Metaphor for Life

What we usually don't realize (or think about) is that Tom also has preconceived beliefs about you, "...gosh, I really hate having to go to Bob and ask him to help me again because I know he'll roll his eyes and get exasperated with my request to help me. I just wish that as a team member he could see that he's not doing his fair share. Oh well, I'll just brace myself for the worst..." Have you ever thought much about how other people perceive you? Probably not much because we tend to spend most of our thoughts "judging" others. Well it's happening...people are judging you this very minute! Step back for a second and anlyze what you think others think of you. Do you feel it is a positive thought? Or is it maybe something not so flattering? If you really think about it for a second or two and be honest with yourself you'll know. If it's not how you want to be perceived then take steps to change it. It won't happen overnight but it can be done if you're patient, consistent, and open to change. How do I know? Because by changing my approach to Coco I was able to change his bad habit AND his negative perception of me. It took only one day for me to do this but it was not easy. It took patience, consistency, and a willingness to change because Coco was important to me (shouldn't everyone we come in contact with every day be important to us?) How did I do it? Instead of approaching Coco with a scowl on my face I approached him with kind words and a gentle touch. He didn't respond at first but I wasn't going to quit. Even when he "tinkled" on the floor I didn't raise my voice or scold him. He "knew" he had done bad. Instead I quietly reached down, put his leash on and took him outside. Whever he finished his business I praised him mightily and gave him a treat for being "such a GOOD BOY!" Then throughout the day I kep a constant supply or treats and praise flowing to him. By the end of the day we were friends again and he had made significant progress understanding where it was "better" for him to "go." Sure, he may have a few more "accidents" here and there but the difference is now I've learned not to react lilke I used to. And Coco has come to expect something altogether different than what he was used to receiving from me. Are the people you interact with on a daily basis, whether it be your friends and family, important to you? Do you want them to perceive you as you realized they really do from the exercise you performed above? Or would you rather they "see" you as you'd like them to? If a change in perception IS what you're after, realize that understanding is the first step towards change. Then, take my example with Coco and use it as a Metaphor for YOUR life! Hank

Do you have a dog? Well I do - a 7 month old Jack Russell terrier that is as full of life, energy, spunk and vitality as I would venture to say, any creature on earth! I recall Graciella, my wife, telling me of taking "Coco" to her friends house who had a golden retriever puppy about the same age. She recanted to me how they both played and rollicked seemingly for hours until the golden retriever pup just couldn't go any more and plopped down...exhausted from the horse (dog) play. She then told me how Coco was physically unaffected from all the prior banter and continued jumping on and around the now spent golden retriever. She said "the poor dog was just lying there trying to cool off while Coco was all over him!" I can imagine his tongue stretched waaaay out, short panting breaths clear evidence of his experience with Coco -- The MACHINE! This is but one example of the energy and especially happiness I see in my dog every day. There's not much that can stop his tremendous "spirit" EXCEPT (as I've come to realize), a harsh tone, scold, or "spank." You see, Coco is not yet potty-trained. Close, but not quite there yet. Up to about three weeks ago I had scolded and sometimes spanked him whenever he "soiled" the floor...going as far as rubbing his nose in it while shouting "NO!" Coco knew he did "something" wrong when I did this but as a creature with limited understanding, I wondered whether he really could make a connection between my "scolding" and his "naughty" event. And so it came to pass that each time this happened and I bent down to scold him, he would cower down knowing he did something wrong. After his training had seemed so promising just a few short weeks ago it was now taking a turn for the worse. Now whenever I reached down to put his leash on he would cower and "tinkle" right there on the spot. Of course I spanked him for this as well which only ended up reinforcing this negative behavior in him. This destructive path worsened to the point that each time I bent down towards him for whatever reason, he would tinkle on the floor. It got so bad that he was scared to even come to me and resorted to hiding under the bed whenever I attempted to get him to "Come." At this point I stepped back from the situation and tried to analye it from a "big picture" point of view. I realized that I had trained Coco through my negative actions towards him to come to expect "bad things" from me. It really didn't matter to him anymore whether I was going to approach him with negativity or kindness. All he knew was he saw me coming and it meant "trouble" for him, because that is what he usually received from me. I then got to thinking how every single one of us has preconceived beliefs of the people in our lives that we have regular contact with . We may think, "Here comes Tom, he's probably going to tell me how he's so overworked again and could I help him out with some of his 'projects'."