Touch the glowing spheres around the dragon!
Touch the glowing spheres around the dragon!

Bitterness

With an adoring, loving look in your eyes, with gentle huge hands, with that familiar smile on your face, you took the sweetness of life & love to replace it with the bitterness of death & hate. With your strength & power that once protected me you overwhelmed me. With your body that used to shield me you violated me. Scars that runs soul-deep, cutting me into shreds. You broke my heart, betrayed my trust, beat my love into dust. You stole my innocence, my hope & my dream. You raped not only my body but also my heart, mind & soul.. my present, past & future.

YOU RAPED ME!

Pain, anger and that damn helplessness. I feel so out of control. The world is crazy. Nothing is right! You call what you did to me love?? You took my innocence, my trust in you, in men. You shattered my hopes & dreams. You stole my will to live. My heart is stone now. My soul is frozen in ice. I have no love to give or room for it. No light shines within. No song is alive inside. I can never say "this child of my body". You took even my children away from me. I’ll never forgive you or forget, no matter what you say or do.

You raped me.

Some times

Some times it gets so hard to hold on. Some times I feel like giving up, giving in. Some times I have to seriously wonder if my life is worth living, having, trying... When nothing else matters, I just don't know what's got into me. Seal's "A Prayer for the Dying" plays on my CD player & I rock back & forth. I want a life without the pain, the hurtful memories, the self-destructive tendencies that seem almost second nature to me now, the doubts & insecurities. Some times I feel there's no way out. This karma isn't working for me! I scream quietly aloud that even I can't hear it. Some times I get afraid that not even my lover will be enough to keep me from ending it all as if it was a dream. Some times it's hard to remember that it's only life after all. Some times I feel as if I can't make it to the next minute much less the next day. Some times I can't truly believe that He doesn't give us more than we can handle - when I feel like breaking into so many pieces that I'll never be put back together again. Some times I wonder why I was ever given a life to begin with when all I want to do is curl up & drift away. Heaven can't be waiting for me but I'm ready to move on anyway. Some times there is a fondness for the flame but not getting burned. Some times I've lost faith while seeking something to believe in to believe in me. Some times I'm scared that I'll shut myself off completely where no one & nothing will ever reach me again. Some times my friends worry about me. Some times I worry about me. Some times I feel alone because it's all I understand. Some times ... Some times don't last for all times.

Continue...

Writings 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8 , 9 , 10 , 11

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