Weirdness - Page 2

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OK, lets look at this in a logical and dispassionate manner. . .

Oh, God, Giles is rubbing off on me.

Please God.

Well, there it is, the whole point of the matter. Giles rubbing off on me seems like a pretty damn good prospect to me. And there it is, out in the open, well the open of my own mind. I have a crush on Giles. Rupert Giles, ex-High School librarian, ex-Watcher, 40-odd years old, very British, very male, very straight, very much thinks of me as a rather annoying attachment to his Slayer (ex-Watcher, my foot). Why *Giles* for goodness sake?! It doesn't help that he's stopped wearing tweed and started wearing denim. I mean, wooooo! There's an actual body under there! . . . OK, deep breaths, not thinking about Giles' body. But oh boy!

I suppose it started when he 'employed' me to shelve all his books. I think it's the first time I've ever spent any time alone with him that didn't involve apocalypses, and it was, nice, y'know, we chatted, OK, pretty much about completely different subjects, but there was actual interaction there. And I started to get flustered. Which gave me the wiggins and I messed up the shelving and then Anya came in and threw my brain completely off track. Which OK, there hadn't really been a track for it to be on, mainly 'Giles? Really? Giles? Rumpled and sexy? Oh, God! Giles?', so coherence not really happening.

And we just seem to spend time together, unemployed ex-High School librarian/ex-Watcher, and only-sometimes-gainfully-employed-in-crappy-jobs me. The other week, we basically spent the whole day together. Giles was sketching Buffy's commando guy and I was making my usual, well, I'd say banter, but he'd probably say, inappropriate comments, but he didn't seem to mind. Then we went back to my place for armaments for our patrol and of course total geek and doofus me made his appearance and I couldn't work any of the stuff. Well of course I couldn't, the man was standing in my *bedroom* right by my *bed*, it was taking me all my concentration not to throw him on the bed and, well, ravish him! ('Ravish him'?! Well, I suppose it's better than 'interlock parts with him', just.) And I had to keep my back to him so he didn't notice the *major* boner I'd got just by thinking about him in my bedroom. Anyway, then we went on patrol, I went up against Harmony (OK, not the most macho of fights, but it got us information, and I'm justifying my girly slap technique to myself, oh God), and sent Buffy off against Spike while Giles and I basically got told to stay at home and worry; so we did, like the good little useless people we are.

So, is that it? I'm attracted to him because we're both being left behind? No I don't think so. If that was it I think I'd go for the simpler option of Anya. OK, so ex-vengeance demon, but, female and my age, sorta anyway. No same-sex, different-age thingies to get in the way.

So, what else? Maybe because he's the only male around I feel comfortable with? But up until recently there was Oz, and even though he was with Will he'd have been a much more likely prospect 'cause of actually having hormones, which I don't think Giles has, although thinking about it: Miss Calendar, and the woman Buffy said was with him when she went round about the frat house vamps. Anyway, Oz, small and compact and sort of controlled sexy. OK, so he was with Wills but then I was with Wills when she was with him and I was with Cordelia. So, yeah, Oz, friends, and sexy in theory but just not in practice. Actually sort of like Anya, if the buttons were pressed then yeah, sure, probably, but they'd have to be pressed.

So, not loneliness of the left-behind, not that he's the only male about, erm . . . Well, I've always gone for quite strong women, Cordelia (forceful), Buffy (kick ass), Faith (want, take, have, try to kill); and Steve was strong in a self-confidence way. So, Giles, strong? Well, yes he is, but there's an awful lot of stuttering and stammering and not wanting to be forceful there. He *is* strong, but not good at *being* strong, and a lot of the time we just walk all over him.

I'm sure Willow would get all deeply Freudian about authority figures and father figures but I don't think that's it. OK my dad's not ideal, he drinks too much and yells at mom and when she's had a few to drink she yells back, but really they're just parents, that's what parents do. They embarrass you but you deal with it. He's not the most supportive dad in the world, what with me not being an A student or a great athlete but he's OK. So I don't think I need another father figure and I don't think I'm sublimating or whatever in my crush on Giles. It's not even as if Giles is the proud parent type, not about me. Buffy, yes, she's his daughter and she's strong and has had to make lots of tough decisions. Willow, she's the braniac, and the Wicca, research and computers gal (sort of a younger version of Miss Calendar and isn't that a disturbing thought, Giles and Willow, urgh!). I'm the class clown (except I was robbed of that), the donut boy, the Zeppo. I'd say he was fond of me but sorta uncle-y not father-y.

So why oh why does the sight of him get my hormones racing? Why do I want to peel away those sweaters and jeans of his and explore what's underneath. I've seen him a couple of times when he's been hurt, especially after Angelus tortured him and OK, I was mainly thinking about broken bones and internal injuries at the time, but now I can remember. He's all lean and . . . there are muscles there but not body builder muscles or even Spike-type muscles, they're just there under his skin. Training with Buffy for years and all the stuff he's done before that to be able to train a Slayer, well, let's just say that's not the build of a librarian under there! And I so want to explore his skin. Trace his scars, find all the marks and moles on his body. I wonder what he's like in bed; he's so controlled and buttoned down normally, does he stay like that in bed, all controlled movements, or does he let loose, let all that Ripper passion out? That'd be something to see. .. .

Argh, why me? Why him?

And more importantly, what am I going to do about it? I mean even if I worked out the 'why?' to any degree further than 'just because', it wouldn't stop me thinking about him. So, do I jump him? Do I date Anya? (Nah, pretty much decided against that.) Do I just leave things as they are and hope it all wears off? What would I do anyway, the man's straight, and British, and uptight. If I jumped him we'd never be able to have a conversation again, what with him stuttering and me babbling. It'd just be wrong. *So* wrong. So I should just leave it. Shouldn't I?

The End