As a survivor of rape, issues of sex, sexuality & relationships were thrown into a kind of personal chaos. I didn't know what to expect from sex anymore. I started wondering what a normal relationship would be like. But whenever the two tried coming together I came apart. It was hard to accept being close to a guy, especially when you're in high school & rode the bus. Guess that was the strongest reason I attended a women's college a distance from home. I felt a stronger sense of safety being in a place where guys were restricted by rules. That feeling was shattered during my sophomore year & took some time to find solid footing again.

So why get into Domination/submission & Bondage? For me, it was my own way of gaining back a sense of control over my lost sexuality. I could have blocked out all my sexual identity, never wanting any kind of relationship or intimacy. I could have gone overboard & sought only relationships of sexual abuse without tenderness or love or respect. I could also have turned my back on the male race altogether & found my peace within a woman's arms. All I did was wait & look around. My wanderings on the 'net brought my husband to me & a new outlook on sex & control.

My hubby showed me the true meaning of Sexual Unity in making love. He brought respect, tenderness, honesty, laughter, patience & peace with his touch, his kiss, his gaze & his soul. He'd been interested in submission & bondage since his teens. With me, he saw a way for me to gain back something that was taken from me: control in sex. He was aware of all my physical triggers, so he made no attempts to hold me down even when playing. He made sure he was always the one giving control to me. That was how I learned he was into Bondage. He was a submissive, someone who enjoyed pleasing the woman who held control over him. To better understand, I started looking online for information concerning D/s & Bondage. I learned that there were a fair number of women who had been sexually abused, assulted and/or raped that found outlets as Mistresses & Dominatrixes. Some went professional while others kept it personal. Before trying it out on my *so willing* mate, I talked to them about the right & wrong ways of binding someone, controlling them sexually & non-sexually.

Finally getting the nerve, I just did it. As I was doing all this, I was so nervous!! He was so patient & offered suggestions. When I was done, all I could do was stare & shake a bit. He didn't fight me, but gave control freely for me to do what I wanted to his body. It brought back memories of the first time we made love, when he let me explore his body. This time he couldn't stop me from tickling, teasing, arousing & releasing him. It gave me a sense of freedom I've never felt before when it came to sex. It was like he gave me wings to fly!! No one else can I ever share that with, nor do I want to.

My husband is not my slave & I don't do it for power kicks. We share it because we are partners with love, trust & respect for the other. We play with it because it brings us closer as well.

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