2. A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer.The bartender says "sorry we don't serve food in here" -Danno
3. 2 peanuts were walking down the street and one was A-SALTED ! -Sara
4. Q:How do you get an elephant to stop charging?
A:Take away his credit card.
5. 2 men walked into a bar, and the 3rd man ducked. -Sara
6. Did you hear about the canibal who passed his friend in the woods? (think about it !)
7. Did you hear about the dyslexic satanist?
He sold his soul to santa.
8. Did you hear about the dyslexic athiest ?
He didn't believe in doG.
9. Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a Ware-house.
10.Have you heard about the wooden car?
It wooden go! - Danno
11.Why did the boy burry his radio?
Becouse the batterys were dead. - John
12.Why can you never starve in the desert?
Becouse of all the sandwhiches there.
13.Technophobe one: " whats a mouse pad?"
Technophobe two: "where Mini and Micky live"
14.What's purple and swings through the trees?
Tarzan of the grapes.
15.Why did the monkey fall out othe tree ?
Because it was dead.
16.Did you hear that 'winalot' wanted to sponsor spurs ?
They got turned down under the trade description act. - Laurence
17.Manchester City wanted to sign Elliot, Barnes and Platt.
How ever Coronatin Street refused to sign them permission.- Laurence
18.As the plane was about to crash, a female passenger frantically announced,
"If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman!"
She removed all her clothing and asked,
"Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me
feel like a women?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this."
19.Q. Where do you find a tortoise with no legs ?
A. Where you left it.
20.
Q. What do trendy tortoises wear ?
A. Shell-suits.
21. Q. What do you call a man whose wife knows where he is 24 hours a day?
A. Dead
22.CUSTOMER: Watier why is there an ant in my soup?
WAITER: Because the fly is on a break.
23.As the plane was about to crash, a female passenger frantically announced,
"If I'm going to die, I want to die
feeling like a woman!"
She removed all her clothing and asked,
"Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me
feel like a women?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this."
24.How do you know when a man is going to say something inteligent ?
He starts his sentence with " My wife says......"
25.How do you impres a man ?
Show up Naked
26.How do you realy impress a man ?
Bring Beer.
27.Bill Clinton speaking to the jury:
I didn't tell Monica to lie in deposition, I told her to lay in that position
28. Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you
steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in
the middle row.
29. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an
ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
30. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
31. Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend
some Puerto Ricans.