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All words ©2000-2002 eaonwalkker
 
 

Childhood

Cover the windows
with newspaper and white tape.
Put up most of the chairs.
We only need a few to sit on.
Say good-bye
to your favorite corner.
The one where there's never
enough light to read.
The one where someone
first kissed you.

Play the music too loud.
No one's here to complain
about silly songs from screaming boys
dressed in leather and torn shirts.
Drink more than you should.
No one's here to smack you on the shoulder and call you a lush.
And no one cares if you spill it on the floor.
Paint the now-bare walls of cracked concrete.
Use wild colors-blues and oranges and greens-
so that the rubble will look interesting,
so that we don't see the dents and stains we've made.

Remember things:
The first kiss you didn't expect
in your favorite corner, now too dark and cold.
The first touch you swore to her no one would notice
in another corner, now too well lit and clinical.
The first slap in the face that everyone noticed,
but were too polite to mention, now that you remember.

Remember things:
Names on matchbooks, photos
faded and creased, abandoned rings,
and other silly things,
junk toys you thought you wouldn't
ever throw away.
All the things that seemed so
important at the time.

Make promises
to write and remember
names, faces, stories and debts.
Make deals and plans
to forget the things best forgotten.

The train is leaving,
my bags are already on board.
The green duffel filled with books.
The gray suitcase full of rags
I'll laugh at when I'm thirty.

The train begins to slide away.
Sun setting in the window.
A crying baby being hushed by its mother.
The trees move past us
and I sit, writing a letter
to the home I haven't even left yet.
A silly song from the screaming boys
stuck in my head
and me wishing I could have another drink with you
before I have to say goodbye.
 

Night Season

Standing on a balcony
And the night is still the same
As before I saw your face
Before I knew your name.
You were bored with the gentle man.
You'd grown dizzy from his depth.
So you chased away the gentle man
And I was what was left.
And if you were still under me maybe
You'd be the one, to save me,
When the Darkness falls,
Stay home and climb the walls.
Nothing else matters when
I'm ridiculous and bleeding.
(Ridiculous and bleeding)
(Idiotic and pleading)
Hastily Unforgiven,
Unrepentant, needy and driven.
And all I need to see,
Is your naked body,
(lying under me).
 
Plug your ears with cotton
So you don't find out what I know.
And when I've told you everything,
You can laugh and smile and turn and go.
And would you please take this blindfold.
And wrap it around me.
So when your visitors grow numerous,
I can pretend, I won't have to see.
And if I was blind or stupid,
How happy we could be.
And you wouldn't be the one
I'm so afraid of,
When the darkness falls,
I'm falling off the walls,
I hit the ground screaming,
Coughing and spitting,
(coughing and spitting)
(thrashing and shitting)
I'm bleeding and I'm sore,
And you're asking for even more.
And you're baring your teeth
For me, your breasts
(for all the rest).
 
While I'm sorting out this melody
Sit and play for me a tune.
And while I count the red drops
Kindly find some stitches for my wounds.
And while I'm studying the scriptures
Say hello to God for me.
No, I don't need your intercession
I know what I am
So kindly, leave me be.
And you might find your sainthood
If you stopped sticking things in me.
I know you brought the darkness here,
With you, it was always near.
But I'll pretend not to see,
To have you sing to me,
(sing to me)
(scream for me)
Sing me to sleep again,
My gorgeous, stupid friend.
There's nothing left in here,
Not us, not pain or fear.
(pain or fear)
 

Semi-Darkness

We lie here softly stroking
one another's face.
You my semi-willing partner
in my semi-disgrace.
We make love on the scattered pages
that chronicle our war,
so we can remind each other
what we were fighting for.

I hold you in the aftermath,
in the blood, and the sweat.
I know we've gone much too far,
but I'm not close to done yet.
Turn off the lights and clear the dust
cluttering my head
Crawl to me in the semi-darkness
to someone else's bed.

You run away. I lean against
the door you're locked behind.
I wish you could write my words
or read my mind.
I don't know what drives me past
the point of self control.
A condition of the heart,
a disease of the soul.

I feel your face beneath my hand
and my hand still bleeds.
I am shaking like an addict
Who doesn't know what he needs.
I am aching with a fever
My body can't contain.
I am sitting in the corner
with no one left to blame.
 

Keys

The workman arrives promptly.
Cheerful even at this late hour.
Cheerful with the amount he's charging for this.
The workman removes the lock.
The lock that offered no protection.
The lock that we both had keys for.

The cheerful workman provides a new key.
The new key shines like his money-loving smile.
The new key shines with freshly cut metal falling off of it in flakes.
The cheerful workman's smile shines like the new key.
His smile shines like a lock.
A lock that keeps me out.
A lock that protects him.
Protects him from why he's here.
From why he's here giving me a new key that shines.
A new key.
A key you don't have.
 

Half Empty

I drink my coffee
from a little, white
greasy-spoon cup.
I add sugar
with a little plastic spoon
that belongs in a little girl's
tea set.

I don't want to taste the coffee.
I don't want to bother
to pretend to like it.
You tell me to go home,
but I don't want to.
You tell me it's empty now
and untidy, because when you left
it empty, you were in a hurry.
So I don't want to go home
and I don't want to stay here.
I'm bored and disappointed
-with the coffee and the company-
and I'm not drinking
what I should be
today.
 

Vicious

I thought you'd be a toy
I could use and then destroy.
Then you found another plaything,
to me you so the same thing
that I've done before.
Open another door
that leads out into your garden
where I'm begging for the pardon
that you never give.
You don't know how you live.
I don't like it with you or without you,
but hate either when she's not you.
What else is there to say?
It's not time to stay.

I gave a girl a rose.
We had sex in our clothes.
I got so caught up in the moment,
the moment that our lips met,
I bit off her tongue.
So I gave her another one.
There's a monster in my closet
that sees bare flesh and claws it,
but he's not a psychopath.
These things just make him laugh.
Sometimes they make me laugh too,
but at least the flesh is not you
this time around.
But what's that scratching sound?

The room is filled with smoke.
I tell a dirty joke.
But no one seems to hear me,
no one seems to fear me
like I wish they would.
But I know I never could
be anything but too nice.
It's my favorite advice
I like to ignore.
So I become a bore.
and now you're tired of me.
What else should I be?
I still love you, my friend
even in the end.

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