[GZ]
This time it's Dan Rierson who has no idea what's happening outside of the
ring. He's perched up top waiting for Kenzake to get to both feet. Here
comes Turner!!!
[AB]
He leaps onto the apron and crotches Dan on the top rope--OW!!! What's
good for the goose...
[GZ]
Yeah, yeah, we all know--we can do without the cliches, Bishop. Things not
looking good for the Riersons, every time they seem poised to end things
the Weapons come out of nowhere to ruin things.
[AB]
Kenzake grabs Dan from up top and press slams him high into the air and
right onto the mat. Now the big guy is scaling the ropes in the other
corner...WORLD'S LARGEST MOONSAULT!!!
ONE...................
TWO.......................Zach is cut off by Turner on the floor.............
THREE!!! Weapons of Last Resort are victorious!!!
(the fans unleash a huge pop)
********************************************
** Winners: Weapons of Last Resort 10:07 **
********************************************
[GZ]
Weapons of Last Resort looking MUCH sharper here than they did at Hot
Summer Nights. You'd have to think they've recovered from that temporary
ring rust and jet lag from the constant traveling overseas.
[AB]
Which is why if I was Frozen Hell I'd be coming up with a way to chop
Kenzake down to size in a real hurry.
[GZ]
Reikkerson is a master ring general, he'll have the big oaf on the mat in a
hurry and once he's there, they won't let him up.
[AB]
What about Children of the Apocalypse? Who, by the way, are currently
being prevented from returning to the ring by a group of officials.
[GZ]
They need to regroup, they are on the verge of stardom, there's no doubt
about it--however, sometimes their risk taking and insanity-loving
tendencies backfire and they end up unable to function as a team--their
biggest strength. That's what happened here tonight.
("Murder, Inc." by Bruce Springsteen plays over the speakers..)
[AB]
Waitaminute...that's the music of Murder Inc.!!!!
[GZ]
HERE we go...now HERE's a pair of legends for you. Frank "The Assasin" Spinelli
and Terry "Hit Man" Haynes...they've been around almost as long as that suit of
yours, Bishop!!!
[AB]
They're standing at the entranceway, blocking the exit of the Weapons..I don't know
how smart this is...
[GZ]
They don't sweat these guys...see, they have a microphone, they're here to talk.
You know how to talk, right? On second thought, don't answer that.
[Assassin]
Since Terry and myself returned to full-time
e-wrestling, we've tried to uphold a high standard of conduct...
we've tried to stand for the old-style Family values of respect,
honor, and tradition...and you know where that has gotten us?
[Hitman]
RANKED #8 IN THE LEAGUE IS WHERE IT'S GOTTEN
US!.....The only "team" ranked below us is two singles losers
who happened to wrestle a tag-team match trying to find a way to
steal a win.
[Assassin]
Terry and I have tried to figure out what we were doing
wrong, but we couldn't find it....until it finally hit us...it wasn't
our fault...it was YOURS (points at crowd)
[Hitman]
YOU people, the American wrestling fans, have abandoned
Family values....and for WHAT?...no-talent street-brawlers,
burnt-out dopers, and freakish mutants?
[Assassin]
And that leaves Murder, Inc. with just one choice...we
have to sign a Contract...
"Hitman":
A Contract On America....and in the exercise of that contract
we're going to have to take out all the freakizoids, all the burn-out,
all the extremist bums, until YOU, the American wrestling fans, have
no choice....
[Assassin]
No choice but to return to the days of Family values,
Family entertainment, and Family wrestling. And that's why we're
out here tonight
[Hitman]
Weapons of Last Resort, you beat us once, in the tag team
tourney, by means of front-office grease and a last-minute double-
cross, so boys we want a re-match....
[Assassin]
Because in the Contract On America, you freaks are
number one on the hit list. You guys are number one...
[Both Men]
...WID A BULLET!!!
("Murder, Inc" starts again as the two leave the rampway...cut to a shot of
Kensake and Turner, who nod and smile in agreement, as we fade to black)
***COMMERCIALS***
[AB]
Next up we have an appearance from one of the greatest guys, and biggest
draws, in the EWC today, "The Strutter" T.R. Parker.
[GZ]
Lately I'd say he's one of the sneakiest players in the EWC--he's obviously
got something up his sleeves, I wouldn't trust him for one second.
[AB]
Regardless, you do have to give him credit for taking a match right after
Hot Summer Nights--he didn't have to after such a---
[PA System]
The following advertisement has been paid for by the Chaos Brigade. The
views and opinions forthcoming do not necessarily reflect those of the
Electronic Wrestling Council or its other sponsors.
[GZ]
What the hell is this?
[AB]
It's not on my format--I figured you'd know what was up.
[GZ]
Not at all. However, who, or what, ever it is seems to have bought air
time so I guess we should sit back and let it happen.
(The lights in the arena cut completely off as the video wall pops on--the
fans in the arena have no idea what to make of this.)
[VO]
Do you have problems getting respect?
(a shot of two big men grabbing a masked man in a suit and slapping him
around)
[VO]
Are you afraid to go to work?
(the masked business man is super kicked through a plate glass window into
a conference room of applauding executives)
[VO]
Do you find yourself constantly outnumbered?
(five hulking men with steel chairs surround the masked "executive" who
tries to escape only to get flattened)
[VO]
Well ENOUGH is ENOUGH!!! If you are a professional wrestler and answered
yes to any of the preceding questions then this announcement is for you.
(two giant men in black, silver and red face paint, and colored contacts
step into the picture--they can best be described as looking evil--the
letting under one reads Rip-Tide, under the other Vertigo)
[VO]
If you want revenge...if you want to take people out but you're
outnumbered...you're too weak, then you need the Chaos Brigade. Because,
if you can't bring yourself to do something, we can...for a price.
(cut to a montage of Rip-Tide and Vertigo going absolutely medieval on the
five big men from the earlier scenes--throwing them through tables, busting
them open, and laughing the entire time--then to a scene of the masked man
handing over a large wad of bills)
[VO]
Stay tuned for a free demonstration.
(the screen cuts to black as "Killing in the Name Of" by Rage Against the
Machine comes on--the video wall suddenly bursts into lights and the number
1-800-SMASHEM appears with "The Chaos Brigade", in block lettering
underneath it--standing on the entrance ramp are the two gentlemen from the
video--Rip-Tide and Vertigo, both men wear black, grey, and neon orange
camoflauge, black boots, and stand in at over 6'9 of solid muscle)
[AB]
What is this?
[GZ]
Apparently how our bosses are paying for airtime. All I know is that this
is certainly one weird-ass commercial. Hey, if you have a problem, I'd
love to see you go up to these two and tell them to leave.
[AB]
I think I'll pass.
[PA System]
Making their way to the ring, from wherever work takes them, weighing in at
a total comined weight of 575 pounds, here are RIP-TIDE, and VERTIGO, THE
CHAOS BRIGAAAAADE!!!
(the fans are silent, except for a few chanting BORING, and a few who boo
on principle)
[PA System]
And their opponents...
[AB]
We're having a match!?! Is this EWC-sanctioned?
[GZ]
I'm thinking so, look who's coming down the runway...
[PA]
Here are Bryan Grant and Jimmy LeFebrve, THE DISCO DANCE KINGS!!!
[AB]
Oh, man.
(the fans boo, both for these two hapless jobbers dancing down the aisle
and for this entire display)
===========================================|
The Chaos Brigade vs. The Disco Dance Kings|
===========================================|
"B.G." started out with Rip-Tide and it was ugly. Rip-Tide ducked a wild
haymaker, hooked Grant's arms and rocked him with repeated underhook
headbutts. When the stunned Grant was released he staggered right into
press slam that was converted to a backbreaker. A quick tag was made to
Vertigo and a double shoulder tackle followed. Vertigo stopped to stick
out his red tongue and show the crowd his tongue ring. They were NOT
impressed and the jeers let them know it. When he turned around to
clothesline Grant he overshot and caught an elbow to the jaw. A
desperation lunge brought "Saturday Night" LeFebrve into the ring full of
energy.
LeFebvre hit a running drop kick and then used a japanese arm drag to avoid
a charging Vertigo. The 6'11" monster was quick to his feet but was hurled
into the corner. LeFebvre charged in but ran right into a big boot.
Vertigo hooked LeFebvre lifted him high into the air and crushed him with a
corkscrew urinage followed by a high elevation leg drop. A tag was made
back to Rip-Tide and LeFebvre was dropped with a spinning backfist/leg
sweep combo. Rip-Tide covered but pulled LeFebvre up at two.
Grant reached in and made a blind tag, right before LeFebvre was staggered
by a running palm strike, so he was able to catch Rip-Tide from behind with
a second rope double axehandle. A spinning neckbreaker followed and for a
brief moment the Disco Dance Kings seemed to be picking up momentum...that
is until Grant took a moment to dance, and was then nearly decapitated with
a leaping clothesline. After a bell clap avalanche in their corner, he big
men had enough and decided to end things. Rip-Tide lifted Grant into the
air for a crucifix slam and, as he fell, it was spiked by a Vertigo top
rope lou thesz press. That was the "End Game" and the 1,2,3.
***************************************
** Winners: The Chaos Brigade, 5:49 **
***************************************
[PA System]
For more information call 1-800-SMASHEM. The Chaos Brigade...causing havoc
whether you like it or not.
(with that said, Rip-Tide and Vertigo congratulate each other, point to the
phone number on the video wall, and then leave to a smattering of boos)
[AB]
It seems to me as if we've just seen our newest players in the EWC tag team
scene.
[GZ]
It depends on who hires them and for what job. They weren't the most
polished team I've ever seen and they are obviously more used to out of
ring action, but they are both over 6'9" and 275 plus--that's just too big
to discount.
[AB]
Well I'll be curious to see who, if anyone, takes them up on their business
offer.
[GZ]
They could certainly be equalizers in many of the recent brawls we've seen.
Only time will tell whether they'll be a real force in the EWC.
[AB]
Well, fans, we apologize for that interuption and can FINALLY get back to
format and the T.R. Parker match we promised you. That should wake all of
you fans up!!!
[GZ]
This upcoming match is particularly interesting for two reasons. First is
that Parker is rumored to still be suffering the lingering effects of a
concussion suffered in the 3-way death match from Hot Summer Nights.
Second, his opponent tonight, Walt Chizzneski was defeated by Parker for
the MWA Heavyweight Title AND driven out of the fed in that very match.
Parker better watch himself since the Walrus just might be looking for
payback.
[AB]
Greg, he's never won a match in his entire EWC tenure.
[GZ]
Who knows, that might change in a big way tonight.
=======================================================|
"The Strutter" T.R. Parker vs. Walt "Walrus" Chizzneski|
=======================================================|
The Walrus paced back and forth with a frown peeking out from beneath his
huge moustache. When "Strutter" by KISS brought the fans to their feet.
"The Strutter" TR Parker slowly walked out to a sizable cheer, stopped
mid-aisle and just looked around the arena with his hands on his hips. A
couple of nods, and Parker opened his arms in deference to the crowd's
reaction and then broke into his trademark strut to the ring.
Parker rolled into the ring and immediately bumped chests with the much
bigger Walrus. The two men began to jaw with Parker being the first man to
break into a smile. Apparently, he said something that wasn't well
received since the Walrus responded with a two-handed shove that sent
Parker flying into the corner. Walrus followed up with a running knee into
the corner and threw Parker across the ring.
As Parker climbed to his feet the Walrus played to the crowd, turning in
time to eat a dropkick to the mush. Parker picked the bigger man up to his
feet, snapmared him over and bounced off the ropes with a dropkick to the
back of the head. Parker ran to the corner, climbed the ropes and soaked
in the crowd. Hopping down, Parker charged the Walrus with a forearm to
the head backing him to the ropes where an Irish whip into a shoulder block
to the gut doubled over the Walrus. Parker bounced off the ropes to go for
a bulldog, but didn't plan on the Walrus' recovery and subsequent
catch/conversion to a belly-to-back suplex.
The Walrus delivered a couple of stomps to Parker's head, and then did the
choke thing breaking at four, until the referee finally got into his face.
Caught in a coughing fit, Parker was easy pickings for the Walrus to pick
him up and put him on the top rope. Up climbed the Walrus for a superplex,
a struggle up top saw Parker land a couple of punches to the midsection and
leap off with a twist to snap off a Super Strutter Cutter!
Parker held his head as he crawled over with the cover and the three count
to a
big old pop.
******************************************
** Winner: "Strutter" T.R. Parker 8:16 **
******************************************
[AB]
And Parker with another resounding win. This man just looks unstoppable
these days.
[GZ]
What are you talking about? Parker did not look sharp in there and he's
obviously still feeling the effects of facing Sloan and Davidson. If
someone was targetting him, now just might be the time to strike.
[AB]
Between his skills and the behind-the-stage know-how of the Mississippi
Queen, I've got faith that he can ride through any alleged problems.
[GZ]
The Queen? What she's up to is a story for another time, Bishop. Our next
match is guaranteed to be a wild one since it's the very first defense of
the Cut N Shoot Heritage Championship--which means it's held under Spin the
Wheel rules.
=====================================|
CUT N' SHOOT HERITAGE STRAP MATCH: |
"Crazy" Jay Gillette vs. Ronnie Frown|
=====================================|
[AB]
I can tell you this fans, the wagon wheel was spun only a few moments ago
in the back and we're about to have ourselves a STRAP MATCH!!!
[GZ]
You know what's ironic about that? By attaching these two men by a strap,
Gillette may have a hard time taking this around the arena like he's known
for. This really may play right into Frown's strategy.
[AB]
I wouldn't take anything away from Gillette though. Every time I've seen
him in his latest EWC tenure, he's gotten better and better. Here he comes
now...
(The P.A. starts up with George Thurogood and the Destroyers'
"Bad to the Bone" and "Crazy" Jay Gillette heads down to the
ring wearing the Heritage Championship "belt." It is actually a
noose...allegedly stolen from one e-legend, Brewster Cogburn. The fans are
on their feet
barking, which brings a smile to his face. Once in the ring,
Jay removes the noose, climbs up on the second ring-rope, and
raises it over his head before swinging it wildly over his head to
another sizable crowd pop.
Jay jumps down from the ropes, catches a mic tossed to him
from the announcer's table while moving to ring center, and, as the
crowd noise starts to ebb, begins to speak.)
[JG]
For those of you who've been in a coma for the last week or
so, this here's what represents the Heritage Championship, which I'm here
tonight to defend. And I'd be happy to say that I'll be defending
it against a man who's more than earned his title shot. I'd be
glad to say that my opponent tonight is a man the fans can cheer
for without reservation.
(the fans mumble in confusion since they know who the opponent is)
[JG]
And I'd be proud to say that tonight's challenger is a man I can respect,
honor, and trust....
....BUT IF I SAID ANY OF THAT I'D BE LYING LIKE A DOG!!!!!
(the fans erupt in laughter and cheers)
[JG]
My opponent tonight is Ronnie Frown, the self-proclaimed
"Endurance King" of the EWC, a man who claims to have run
Happy Dawson out of the fed, a loud-mouth, barking dog who'd
rather use a weapon than wrestle a clean match. Well, let me tell
ya something Ronnie, I can do all that too. Everything but one
thing that is. You know how to talk the tough-guy talk Ronnie. I
only know how to walk the walk. So why don't you get your mangy
butt down here and see if you can't teach this ole dawg a new
trick!
(BARK! BARK! BARK!)
[GZ]
Our fans really displaying themselves as really sophisticated with this
display.
[AB]
They love Jay, what can you say--he's killed himself for them and they
certainly appreciate it.
[GZ]
Here comes someone who doesn't.
{"Ronnie" by Metallica cues up on the PA, as Ronnie Frown strides
down to the ring. He's wearing a starched white shirt with a gold
"Manager" pin on the pocket, a blue-and-white striped necktie,
and a "McDonalds" company cap. He picks up a mic before rolling
into the ring.}
(the fans are quick to laugh at him and Jay joins in)
[Ronnie Frown]
All right, everyone, go ahead and have your snicker. I figured,
given the overwhelming historical import of this here match,
I ought to dig up my old working threads for a little object
lesson, in having the right perspective.
See, Mr. Jay Gillette, these clothes here put Ronnie Frown
through school. 6 days a week and twice on Saturday, I put on
this stupid looking hat and shuffle into a cramped kitchen to
flip the burgers and shake the fries and wash the floors for
eight hours straight. And when you've put up with the backache
and the exhaustion and the complete lack of self respect for
long enough, this {pulls the pin off the pocket} is what you
get for a reward. And you know what this means? It means you
get to flip the burgers and wash the floors with a *tie* on
(flips up the necktie with a hand dismissively).
[AB]
Someone seems a little bitter here.
[GZ]
Shut up and let him talk.
[RF]
Now let me tell you some of the sad facts of life, Mr. Crazy
Jay Gillette ... you think you've done pretty well right now,
you think you're a 'champion' ... well, in my book, 'champion'
may as well be the word on this here pin, because after all
the hard work and breaking your body and spilling your blood
and getting you brains knocked around, you can take a long
proud look at that so-called "belt" you're carrying, and you're
gonna realize that all it means ... is that you get to let a
crazy broad from Texas call the shots for you.
(cue the infamous "shut the [bleep] up" chant)
[RF]
But above and beyond that, it means that YOU have to step into
THIS ring tonight against THE Endurance King of the
Summit Wrestling Association ... against the one man who can
tell you to just screw the spin and fight ALL eight matches on
that silly wagonwheel, dragging your motionless exhausted lump
of a body through every minute of the last five, if I so chose
-- with the only light at the end of the tunnel being the
right to walk out of here with the same gold sticky-star on
your waist that you came in here with. What it means, is that
you this little choice to make RIGHT NOW ... you can tell this
bunch of screaming loons that it isn't worth your time, your
pain, and your getting fed a Bitter Pill and shoved under the
carpet just for that rope trinket ... or you can GET USED TO
DISAPPOINTMENT.
{Ronnie tosses the mike out of the ring, and leans back
against the ropes, awaiting a response)
[GZ]
Strong words by the challenger showing an intensity that some have doubted
before. I didn't and, if you can find Happy Dawson's carcass I don't think
he does either.
[AB]
Let's see if he can back up these words tonight. So far all he's done is
waste a lot of air time and piss off the champion. If referee Mason Crow
wasn't trying to attach that strap to Gillette's arm he'd have already gone
after Frown.
[GZ]
Poor baby...as soon as Crow attaches the other side of the strap to Frown,
he'll get his chance. Frown hands his shirt and tie to the attendant and
here comes the strap.