[The scene opens on a dingy little gym. The mortar is crumbling from between the cinder blocks, half the light fixtures have burnt-out bulbs, and the wrestling ring which dominates the room is patched and decrepit. Titus is standing in the ring, flanked by two other men: to Titus' right is a lightly-built black man in a black singlet with a pair of big, red, smiling lips airbrushed on the front, and on Titus' left is a bulky caucasian in blue tights with his thumb taped up to unreal dimensions, a la Don Muraco.] [Titus] Hey folks... Here I am, in my old stomping grounds... New York's own West Side Glory promotion. See, I've been trying to figure out why every time I try to wrestle a match in EWC, I wind up getting hit with a chair or something instead, you know? It's kind of like that one movie, you know, where these three guys are trying to find this woman -- [Titus stops and looks at someone, apparently behind the camera.] [Titus] What...? Oh, yeah. Sorry. So, anyway, I finally figured it out: guys like The Philosopher and Ronnie Frown just don't know the rules, man! I mean, you take some things for granted, you know, like driving on the right side of the road -- wait, the left side... no, the right side... [He stops for a moment, lost in thought] ...anyway, like, someone from a foreign country wouldn't know which side is the right side, right, and they'd get it all wrong, right? Anyway, I though I'd help out those guys who just don't know what they're supposed to do... and I got some of my ol' buddies from my WSG days to help out. The guy with the grin is James "Grin" Gabler... [Grin waves, grinning] ...and this man is my old tag-team partner, Joey "The Thumb" Lozano. How's it goin', guys? [Joey] Titus, my man! Is this really gonna be on TV? [Grin] What's up, Titus? [Titus] Okay, here goes today's lesson, for all you confused EWC wrestlers out there... listen up, in case you've been, like, fighting in the aisles or with chairs or whatever... this is how wrestling works... Okay, first thing: there's this little table down there [he points to the timekeeper's table], and there's this dude who sits there all night who keeps track of the time. He rings a little bell, and that bell is what starts the match... like, you don't do anything before this thing rings... [to Joey and Grin] See, there's lots of guys in EWC who, like, don't know that, man! It's crazy! [Joey and Grin nod] [Titus] So, the thing to do is watch the referee -- oh, hey -- Jake! Come on down, man! -- Jake Karowski's like, the best ref ever! [A middle-aged, balding, pot-bellied man in a somewhat threadbare striped shirt waddles to the ring.] [Titus] This is the referee -- sorry, I should've covered that first. The striped shirt always gives the ref away, though. You can't miss him, man. Anyway, he tells the time keeper when to ring the bell, and he also reminds you of the rules and stuff during the match, so you need to listen to the ref, 'cause he can really help you out if you get stuck or forget something. Okay, so let's say the bell's rung, and the wrestling has started -- dudes, go through some warm-up stuff, okay? [Joey and Grin start going through some basic matwork. After a few moments, Joey pushes Grin back into the ropes, and Jake the ref calls for a break.] Okay, freeze! See, this is a "break." The ropes are kind of out of bounds -- like "Red Rover," remember? See, when the guy in the middle says "Red Rover, Red Rover, send Johnny on over," and then Johnny has to run across to the other side, but he can't go -- [Titus stops, again apparently at the behest of someone behind the camera.] Oh, yeah... okay, so when you're out of bounds, you have to stop and start over. Got it? [Joey breaks cleanly with Grin, and the two resume their warm-up.] So, let's say one dude goes out of the ring -- go ahead, Grin-man... [Grin baseball slides out of the ring.] Okay, now you might think, 'Dude, I should go out there and wrestle there, too!' But don't, okay? Because it's out of bounds! See, the ropes are out of bounds, so *outside* the ropes is out of bounds too. Get it? [Joey "The Thumb" climbs outside, too, and picks up a folding chair.] Oh, hey, good one, Joey! See, you might think, 'Well, since I'm out here, I might as well use stuff that's there, to help me win...' But see, that's against the rules, too. Just think to yourself, 'This is called "wrestling," so that means I have to wrestle and not box or whatever,' and you'll be okay! [Behind Titus, Joey and Grin have climbed back into the ring. Grin is no longer smiling.] So, anyway, I think that about does it -- wait until the bell rings, listen to the referee, stay in the ring, don't use heavy stuff to hit people... cool. Okay... well, hey, thanks to Joey and Grin, for -- [Joey and Grin rush Titus. Titus turns and ducks Grin's clothesline, but Joey nails him with the chair, sending him crashing over the top rope. Joey goes out after him, while Grin goes out of the ring through the other side to find another chair. Joey kicks and punches Titus, then pauses and looks at the camera.] [Joey] Sorry, Titus, but this is our shot at the big time, man! If we lay you out, we'll be sure to catch the attention of the EWC folks, and then it's good-bye, New York! WHOOO! [Joey winds up for a Thumb Shot, but Titus blocks it, and kicks Joey in the guts, then turns him around, puts him in a half-nelson, and bridges backwards, dropping Joey right on his head. Grin comes in for an overhead chair shot, but Titus rolls clear, and Grin catches Joey right in the face. Titus punches Grin, rams his head into the ring apron, then lifts him up in suplex position for the Out of Body Experience. He walks over to the little timekeeper's table and powerbombs Grin onto it from the suplex position. The table collapses under the impact, leaving Grin sprawling on the floor. Titus turns to see that Joey has staggered to his feet, and is weaving unsteadily towards him, holding the chair. Titus dropkicks the chair into him, knocking Joey back down. Titus then picks up Joey in a high bearhug, and delivers a *vicious* spinebuster across the ringside steps.] [Titus] WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE LATELY?!? JESUS, man, I've had about enough of this crap!! [He picks up a folding chair and WRAPS it around the ring post, completely deforming it.] Is the only way to get anything done any more is to BUST HEADS?!? [Titus throws the mangled chair down angrily, then turns to the camera.] That's it, man... show's over. Let's go. [Dejectedly, he walks away from the ring, and the scene fades out on Grin and Joey, laid out on the floor.] >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm going to let you in on a little secret, Mr. Moongarden, if you're watching. YES! Busting heads *IS* the only way to make a decent living in e-wrestling. It's kill or be killed, if you're not watching your back, a knife is going to go in it... just like it's been going in yours for the past few weeks. Well, *I* for one feel that there's nothing wrong with the way Titus does things. He's a *sportsman*, and that's something that's all too rare in this business. Well, of course it is, cause "sportsmen" get their ass handed to them on a constant basis. *MATCH FIVE* TV TITLE MATCH DR. DESTRUCTO vs. "The Philosopher" MIKHAIL TZSKOVA <<"Heaven for Everyone" by Queen plays, and the lights dim as a blue spotlight streams to the entrance, and Tzskova walks into it, face raises up, eyes closed. He wears his white robes with the purple sash with the initials of those that have been given his "lessons" aka, his finisher. After a moment, Tzskova walks past the light as the lights in the arena come back up. Tzskova then does his ritual of folding his sash and laying it on the announcers table>> Mikhail Tzskova, one of the men who has been given Moongarden so much trouble as of late, will be taking on the NEW EWC TV champ, Dr. Destructo, who will be going on to give "Nuclear" Nick Duncan his TV title rematch if he should get past "The Philosopher" tonight. OK, you want me to do my job? Here goes. This match is going to be a pairing of like styles. Both men go for the legs, both men use leg submissions as finishers. That having been said, the edge has to go to Tzskova... <<"Funeral March" by Chopin comes on and the crowd pops for the TV champ, who is headed down to ringside>> because Tzskova's "Final Word" Reverse Figure Four is a far more complex move than just crossing a guys legs and sitting on them. I think if you ever found yourself in a Dr. D. Texas Cloverleaf, you'd see how effective it really is. Hey, that's not a bad idea. Not if Destructo isn't *too* attached to having teeth... *MATCH REPORT* Destructo actually did something very *un*face-ish by chop blocking Tzskova on the outside while Tzskova was folding his sash. Destructo then sent Mikhail's head right into the ring apron before throwing him inside. After that brief bit of brawling, the match was actually quite scientific, with *lots* of holds and counterholds being used, nearly all of which focused on the legs. Destructo mixed in some brawling with forearm smashes and clotheslines Tzskova took over at around the 5 minute mark, with hamstring pulls and elbows to the leg being used to bring down Destructo and keep him down for awhile. At one point, Tzskova even put on a Texas Cloverleaf in order to humilate Destructo as well as bring him pain. Still, Destructo would not give in. Finally, after two aborted attempts at appying the "Final Word", Tzskova finally got it in. Destructo held on for about a minute and a half before finally making it to the ropes. Tzskova still worked over Destructo until the Doc started to make a comeback with shots to the sternum, followed by a forearm uppercut. Destructo fended Tzskova off with forearms while he got the kinks back in his legs, but a ducked clothesline by Tzskova allowed "The Philosopher" to kick at Destructo's hurt knee to bring him down again. Another attempt at the "Final Word" saw Destructo reach up and grab the leg into what looked like a rather sloppy dragon screw.....until Destructo got to his knees and managed to cinch in the Texas Cloverleaf. Tzskova hung in there for about a minute...until the bell rang. Destructo thought that Tzskova had submitted, but the 15 minute time limit had expired. WINNER: Time Limit Draw, 15:OO And a well-fought match by both men. Very surprising, considering that as of late Tzskova has been nothing but a cheap shot artist and a stooge for Ronnie Frown. I wouldn't say that too loudly, Isaac...he has to come back for his sash, you know. But yes, I would say Tzskova took Dr. De-Suck-To to the limit, and if he had five more minutes, he'd probably have gotten the win. Well, the Doc is in the ring asking for that five more minutes right now, but Tzskova seems to want to call it a day. Folks, when we come back, we've got Mike Powers taking on Simon Sanders..and later tonight, Ronnie Frown against Damien Omega and the EWC World Title on the line!!!!! ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// -Only one thing kills one in 3 people that use it. Tobacco. -Come into TGI Fridays for the Jack Daniels grill. -RollerCoaster Tycoon for the PC, and now - Corkscrew Follies expansion pack -1-800-COLLECT. Save a buck or two. And keep Arsenio Hall employed. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< (Cut to backstage where we find Simon Sanders lacing up his boots for his match against Mike Powers.) [Cameraman] Mr. Sanders, you had some pretty strong words for the new Light Heavyweight Champion Bil Curtis after his victory at Hardcore Homecoming. Why the sudden change in attitude? (Sanders looks up and glares at the cameraman.) [Sanders] There ain't been no change in attitude, li'l man. Simon Sanduhs has always been Simon Sanduhs, an' I made it very clear dat I want da Light-Heavyweight belt. So Curtis-man just bettuh be ready, cuz' it ain't gonna be long befo' he faces da man who gonna put him on da shelf fo' good. [Cameraman] But you have a rematch tonight against "Revolution" Mike Powers. Don't you think you're looking past him? [Sanders] I ain't lookin' past no one, man. Sure I faced Powuhs-punk befo'. Yeah, I twisted his arm outta his socket an' left him cryin' in da ring like da baby he is. But apparently once wasn't 'nuff fo' him ta git da message. So tonight... (puts gym bag in locker and slams the door shut) he loses his utha arm. An' you bettuh be watchin' Curtis. 'Cuz what's gonna happen ta dat teenage brat is gonna happen ta you..... guaranteed. (Cut back to announcer's table) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> [PA] I'M THE SCATMAN!! <<"Scatman" by Scatman John plays on the PA>> Folks, we are back, and we've got an important match in the light heavyweight scene coming up here, as Simon Sanders and Mike Powers are both looking for some leverage in the scene...but there's also in the back of our mind a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT that Bill Curtis is supposed to make tonight. Now, the internet seems to have it's own ideas, and I can't confirm or deny that, but we're gonna see tonight. Well, regardless of Mr. Tumbleweak's idea of retiring or not retiring, this match is still important..Sanders is a former champ looking for the next title shot. Powers is coming off of a tough loss, some say cheap loss, to Furia. Both men are in a must-win situation here if they want to get close to that time. And Sanders stopping to give his mother, Vivian Sanders, a hug. Vivian in attendance tonight to see her son wrestle Ewwww...I think "Rebecca Rosenfeld" was a better looking woman than that old bat. She's got a face that has sunk a thousand ships! <<"Break Stuff" by Limp Biskit comes onto the PA and the crowd starts to boo LOUDLY!!!>> And the fans are none too appreciative of the entrance of one Mike Powers...and it looks as if he brought Abbott and Costello with him. YOWSA!!! Check out the pair..or should I say, the two pair...who are all over Lanny at the moment!! Their names are Tiffany and Amber, according to the sheet. T and A, huh. So why are they so hot for a load like Powers. I mean, I'm in shape. I'm virile. Why have finger food when the main course is only a few steps away. You're a pig. All men are pigs. We just can hose off the mud every once in awhile and play at being human. You should try it sometime. Well, apparently Lanny and *ahem* T&A are going to just stay at the top of the ramp while this Mr. WP has decided to come down with Powers. WHat do you make of that guy? Well, with his well-honed martial arts skills *snicker*, I'd say he's probably someone from Japan who's got an ugly face that just has to wear a mask so that he can be seen in public. That's pretty common over there, you know. You're disgusting. Referee Wayne Winans is trying to get Powers in the ring, but he's being a little slow in getting there. *MATCH REPORT* This was a weird variation on the normal beginning of the match...Sanders is slow to hook up while Powers is raring to go. They lock up once, Powers hits a chop in the ropes, then whips Sanders, but Sanders holds on to the ropes coming off and rolls outside, breaking the momentum. Mr. WP made a threatening advance, but Sanders cocked his fist and said he was ready for it. The stalling continued for about a minute, until Sanders slid in the ring, and they locked up again. Powers with a *STIFF* chop across the chest, but an attempted spin kick is caught by Sanders and Sanders just *falls* on the leg. From there, Sanders worked the leg using elbowsmashes, kneesmashes, and postholes into the mat, but never really letting go of the leg until Powers found his way to the ropes. He went through this again, each time holding the count to four before lettting go. And I'm not sure what's going through Sanders' head here, he's never been this agressive before. Look, this is an important match that he needs to win. This is intensity. Either that or he hasn't had a drink all day and he needs to calm his nerves. For the last time, Sanders doesn't drink anymore. He kicked the habit, he has his 6 month sobriety chip. Get..over...it. Speaking of over it, Sanders trying for a spinebuster but Powers floats over into a nice DDT. Powers taking a moment to walk off the legwork, but then uses his good leg to punt Sanders right into the stomach, then bounces off the ropes for a jumping knee into the back of Sanders, driving him to the mat. Powers then with an asai moonsault to the back of Sanders, then rolls him over for a 2 count. Powers picks up Sanders, sets him up for a snap suplex, but twists as he lifts to convert it into a neckbreaker. Spinning boot scrape to the face follows up, then he picks up Sanders. He hits a low kick, then a spinning kick to the midsection, then a kick to the chest, before running up the ropes..and having Sanders catch him *in midair* and dragon screw him to the mat, with Sanders falling *hard* on the knee he was working earlier. Sanders backs off, waiting for Powers to get up, then dropkicks the knee out from under Powers. He gets on the mat (a la Stone Cold), and loudly trashtalks Powers, calling him "wimp", "brat", and other epithets. He picks up Powers for a bodyslam and hangs him in a Tree of Woe, then dropkicks the knee while he's hanging upside down. Sanders goes for a dropkick to the face, but Powers sits up and Sanders slides outside...and turns right into a spinning heel kick from Mr. WP that knocks him across the ring steps. Powers uses the referee to help himself up while WP tossed Sanders back into the ring. Powers walked out the knee some more, then kicked Sanders right across the face. He whipped him to the opposite ropes and hit a roaring elbow, then springboarded off the second rope into a leg lariat that left him stunned in the center of the ring. He grabbed Sanders, got onto the second rope, then pulled him up into position for a 2nd rope tombstone piledriver that got 2 7/8ths count. Powers with a Rydien bomb before heading to the top rope, signaling for the skytwister press. He gets to the top rope...and Sanders dives for the ropes, allowing Powers to crotch himself. Sanders then climbs up with Powers, fighting, until Sanders hooks the arm and hits a single arm DDT from the top rope, which he immediately rolls over into the Duke. Powers is *screaming* to the point where WP grabs his legs and yanks him over to the ropes. WP turns around...and gets smacked right in the face with Vivian Sanders' purse. It only knocked him backward tho...right into a baseball slide dropkick by Sanders that sends WP headfirst into the guardrail. Sanders gets up and checks on his momma from the ring...only to be bulldogged across the top rope by Powers, slingshotting Sanders back. Powers gets back on the apron and slingshots himself onto the ropes for a springboard shooting star press (called the "Power Play" by Cross) and the one...two...three. WINNER: Mike Powers, by pinfall 10:21 And Powers and WP...a very DAZED WP, out of there like a shot, as Sanders is up already, and he's more surprised than he is hurt. That was enough, though....Powers got the victory he so desperately needed. Not by much, tho...Sanders had the Duke on Powers, and only WP saved him from tapping out. I have a feeling that "Star Power" is nothing more than thugs acting on behalf of Powers to keep him out of trouble. IF that's the case, then at least the dividend paid off tonight. When we return, we've got the North American Tag Team Titles on the line...NEXT.