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Article: 22714 of alt.tv.x-files.creative
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From: ZZCF89A@prodigy.com (Megan Reilly)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
Subject: NEW: Mulder's Answer 1/1
Date: 11 Aug 1996 04:32:27 GMT
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Disclaimer: Characters in this fluffy humor piece belong to Chris Carter,
1013 and Fox TV, with exception of one whom I made up myself. Please see
more detailed disclaimer at end.
_________________
Mulder's Answer
by Megan Reilly
zzcf89a@prodigy.com
August 10, 1996
__________________
Walter Skinner's office was very messy. It had been through a lot lately,
after all, and looking around, he realized that it was definitely time
to clean. He got up from his desk and approached the dusty pile of boxes
over in one corner. They scared him because he hadn't looked in them for
so long. For as long as he'd had that office, they'd been there, lurking,
in the corner, like the cloying smell of smoke hanging in the air.
He was pretty sure they were papers and things from his former office,
which he'd left more than five years ago. He couldn't remember what was
in them.
Skinner looked over the surface of his desk, searching for something -
anything! - else to do. There was nothing. He couldn't even think of
something to call Mulder into his office to yell at him about. Sighing,
he got up and went to the boxes.
In the top one, he found an array of trophies he couldn't remember
winning, let alone owning. Long-distance running, a Marine award, a joke
trophy...if he strained hard, he could almost picture them in the dimness
of his last office, tiny and windowless.
He set it aside to discard it later.
The next box was stuffed with papers, jumbled all together. Skinner
frowned, wondering if someone had been searching through them. It's
impossible, he thought, because the dust had not been disturbed. A
sudden image flashed into his mind of secret government scientists
slaving away to invent Spray Dust in a Can. He imagined his cigarette
smoking buddy using it. A smile quirked his mouth.
No, now he remembered, he'd moved out of his office very hastily, after
Section Chief Blevins was terminated from his position for all that
scandal. Rumor at the time had implied that Mulder and one of his
schemes or cases had had something to do with it. Skinner frowned. Had
it really been so long? And was he really so much better than Blevins,
since he was able to handle Mulder? Maybe he was.
Of course, the major difference was that Skinner *liked* Mulder. But
that too had brought its share of trouble.
He pulled out a handful of the papers and began to sort through them.
Scribbled notes to himself, scribbled phone numbers on napkins, pictures
of people he didn't even remember any more. Looks like it's all trash,
he thought, pulling out the next handful.
It was an application to the FBI. Skinner looked at it, knowing that it
should be filed in the agent's personal record and not in this box. Then
he realized it was a photocopy and started to set it on the pile of Throw
Away documents.
Until a name caught his eye and he began to read.
"Application for Employment, Federal Bureau of Investigation," it read,
"Please check one: clerk, typist, stenographer, Special Agent..." There
was a large check mark, twice the size of the box next to Special Agent.
"1. Name in full: Last, first, middle."
Written in large, sprawling block letters in reply: "Mulder, Fox William.
"
Skinner had, years ago, been in the personnel department. And this meant
that he had been responsible for Mulder's hire.
He tried to remember the interviews, but couldn't. So he kept reading.
"2. List all other names you have used, including nicknames."
Skinner could just image the half grin on Mulder's face as he'd written
in his answer : "Mulder." Smart aleck. He skimmed through past
residences and educational information until he came to another one:
"4. Were you ever dismissed from a school, or was any disciplinary action
ever taken against you during your scholastic career?"
Mulder's answer? "I had a detention in 8th Grade, but Mrs. Paits really
didn't like me. I always got 'needs to improve' in social skills'. Does
that count?"
*I* hired him, based on *this*? Skinner asked himself. What was I
thinking? Lucky for me it turned out all right.
Ah, here we go, thought Skinner, settling back against his desk.
"References and Social Acquaintances: give three references [not
relatives, former or present employers, fellow employees, or school
teachers] who are responsible adults of reputable standing in their
communities."
This ought to be good, thought Skinner, and he wasn't wrong.
"Senator Richard Matheson. Occupation: Senator. Business address:
Capitol building, business phone: do not disturb."
Skinner smiled and read on.
"Social Acquaintances. Give three acquaintances in your own age group,
including both sexes."
"Mr. Langly. Occupation: Magazine writer and researcher; technical
advisor. Business phone: Varies.
"Mr. Frohike. Occupation: Photographer. Business phone: 1-900-555-HOTT.
"
Skinner raised his eyebrows. Interesting friends Mulder had, he thought,
anxious to see who Mulder's woman reference might be. There was a small
squiggle at the beginning of the line as though he had been unsure about
who to put down.
"Ms. Green," he had written and his handwriting indicated his hesitation.
"Occupation: investigator. Business address: New Scotland Yard, London.
"
Impressive, thought Skinner, turning the page.
"Foreign travel - have you ever visited or resided in any foreign country?
"
"Britain. Reason for travel: Studies. And to meet the lovely Ms. Green.
"
Skinner's eyebrows were getting tired from going up.
"France. From: 12/10/79 To:12/10/79. Reason for travel: Ms. Green
needed a companion in France. Once there, I declined."
Skinner couldn't help chuckling, wondering what the story behind that one
was. But the smile on his face soon faded.
"Do any of your immediate family maintain contact with individuals
residing outside of the US?"
Mulder wrote, in very small letters, "My sister Samantha has been missing
since 1972. I cannot know where she is."
Skinner paused, and then read on.
"Organizational Membership."
"Rally's Health Club. The Lone Gunmen, position: Subscriber. The
Magician Fan Club, 1971, position: Master Wizard."
Hmm, thought Skinner, doing a little math, how many box tops did he have
to send in to get that one?
"Physical data," Skinner skimmed, "Height without shoes, weight without
clothes... describe any disability, including defective vision, if any."
To which Mulder had answered: "I have really bad taste in ties."
Skinner couldn't keep the laugher from bubbling from his lips, but then
restrained himself. What if his secretary was listening? he reminded
himself. He didn't want her to think that the Smoking Man was in here
tickling him or something.
He flipped to the multiple choice portion of the test.
"A judge has turned down a request to wiretap a subject. You know the
suspect is guilty. You:
a. follow his orders
b. call the judge
c. use your own equipment."
Skinner knew that the technically correct answer to the question was a.
Mulder had circled b, which should have been a wrong answer. Except that
Skinner and some of his other fellow personnel officers had used the test
to aid in judge of character rather than to fail people out of the
running. And Skinner had found that to be a good character trait.
Some things never change, he thought.
"9. You are called in to arrest a team of bank robbers. As you arrive,
your partner seems to suffer a heart attack. You:
a. arrest the robbers
b. give first aid
c. call an ambulance, then arrest the robbers."
About ninety percent of the agents chose option c, because they wanted to
show their eagerness. It wasn't correct, but it was acceptable. Mulder
had chosen A. Skinner smiled. Good man.
There were other multiple choice tests, but Skinner flipped on past them
to the last few pages, notes that he himself had written on his interview
with Mulder. He wished he could remember it.
"Mr. Mulder states he wishes to join the FBI because he has studied
psychology and believes that he has a unique insight into the criminal
mind. I posed to him many different situations and I believe he may have
the potential to become an expert profiler.
"Mr. Mulder also stated on his application that his sister had
disappeared and that her situation was unknown to him. When asked, he
admitted that she had been abducted and since the FBI has jurisdiction in
kidnapping cases, he hoped to be able to ease the suffering of other
families.
"His concern was genuine. In all, Mr. Mulder is an honest, bright
candidate who..."
Skinner was appalled by his routine, boring, altogether barfy report.
How had he ever moved up if he had followed the rules so exactly? he
asked himself and returned to reading.
The paragraph broke off sharply with a line and continued " ------------
Fox Mulder is highly qualified and will make an agent of the highest
caliber. After his elaboration about his sister, I tested him with a
hypothetical situation about a kidnapped girl who was raped and returned,
and then killed herself. Very professionally, he gave answers and
invented many intriguing details about the possible suspect. I then told
him we would inform him of our decision and escorted him to the door.
Ten minutes later, I visited the men's restroom and a man was crying in
one of the stalls. It was Mr. Mulder.
"Or should I say Special Agent Mulder? He may be a risk, but a risk in
the right direction. He will prove a valuable asset to our profiling
division, professional and yet with an intuitive capability to feel."
Skinner rose and put the application into his locked desk drawer and
reached for the phone. "Agent Mulder?"
"Yes, sir?" Mulder's best, what the hell did I do now? voice.
"I was wondering if you have any plans for lunch. I'd like to treat you,
" said Skinner, aware that he was probably scaring the living daylights
out of Mulder, but he didn't care. He liked him, and he really felt he
should do this. Mulder agreed and Skinner left the office to meet the
agent. His friend.
XXX
Special Agent Allison Davison entered Skinner's office about fifteen
minutes later for her scheduled meeting with him. A frown touching her
perky features, she wondered where he was. Shaking her long blond hair,
she looked about the room.
And found an open box of papers. Sneaking a look behind her at the
closed door, she moved to look through them. Applications to the FBI,
she noticed, sitting down and beginning to read, this could be very
useful indeed. If only she could find the right ones...
The end.
I don't usually do disclaimer and notes at the end, but I think they work
better for this story. So here goes:
Allison is mine and she has previously been featured in the Dares stories.
I was thrilled to have the opportunity to use her again, and this story
is set within that universe. If Chris Carter had a Sliding machine,
perhaps he would visit it. [snicker. Yeah Right!!!]
This story was inspired by the book "ARCO's FBI Entrance Examination" by
John Quirk; it is a test prep book. Questions that appear in this story
have been adapted from this book, which had adapted actual exams for
study purposes. No infringement upon the book or the FBI is intended.
This story is for entertainment purposes only.
Please email me with any comments or thoughts you may have on this story.
I would sincerely like to hear how you thought it came off, and if you
feel a sequel would be enjoyable or appropriate. [Insert desperate
pleading here]
Megan
zzcf89a@prodigy.com
(
geocities.com/earthworm1013)