EnsTren: (lo, the rp last night was saaad)
Edmondia: ('lo, it was indeed)
EnsTren: (made me cry, ;_;)
EnsTren: (*kicks auto smilelies*)
Edmondia: (made me go all *wibblewibblesniff*)
EnsTren: (heee)
Edmondia: (these two are remarkably screwed up)
EnsTren: (yes, but I maintain it's her own fault that seto thinks "mommy" not "yummy" when looking at her)
Edmondia: (oh, I agree completely)
Edmondia: (it is most definitely her own fault)
EnsTren: (*pats her* and honestly I'm in mind to keep it that way but less fucked up)
EnsTren: (cause it's EXACTLY what seto needs.)
Edmondia: (true. but it's exactly NOT what she needs, and therein lies the problem)
EnsTren: (what does she need?)
Edmondia: (she needs her own independance, really)
EnsTren: (eh?)
Edmondia: (yeah, I know how it sounds, but hear me out. she is a very strong woman in her own right, but she's also screwed up in the head in a lot of very major ways.)
EnsTren: (yes)
Edmondia: (emotionally, she's far too dependant on Atemu - she's been using him as a crutch for... well, for her entire life)
EnsTren: (*nodnod* and now yugi's not sharing (though I maintain if she agreed to a threesom he would))
Edmondia: (he would, yes, because he finds her attractive, but also because he knows how desperately she wants Atemu - but he's not willing to give him over completely)
EnsTren: (hmm hmm *nods*)
Edmondia: (Yugi, I think, is aware that she's much too dependant on Atemu - and he's also aware that Atemu is NOT dependant on her)
EnsTren: (while they were married it would have been a very un even relationship if he wasn't scared his balls in of her)
EnsTren: (and loved her)
Edmondia: (agreed. I also think that his death was emotionally devastating for her - and that's part of the reason she clung so tightly to him as soon as she was freed)
EnsTren: (*nodnods and huggles her*)
Edmondia: (it would have been much better for her, I think, if she'd been in a position to be left alone with Seto)
EnsTren: (perhaps)
Edmondia: (consider the Yugis - although pharaohboi didn't have his memory, he could allow himself to focus completely on Yugi, and become his own person again)
EnsTren: (yes)
Edmondia: (Seth never forgot, but had she been forced to act autonomously, she wouldn't feel the same stifling need to be with Atemu - because she would have learned that she could survive on her own, without him)
EnsTren: (maybe both she and seto should take a vacation in barbados)
Edmondia: (it would probably be good for them, yes, but she'd be an emotional wreck as soon as she was separated from Atemu again - because he would be too far away for her to run to)
EnsTren: (hmn...well while she's suction cupped to seto she can learn maybe?)
Edmondia: (yes, and she's starting to recognize her own mistakes)
EnsTren: (and that yep, it is her fault)
Edmondia: (yes - and she has a lot of difficulty coming to grips with that)
Edmondia: (because her usual method of problem-solving won't work)
EnsTren: (cause she can't kill her hikari and scaring him just makes it worse)
Edmondia: (exactly)
Edmondia: (so she has to do what she is definitely NOT used to doing)
EnsTren: (but at least she'll also see seto loves her as much as he's 'supposed to' maybe even more--just not in the usual way.)
Edmondia: (yes, which is good - it will definitely help with the rejection she's feeling from Atemu - because she is feeling VERY rejected, even though she understands his reasons)
Edmondia: (on the other hand, she wants it to be the usual way - in spite of what she's said and believes, I really don't think she's ready to have children again)
EnsTren: (*hugs*)
Edmondia: (she needs lots of them, yes. and I think she honestly does want Seto, even if she's frightened of him)
EnsTren: (and seto honesty doesn't want sex, at all)
Edmondia: (which confuses the hell out of her, because she does, very much so, and he's the first man - hell, the first person to ever reject her)
Edmondia: (Atemu turning her down doesn't count - because she's had him before, and if Yugi weren't there, she could have him again, if she wanted)
EnsTren: (and hitting on him makes him run away and feel icky)
Edmondia: (and that just makes her more confused and upset - despite what she said, she really doessn't understand the line that she's trying to cross)
EnsTren: (and seto won't stand still for her to cross it)
Edmondia: (which is probably good for him, because I think otherwise there's a very real possibility of her hurting him)
EnsTren: (oh? physically emotionally?)
Edmondia: (possibly both - it's almost like why I think it would be so incredibly dangerous for her to have children again)
EnsTren: (she might have post partum and kill them?)
Edmondia: (not even post partum - if they don't turn out looking like the children she had before, she'd kill them)
EnsTren: (erk, and seto? hurt/kill him if he didn't do it like atemu?)
Edmondia: (if he tried to fight her off, I'm pretty sure she'd rape him)
EnsTren: eeeeee
EnsTren: (wrong window!)
EnsTren: (*shivers*)
Edmondia: (O.o Thank goodness)
EnsTren: (though it fits if I put an k on the end eeeeeek!)
Edmondia: (indeed)
EnsTren: (...I do NOT want to image what seto would do if she did that to him)
Edmondia: (no, you don't, and neither do I)
EnsTren: (run away, kill himself, ruin everything that she did by giving him a heart attack, give him another, stroke)
Edmondia: (mmhmm - so Seto's got to be quick on his feet, because she will be after him)
EnsTren: (shit)
EnsTren: (cause he wants to CLING to her)
Edmondia: (I don't think it's going to be anything overt, at least not at first)
EnsTren: (if she does rape him he's going to end up in the hospital and when he wakes up he's going to scream and scream and scream until they knock him out)
EnsTren: (and I'm seeing her smile because she might be having a baby and I'm seeing him SHOOT her)
Edmondia: (well then we'd better keep that from happening)
EnsTren: (would putting six bullet holes in her kill her?)
Edmondia: (doubtful, as she's dead, but it would kill the possible baby, and then she'd kill HIM)
EnsTren: (so long as he got away from her perminante ly he wouldn't care much)
Edmondia: (true. which is why we need to not let that happen)
EnsTren: (unfortunetly am seeing her ontop of him and he's crying and looking away and begging her to please stop, please yami, no no...mommy please don't)
Edmondia: (um. that's SO not good.)
EnsTren: (and it just fades to black then)
Edmondia: (erk.)
EnsTren: (oh and later seto's curled up I think in the back of the game shop and she comes in and he screams hors and loud "GET HER AWAY FROM ME!" and curls to hid his head in his hands and starts crying again)
EnsTren: (he is sooooo fucked in such a bad way)
EnsTren: (oh, and somehow he's also tying his own soul into a knot)
Edmondia: (gah.)
EnsTren: (atemu is watching and is all "how is he doing that? I want to try!" and is composing a new batsu geemu that involves tying souls into knots)
EnsTren: (and he has a knot book)
Edmondia: (must not let that happen.)
EnsTren: (I agree)
Edmondia: (I think she'll be very gentle with him, and let him cling, and try to talk to him)
EnsTren: (...please don't say you mean that during sex?)
Edmondia: (no, thankfully)
Edmondia: (though if she DID... that would be what she would do)
EnsTren: (he'd be too out of it to cling and now he's going catatonic)
Edmondia: (well she's not having sex with him, so phew)
EnsTren: (yes)
Edmondia: (but she'll definitely be trying to sway him over to her opinion)
EnsTren: (so not going to happen)
Edmondia: (oh really? are you saying Seto's never going to grow up?)
EnsTren: (doesn't matter if he does, she's still very firmly imprinted in his head as a mother figure)
EnsTren: (I mean you don't think of screwing your father, do you?)
Edmondia: (EW GROSS)
EnsTren: (exactly seto's reaction)
EnsTren: (and when you were thirty and he looked like he did when he was all dashing and handsom, would you think of screwing him?)
Edmondia: (gag)
EnsTren: (so why would it be diffrent with seto?)
Edmondia: (because she's going to kill herself)
EnsTren: (I never said he was unwilling to donate sperm--just he won't have sex)
Edmondia: (that won't matter to her)
EnsTren: (oh?)
Edmondia: (as I said, she is very VERY screwed up in the head)
EnsTren: (*sniggers suddenly* "Yami...I can't," "Can't what?" "...get it up")
Edmondia: (random)
Edmondia: (the problem is, no matter how you shake it, she CANNOT be his mother)
EnsTren: (doesn't stop him from having her neatly filed away in that position in his head)
EnsTren: (he can be a father to their children, but can't sire them directly)
EnsTren: (can love her with all his soul, but not that way)
Edmondia: (but she can't live without a husband)
EnsTren: (yes she can, she doesn't realize it, that's all)
Edmondia: (yes, and that's the problem)
EnsTren: (by the time seto 'grows up' she will)
Edmondia: (they'll never be able to be happy, though)
EnsTren: (since when do we do happily ever afters?)
Edmondia: (I do.)
EnsTren: (*sigh*)
EnsTren: (*removes seto from the potential husband slot*)
EnsTren: (*puts in instead yugi and atemu*)
Edmondia: (that won't work either)
Edmondia: (she wants Seto to be her husband)
EnsTren: (le sigh)
EnsTren: (he'll marry her, just won't cosumate it)
Edmondia: (she won't be able to live with that)
EnsTren: (le sigh)
Edmondia: (well, we've well and truly backed ourselves into a corner, haven't we?)
EnsTren: (yes)
Edmondia: (shit)
EnsTren: (yes)
Edmondia: (is there any way to salvage this situation, other than having the both of them come to their senses?)
EnsTren: (I did like the daddy atemu mommy seth thing that was going on in another rp though)
Edmondia: (that wouldn't work either)
Edmondia: (Seto wanting parents just DOES NOT WORK)
EnsTren: (it was still a good vibe for a while)
EnsTren: (he doesn't want parents parents)
EnsTren: (he wants...someone he doesn't have any responcibilities to or from)
EnsTren: (and un conditional love, I get the impression he's worried that if he doesn't preform mokuba will stop loving him)
EnsTren: (and seth is a girl)
EnsTren: (and he's used to gold digger females wanting into his pants)
EnsTren: (so she drifted over to the mommy catagory)
Edmondia: (and that's what the problem is)
Edmondia: (she's completely incapabale of being a mother)
EnsTren: (and seto barely knows what a mother should do except love him and hug him and not have sex with him)
Edmondia: (and, again, she cannot be or see himself as a mother)
EnsTren: (she also took care of him while he was sick)
EnsTren: (well, she's kinda amorphusly in the mommy catagory)
Edmondia: (she seems herself as his lover, unfortunately)
EnsTren: (if she can get herself more firmly situated back into the yami catagory while getting him back on his emotional feet (which she knocked from under him and then took a sledge hammer to) she might be able to wiggle into the lover catagory, or at least that strange "friend" slot)
Edmondia: (that's what she needs to do, then, somehow.)
EnsTren: (but she needs to distance herself from thing sthat send of parentalness in his head)
Edmondia: (mmhmm)
Edmondia: (no more holding him while he's sick)
EnsTren: (wich would feel like abandoment)
EnsTren: (so no holding him while he's laying down with his head near her hip, or him laying down with his head in her lap)
Edmondia: (mmhmm)
Edmondia: (shove him off if he tries)
EnsTren: (or reposition him so he's sitting up and leaned against him)
Edmondia: (and definitely not answer him if he calls her indistinctly)
Edmondia: (and most certainly not respond if he calls her any form of 'mommy')
EnsTren: (yes)
Edmondia: (she'd have to get very cool towards him)
EnsTren: which is going to hurt him alot
Edmondia: yes, but she won't be unsupportive - just different
Edmondia: she'll still take care of him, but... as a friend and lover would
Edmondia: "You're seventeen years old, Seto - I'm not going to hold your hand."
EnsTren: "You don't hold my hand, though, you just held me"
EnsTren: she's acting diffrent just as seto has basically incorporated her normal behavior into the center of his universe with mokuba in "this is how the world is supposed to work"
EnsTren: and you can bet he's going to be checking if she's put on a vr helmet or anything of the sort
Edmondia: yes
EnsTren: then he's going to blame himself, and then her, and then withdraw again
Edmondia: but she hasn't left him
EnsTren: since when is he reasonable?
EnsTren: he thinks she's going to
EnsTren: or that she resents him
EnsTren: or a hundred different things
Edmondia: true
Edmondia: but she's going to be acting more yami-like, I think
EnsTren: as in like a yami or like yami?
Edmondia: like a yami, though I'd imagine she'd be following his example
EnsTren: he's disturbed and frightened by the change in normalitcy
Edmondia: she's going to sit him down and talk to him, I think
EnsTren: he's going to sit still for a while, hoping things are going back to normal
Edmondia: and she's going to tell him that things are changing
EnsTren: he's going to be suspicious and say he doesn't like it
Edmondia: "It doesn't matter if you don't like it. Things will be worse if we don't change."
EnsTren: He shrugged and withdraw slightly from her.
Edmondia: She placed one hand over his. "Seto, you know I cannot be your mother."
EnsTren: And a mask fell over his features and thoughts.
Edmondia: "I am nineteen years old. I died before I saw any of my children reach ten summers. My sons and daughters are dead and gone."
EnsTren: He was so very quiet--he could hide from her if he wanted to.
EnsTren: The others could trace thier hikari's by their bonds but seto could hide from her if he wished with his tigh sheilding. Was it because they weren't as close as the others?
Edmondia: She stroked his hands gently. "You are already seventeen years old, Seto Kaiba. I would not disgrace you by pretending to be what I am not - and I will not insult your mother by taking a place that you and I both know I cannot."
EnsTren: He frowned at her, "You did though, you did take it and I didn't even ask you to. You used that to weasle your way into my heart and I let you. And then suddenly you decided that you didn't want to be what you CHOSE to be to me."
Edmondia: "I made a mistake, Seto," she said evenly, "A mistake that hurt us both very much. The gods may damn me for it, and they have every reason to. I am sorry I betrayed you, my light."
EnsTren: He was shaking and his eyes were narrowed. Was he hurt? Was he going to cry? Was he going to hit her? She couldn't tell what was going on behind that facade.
Edmondia: "I don't expect to ever be forgiven for this," she said softly, "As I do not and will not ever forgive myself. You have every reason to hate me now, Seto Kaiba. I will not take offense if you do."
EnsTren: His silences as he left her alone was more damning than any screamed declaration.
Edmondia: Quietly, calmly, she went into the nearest bathroom and was violently sick.
EnsTren: And seto threw himself into his bed and cried.
Edmondia: Several rooms and an eternity away, his yami did the same.
EnsTren: It wasn't right! It wasn't safe! Everything worked out fine and balanced and good. He had someone who could take care of themselves and him and didn't need to worry about at all.
EnsTren: Who'd hold him and let him cry, tell him to cry, who took care of him when he was sick and reassured Mokuba that he would be okay.
EnsTren: (hmn...hey!)
EnsTren: (you know seto's view of her could already be changing which is why he's so upsetable)
Edmondia: (that's a possibility I hadn't even thought of o.o)
EnsTren: (he doesn't want it to change. and while she was still firmly in the mommy catagory he could deal with sharing her with atemu)
Edmondia: (mmhmm)
EnsTren: (tolerable, understandable, reasonable)
Edmondia: (uh huh...)
EnsTren: (and atemu having an inch in the father like catagory)
Edmondia: (mmhmm. but now...?)
EnsTren: (now she's still wraped up with atemu and seto's view is changing and it's fucking him up because as his yami (as opposed to his mother) she becomes unsharable)
Edmondia: (indeed - although she's becoming less wrapped up with Atemu, which is good)
EnsTren: (yet he's getting the feeling that he's more important to her and seto is)
Edmondia: (yes - it's something they need to wrok on)
EnsTren: (seto thrives on changing things, but humans need stability)
Edmondia: (mmhmm)
Edmondia: (and things are starting to change in ways he is very uncomfortable with)
EnsTren: (stability is important to him)
Edmondia: (yes)
Edmondia: (and of course he doesn't realize that the end result of all the changes will be stability in a way he's never had before)
EnsTren: (all he knows is that it hurts. It hurt at first when she became what she is to him. but then it was stable and he liked it and it made him so happy)
EnsTren: (and now she's changing it again)
Edmondia: (exactly)
EnsTren: (he's afraid the love will go away if it does change)
EnsTren: (and he sees eros as being a shallow sort of love)
Edmondia: (even though all he has to do is look at the other pairs to see otherwise - he won't do that)
EnsTren: (or he'll view it as being fundumentally diffrent)
EnsTren: (he sees them as loving each other and the lust incidental)
EnsTren: (he sees what they have now as loving each other but her wanting to turn it INTO lust so she can have babies)
Edmondia: (mmhmm)
EnsTren: (and that's just building resentment, that she's willing to upset and hurt him this much (and he probably subconsiously suspect our worst case senario) for children--well then things that don't even exist yet or are already dead are more important to her!)
Edmondia: (indeed. they'll need loooooooooots of long talks.)
EnsTren: (which he doesn't want)
Edmondia: (but they'll still need to have them)
Edmondia: (I'm seeing them spending a lot of time together, whether he wants it or not)
EnsTren: (probably going to need the yugis to hold him down so he'll stay in the room to listen)
Edmondia: (that's a possibility)
EnsTren: (which will mostly keep him from bursting into tears she won't be able to resist)
Edmondia: (she's still going to be very caring towards him)
EnsTren: (and he's going to start treat her like he does all females that want to get into his pants, ignore the ploy for what it is (or precives it to be))
Edmondia: (I think she's going to be perfectly okay with that, truth be told, if a little hurt)
EnsTren: (ignoring the ploys means ignoring her when he can)
Edmondia: "You're avoiding me," she said coolly over breakfast, "May I ask why?"
EnsTren: "YOu want to get into my pants, that's enough of a reason to."
Edmondia: She raised a delicate brow. "Do you think my love so shallow, or yourself so attractive, dear light?"
EnsTren: "no, but you're trying to make it shallow." And he shoved himself up from the table and took his dishes to the sink.
Edmondia: "I've never loved you as a mother would her child, Seto," she said quietly, "Does that make my love insincere?"
EnsTren: He ignored her.
Edmondia: She sipped her tea. "I won't just go away, Seto, no matter how you try to ignore me."
EnsTren: He washed dishes.
Edmondia: She stood up and placed her dishes in the sink, and wrapped one arm around his. "Hate me all you want," she said, "I would, if I were you."
EnsTren: It was amazing how unmoved her hikari could be
Edmondia: She rested her head against his shoulder and said, "I love you."
EnsTren: Untouchable, unmoveable. She understood why he was called an ice prince now.
Edmondia: She kissed his cheek and did not cry, because crying would be useless. "You're still mine," she said, and pressed her hand to his chest, over his heart. "I won't let you go because I'm selfish - but you can hate me all you want. I don't mind that you hate me."
EnsTren: "Don't lie."
Edmondia: She blinked back tears. "Fine. I mind that you hate me, but I understand why you do."
Edmondia: She kissed his cheek again. "I love you, my precious one. I just can't be what you want me to be."
EnsTren: "You don't want to love me, so let go of me."
Edmondia: "I've always wanted to love you," she said softly, "From when I was a little boy, I've wanted to love you."
EnsTren: "BUt when you got me you didn't want to. You want him, you want your babies, you want everyone but me," and he psuhed her away, scowling and marched off.
Edmondia: "I never said I was any good at loving you," she whispered miserable, and curled up on the floor and wept.
EnsTren: When his feet found soft carpet and when he was around a cornner, he ran. He ran and ran and ran and cried so he couldn't see where he was running to.
Edmondia: He could still hear her crying, so he ran away from that.
EnsTren: Or maybe it was his own crying he heard.
Edmondia: He wanted Mokuba.
EnsTren: He wanted her.
Edmondia: But he'd made her cry.
EnsTren: She made him cry.
Edmondia: It wasn't fair.
EnsTren: She was always there to make the tears stop or to be a safe place for them, (because not even Mokuba was safe, he couldn't cry infront of Mokuba it would make his otouto worry he was week).
Edmondia: If he went to her, she would hold him (but not like she used to) and kiss his cheek (but not like she used to) and wrap him up in her shadows (but not like she used to) and make it all better. (But it wouldn't be all better.)
EnsTren: But maybe she'd stop crying...?
Edmondia: It hurt to see her cry.
EnsTren: But she made him cry! it was her own fault for making them like this!
Edmondia: ...but she was crying, and that hurt almost as much as his own tears, and he didn't understand why.
EnsTren: So he went back to her, even though he didn't know how to hold her. It was better than her running away to Atemu again!
Edmondia: She wasn't running to him anymore, and he liked that.
EnsTren: She was hers! he wasn't supposed to be stealing her awya
Edmondia: She didn't need Atemu, she didn't need anyone else but him now.
EnsTren: Even if she wanted Atemu. Even if she really didn't want him.
Edmondia: It hurt so much to see her like that, curled up in a tiny ball in the kitchen, sobbing so hard her whole body was shaking.
EnsTren: So he knelt next to her and bumped his head against her arm and wiggled close.
Edmondia: She stared at him with her prettypretty blueblue eyes, all shiny and glinting with tears. "What are you doing?" she asked, but her voice was soft and choked and not at all commanding.
EnsTren: Your crying hurts me.
Edmondia: "I'll stop," she said, and sat up straight and wiped her eyes and took in a deep breath.
EnsTren: He was crying a little too and went to her, sitting up just like her and he pressed his side against her side, clumbsly putting an arm around her shoulders.
Edmondia: She wriggled closer, wrapping an arm around his waist and resettling his arm over her shoulders. "Like this," she said, and her voice only wavered a little bit.
EnsTren: So he did and was still because he didn't know what to do but still there for her so she didn't have to cry.
Edmondia: She was still crying, just a little bit, sparkling tears that slid down her soft gold skin one at a time, and she squeezed him a little and told him that it was okay for him to cry.
EnsTren: So he did, but it wasn't okay.
Edmondia: After a few minutes, she stood up and poured herself a glass of water. She drank half of it, then handed it to him.
EnsTren: He blinked at it but took it and drank.
Edmondia: When he was done, she took it from his hand and put it in the sink, then silently stood in front of him and offered her hand.
EnsTren: He stood up on his own after looking at it
Edmondia: Her tentative smile fell, and she turned away, slim arms coming up to clasp loosely around her torso.
EnsTren: He looked at her breifly then turned his back with folded arms--but did not leave.
Edmondia: Several moments passed in silence before soft warmth pressed up against his back. "I'm sorry," she whispered against his shoulder, "I'm sorry..."
EnsTren: He didn't step away, but nor did he turn. Why was she sorry?
Edmondia: "I did everything wrong," she said softly, "I hurt you so much..." Her breath hitched, as though she were holding back more tears. "I'm so sorry..."
EnsTren: He certainly couldn't argue with that. So he didn't even reassure her, but he let his muccles relax.
Edmondia: "I'm sorry," she whispered again, and then made a funny sound, as though she were crying without tears.
EnsTren: The only thing seto could think was: Why me?
Edmondia: It wasn't fair.
EnsTren: Why was the angst lumped on him? Did some being outside this plane of existance have it out for him or something?
Edmondia: (*points* she did it)
Edmondia: Why wasn't he allowed to be happy?
EnsTren: Why was he damned before he died?
Edmondia: What did he do wrong?
EnsTren: Who had he offened in a past life?
Edmondia: Her arms had slid around his waist, and he didn't know what to do.
EnsTren: And why...why did he want to cry again?
Edmondia: Wasn't enough enough?
Edmondia: But she was still crying without crying, soft and warm and trembling-dark.
EnsTren: Why did he feel so alone?
Edmondia: She was right there, it wasn't fair, why wasn't she his?
EnsTren: Everbody elses but his.
Edmondia: Soft hair tickled his nose, and he looked down, surprised. When had she slid around him?
EnsTren: She scared him sometimes.
Edmondia: She was moody and tempramental and blackblackdarkestdark.
EnsTren: And not his.
Edmondia: So she was dangerous.
EnsTren: She hurt him.
Edmondia: He didn't know what to do. Why did he love her? She hurt him.
EnsTren: SHe ruinined him, inside his head.
Edmondia: She made everything go crazy. Yugi had told him, had warned him that she was dangerous, why hadn't he paid more attention?
EnsTren: He tried to shunt her away to Yugi and Atemu but then...she came back and it hurt but then it was good.
Edmondia: But she was hurting him now.
EnsTren: She wanted to hurt him.
Edmondia: She was apologizing to him for hurting him.
EnsTren: BUt she wanted to.
Edmondia: She was going to hurt him because she wanted things that he couldn't give her.
EnsTren: She wanted to ruin their love and twist it into something shallow.
Edmondia: ...would that ruin it? Really? The others were happy, weren't they?
EnsTren: BUt they didn't start this way.
Edmondia: She wanted....
EnsTren: She wanted sex.
EnsTren: She wanted babies to take his place.
Edmondia: She was crying again.
EnsTren: He was crying too.
Edmondia: Her hands were soft.
EnsTren: She had nails.
Edmondia: She was brushing away his tears with her soft fingertips, not scratching.
EnsTren: BUt she could. If he angered her she could.
Edmondia: She was scary. She could hurt him so easily...
EnsTren: he wondered if he would kill her.
Edmondia: How could he hurt her?
EnsTren: It was amazing what humans could do if they were threatened, if they had to. Seto was living proof.
EnsTren: He wondered if she would kill him.
Edmondia: She was nuzzling him. It was nice.
EnsTren: It could easily turn not nice.
Edmondia: Her hands were on his cheek again, was he still crying?
EnsTren: Yes, he was.
Edmondia: She leaned up and kissed his nose.
EnsTren: He twitched.
Edmondia: She tilted his head down and looked at him sadly. "I'm sorry, my light," she whispered. "I love you, Seto."
EnsTren: He shook his head, no she didn't.
Edmondia: Her eyes were so pretty and so sad. "I love you."
EnsTren: "You don't."
Edmondia: "I do." She stroked her fingers through his hair. "I'm doing it all wrong, but I do love you." A soft breath of shadow brushed against him, heavy and sweet and warm.
EnsTren: "You don't
Edmondia: "I do, hikari."
EnsTren: "Why can't I belive it then?"
Edmondia: "I don't know, honey," she said gently, pressing her lips to his cheek. "I don't know why."
EnsTren: His eyes watered and he shook his head. pleasestop.
Edmondia: Stop what? Her own eyes were tearing up. I'm hurting you again, aren't I? I'm sorry! I don't want you to be sad, I don't want you to cry, please don't cry!
EnsTren: Don't kiss me like that, please don't...pleaseplease I don't like it it makes me hurt inside.
Edmondia: I'm sorry, she said, and turned her eyes down, petting him gently. I don't mean to hurt you...
EnsTren: He was shivering and standing with a too stiff spine and locked legs.
Edmondia: What did I do wrong this time? she asked anxiously, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you! Please, please tell me what's wrong?
EnsTren: Kiss me like that, pet me like that, I don't want it like that.
Edmondia: ...I'm sorry, she whispered, hiding her face against her chest, I can't even comfort you right, can I?
EnsTren: Slowly his shaking stopped, and that was good. He didn't want her that way, didn't want to give her babies.
Edmondia: She reached up to pet him again, then stopped and put her hand on his shoulder instead. I'm sorry... I love you, Seto.
EnsTren: "You don't."
Edmondia: She tilted his chin down and searched his eyes. "How can you think that?"
Edmondia: "You're my other half, Seto - don't you know how long I waited for you?"
EnsTren: "Because you hurt me, because you don't want me, because you don't love me like the other's love their hikaris."
Edmondia: "I know I hurt you," she said softly, "I know I've been horrible to you, my love... but I want you, and I do love you, but I keep making everything worse..."
EnsTren: "You want babies."
Edmondia: "I'm not in any condition to have them," she whispered painfully, "It would be bad for me to have them. It would make you sad... and what if I've forgotten how to be a mother?"
EnsTren: "You were doing fine as mine."
Edmondia: "You're nearly grown," she whispered mournfully, "You weren't my child, you never could be. My babies are dead and maybe it's better that way..."
EnsTren: "I was grown before I was ten"
Edmondia: ]
Edmondia: (ack, kitten, sorry)
EnsTren: (aww, kitty!)
Edmondia: (evil kitten)
EnsTren: (k)
Edmondia: She stroked his cheek. "I can't be a mother again... I'll hurt my babies," she said softly. "I can't even take care of you, Seto. I failed you completely, my light."
EnsTren: He could not argue.
Edmondia: She tucked her head beneath his chin and nuzzled him. "I've done everything wrong, Seto. I'm sorry... I wish I could be better to you."
EnsTren: (*scared herself*)
Edmondia: (?)
EnsTren: (sheseth and malikthings)
Edmondia: (gah)
Edmondia: She was very soft.
EnsTren: She was very poisonus.
Edmondia: Her hair was soft and smelled sweet.
EnsTren: She frightened him.
Edmondia: She made him feel good.
EnsTren: She made him feel horrible
Edmondia: She was perfect.
Edmondia: And beautiful.
EnsTren: Death was perfect.
Edmondia: She was dead and beautiful.
EnsTren: Pain wasn't.
Edmondia: How could she be so pretty when she hurt him so much?
EnsTren: How could she be pretty when he couldn't even see her though his tears?
Edmondia: Her waist was tiny, when had he wrapped his arms around her? Her hands were so soft in his hair, on his cheek, oh, why did this hurt so much and feel so good?
EnsTren: He loved her, he did, but not that way.
Edmondia: That way would hurt him, would make him cry, even if it would make her happy.
EnsTren: That way was cheap.
Edmondia: He wanted to love her better than that.
Edmondia: Maybe... he wasn't good enough for her, and that was why she wanted that from him?
EnsTren: That made snece, it explained why she loved others better than him.
Edmondia: She was soft, softsoftsoft, small and pretty and warm. He could take care of her.
Edmondia: Wait, no, he didn't want that - she could take care of herself.
EnsTren: And he could take care of himself. He just wanted someone to cry on.
Edmondia: He was crying on her. She was soft and fit just right under his chin.
EnsTren: He was sad, his eyes were burning and that's how he knew it. He was crying because he was sad.
Edmondia: She was petting him, so soft, wall warm and shadowy-velvet black. Felt nice.
EnsTren: He was still sad
Edmondia: But she was warm and her arms were tight around him.
EnsTren: W-why does it hurt?
Edmondia: She was crying too, oh no, she wasn't supposed to cry! I don't know, honey... I don't know, pretty light.
EnsTren: (I'm going riding and eeting, be back eventually)
EnsTren signed off at 6:40:36 PM.
EnsTren signed on at 10:56:24 PM.
EnsTren: (hi)
Edmondia: (hullo)
EnsTren: (how are our setotes?)
Edmondia: (which ones?)
EnsTren: (all)
Edmondia: (hesetotes are playing checkers, sheseto and heseth are with mokuba, attempting DDR, and sheseth and her seto are curled up in a corner together)
EnsTren: (cuteness)
Edmondia: (the DDR game is particularly amusing)
Edmondia: (considering the fact that Mokuba is winning by a landslide)
EnsTren: heh
EnsTren: (setos are distracted by each other's but wiggling)
Edmondia: (quite - and poor seth is particularly confounded by the boob-jiggle)
EnsTren: (*sniggers*)
Edmondia: (he's just tripped and landed flat on his face)
Edmondia: (for the third time)
EnsTren: (heh
EnsTren: (am seeing anzu and she seth do the dancing thing)
Edmondia: (hee~)
Edmondia: (actually, yukie and I were talking the other day, and it came to mind that pharaohboi would know how to dance)
EnsTren: (oh?>)
Edmondia: (I believe her words were 'sexae ceremonial dances')
EnsTren: (hipthrusty?)
Edmondia: (ayup.)
EnsTren: (hee)
Edmondia: (it then dissolved into a discussion of bootay-slapping of said dancing pharaoh and the conclusion that Seth would beat on us to death if we tried to interrupt)
EnsTren: (heh)
EnsTren: (nemichan is still seeing yugi tachi watching sheseth dancing in the arcade)
EnsTren: (and she being disturbed that it doesn't get seto's attention)
Edmondia: (hmn. understandable, I think.)
Edmondia: (after all, he IS a boy, so no wonder she's befuddled)
EnsTren: (but seto gets up and takes anzu's [;ace on the second platform)
Edmondia: (oh?)
EnsTren: (yugi proded him saying it would be a good bonding experiance)
EnsTren: (and then atemu pointing out anzu took seto's first place mark)
EnsTren: (cannon that KAI was number one slot on all the games in the arcade)
Edmondia: (true)
EnsTren: (so seto and seth doing syncronized Para Para Revolution?)
Edmondia: (I just watch people do DDR, I don't know any names or anything)
Edmondia: (but I guess so)
Edmondia: (are they having fun?)
EnsTren: (a bit)
EnsTren: (the thing anzu was dancing on was a cross between pump it up, DDR and the lasers for the arms to pass though were from para para)
EnsTren: (Pump Para Revolution?)
Edmondia: (uh.)
Edmondia: (sure.)
EnsTren: (mew?)
Edmondia: (*knows absolutely nothing about dancing, so is smiling and nodding*)
Edmondia: (so, fun?)
EnsTren: (okay, pump ir up has foot buttons in the cornners and in the center)
EnsTren: (DDR has them on the sides)
Edmondia: (okay...)
EnsTren: (para para has an eight sided 'cage' that has invisible sensors so when you stick your hand though the sides it sets off the sensor like stepping on a button in DDR)
EnsTren: (the game anzu played had buttons in all directions and sensor lasers that required movemnt of the arms)
Edmondia: (gotcha)
Edmondia: (so them dance good?)
EnsTren: (yush)
EnsTren: (and people get a choice, boobies and girl booty or boi booty)
Edmondia: (heh. methinks they get catcalled)
Edmondia: (Oh dear. I believe someone just told Kaiba to, "Shake it like a polaroid picture, baby!")
EnsTren: (seto ignores)
EnsTren: (japanese rub polaroids on heads)
Edmondia: (they've been listening to that stupid song)
EnsTren: (ah)
Edmondia: (...random)
EnsTren: (*nibbles*)
Edmondia: (gimme a sec to sort this out...)
Edmondia: He didn't want to see her dancing. It wasn't that she wasn't good - because she was, in ways that Anzu wasn't and could never be. He'd watched her a little, before, far away and uncomfortable, sneaking peeks from under his lashes and feeling insecure.
Edmondia: All of the girls he knew - Mai and Anzu, really - flaunted themselves proudly, unashamed and lovely because of it.
EnsTren: (*flops and listens*)
Edmondia: She flaunted herself too, and he didn't quite understand why it made him feel so strange. She was beautiful, yes, but so were the others. Her dancing style was different - the motions were the same, but something in the way she moved hinted at what she had been, not what she was.
Edmondia: He'd watched her and tried to figure out what it was that he was feeling, but he couldn't find a name for it.
Edmondia: Her hair was down and loose and redgold fire against the bronze of her skin, and her eyes were smoky and dark. He couldn't stand to watch her breathe.
EnsTren: He tried another tact, did he like the feeling?
Edmondia: He didn't know.
Edmondia: He watched her fingers curl and dip and weave, watched her head fall back, watched her twist and tilt and he couldn't seem to think straight anymore.
Edmondia: The others were staring at her.
EnsTren: He knew he didn't like that
Edmondia: He wanted to scream at them, rip out their eyes and fling them all away from her - they had no right too look upon her like this.
EnsTren: She was his, his! Just because he wasn't most important to her, just because she wanted other people didn't mean he had to like it!
Edmondia: And there were others, stranger-others, stranger-others who whistled and called things and watched her with fascination and lust and he HATED them most of all.
Edmondia: Didn't they realize she was better than them? Didn't they realize who she was?
Edmondia: That smile - that smile that curved painted lips and bared a flash of white fangs - that smile was not for them!
EnsTren: ...And it wasn't for him.
Edmondia: It was... just her, he realized in dawning epiphany, Just her, just her, just her being perfect and happy and right. In this moment, she wasn't with him - she wasn't with any of them.
Edmondia: She was dancing for herself, and he wondered how he had missed it before, the pain and joy in her kohl-darkened eyes, the tragedy that she shaped in her hands.
EnsTren: She was happy without him.
Edmondia: He didn't want to watch her dance. He was afraid he was going to cry.
EnsTren: (is he dancing too?)
Edmondia: (uh huh)
EnsTren: So he didn't look at her anymore. He'd stop dancing and go away if his pride allowed him to.
Edmondia: He could stop - the music would stop soon, and he would be free to leave her alone again.
Edmondia: ...she was afraid of being alone.
Edmondia: The music stopped.
Edmondia: Everything stopped.
EnsTren: She was happy when she was alone. ANd her truely precious people were here, Yugi and Atemu.
Edmondia: And then there were catcalls and cheering and her fingertips wound around his wrist, and then she was guiding him down from the platform and through the crowd.
Edmondia: She pushed away admirers for the both of them, eyes flashing blue steel and fire, and he didn't know what to think when her arm wrapped around his waist.
EnsTren: He was confused, she should be dancing again and be happy!
Edmondia: But the strangers backed off, then, and she walked him through the arcade out into the cool evening.
EnsTren: He was very very quiet and confusedupset.
Edmondia: She pressed herself into his side and took his arms and wrapped them around her waist, turning her face to the sky. "...do you think I'm selfish, Seto?" she asked quietly.
EnsTren: He didn't answer directly, "Thank you for helping me out of the arcade. WHy don't you go in and have more fun."
Edmondia: She shook her head, and her hair tickled his neck and shoulder. "I don't want to go back inside."
EnsTren: "You were happy dancing," without me
Edmondia: "I want to dance with you."
EnsTren: "...You just were"
Edmondia: She sighed softly, pressing up against him. "So am I selfish, precious light, for wanting more?"
EnsTren: "Why do you want to? you were happy in there, I saw you you were dancing for yourself"
Edmondia: "You think I'm selfish," she said softly, "You're right, of course. I'm sorry, I won't ask you again."
EnsTren: "I didn't say that, I asked a question."
Edmondia: "Because I love you," she said quietly, "Because you're beautiful, because you're sad tonight."
EnsTren: "You were happy without me"
EnsTren: "You were happy because you were alone dancing up there."
Edmondia: "...you think I'm selfish," she whispered, and her shoulders shook, just a little, just enough to frighten him.
EnsTren: "When did I say that?" How could she be selfish if he liked being alone too?
Edmondia: "Because I want you," she said, "I'm selfish because I'm not satisfied with coming to terms with myself. I'm sorry, I won't bother you again."
EnsTren: "They were looking at you."
EnsTren: "They were calling you things and looking at you and making sounds."
Edmondia: "They always do," her voice was bitterly cold. "They always have, they always will. They're disgusting."
EnsTren: "But you were alone and you for you and happy."
Edmondia: "I'm learning to let go," she said distantly, "It's scary."
EnsTren: "You were happy"
Edmondia: "If I don't let go I'll drown," she said, "I think - when I was up there, just for that moment, I did."
EnsTren: "Drown in what?"
Edmondia: "Myself."
Edmondia: She drew in a deep, cleansing breath. "I have no husband," she said. "My kingdom is gone, my glory is lost, and my children are dead."
EnsTren: "You don't need a husband, you're better than that. Hell I think Atemu's balls still crawl up into his body when he sees you pissed off. And...I don't think your glory is lost."
Edmondia: She laughed, a short, brittle sound. "Sweetling, I adore you, but such foolishness does not become you. I have nothing now, Set has forsaken me. So tell me, my precious one... what am I now?"
EnsTren: "You are Seth. Just as I was Seto. It's your job to get your title--I fought for "Kaiba" after all. And are you so sure he has forsaken you?"
Edmondia: "I am no longer worthy of his blessing," she said softly, "His favor no longer lies within me."
Edmondia: Her grief was thick in the cool night air, cloying against his skin.
EnsTren: "WHy not?"
Edmondia: "I am no longer worthy," she said simply, and pulled his arms more tightly around her.
Edmondia: (need bed)
EnsTren: (nainai)
Edmondia: (nai)