EnsTren: Mokuba blew like... part of his pay check to
have a hole dug in the back yard, and bags of special
dirt delivered
EnsTren: and he filled it up, and turned the hose on it
EnsTren: put on goggles, convinced Seth to dress down
and use swim shorts and let him in on the plan
EnsTren: gave him goggles too
EnsTren: went to see Seto, smiled at him, and threw a
mud ball at him, and goggles then ran
EnsTren: Seth dumped a bucket of
it on his head as soon as he came out side (smart boi
took off his coat)
EnsTren: and they had a mud fight
EnsTren: Seto squealed like a girl a few times I think
EnsTren: and then they cleaned off running though the
house, mud spattered, and armed with super soakers
EnsTren: I'm thinking about throwing the Yugi-tachi in
EnsTren: but am not sure
Edmondia: dunno if Seto's ready to let them run pell-mell
through his mansion yet
EnsTren: waiting outside front door armed with super
soakers
EnsTren: Jou and Yugi at least
EnsTren: aaaand Jou's being a pervert
EnsTren: wanted Anzu to come and play too
Edmondia: Seth just glomped him O_o
EnsTren: prolly cause he told Seth what's going on in his
hikari's soul room
Edmondia: Seto's twitching rather spastically
Edmondia: Jou's expression is... something like... O.<
Edmondia: Seth's all n.n
EnsTren: aaand now Seto going off to sulk
Edmondia: And Seth goes all Pegasquee
Edmondia: "OHNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
EnsTren: And Seto is gone someplace else in the house
hugging his plushie and sadness
Edmondia: until he's glomped by Seth
EnsTren: And then he is still sad sulky and hugging his
plushie and glomped
Edmondia: And Seth's all cuddly and snuggling and
mumbling "I love you" a lot
EnsTren: and Seto continues to be gloom and doomy
Edmondia: and Seth is all cute and snuggling, then drops to
his knees in front of Seto and apologizes over his shoes
EnsTren: "Go back to the dog."
Edmondia: "Setoooooooooooooooooooooooo..."
EnsTren: He crossed his arms over his chest, protecting
the plushie Blue Eyes there and looked resolutely away.
Edmondia: "Are you mad at me 'cause I hugged him, pretty
light?"
EnsTren: "You didn't hug him. You glomped him."
Edmondia: "Is that bad?"
EnsTren: He stared at the wall and then his eyes
lowered to the floor. "He's probably a better hikari than
me anyways," he muttered. "He's with Yugi."
Edmondia: Seth rocked back on his heels, raking his hand
through his hair. "He is not."
EnsTren: "I bet he would be. He never sold his soul."
Edmondia: "He's not you."
EnsTren: "So? He'd be a better hikari. He's already in
Yugi's stupid group and he actually wants a yami and
he's not fucked up."
Edmondia: He fell back as though he'd been shot, eyes wide
and uncertain before narrowing in sudden fury.
EnsTren: "I hit you in the head, I bet he wouldn't." Seto
continued on, oblivious.
EnsTren: "He'd treat you better."
EnsTren: "He wouldn't drag you down and act worse
than a mood swinging pregnant woman."
EnsTren: "He wouldn't... he'd like it when you were with
Atemu, because he's with Yugi the same way."
Edmondia: "I don't care." His voice was ice, and the look in
his eyes was the same.
EnsTren: Seto suddenly turned his head to look at him,
a confused expression on his face, partially asking
"What's your problem?" without saying anything at all.
EnsTren: "You should."
Edmondia: Seth glared at him.
Edmondia: "Might I ask, my dear, dear omote, why you are
trying so hard to be rid of me?"
EnsTren: "Because it would be better for you."
Edmondia: Seth rose to his feet and stalked towards his
omote, eyes dark and slitted.
EnsTren: Seto lifted his eyes again to him slowly, a sad
sad expression on his face. Then his eyes widened and
his face paled, his already tight grip on his plush was almost
convulsive suddenly as he shrank back from the
frightening sight.
Edmondia: Seth stalked after him, still snarling.
EnsTren: And he backed away, shivering and plain
terrified of him as soon as he hit the wall--no way to
escape.
Edmondia: Seth drew closer, raising his arms to pin him in
place, leaning in close, too close, a dark smile lifting the corners
of his lips.
Edmondia: "Hikari..." the word was a sultry purr and a
threatening invitation all at once.
EnsTren: His eyes seemed only to be white and black,
his pupils were so large. He was trembling and warm
and smelling beautifully of light and dark and fear.
Edmondia: You are mine. And I will never leave you no
matter how much you plead and scream for me to go.
Edmondia: He slid closer, and lifted his fingers lightly to his
jawline, stroking his thumb along his neck.
EnsTren: He shivered and cringed, turning so his cheek
was pressed against the cool wall. Frightened hikari, he
could feel his heartbeat, he was like a little bird held in his
hand--it seemed he would break or shake himself apart.
Edmondia: Pretty little light... I'll never let you go.
EnsTren: Even if it kills him?
Edmondia: Mine, he hissed, and it was a threat and a promise
all in one.
EnsTren: Even if he gives his pretty, pretty, bird-like
hikari a heart attack?
Edmondia: He pressed a soft kiss to his trembling lips. Think
on that before you speak such foolishness again, sweet light.
EnsTren: His hikari did not respond physically, too
trained and frightened to do so. But he could feel the
heat show up briefly in their link before it was repressed.
Edmondia: He bit down gently on yielding flesh. You can't
get rid of me, sweet love. No matter how hard you try.
EnsTren: His hikari never said no.
Edmondia: He drew back, peering curiously into his eyes.
Well, sweet light? What do you have to say to your unwanted
darkness?
EnsTren: Yes.
EnsTren: Because he never said no.
Edmondia: Yes what?
EnsTren: To everything.
Edmondia: He licked his mouth and let his hands fall to
encircle his waist. Do I scare you, pretty light?
EnsTren: Yes.
EnsTren: Pretty blue eyes were tightly closed and
shielded from his view.
Edmondia: I love you.
EnsTren: ...So?
EnsTren: He knows a hard lesson, that the others do
not. It's nice to hear those words, it makes things better.
But friendship and love and I'm sorrys don't make it all
better. Don't make the bad part not there no matter how
much you wish it.
Edmondia: Do you truthfully not wish me to be with you?
EnsTren: You'd be better off with someone else.
Edmondia: Is that a yes or a no?
EnsTren: Very small quiet voice, like a little mouse, I
want you...
Edmondia: You have me. Now you need to keep me.
EnsTren: Seto sort of crumpled then, despair in his
mind. He wasn't doing a good job and his yami was
going to leave him and that would be good because his
yami would be free and happy but not his yami any
more.
EnsTren: And he was a horrible horrible hikari and he
should just lock himself up in a vault somewhere and
work and invent until he dies so he'd never hurt anyone
everever again.
Edmondia: "Seto."
EnsTren: He didn't hear, only continued on his dark
swirling whirlpool. It really is amazing how many ways
and reasons a genius can come up with to hate
themselves when they put their minds to it.
Edmondia: "Ankh."
EnsTren: Death. He kills people and left Mokuba in the
Death simulation and tried to kill Yugi and his friends.
Edmondia: Seth growled audibly. Beloved. Look at me.
EnsTren: He obeyed. His hikari always obeyed like an
automaton when like this.
Edmondia: May I touch you?
EnsTren: You always do.
EnsTren: It was a statement of fact, but it was hard to
tell if the flat words were chosen to hurt or not.
Edmondia: Do you mind that I always want to touch you?
EnsTren: You don't.
Edmondia: I don't always want to touch you?
EnsTren: Sometimes you want to touch Yugi and
Atemu and now Dog. Sometimes you touch Mokuba
with me. We hug and are happy then.
EnsTren: You want to touch them because they
aren't twisted like me.
Edmondia: ...you think I touch them the way I touch you?
EnsTren: You want to touch the Pharaoh that way.
You can if you want. I won't stop you.
Edmondia: Will you forever hold that against me?
EnsTren: I don't hold it against you. He can't. He will forgive anything of those in
his heart. And nothing and no one else. Which is why
he cannot forgive himself.
Edmondia: I will not touch him. I want to save that for you.
EnsTren: You can, I promise not to get mad or
jealous. I keep my promises.
Edmondia: Then promise me you will never doubt that I will
be with you forever.
EnsTren: I want you to be with someone better.
Edmondia: I want to be with the one person in this world
who was made for me.
EnsTren: But he is broken and twisted and shattered
and glued together.
Edmondia: He is still mine. I still want you. I will always want you.
EnsTren: You should get a replacement. I'm a faulty
model.
Edmondia: You are the only one that exists. Do you resent that I find you beautiful?
EnsTren: I'm not beautiful.
Edmondia: But you are.
EnsTren: I'm not.
EnsTren: I'm plain outside and dirty inside.
Edmondia: You're lovely and breathtaking everywhere.
EnsTren: Like a broken mirror.
Edmondia: Why do you try and push me away?
EnsTren: I don't want my shards to cut you.
Edmondia: But I do.
EnsTren: You won't cut me back.
Edmondia: I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you save yourself.
EnsTren: I'm beyond that.
Edmondia: I'm very selfish, dear love. I won't believe that.
EnsTren: Go back to the Dog and Yugi and his yami.
Go and be happy.
Edmondia: I am happiest with you.
EnsTren: Go be with them and be less happy and
hurting less.
Edmondia: I want you.
EnsTren: You want what I could have been. You want what I was. You want what I am not and can never be
again.
Edmondia: I want you.
EnsTren: Only because you cannot see what you
should have had. Only because you don't hurt when we
touch. All you feel is goodness and light and right
and perfection while I feel wrong and pain and
firecolddarkness.
Edmondia: And yet you still want me.
EnsTren: I want you to have the better more than I
am selfish.
Edmondia: I am equally selfish, and I want you.
EnsTren: Go away and be happy with them.
Edmondia: You said you loved me.
EnsTren: So I'm pushing you towards what is for the
best.
Edmondia: You are what is best.
EnsTren: You are blind.
Edmondia: I am selfish, and I want you.
EnsTren: Blind. Callous. You cannot perceive how
shattered I am.
Edmondia: Is it truly so hard to believe that I want to be with
you?
EnsTren: No, because you don't know that there is
better. I find it hard to believe that you can't see
that.
Edmondia: What if I don't care?
EnsTren: Then how can you love me? If you do not
care for the pain caused.
Edmondia: I love you because I do. I don't care how much it
hurts. I'm selfish. I want you. I'll keep you no matter how
much you push me away.
EnsTren: Even though you torture my soul...?
Edmondia: Do I? Or do you torture yourself?
EnsTren: He shoved him away violently, eyes flashing
blue fire. "Do you mean to imply that when you embrace
me I am the one that tortures myself with the distinct
feeling of commiting seppuku?!"
Edmondia: He dragged him back with a snarl. "You can't say
you've never thought of it, sweet light, now can you?"
EnsTren: "Perhaps I should just end the torture I inflict
upon both of use and do it to my body and not my
soul?!"
Edmondia: "I won't let you!"
EnsTren: "You can't stop me, not if I put my mind to it."
Edmondia: "I can. It would be vastly unpleasant, but I can.
And I will if you even dare to try."
EnsTren: "I should have before Malik ever tripped."
Edmondia: "Do you hate me that much?"
EnsTren: "I never had pain this bad before you."
EnsTren: "I could have survived to my death. I
wouldn't have been happy, and I wouldn't have enjoyed
it. I would have been rickety and my soul ready to fall in
on itself."
Edmondia: "I never wanted that. Why don't you believe what
I say?"
EnsTren: "Belief has nothing to do with reality."
Edmondia: "Do you want me to stay or do you want me to
go?"
EnsTren: "Go."
Edmondia: He staggered at that, choking briefly on the tears
that rose to his eyes.
EnsTren: You'll be happier.
Edmondia: I will die without you.
EnsTren: "Then come back when you need a recharge
or whatever. Besides I can't block your own soul room
to you, and it's right across from mine."
Edmondia: "Why do you hate me?"
EnsTren: "If I hated you I'd keep you all to myself and
never ever touch you."
EnsTren: He had planned for this, though he didn't think
it would happen like this. He thought his Yami would get
fed up and leave him, hoped for it in a way. So he had
banned him from a wing of a mansion. No memories
there, he could move in today.
Edmondia: "...don't you want me?" It was a child's voice, tiny
and uncertain, and the tears began to spill down his cheeks
unchecked and unheeded.
EnsTren: It reminded him too much of Mokuba.
EnsTren: "You should have the best and I'm not it."
Edmondia: "...you don't want me?" he whimpered, "You... you
don't..."
EnsTren: "Want you to have to deal with a hikari that
will never be a hikari."
Edmondia: He let out a soft, pained cry, lurching forward and
falling to his knees, arms lifting to hug himself instinctively.
"But... but... you don't want me..."
EnsTren: "I want what is best," for you, "And that does
not seem to include you and I. Mokuba will miss you."
Edmondia: His yami screamed.
EnsTren: He staggered back, covering his ears with
both hands and a plushtoy.
Edmondia: "STOP IT! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!" he
shrieked, burying his face in his shaking hands, sobbing thickly.
EnsTren: He stayed away, did not venture closer. The
stitches were coming undone, the invisible cracks were
widening and his happy memories could not keep away
the voice that told him so, that screamed with Seth when he
had the urge to step forward.
Edmondia: He was wailing now, rocking himself like a child,
shaking his head frantically. "Nonononononono!"
EnsTren: Seto held himself together, pulled his soul
tight, binding it up and locking it down and together.
Locking his soul room door. And his light... seemed to
go out.
EnsTren: He couldn't afford to care, about anyone.
Edmondia: His yami screamed again, the sound high-pitched
and broken, and crumpled to the floor.
EnsTren: Seto winced.
EnsTren: And Seto was surprised when he saw the
floor rushing up to meet him right before darkness
greeted him.
Edmondia: (we just knocked both of them out. o.o)
EnsTren: (yeah, and Seto's nearly regressed back to a
preAtemu state)
Edmondia: (...well crap. 'cause Seth's pretty much regressed
to a ten-year-old boy)
EnsTren: (so get Seto to regress more and meet them
up there)
Edmondia: so now that they've regressed, what do we do
with them?
EnsTren: kick them into their soul corridors?
Edmondia: beat them severely *EG*
EnsTren: well it's mostly Seto's fault, but Seth was
pushing him
EnsTren: and Seto usually goes with what Seth pushes
EnsTren: and he was frightening him too
Edmondia: damn those aggressive tendencies *eyes Seth
evilly*
EnsTren: what are you plotting?
Edmondia: other than throwing a chair at his head?
Edmondia: v. amusing mental image of Mahaado smacking
him upside the head
Edmondia: "I TOLD you you scared people, but did you
listen to me? Noooooooo, nobody ever listens to Mahaado!"
Edmondia: at any rate, was considering the fact that
regressed-Seth has violent tendencies and trusts no one
Edmondia: oh, right, Mahaado
Edmondia: 'cause no way pharaohboi's taking Seth home with
him
Edmondia: but he also knows Seth really can't be trusted in
that state
Edmondia: so he leaves Mahaado to watch over him
EnsTren: summons a monster?
Edmondia: someone Seth trusts
EnsTren: and Seto?
Edmondia: Seto's physically attached to Mokuba
Edmondia: and more than a little taken aback by the presence
of his uninvited guest
EnsTren: and he's not dangerous like he was when
Atemu got to him
EnsTren: just... very very cold, but Mokuba can thaw
him eventually
Edmondia: interactions between the four of them... will be
very, very stilted, if they happen at all
Edmondia: ...and now that I think of it, Mahaado could help
Seto out a bit
EnsTren: Seto: *locks self in office*
Edmondia: Seth is going to be... extremely dangerous
Edmondia: and not quite rational
EnsTren: in what ways?
Edmondia: very, very childish
Edmondia: given to sulking fits... but mostly... not-good
things
Edmondia: a little too insane, a little too violent
Edmondia: a little too ready to lash out at anyone who comes
too close
EnsTren: Seto and shorter than him Mokuba?
Edmondia: those are allowed
Edmondia: he's very sweet to the ones he trusts
Edmondia: but he's treating Seto extremely delicately
Edmondia: afraid to touch him because he might break
EnsTren: and Seto being as an ice statue, unmoved, un
noticing
Edmondia: there's this huge gulf between them and they both
have to get back to normal before they start reaching for each
other
EnsTren: he just breaks and breaks and falls and brings
Seth with him
EnsTren: but really, Seth shouldn't push him so much
EnsTren: I acknowledge it is Seto's fault, but *shrugs*
EnsTren: he'd had been pushed and frightened and
cornered like this again and again
Edmondia: you know that and I know that, but Seth is not
only not the world's most patient fellow, but he's also very
violent and accustomed to getting what he wants
EnsTren: and Seth had just been hugging Jou. JOU of
all people
EnsTren: so what's he going to do to Seto?
Edmondia: *sigh* they're not the most stable people to work
with
EnsTren: yes, but when he doesn't get what he wants,
Seto running into his arms and snogging and spreading his
legs and whatnot
Edmondia: he has problems dealing with that
EnsTren: reaction?
EnsTren: weird thought
Edmondia: I think he expects Seto to - hm?
EnsTren: Seto's soul room is kinda... disconnected
EnsTren: so when they do touch... Seto feels no pain
EnsTren: but no pleasure either
EnsTren: it's just an indiffrent touch
Edmondia: and that's even worse
Edmondia: Seth seems to expect Seto to constantly yield to
him
EnsTren: and he does
EnsTren: but then he couldn't take it anymore
Edmondia: and they snapped
EnsTren: not "stay" but "go"
Edmondia: oh, and Seth's gonna wind up sobbing all over
Seto's shoes again
Edmondia: apologizing for his behavior
EnsTren: but is he doing it to get him back or because
he realizes he hasn't been perceiving Seto with a will of his
own, laying back and giving in because of his own choice
Edmondia: it's... a bit of both
Edmondia: mostly the second...
Edmondia: and just a lot of...
Edmondia: very slurred wailing
Edmondia: "I'm sorry I can't let you go"
Edmondia: "I'm sorry I can't make you happy"
Edmondia: "I'm sorry I can't give you what you need"
Edmondia: "I'm sorry I keep hurting you"
Edmondia: "I'm sorry but I can't stand to leave you"
Edmondia: "I'm sorry I treat you so badly"
Edmondia: all that and more in a big slurred wail
EnsTren: but would Seto feel anything by that point?
EnsTren: or crush him further?
Edmondia: it would take him a while to get to that point... but
I think the apology would help, at least a little
EnsTren: I think that's telling though. The only reason
why Seth is able to take care of Seto is because Seto lets
him
Edmondia: and... the yami is more dependant on the omote
than vice-versa
Edmondia: at least in my observation
EnsTren: in the others or in this one?
EnsTren: or all of them?
Edmondia: in the show itself
Edmondia: you've got Yami no Bakura declaring that he needs
Ryou
Edmondia: you've got Yami no Yugi losing his friggin' mind
when Yugi is stolen away
EnsTren: I'm looking at Seto, and I see a steel beam,
and the song simple gifts is going though my head
EnsTren: tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift to be free, tis a
gift to come down where we ought to be, and when true
simplity is gained to bow and to bend we shant be
ashamed
EnsTren: and this steel Seto beam is bending and
twisting and you can see how fucked up he is, but
yielding to the wind of Seth's words, letting them pass
EnsTren: Seto was a doll for him
EnsTren: a game for him, enough resistance to be fun,
but in the end folding to his every whim
EnsTren: despite the hellish fits
EnsTren: but that was just when Seth dropped the toy
and it became a bit mangled until he managed to fix it.
EnsTren: or when he hit a very hard part of the puzzle
and he had to stand though the fit and soothe it out to get
to the next level
EnsTren: And if you were good at a puzzle you always
won.
EnsTren: Seto always said yes, no matter what, in the
end
EnsTren: he even got to tie him up and put foreign
objects into him
EnsTren: and then he said "Go."
Edmondia: and he panicked
Edmondia: because, at least partly, he didn't think he was
doing anything wrong
Edmondia: partially because he simply doesn't understand...
what normal relationships are like
EnsTren: like not frightening your partner
Edmondia: but it's the only way he knows how to deal with
people
Edmondia: so he's very confused
EnsTren: has Atemu or anyone realized what Seth has
been doing?
Edmondia: I think... maybe Yugi and Atemu have their
suspicions
Edmondia: Yugi moreso than his yami
Edmondia: it does make sense
Edmondia: Atemu's as equally screwed up in the head as Seth
is
EnsTren: he has a semi healthy relationship
Edmondia: same amount of 'normal' interaction
EnsTren: but what does Yugi suspect?
Edmondia: that Seth is unconsciously putting a lot of strain on
his omote
EnsTren: asking him things, wanting things from him
EnsTren: too eager to touch him even though he knows,
knows, that it hurts Seto
Edmondia: might give him something to talk to Seto about
EnsTren: He shrugged, "I'm fine, he's happy, Mokuba
loves him."
Edmondia: "Then tell me why Mahaado's in your house and
why my yami is so worried about his cousin."
EnsTren: "Because his touch doesn't hurt me any more.
It makes him happy, if it doesn't I don't know why."
EnsTren: He blinked down at the small boy in front of
him.
Edmondia: Yugi looked back at him coolly. "Is that all?"
EnsTren: "It doesn't matter and I don't care."
Edmondia: "It does and you do."
EnsTren: "Delude yourself, if you must."
Edmondia: "Funny, shouldn't I be saying that to you?"
EnsTren: Seto ignored him in favor of typing on his
laptop.
Edmondia: "Don't make me shut that on your fingers, Seto." Yugi reached out and delicately placed his
fingertips atop the monitor.
EnsTren: Seto persisted in ignoring him.
EnsTren: But he did save his work.
Edmondia: Yugi slammed the laptop shut.
EnsTren: Seto didn't even flinch, simply extricated his
hand from under it, removed Yugi's hand from on top of
it, and pushed open his computer and continued typing.
EnsTren: "I am unimpressed."
Edmondia: "Shall I sit on the damn thing next?"
EnsTren: Seto gave him a peculiar look and then turned
away from him and put his laptop on his lap.
Edmondia: "Nice try, but I'm not afraid of sitting there,
either."
EnsTren: "Would you be afraid of me standing up after
you have sat down?"
Edmondia: "Nope."
EnsTren: Seto attempted to calculate the
repercussion probabilities if he kicked Yugi while he was
down. Not too hard mind you, but more shoving him off
sliding across the linolium.
Edmondia: "And Yami will set you on fire if you hurt me."
EnsTren: "Dying by fire is not the way I wanted to go.
Do you think you could persuade him to stab me in the
stomach, or cut though most of my neck?"
Edmondia: "It's possible, but he does like fire rather too much
for anyone's good. Stop dodging me."
EnsTren: "You forced him to let me live, it can't be that
hard to deflect or redirect what he wants."
Edmondia: "No, it really isn't. The trick is to make him realize
that he needs you just as much as you need him. Then he'll do
anything for you."
EnsTren: "I don't need anything from him."
Edmondia: "Love?"
EnsTren: "I don't need anything like that."
Edmondia: "He does."
Edmondia: "And maybe you can live with him or without him,
but either way it's going to hurt like hell."
EnsTren: "So?"
Edmondia: "So does he like kinky sex?"
EnsTren: "Yes."
Edmondia: "I'm not surprised. And you let him?"
EnsTren: "Yes."
Edmondia: "Why?"
EnsTren: "He wants to. Sometimes it's nice. We don't have sex anymore though."
Edmondia: "Why not?"
EnsTren: "Not interested."
Edmondia: "You or him?"
EnsTren: "I know I'm not. I'm too busy with work."
Edmondia: "Forgive my incredulity, but I've found that that
rarely stops a horny yami."
EnsTren: Seto blinked at him, showing expression for
the first time since this conversation started, mild
surprise. "I didn't think Atemu was the type to rape."
Edmondia: "You'd be suprised what happens to him if I
neglect him long enough," Yugi said flatly.
EnsTren: Seto lifted his shoulders and let them drop,
"Seth is welcome to it, it's not like it's be any diffrent.
Maybe I'd enjoy it."
Edmondia: "So you do want to kill him."
EnsTren: "How do you mean? We've done that before,
though given I was more interested when we began."
Edmondia: "If that actually happened, he would convince
Yami to kill him."
EnsTren: "The sheets are over in that closet, we
couldn't get the blood out."
Edmondia: "You said you were interested when it happened,
so I'm not going to comment. Do you even know why he's so
grabby?"
EnsTren: "He is. And what is is."
Edmondia: "It doesn't have to be."
Edmondia: "What went wrong?"
EnsTren: "I told him to go. I was tired of bending to
him."
Edmondia: "Good for you. You let him play for too long. But what's happening right now isn't much
better."
EnsTren: "I don't care."
Edmondia: "So you don't love him?"
EnsTren: "Love makes you weak. Look at him."
Edmondia: "He'd be stronger if you let him. But right now he's little better than he was as a
little boy who'd just lived through hell only to find that his angel
didn't want him."
EnsTren: "Look at what happened to Atemu when you
two were split."
Edmondia: "Relapsing into insanity, no matter how much
more freely you use your magic, is never a good thing. He was weakened."
Edmondia: "Yes, he was. He needs me. But if he didn't love
me, he wouldn't be as strong as he is."
EnsTren: "And you?"
Edmondia: Yugi smirked at him. "What do you think?"
EnsTren: "I think I'm not like you, a bully magnet, able
to stand up and take it but too weak to do anything
about it. I think I'm strong enough on my own because I
didn't need a yami to help me stand and walk and climb.
I did that myself."
Edmondia: "Do you know that I can kill everyone in this
building without asking my yami for help?"
EnsTren: "Do you know I've killed thousands of
innocents when I was shorter than you?"
EnsTren: "Maybe millions, I lost count."
Edmondia: "Maybe you're trying to scare me away."
EnsTren: "I'm only stating a fact."
Edmondia: Yugi laughed.
EnsTren: "And I didn't need yamis or magic to do it."
Edmondia: Yugi clucked his tongue and shook his head, still
smiling.
EnsTren: Seto ignored him and thought about that illegal
sword he had, it was a set of two. Since this thing had
happened he had turned the blade's direction in its
resting place so evil spirits could enter it.
Edmondia: "Why won't you let yourself be happy?"
EnsTren: "I don't matter."
Edmondia: "You do to Seth."
EnsTren: "He's blind."
Edmondia: "Is he?"
EnsTren: Suddenly he straightened, stopping his typing.
"Yugi, would you consent to a quick experiment?"
Edmondia: Yugi blinked at him. "What for?"
EnsTren: "Curiosity's sake."
Edmondia: "And will it involve physical violence or
psychological torture?"
EnsTren: Seto shook his head.
Edmondia: "Okay, I guess..."
EnsTren: Seto reached out suddenly and cupped Yugi's
cheek, skin to skin contact, prolonged. Seto gave no
reaction. "Are you capable of pulsing your energy, or
whatever you wish to call it?"
Edmondia: Yugi stared back evenly. "Yes."
EnsTren: "If you don't mind...?"
Edmondia: "How much?"
EnsTren: "How much did you do when you touched me
last time?"
Edmondia: Yugi shrugged. "Very little."
EnsTren: "So do that."
Edmondia: "All right..." and he did.
EnsTren: Within Seto light briefly flooded the corridor
between soul rooms, but did not fill in the gap between
them, and did not reach past the open portal to the door
floating in darkness.
EnsTren: Seto pulled back his hand and minimized the
windows on his laptop and opened a document where
there were notes.
EnsTren: "How would other "hikaris" react to that?
"Yamis?" What about so called normal people?"
Edmondia: "The others...? They'd sense it a little bit, it wasn't
very much, and they'd wonder what I was doing, but other than
that, not much. Yami no Bakura would cringe, Seth would
probably flinch, and Yami would stick his tongue down my
throat. Normal people would just feel a bit happier, a bit
rejuvenated."
EnsTren: "So I might not have noticed?"
EnsTren: He typed a few phrases, moving the cursor
around to type them in specific places. "Could you
make it more noticable?"
Edmondia: "Do you want me to specifically focus on you?"
EnsTren: "If that's what it takes." He held out his hand.
Edmondia: "It's not, but the effect is more intense with the
same amount of power. Or I could continue with it unfocused
and just let go a little more."
EnsTren: Seto considered this. "I'm more interested in
the sensation than anything. However, first the same
power but directed then an unfocused pulse of greater
power."
Edmondia: "All right," Yugi said softly, and took his hand.
EnsTren: And Seto waited dispassionately.
Edmondia: A moment later, he was blinded.
Edmondia: Yugi lightly withdrew his hand, blinking up at him.
"Kaiba?"
EnsTren: "I assume the spots behind my eyes indicates I
should have felt something?"
Edmondia: Yugi gave a nervous giggle. "Oh shoot, did I fry
your eyeballs?"
EnsTren: "I can see fine, the spots are already fading."
Edmondia: "Oh, that's good. Sorry about that."
EnsTren: Seto typed quickly with one hand, "I assume
you did both bursts?"
Edmondia: "Just the first, actually."
Edmondia: "You didn't move, so I didn't try the other one."
EnsTren: "Ah, I was supposed to move?"
Edmondia: "I was kinda expecting a reaction of some sort,
yeah."
EnsTren: "Would you consent to trying the next?"
Edmondia: "Sure. Now?"
EnsTren: "Please."
Edmondia: Yugi shrugged, and a split-second passed before
a tangible wave of warmth swept through the room with force
enough to ruffle his hair.
EnsTren: Seto typed.
EnsTren: "I assume that what I was supposed to feel
was not the somatic side effects?"
Edmondia: "I keep trying to tune that down... yeah, most of
the others would've sensed it and leaned into it."
EnsTren: "Thank you, you may go now, Yugi."
Edmondia: "What was that for?"
EnsTren: "Curisoity, I already went over that with you."
Edmondia: "Are you going to at least try and talk to him?"
EnsTren: "I see no point."
Edmondia: "Do you love him?"
EnsTren: "I have."
Edmondia: "That's not what I asked."
EnsTren: "No more than I love Mokuba."
Edmondia: "Rather differently, I should hope."
EnsTren: "He loved me the same way he loves his
games, only I'm an acceptable place to shove his cock
into." Despite his harsh and rather crude words he was
deadpan.
Edmondia: "He's still in love with you. And he doesn't know
any better. I had thought that you would like to keep him
human enough that he could realize what he's doing is wrong."
EnsTren: "I made him happy, that was my job."
Edmondia: "He's not happy now."
EnsTren: "I quit."
Edmondia: "Kaiba... loving him isn't supposed to be a job."
EnsTren: "Your point?"
Edmondia: "You're hurting."
EnsTren: "Again, your point?"
Edmondia: "He's hurting too. And both of you are hurting
Mokuba."
EnsTren: "Mokuba's strong, he'll get over it."
Edmondia: "But you can stop hurting."
EnsTren: "So I deal with this pain, or stop hurting and
deal with worse pain whenever he touches me? I prefer the devil I know and no pain from
him, thank you for your concern."
Edmondia: "I don't want to have to kill him."
EnsTren: "I felt nothing when you touched me. I feel nothing when he touches me. The reactions you witnessed before were
somatic side-effects. What I experianced was torture of the soul.
And I know this pain already, I've sold my soul, this is
the same ache."
Edmondia: "I'm sorry to hear that, Kaiba."
EnsTren: "I don't see why."
Edmondia: "Because you can save each other and you're too
afraid to try."
EnsTren: "Incorrect, I do not care."
Edmondia: "I don't believe you."
EnsTren: Seto blinked at him impassively, "I don't have
a soul room anymore Yugi, so go away."
Edmondia: "You do," Yugi said flatly, "Get better, Kaiba. God
knows you need it."
EnsTren: Seto ignored him.
EnsTren: After all, Yugi had not stood in the corridor
and looked out into a rectangle of darkness.
Edmondia: Yugi left silently.
EnsTren: Seto worked, it was the only thing he had left.
Edmondia: Something that sounded suspiciously like a sob
echoed down the corridors of his mind.
EnsTren: It didn't matter.
Edmondia: ...hikari...
EnsTren: He didn't hear. Only the takataka of his
fingers on the keyboard, and only the half imgined
whistling of air rushing past the void where his soul room
should have been.
Edmondia: "...Seto?"
EnsTren: Seto typed, glancing up briefly to identify the
speaker correctly.
Edmondia: Mokuba looked at him uncertainly.
EnsTren: "Yes, Mokuba?"
Edmondia: "...are you mad at me?"
EnsTren: "No."
Edmondia: "...do you love me?"
EnsTren: "You're my little brother, you keep me sane,
even with my yami, what do you think?"
Edmondia: "Give me an answer, Seto. I don't mind if you
don't." Mokuba bit his lip, staring at him uncertainly.
"Seto...?" his voice was tiny.
EnsTren: "I care for you, Mokuba, but I don't think I'm
capable of loving anymore, if I ever was."
Edmondia: Mokuba choked a little, hanging his head. "I - o...
okay, Seto. I... I just..." he wrapped his arms around himself,
sniffling. "I just..."
EnsTren: "Come here Mokuba, please, don't cry, it's
not your fault."
Edmondia: "I'm... I'm s-sorry, big brother!" he sniffled,
scrubbing furiously at his eyes, but not moving, "I - I'm not
doing it on purpose!"
EnsTren: "It's all right Mokuba, please come here, I
won't hurt you, I swear it."
Edmondia: "B-but why won't you come here?"
EnsTren: Seto considered it, then stood up and
approached, "Better?"
Edmondia: Mokuba snuffled a bit and wiped his nose on his
sleeve. "No."
EnsTren: Seto considered it again and picked him up
into his arms. "You're still my little brother, no matter what."
Edmondia: Mokuba wrapped his arms around his neck and
cried harder.
EnsTren: Seto didn't shush him, just held him, rubbed
his back. And perhaps in the darkness within grieved
the passing of himself.
Edmondia: "C-can we go to bed, Seto?"
EnsTren: Seto hesitated, he could always sneak out
after Mokuba was asleep. "Okay Mokuba, just let me
save my work." He debated putting him down versus
carrying him and decided to just carry him over.
EnsTren: He finished up quickly and shut down his
computer and then carried him to the bedroom.
Edmondia: "And no leaving," Mokuba instructed into his
throat, "I'm not letting you leave me again."
EnsTren: "Not even to get a drink or something vital
like that?"
Edmondia: "Maybe. But no longer than five minutes."
EnsTren: "Okay."
Edmondia: "Promise me."
EnsTren: "Promise."
Edmondia: Mokuba kicked off his shoes and tossed them into
the corner, wriggling down into the blankets.
EnsTren: Seto slipped his off and laid down on top of
the blankets.
Edmondia: "In, Seto."
EnsTren: Seto sighed and got under the covers,
"Happy?" He reasoned he was already way ahead in
work.
Edmondia: "No."
EnsTren: "Sorry."
Edmondia: "Don't say that if you don't mean it."
EnsTren: Seto didn't feel like arguing, so he didn't,
"All right, but I don't like you being upset."
Edmondia: Mokuba rolled onto his eyes and stared
unnervingly at him. His cheeks were wet. "Do you even know
why I'm upset?"
EnsTren: "Because I... I'm being like I was before."
Edmondia: "And?"
EnsTren: "Seth is upset because of me as well?"
Edmondia: "And?"
EnsTren: "You don't think I'm trying hard enough."
Edmondia: "And?"
EnsTren: Seto blinked at him, so very hard to satisfy. "I'm parroting out the answers based upon
reasoning, not emotions."
Edmondia: Mokuba reached out and smacked his chest.
"You're a stupid idiot!" he cried, and promptly turned over and
stuffed his head beneath a pillow.
EnsTren: Seto watched him, did not reach out for him
though. "I am sorry."
Edmondia: "No you're not!" Mokuba snapped, words muffled
by the pillow. "You are not!"
EnsTren: "As you wish."
Edmondia: Mokuba sat up and smacked him with the pillow.
"STOP IT!"
EnsTren: So Seto nodded his head slightly and was still
and quiet for his brother, just like he had been for Seth
so many times before.
Edmondia: Mokuba was crying again, ugly, jagged sobs,
curled up on himself, face buried in his knees, hair spilling over
his shoulders to brush over the blankets.
EnsTren: He wanted, quite suddenly, to reach out and
soothe him, and whisper comfort. He swore the urge was
welling up from the hole inside of him. But Mokuba wanted him to stop it. So he
didn't.
Edmondia: "...why don't you love me anymore?"
EnsTren: "Because I can't love anything anymore.
I... you've had the soul room and corridor explained to
you?"
Edmondia: He sniffled loudly and turned to look at him, not
even bothering to swipe at the fresh tearstains. "A... a little..."
EnsTren: "You know the basics right? The room, even
the door and the wall it's on shows your soul, your
personality?"
Edmondia: "Uh huh..."
EnsTren: "I don't have a room any more. Just a black
door shaped hole into a void."
Edmondia: "...maybe you didn't look hard enough."
EnsTren: "There used to be a door and a perfectly
suitable room there."
Edmondia: "Maybe you lost it and have to find it again."
EnsTren: "Mokuba, your soul room is your soul."
Edmondia: "It's happened before. You just have to find it
again," Mokuba said stubbornly, folding his arms and fixing him
with a glare.
EnsTren: "As far as I'm concerned you are all that is left
of my soul. And all I ever really needed."
Edmondia: The glare never faltered. "You can do better than
that, Seto."
EnsTren: "It's the truth. We were fine until Seth came."
Edmondia: "Don't blame all of this on him. He made you happy, Seto, I saw it."
EnsTren: "I'm not. I'm just stating a fact."
Edmondia: "If we were fine, we would've stayed fine!"
EnsTren: "Perhaps not fine, but you were happy and I
could function. And I had my soul."
Edmondia: "You still have it! You have all of it, better than
before, I know you did!"
EnsTren: "I had a worse monster under the bed, better
good memories, and the sensation of having a part of my
soul slowly being cut off along with the other crap that
happens whenever he touched me."
Edmondia: "At least you smiled then!"
EnsTren: "So?"
Edmondia: Mokuba bit his lip. "So you smiled."
EnsTren: "I also screamed my head off."
Edmondia: He actually smirked a bit at that. "In a good way
or a bad way?"
EnsTren: "Both, we couldn't get the blood out of the
sheets."
Edmondia: "Too much information, big brother," Mokuba
mumbled.
EnsTren: "Since when? And besides, you asked."
Edmondia: Mokuba scooted closer, looking him over
critically. "How long has it been since you ate a decent meal?"
EnsTren: "Define decent."
Edmondia: "One that actually filled you up and had nutrition
in it."
EnsTren: "I don't feel hungry much, so therefore
everything has filled me up. I also take my vitamins."
Edmondia: Mokuba reached out with a tiny hand and poked
him in the ribs. "You're too skinny, Seto," he murmured, eyes
downcast.
EnsTren: "I'm always too skinny."
Edmondia: "...I wish you were happy again."
EnsTren: "So do I."
Edmondia: Mokuba scooted closer again, reached up that
tiny hand, and brushed his bangs out of his eyes.
EnsTren: Seto tilted his head into it and closed his eyes.
Edmondia: Those tiny fingers, so familiar, drifted lightly over
his face, traced the curve of his lips. "How can I make you
happy?" Mokuba wondered, voice low and confused.
EnsTren: "I don't deserve to be happy."
Edmondia: Mokuba's eyes narrowed, and he pinched his
nose.
EnsTren: Seto waited impassivly for the explosion, if it
would come.
Edmondia: "Why don't you react to anything anymore?"
EnsTren: "No soul."
Edmondia: "I don't believe you."
EnsTren: "Believe what you wish."
Edmondia: Mokuba held out his arms.
EnsTren: Seto hugged him.
Edmondia: Mokuba wrapped his arms around his waist and
pillowed his head on his shoulder. "What do you feel?"
EnsTren: "Pressure, heat, friction, vibration. In a word,
you."
Edmondia: He rubbed his nose into his neck. "Not that,
Seto."
EnsTren: "I'm a stupid idiot, what do you expect?"
Edmondia: "Give me a real answer and you'll be less stupid,"
Mokuba said calmly, with all the superior knowledge of a
ten-year-old boy.
EnsTren: "I feel you."
Edmondia: Mokuba tucked his head under his chin. "What's
it like?"
EnsTren: "Warm, comfortable."
Edmondia: He reached up and batted lightly at the locket that
still dangled from his neck.
Edmondia: "Is that all?"
EnsTren: "I feel you, my heart."
Edmondia: "Is that what I am?"
EnsTren: "Yes."
Edmondia: "But you don't love me anymore." His voice was
lost, confused, and very very young.
EnsTren: "I can still care, after a fashion. I can still
keep my promises."
Edmondia: "But Seto..." he turned and looked straight into
his eyes, "If I'm your heart, and I'm right here, why wouldn't you
be able to love?"
EnsTren: "You keep my heart, all that is left. The rest
of it is cold, just like how my soul is gone and cold and
dark."
Edmondia: "But... that's not true."
EnsTren: "Isn't it?"
Edmondia: "If it were... you wouldn't have hugged me, would
you?"
EnsTren: "What do you mean?"
Edmondia: "If... if your soul was all cold, you wouldn't have
known to give me a hug, right?"
EnsTren: "It could be seen that way. Or it could be reasoning and memories."
Edmondia: Mokuba stared at him, huge eyes liquid, biting on
his lip to keep it from trembling.
EnsTren: Seto watched him, impassively.
Edmondia: "Do something," he almost begged, tugging at his
shirt, "Don't just sit there - do something!"
EnsTren: Seto hugged him to his chest, and bowed his
head over Mokuba's.
Edmondia: He was crying again, desperately, fisting his little
hands in his shirt and clinging to him, his whole body shaking
with the force of his sobs.
EnsTren: Seto rubbed his back and kissed the crown of
his head.
Edmondia: He was so little, when was he going to run out of
tears to cry?
EnsTren: Seto never did, until now, and he was much
bigger than his little brother.
Edmondia: Eventually, after forever, the tears finally stopped,
but Mokuba was still shaking.
EnsTren: So he continued to hold him, like his yami did
with him.
Edmondia: And that tiny, tiny voice, so hoarse with tears and
crying, muffled against his chest, whispering, "I wish you loved
me..."
EnsTren: "So do I, Otouto." So do I.
Edmondia: Mokuba gave a little hiccupping wail and buried
his face in his shoulder.
EnsTren: "I'm sorry I'm so broken and twisted,
Otouto."
Edmondia: Mokuba shook his head. "Not."
EnsTren: "I am. I was sorry before I lost my soul, and I
am now."
Edmondia: He drew in a shaky breath. "Not... not twisted.
Sad. Not twisted."
EnsTren: "I am, Otouto. You just let your love blind
you."
Edmondia: "Why do you keep saying that?"
EnsTren: "Because it's the truth."
Edmondia: "...but you loved me and now you don't so now
you don't like me anymore?!" his voice was tinging on the
hysterical, and he yanked himself away, sprawling back on the
bed.
EnsTren: Seto dove after him and pulled him back
against his chest. "Just because I can't anymore doesn't
mean that I don't wish I could!"
Edmondia: "But you don't like me!" he wailed, "I'm just - just
a responsibility to you, that's why you've been away and - and
that's why you wouldn't talk to me or hug me or - or anything!"
EnsTren: "Because I don't know how to anymore, not
really. And you deserve better than a mockery."
Edmondia: "I don't WANT anything else! I just want you!"
EnsTren: "But I'm not me, I haven't been me for a very
long time."
EnsTren: He picked up Mokuba's locket and pressed it
into his hand. "I wish it wasn't true, but the brother in
here is dead, the hikari is dead."
EnsTren: And though he couldn't feel them, and
wouldn't understand them if he did, tears were pouring
down his face, for once without him trying to stop them. "I'm just... a happy memory, and I don't want
to tarnish that."
Edmondia: "It's not true! It's not! You think it's true but it's
wrong, Seto! You're wrong!"
EnsTren: "Then where is he, Mokuba?" A sad smile,
cracked as if he didn't quite know how to smile.
EnsTren: "I never saw him in my soul room. I saw him
twice, once he yelled at me. Seth... Seth has seen him
dead."
Edmondia: He set his tiny jaw and glared up at him. "Seth is
dead, too, but that's not stopping him! Or any of the others! I
think he's just lost and we have to find him, that's all! We'll
always be able to find him!"
EnsTren: "You can't get your innocence back once it's lost."
Edmondia: "It's not innocence that I want!"
EnsTren: "Then what?"
Edmondia: "I want you! I want you to smile at me and love
me and hug me and make everything better again!"
EnsTren: He hugged him, "Some wounds never heal.
Some wounds kill."
Edmondia: "I won't let you leave me," he snarled, tiny,
ineffectual, "You're MY brother and you're NOT going to go
anywhere."
EnsTren: "I promise I won't leave, Mokuba."
EnsTren: No more than I have already.
Edmondia: "And you'll look for him?"
EnsTren: "...Okay."
EnsTren: Even though it hurts worse than Seth's and
Yugi's touch at the same time would have.
Edmondia: "Promise?"
EnsTren: "Promise."
Edmondia: Mokuba smiled at him. It was strained, wavering,
and far too old for someone his age.
Edmondia: "I love you, Seto."
EnsTren: So Seto held him. "If I could I would love
you too, Mokuba."
Edmondia: "...my way sounds better."
EnsTren: "Yes."
Edmondia: He pushed lightly at his chest.
EnsTren: Seto pulled back slightly.
Edmondia: He pushed again.
EnsTren: And he pulled back even more.
Edmondia: Mokuba snorted. "Lie down, big brother, not run
away."
EnsTren: He laid down.
Edmondia: Mokuba crawled on top of him, curling into his
side and resting his head on his chest.
EnsTren: Seto wrapped an arm around him.
Edmondia: Mokuba rubbed his cheek into the softness of his
shirt. "'Night, big brother."
EnsTren: "Good night, Otouto."
Edmondia: He closed his eyes. His too-long lashes were
brittle with salt.
EnsTren: Seto kissed his head again.
EnsTren: And maybe held him a bit too tight.
Edmondia: But Mokuba didn't protest, just snuggled closer.
EnsTren: And he got a full night's sleep.
Edmondia: For the first time in a very long time.