If Things were Perfect By Mulderslady-- A What if story
----------
"If Things Were Perfect"
by Mulderslady
Part of the What if stories universe
DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, wish they did.
Only Nick and Gini do.
RATING: PG - R
CLASSIFICATION: S, Pre-XF, A, Mental MT, ST
PWP, UST/RST, AU kinda
KEYWORDS: MSR, Mulder and Scully angst, Mental Mulder torture,
Pre-XF, PWP, UST/RST, Alternative Universe kinda
SPOILERS: 4th season
URL: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Capsule/5160/whatif.html
FEEDBACK: Please!!! at damacia@home.com
ARCHIVE: Oh yeah, anywhere!!
SUMMARY: What if Scully still had cancer? Part of the 'What if'
Universe, a group of stories that ask the ever
intriguing question, What if...
Special Thanks to Coldplay love your CD :0) and Moby for my story
title,
and Spooky Jr. for beta-ing, you da girl!
To all the ladies at Badfic, I added a few extra perfects just for you!
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I want to live life and never be cruel
I want to live life and be good to you
"We Never Change"
- Coldplay
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***********************************************
Sail away with me honey, I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey, now, now, now
Sail away with me, What will be will be
I want to hold you now, now, now
Sail Away by David Gray
***********************************************
John Hopkins
"Special Agent Fox Mulder with the Violent Crimes Section at the
FBI." the teacher said with
a smile as he turned his class over to the young man beside him. He
couldn't be more than 25 or 26, but he was already an accomplished
criminal
profiler.
"Hi, I just needed to alert you to a threat on campus and let you know
about some changes that will happen in the coming weeks." Mulder
started
looking around the class, his eyes catching a brilliant flash of red.
He double blinked, his eyes focusing on the young woman with the
fantastic
hair. He continued, taking in the beautiful woman, her porcelain skin
splashed with freckles,
short bobbed hair, brilliant blue eyes, disarming smile.
"So nice to meet you all, and hopefully the perpetrator is caught before
any harm is done."
"Okay, class dismissed." the teacher said as the students sprinted out of
the class. Mulder walked over to the woman quickly, touching her arm.
She looked at him curiously.
"I'm sorry, I just had to..." he said touching her hair, tucking
it behind her ear, blushing as he pulled away.
"I'm sorry."
"S'ok, it's my natural color. It shocks a lot of people, got it from my
dad."
"What's your name?"
"Dana, Dana Scully."
"NO Dr?"
"Not yet. I'm just starting my second year." Dana said blushing a
little when she saw his eyes following her every movement.
"Is that how you profile? Lose yourself in a person?"
"Yes." He said quickly
"You must have seen a lot."
"Yes, but it's been worth it every time. Can I . .. " Mulder started
when he heard his partner say
"Yo Mulder! Come on Patterson faxed us more info on the perp."
Mulder waved his hand nodding.
"I gotta go." he said with a smile, not moving.
"OK, see you around."
"Promise?" Dana blushed when he touched her on the arm gently.
"I promise." Mulder smiled, leaving quickly
"Oh my god Dana, he was coming on to you." Her best friend Nick
said in awe.
"Yeah he was wow."
"Told you it's the haircut, it brings out your eyes. Come on I want
a good spot in the morgue today."
Mulder watched as the students left the building smiling when he saw
Dana come out with Nick. He walked over to her quickly.
"HI." he said with a smile.
"Hi, special agent Mulder, how are you?"
"Fine, call me Mulder."
"Mulder ok, something wrong?"
"Not if you let me walk you back to your dorm." Nick quirked an
eyebrow at that.
"Well ok, you don't need to . . . " Dana said pointing to Reggie and the
other FBI agents lurking around.
"Nah."
"Ok I'll see you Nick."
"K call me later Danes." Nick said looking Mulder up and down before
leaving
"Did I interrupt something?"
"No, she usually walks with me and she's a tad over protective."
"What are you doing tonight?"
"Studying, I have a big abnormal bio exam and a forensic studies exam
tomorrow."
"Want some company?"
"Sure . . . You're strange." Dana said with a smile.
"Thank you, I'm sorry if I seem like I'm stalking you. I'm just
captivated by you Dana."
"Well it's a first, most guys aren't captivated by me in anyway."
"They're fools." Mulder said gently removing her backpack from her
shoulder, carrying it for her.
"Thank you."
"Your welcome, kinda heavy for you." He said getting a better grip on
the heavy bag.
"Everyday, I'm used to it. Turn left here."
"Oh you're in a private dorm."
"Yeah as long as I keep above a 3.5." She said as she unlocked the
door.
7 p.m.
Dana looked up at him as he watched her look over her
notes. She smiled, and he moved closer, leaning in till they
were inches apart. He licked his lips, before kissing her gently.
She pulled away after a few moments.
"I'm sorry." Mulder said quickly, bowing his head.
"No, it's not that, nosebleed." she said getting up quickly, "Be right
back."
"Ok." Mulder said loosening his tie, waiting anxiously for her return.
Mulder waved at Dana as she walked into the hospital
"Hey Mulder, check this out." Reggie said seeing Mulder wasn't
paying attention. He followed his eyes and smiled
"She's a cutie, isn't she?"
"Yeah, great to talk to, she's so . . ." Mulder stopped shaking his head.
"Whoa boy, staying objective?" Reggie teased
"No, it's . . . do you believe in love at first sight?"
"Oh no, don't tell me . . . "
"I saw her and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since."
"Well don't forget why we're here ok?" Reggie said with a smile,
"About time some girl caught your eye I was worried you were . . .
you know checking me out or something." Mulder laughed.
"No, however I think Agent Peters is." Reggie stiffened, looking
around.
"Don't scare me, come on a student saw someone who matched the
description."
2 weeks later
Dana and Nick headed out side when a man ran past them
Quickly, knocking Dana down.
The man kept going, followed quickly by Reggie and Mulder. Reggie
Stopped, breathing hard.
"Get 'em Mulder." Mulder kept running, catching up with the man
taking
him down. Mulder read him his rights as he cuffed the man dragging
him back.
"You ok Reg?"
"Yeah I'm cool, out of shape, but cool." Mulder chuckled, handing the
prep over to Reg, walking over to the crowd of students
around someone.
"Everyone ok?" Dana stood up, holding her bleeding nose.
"Yeah guy knocked me down then my nose started bleeding. I'm
alright."
Mulder nodded, helping her up dusting her off.
"Ok just as long as your alright." he said stepping away heading back
over to Reg. He punched the prep in the stomach hard, roughly
dragging
him to the car.
"Ow, what I do? What I do?!"
1 week later
"Kinda weird without the Feds around." Nick said as they stepped
outside
"Yeah kinda weird." Dana said wistfully, rubbing her lips together,
remembering the one soft kiss she'd shared with Agent Mulder. Fox
Mulder.
She sighed just like everyone else. I'm a novelty for a second, then it
Passes, she thought stopping when she ran into something soft.
"Oh sorry."
"Don't be, kinda liked it." She looked up quickly, smiling at Mulder.
"Agent Mulder."
"Just Mulder, can I walk you home?" She smiled and nodded,
stiffening
when she felt his hands on her shoulder.
"Your backpack."
"Oh." she said shrugging it off.
"What are you doing tonight?"
"Studying for an autopsy tomorrow, I'm going to be
shadowing next week."
"Think you can take a break around 7 for dinner?" Dana blushed,
nodding.
3 months later
"Hey, where you going? We're in the middle of a case here." Reg said
to Mulder as he got up packing his briefcase.
"I need to go walk Dana home." Mulder stopped thinking about what
he just said.
"Yeah, that did sound weird, get your butt back in this chair."
"I can't, I'll be back in an hour or so. We're no where near finished."
"Mulder, your leaving work to drive up to John Hopkins to walk a
girl home . . . oh hey hey, you didn't tell me you were sleeping
together." Reggie said with a smile.
"We're not." Mulder said distractedly
"WHAT?!"
"We're not sleeping together. I haven't even French kissed her yet."
"You what? You're nuts."
"Yeah I am, I'll be back."
"Don't bother, I should go home too."
Mulder rushed up to the hospital, smiling when he saw her waiting for
him.
"Hi sorry, I'm late." He said taking her backpack.
"I knew you'd be here, that's why I waited." Mulder smiled, linking her
fingers with hers gently as they started to walk. He stopped as they
got to the crosswalk, kissing her hard. His tongue moving inside
her mouth tasting her.
"Hey Nick, is that Dana?" another student asked watching them kiss.
"Yeah, with her boyfriend. I'm so happy for her you know, it's nice
she's
experiencing this now."
"Yeah, but what's he going to do when he finds out?" Nick shrugged
smiling, when Mulder pulled from Dana's lips nuzzling her gently. Dana
swayed a little and Mulder steadied her.
"You ok?"
"Yeah, just got a little dizzy." Mulder smiled
"You act like no ones kissed you like that before."
"No one has." Dana said as they started across the street.
"Why not?" Dana shrugged
"Guys tend to stay away from me."
"What are you doing tonight?"
"Nothing, I actually have a free night."
"A free Friday night, wanna go out or something?"
"Sure, but . . .you know what I'd really like to do?"
"What?"
"Go to dinner, movie and then . . . never mind."
"No, what?"
"Go to the pier."
"Sure that sounds nice. I'm not a big club goer, I don't know what to
do when I get there. Dana . . .can I ask you something personal?"
"Sure."
"Are you a virgin?" Dana smiled, blushing as she answered
"Yeah I am."
"That's impressive, have you ever been in love?"
"Not that I know of."
"How do you feel about me?"
"I . . . really like you. I find myself longing for you when you're not
around. I guess I'm starting to fall in love with you."
"You going to throw that question back at me?"
"No I already know you love me. You say it all the time like I'll forget."
"Will you?"
"No, never." He smiled waiting for her to open the door.
Midnight
Mulder stepped inside her apartment, following her slowly.
"I had a great time Mulder, thank you."
"Your welcome Dana." He said reading her mixed signals, sitting
down
on the couch.
"Something wrong?"
"No, I was just wondering, what we do now?" He said with a smile
as she sat next to him.
"Look Mulder I . . . " She stopped when Mulder kissed her hard, his
mouth devouring hers, he moved closer to her wrapping his arms
around
her gently. She felt him rubbing against her and pushed him away
gently.
He smiled moving to unbutton his shirt when she stopped him.
"What?"
"No I'm not ready for that."
"Ok, ok can we make out a little?" Dana blushed
"Sure." Mulder nodded, unbuttoning his shirt, kissing her
again, taking her hand in his placing it on his bared chest as his
crept under her shirt.
2 months later
"Dana'll love this mom, we haven't seen her in months." her little
brother Charlie said pulling out his key opening her door.
"See mom she's . .. ooh." Charlie said as he stepped in, seeing
strewn clothing everywhere, a gun with holster on the table, a suit
jacket folded over the couch arm. Charlie went over to it, looking
through the pockets pulling out a badge.
"Fox William Mulder, FBI agent oh sorry Special Agent, nice looking
kid." He said handing the badge to his mom.
"Yes he is, but where is he without his pants?" she said holding up the
strewn trousers placing them across the couch before wandering to
Dana's bedroom, peeking in. Mulder kissed her gently on the neck,
nipping
at it as his hands ran over her creamy skin and pinched at her
nipples as he rubbed against her.
"Oh my!"
"Guess she thinks he's cute too, give 'em some privacy." Charlie said,
closing the door.
"Charlie! A man is humping your sister and you say give them some
privacy?!"
her mom said knocking on Dana's bedroom door.
"Dana honey, its mom and Charlie." Dana pulled from Mulder quickly
putting on her shirt.
"Where are your pants?"
"With all my other clothes."
"Oh damn." Dana said opening the door.
"Mom hey." she said reaching for a hug when her mom looked at her
neck, giving her a knowing look.
"Hello, who is he?"
"He's my boyfriend. We've been dating for about 5 months."
"Five months and your already forgetting your morals."
"Mom stop, we've never had . . ."
"I didn't come to argue. Charlie and I just wanted to check in."
"Where is Charlie?" Dana asked excitedly
"Checking out your beau's clothes." Dana went over and hugged
Charlie
as Mulder came out of the bedroom.
"Hello."
"Hi."
"You must be Fox Mulder, very nice to meet you." Her mom said
shaking
Mulder's hand
"Thank you, Dana's mother?"
"Yes Margaret Scully."
"Mrs. Scully hello, sorry we had to meet like this."
"It's ok, at least you two weren't in a more compromised situation."
Mulder nodded, going over putting on his pants and shirt, shaking
hands
with Charlie.
"I think I better go so you can have some time alone with your family,
I'll call you later." He said moving to leave when she stopped him.
"Mulder, I don't want you to leave."
"They want to be alone with you I think."
"No you stay." she said pouting a little, crumpling his resolve.
Later
"He's a nice young man Dana, your dad would have loved him."
Mrs. Scully said with a smile
"Thanks mom."
"Have you told him yet?"
"No, I'm afraid to. I'm not sure how he'll take it."
"Your going to have to soon, he seems serious about you darling."
"I know mom, but the doctor says I may have less than a year. Why did
I have to find him now?"
"If things were perfect, you wouldn't be in this situation at
all. You need to tell him. It won't be easy, but he has a right to know."
1 month later
"Help! She went unconscious, bloods everywhere help!" Mulder
screamed as he
carried Dana into the ER.
"We got her sir, quick OR!"
Mulder paced outside Dana's room as the doctor to talked with her.
The doctor patted her on the shoulder and walked out.
"She wants to see you now." Mulder ran in quickly, sitting beside her
taking her hand in his.
"You ok baby, you worried me." He said petting her hair
"Mulder, I need to tell you something."
"Sure honey anything."
"It's about why I'm here. It's . . . Mulder, I have a nasopharyngeal
tumor. It's malignant, it'll keep growing till it kills me." Mulder
winced.
"How long have you known about this?"
"About 2 years, but it's growing despite all the treatments. I can't
have surgery cause of the location there's nothing more they can do."
"Nothing?"
"No."
"How long do you have to . . . how much time . . . how long do you
have
to live?" He said choking on the words.
"The doc says 6 months to a year." Mulder ran a hand through his hair
in frustration, wiping his eyes.
"6 months to a year." he repeated, "That's all we have?" she nodded
reaching for him. He leaned into her chest, crying harder as he wrapped
his
arms around her. She ran her hands along his back reassuringly
"Mulder, it'll be ok."
"No it won't. I'm gonna lose you."
"Mulder . . ." he sniffed, wiping his eyes as he pulled away.
"No, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you Dana. So no, it's
not going to be ok." Mulder said, quickly correcting himself
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just upset."
"It's ok Mulder, I understand." she said running her fingers through his
hair.
"I love you." He looked up at her and smiled
"So what do we do now Dana? Where do we go from here?"
"I don't know, most people leave right about now."
"I want you to experience everything you want before. . . before."
"Yeah, we'll talk about that later." Mulder nodded, laying his head
at her side with a sigh.
2 days later Monday
"Hey Mulder you look tired." Reggie said as Mulder came into work.
"Found out something about Dana."
"What? she a hooker or something?" Reggie said with a smile
"NO, she's dying." Mulder said slamming his hand against his desk.
"She's what?"
"She has brain cancer. It's inoperable, she has 6 months to a year tops."
"Damn sorry man when you find out?"
"This weekend. She collapsed, bleeding everywhere. I took her to
the ER and she finally told me."
"Tough break so . . . "
"I don't know what I'm going to do Reg."
"Drop her, you don't need this."
"I can't."
"Why not? You knock her up?"
"No."
"Then I see no problem."
"I love her Reggie!" Mulder said in shock
"Oh jeez Mulder, what's the matter with you?"
"I'm sorry Reggie, but I do. I love her, I love her more than anything
in this world and she's dying." He said fresh tears running down his
face.
"Aw crap." he said wiping the tears from his eyes.
"Pull it together man." Reggie said with a concerned look.
"I'm sorry Reg, I thought I'd cried enough yesterday about this."
"Here's a tissue." Reggie said with a sad smile, patting him on the
back.
"Do what you think is right ok?"
2 weeks later
Mulder knocked on the door and smiled when Dana answered it.
"Hey."
"Hey, thought you'd never get here." Mulder sat next to her on the
couch and waited.
"Ok here's my list of demands, everything I want to do." Mulder looked
at the short list and smiled.
"A car, new apartment, marry Mulder, go to Hawaii . . . marry
Mulder?"
Mulder looked up quickly, smiling at her.
"You're kidding, right?"
"No, I want to marry you as soon as possible. I want to spend my last
few months with you." Mulder smiled nodding
"Should I propose now? or later?"
"I thought I already did." She said with a smile
"Ring?"
"My grandmother's." she said handing him the engagement ring. He put
it on her hand gently.
"What kind of wedding do you want?"
"Outside, friends and family no reception."
"Boy you have this planned to the letter. I can arrange that, then go
to Hawaii for our honeymoon. Give me 6 weeks to set this up."
"Your wonderful." She said kissing him on the cheek, making him
blush
"Ok lets see what else is on this list."
6 weeks later
"A married man, I wouldn't believe it if I saw it." Reggie said
smiling at Mulder
"You are seeing it Reggie. Gini smack him." Gini smacked Reggie
hard, hugging Mulder.
"I'm so happy for you Mulder, where are you two going on your
honeymoon?"
"Hawaii, flight leaves in 2 hours."
"Have fun enjoy yourself, enjoy her."
"I will Gini." Mulder said hugging her again, walking over to Dana
leading her to the car.
"He's going to be devastated when she dies Reg." Gini said as he got
into the limo.
"I know he is Gini, I know."
Hawaii
Mulder sat on the beach watching her frolic in the ocean, the wind
whipping her hair. She seemed so free, innocent, powerful. He closed
his eyes and smiled. Dana came up to him, petting his hair gently.
"You ok?"
"Perfect." He said reaching up pulling her into a kiss.
"I'd be better if we went inside." he said with a leer.
"A few more minutes." she said running back into the water. Mulder
followed, swooping her up in his arms carrying her to the beach.
"Few more minutes nothing, get inside your freezing."
Mulder lit candle after candle as he prepped the room, it had to be
perfect, he thought as he opened the bedroom windows, letting in
the island breeze. He pulled back the covers, pulling on a pair of
black satin pajama bottoms as she came out, a towel wrapped around
her as she
dried her hair.
"Sands impossible to get out of your hair." she said with a smile as
she looked around the room
"You went all out Mr. Romantic."
"I wanted it to be perfect, you deserve that much." he said pulling
her to him, drying her hair for her.
"Fox?"
"Yeah?"
"Nothing, I've just never called you that."
"Start, I like how you say it." Dana leaned into him, laying her head
on his chest. He took the towel from her hair letting it drop to the
floor. His hands running down her neck, along her arms gently. He
moved
into her, rubbing his growing erection against her.
"Want something?" she asked teasingly
"Yes." he gasped, his hands running up her arms to where her towel
was tied. He nuzzled her with his nose, placing his forehead on hers,
smiling at her as he untied the towel, letting it fall to the ground,
his hands running over her damp skin carefully, cherishing ever dip and
crevice.
"I love you so much Dana. Your so beautiful." he said kissing her
hungrily, leading her to the bed.
Mulder kissed her between her breasts, licking and nipping at each
nipple till it was erect.
"I want you." he whispered as he took a hardened nipple in his
mouth, sucking at it hungrily as he caressed her with his hands,
rubbing against her. Mulder sighed when he felt her hands run down
his back to his pajama bottoms, toying with the waistband. He moved
to her other breast, moaning when the material of his pajamas
brushed over his full erection. His hands moved to her thighs
massaging them gently, easing them open as he pulled from her, locking
eyes with her.
"I'll be gentle, I promise." he said entering her slowly. He
moaned loudly, cursing at the feel of her.
"What?" Dana said
"I said your so goddamn wet and hot."
"Is that bad?" she asked concerned
"Fuck no!" Dana giggled
"OH sorry, sorry I didn't mean to curse." he said moaning loudly
as he thrust into her slowly.
Dana petted his wet hair as he slept peacefully on top of her. He
was still inside her, she enjoyed the feel of him filling her. She
reviewed the events that had just happened, sighing content as she ran
her
hands over his back.
"Something wrong honey?" Mulder asked sleepily.
"No, everything was perfect."
Next morning
Mulder smiled as she emerged from the bedroom.
"Morning baby." he said hugging her tightly
"What do you want to do now?"
"Eat, I just woke up." she said pulling from him.
"Good, I had breakfast dropped off, hope you like it." he said
sitting close to her, smiling at her as she ate.
"Love you." he cooed softly
"I love you too."
"How you feel? You're not sore or anything are you?" Dana blushed,
smacking him.
"What? No one's around, you can tell me. Was I too rough?"
"No."
"Are you sore?"
"A little, along my thighs and my . . ." Mulder smiled at her
hesitation, kissing her on the neck.
"Just muscles you haven't used before. Don't worry by the time we
leave they'll be nice and adjusted." Dana turned crimson, sighing
softly.
"We're going to have fun, aren't we?"
"As much as we can all the time."
"You're a wonderful man. I'm glad I met you. I'm glad I married you."
"So am I. Hurry up, I wanna go walk along the beach."
2 weeks later
FBI
Monday
"Hey our newlywed, how's married life treating you?" Reggie asked,
smacking Mulder on the arm.
"Good, everything's going good."
"How is she?" Reggie asked concerned
"She's fine." Mulder said flatly
"Well while you were gone, we got a new agent to the squad.
Diana Fowley, meet Fox Mulder."
"Hello Fox, nice to meet you." the tall brunette said reaching
her hand out to him.
"Nice to meet you Fowley, call me Mulder please."
"Mulder, sorry."
"What's your specialty?"
"Abnormal psyche, I helped Reggie while you were out and Patterson
decided with 3 people he could give more cases."
"How right you are. Welcome aboard, hold on." Mulder said picking
up his phone
"Mulder."
"Fox hi."
"Hey Dana, something wrong?" He asked, fear creeping into his voice
"Yes, you didn't kiss me goodbye this morning."
"Well I'll make it up to you when I get home. I gotta get some
work done honey."
"Ok I love you."
"I love you too." he said hanging up closing his eyes, trembling
slightly before opening his eyes.
"You ok? Dana alright?" Reggie asked quickly
"Yeah she's fine, just wanted to say I love you." he said with a
smile, picking up a file quickly. Fowley quirked an eyebrow at
Reggie who nodded no, going to his desk.
5 p.m.
"Dang I gotta go Reggie, I'll be home by 6 30."
"K later."
"Where's he going? It's only 5!" Fowley asked confused as Mulder
rushed out the door.
"Get his wife from school."
"School?"
"She's 2nd or 3rd year Med. school, I can't remember."
"Oh .. .they seem very attached."
"They're newlyweds. He usually breaks about now anyway so get used
to it." Reggie said matter of factly, going back to his file.
2 months later
Fowley placed the files in front of him with a smile. It's embarrassing
how much of a crush I have on this boy. He's a boy compared to me,
he's five or more years my junior and married Diana get over it! I
keep telling myself that but I can't. He has such an amazing mind!
"Looks simple enough Fowley, check this out." He said pointing out
clues in the evidence. Diana leaned over his shoulder, leaning in
close to him so she could smell his shampoo and aftershave.
"You smell nice." She said in his ear
"Yeah, Dana got me a new aftershave. I really like it." He said
oblivious to her closeness as she put her hands on his shoulders,
letting them creep towards his chest.
"Hey Reggie, I'm fine, is he at his desk?" Dana asked walking over to
Mulder's desk, freezing when she saw Diana hanging on Mulder. He
seemed oblivious to what she was doing, excitedly pointing out
things in the file in front of him, however, she knew EXACTLY what
she
was doing. Dana took a deep breath before sweetly saying
"Fox?" Mulder looked up quickly, smiling brightly at her.
"Dana hey baby." He said closing the file, standing up. Diana removed
herself from him quickly. He reached for Dana hugging her gently,
smiling as she pulled away.
"Something wrong honey?"
"I just wanted to see you that's all. Do I have to have a reason?"
"Never." He said running his fingers through her hair gently
"Oh yeah Dana, this is Diana Fowley she's the newest member of the
Mulder/Perdue team."
"Hi." Dana said evenly
"Hello, great to meet you. Now I have a face to a name."
"He has enough pictures of me on his desk, how could you not know
what I look like?" Dana said with a smile
"I'm proud of my baby." Mulder said kissing her gently on the lips
"Come on, wanna walk?"
"Mulder? Were we finished?" Diana asked frustrated by his sudden loss
of focus.
"Yeah." He said distractedly his eyes never leaving Dana as she
held his hand gently.
"Come on." He said stopping to answer his phone.
"One sec sweetie, Mulder, uh huh sure what is it?" he said moving
to get some paper. Dana smiled reaching up and petting his hair, he
smiled at her moving to touch her cheek when he frowned
touching the cleft under her nose pulling back blood. Dana
quickly pulled out a handkerchief applying pressure to her nose.
"Ok yeah, thanks will do." Mulder said hanging up holding Dana gently
"You ok baby?"
"Yeah, fine it stopped."
"Your not dizzy?"
"No, I'm fine Mulder really." Mulder nodded, holding her hand again
heading out when Dana stumbled.
"Dana? Honey? You're not ok." He said concerned.
"I just tripped, don't baby me."
"Are you sure?" he asked as they left Diana's sight.
"What was that?" Diana asked Reggie
"What was what?" Reggie said looking up at her confused
"The almost fainting spell."
"Happens a lot."
"What's wrong with her?" Fowley asked incredulously
"She's sick, Mulder'll tell you if he thinks you need to know."
Next day
"Mulder, can we talk?"
"Sure Diana, you have 5 mins I need to go."
"How's your wife, you know the nose thing?"
"She's fine."
"Reggie says she's sick, what's wrong? A little bundle of joy
headed our way?"
"No, she has a chronic illness, her health's fragile. I need
to go, have a good day."
"Bye . . . you can tell me you know Mulder."
"Look Diana, I'm a happily married man. My wife's health is not
the best and I'd appreciate it if you'd keep whatever emotions you
have for me in check." Mulder said
"What do you mean?"
"When she came in here yesterday she said you were all over me.
I . . . really didn't notice. Just don't let it happen again ok?
Dana didn't like it and if she didn't like it, I don't either.
Thank you for your concern, good night." Mulder said walking away
quickly, leaving an even more confused Diana in his wake.
5 months later
"Help! Help me my wife collapsed she's hemorrhaging from the nose
please help me!" Mulder said frantically as he carried Dana into
the ER. Doctors and nurses rushed over quickly
"Sir, does she have any pre-existing conditions that . . ."
"She has a malignant nasopharyngeal tumor." Everyone froze looking
at the lead doctor, who pulled Mulder aside quickly.
"Sir, you are aware the progression of the disease, this is . . . "
"No!"
"She's not in any pain, if we let her die . . ."
"NO! I . . . no I can't lose her yet please do something please!"
Mulder begged. The doctor looked into Mulder's desperate eyes
and nodded yes.
Mulder paced in the waiting room as Reggie and Fowley came in.
"Hey how are you holding up?" Reggie said hugging him tightly.
"Oh god I . . . I can't do this Reggie. It hurts so much, I can't watch
her die like this." Mulder sobbed
"Sssh calm down, she's ok."
"For now, next time they may not pity me and let her . .. "
"Hey, hey one day at a time ok?" Mulder nodded, drying his eyes
sighing hard.
"Hey Diana. How are you?" Mulder said softly
"I'm fine, how are you?"
"Ok." He said turning to the doctor as he came in
"She's ok resting comfortably, the bleedings stopped.
"Where is she, can I see her?"
"Yes Karen will show you." Karen nodded, motioning for Mulder to
follow.
"Are you his partner Reggie?" the doctor asked as Mulder left the
room.
"Yeah, what's wrong?"
"I . . . her tumors grown, it's nearly doubled in size. She
doesn't have much longer, he just seemed so lost . . . I couldn't
tell him he needed to let her die. He carried her in here blood
all on his shirt . . . talk with him, he's going to need to let
her go."
"He knows he will. When the time comes, he'll let her go."
"Tumor? What's wrong with her?" Fowley asked Reggie as the doctor
left.
"Dana has a malignant nasopharyngeal tumor which will eventually
kill her." Reggie explained quickly as he walked up to her room
watching Mulder kissing her frantically, hugging her, tears
running down his cheeks.
"Damn." She said drying her eyes, walking away quickly.
3 weeks later
"Hey Mulder, how's Dana?" Reggie said as he walked in
"Fine."
"Hey Mulder, how's Dana?" Diana asked as he sat at his desk.
"Better."
"I'm sorry."
"About what?"
"Her dying and all." Mulder trembled, tears flooding his eyes.
"It's gotta be hard on you. If there is anything I can do . . ."
"She won't . . .you can shut up that's what you can do!" Mulder
screamed at Fowley.
"Sorry." She said quickly backing away from him.
Mulder sat down shakily.
"Mulder, she didn't mean to . . ."
"I know, I'm just touchy today that's all. Dana's nose started to
bleed this morning while we were . . . while we were making love."
"She ok?" Mulder nodded
"You were so good made her nose bleed, man you gotta teach me the
trick." Mulder smiled weakly.
"Reggie . . .she's dying."
"I know Mulder."
"No I mean, she's just got a few more days I can feel it. I can
feel it right here." He said placing his hand over his heart. "I can feel it.
It's an ache that will never go away."
"I know . . ."
"I'm taking family medical leave Reggie, I can't be away from her
I want to be there when it happens."
5 days later
Dana turned over in bed smiling at his sleeping form. She ruffled
his hair wincing at the crushing pain in her head. She grabbed her
head as the pain increased, blood rushing from her nose. She cursed
loudly reaching for something to stop the bleeding when she
blacked out.
Georgetown Medical Center
"Mr. Mulder . . ." the doctor started, Mulder stopped him nodding
in agreement.
"It's time for her to go. I just don't want her to feel any pain
can you make her comfortable?" Mulder asked wiping the
tears from his eyes.
"Sure we can." The doctor said patting him on the shoulder gently.
Mrs. Scully hugged him tightly
"I'm so sorry honey. You're doing the right thing though." She said
as she pulled away.
"I just don't . . . I can't believe I'm letting her die." He said
frantically clutching at Dana's hand.
"It's what she wants." Mulder nodded brushing Dana's hair from her
face as the nurse pushed more morphine into her IV. Dana locked
eyes with him smiling.
"Thank you Fox."
"I'd do anything for you Dana you know that. You know how much I
love you, how much I'll miss you. God this hurts, it hurts so bad
Dana, I never thought it would be like this."
"Ssh remember I love you, I always will. You made me so happy Fox,
I never regret a day. You made my life complete, you made things
perfect." Mulder sobbed harder moving in, kissing her gently on the
lips.
"I love you Fox."
"I love you too Dana." He said as she closed her eyes letting
death come.
3 weeks later 7 am
Reggie walked into the office quirking an eyebrow when he saw
Mulder at his desk.
"Kinda early for you."
"I couldn't sleep." Mulder said holding a picture of Dana in his
hands, looking at it tears in his eyes.
"I know it hurts, it will for awhile but you have to carry on."
Reggie said sitting on the edge of Mulder's desk, looking down at him.
Mulder
quickly pulled out his gun, putting it in front of him on the desk.
"Mulder, don't." Reggie said in shock
"I can't live without her."
"Yes you can."
"I love her."
"And you always will, but Mulder killing yourself is not what
she'd want."
"I don't want to be here anymore Reggie!" Mulder screamed at him,
tears streaming down his face. Reggie looked for words to say, he
could find none.
"Please Mulder I need you, don't do it." Reggie pleaded
"I'm sorry, I can't." Mulder said picking up the gun placing it in
his mouth, when Reggie stopped him, pulling the gun away.
"You will." Reggie said sternly.
Epilogue- Four months later
Reggie popped in his Cold Play CD, sighing as the first song
'Don't panic' came on. I should have let him do it, now he's
as good as dead. Drugged up so much sometimes he doesn't even
know his name. He's truly living up to his nickname of spooky,
screaming out of the blue, screaming for her. I should have let
him do it, why didn't you let him do it Reggie? He said he couldn't live
without her, and he isn't; he's a prisoner and I made him that way
by stopping him.
"We live in a beautiful world, yeah we do yeah we do." He sang
along as he drove up to Mulder's house, putting it in park unlocking
Mulder's front door.
"Mulder? Come on man let's go." He waited for him to shuffle out of
his bedroom. They have him so dumbed down with Thorazine he has
that
shuffling gait now, talks to himself constantly. Reggie sighed
heading back to the bedroom to get him.
"Mulder?" He saw him asleep on his bed.
"Come on man your late, wake up." Reggie said shaking him. He didn't
move, an empty bottle falling from his hand. Reggie picked it up,
cursing when he read the label. Thorazine, he took the whole bottle
what else he take? He thought cursing louder when he saw the empty
pill bottles in his bathroom.
"Mulder? Please?" he said knowing it was futile, he was cold, no
pulse, he was gone. He went without pain, just like she did, Reggie
thought as he looked at him, Dana's picture in his hand, the way he
wanted to go the first time.
"You got what you wanted, I'll miss you but it was time for me to
let you go. Your happy now, that's all that matters." Reggie said
ruffling his hair gently, picking up the phone and calling the police.
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