EnsTren: (*pets she seto*)
EnsTren: (feel the angst)
Edmondia: (was wondering what the reaction was when she got home, all dolled up and in those thigh-high boots)
EnsTren: (sneak in the back entrance)
Edmondia: (Mokuba glomping her and telling her she's so pretty! *_*)
EnsTren: (heheee)
Edmondia: (aaaaand then there's Seth)
EnsTren: (and she runs)
Edmondia: (and he stares longingly after her)
Edmondia: (saying nothing more than a simple, You look beautiful)
EnsTren: (and she bares her teeth at him in a not nice way)
Edmondia: (and he just stares sadly back at her)
EnsTren: (and she runs because he IS interested in her.)
Edmondia: (and he apologizes again)
EnsTren: (but she's already gone)
Edmondia: (so later that night he slips a note under her door with his apology)
EnsTren: (and she would rip it up)
Edmondia: (and he sits outside her door, curled up with his chin on his knees, trying not to cry)
EnsTren: (and she would go back to whatever corner she was in and curl up just like him and try to keep the shivers and imaginings at bay)
Edmondia: (and they would pass the night in an unhappy silence)
EnsTren: (more fearful on Seto's side, because it IS a phobia)
Edmondia: (more despairing on Seth's side, because... well, his life sucks)
EnsTren: (but at least he gets to hold her now)
Edmondia: (even though he hasn't)
EnsTren: (and she gets snappish--but you can hear the fear in her voice, telling him to grab on because she doens't want to be raped later)
Edmondia: (and he apologizes and apologizes and apologizes and hesitates to touch her)
EnsTren: And she'd be cold to the touch and shivering in fear.
Edmondia: He just barely dared to touch her hand.
EnsTren: And she'd bite her lip and endure it.
Edmondia: And he'd hesitate and look away and whisper if she would terribly mind if he could hug her.
EnsTren: And bile would rise in her throat and she'd lurch forward a little and it would be if everything inside of her stopped.
EnsTren: "K-keep your h-hips away..."
Edmondia: And he'd drop to his knees in front of her and apologize again and again, but not touch her.
EnsTren: She'd snarl at him like a kitten and pull away, trying to be confident but failing miserably because her voice cracks. "W-well?! Wha-what are ye-you wa-aiting for!?"
Edmondia: And he would stare at her with tears in his eyes, still on his knees, an expression of absolute misery on his face. "I don't want to hurt you... I don't want to upset you, I don't want to - I'm sorry!"
EnsTren: And she would twitch and bite her tongue and wish inside that he would stop lying.
Edmondia: And he would swipe at his eyes with the back of his hand and keep apologizing, again and again, but not once move towards her.
EnsTren: And she would become shrill and tell him to just get on with it because she doesn't want to be raped.
Edmondia: "But you don't want me to touch you!"
EnsTren: "So?!"
Edmondia: "I'd hurt you!"
Edmondia: "You don't want me to touch you so if I touch you I'll hurt you!"
EnsTren: "So you want to rape me!"
Edmondia: "No! No!" He burst into hysterical sobs, burying his face in his hands, "I want to die!"
EnsTren: "Stop being weak! If I can put up with this why can't you? It's not as if it scares and hurts you!"
Edmondia: "I could deal with it if it were! I put up with it before, all of it, and it didn't matter! But it's you and I can't!"
EnsTren: "Explain!"
Edmondia: "I don't want to hurt you!"
EnsTren: "Well you're going to hurt me more if you don't!"
Edmondia: "I'd rather die!"
EnsTren: "So hug me goddamnit!"
Edmondia: "I'm sorry!" he wailed again, but stayed put.
EnsTren: "Sorry that you're going to rape me?! Fat lot of good that will do me."
Edmondia: "No! I'm not like that, I'm not like them, I'm not! I'm not, Atemu promised me I wasn't!" he sobbed, "He promised me I wouldn't be like them!"
EnsTren: "So hug me so we can get this damn thing over with!"
Edmondia: He was still sobbing desperately as he staggered to his feet, still stumbling over apologies.
EnsTren: And she remained still, knees pressed firmly together.
Edmondia: He hesitated again, stopping in front of her, trying to stifle his sobs, but his efforts were in vain. "I'm sorry..."
EnsTren: She did not respond but to awkwardly open her arms to him.
Edmondia: He hesitated again, taking a cautious step forward. "I'm sorry," he breathed, "I'm sorry."
EnsTren: And her eyes were cold and braced for the worse--she didn't care.
Edmondia: He reached for her, fingers wavering just above her waist, biting his lip, tears still glittering in his eyes. "I'm so sorry," he whispered again, and settled his hands around her waist.
EnsTren: And those fierce defiant eyes of hers closed and she trembled from that.
Edmondia: "I'm sorry," he whispered again, and slid his hands up her back and stepped closer. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
EnsTren: And she was trembling and bowing her head but letting him touch her, letting him have her light. Her shy strong wonderful perfect light.
Edmondia: And she was going to hate him even more for this, for needing her so much, but he couldn't help himself and drew her tight against him, hiding his face in the soft fall of her hair and clinging to her desperately. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I love you I'm sorry I love you I love you I'm sorry I'm so sorry I love you I love you so much..."
EnsTren: She couldn't breathe, she stoped breathing, and then suddenly she forced wheezing shallow breaths and trembled so hard in his arms.
Edmondia: He rubbed her back and nuzzled her hair and tried to stop crying. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry I love you I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to fall in love with you, I swear! I'm sorry! I'm sorry please don't hate me I'm so sorry I love you so much I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!"
EnsTren: She didn't listen. She pretended he wasn't there, concentrating on other things, math and science--not how easy it would be for him to...
Edmondia: "Please don't hate me," he whispered against her ear, fingers curling into her shirt. "Please... please don't hate me..."
EnsTren: But she already hated him.
Edmondia: He squeezed his eyes shut against the tears and clung to her more tightly. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry - I just - I... I can't help it, I love you so much..."
EnsTren: She was a statue, ice--her heart deep inside and freezing.
Edmondia: "I'm sorry," he whispered again, and released her.
EnsTren: "Don't you need more," her voice hoarse and harsh.
Edmondia: He looked away. "Yes, but not immediately. You - you should... have some recovery time."
EnsTren: "I'd prefer to get it over with."
Edmondia: "I..." he hesitated, "It will take... a fair amount of time. We... we haven't been touching enough..."
EnsTren: "...Let me get my laptop."
Edmondia: He looked down at his feet. "Okay..."
EnsTren: And she went and came back and sat down and started working, pleanty of room all around for him to press or curl around him.
Edmondia: And he hesitated but sat next to her, wrapping a cautious arm around her waist. "Is - is this okay?"
EnsTren: "Yes." And she tapped her laptop nervously.
Edmondia: "Okay," he murmured softly, and squeezed her gently. "Just... pretend I'm not here."
EnsTren: She was already doing so. She always did so.
Edmondia: He cautiously rested his head on her shoulder and placed his other hand on her stomach, shifting around a little to do so.
EnsTren: He hated how he frightened her.
Edmondia: He hated how much he wanted her.
EnsTren: Because he wanted her.
Edmondia: So much... so much.
Edmondia: He hadn't meant to fall in love with her.
EnsTren: Maybe he should hate her.
Edmondia: But... how could he possibly hate her? She was absolutely wonderful.
EnsTren: She hated him.
Edmondia: But she was brilliant and beautiful and passionate and glorious and perfect.
EnsTren: And so very afraid.
Edmondia: He wished he knew how to take away her fear.
EnsTren: She shouldn't be afraid, she was too strong to be afraid.
Edmondia: And... even what she feared the most could be overcome.
EnsTren: He wanted her.
EnsTren: He wanted to have babies with her.
Edmondia: He wanted her to love him.
EnsTren: To be fearless.
Edmondia: To be everything that she was, and all that she could be.
EnsTren: And maybe keep her breasts all the time.
Edmondia: ...but maybe he shouldn't tell her that.
EnsTren: He didn't want to be hurt.
Edmondia: He didn't want to hurt her.
EnsTren: He didn't want to scare her/
Edmondia: Maybe if he... if he told her what had happened, she'd see why he was so revolted at the thought of... of taking her that way?
EnsTren: How would that remove her fear, though?
Edmondia: He hid his face in her neck and sighed. How else was he supposed to win her trust?
EnsTren: Maybe he should talk to Mai, too?
Edmondia: Mai would know, wouldn't she?
EnsTren: Mai might know his hikari better than himself.
Edmondia: His grip on her tightened jealously. Mai would be able to help... she'd gotten Seto to smile.
EnsTren: And to dress very prettily.
Edmondia: He smiled and wondered if he dared kiss her skin.
EnsTren: No--That would frighten her uneccessarily.
Edmondia: But... would she mind if he nuzzled her again?
EnsTren: Maybe not, but he'd be very careful.
Edmondia: So he very carefully nuzzled her neck and shoulder, moving very slowly as not to startle her.
Edmondia: She was so light...
EnsTren: She twitched unconsciously but did not pull away. Careful careful to not startle or scare her.
Edmondia: Move slowly-slowly-slow with her.
Edmondia: And not kiss her, no matter how much he wanted to!
EnsTren: She was beautiful goddess. Sehkmet, perhaps. strong and female and blood thirsty.
Edmondia: He knew how to appeal to her divinity, but not to her humanity.
EnsTren: Not to her mortal fear.
Edmondia: She shouldn't fear him.
EnsTren: It was a small comfort that she feared almost all men in this way.
Edmondia: ...it was almost ironic.
EnsTren: They were the same.
Edmondia: They were exactly the same.
Edmondia: He almost laughed.
EnsTren: But he didn't because then she would be startled and aware of him.
EnsTren: But hikari didn't have the shadows at her whim to keep people from touching her. Only her will and strength of her position--which she was almost certain she would lose if anyone found out.
Edmondia: ...would she be willing to learn to lash out with her light?
EnsTren: Almost certainly.
Edmondia: He smiled. That, at least, he could teach her.
EnsTren: But what about the other things? Mokuba had explained it to him. How the people here feared disease and "mental defects" and how the the other high ranking people in the company--how they almost all hated his hikari.
EnsTren: Seto--gender identy crisis, cross dressing--whatever. A vote of no confidance.
Edmondia: ...they would have to change everything.
EnsTren: ...Or he could just control them and make them not make that vote!
Edmondia: He could! It was a wonderful idea!
EnsTren: And then he'd make them kill themselves!
EnsTren: Or play shadow games with them.
Edmondia: And he'd find good replacements for them, good intelligent people who believed in his hikari, and then everything would be better!
EnsTren: ...Maybe he could persuade hikari to hire Pharaoh-cousin? He knew how to run a country and the company was very much like one...
Edmondia: And... hikari made games, and cousin's hikari was brilliant at them, and he could test them and make sure they worked well and find flaws...
EnsTren: And make up new ones!
Edmondia: And best of all they'd never never never betray each other!
EnsTren: ...They might blow each other up though.
Edmondia: But Yugi and the filthy tombrobber's little pet could fix that.
EnsTren: ...but Pharaoh-cousin made hikari sad inside though. It was a recent thing, before hikari could believe she had a chance, but cousin COULD NOT be defeated.
EnsTren: It's not fun to play if you know you're going to lose.
Edmondia: Well... cousin's hikari could beat him.
Edmondia: But that wouldn't help his own hikari.
EnsTren: He still got upset when he remembered cousin beating him with the damned kuriboh.
Edmondia: Cousin was very sneaky like that.
EnsTren: Cousin was damnedly aggravating.
Edmondia: Stupid cousin.
EnsTren: Maybe hikari shouldn't hire cousin. Why couldn't he learn to lose sometimes? Or play with a bad deck.
Edmondia: Stupid cousin would probably win with a bad deck anyway.
EnsTren: Stupid Cousin.
Edmondia: He had all the luck.
EnsTren: Playing with Stupid cousin wasn't good for hikari. Ignorance is bliss, and with ignorance losing only drove hikari to try harder and harder. But what's the point if you know there's no point?
Edmondia: Granted, playing in a team with cousin had worked well for them in the past... but his hikari should play with him instead.
Edmondia: She, at least, could kick his ass.
EnsTren: Maybe that would make her smile?
Edmondia: He squeezed her a little, not enough that she'd notice. He'd have to try that, then.
EnsTren: But he'd have to convince her that he didn't let her win--she would be enraged, even if he didn't let her win.
Edmondia: He'd have to prove that he was trying his hardest to beat her.
EnsTren: And not win at the same time.
Edmondia: ...hikari was very confusing sometimes.
EnsTren: Hikari was tired of losing.
Edmondia: ...he wished he could make her happy.
EnsTren: He hoped that wasn't out of his grasp.
Edmondia: He snuggled closer to her, rubbing his nose against her neck. Not like she was, in his arms but so far away from him...
EnsTren: She was so warm, she smelled so good.
Edmondia: ...pretty hikari...
EnsTren: ...perfect hikari...
Edmondia: So warm and so soft and so right...
EnsTren: Except she was afraid.
Edmondia: How could he make her stop being afraid?
Edmondia: He rubbed her stomach and nuzzled her neck again, keeping his touches light and soothing.
EnsTren: Well, what exactly was she afraid of. You have to identify your enemy before killing it, of course.
Edmondia: She was afraid of... him.
EnsTren: And of the old men.
Edmondia: ...she was afraid of rape.
EnsTren: He didn't blame her. But she wasn't threatened by... Honda, or Otogi. No one her age but Jou made her nervous.
Edmondia: Why would Jou make her nervous?
EnsTren: He thought about it for a bit. Hikari could kick their asses. But he'd seen Jou's file which hikari kept hidden.
Edmondia: Was there something in there that made her nervous?
EnsTren: Jou wasn't a threat to hikari's dueling status.
Edmondia: Jou wasn't a physical threat.
EnsTren: Was he sure of that though?
Edmondia: ...he had been in a gang, after all.
EnsTren: So had Honda. But Honda cleaned up well, espically now because of Shizuka.
EnsTren: But Jou? Outwardly but he was still...
Edmondia: Still...
EnsTren: In a fair fight he could easily make it unfair and beat hikari.
Edmondia: And hikari and Jou did have a history of fighting.
EnsTren: All right. What did Jou, old men in hikari's company, and himself, have in commen?
Edmondia: ...they were all men.
EnsTren: And... They all had power over hikari, or had the potential ability to force her.
Edmondia: Not that he or Jou would ever do such a thing.
EnsTren: Fear was rarely a rational thing.
Edmondia: ...dear gods, they really were identical.
EnsTren: He squeezed.
Edmondia: How had he gotten over his own fear, anyway?
EnsTren: He got powerful, that's how.
Edmondia: Hikari, then, must also get powerful.
EnsTren: He would teach her to use her light.
Edmondia: And Mai could teach her how to use herself.
EnsTren: Then she could be fearless and Happy.
Edmondia: And maybe... maybe she wouldn't hate him anymore.
EnsTren: That would be heaven.
Edmondia: He smiled and squeezed her and resisted the urge to kiss her.
EnsTren: He smiled... and dreamed of hers.
Edmondia: She was so soft and so warm...
EnsTren: And perfect.
Edmondia: And she didn't even realize how wonderful she was.
EnsTren: Maybe she was afraid of that too?
Edmondia: But why would she be afraid of her own perfection?
EnsTren: Everyone wants perfection.
Edmondia: And hikari didn't want anyone to want her.
Edmondia: And he didn't want anyone else to want her.
EnsTren: They were alike.
Edmondia: In so many ways.
EnsTren: He would teach her how to be strong and unafraid.
Edmondia: He knew how. And then... maybe she would learn to stop hating him.
EnsTren: And they could be happy.
Edmondia: He hugged her to him and smiled.
EnsTren: He wondered if it were possible for her to be brighter--when she was happy and unafraid.
Edmondia: ...that would be amazing.
EnsTren: She'd be like the stars, like lighting.
Edmondia: ...he really really really wanted to kiss her now.
EnsTren: She'd hit him like lighting then.
Edmondia: And he didn't like that idea very much. So he nuzzled her jaw instead and petted her flat tummy and squeezed her tight.
EnsTren: And as he entertained notions of her flat tummy round with their child when all her fears were gone, she trembled.
Edmondia: And he snuggled closer and held her tighter and asked her if she'd like to learn how to use her magic.
EnsTren: She twitched but he could sence the curiosity in her.
Edmondia: So he spoke of what she could learn, how she could shape things, how she could defend herself and attack others and be strong and powerful and unafraid.
EnsTren: How no mortal would be able to stand against her.
Edmondia: How she could defend her brother.
EnsTren: How no one would be able to hurt her.
Edmondia: How everything she would do would be her own choice.
EnsTren: How her rightful powers as a goddess would be hers.
Edmondia: Would she like that?
EnsTren: And she was trembling so hard but he could feel the hunger in her for it.
Edmondia: To never be afraid?
EnsTren: "What do you want as payment?"
Edmondia: He blinked. "What?"
EnsTren: "What do you want... in exchange for these lessons?"
Edmondia: He frowned. What did she mean?
EnsTren: "What do you want from me?"
Edmondia: "I want..." he trailed off and twined his fingers into her hair, watching her closely, gauging her reaction.
EnsTren: She was afraid, but wanted what the power so much... she'd let him.
Edmondia: The realization made his breath quicken and his heart pound.
EnsTren: She'd let him do anything for the power he offered.
Edmondia: She'd be... willing to let him touch her, let him have her...
EnsTren: Willing to sleep in his arms in only their skins.
Edmondia: ...it would be so wrong.
EnsTren: But it was so tempting.
Edmondia: He wanted her so much...
EnsTren: And he had a chance--even though it was wrong.
Edmondia: He didn't know what to do.
EnsTren: It was too tempting.
Edmondia: "You'll hate me even more," he whispered, and his voice cracked, but he couldn't let go of her.
EnsTren: "So?"
EnsTren: "You want it, just like all men do."
EnsTren: "Now you can have it--without guilt."
Edmondia: He shuddered. "It's not right."
EnsTren signed off at 4:33:10 PM.