffoon deserves better than he received.....HAH!......he is an uncultured, unlettered, unwashed
cretin from a third rate backwater country whose primary products are undrinkable beer and unspeakable food.
[Militar]
In Mexico, we do not tolerate that kind of behaviour, it is dealt with
swiftly. Where I come from, there were glorious Aztec pyramids erected, which still stand today in all it's splendor just like the bond that exists between all latinos. Our ancestors were men of pride and dignity, which is a lot more than I can say for your sake.
[al Nassir]
Witless braggart.....MY anscestors were conquering most of the civilized world whilst yours were still cutting out each others hearts with stone knives.
[Militar]
Callate, cerdo blasfemo! I will show you what pride and respect are all about. I challenge you to a match, accept if you are up to the
challenge!
[al Nassir]
It will my pleasure to accomodate you at the first available opprotunity, oh mongrel son of a nameless father. And when I do, what that mockery of a true man at your feet suffered will only be the beginning of what you will endure.
(al Nassir exits to boos, catcalls, and thrown trash as SIlver is stretchered out)
THOUGHTS: I think I heard better dubbed English in the Curtis/Grendel video. =) Seriously, it was a rocky way to get a feud going, but
it served its' purpose...and at the very least their prelim round
match on LotR should be interesting.
Another commercial, then they go to:
JEREMY BYRON vs. Neil Nerdlinger
Old-time EWC fans remember this geek, a 150 pounder wearing
coke bottle glasses and a pocket protector...until "Tubthumping"
by Chumbawamba comes on and Byron gets a *huge* pop. He's now
wearing a "Byron" blue velvet ring jacket with gold trim...in the
colors of Michigan University, where he apparently got his undergrad
in Sports and Exercise Training. (That was a C.W. tidbit)
Another thing Byron had was confidence..he was smiling, and
went into the ring and actually accepted some fan support.
Too bad that Nerdlinger decided to jump him before the
bell with a low blow. Nerdlinger slammed forearm after forearm
on the back of Byron, until a whip to the ropes where Byron
leaped over a backdrop attempt, came back, and hit a nice spinning
elbowsmash. A couple of savate kicks later, and Byron had
Nerdlinger backed up against the ropes. Nerdinger used the confusion
of referee Mason Crow to stick a thumb in the eye of Byron. Nerdlinger
follwed up with a *weak* attempt at a clothesline, but Byron ducked
it...SUPERKICK to the mush of Nerdlinger. Byron with a couple
of forearms, a whip to the opposite buckle, and a Stinger splash
that rocked Nerdlinger. He then stuck Neil between his legs and
lifted the 140 lb, 5'4" shrimp into a powerbomb.
He picked up Nerdlinger, but Neil again got a low shot in,
followed by a headbutt to the sternum. But Nerdlinger's
attempt at a neckbreaker was reversed into a 3/4 nelson
neckbreaker (popularly known as the Stone Cold Stunner) that
Byron terms "The Equalizer" for the 1...2....3. AFter the match,
Byron did a lap around the ring, really getting into the fan
support.
WINNER: Jeremy Byron, by pinfall +1
THOUGHTS: So Byron is now undefeated in the EWC. About time this
kid got a push. I have a feeling there's some angle involved here
that we don't know about yet, but so far, so good...Byron's a talented
kid that I have a feeling is gonna be a player within the next year
or two, if he keeps working.
They then show the last 6 minutes of the Fuego/Roker match. DAMN
good match, and I'm surprised it ended clean. I have to wonder what's
going to happen, as there's a lot of matches between now
and Slamrock, where Roker definitely has Barry Bromowitz in the
ring (THAT should be a classic) and Fuego will more than likely
have match 5 with Sim, if it goes that far. We'll see what happens..
Next we had:
2 COOL DUDES vs. VENOM
VENOM came to the ring first, getting some "Token Boos" for
being a well-known, although slightly ancient, team. "One
Week" by the Bare Naked Ladies then started up, and Stevie
M. and Tommy B. Cool ran to the ring to a good-natured pop.
No big explosion or flashing lights, though. Apparently,
a WoW prelim match does not warrant such cash spendage.
Before entering the ring, though, they were stopped by
Adrienne Solo in the aisle.
...
[Adrienne]
Guys, a word please? Last week, we saw you take on, and
defeat, the Children of Apocalypse. But afterwards, they
took the chair to both of you, beating you senseless...
[Stevie]
According to some people, that doesn't take much.
(laughs from the crowd, and a quick high five between
the Dudes)
[Adrienne]
I'll bet. But, as I was saying, they beat you savagely
after the match. Any thoughts on that?
[Tommy]
Ouch? (more laughs) No, seriously, the Children of Apocalypse
did what they did to prove a point. Problem is, the only point
they proved is that their name is appropiate. They acted just
like spoiled children.
[Stevie]
Now, you know us Ady...
[Adrienne]
Don't call me Ady.
[Stevie]
'K, Ady, but you know us, we're 2, we're cool and we're dudes.
But if there's something that can get under even our cool skin,
it's two sore loo-o-ooooseeerrrsss. Now, if you'll excuse us,
Ady...
[Adrienne]
I told you...
[Stevie]
... we have a match.
---
This left the confused Ady, sorry I mean Adrienne, in the aisle,
while the Dudes slid into the ring, straight into a double boot
to the head from Arsenic and Cyanide. Cue beatdown, as the ref
tried, unsuccesfully, to get things under control and get two
members of either team on the outside. It finally worked, when
Cyanide threw Tommy out of the ring, and took up his place on
the apron. Inside the ring, Stevie was being hammered pillar
to post and back to the pillar and then back to the post again,
and... you get the picture. Somehow, though, he always got a
few rollups here and there. First out of a kneelift where he
twisted around the knee into a rollup, then out of a powerbomb
where he flipped over Arsenic for a sunset flip.
The first real break the Dudes got, was when Stevie flipped
out of a back body drop, landind on his feet. A quick kick to
the stomach was caught by Arsenic, but Stevie quickly jumped
up, turning it into his Enziguri kick called the... "Gesundheit"?
Well, if the announcers say so. This gave Stevie an opportunity
to tag Tommy, and, after a double dropkick, Tommy began to work
over Arsenic, with a flying clothesline and an inverted DDT
being the bigger moves. He also got a two count with a Camel
Clutch cradle (put opponent in a camel clutch, then press his
head down until he somersaults over, shoulders on the mat),
that Cyanide broke up.
Before the Dudes could capitalise on their hot streak, though,
Arsenic raked the eyes and got the tag to Cyanide. Now, not
being the legal man anymore, Arsenic was free to toss Tommy
outside the ring, while Cyanide went to work on Stevie, who
had entered the ring to help his partner. On the outside,
"Poisonous" Pete McGee was standing ready, and, after an
Arsenic piledriver, held up Tommy to be hit with a clothesline.
Unfortunately, by now, Arsenic had a shoulder block leap
frogged and a chin superkicked, so when Cyanide ran in with
the clothesline, Stevie planchaed, no not Cyanide... no, not
Pete, Stevie planchaed Tommy out of the way, leaving McGee
to take the clothesline. After begrieving the momentary loss
of his manager, Cyanide turned around into a Tommy spinebuster,
spiked by a Stevie superkick.
With Cyanide suitably disposed off, the Dudes turned their
attention to Arsenic. While Stevie ran around to the other
side of the ring, Tommy entered the ring with a springboard
shoulderblock that knocked Arsenic silly. Stevie quickly
climbed to the top rope, and Tommy lifted Arsenic up for
an Electric Chair Suplex. The top rope spin wheel kick by
Stevie completed the move and Tommy got the 1, 2, 3.
WINNERS: 2 Cool Dudes, by pinfall. 5:12
After the match, as Stevie and Tommy were partying in the ring,
the lights went out. About 10 seconds later, the lights
came on, and Dan and Zach Rierson, the Children of Apocalypse,
were laying chairshots galore on the Dudes, until both were
down hard. The Riersons then hit "Full Redemption" (The
powerbomb/neckbreaker combo) on each of the Dudes before
walking back through the fans to a chorus of boos.
THOUGHTS: More feud fodder. Both teams can be very annoying,
but I think that's what makes them work well together..COA
seems like a Ministry of Darkness knockoff, and 2CD are a
poor man's Wave Runners, but both have their charm, and a good
feud can really show off what each of them can do.
They go to one more commercial, and then the main event....
CURTIS "C-Jack" STONE vs. CHRIS ANDERSON
Anderson comes out to "Perfect Strangers" by Deep Purple..
C.W. makes a note of saying that Anderson has experience
in the overseas feds, and is a very dangerous customer.
Once he's in the ring....
{"The House That Jack Built" by Metallica plays as Curtis Stone makes
his way down the aisle, mugging for less-than-appreciative fans; a
grimly subdued John Owens walks behind. As he reaches the end of the
aisle, the music switches to the theme from "The Odd Couple", as
Curtis genuflects to Owens, then pops back up to his feet as the
music fades and swings onto the ring apron, pair o' mics in hand.}
[Stone]
Hel-LOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, BUF-FALO!!!!
{This probably won't get cheers, us not being in Buffalo and
all. :) }
[Stone]
Yeah, I wish you people were Buffalo, too! Instead, you're just you,
so you'll have to settle for being awed in the presence of the Elite
Athlete of the EWC!!!
{If you look really close, you can see the lips of the fans chanting "BULL=SHIT"..except it's Saturday morning and it's being
edited. =) }
[Stone]
OK, pipe down and perk up, 'cuz I've got a question to ask ...
Mirror, Mirror, on the wall ... who's the aces of them all?
{The video wall flares to life with another grinning beshaded
close-up of C-Jack's face.}
["virtual" Stone]
Be it Roker or Feelgood, Ernie or Bill,
C-Jack's shoes no-one else can fill!
[Stone]
THAT's what I thought! But, enough about me -- let's talk about
YOU, Chris Anderson ... guys like you are a blight on this sport.
The LAST thing the EWC needs is another one of you dime-a-dozen,
no-talent punks fresh out of the academy, proud as punch about
the four pretty moves some geezer taught you for $60 a day.
YOU, Chris Anderson, are NOT a wrestler! You're a WANNABE! If you
want to stick around here, you'd best get some mousse in that hair,
cap those teeth, and get a boa and some bangles, because the ONLY
way you're going to keep your job is to be pretty-boy like Roker,
and sell some posters and action figures! THIS man beside me, Jon
Owens -- THIS man is a WRESTLER. He is an ATHLETE! And not only am
I going to show YOU up as the pretender you are, I'm DEDICATING
that performance to the top technician in the Power Supply, my
compadre here!
{drops both mics and gets in the ring.}
As Anderson turns around as the bell is rung, he's hit with a
running spear by Stone. Stone takes the moment after to turn
around and preen and priss for the fans...only to not notice
that Anderson gets up almost immediately...Stone turns around
to what has to be *the* hardest chest slap I've heard in months.
Stone falls down like a shot, and rolls out of the ring to
confer with Owens for a moment. Unfortunately, Anderson follows
him out and starts smacking him some more, sending him around the
ring until Stone rolls back in...as Anderson follows, Stone
immediately lays the boots into his gut area. Stone is up,
runs to the ropes, corkscrew elbowdrop (tm Budro, Inc.), cover,
2 count. Stone immediately following up with a short-arm clothesline,
then a Canadian Backbreaker with the added pain of being rammed
headfirst into the turnbuckle afterwards. A blip later (the
match was obviously edited, Stone hits a pendulum backbreaker,
then gets up and yells "That's it, baby!" He sets Anderson
on the top rope, setting up for the "Hijacker" Super Spinebuster..
Anderson counters with a shot to the jaw, then flips Stone over
into a top rope powerbomb, following up *immediately* with a
swan dive headbutt and a cover...1...2...3!!!!!!
WINNER: Chris Anderson, via pinfall 5:12
Anderson is still out of it afterwards, allowing Stone and Owens
to stomp Anderson down afterwards. Stone is livid that he lost.
However, the stompdown ends fairly quickly as Dr. Feelgood hits
the ring carrying Bertha the baseball bat, and both the heels
scatter as Feelgood swings at Stone on the floor.
THOUHTS: C-Jack vs. Feelgood, huh? That's a good way to get Stone
over as a heel...although I swear all the promoters use Feelgood for
anymore is to put over young guys. Just once, I'd love to see
Feelgood win a feud against a younger, non-hardcore kind of guy...
but Feelgood lives for the brawl now..it's what he's good that.
I wouldn't be surprised to see EWC start some sort of hardcore
championship just so Feelgood can have some fun.
===============================================================
Next week the feature match is Roker vs. Dr. Destructo. Should be
fun. Until next time....