Mother’s Schizoid Rant

By Edward J. Calhoon Sr., 2000

(Published in the Spring 2000 edition of Amaranth,

Anne Arundel Community College, Arnold, MD)

Crazy I am not.

Imposters invaded and replaced

each and every one of you.

My imposter husband 

is really a gigolo in disguise;

a male prostitute.

My real oldest son ran away;

you are too big to be my son.

My real daughter is being held hostage, 

under the next-door neighbor’s porch.

My enemies become invisible,

by covering themselves with ectoplasm.

They are plotting to steal our property 

by forcing me to sign this oil-drilling lease,

and that mortgage loan application.

I see the Devil’s Demons at night,

but they can’t hurt me

because I am the Holy Ghost.

I hear voices telling me to take this knife

and free my daughter.

The policemen are part of the plot;

they are taking me back to the loony bin,

to torture me with electric shocks,

and tear out part of my brain

if necessary to shut me up.

It is all very clear.