Edmondia: Seth: *at the top of a giant ride* Hikari? Um, hikari...?
Edmondia: Seto: *boots them off* WHEE!
Edmondia: Seth: *screams like a little girl* WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Edmondia: Ancient Egyptian + water that isn't the holy Nile = chaos
EnsTren: Seto: *laughing like a maniac*

Edmondia: and be careful to stick him under umbrellas, for, "If you get a lot of sun, hikari, we'll look exactly identical, and then EVERYONE will get confused."
EnsTren: "...Sounds like that might be fun though."
Edmondia: "Nooooooooo! Like hikari's pretty pale skin and pretty brown hair! No going redhead like meeeeeeeeeee~"
EnsTren: "...But I like your hair."
Edmondia: "But I like your hair."
EnsTren: "And you really think my skin is pretty?"
Edmondia: "Mmmhmm. Exotic."
EnsTren: "But everyone has paler skin than you in Japan."
Edmondia: "Still exotic. And you're prettier than everyone else."
EnsTren: *blushes* "'m not. Just brown hair and blue eyes. Anzu has that, but I have better legs."
Edmondia: *laughs* "Preeeeeeeeeeeeetty hikari. And she has a better figure."
Edmondia: *reaches over and pats Seto's chest fondly* "Alas, dear iceling, you have no boobies."
EnsTren: *snorts and looks slightly pouty* "'Course she does, girls have figures, boys have cuts, or lines, or anything else implying slim. And I'm glad I don't!"
Edmondia: *snickers* "Of course, dear light. Of course."
EnsTren: "...Do you really think she looks better than me?"
Edmondia: *Eyes him contemplatively* "If you were a chick, you'd have smaller boobs than her."
EnsTren: "I have broad shoulders though, and if they were smaller it would because I work out. I thought you liked my stomach how it is." *looks down at his tummy which is quite toned*
Edmondia: "Yes. Definitely like your tummy." *tickles it* "Nice tummy."
EnsTren: *it becomes concave as he sucks it in because of the tickling* "So want breasts or tummy?"
Edmondia: *thoughtful* "Well, I am terribly vain... so tummy."
EnsTren: "..Good, because I'm not sure if I would have gotten a sex change operation for you."
Edmondia: "Of course, if you were a chick, you could have babies."
EnsTren: "We haven't come that far in sex change procedures yet."
Edmondia: "...well that sucks." *sulk*
EnsTren: "I have to take care of Mokuba, and I don't want to get periods. Yami, how would you be able to deal with me PMSing?"
Edmondia: "You wouldn't, m'dear, you'd be pregnant."
EnsTren: "Could you deal with me having worse mood swings than I do now?"
Edmondia: "If you were carrying my babies, I wouldn't care."
EnsTren: *he blushed slightly* "I don't know if I should be insulted or complimented."
Edmondia: He laughed. "Shy hikari."
EnsTren: "Am not!"
Edmondia: "Are too!"
EnsTren: *makes a face*
Edmondia: *chuckles* "Okay, hikari, you're not shy. You are, in fact, an exhibitionist that would put Atemu to shame. Happy now?"

EnsTren: "...Atemu is an exhibitionist?"
Edmondia: "...actually, I was just guessing on that from the way he and his Yugi dress."
EnsTren: "I think they just have a leather kink, and Yugi wants to be punk."
Edmondia: "Then again, Atemu's not exactly what you'd call shy... next time we see him, let's ask him to snog Yugi in front of everybody."
EnsTren: "...Okay"
Edmondia: "Of course, that means we'll actually have to be in the company of everybody."
EnsTren: *frowns*
Edmondia: "But won't it be worth it to laugh at the looks on their faces?"
EnsTren: "How about you go out and dare him where I have cameras set up?"
Edmondia: "See? Shy."
EnsTren: "No... It's just they... they all know you run down to cry to Atemu and know I'm the reason why."
Edmondia: "...does it bother you that they know?"
EnsTren: *a shift* "I'm embarased. And...I," *doesn't know what to say, but...* "I don't like my flaws, my problems, they're mine and I don't like having people knowing and talking about me."
Edmondia: "Friends do that, pretty iceling. They do worry for you."
EnsTren: "They aren't my friends."
Edmondia: He tilted his head. "But they still worry for you."
EnsTren: "Shouldn't. It's none of their business."
Edmondia: "Yugi's told them that."
EnsTren: "...Really?" *Yugi's always trying to get "inside his shell" and so why wouldn't he use this... blackmail to do so?*
Edmondia: "Really really."
EnsTren: "...Why?"
Edmondia: "Because he knows you're uncomfortable with letting family secrets out of the family."
EnsTren: "That doesn't make sense though. Why would he do something for me?"
Edmondia: *sweatdrop* "I suppose you've conviently forgotten all of those times he's helped you out in the past?"
EnsTren: "I didn't understand why then either."
Edmondia: "...because he's Yugi."
EnsTren: *blinksus at him*
Edmondia: "...did you know that of you all, he shines the brightest?"
EnsTren: *slumps, sad, because in his mind he doesn't shine at all* "Yeah"
Edmondia: *leans over and kisses him softly* "That's why. He cares about you, pretty light, and so he wants to help you. He'd help anyone if they needed it."
EnsTren: "...It's stupid. If Atemu didn't come when he did he would have gotten himself killed."
Edmondia: "And yet he did. And Yugi is alive. Doesn't that tell you something?"
EnsTren: "It tells me that Yugi might have died. Or if Atemu wasn't there on time he might have ended up like me."
Edmondia: "...if Yugi had been as damaged as you when Atemu came upon him, this island of yours would not exist."
EnsTren: "So Little Yugi is sweet and happy and doesn't have to give anything up except be beaten up on every once and a while and he gets a Yami to make it all better and wins every game. And I give up my soul and am tortured and beaten to make sure my little brother has a good life and get a Yami who causes me pain when I touch him."
EnsTren: *didn't really mean to sound bitter but he does*
Edmondia: He smiled back, expression equally bitter. "No one ever said life was fair, pretty iceling." And he bared his teeth in a brittle smile.
EnsTren: "Games are, because games have rules."
Edmondia: "Exactly. And that is why we can never stop playing."
EnsTren: "Atemu and Yugi always get back what they were playing with when they won the game. If they were playing with their friends souls against someone else, if they won no one would be hurt."
EnsTren: "I played a game with Gozaburo for years and I didn't get it back."
Edmondia: "It's not fair."
EnsTren: "Life's not fair, games aren't fair."
EnsTren: *Maybe... he should stop playing. The worst things always happened to him when he played, after all.*
EnsTren: *If you don't play you can't lose.*
EnsTren: *And he told his Yami so.*
Edmondia: "If you don't play, you can't win."
EnsTren: "I won the only important games I'm ever going to win."
Edmondia: "How do you know that?"
EnsTren: "I have the company, I have Mokuba, I have you but I didn't get you in a game. And I can't beat either Atemu or Yugi."
Edmondia: "I had my position, I had Atemu, and I couldn't beat him either. Then he died and I was left alone with the throne of Kemet."
EnsTren: "I don't get anything if they die so it doesn't matter."
Edmondia: "It matters. And there's always another game you have to play."
EnsTren: "No. I... I don't want to play anymore, Yami," *he tucked his arms around himself and looked as if some one died* "I have to grow up sometime, don't I?"
Edmondia: He leaned forward and rested a dark hand on his shoulder. "You will grow older, yes. But growing up...? That's an option, pretty love."
EnsTren: "I grew up a long time ago," *says, looking a bit listless and staring off into the distance* "Mentally and legally. I just... hung onto games... You know if I didn't have that stupid Duel monsters obsession none of the bad stuff would have happened."
EnsTren: "I'd have never entered a business deal with Pegasus and so he wouldn't have had his eyes on Kaiba Corp like he did and Mokuba wouldn't have been kidnapped, our souls wouldn't have been stolen..."
Edmondia: "...stupid?"
EnsTren: *he shrugged* "If I didn't get the brainiac idea to play chess against Gozaburo I wouldn't have been... hurt."
Edmondia: "You did what you thought was right. And love... if you ever insult them like that again, I will slap you."
EnsTren: *another shrug* "I've had worse."
Edmondia: His hands clenched into fists. "That does not give you the right to besmirch the names of those who died for our land."
EnsTren: "I was insulting my obsession for the game, not the... people in the cards or whatever. Besides, you know I don't approve of war, damnit if you want to feel sorry for people "who died for their country" I'll take you for a day trip to Hiroshima and Nagasaki"
Edmondia: "Those innocents were not my friends, dear love."
EnsTren: "This one used to be an innocent until he played a game."
Edmondia: He leaned over and kissed him. "I know..."
EnsTren: He moved out of the way, half flinching.
EnsTren: "Face it. You should only play important games if you're the bloody king of games."
Edmondia: "...I thought you loved games." There was lingering hurt in his tone.
EnsTren: "Don't know why I do. I shouldn't."
Edmondia: "I thought they made you happy."
EnsTren: "...Should they? I won, didn't I? He's dead, I have the company, even if I dropped dead right now Mokuba could still live on--if not happily then comfortably. But I still lost."
EnsTren: "Life isn't fair. Life is a game. Games aren't fair. And if I didn't play, well I might be in the orphanage, or I might have started up my own company, and... I'd be happier."
Edmondia: "...I wish I could make you happy."
EnsTren: "If I never played a game you could."
Edmondia: "But will you be able to stop?"
EnsTren: "It's too late now."
Edmondia: "Then make the most of what you can, dear love."
EnsTren: "Obviously it's not enough."
Edmondia: "For who?"
EnsTren: "Us."
Edmondia: "...it's enough for me."
EnsTren: "You, of course, recall that your very touch causes me pain, do you not?"
Edmondia: "...how could I forget?"
EnsTren: "So me feeling pain and you getting your rocks off is enough for you?" Harsh, not accusing but heavily laden painful sarcasm.
Edmondia: "I offered to never touch you again. You declined. You could kick me out of your house forever and I would still be content."
EnsTren: "...That doesn't make sense."
Edmondia: He smiled sadly. "That's what I thought you would say, pretty one."
EnsTren: "I offered to let you touch me and you declined."
Edmondia: "And...?"
EnsTren: "I still don't understand. You keep saying that you want me to feel pleasure and that you want to touch me skin to skin. And you obviously want to get off. Two out of three is considered winning."
Edmondia: "...some say sex is a game. I don't want to have sex with you."
EnsTren: "Yes you do."
Edmondia: "...I'd rather make love to you."
EnsTren: "Don't dress it up in pretty words, Yami."
Edmondia: "I wasn't. I was being honest with you. I don't just want empty sex."
EnsTren: "I'd be giving you a gift, how's that empty?"
Edmondia: "The gift should go both ways."
EnsTren: "Ever hear of lay away?"
Edmondia: "...of what?"
EnsTren: "Rain check? I.O.U.? Pay it back to me later if it's so important to you."
Edmondia: "...you're making it a game again. I don't want it to be a game."
EnsTren: "So? You like games."
Edmondia: "But it shouldn't be one. Not between us."
EnsTren: "Besides, I wasn't making it a game, I was making it business."
Edmondia: "It shouldn't be that, either!"
EnsTren: He just gave him a very strange look out of the corner of his eye. Strange because there didn't seem to be anything behind it.
Edmondia: "...do you even know why I sleep with you?"
EnsTren: "We see it as an expression of love. We both like to get off. And it's as close as we are ever going to get with our soul split like this," *that look shifts, no longer blank, black hole for pupils, but still disturbingly empty.*
Edmondia: "...you tell me my own reasons and yet I feel like I can't believe you."
EnsTren: *abruptly he turned away* "I need to make a stop at the bank."
Edmondia: "Hikari."
EnsTren: "What?"
Edmondia: "Look at me."
EnsTren: *And he turned and looked at him with that disturbing game face on, no, his negotiation face*
Edmondia: "Why are you doing this?"
EnsTren: "Why not?"
Edmondia: "Because you're hurting us both."
EnsTren: "...You eventually becomed numbed to it. Don't worry."
Edmondia: "...I can't believe you just said that to me."
EnsTren: He shrugged. And then he abruptly snapped his fingers and pulled his deck out from the holder on his belt, "Here," he held out his three prized cards.
Edmondia: He made no move to take them. "What do you think you're doing?"
EnsTren: "Giving you the cards for your deck."
Edmondia: "Those belong to you."
EnsTren: "I'm going to put them in my safety deposit box in the Bank."
EnsTren: "And since you're still playing," he shrugged again. "You asked me if I thought I could stop. Well, I'm going to make myself stop."
Edmondia: "...I see," he spat, eyes narrowed, back stiff with fury. "I understand now. I'll take my leave of you now - you obviously don't want me around anymore. That's fine. I'll leave."
EnsTren: "You're not making any sense."
Edmondia: "Aren't I? It seems perfectly obvious to me. After all, they're just cards. So why should I sit around and wait for you to do the same thing to me?"
EnsTren: An odd blink, "I'll admit to considering putting the rod in a safe, if only to keep it safe, because I can't take it everywhere with me. Besides, you're not a game, so you don't have to worry about it. Or do you think I'll lock Mokuba up just because he likes to play?"
Edmondia: His voice was icy. "I don't see why not. You do the same to everything else you claim to love."
EnsTren: "What else do I love?"
Edmondia: "You said you loved me. But all you're doing is trying to get rid of me. So why don't I make it easier for both of us and just leave?"
EnsTren: "How am I trying to get rid of you?" He looked and sounded honestly bemused.
Edmondia: "Do you even listen to yourself when you speak?!"
EnsTren: "Sometimes."
Edmondia: "You've been doing nothing but push me away all this time, Seto. You lie to my face and I'm expected to smile and accept that just because I love you."
EnsTren: Surprisingly, for his hikari only fought defensively, he lunged at him, knocking them both tumbling to the ground and furiously tangling their legs and fingers together. He was pressing against him trying to touch as much skin to skin contact as possible.
EnsTren: His Yami had pressed against his mind so much to allow him as much pleasure as he could while he touched him. Had him writhing and enjoying having his hands all over him. Now he pressed back to show him what his pain was.
Edmondia: Seth snarled, slamming his legs up and forcing Seto back. He yanked an arm free and caught his throat, flipping them over and slamming his omote on the ground. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" he spat, "Don't you know I KNOW all that already?!"
EnsTren: Seto's eyes were swimming with with a multitude of emotions and very little thought. Terror and hate and love and loathing pain and need. It was all and more tumbling over and over and mixing and so confused in those sparkling depths. And he shoved against his mind again, this time offering up a memory.
EnsTren: Hottoohot. Pain, can't breathe, tootightaroundmyneck. Sweating... I'm writing something, drawing and numbers. My hand hurts, there's someonebehindme, somehting undermychin. My backhurts, sit straighter, stiffer, don't slouch. Welts were rubbing against fabric, it hurt. What were his hands doing? What was that? It... It would kill a lot of people...
Edmondia: Seth slapped him across the face hard enough to drag them out of the memory. "Idiot," he hissed, voice a low snarl, "I've seen it in your dreams already. What are you trying to do? You can't push me away from you - I won't ever let you go no matter how hard you fight me. You are mine."
EnsTren: Recoiling physically, a voice, memory from Seto's mind, "You are mine, you filthy animal."
Edmondia: "NO!" Another slap, against the other cheek this time, turning pale alabaster to red. "NOT HIS! Not EVER! MINE!"
EnsTren: His head flew to the side, a memory of his entire body flying to the side and hitting a wall and slumping to the floor from the same sort of slap. "Low life mutt! I'll teach you to backtalk me!" Smell of cigar smoke coming closer, shirt ripped away to show his back, painPainPAIN.
Edmondia: "NO!" He slammed his mouth down on his omote's, clawing at the memory until it faded beneath the light of another memory, a soft warm evening spent tucked in blankets and cuddled up together, and soft breath against his ear and smooth hands sliding over his pajamas, and sweetheavythickpleasure.
EnsTren: Another quiet evening together, slipping between images and ages. One with him hurting him again, somtimes confusing it with Seth, another before he told him and the sick pain that came with the thickhotpleasure. Further disturbing as this one too flicked between pain givers.
EnsTren: "Mine" "I love you" "You will be my heir"
EnsTren: "I'll make you better."
Edmondia: And he pulled at the new pain, dragging his omote into his own memories, letting him stare down into his own beautiful, terrified eyes, thick lashes wide with shock and soft lips trembling from the touch of their first kiss, a dark flush coloring his cheeks, and how desperately he knew he loved him in that first sweet instant.
EnsTren: And self-loathing rolled over him mingled with fear. To show that much weakness. "If you show weakness you'll be stabbed in the back. Defeat is death. Weakness leads to defeat. That is unacceptable. Allow me to drive home the lesson." PAIN.
Edmondia: He hissed. No! Clutching him close long after midnight, watching him sleep, cradling him and whispering to him all the things he didn't want to hear in the daylight, promising him eternity and sanctity and a place among the stars, longing for him to know how much he adored him...
EnsTren: His memories teeter between fondness of tucking Mokuba into bed, checking on him in the middle of the night and hugging him tight. And it sways to pretending to be asleep while he whispered horrible things in his ear, made him wear headphones to play the messages while he slept. Or worse dragging him out of bed to see how well his heir did with sleep deprivation.
Edmondia: He countered with the desperate sweetness of his embrace that first night when he first reached for him willingly, his beautiful eyes shy beneath his lashes, and his heart had leapt into his throat when he lay his head against his chest and curled up in his embrace.
EnsTren: A wrenching sob in the world and a memory of reaching for Mokuba to have him dragged away. To only touch him to hit him so he could fool them.
Edmondia: The three of them lying together on his bed in the afternoon sunlight, lazy and contented, empty cartons of ice cream littering the ground, his light in his arms and Mokuba in Seto's.
EnsTren: He hesitated around this crystalline memory, didn't touch it, afraid of breaking it. Thinking it more fantasy than dream. He'd never be that happy, could never be that content. A flash of the virtual world, of Mokuba swayed by Noa, a recording he dug up earlier of how easily he believe he'd abandon him and walk away.
Edmondia: A flash of memory, Mokuba tossed at his feet and bouncing back up again, a wide grin on his face despite the fact that not a moment ago he'd been wearing a dress.
EnsTren: Nervousness shifting, not trusting, recalling again and again the virtual world memory. Memory of Mokuba curiously and innocently asking what his Oniisama had to go to the doctor for, not knowing all the scars that had to be removed.
Edmondia: A blazing sunset over a hellish island, a delighted "Niisama!" ringing in his ears and the sudden impact of a tiny body wrapped tightly around his own, delighted tears shining in the blue eyes that were so like his own.
EnsTren: Have to keep him safe. Must never let him know. Must lie and lie to him even though it kills inside just to keep him pure and happy and right while he's all the wrong.
Edmondia: And he really should have put him to bed, but he'd insisted on staying up while he translated the card, so he reached over and retucked his coat around him because it really was chilly on the battleship, but he kept protesting that he would be fine, and he didn't have the heart to deny him.
EnsTren: More hesitiating, drifting over the memory, the memory of Mokuba and trying very very hard to stay away from the memory of the card.
Edmondia: Picking him up to let him sleep a little longer, secretly adoring the way he wrapped his still-tiny arms around his neck even when he was still sleeping, rubbing his nose into thick raven hair and squeezing him tight against his chest, loving the way he nuzzled against his shoulder and clung to him more tightly with every step.
EnsTren: Because he needed him, but someday he wouldn't. Someday he would be too big for him to carry back to bed and tuck in. And he must stiffen and strengthen himself for that day.
Edmondia: But right now he was still small and defenseless, and he had to help him grow strong and independent and beautiful, but not right now - he had time left, and he needed to be careful not to lose it.
EnsTren: Yes, he had been so careful before and paid for it with pieces of his own soul and sanity.
Edmondia: "I'll make you better."
EnsTren: And he cringed, hearing two voices, one promising hope, the other promising to make him sucessful.
Edmondia: "I love you."
EnsTren: Two voices, beloved voices. He calmed.
Edmondia: "I love you."
EnsTren: One voice, one voice that was sweet and beloved and made him weak in the knees for diffrent reasons. One voice of one he feared and loved, hated and needed.
Edmondia: "I love you."
EnsTren: Love love love. What's love? Not sex, happiness?
EnsTren: Yes, happiness and calmness and wonderfulness.
EnsTren: Pain? Mokuba hurts sometimes, he hurt for mokuba, let himself be hurt for him, went insane for him. And Seth hurts too.
EnsTren: So maybe love is pain?
Edmondia: Smile. Pretty blue eyes glinting with laughter. Messy black hair tangled around his shoulders.
EnsTren: Laughter? So love is happiness and calmness and wonderfulness and laughter and pain. But maybe not calmness because he wasn't always calm around Seth and sometimes he panicked for Mokuba. So happiness and wonderfulness and laughter and pain.
Edmondia: Smile. Hurt smile, pretty smile, sad smile, but the smile was for him. His smile. He made him smile.
EnsTren: Shouldn't smile for him. Nono. Hurt him and failed him. Even when fighting the right fight in the right way he still lost and Yugi and Atemu had to save him... failure.
Edmondia: Smile. Warm arms tightightight around him. "I love you, niisama!"
EnsTren: Love was love and pain and wonderful laughter and happiness and failure.
Edmondia: Dark blue eyes staring into his own. So hungry. Anticipation curling in his stomach.
EnsTren: And touch made something else curl in his stomach and creep up bitterly to the back of his throat so he had to swallow it back down. Pain. Love.
Edmondia: "I love you."
EnsTren: "Why?"
Edmondia: "Because I do."
EnsTren: "You're angry at me. You hit me."
Edmondia: "Yes."
EnsTren: "I hurt... that's love. I lied. That's love too."
Edmondia: "Yes."
EnsTren: "Love is pain and lies. And Games are not fair and pain."
Edmondia: "Love is pleasure and truth."
EnsTren: He shook his head, "Pain and lies."
Edmondia: "You can't ignore the beauty for the pain."
EnsTren: A blink of not understanding.
Edmondia: He leaned close, so close, close enough to hold and touch and kiss, close enough that red-streaked bangs brushed against his cheek. "The pleasure is what makes the pain worth standing - and the joy is worth every sorrow."
EnsTren: "Winning is pleasure--and losing."
Edmondia: "My love is not a game."
EnsTren: "Then pleasure is pain."
Edmondia: "It doesn't have to be."
EnsTren: "You hurt me, you hit me, you bite and touch me. You love me. Love is pain, pleasure is incidental."
Edmondia: "You hurt me, you make me cry, you shove and fight me. You love me. Love is pain and pleasure in equal measure."
EnsTren: "Then it is nothing."
Edmondia: "Why do you delight in causing me pain?"
EnsTren: "I can only do that and make money."
Edmondia: "Why do you fight me?"
EnsTren: "To win."
Edmondia: "What is the prize for your victory?"
EnsTren: "If I win I lose, it's always that way with big things. And defeat is death."
EnsTren: "Is love death?"
Edmondia: "Love is life."
EnsTren: "I love you, you're dead."
Edmondia: "I love you, you brought me back."
EnsTren: "Love is pain and lies and death, which is wonderful and happy," and he recalls the thrill he gets from risking his life.
Edmondia: "Love is laughter and passion and life, which is precious and fragile."
EnsTren: "I'm not fragile. I'm dead inside. I don't barely laugh."
Edmondia: "Yet I have seen you shatter, and I have drunk in your life, and I have heard you laugh."
EnsTren: "I'm pain."
Edmondia: "You are my life."
EnsTren: "Why do you hurt me?"
Edmondia: "Why do you hurt me?"
EnsTren: "Because you hurt me. And I offer you pleasure and you don't take it."
EnsTren: "You love me and don't want pleasure and hurt me and I hurt you so love is pain. And I am pain. So you love me. But I already knew that."
Edmondia: "I do not love you because you are pain. I do not take pleasure because it would cause you pain."
EnsTren: "You hurt me anyways."
Edmondia: "As do you."
EnsTren: He shifted and a bruised face marked with drying tears tilted up, "Hurt me."
Edmondia: "I would rather give you pleasure."
EnsTren: "Love is pain. So give me pain so I can give you pleasure."
Edmondia: "...no."
EnsTren: "Yes."
EnsTren: "Because I hurt you. And you said that Love is pain and pleasure in equal parts so let me hurt and you feel pleasure and that will be love."
Edmondia: "No."
EnsTren: "Why not?"
EnsTren: "It's nothing, I can stand it."
Edmondia: "Because love is sacrifice."
EnsTren: "I'm trying to sacrifice myself for you, aren't I?"
Edmondia: "And aren't I doing the same for you?"
EnsTren: "Maybe. I'm trying to give you a gift though. And you keep turning it down."
Edmondia: "I want to share."
EnsTren: "So we can take turns."
Edmondia: "But you hurt."
EnsTren: "I always do. So what's a little bit more?"
Edmondia: "Not fair to you."
EnsTren: "Life's not fair. Neither are games."
Edmondia: "I want to be fair to you."
EnsTren: "Nothing is fair to me, so you'd just be wasting time and effort."
Edmondia: "Nothing about you is a waste of my time, and nothing done for you is a wasted effort."
EnsTren: "You love me so that's why you're lying."
Edmondia: "I love you so that's why I'm telling the truth."
EnsTren: "That's a lie too. You lie to people you love to protect them and make them feel good."
Edmondia: "You tell the truth to people you love because they deserve to know your whole heart."
EnsTren: "You lie to them to protect them from yourself."
Edmondia: "You tell the truth because they must know who you are."
EnsTren: "You lie to them so they'll not stop loving you."
Edmondia: "You tell them the truth because loving them is worth it."
EnsTren: "You lie to them so they won't pull away."
Edmondia: "You tell them the truth even if they will."
EnsTren: "Then you are alone."
Edmondia: "But for them, it is worth it."
EnsTren: "But unless you lie you won't have them."
Edmondia: "But if they love you, they won't desert you."
EnsTren: "They only love you for the lies covering the dirt and scum and bad bits."
Edmondia: "They love you despite it."
EnsTren: "That is a lie to make me feel happy and wonderful so I am in love."
Edmondia: "That is the truth because you deserve it because I love you."
EnsTren: "I don't get what I deserve, I don't get what I want. Life's not fair and neither are games."
Edmondia: "You don't want me?"
EnsTren: "I have myself, therefore I have you."
EnsTren: "I'm not a slave anymore, so therefore want doesn't enter into it. It is. We are."
Edmondia: "I can leave you if you do not desire me."
EnsTren: "I need you."
Edmondia: "You said before that you were fine without me."
EnsTren: "I'm better with you."
Edmondia: "Is that why you stay?"
EnsTren: "Yes."
Edmondia: "...do you love me?"
EnsTren: "Yes."
Edmondia: "...then I will stay."
EnsTren: "But won't take pleasure from me."
Edmondia: "Not unless I can return it to you."
EnsTren: "You keep saying you will make me better, so you will be able to, someday."
Edmondia: "I could be lying."
EnsTren: "A lie is no good if you can't make it seem true."
Edmondia: "Do you think I'm lying?"
EnsTren: "I don't know."
Edmondia: "That hurts me."
EnsTren: "Love is pain."
Edmondia: "It doesn't have to be."
EnsTren: "I don't see how."
Edmondia: "It doesn't hurt when you smile - for real."
EnsTren: "If everything is pain you go crazy, like I did. But then... love drives you mad, so they say."
Edmondia: "But everything isn't pain. And I'm already crazy."
EnsTren: "I don't understand you."
Edmondia: "What don't you understand?"
EnsTren: "You. How you can say pretty lies and make me want to believe even though I know better."
Edmondia: "Because I don't lie to you."
EnsTren: "You don't love me?"
Edmondia: "I love you."
Edmondia: "Do I confuse you, pretty light?"
EnsTren: "Yes."
Edmondia: "I don't mean to."
Edmondia: "But I don't want to lie to you."
EnsTren: "Love's confusion too, then?"
Edmondia: "It seems to be."
Edmondia: "But love is understanding as well."
EnsTren: "Then how is it not nothing?"
Edmondia: "Because it is everything."
EnsTren: "Can't be."
Edmondia: "Why not?"
EnsTren: "How can it be hate and fear?"
Edmondia: "You hate me and you fear me and you love me."
EnsTren: "I didn't love him and I hated him."
Edmondia: "To those you love, that love is everything."
EnsTren: "Even lies and pain?"
Edmondia: "You lie to me and hurt me."
EnsTren: "But you were happier when I was lying."
Edmondia: "But I want you to tell me the truth."
EnsTren: "I wanted you to be happy. You were happy. When I was lying you were happy and I was somewhat happy and you weren't being hurt. Only me. And I can take being hurt. And Mokuba wasn't upset when I was hurt either. It was better before."
Edmondia: "But I need to know where it hurts before I can heal you."
EnsTren: "I don't need to be healed."
Edmondia: "You don't want my touch to stop hurting?"
EnsTren: "I can live with being a spirtual cripple and I can live with the pain. What I want shouldn't even enter into it except for what I want for you."
Edmondia: "But all I care about is what you want."
EnsTren: "Then I want for the Love to be my pain and your pleasure."
Edmondia: "You don't want pleasure?"
Edmondia: "You liked it when I let you share my own - I know you liked it then. Don't you want that again?"
EnsTren: "It's better for you when I don't have pleasure."
EnsTren: "I'd let you take off the condom if you wanted to."
Edmondia: "It's better for you when I share, and it's better for you with it."
Edmondia: "You are all that matters to me."
EnsTren: "I don't matter except for how I can protect you and Mokuba."
Edmondia: "How dare you say that to me."
EnsTren: He tightened up and flinched, one cheek livid the other heading there, curling his arms up to his chest on the verge of raising his hands protectively.
Edmondia: "...it hurts me when you talk about yourself like that."
EnsTren: He only shivered under him in response, still tense but controlling himself, not cowering or covering his head. But not because he knew Seth wouldn't hurt him, but because of his lessons as a child.
Edmondia: He leaned forward again, noses nearly brushing. "Please don't talk about yourself that way, my light."
EnsTren: He flinched at the closeness, curled arms pressed to his chest by his Yami leaning so close. So close he could hear the whimper that his hikari held back.
Edmondia: He sighed, breath soft against his skin. "Precious little light..." He reached forward with his mind, gently ensnaring his senses again, linking them with his own, focusing on the softness and heat of contact.
EnsTren: His hikari even mentally cowered away from him, afraid, perhaps, that after his mental assult that his yami would do the same thing he did to his face. Not in retribution of course, no oh no. But to teach him, to make him do something? Yes.
Edmondia: He closed his eyes and let his head fall against the curve of his neck. "I wish you would trust me..."
EnsTren: His muscles tensed as if to give in and shudder and suddenly he was limp under him, relaxed passive. His mind didn't open up though, his hikari built too many strong walls more to keep himself together than to keep others out, but they were still rather effective.
EnsTren: But it was perciveable how he tried to relax his mind for him in the same way. Tried to bring them down as much as he could.
EnsTren: But there was no sense of trust in these acts, only love, floating and flooding his heart and mind, trying to give him what he wants, because he wants it.
Edmondia: I love you, he whispers, and cries.
EnsTren: He swirls inside with confusion and vaguely distressed. I love you, replied, can't you see? Aren't I doing enough?
EnsTren: Drawing the conclusion from the data he had he "realized" that he wasn't open enough for it to be an act of trust for his Yami.
EnsTren: He loved his Yami.
EnsTren: And so he turned his considerable will and destructive tendancies onto himself, onto his own mind for his Yami's sake, trying to tear down the walls and threads that kept him him sane and together.
EnsTren: For him. Because he loved him.
Edmondia: He shuddered. What are you...?
EnsTren: For you For you, he sounded almost triumphant as he lashed out at his own psyche with self loathing and hatred and fear. Despite putting himself back together, sewing himself with threads of sheer will power he still didn't know himself.
EnsTren: He'd kill himself for his Yami, he went insane for lack of him and was willing to do it again.
Edmondia: Pretty light, precious light, stop! You're hurting yourself, pretty light!
EnsTren: For you for you for you. Pretty precious light, his love and confusion and for all his genius sheer not knowing swirling around in a tumultous storm.
EnsTren: And attacking himself, For you!
Edmondia: No! Stop it!
Edmondia: Don't want it this way - not like this! Not like this!
EnsTren: His hikari didn't understand, kept ripping at himself with claws very much like their beloved dragons, but dark, not the bright white light it should have been, and soaked with blood.
Edmondia: NO!
EnsTren: In Seto's duel against Yami the Blue Eyes destroyed itself for Yami. So now his Blue Eyes, precious hikari, tried to destroy himself for him. Funny how history repeats itself.
Edmondia: He hates history.
EnsTren: He hates fate.
Edmondia: He hates destiny.
Edmondia: But he loves his hikari.
EnsTren: His hikari defied fate, defied destiny, and denied history.
Edmondia: He loves his hikari.
EnsTren: His hikari is hurting himself, turned his great dragon heart against itself, for him. For destiny and fate and history.
Edmondia: So he presses against his mind, calls to him, pulls at him, tries to coax him away, tries to entice and lure and summon, tries to seduce him back to sanity.
EnsTren: And he stops, all at once he stops and for a moment he's afraid that he shattered his own soul, or heart, or mind, or perhaps he's dead. But no, his hikari stopped for him, for his voice and dutifully came back to him.
EnsTren: His mind... not in complete ruin, for his barriers were great that even he, the one who put them up, could not easily take them down.
EnsTren: But grieviously hurt, wounded, and not everything was new.
Edmondia: So he slipped inside and healed what he could, brightening fond memories and casting the pain away, gently rebuilding what had been lost, coating everything in a deep layer of his love.
EnsTren: He still couldn't get every place, for even after this fit his hikari had so many walls up, and many places, gaping wounds, would not accept love to cover it up or sucked it all in like a bottomless pit.
Edmondia: But he patched what he could, and left lingering whispers of adoration in the dark places where they wouldn't fade away.
EnsTren: His hikari was passive and crying, sobbing, and occasionaly reaching out as if to tug away at a crumbling wall or shadow so his Yami could get deeper. But his yami didn't want to, didn't want the gift he wanted to give, so he didn't hurt himself anymore.
Edmondia: And when he was done, he reached for him and drew him tight against him.
EnsTren: And his hikari cried against him, but only a little, trying to be quiet for him.
Edmondia: And he cradled him and soothed him and kissed away his tears.
EnsTren: And his hikari stopped crying after a bit, but didn't know if he stopped because he didn't want to upset his yami, (and he didn't) or if he didn't have any more tears.
Edmondia: And when his yami kissed him, he could taste the salt on his lips.
EnsTren: He couldn't kiss back though, one side of his face was quite livid and it hurt to move his jaw at all.
EnsTren: /Why don't you want my gift?/
Edmondia: //Because it hurts you.//
Edmondia: He raised one hand to his jaw and sighed regretfully, murmuring an apology against his lips, letting a warm tingle of magic soothe the hurt.
EnsTren: And he had a sudden image of Seto, not as he is, but as he was, a small child like in Mokuba's locket. And he was standing there and holding out a piece of gory flesh, a wide hole in his chest and no heart, because he had ripped it out for him. Why won't you take my present? The child asked as his eyes glazed over with death.
EnsTren: It's what you want. He could feel Seto be unsettled under him, wanting to protest being healed, perhaps to say he didn't deserve it. But he remained quiet to please him. Isn't it?
Edmondia: Not like this, he whispered in return, letting the magic leak from his fingers as he finished the spell. He tilted his head, taking in a short breath before kissing him again. Not like this.
EnsTren: I love you though, the child said as the teen looked up at his face. And you love me. He touched his face gently, probing where the bruise was with his fingers. So here, you can have my heart. Pretty blue eyes look up at him, a little spark of wonder. Just take care of Mokuba, even if you throw it away.
Edmondia: I won't throw it away, he whispered, pressing his lips to his forehead, I'll keep you alive forever. So you can be with me.
EnsTren: That's nice, but I'm already dead.
Edmondia: Then I will bring you back.
Edmondia: Because you belong to me.
Edmondia: Because I love you.
EnsTren: I hope so. Take care of my body for me, okay? I put my heart in there to wait for you to finally come.
Edmondia: I'm here now.
EnsTren: I don't know if I can come back though, all I could save was my heart.
Edmondia: You can come back.
EnsTren: Maybe.
Edmondia: You will come back.
EnsTren: I hope so. My heart's hidden and he's a good guardian, and he guards it from even himself.
EnsTren: Maybe if you can ever find it I will come back.
Edmondia: I can, and you will. Because I want all of you - and I will have you for my own. All of you - forever.
EnsTren: That sounds nice. I'm sorry for leaving you with him, but I couldn't survive any longer, I hope you forgive me.
Edmondia: I forgive you.
EnsTren: Thank you.
Edmondia: You don't have to thank me.
EnsTren: They say Pandora opened her box and let all the ills and good of the world escape and then snapped it shut, trapping Hope inside. That is why the ills and good of man wax and wane while hope springs eternal. I'm afraid it went backwards this time, but maybe you two can do what Pandora could not.
EnsTren: One can certainly hope, even if that's all they can do.
Edmondia: Hope, and love.
EnsTren: Oh no, Love is still in there, wrapped around you and him and Mokuba, and Trust doesn't come out often without me.
EnsTren: But they are both there. Never doubt his love, because it is one of the few things he really has and will lead you to my heart so I can be whole again.
Edmondia: Thank you.
EnsTren: You don't need to thank me.
EnsTren: Goodbye, Seth, may we meet again.
Edmondia: Goodbye.
EnsTren: There was no answer, only the massive sunlight from his hikari's soul. His heart of hope.
Edmondia: And when he opened his eyes, his hikari was staring at him, no blemish marring his cheeks, no anger lighting his eyes.
Edmondia: He leaned forward and kissed him.
EnsTren: And for a short instant he was sure his hikari felt the comforting darkness wrap around him and keep him safe, just before the pain started to rise.