Edmondia: so Seth's a spaz
EnsTren: *pets his spazzy self*
Edmondia: *hugs him*
EnsTren: SheSeto is pondering why she was so willing to taunt boys considering her phobia and eventually came to the conclusion it was like the explorers and cannibals problem
Edmondia: oh?
EnsTren: the cannibals will only attack if they outnumber the explorers. there are three each and there's a river and they have to all cross it with a little boat that only carries two people
Edmondia: ah
EnsTren: also she's not agorapghobic
EnsTren: which most people with panic disorders get
EnsTren: they are afraid of leaving familiar places where if they have a panic attack no one will be able to help them
Edmondia: plus... she did know them
EnsTren: in Seto's case she's not yet so disenchanted that she thinks a mall full of people would let her get raped
Edmondia: yeah
Edmondia: and there were other girls she knew would defend her
EnsTren: yep
Edmondia: of course... her relationship with Seth is... gonna change.
EnsTren: but you can bet she gets the shakes after she has to do a presentation in front of a bunch of old men
EnsTren: sedatives baby, valium, paxil, something
EnsTren: not sure how, but you are right it will change
Edmondia: well...
Edmondia: Seth doesn't have the willpower to say no to her offer
Edmondia: but I don't think he's going to sleep with her
EnsTren: ask to touch her maybe?
Edmondia: yeah
EnsTren: every night with her in male or female mode as he desires?
Edmondia: I think so... definitely share a bed
EnsTren: good thing Seth can heal Seto because she's going to need it to get her brain chemistry back on track--you can bet she's going to be taking her happy pill of choice
EnsTren: I can't NOT see Seto making a hard bargin
EnsTren: verbal contract to protect herself
EnsTren: Seth has to say what he wants from her right now or no deal
Edmondia: hm.
EnsTren: and if he goes beyond that her training continues and he doesn't get what he wants
EnsTren: how many minutes
EnsTren: when
EnsTren: where?
EnsTren: so she has some protection from him
Edmondia: mmhmm
EnsTren: some safe time
EnsTren: safe places
Edmondia: yes
Edmondia: Him being very careful with her
Edmondia: Trying to see what she'll let him get away with.
EnsTren: her---living up to the bargin
Edmondia: Him trying to find a balance between his libido and his common sense
EnsTren: hmn
EnsTren: there's a style of sex that's non-penatory
EnsTren: between the thighs
Edmondia: mmhmm, or femoral
Edmondia: (on the leg)
Edmondia: but I don't think she's willing to do that... at least not at first
EnsTren: ah found it, intercural
Edmondia: but he does want her naked
EnsTren: definitely
Edmondia: and be able to kiss and grope, etc.
EnsTren: but she's argued him into he has to wear pants if she's exposed below the waist
EnsTren: in my head Seto's being cruel
Edmondia: oh?
EnsTren: banning Seth from kissing her face and especially her lips
Edmondia: he's refusing to negotiate that
Edmondia: either he gets to kiss her wherever he wants or no lessons
EnsTren: "I don't want to look at you while you are touching me, and I'm not going to close my eyes."
Edmondia: "You don't have to close your eyes, but I will kiss you."
EnsTren: "You can kiss me, but not my lips, nose, eyelids or forehead, and the space in between," she traced a finger around her face in a 'T' like pattern.
Edmondia: "Unacceptable. I'll grant you the nose and eyelids, but no more than that."
EnsTren: "Kissing people in those places... that's for between people you love."
Edmondia: He looked at her calmly. "I love you."
EnsTren: "I hate you. I'll grant the forehead."
EnsTren: "I'm not even going to be enjoying it, why should I let you kiss me there?"
Edmondia: "Because mouth-to-mouth kisses are the deepest way to exchange life, energy, and power."
EnsTren: She looked ill, "One kiss on the mouth a day."
Edmondia: "With tongue."
EnsTren: "I'd throw up," she stated bluntly.
Edmondia: "I might not be able to stop myself."
EnsTren: "I'll keep my teeth closed then. But if you do you forfit a kiss."
Edmondia: "...granted."
EnsTren: "You only touch me in bed, when we are fully alone."
Edmondia: "Only in the house, fully alone."
EnsTren: "But you get," she growled slightly and actually attempted to be fair and realistic, "an hour," even though she was clearly revolted--if not worse by the idea. "Per sleeping period, that means you can take a half and hour before we sleep and a half an hour in the morning. You can not save up time for a binge."
Edmondia: "So I get to cuddle you before bed and before school?"
EnsTren: "Unless you blow it all the night before."
Edmondia: "And we sleep together."
EnsTren: "Then at least one of us will have our pants on at all times--and I'm not talking about pajama bottoms. And I'm sodering your zipper shut just in case."
Edmondia: "That's acceptable. No clothes in your case, and no penalty for holding you while asleep."
EnsTren: She really didn't look healthy at that pronouncement. "C-cover stay up--ah-all the way."
Edmondia: "If that's the case, I get to wrap around you under the covers."
EnsTren: "Fuh-fine. And no tying. And if I'm tangled in the bedding you move away until I am untangled."
Edmondia: "And no what?"
EnsTren: "No tying me up, not even with toilet paper," did she honestly think he'd do that to her?
Edmondia: "Of course not."
EnsTren: "I'm not going to be restrained by you at all besides this contract," she warned with a quaver in her voice. "Having your weight on top of me is bad enough. So no hands holding me down either. I'll forgive quick grabs though."
Edmondia: "...all right," he agreed softly, "No holding you down beyond mere cuddling."
EnsTren: Some color returned to her skin so she no longer looked gray.
EnsTren: "If I'm out of medication no... none of this until I have some to take. And you clear it out of my system with your magic before I go to school but after you are done with me."
Edmondia: "...I'll tolerate your... dependency, but I won't be happy about it. At least try to quit."
EnsTren: "I take it when I'm going into stressful situations--it's better than having a panic attack."
EnsTren: "I'm not going to try to quit, I don't need it when I'm not feeling threatened."
Edmondia: "Wouldn't you rather not need it at all?"
EnsTren: "Stop trying to change the subject."
EnsTren: She folded her arms and tapped her finger on her elbow, looking pensive.
Edmondia: "I am concerned for your welfare, but agreed, I will tend to you as you so desire."
EnsTren: She nodded once.
Edmondia: "Have you any ailments you would like me to tend?"
EnsTren: "No hitting," she said quietly, and he looked sharply at her. But no, she didn't think he'd hit her--but she wasn't sure he wouldn't either. She barely knew him after all. No--she was being his hikari, thoughtful and covering everything.
Edmondia: "Of course not... but you may strike me if you so desire."
EnsTren: She twitched, "That wouldn't make you stop though."
Edmondia: He shrugged carelessly. "It would if you knocked me out - mind, that's only if I truly offend you."
EnsTren: "Besides, I'm going to live up to my side of this thing. And if I did make you stop I'd just have to let you do it longer that night or morning."
Edmondia: "I have no desire to hurt you."
EnsTren: She snorted. "You will keep the biting to a minimum, and in no place visible."
Edmondia: "Agreed - though should you feel the need to bite me, you're most welcome to wherever you like."
EnsTren: She tasted bile. "I am under no obligation to respond to you in any way. I don't have to touch you, kiss you, or even look at you."
EnsTren: "But I must follow your orders if it's not against the restrictions in our contract."
Edmondia: He shrugged. "That's acceptable to me."
Edmondia: "Although... I... don't like the way you said that."
EnsTren: "You don't have to."
Edmondia: He frowned. "...if you're having a bad day or are sick, I want the right to take care of you. Or... if you're in a really bad mood, I won't... I won't force you."
EnsTren: "Fine, but if that's the case I can keep my clothing unless for some reason with my illness I have to take them off." She inhaled. "The mood thing--I suppose it's sweet but it's pointless. I'm whoring my body and light out to you to get stronger--there's no reason to make it out to be anything diffrent. My mood doesn't enter into the equation."
Edmondia: He grimaced. "You seem to keep forgetting that I'm in love with you."
EnsTren: "You're asking for this out of physical and spiritual lust--not love."
Edmondia: "I want to make this vast unpleasantness as comfortable as it can be."
EnsTren: "So?"
Edmondia: "You're not a whore, you're making the most of your situation."
EnsTren: "I'm letting you have access to my body for certain compensations."
Edmondia: "For the sake of my sanity and your safety?"
EnsTren: "Because I want power."
Edmondia: He looked away. "...I've known whores with more noble intentions."
EnsTren: "To save and feed and house their family? Seth--I've already whored my mind out for that, and my very identity. So stop being a prick by trying to make me feel guilty."
Edmondia: "Merely considering the differences between they and you, dear love."
EnsTren: "You know very little about me."
Edmondia: "You won't share much of yourself, how could I?"
EnsTren: "So you wish for me to whore my identity out to you as well?"
Edmondia: "I'd like to get to know you."
EnsTren: "Did you want to get to know your noble whores?"
Edmondia: "I had no choice. I was the only one who could take care of them."
EnsTren: "That does not answer the question of want. And don't bother because I don't care. Next order, I choose what clothing I wear and you can choose to take it off but not change it."
Edmondia: "Yes, they were wonderful women and didn't deserve what happened to them. And fine."
EnsTren: Like she deserved this strange half life of hers? Pah. Her "beloved Yami" wasn't winning any points. "We can discuss modifications at later dates."
Edmondia: "Agreed."
EnsTren: "I get my lessons every day unless there is some technical reason for us not to. If you go beyond the contract's boundaries you continue my lessons but do not retain any side benefits of this agreement."
EnsTren: She considered something very very deeply. "You can kiss me every other day, however."
Edmondia: He tilted his head and blinked at her. "And have you any other requests of me?"
EnsTren: "Not as of yet--this is the first time I've sold my body."
Edmondia: His fingers curled into fists. "And would you like anything outside of it?"
EnsTren: "For you to stop trying to make me feel guilty or earn points with your talk of knowing whores. It irritates me."
Edmondia: His eyes narrowed. "As you irritate me."
EnsTren: She shrugged and swept away, holding her head high and her back stiff.
Edmondia: He glared spitefully after her. "Better women by far," he muttered.
EnsTren: Seto went for her sedatives.
Edmondia: Seth turned his glare on the floor and made a mental note to pray for them - it had been far too long since he had done so.
EnsTren: And ask for guidance. How could his hikari... how could she be so cold?
Edmondia: ...he just didn't understand.
EnsTren: He didn't even know why she looked like a man, why she took those shots and those pills to be so much like one - she fooled HIM.
Edmondia: If she would only explain things to him... or give him the chance to explain...
EnsTren: What had she ment by whoring her mind and identity?
Edmondia: He just didn't understand!
EnsTren: And she had forbidden him from talking to Mokuba about it, saying something cryptic about, "He's prbably forgotten by now--and I don't want you reminding him!"
EnsTren: ...Did Mokuba not know his onii-sama was his onee-sama?
Edmondia: How could he not know?
EnsTren: How long had she been masquerading, if it was long enough for Mokuba to forget?
Edmondia: Why had she even begun the masquerade in the first place?
Edmondia: Why wouldn't she tell him anything?!
EnsTren: Why didn't she love him?
Edmondia: ...she didn't even know him!
EnsTren: He didn't know her either.
Edmondia: If it hadn't been for wanting her forever, he'd probably hate her - it wasn't fair!
EnsTren: Why did she have to be so afraid and yet so fiercely independant?
Edmondia: Why wouldn't she listen?
EnsTren: Cousin was lucky, he got to swoop in and protect and save his hikari.
Edmondia: Cousin was lucky, his hikari listened to him.
EnsTren: Cousin got laid.
Edmondia: ...cousin was so lucky.
EnsTren: Ra damned cousin!
Edmondia: ...it wasn't fair.
EnsTren: Why couldn't the tomb robber have a hikari like this?
Edmondia: At least that thieving filth deserved it!
EnsTren: Why did he have to lose just because cousin won?
Edmondia: Wasn't he just as deserving?
EnsTren: He didn't have to be here! He came here to help cousin because the priestess said that they fell into a track in the future that would cause cousin to fail unless he was in his millenium item to make sure it didn't happen!
EnsTren: And he did! He showed his hikari his memory so she could rewrite destiny.
Edmondia: He'd done everything he was supposed to do!
EnsTren: Now he had a female hikari with a gender identity crisis who wouldn't put out.
Edmondia: And she hated him.
Edmondia: He'd been in love with her forever and she hated him.
EnsTren: At least he wasn't alone in being hated. It seemed like she hated all men.
EnsTren: But... it was worse than that.
EnsTren: She was afraid of him.
Edmondia: ...she wasn't the first woman to fear him, but she was the first to do so without reason.
EnsTren: She was the first to look as if her face was powered with ash at his mere presence. People did that to cousin when he was angry!
Edmondia: He'd never once been angry with her!
EnsTren: He was getting close to it now.
Edmondia: She - she just...
EnsTren: Argh!
Edmondia: He was going crazy!
EnsTren: He wanted her.
Edmondia: He couldn't stand her.
EnsTren: She was so warm, even when her skin was clammy and she shivered.
Edmondia: She wouldn't let him talk to her.
EnsTren: ...Was she that afraid?
Edmondia: ...why?
Edmondia: What did he do wrong?
EnsTren: ...He had been late, hadn't he?
Edmondia: Was she angry about that?
EnsTren: ...Did something... happen to her like to him because he wasn't there to protect her?!
Edmondia: Would she even tell him?
Edmondia: Could he even ask?
EnsTren: She might hit him.
Edmondia: But... if she was damaged, he had to fix her...
EnsTren: He had been, hadn't he? Using her own magic of change to turn her back into looking like a real girl. Of course it wasn't perfect, she was still too slim, not what she should have been.
Edmondia: Maybe he should ask her if she needed anything else fixed?
EnsTren: Would she tell him?
Edmondia: Would she be offended?
EnsTren: Would she hit him?
Edmondia: He wouldn't mind if she hit him.
Edmondia: But... if there was something else he could fix, he had to know before he could work his magic on her.
EnsTren: He'd ask lightly.
Edmondia: He'd be careful with her.
EnsTren: And that thought led to others and that led to... he was going to be able to touch her tonight!
Edmondia: He could... he could hold her...
EnsTren: Kiss her.
Edmondia: And maybe... whisper to her and kiss her and... kiss her.
EnsTren: And maybe rub against her, and squeeze her.
Edmondia: And maybe... maybe...
EnsTren: So many maybes.
EnsTren: He'd get to see her completely, all of her body.
Edmondia: Get to taste her skin.
EnsTren: Get to taste her... elsewhere.
Edmondia: ...he really was no better than the filth.
EnsTren: But he needed her so much. And it wasn't as if she wouldn't enjoy it.
EnsTren: He'd give her pleasure.
Edmondia: ...he hoped.
EnsTren: He'd try hard, his hardest.
Edmondia: He knew he could make her enjoy it.
EnsTren: And then maybe she'd smile at him.
Edmondia: Maybe she'd... tell him what he wanted to know.
EnsTren: And sit in his lap and let him hold and comfort her and fix it and punish the bad people.
Edmondia: Maybe...
EnsTren: He was her yami, it was what he was supposed to do.
Edmondia: He could maybe...
EnsTren: He would.
Edmondia: But... he'd have to hold her first.
EnsTren: And he could now.
Edmondia: He couldn't wait until bedtime.
EnsTren: He just hoped she didn't take too many pills.
Edmondia: ...if worst came to worst, he could purge the poisons from her system.
EnsTren: But only a little at first, so as not to enrage her or cause her to get those terrible shakes and the vomit and passing out.
Edmondia: ...he didn't want to make love to a sick woman.
EnsTren: Just like he didn't want to make love to an overly drugged woman.
Edmondia: ...he just wanted her.
Edmondia: Just her.
EnsTren: Kissing her, in her, touching and embracing and squeezing her.
Edmondia: Curl up with her and snuggle her.
Edmondia: Run his hands through her hair and steal his one kiss.
EnsTren: And if he was good, so very good and made her enjoy it, maybe she would kiss him.
Edmondia: Maybe...
EnsTren: He'd make her want her.
Edmondia: He could do that. He was pretty enough...
EnsTren: And he knew enough.
Edmondia: He could make her feel good...
EnsTren: He could make her love him.
Edmondia: ...he'd have to find her first.
EnsTren: She'd come here. It was almost time to sleep.
EnsTren: He mustn't put her off by going to look for her.
EnsTren: He wondered what her breasts looked like.
Edmondia: He should wait for her, but stay in his pants, at least.
EnsTren: So he sat and waited and wondered. Should he let her stay in her more masculine form and make her change into her feminine?
Edmondia: ...he wanted her as a girl.
EnsTren: How she was supposed to be.
Edmondia: So he shucked his shirt and his shoes and sat in her (their) bed and wondered.
EnsTren: And had no few fantasies.
Edmondia: He hoped he looked attractive enough.
EnsTren: She was prettier than cousin.
Edmondia: ...though if cousin were a girl and still wore all that leather...
EnsTren: Maybe if he could make hikari love him enough she would wear those skimpy lacy things she bought with Mai for him.
Edmondia: ...maybe.
EnsTren: Maybe a leather version?
Edmondia: Ooo.
Edmondia: Yummy hikari.
EnsTren: He smiled.
Edmondia: And he tossed his hair into his eyes and leaned back on the bed, trying to figure out the best way to display his considerable charms.
EnsTren: And he settled down looking hot and sexy and he knew it.
Edmondia: Now... if only his hot and sexy hikari would show up.
Edmondia: Preferably naked.
EnsTren: And she came in and stopped three feet from him, barely glancing at him before flicking her eyes up to stare at the far wall.
Edmondia: ...well, that wasn't quite the reaction he was hoping for.
EnsTren: Maybe he looked a bit too hot and/or sexy?
EnsTren: "What do you want me to do," she asked in a perfectly controlled monotone.
Edmondia: Be a bit more enthusiastic, for one thing. "Relax."
EnsTren: Her shoulders slumped slightly and she perhaps slouched forward a tiny bit.
Edmondia: He watched her quietly.
EnsTren: She made no move to do anything else.
Edmondia: And he sprawled out on the bed and kept watching her.
EnsTren: Her coat was flared around her like a shield to keep anyone from getting too close. She hadn't even taken it off for him.
EnsTren: She still looked male.
Edmondia: "...wouldn't you be more comfortable the way you should be?"
EnsTren: She didn't respond to him.
Edmondia: But... he was trying to be gentle.
EnsTren: But... she didn't know that.
Edmondia: "...pretty light?" he said tenderly, "Wouldn't you... be more comfortable?"
Edmondia: He didn't want to order her.
EnsTren: "My comfort doesn't matter here," she replied, staring straight ahead. Was she trying to keep her feminine form from him? Was she even now trying to keep herself from him by not even revealing that much about herself?
EnsTren: Or was she just trying to make him order her, so she didn't have to feel like he was giving it to him.
EnsTren: Or so she could hate him more?
Edmondia: ...maybe it would be better if he didn't touch her at all.
EnsTren: But oh she was so close to him now.
Edmondia: "...please?"
EnsTren: A twitch and her eyes might have went to him. He could be asking for an answer or asking her to change.
EnsTren: But she did change, her form blurring over so her eyes seemed as blue splotches with dark centers in the middle of a sanded face.
EnsTren: And breasts swelled up under her shirt and hips pushed at the seams of her pants, and definition returned to her body.
Edmondia: ...beautiful.
EnsTren: And she was within his grasp now.
Edmondia: His fingers twitched.
Edmondia: But he did not reach for her.
EnsTren: She walked closer to him. Did he tell her to? He didn't remember it; but he must have, because she wouldn't have come closer otherwise.
EnsTren: Even though she stood so tantilizingly close.
Edmondia: He smiled at her.
EnsTren: He could see how her breasts swelled under her shirt from how she breathed.
EnsTren: She was not looking at him.
Edmondia: But he didn't touch her.
Edmondia: Not yet.
EnsTren: She was like cousin. Proud. And too perfect, too holy to touch, it seemed.
Edmondia: But he was a priest, was he not?
EnsTren: He had been in charge of handling holy vessels, had he not?
Edmondia: She was his, was she not?
EnsTren: She agreed to this, did she not?
Edmondia: ...but she would be frightened if he... removed her garments.
EnsTren: But he could show her then that he wouldn't hurt her.
Edmondia: ...he would have to be careful, so careful with her...
Edmondia: So he sat up and held out a hand to her.
EnsTren: But oh just having her this close tugged at his groin and his heart.
Edmondia: He willed himself to be still and kept his hand steady.
EnsTren: Maybe... he could ask her to undress herself, might that scare her less?
Edmondia: He looked at her, keeping his voice deliberately smooth and low. "Pretty light...? Do you intend to sleep in your clothes?"
EnsTren: "I'll do what you tell me to do."
Edmondia: "..." He looked away, not liking it.
Edmondia: Not liking the coolness in her voice and the blankness in her eyes.
EnsTren: "Besides," she continued, she might have sounded bored if it wasn't for that uncertain quaver in her voice, "I already agreed to sleep naked with you."
Edmondia: He couldn't look at her. "...all right..."
EnsTren: She blinked impassively at the wall. She didn't have to respond.
Edmondia: He didn't want to order her.
EnsTren: But he could, and she wouldn't disrobe on her own.
Edmondia: "...go ahead, then."
EnsTren: And she started taking her clothing off right in front of him. Coat fell to the floor, followed by belt, and then slower, for she undid each button at a time, her shirt.
EnsTren: Pants followed, unbuttoned unzipped and pushed down past her hips where they just slid off--and then the tiny silken boxer breifs.
Edmondia: He held very, very still, breath frozen in his throat.
EnsTren: She didn't even step out of her pants, let alone the pile.
EnsTren: Is this what the archeologists felt when they unearthed his people's art, this awe at the magificent thing they beheld?
Edmondia: She was shivering, but if were him or the cold, he was not certain.
EnsTren: He dared not blink for a while, afraid she'd disappear if he did.
EnsTren: His hands slowly raised of their own volition, but he held back from touching her.
Edmondia: Careful... careful...
Edmondia: She was so pale... what if he broke her?
EnsTren: What if she was broken already because he was late?
Edmondia: "...are you going to come to bed?"
EnsTren: "I have to eventually." Her voice was shaking.
Edmondia: "...are you cold?" he ventured, sitting up and inching towards the edge of the bed.
EnsTren: Their bed. Or it would be soon.
Edmondia: He tugged a blanket free and stood up carefully, deliberately not masking his movements so as not to startle her.
EnsTren: No response, she didn't have to answer his questions, after all.
Edmondia: So he padded over to her and gently draped the blanket over her shoulders, careful not to touch her.
EnsTren: She tensed up anyways, though her position remained the same--almost. Her feet drew tight together.
Edmondia: So he slid the blanket around her middle, too, gently looping his arms around her waist and tugging the front closed.
EnsTren: He could feel how badly she was shaking.
Edmondia: "...would you like me to leave you here, or would you like me to take you to bed?"
EnsTren: And now, because they were so close to each other and only the blanket keeping his skin from hers, he swore he heard her thoughts. That she should have taken more pills and that she should not let him know that he was getting to her.
Edmondia: He forced his breathing to stay even, and forced his hands to stay still on her waist.
EnsTren: She was so warm, her light so bright and his for the taking instead of being doled out to him in carefully measured portions.
Edmondia: ...it felt so good...
EnsTren: She was shaking very badly and he belatedly realized that she could doubtlessly feel how good he thought it felt though the blanket.
Edmondia: ...he was scaring her again.
EnsTren: It was a perfectly natural reaction though, not just to her light, but to her beauty and closeness.
EnsTren: There was nothing wrong with an erection.
Edmondia: There was nothing wrong with wanting her.
EnsTren: He would make her want him back.
Edmondia: ...if only she would stop shaking.
EnsTren: He could make her shake with desire, if he tried hard enough.
Edmondia: But he was going to do this slowly, very slowly, calm her down and tuck her into their bed...
EnsTren: And kiss her, but not her lips, not yet.
Edmondia: He shifted his grip carefully, tucking the blanket more firmly around her. "...I'm going to take you to bed now, pretty light. Is that all right?"
EnsTren: "I already agreed, remember?"
Edmondia: He let one hand slide down her hip and shifted to the side. "I know," he murmured softly, and swung her up into his arms.
EnsTren: Oh Ra Oh Set and Horus this felt so good, so right. Even if she trembled like someone brought before cousin for punishment.
Edmondia: But he mustn't frighten her any more, no, he had to be gentle, so gentle, so careful with her...
EnsTren: He didn't want to break her.
EnsTren: Oh gods why was she so afraid of him?
Edmondia: He wasn't going to hurt her - he would never hurt her... So he held her very delicately, very gently, and carefully settled her onto the bed.
EnsTren: He should be the thing that kept the fear away.
Edmondia: He sat next to her and watched her breathe.
EnsTren: But she was frightened and turning her head to the side as he set her down, trying to hide the fear he knew was there as the blanket slipped open to reveal a creamy line of her flesh.
Edmondia: He wanted... so much...
EnsTren: He wondered what she tasted like.
Edmondia: He wondered if he dared find out.
EnsTren: He was allowed to kiss her though, wasn't he?
EnsTren: He argued with himself, that she had agreed, and surely she knew her own limits better than he did.
Edmondia: He had bargained for that right...
EnsTren: And it seemed such a shame to cover her beauty up so he could not see.
Edmondia: ...but she was so afraid...
Edmondia: So he carefully placed a hand on her stomach and watched her eyes.
EnsTren: She wouldn't look at him at all.
EnsTren: He wanted to see her beautiful eyes. Even if they were fearful. But he agreed to not make her look at him if she didn't want to.
Edmondia: He nudged the blanket away from his fingertips, lightly, reverently brushing them over her pale skin.
EnsTren: She shivered, he hoped it was because she was sensitive there.
Edmondia: He gently drew the words to a prayer over that small area of her stomach, murmuring the incantation under his breath, willing his magic to spill over her and surround her in its protection.
EnsTren: That... he marveled, was where their child would be.
EnsTren: Someday if they were lucky.
Edmondia: He pushed the blanket a little farther away, and leaned down and brushed his lips over that same tantalizing spot.
EnsTren: She flinched, the muscles there spontaneously jerking under his lips. But that was okay, he'd show her that it was. He'd soothe her and take away all her fear.
Edmondia: Ssh, pretty light, it's all right... I won't hurt you.
Edmondia: He kissed her stomach again, keeping his hands gentle and still against her sides, fingers curled into the blanket. I won't hurt you, pretty light, you can stop me whenever you want to, I promise.
EnsTren: She was so afraid of him, so delightfully soft and trusting, because wasn't it trust that made her willing to even make this deal with him? He could tell how terrified she was of him right now, but she was letting him, giving him a chance to show himself worthy of her. He had to keep positive or he'd start crying.
Edmondia: He might start crying anyway.
Edmondia: She tasted, she felt... so good...
EnsTren: His hands were trembling in the covers beside her and he dipped his head to kiss her again.
Edmondia: He inhaled the scent of her skin and dragged his tongue lightly down the pale expanse of creamy flesh, her light burning in his mouth.
EnsTren: Oh gods he needed her so much. He could get addicted to this. No he already was. His loins were seized by heat and tightened.
Edmondia: Gods, she was so soft... and his, all his, his forever and ever and ever... her light and her heat and her scent and her taste...
EnsTren: A shaking hand came up, oh it was his, and lightly caressed her stomach with its finger tips.
Edmondia: So pale, so pretty, so silken and smooth and warm, like alabaster and porcelain under his golden hands...
EnsTren: All his, all her softness all her prettiness and all the silk and alabaster and porcelain and all her trembling...
Edmondia: He brushed his lips and his tongue over her stomach as he pushed the blanket away, letting it pool by her sides, deliberately not looking lower.
EnsTren: He didn't need to become more enflamed than he already was. He could smell her there faintly, not well, for her legs were pressed together and he was almost certain she was still dry.
Edmondia: He kept licking her stomach while he trailed his hands up the warm curves of her sides, running his fingerips lightly along her ribs and pausing just below the swell of her breasts.
EnsTren: His palms itched for them and his fingertips tingled.
Edmondia: But he managed to keep from touching, just barely, raising his palms to settle lightly over her heart. I promise I won't hurt you, beloved...
EnsTren: Oh she was trembling so much. He thought perhaps that this was how the rare untouched wife went to her husband's bed for the first time.
Edmondia: The comparison was apt - he knew she'd never been with another, and... what had happened to him was nothing like this.
EnsTren: He felt a jolt of fear though, what if the reason she was this way was because she had been touched like he had? He had had a fear like hers when cousin rescued him.
Edmondia: He drew away as though burned, staring down at her with wide eyes, gagging silently on air.
EnsTren: There was no response from her.
EnsTren: But he needed to know.
EnsTren: He had to ask.
Edmondia: So he choked and he fought down tears and swallowed his bile as best as he could. "...pretty light - did - did anyone... d-did anyone... t-touch you...?"
EnsTren: ???
Edmondia: He swallowed again, trying to speak. "D-did anyone... w-when - when you were a child...?" his voice broke halfway through, and he finished in a cracked whisper.
Edmondia: In the back of his consciousness, the child he had once been was screaming.
EnsTren: He could feel his hikari's thoughts tumbling over each other as she didn't so much consider how to respond but ordered facts inside her head. Most likely, since I believe the statistics are one in four boys and one in three girls are sexually abused before they are eighteen. Rape is far less common. If it did happen it was so long ago I don't remember it.
Edmondia: He whimpered.
Edmondia: How - how could y-you forget?
EnsTren: There was another shift in her mind as she cognated on the signifigance of his whimper in a lighting quick fashion. There were a few foster homes though. I had to run away from them with Mokuba... She trailed off leadingly, conciously vicious and hiding it from him, she'd let up eventually but it was a weapon in her hands.
Edmondia: He made a sharp, strangled noise, then sank his teeth into his hand to keep himself from hyperventilating, eyes squinching shut against the tears prickling in his eyes. Nononononono!
EnsTren: I don't know but do you remember everything that happened to you when you were three? Sexual abuse can be anything from your uncle's hands lingering too much when he bathes you or sitting you in a specific was on his lap.
EnsTren: She twisted the knife, if she had to do this, live with this, let him do this despite her phobia she was going to make it as horrible as possible for him because she could.
Edmondia: He physically gagged then, buckling over, burying his face in his hands, a single, jagged sob escaping his lips. NononoIwon'tlookbackIwon'tlookbackIwon'temember!
EnsTren: What Gozaburo did to me was far worse though, she hissed into his mind.
Edmondia: He was biting his hand to hold back the screaming. Tell me, he choked, and gagged again on his own bile.
EnsTren: Do you think that I am like this because I wanted to be?
EnsTren: He thought he was adopting the perfect heir, but then he found out I was a girl.
Edmondia: He would have laughed, but he was too busy crying.
EnsTren: And he made me take pills and take shots and stole it away from me.
EnsTren: You think it's strange how I don't look quite right despite the magic?
Edmondia: He did laugh then, dark and broken, brittle as glass and beyond sanity and thick with darkness.
EnsTren: I've been taking male horomones since I was adopted. Straight though puberty.
Edmondia: He kept laughing.
EnsTren: Most people in my position have a sex change because it messes with their bodies so much.
EnsTren: I'm never going to be able to carry a child.
EnsTren: I'm never going to be able to go to the prom in a pretty dress.
EnsTren: I'm never going to be able to hear Mokuba call out "Onee-sama" in public.
Edmondia: He laughed again and reached for her, tears glittering in his eyes. Pretty beloved, come to me...
EnsTren: Do you know that if I hadn't won by now he would have had me go under the knife?
EnsTren: They would have cut it out and sewn it up and made a useless prosthetic.
EnsTren: And you know what? If he had found a doctor willing it would have happened a long long time ago.
Edmondia: He shook his head and giggled and slid his hands under the blanket and pulled her up and held her loosely against him, eyes fever-bright and wild.
EnsTren: He locked me in the closet the first few, the only times my period came, and it was dark and I only had a little food and a little water.
EnsTren: He stole it from me!
EnsTren: And I let him.
EnsTren: I knew exactly what he was doing and I agreed to it.
EnsTren: Just like I let him use my designs to kill people!
Edmondia: He smiled at her and pulled her fully into his lap, lifting her legs and winding them around his waist, running his fingers through her hair.
EnsTren: And she was shaking with sick fear and jagged dark hatred.
EnsTren: Her nails bit into his shoulders, dark and deep.
Edmondia: He smiled at her, empty and broken and fragile as glass. And when I dream, the unborn children scream for their mothers - they cut open their bellies and ripped them out squirming and squalling and crushed their little bodies into the sand.
Edmondia: And the women screamed and died and poured out thickrich blood over the holy land and tainted the precious water and cursed the magic that could not save them.
Edmondia: And Ra shone his blessings down while they flung me to the ground and stole my purity from me.
EnsTren: She didn't care and showed him how she saw herself falling into darkness, how it festered in her, clung to every piece of her soul puzzle. It was in a way just as horrifying because she was supposed to be a thing of pure light, and even after cousin batsu geemued her the darkness took root again in her core.
EnsTren: And he saw the horrors she dreamed up for herself. So very like what he saw and what he experienced.
Edmondia: Beloved, he purred, and looked into her eyes.
EnsTren: Every single night she dreamed, and her horrors of dreams were at least a match for his horrors of dreams.
EnsTren: But it offered her one clear hope.
EnsTren: He offered her one clear hope.
EnsTren: It hadn't happened yet.
EnsTren: Her eyes were savage and blank and hateful and fearful and so gorgeously fierce.
Edmondia: I love you, he purred, Sweet light, sweet life, I love you alone.
EnsTren: But the darkness in her, sprung up from the fear that cousin did not even know existed, would not allow her to love him back.
EnsTren: She could only hate him.
EnsTren: She could only fear him.
Edmondia: Don't you think I know how not to hurt you?
EnsTren: It will hurt anyways. And I... I can't feel desire right.
Edmondia: Why?
EnsTren: Just... do your thing and let me watch my soulpuzzle tarnish in peace.
Edmondia: No.
EnsTren: It will happen even if you don't touch me.
EnsTren: I have to see it everyday.
Edmondia: Why?
EnsTren: Because I hate men.
Edmondia: But I am not one of them.
EnsTren: They all just want to stick it in me.
Edmondia: And that is enough to tarnish your soul?
EnsTren: Have you ever met someone who could not bear to look off a balcony for fear of falling?
EnsTren: Or someone who would not go near water?
Edmondia: Vaguely, I believe.
EnsTren: It's called a phobia. Now imagine all that fear being felt my someone, directed at a group of people.
Edmondia: Mmm?
EnsTren: A person unable to walk a bridge over a ditch, instead finding his fear directed towards... say another ethnic group. Wouldn't he begin to hate them?
Edmondia: Mmm.
EnsTren: That's what I feel about being found out, what a feel towards men. If they try to rape me they will find out and rape me anyways and then my position would be ruined and I hate you so much!
Edmondia: He smiled sweetly at her. But I'm not one of them.
EnsTren: You're a male.
EnsTren: You want to put it in me, I can feel it right now.
EnsTren: You want to own me and know everything about me and put it in me again and and...
Edmondia: His eyes softened. You're the woman I love. You're the woman I want to marry. You're the woman I want to have children with. You're the woman I want to die for.
EnsTren: I can't get married without people finding out! I can't have children!
EnsTren: And he could see though the darkness rooted in her heart, that she could not love any man, only fear and hate with any passion, indifference otherwise.
EnsTren: She feared him and hated him and needed him just as much as he loved her and adored her and needed her.
Edmondia: He smiled. He wasn't a man - men were filthy disgusting creatures, violent and crude and cruel and vile, and he was not one of them. I don't care. I still love you.
EnsTren: Then what was he?
EnsTren: He could feel the tears and the bile and the despair welling up in her.
Edmondia: I am yours, he whispered tenderly, and pressed his palm against her stomach. Do you want to go to the bathroom, pretty beloved? To vomit and bathe and calm?
EnsTren: I want a pill, she said, And I said you could do this.
Edmondia: No pills, he scolded, And we're both upset and we both want to vomit. So do you want to go to the bathroom?
EnsTren: She shifted over and reached with her arm outstretched and touched the edge of a trash can and pulled it over. She promptly vomited into it.
EnsTren: Use it, that's what it's there for.
Edmondia: He shrugged, leaned over, and did the same.
Edmondia: You planned this?
EnsTren: Nightmares. She said and pulled off the bottom of it--a top like the can that had the coffee grinds in it and sealed the smell away.
Edmondia: A good idea, he murmured softly, and drew her to him again.
EnsTren: Their new closeness in the form of this revelation changed very little. She still hated him. And she still shook like a leaf in his arms.
Edmondia: I'm running us a bath, pretty beloved, he murmured, and scooped her up again, cradling her against him.
EnsTren: I'm not bathing with you.
Edmondia: You can at least bathe yourself, he said flatly, And brush your teeth.
EnsTren: Seto was already using the bottle of listerine in the drawer.
Edmondia: He carried her the bathroom and ran her a hot bath and settled her carefully in the tub.
EnsTren: She pointedly bathed without looking at him. And very pointedly worked up a lather to cover herself from his view.
Edmondia: He sat quietly on the edge of the tub, watching her calmly.
EnsTren: She was so pretty.
Edmondia: So angry.
Edmondia: And when she was done, he wrapped her up in a large towel and pushed her back out the door.
EnsTren: And then he took his bath, nose wrinkling at the scent of himself.
Edmondia: He made sure to scrub himself down thoroughly and make himself presentable before he dared set foot in their room again.
EnsTren: He dried himself and put the pants back on. She was lying on the bed waiting for him.
Edmondia: He raised an eyebrow, staring pointedly at her lack of a blanket. "Aren't you cold?"
EnsTren: "I don't want to deal with you pawing me for an hour tomorrow morning."
Edmondia: He snorted and sat down next to her, running a finger along her collarbone. "Full of yourself, aren't you?"
EnsTren: "Rather the opposite since I threw up."
Edmondia: He smirked at her, fingers dragging gently down the cleft between her breasts. "If it makes you feel any better, there was once serious thought about turning me into a woman."
EnsTren: She did not respond, but she did look at his fingers.
Edmondia: At least she was looking at part of him, even if it wasn't his part of choice.
EnsTren: ...aaaaand he jinxed himself.
EnsTren: She wasn't looking at him anymore.
Edmondia: Damn.
EnsTren: But she didn't move away.
Edmondia: He sighed and ran his fingers down her chest and stomach, leaning over to kiss her throat.
EnsTren: Oh gods her taste, her scent, how could he forget it that quickly?
Edmondia: She drove him crazy in every sense of the word.
EnsTren: She still hated him.
Edmondia: He still loved her.
EnsTren: And he knew now, when he took all her fear away, she would be able to love him back.
Edmondia: For now, however...
EnsTren: He would try his hardest to give her pleasure.
Edmondia: Even if he could only kiss her once.
EnsTren: But he could. But he was going to savor it for the last so he could savor it.
Edmondia: But for now he suckled on her throat and slid his hands up her sides and gently ran his fingers along the soft swell of her breasts.
EnsTren: They were perfect, she was perfect.
Edmondia: Everything about her was wonderful.
EnsTren: Except she didn't love him.
Edmondia: Relax, he murmured, I promise I won't hurt you, beloved.
Edmondia: And even that... well, he would work on that.
EnsTren: He wanted to look at her breasts again so he pulled back and sighed contentedly.
Edmondia: You are very beautiful, my light.
EnsTren: I'm twisted and incomplete.
Edmondia: You're human, beloved, he murmured, leaning down to run his fingers through her hair.
EnsTren: I'm not even sure of that.
Edmondia: Oh? Then tell me what my wife shall be?
EnsTren: A monster, besides, I never said I'd marry you.
Edmondia: Very well then, monster, will you marry me?
EnsTren: No.
Edmondia: Why not?
EnsTren: Because I hate you and you terrify me.
Edmondia: I'd be a good husband.
EnsTren: No you wouldn't.
Edmondia: Why do you think that?
EnsTren: I'd be doing all the providing.
EnsTren: (and library is closing, ja)
Edmondia: (ja)