[We fade in to the underground parking lot of the Broome County Arena where a white stretch limo is just pulling in through the raised garage door. The limo stops, the rear door opens and a beautiful blonde in a black evening dress gets out followed by Sidi al Nassir. As the live crowd is heard jeering in the background, al Nassir turns and assists out an equally beautiful brunette in a red evening dress. The Chic Sheikh is dressed in a white Armani suit and shirt with his black tie and red-and-white checked kaffiyeh providing the only color in his ensemble. He is also carrying a black walking stick. Adrienne Solo enters from off-camera carrying a mic.] [Solo] Excuse me, Mr. Nassir, I'd like to talk.... [al Nassir] Yes, of course you wish to talk to me Miss Solo, how could you resist my charm, grace, and sophisitication. I compliment you on your taste, madam. [Solo] ACTUALLY, I wanted to talk to you about... [al Nassir] One moment please, Adrienne...Boy, I say, over here boy... [Titus Moongarden enters from off-camera wearing jeans, a tie-dye shirt, dark glasses, and carrying a gym bag, a decent pop can be heard from inside the arena.] [Moongarden] Hey, like what's up. [al Nassir] Heres ten dollars, boy, get my bags from the boot of the auto and have them deposited in my dressing room. [Moongarden] Sorry dude, I'm not.... [al Nassir] Don't argue, boy, you've been given a MORE than fair tip, now do as I require and be off about your own petty buisness. [Moongarden] Man, you just aren't gettin' my vibe, I'm not... [al Nassir] CEASE your cretinous mouthings, buffoon and take my bags before I lose my temper and chastise you severely. [Moongarden] OK, dude, if that's the way you want to be...... [As the rest of the interview continues, Moongarden can be seen in the background collecting al Nassir's bags and then carrying them through a door to the rear of the garage area.] [Solo] You weren't being very nice to... [al Nassir] When you own enough oil wells, Miss Solo, you don't HAVE to be nice to the peons. Now what were we discussing, again? [Solo] *Sigh* (rolling her eyes) Later tonight you'll be meeting... [al Nassir] Ah yes, my opponent tonight, "Silky Smooth" Simon Sanders. Mr. Sanders, I suspect the only silk you have ever worn would be the silk stockings you used to pull over your head before holding up the local 7-11. But tonight you will learn the truth of how pathetic your continued existence is. Tonight you will meet the true glory and urbanity that is Sidi al Nassir. And you Mr. Sanders, may be silky smooth, but I am SLEEK...CHIC...and MAGNIFIQUE!!! Now, I would love to continue our little tete-a-tete ma cherie, but I have other matters to attend to. Come ladies. [As al Nassir leaves, the cameraman heads towards the door through which Moongarden earlier carried al Nassir's bag. It leads outside to the sidewalk, where the Chic Sheikh's bags lie open, ransacked, and half empty beside a steel chair with a cardboard sign on it reading "Free. In need of good home. Take what you need". ===== AND NOW, THE ELITE WRESTLING COUNCIL BRINGS YOU IMPACT... ===== [We cut back to the inside of the Broome Bounty Arena in Binghamton, New York and pan over the standing room only crowd which include signs reading "BERT, WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ERNIE?", "RYAN IS BEYOND OUR CONTROL", "EEEEEXCELLEEEEENT!!!" and "WWW.CRUSHEM.COM", before arriving at the EWC announcers' table where Aaron Bishop and Gregory Zane await our presence.] [AB] WELCOME TO IMPACT!!! (rooooooooooooar) [AB] I am Aaron Bishop and TONIGHT we will have all four matches in the first round of the NORTH AMERICAN TAG TEAM TITLE TOURNAMENT!!! [GZ] *Ahem* [AB] I was getting to you. As always I am joined by my partner in crime Gre- [GZ] I don't know what kind of lame-ass introduction you were trying to give me, but I am MISTER Gregory Zane and this is MY show Bishop--don't you forget it. You did get one thing right though, tonight 8 of the top teams in the business today will face off hoping to take one step towards being crowned the VERY FIRST EWC North American tag champs. [AB] Outside of the world tag champs and the number one contenders, EVERY team on our roster in getting a shot. We even have two singles combinations giving it a go, the mysterious duo of T.R. Parker and Joshua Collins, and, representing Power Supply, Curtis "C-Jack" Stone and Jon Owens. Okay Greg, who do you see emerging from this with the belts? The monstrous Siouxnami? The fearless Children of the Apocalypse? Or maybe my choice, the former KWF/AWA World Tag Team Champions, the Waverunners? [GZ] Try none of the above. I'm going with a dark horse team, one the teams you said were simply "giving it a go", Owens and Stone. They're tough, they're nasty and they've got the skills and focus lacking in a lot of these other tandems. What they lack in experience they'll make up or with cunning and savy. [AB] We'll get a chance to see them in action later tonight. But we've also got a match involving one of the top contenders for the Light Heavyweight Title, "Silky Smooth" Simon Sanders, squaring off against Sidi al Nassir. [GZ] Forget that match for a minute--let's talk about what that acid-tripping, dreadful smelling, FREAK, Titus Moongarden did a few minutes ago. He took al Nassir's bags and left them in a disgusting, rat-filled alley for bums to rummage through. [AB] That's one way to look at it. The way I saw it, al Nassir is a despicable, heartless monster who mistook Moongarden for a bag boy and treated him like sewer trash. Sure Moongarden left his bags out for someone in need who could appreciate it, but al Nassir deserved it and a whole lot more! [GZ] Both men are scheduled to fight tonight, so I strongly doubt this will be the last time we discuss this issue. [AB] Perhaps. But, enough of us. Fans, it's time to get the North American Tag Team Tourney under way. Before we get to the ring, let's go to these prerecorded comments. ===== [Voice Over] In every society there are the strong and there are the weak... (we see a masked business man getting jumped in a locker room and hit with a trash can) [VO] There are winners and there are losers... (that same suit is seen hitting on a valet only to be hit from behind with a chair by a bigger man who walks off with the woman) [VO] There are those who succeed and there are those who can only fail... (now the masked guy is dropped by a clothesline and tossed into a dumpster) [VO] If these scenes are hitting a nerve then we've got the men for you... (Rip-Tide and Vertigo step onto the screen flexing and growling) [VO] There's no problem that we can't solve...for the right price... (Rip-Tide and Vertigo grab the two assailants, pummel them and throw them through a door before colleting a bag with a "$" sign on it from the masked man) [VO] The Chaos Brigade...causing mayhem and destruction whether we're working for you or against you. For more information call our toll free number 1-800-SMASHEM ===== [Cut to a peaceful, quiet meadow somewhere out in America's Heartland. Reclining on a blanket are "Insane" Jules Baen and Gerry "Loose" Cannon, with Dr. Kevin Schrapnel sitting on a chair nearby, painting (?)] [Baen] [low monotone] Greetings. We thought we would provide you good people with a change of pace, since, according to more than one internet pundit, our modus operandi has become, well... [Cannon] [in a suprisingly reasonable tone of voice] Old. Cliche'd. Trite. Dare I say, even predictable... [Baen] [nods to Gerry] Precisely. Therefore, my friends, allow us to insert this moment of calm tranquility into the otherwise frenetic flurry of mayhem which is EWC. [pause. A bird can be heard singing in the background. Cannon takes a nonchalant sip of ZOT! Cola. Not much else happens for a bit.] [Cannon] Do you think they've had enough? [Doc looks up from his painting] [Doc] Probably. [Cannon] Good. BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHAT WE DO! [Cannon kips up and chucks the can a great distance off-camera] FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PEOPLE, DO YOU THINK WE HAVE NO OTHER SPEED THAN 'KAMIKAZE'? AND NOW, IN ITS INFINITE WISDOM... our glorious EWC has decided to put us against... "The Chaos Brigade"? [Cannon shakes his head] That sounds like a name our friends Wild Hazard TURNED DOWN! SO! CHAOS BRIGADE! Bring your spandex jumpsuits and your FUNNY EYES and we'll do what WE DO BEST! MAKE YOU LOOK REALLY STUPID IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS! [pant pant pant... he suddenly goes all conversational again] You know... there's an opthamologist in Des Moines who could do something about that pink-eye.. [he settles back down onto the blanket and snags another can of ZOT! Cola] I mean, it *is* treatable... [fade out] ===== NORTH AMERICAN TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT--FIRST ROUND: The Chaos Brigade vs. Beyond Our Control The opening notes of "Killing in the Name Of" by Rage Against the Machine began to play and the crowd provided some mild jeers (more for the opponents than for the competitors themselves). The lights suddenly cut off before the video wall burst into bright marquee lights with the screen reading "The Chaos Brigade...Call 1-800-SMASHEM for more info..." Under the wall stands Rip-Tide and Vertigo both wearing grey/black/neon orange camoflauge pants, black combats boots, face paint, and various piercings. They flex, exchange fists to the chest and stride purposefully towards the ring. Moments later the PA cuts on "The EWC cannot be held responsible for the following actions, these men are..." and the crowd, needing no prompting, chants BEYOND OUR CONTROL and burst into a tremendous pop. "Insane" Jules Baen and Gerry "Loose" Cannon, along with Dr. Kevin Schrapnel, appear on the runway with giant grins on their faces, they point to the men in the ring, turn to one another and just start cracking up. The fans only cheer louder as they head to the ring. [AB] And this one has the potential to go all over the arena. [GZ] Right, except for the fact that these first round matches have twenty minute time limits and aren't being contested under falls count anywhere rules. [AB] You know what I mean, from the looks of their advertisements and just the sound of their name, you can only assume that Rip-Tide and Vertigo enjoy taking things out of the ring. As for Beyond Our Control, hell, they live for insanity. [GZ] Agreed, but to win this match and advance to the semi-finals, you're going to have to get the win inside of the ring. If the Chaos Brigade is for real we'll find out in hurry. I for one think they are. [AB] And referee Wayne Winans is signaling for the bell. Here we go. DING, DING, DING... [AB] Gerry Cannon and Vertigo in to start for their respective teams. They circle and Rip-Tide charges right in but Cannon drops to the mat with a leg-trip. Cannon rides that over into a side headlock and he raises his body into the air for pressure and then drops it right back down. [GZ] We can only assume that whenever things aren't completely out of hand Beyond Our Control are going to try to keep their opponents on the mat to negate the expected power game. [AB] Cannon uses his legs to catch one of Vertigo's and now he's got something resembling an STF but he sees it's not working and releases it. [GZ] Interesting, notice Shrapnel shouting out instructions to his team, perhaps we're going to see a very unexpected gameplan--if so, the Chaos Brigade better know how to adapt on the fly. [AB] Vertigo fighting to escape and he starts using that 6'11" frame to push up off the mat. Cannon decides to help him by getting back to his feet but he walks up the corner turnbuckles and flips straight over releasing the hold. Nice move by the "Loose" Cannon. [GZ] Vertigo is waiting for him, he goes for a clothesline but again Cannon is a step ahead of him. He side-steps, shoves Vertigo into the corner and uses a monkey flip to bring him back to center ring, standing drop kick finds the mark. Cannon looking sharp so far and Shrapnel has a big smile on his face. [AB] Single-leg take down by Cannon and he turns that into a leg scissors. This is unbelievable. Here we were playing up the insanity and instead the boys from Cut N' Shoot are going for greco-roman wrestling. [GZ] YOU were playing it up. I was stressing the need to win this match inside the ring. And why do you sound so surprised by this? Earlier this year, BOC defeated Murder Inc. in a pure science match no one thought they could possibly win. [AB] Fair enough, but let's see if they can sustain this pace or if the new guys can turn it up a notch or two. Cannon continuing to wrench that leg. Now he releases the hold only to headbutt the hamstring. Now he repositions Vertigo, locks on a figure four and leans back making the tag to Jules Baen. [GZ] Will this "new" and sedate "BOC version 2" still double team like the old one or might we actually see a clean break? Oh who am I kidding? These two can't win without bending the rules for their life. [AB] Baen leaps from the apron onto the ropes and springboards off with a sommersault leg drop right across Vertigo's throat!!! He stays down to cover but barely gets beyond a one count. Vertigo lifted off the mat and rocked with a headbutt, now a stiff kick to that sore leg and another one for good measure. [GZ] Being this methodical is wonderful if all you want to do is control the pace of the match, if Baen and Cannon hope to start doing some serious damage to these two chiseled monsters they'll need to turn things up a notch or two sometime soon. [AB] Palm strike to Vertigo's throat doubles him over and allows Baen to come off the ropes with a drop kick to the leg and that sends Vertigo to one knee. Back hand right across the jaw stuns the bigger man. [GZ] I am very disappointed by Chaos Brigade up to this point. If they want to drum up any sales they better start doing something, hell, anything. [AB] While I'd tend to agree with you, they are in there with a battle-tested team, one of the best the EWC has to offer. Now Baen with a powerbomb. Maybe they're just outclased. [GZ] This is definitely gut-check time. Either get something going or go back to collecting for bookies. THAT's what I'm getting at. [AB] Baen just went to the ropes but Rip-Tide dropped down and took the top rope with him. Baen goes flying to the floor and Rip-Tide is just waiting for him with hammering blows to the back. Baen pressed into the air and straight above Rip-Tide's head in an display of raw power. Now he's spiked onto the ring stairs. OW!!! (boooooooooooooo!!!) [GZ] And maybe this is the opportunity the Chaos Brigade needed to get things going. I only wonder if the damage done to Vertigo's leg will affect him for more than a few minutes. If he's half as tough as those ads claim he'll just laugh it off. [AB] Rip-Tide grabs Baen by the tights and tosses him back in to Vertigo as Shrapnel screams at Winans to take control of the match. [GZ] Real chance of that happening. [AB] Vertigo grabs him from behind and hits a belly to back suplex. And there's a tag that brings Rip-Tide in as the legal man for the first time in this match. Baen's sent to the ropes and the Chaos Brigade catch him and he's planted on the mat with a crisp flapjack. [GZ] Now we see what these two are made of. Either we need to call the consumer protection agency or BOC is about to get kicked all around the ring. [AB] Baen picked up...Rip-Tide locks in a half-nelson and now he synches a chicken-wing and snaps back--vicious looking suplex! Rip-Tide springs back to his feet and levels the "Insane" one with a leaping bell clap and there's some flexing and growling for good measure. (the fans are quick to show their displeasure for that little display) [GZ] Win or lose tonight, Baen and Cannon are going to need some divine intervention to get passed Siouxnami after this beating. They're spreading themselves too thin. Either go for the gold and put your hatred on hold or try to take them out and attempt to become champions another day. [AB] I think they're tough enough to handle things, Baen does need to make a tag though. Rip-Tide hoists Baen up textbook vertical suplex...he's holding him there and now he turns it into a powerbomb. Excellent maneuver. ONE........................ TWO......................incredible impact on that move........................... Baen still able to kick out. [GZ] For how much longer? With each minute the Chaos Brigade is in control of this one they tighten their hold on the momentum. If they keep feeding BOC a steady diet of hurt I don't see that changing. [AB] There's the tag back to Vertigo. Rip-Tide and Vertigo are doing a nice job of keeping themselves rested while cutting the ring off. [GZ] And Shrapnel's men just might be regretting those takedowns and leg locks from early on. [AB] Winan starts the count as Baen is hurled into the ropes, Cannon able to tag his partner's back but the Brigade miss it by posing. Here they come off the other ropes--DOUBLE BULLDOG!!! They're still oblivious so Vertigo covers only to get flattened by a Cannon top rope splash!!! (BOC! BOC! BOC!) [GZ] Great move, too bad he had to break his partners ribs to pull it off. Maybe next time he should make sure the three hundred pounder isn't on top of him before coming off the top. [AB] Rip-Tide refuses to leave the ring and he charges at Cannon only to get a super kick for his troubles that sends him tumbling over the top rope. Vertigo starting to get up so Cannon leaps onto the center ropes and twists back with a flying body press. He covers but Vertigo rolls through--only for a one count!!! [GZ] It's so shocking, as soon as things start to get a little tough Shrapnel calls off the amateur clinic and has them toss the rules out the window. There's adapting and there's being afraid to try new things. And they thought they were just being cute joking about getting stale. [AB] You stick with what works. Cannon just hit a side slam and now he's heading up top. What could we be seeing next--a moonsault? [GZ] How about the start of Cannon's career as a choir-boy. Rip-Tide just crotched him from the arena floor--nice job protecting his teammate. I can just hear those phone lines ringing off the hook. (ooooooooooh) [AB] In the ring Vertigo has scaled the ropes to meet Cannon--REVERSE GUT-WRENCH from above!!! ONE..................... TWO.......................certainly don't see that often................. Cannon still has some fight left in him. [GZ] You just get the sense that Winans is about to be overwhelmed with activity. With men on the top, around the ring, on the mat, it's only a matter of time before everything goes out the window. [AB] Speaking of the outside, Rip-Tide is applauding Vertigo's performance so he doesn't see Shrapnel coming from behind--he CLOCKS him with a Elmo cookie jar. How cute! (Shraaaaaapneeeeeeel! Shraaaaaaaapneeeeeeeel!) [GZ] How blatantly illegal. If he has so much faith in his guys why can't he leave them to fight their own battles. [AB] Like taking people out from behind is so straight up. Baen is over with Rip-Tide on the floor, he sits him on the railing and then drops him with a hangman's neckbreaker! And Shrapnel's loving it. [GZ] He won't be in a second--here comes Vertigo from the ring--plancha take Shrapnel into the railing!!! He is out cold. Serves him right for getting involved. And now Vertigo grabs a chair, ducks around the corner of the ring, pops up and drives it right over Cannon's back. I told you it was only a matter of time. [AB] As Vertigo goes over to help Rip-Tide up, here come the EMTs to check on Shrapnel. That was a pretty ruthless move Greg. [GZ] Try good strategy. These two are mercenaries, they make a living by scouting targets, hunting them and then taking them out. They're going to be well prepared for matches, which only makes them more dangerous. [AB] Really? Maybe they should look up and realize that Jules Baen is not only back up but he's got a chair and is waiting for them on the top rope. BOMBS AWAY!!! Sommersault cannonball with the chair and the Chaos Brigade is down!!! (pop-o-rama) [GZ] I have no idea why Winans hasn't gone to the floor and tried to regain control of the match. If the EWC referee's aren't up to the task they should be sent to the unemployment line. [AB] Baen takes Rip-Tide and goes for the Irish Whip--it's reversed and Baen goes sailing right towards Vertigo who backdrops him onto the time keeper's table. Look at him grimace, that HAD to hurt. [GZ] I'd love to be the team facing the winner of this match in the second round, they'll be so beaten and bruised that it'll almost be like drawing a bye. [AB] Rip-Tide with a scoop slam on Cannon as Vertigo headbutts Baen and then goes up to the apron. I wonder what he's thinking? [GZ] Probably end this thing at any cost. Like before Winan realizes that both teams should have been counted out over a minute ago. [AB] Rip-Tide has just joined his partner on the apron...now Vertigo is going into the ring as Rip-Tide kneels on the apron. I smell something big. Vertigo runs, leaps onto the ropes, runs up Rip-Tide's back and goes for a FROG SPLASH!!! CANNON JUST PULLED BAEN OFF THE TABLE!!! (we see Vertigo drive himself straight through the table, bouncing his head off the concrete...the crowd groans and then cheers like mad) [GZ] The Chaos Brigade just went for the kill and maybe got a little too fancy for their own good. Instead of bringing things back into the ring and going for a finisher they chose to try to out-do BOC. Definite rookie mistake. [AB] Vertigo is not moving in the rubble around ringside. Baen and Cannon have gotten their heads back together and they knock Rip-Tide down with a double clothesline and then roll him back into the ring. Baen picks Rip-Tide up for a samoan drop as Cannon hits the ropes--bulldog by Cannon with Baen falling at the same time. [GZ] That's "A Big Hello From Cut N' Shoot." [AB] Both men cover.... ONE................. TWO.......................this has got to be academic................... THREE!!! DING, DING, DING... (huge pop by the fans for the effort as Beyond Our Control goes to the floor to check on Shrapnel) ************************************** **Winners: Beyond Our Control, 9:56** ************************************** [GZ] Well, Beyond Our Control come out of this victorious. Their reward? A second round date with either current arch-enemies Siouxnami or their old playmates Murder Inc. Either way I wouldn't pick these two freaks to win. [AB] That's your mistake. They took a hellacious beating tonight, toughed it out, and still had enough in them to hit the big move and put the match away. They may well be the toughest team in the EWC today. [GZ] True enough. But keep this in mind, tonight they faced two men who had exactly one pro match under their belts before this one. They might have been big but they are not in the same class as the other two. [AB] Speaking of the other two, Siouxnami and Murder Inc. will face eachother in our next match. But first we've got word that something is going on in the back. Adrienne? ===== [AS] Thanks Aaron. Sidi al Nassir is apparently one angry man. For the past ten minutes we've been hearing an incredible amount of yelling and what sounded like chairs being tossed. However, no one has been allowed into his dressing room to find out exactly what is going on. The minute we learn anything else we'll let you know. Back to you guys. =====