EnsTren: (wb)
Edmondia: (sankyuu)
Edmondia: (where were?)
EnsTren: Edmondia: She reached up with one pretty hand and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "You make me happy, sweetling."
EnsTren: "...I do?" He sounded so surprised!
Edmondia: Her smile was so pretty. "You do, precious one. You do."
EnsTren: His expression reflected his confusion
Edmondia: She stroked his cheek, brows furrowing. "You look puzzled, pretty light, why?"
EnsTren: "I don't see how I could make you happy"
Edmondia: Her lashes were very long and heavily darkened with kohl. He wondered how he could see them so well in the dim lighting. "You're my soul, pretty one."
EnsTren: "I still don't understand, I make you sad"
Edmondia: "And you make me happy as well."
EnsTren: And he looked sad.
Edmondia: She frowned. "What's wrong, baby? Have I upset you?"
EnsTren: "I make you sad."
EnsTren: (*goes to make herself foodies*)
Edmondia: Her eyes were startlingly gentle. "I love you, honey," she said softly. "I love you more than I know how to handle. Being in love... being together... it's scary, and sad, and beautiful. You make me sad, and you make me happy. Don't you feel that way about me?"
EnsTren: "I don't know. I don't understand because you're trying to change it."
Edmondia: "Things always change," she said, "I think this is a healthy change, for the better - but my love for you remains."
EnsTren: "But you want to turn it into lust."
Edmondia: She shook her head. "No, precious light, that is not what I want."
Edmondia: "...how much do you know, pretty one, about the difference between lust and love?"
EnsTren: "I know you love me and I love you. ANd I know you're changing things because you want to have my children because Atemu won't give them to you"
Edmondia: "I am changing things," she murmured, "Because I was wrong before. I am not fit to play at motherhood, especially for one who I do not love as a child."
EnsTren: He looked away from her.
Edmondia: She touched his cheek, his lips, her fingertips silk-soft and smooth. "I know that you don't understand me, my love."
EnsTren: He hurt inside.
Edmondia: "Tell me what's wrong?"
EnsTren: He didn't talk, just lowered his head and hoped she'd pet and smooth his air espically around his eyes and ears. That made him feel better but he knew she wouldn't do it and that just made it hurt more.
Edmondia: She stroked his tummy instead, soft, even strokes, her breath warm and moist against his ear. "Tell me, sweetling?"
EnsTren: It made his tummy tie up in knots inside and made him hurt more.
Edmondia: Her lips grazed his cheek. "Seto...?"
EnsTren: He flinched
Edmondia: "Tell me."
Edmondia: She sighed and turned her head away, staring off into the distance. "I wish you trusted me more..."
EnsTren: "You're touching and kissing me in ways that I'm a hundred percent not comfortable with, what do you expect?"
Edmondia: "If you're a hundred percent not comfortable with me, why have your arms been wrapped around me for so long?"
EnsTren: "Don't twist my words. I said there were ways that you were doing things that I was uncomfortable with, not all ways."
Edmondia: "...do you not want me to touch you, then?"
EnsTren: "I didn't say that either"
Edmondia: "...everything I say and do upsets you, doesn't it?" she asked, tone half-wistful, half... something else.
EnsTren: "No."
Edmondia: "No?" She sounded surprised.
EnsTren: "No."
Edmondia: "Would you scream and run if I kissed you?" she asked sadly, tracing circles on his chest, or were they runes instead?
EnsTren: "No, but I wouldn't like it."
Edmondia: "You're the only person who's ever said that to me." Her eyes were very far away. "People came to me for blessings, once..."
EnsTren: He pet her hair liked she used to do for him
Edmondia: "The girls, the young ones about to be wed, or about to have children... they would come to me for a blessing for their new family." Oh, her smile was so sad. "It was unusual, but so was I -" She blinked once, hard, but he noticed the single tear that slid down her cheek. "Never mind, it doesn't matter."
EnsTren: "It matters to you."
Edmondia: She held her hands out in front of them. "It shouldn't - that life is over. I am no goddess-mother now. Look at these," she gestured loosely, "I could have commanded a thousand troops or blessed a thousand women with these hands, once. Now I cannot even comfort the one I love."
EnsTren: "You can," he insisted, "It's just sometimes...what you try to do I don't like."
Edmondia: She shook her head. "You fear me still."
EnsTren: "So?"
Edmondia: "It makes me sad."
EnsTren: "I'm sorry."
Edmondia: "You can't help it," she said, "I hurt you."$
EnsTren: "No."
Edmondia: She raised an eyebrow. "No, you can help it?"
EnsTren: "No, you don't hurt me."
Edmondia: The other eyebrow raised. "Somehow I doubt that, pretty love."
EnsTren: "YOu make me sad, and it hurts inside, and you frighten me."
EnsTren: (you know I can't decide if seto's blunt honesty is a boon or a curse to this relationship?)
Edmondia: "If it hurts inside, I'm hurting you," she said calmly.
Edmondia: (me either)
EnsTren: He was very quiet.
Edmondia: "Talk to me," she coaxed, "How can we get better if we don't talk?"
EnsTren: "I don't know, I thought we were fine."
Edmondia: She laughed, a short, bitter sound. "Seto, where I am involved, nothing is ever fine."
EnsTren: He was quiet quiet and sadsadhikaribright. He twinkled liked the stars would if she could see them.
Edmondia: "I want to kiss you," she told him, "Does that scare you, my love?"
EnsTren: "I don't want things to change."
Edmondia: "Things have to change. Things are changing."
EnsTren: "Why is how it is bad?"
Edmondia: "I'm not your morther."
EnsTren: "So? I'm not Mokuba's father either."
Edmondia: "Seto, I'm in love with you."
EnsTren: "YOu weren't before."
Edmondia: "Wasn't I?"
EnsTren: "I don't think you were."
Edmondia: "I was," she said, and her eyes were strange.
EnsTren: "Why? How?"
Edmondia: "Why? Because. How? I always have been."
EnsTren: He was so very quiet, her little light. Quiet and confused.
Edmondia: "Tell me?" she invited, "What do you want to know?"
Edmondia: She stood on her tiptoes and peered into his eyes. "...Seto, if you want to know something, just ask me."
EnsTren: "How can yo love me like that?"
Edmondia: Her smile was warm and made something inside him tingle. "How can I not?"
EnsTren: "You didn't like me then"
Edmondia: "Didn't I?"
EnsTren: "You didn't."
Edmondia: "I did."
EnsTren: "But you didn't want me"
Edmondia: "I did."
EnsTren: "No you didn't"
Edmondia: "I did."
EnsTren: "You," he said simply, "Wanted, want, Atemu."
Edmondia: She didn't even blink. "Yes."
EnsTren: "But not me, because I'm taller than you. I...frighten you, and I make you sad."
Edmondia: Then one thin brow rose gracefully. "Do you think that my wanting him makes me want you any less?"
Edmondia: "Or do you think that he doesn't frighten me and make me sad?"
EnsTren: "You want him more."
Edmondia: She shook her head. "No, Seto. I want you both."
EnsTren: But I'm your hikari! part of him wailed, well hidden from her. You're supposed to want me most and best and first and love me most and best and first. But you love him more. He's more important to you. And I hate him! He takes my title, he takes you, and because he won't cooperate with you he's taking what we had! If he would give you children she wouldn't have changed this and made my life horribleconfusinghurting again!
Edmondia: "I'm selfish," she said softly, "Because I belong only to you. It's not fair to you that I want him too."
EnsTren: And his eyed widened as his pupils contracted. But he looked down so she wouldn't see as he stared at his chest.
Edmondia: "I'm..." she paused for a moment, searching for the words. "I'm all wrong, Seto. I dreamed of you forever - but I made someone else my world. It's not fair to you, sweetling, and this isn't an excuse for my behavior. There's nothing that can excuse what I did to you."
EnsTren: "Then why did I like how you made things?"
EnsTren: He cursed himself for the confused tears that sliped past his control and were audible in his shaking voice.
Edmondia: "Because it was my love that made it," she said, and oh, was she crying too?
EnsTren: "I don't understand-!"
Edmondia: "I love you," she said, "I always have, I always will, and even if I treated you horribly, even if I did everything wrong, it was still my love for you that did it."
EnsTren: "So what does that mean?"
Edmondia: "We're both damaged," she said, and pressed her palm to his cheek, "And when I offered you my love, no matter how twisted, what else could you do but accept it?"
EnsTren: He was shaking and he couldn't see. "But now I don't have any of your love!"
Edmondia: "You have all that I can give you," she whispered painfully, "I am in love with you as I always have been."
EnsTren: "But you won't give me your love in the way I know and I can't take it in the way you are trying to."
EnsTren: "I'm alone..."
EnsTren: And his hands fell from her waist.
Edmondia: Her arms slid around his neck, her body wrapped around his, and she kissed him, soft and tender and innocent, a child's affection shared with a beloved friend.
EnsTren: And he stopped shakeing so much and stopped feeling quiet so alone.
Edmondia: "You are all that I need," she whispered against his lips, "I know I can love you much better than this..." And she kissed him again, so soft, so light, shadows slipping like silk over him, holding him warm and close and tight. Sweetly chaste - and pure love.
EnsTren: He never had a friend, he didn't know...! Lost. Confusion. Fear.
Edmondia: "Ssh... kiss me back, honey, it's all right, I'm here, I won't leave you. Nothing scary, nothing dark - just love." Her eyes were bright and warm. "Just love me."
EnsTren: B-but kisses were...
Edmondia: "A gesture of affection and trust, nothing less, nothing more. They mean different things at different times, but right now, just love. Just us, just our soul. Nothing scary, nothing dark. Just love."
Edmondia: She smiled gently at him. "So will you kiss me, my own?"
EnsTren: "I-I-I," his jaw was working and his eyes were so wide and confusedscared. What had she done to him that this was the way he reacted.
Edmondia: Her smile wavered. "I won't mind if you say no, my light."
EnsTren: He was shaking, "I don't...Don't...I don't know..."
EnsTren: She might pounce on him.
Edmondia: Her smile fell. "It's all right, then," she murmured, and tucked her head beneath his chin. "You don't have to do anything, my own."
EnsTren: He was trembling, and why were his eyes tearing up again?
Edmondia: "It's all right, sweet one," she whispered against his neck, "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, my pretty one."
EnsTren: And he was still shaking.
EnsTren: She was so close to him, so warm and dark.
EnsTren: But why did he feel alone?
Edmondia: "I won't hurt you," she said, and squeezed him gently, "I don't want to hurt you again, my pretty light, my sweet life."
EnsTren: "...I," his voice cracked and sounded more like a croak.
Edmondia: "You?" she coaxed gently, "You what, pretty sweetling?"
EnsTren: I want Mokuba! he wailed to her.
Edmondia: "Then we'll go home," she said, and slipped from him like mist into the night.
EnsTren: And he plodded along behind her, all too corporeal.
Edmondia: It was a long way back to the mansion, but if she wanted to walk, they would walk.
EnsTren: And so they did.
EnsTren: And his soul felt more alone every step of the way.
Edmondia: Halfway home, she paused, and turned to look at him, and oh, how easy would it be to fall into her eyes?
EnsTren: But he was alone, so he gazed back.
Edmondia: You are never alone, my light, she said, and she took his arm and drew him close beside her.
EnsTren: But he was.
Edmondia: When they finally reached home, he was startled to realize she was crying.
Edmondia: She'd hidden it very well - but she was a queen a goddess, that was to be expected - or was she a nineteen-year-old girl whose heart he had broken?
EnsTren: And then what was he? A monster?
Edmondia: Or just a foolish boy?
Edmondia: The one who pushed him into his brother's arms was a woman, but the one who clutched a stuffed doll to her chest and sobbed was a girl.
Edmondia: Had he done that to her?
Edmondia: He clutched Mokuba more tightly and tried to hide in the thick fall of his hair.
EnsTren signed off at 8:20:58 PM.
EnsTren signed on at 8:40:20 PM.
EnsTren: He was so confused, but not so alone now.
Edmondia: He had Mokuba, precious precious perfect perfect Mokuba.
EnsTren: Mokuba who he protected with all his heart and soul, but who was no longer first.
Edmondia: And she was beautiful, and so sad, and all alone.
EnsTren: It was her own fault
Edmondia: She'd said as much.
EnsTren: Then why did he feel guilty while he was feeling angry?
Edmondia: Because he loved her.
EnsTren: Why did he hurt?
Edmondia: Because he loved her.
Edmondia: ...she'd kissed him.
EnsTren: It frightened him.
Edmondia: It made him feel special.
EnsTren: But she wanted to Kiss Atemu.
Edmondia: But she hadn't kissed Atemu, she'd kissed him.
EnsTren: It didn't change her wants.
Edmondia: Was he jealous?
EnsTren: He thought about it, considered and weighed it carefully.
EnsTren: No.
EnsTren: He was...very very sad.
Edmondia: She was sad too. He wanted to go to her, but...
EnsTren: She wanted him that way.
Edmondia: She was beautiful.
Edmondia: How could she want to change her beauty into something cheap?
EnsTren: HOw could she want to change what they had into something cheap?
Edmondia: ...she wouldn't do that, no, not ever, she wouldn't cheapen herself, she was a goddess, goddesses didn't do that.
Edmondia: And then he thought of her, so warm and soft in his arms, her eyes so faraway and her voice so uncertain, and wondered if even goddesses could be human.
EnsTren: He was frightened of her.
Edmondia: She was small.
Edmondia: She was small and she smelled good and she had softsoft hair and pretty ruby lips and sharpsharpsharp teeth in her pretty pretty smiles.
EnsTren: And she firghtened him
Edmondia: From what she'd said, he was right to be frightened.
EnsTren: He didn't want to deal with this
Edmondia: But she was... his. And she'd said so.
EnsTren: But Atemu...
Edmondia: Atemu hadn't touched her since - that time.
EnsTren: But she wanted him too
Edmondia: But she wanted him to, too.
Edmondia: She said she was selfish and he believed her, now.
Edmondia: How could she be in love with two people?
EnsTren: Espically when he was her hikari!
Edmondia: ...she was so sad. He didn't understand her, and she was all alone and so sad it made his own heart hurt in sympathy.
Edmondia: He wanted to go hold her, keep her, have her all curled up so small and so warm in his arms, he wanted to touch her pretty hair and beg her to not leave him -
Edmondia: Would she kiss him?
EnsTren: Did he want her to?
Edmondia: Her mouth was firm and sure and her kisses were gentle and warm and made him shiver in good ways, because she wasn't greedy, because she didn't push.
Edmondia: She wasn't like those clumsy, grasping girls, the ones he'd seen kissing equally awkward boys in the hallways and dark corners of the school.
Edmondia: Her kisses were soft and warm and made him feel special because she was paying attention to him, to himhimhimhimhim and no one else.
Edmondia: So kisses were... good.
EnsTren: But she wanted to pay attention to him because atemu wouldn't pay attention to her
Edmondia: But she loved him, and she wanted him, and even if it was like that she was so pretty and so soft and hishishishishis.
Edmondia: She'd said she wasn't being fair and she wasn't and it hurt but...
EnsTren: He wanted to make her happy.
Edmondia: She had told him that he made her happy.
Edmondia: So he should go to her and hold her - because she was so small and perfect - and press his face to her hair - because it was soft and wild and smelled so good - and... and kiss her?
EnsTren: But kissing...he didn't want that with her! not unless it was sweet kisses on her forehead and his forehead and gentle holding.
Edmondia: Oh, but it felt so nice when she kissed him, warm and close and right, sweet and soft and her pretty mouth left his lips tasting like spiced honey.
EnsTren: But it made him hurt inside
Edmondia: But it felt nice.
EnsTren: It was strange
Edmondia: She was strange.
Edmondia: Why did she make him feel like he didn't know which way was up anymore?
EnsTren: Why did it hurt?
EnsTren: Why did he feel wonderful and loney?
Edmondia: Why was everything so scary and so good?
Edmondia: He wanted to touch her.
EnsTren: He wanted to hide from her.
Edmondia: He wanted to curl into her and never ever ever let go.
Edmondia: Because she was perfect and so terribly, terribly flawed.
Edmondia: ...he should go to her.
Edmondia: So he tucked Mokuba in bed - had she done this for her babies? and went looking for her.
EnsTren: He found her, naturally, she was his yami, he could always find her.
Edmondia: She looked so tiny, curled up in such a big bed.
EnsTren: So he got in it with her, but not too close. And he didn't lie down
Edmondia: She was singing and crying all at once, clutching some ragged toy to her chest, and he wondered if watching an angel fall felt like this.
EnsTren: He inched closer.
EnsTren: "Why are you so sad?" It was him, wasn't it?
Edmondia: "I'm scared and lonely," she said, breaking off her song, but her eyes were still wet and glittered like jewels.
EnsTren: "Why are you scared? Nothing can hurt you. And don't be lonely, because I'm right here."
Edmondia: "I don't know who I am." She'd said those words before, why was she crying now?
EnsTren: "You're Seth."
Edmondia: "I don't know how to be Seth anymore," and she sobbed a little, "Atemu doesn't love me anymore, and you don't want to love me and I don't want to be alone again!"
EnsTren: "I want to love you, but I don't want to be your lover."
Edmondia: She cried harder, then, clutching her toy desperately, and it hurt it hurt ithurthurthurt to see.
EnsTren: So he rubbed her back. "Seth is Seth. You get to decide who you are"
Edmondia: Oh, why wouldn't she stop crying?
EnsTren: He bit his lip and then settled on his least favorite way of getting someone to stop crying. A bribe. Since he senced that ice cream wouldn't work at the moment he ponded it a bit and then..."Please stop crying? I'll get you a flame thrower."
Edmondia: She hiccuped a giggle. "You're sweet," she said, and then her face scrunched and she pawed at his shirt a little. "I want you," she said, sniffling, "Why can't I have you, pretty please? Pretty please, just once? I'll be good!"
EnsTren: He suddenly went cold inside. "Why do you want me?" He dodged as he skittered away.
EnsTren: (Icon! http://www.livejournal.com/community/playthedamncard /61216.html?thread=640032#t640032 )
Edmondia: She reached after him, eyes pleading. "I love you, I love you, please? Pleaseplease? Make it better, please?!"
EnsTren: "It won't make it better."
Edmondia: "But at least I'll have you then!" And she was crying again, so hard, so hard, "Please don't go?! Please don't I'll be good I promise! Just don't leave me!"
EnsTren: "I'll stay here, don't worry."
Edmondia: Her fingers found his hand and curled into his, and she was shaking. "You won't leave? Evereverever?"
EnsTren: "i'm right here."
EnsTren: "I'm right here, shhh..."
Edmondia: Her face crumpled. "He promised me that too and then he died. You won't die?" And she tugged on his shirt, childish and uncertain. "You won't die?"
Edmondia: The she bit her pretty red lips and shook her head hard. "...I'm being foolish again."
EnsTren: He kissed her cheek impetuously.
Edmondia: She blinked at him. "What...?"
Edmondia: "What was that for?"
EnsTren: "YOu needed I think"
Edmondia: She smiled at him, so pretty. "Thank you, honey."
EnsTren: He smiled back.
Edmondia: She lay back down, curled on her side, but not in a bad way like before.
EnsTren: He sat and watched her.
Edmondia: She picked up her very ragged plushie and smoothed down its brown hair.
EnsTren: He tilted his head and tried to peer at it
EnsTren: ?
EnsTren: ?
Edmondia: She huggled it defensively against her chest and shot him a glare. Mine.
EnsTren: What is it?
Edmondia: It's my doll. I've had it since I was little, you can't have him, he's mine.
EnsTren: I don't want him, I want to know what he is.
EnsTren: He smiled suddenly.
EnsTren: I have a doll too! Do you want to see?
Edmondia: He's you, she said, What's your doll?
EnsTren signed off at 11:25:36 PM.