EnsTren: (morning dia)
Edmondia: (morning nemichan)
EnsTren: (I keep seeing this image of seto looking into a mirror, maybe one in his soul room)
EnsTren: (and it's like a funhouse mirror, but not as much, and there's cracks in it)
EnsTren: (and nails hammered into the eyes where his reflection is)
EnsTren: (neck, heart)
Edmondia: (that's unpleasant)
EnsTren: (I think it hurts him when seth says he finds other people attractive)
EnsTren: (or that he likes other people)
EnsTren: (I think he can deal with the yugis, because he has this whole angst thing "they are better than me!")
EnsTren: (strangely if he was healthier he'd be UPSET about seth liking them that way)
Edmondia: (he's a bit of an odd lad)
EnsTren: (hai)
EnsTren: (but I really think it hurts him)
Edmondia: (mmhmm)
Edmondia: (whereas Seth has a... healthier outlook on things)
EnsTren: (yeah, but doesn't realie it hurts seto, who has him as the sky and mokuba as his earth)
EnsTren: (who doesn't look at anyone else, doesn't even think about them in that way)
Edmondia: (I think if he found out about that, Seth would be rather disturbed)
EnsTren: (yeah it means they can't gawk at pretties together)
Edmondia: (that too)
Edmondia: (but being unable to appreciate, even aesthetically, the beauty of others is just... kinda weird.)
EnsTren: (I think he's able to on some level, but never wanted to, and never sexually)
EnsTren: (hell I don't think he apreciates seth visually sexually)
Edmondia: (okay, that's even weirder)
EnsTren: (too wraped up in thinking himself as plain and outright repressed)
EnsTren: (the visual stimulation he gets is Pretty skin + Pretty eyes = Pretty and also Yami + naked = Sex.)
Edmondia: (Seth will be unhappy to note that his attempts at seduction weren't really noticed)
Edmondia: (and I giggle at your equations)
Edmondia: (I think he knows that his yami finds him beautiful, but is rather bewildered by it)
EnsTren: (yes)
EnsTren: (the only time when the seduction attempts were noticed was when his yami touched him in ways that felt good or bad)
Edmondia: (Seth says, "Dammit! All that time I spent perfecting my come-hither look, wasted!")
EnsTren: (Seto can recognize it and come over and spread his legs)
EnsTren: (he recognizes it in a...mechanical fashion)
Edmondia: (not in a... come, let us grope one another and eat chocolate-covered strawberries-type way)
EnsTren: (right, he knows what it means but doesnt feel it)
Edmondia: (Seth is sulking)
EnsTren: (but when you start doing the gropeing thing he gets into it)
Edmondia: (Seth says seduction isn't all about groping.)
EnsTren: (I say he doesn't have to seduce seto because he is unseducable in that fashion, besides all he has to do is tell seto to open his legs and he would)
EnsTren: (it's not nessicary, that's how fucked up your hikari is)
Edmondia: (ah, but he wants to seduce him)
EnsTren: (to bad?)
Edmondia: (hence his sulk)
Edmondia: (mmmkay, gotta go)
EnsTren: (k)
Edmondia: (see ya)
EnsTren: (see ya)
EnsTren is away at 12:20:52 PM.
EnsTren returned at 1:31:53 PM.
Edmondia: (hullo)
Edmondia: (what's up?)
Edmondia: (?)
EnsTren: (nothing)
Edmondia: (Seth is asleep on my shoulder)
Edmondia: (get him off, he's heavy)
EnsTren: (*uses kawamiri no jutsu to subsitute seto for you*)
Edmondia: (*yawns and stretches* Sankyuu)
EnsTren: (I wanna scold seth for bullying seto)
Edmondia: (go right ahead)
EnsTren: (*scolds*)
Edmondia: (*throws chair at his head*)
EnsTren: (*is really evil and makes seto worse than he was because of yami abuse*)
Edmondia: (GAH! STOP THAT!)
EnsTren: (heheheee)
Edmondia: (the last thing he needs is more angst)
EnsTren: (no heart attacks?)
Edmondia: (we already gave him one, he doesn't need another)
EnsTren: (is diffrent setotes)
Edmondia: (we need to stop the setote abuse)
Edmondia: (...well, a little.)
EnsTren: (but he's too abuseable!)
Edmondia: (life is never that miserable)
EnsTren: (It ain't life)
Edmondia: (it's his)
EnsTren: (le sigh)
EnsTren: (seth needs to do something yamiful])
Edmondia: (yes, he does)
EnsTren: (thst means someone needs to threaten seto)
Edmondia: (true)
EnsTren: (but no one in their right mind does)
Edmondia: (exactly)
EnsTren: (poor seth, can't be good for his self esteem, seto doesn't need him like that)
Edmondia: ("I WANNA BATSU GEEMU PEOPLE!")
Edmondia: (yes dear, we know.)
EnsTren: (Seto replied dismissivly, "So go out and find some muggers.")
Edmondia: ("They're boring! It's no fun to play mind games with people who aren't smart enough to be a threat!")
EnsTren: ("You said you wanted to Batsu Geemu people, not mentally torment people.")
Edmondia: ("Same thing," he sulked.)
EnsTren: ("So go find smart people who deserve it.")
Edmondia: (Seth sighed and wandered away. "It's no FUN this way...")
EnsTren: ("Explain that to me?")
Edmondia: ("Bad guys should come to you, you shouldn't have to look for them!")
EnsTren: ("The only ones who come after me are idiots flunkies or insane. And I've basically managed to take care of all of them on my own, except for the ones that used magic, and then the yugis did it.")
Edmondia: ("...I'm going to sulk now.")
EnsTren: ("Why? SHouldn't you be happy that I'm not being overy threatened?")
Edmondia: ("But that makes me useless!")
EnsTren: (*blinkblink* "Not in bed")
Edmondia: (Seth shot him a sour look.)
EnsTren: ((Random: I think Seto actually really liked flying down on the jet pack, in an enjoyable way not the freaky manic death threat way))
EnsTren: ("It's the truth")
Edmondia: ("So I'm useless except for sex!" he threw up his hands in frustration, "Slap me in a skirt and call me a whore!")
EnsTren: ("...You'd look good in a skirt I think")
EnsTren: ("And you make me smile.")
Edmondia: ("Of course I look good in a skirt, I have fabulous legs," Seth muttered, "Dammit, I wanna kill stuff!")
EnsTren: (Seto looked away from him at that, unsure of what he thought of that declaration)
Edmondia: ("Why aren't there any rebellions I can squish? Bandits? Unwashed evil-doers of... uh, evilness?")
EnsTren: ("There's bakura. And the upstarts in the middle east. And the puritain catholics in Italy and the dumber ones ins america.")
Edmondia: ((hey, we're not all dumb! Just... a lot of us. -_-;; ))
EnsTren: ((yeah))
Edmondia: ("Thief's been being good to stay in his omote's bed. And all the rest are too far away from you.")
EnsTren: ("We'll take another trip then, okay? I'm sure there's rapists and murderers in New York City.")
Edmondia: ("Are there any here? You could put out an ad or something...")
EnsTren: (*rolls his eyes*)
Edmondia: ("Fine, I guess I'll have to start skulking around the city at night... might be fun.")
EnsTren: ("Make sure you don't dress like me")
Edmondia: ("Of course not. Um... what should I wear to go skulking?")
EnsTren: ("Ask mokuba")
EnsTren: ((I have an apointment))
Edmondia: ((see ya))
EnsTren is away at 3:31:25 PM.
EnsTren returned at 6:04:31 PM.
EnsTren: (hi)
Edmondia: (hi)
EnsTren: (I just had my first gynocologist)
EnsTren: (exam)
Edmondia: (that sounds scary)
EnsTren: (it was, but it kinda tickled)
EnsTren: (Also, I'm a virgin and I don't use tampons so i didn't need a papsmeer)
Edmondia: (tampons are le icky)
EnsTren: (hai!)
Edmondia: (only for use in emergencies and swimming pools)
EnsTren: (I never use em)
EnsTren: (nemichan goes Owie)
Edmondia: (depends on what kind you use)
EnsTren: (no, nemichan just doesn't like things down there)
Edmondia: (I've heard rave reviews about the... tampax pearl ones?)
EnsTren: (ah, but apprently I have a slightly small vagina)
Edmondia: (oh, ouchiness)
EnsTren: (it will work fine when I use it! just a bit left of normal)
EnsTren: (have low blood pressure)
EnsTren: (healthy low)
Edmondia: (that good is)
Edmondia: (yay for health)
EnsTren: (I'm like 224 pounds even though I don't look it, have 42-43 DD breasts soooo)
Edmondia: (yeah)
Edmondia: (me mum's the same way)
EnsTren: (got a big tummy and hips though)
Edmondia: (*shiver* I fear gynocologists)
EnsTren: (ditto)
EnsTren: (but this wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be)
Edmondia: (I... very much do not like the idea of anyone poking around down there)
EnsTren: (didn't poke at all)
Edmondia: (no poking is good)
EnsTren: (kinda more push and tug, spread stuff to make sure it's all okay)
Edmondia: (...don't like the idea of that either)
EnsTren: (it's not so bad)
EnsTren: (hell it's not bad at all, just, spreading both sets of lips really)
Edmondia: (other people should NOT be down there)
Edmondia: (health be damned)
EnsTren: (can get a girl)
Edmondia: (a girl is still other people)
EnsTren: (is better than a guy)
Edmondia: (true)
EnsTren: (get a nice person)
Edmondia: (I'd rather have no people)
EnsTren: (at least breast exam)
EnsTren: (and if have sex get one!)
EnsTren: (cause then you can get crevical cancer)
EnsTren: (andand if not need papsmeer don't need to put anything up there)
EnsTren: (am going to get a sonogram to make sure my plumbing is aokay)
Edmondia: (if have sex. note the if. note the very unlikely until I get married if.)
EnsTren: (if put anything up there that can break hymen)
EnsTren: (distasteful I know)
Edmondia: (...well shit, I don't have a freakin' hymen.)
EnsTren: (?!)
Edmondia: (seven years of horseback riding, seven years of tae kwon doe)
EnsTren: (oh, well that shouldn't matter)
EnsTren: (if something is put up there)
EnsTren: (*still has hers which is why doesn't like tampons*)
Edmondia: (ah, I haven't had mine for... a v. long time)
EnsTren: (*pats*)
EnsTren: (better than some idiot gut breaking it)
EnsTren: (BTW, are you saving youtself because of morals or because...not intrested?)
EnsTren: (= not intrested)
Edmondia: (a little of column a, a little of column b)
Edmondia: (it'd take a really DAMN long time for me to get comfy enough with a guy to do anything like that)
EnsTren: (you're not intrested so if you're going to loose it you might as way might have morals about it)
EnsTren: (for all our kink and perversion and theroretical sins I think we have better morals than most chirstians)
Edmondia: (you're saying this to a catholic who's in a state of religious guilt 'cause she didn't get ashed today *headdesk*)
EnsTren: (I mean "I have to stay a virgin until I'm married" versus "I want to stay a virgin until I'm married and I want to love and trust him completely")
EnsTren: (*pats*)
Edmondia: (The way I figure it, Jesus loved and cared for everybody. Especially sinners. Theoretical sin... I write about things that I would never do, but I can see how others would do them. I don't think that makes me a bad person.)
Edmondia: (and brb, laundry)
EnsTren: (k)
Edmondia: (back)
EnsTren: (k)
EnsTren: (seto said something)
Edmondia: (he did?)
EnsTren: ("You may to be able to kill them, physically, magically, whatever, but you won't. You're a hikari. You don't kill innocents, you're not capable of it, I am. That's what I am, a shattered mirror to a dark.")
Edmondia: ("You sound very sure of yourself.")
EnsTren: ("How about this, go outside, go to the hospital, follow a family home after the birth, and when they get home, kill the baby.")
Edmondia: ("Children are sacred.")
EnsTren: ("Of course they are, they are innocent.")
Edmondia: ("Sanctity only goes so far.")
Edmondia: ("And don't tell me that you would.")
EnsTren: ("I won't. I'll tell you I did/")
Edmondia: ("When?")
EnsTren: ("When I was eleven, when I was ten, last year and a few months ago.")
Edmondia: (He leaned over and kissed him.)
EnsTren: (He flinched back.)
EnsTren: (His stomach rebeled against him and he was pale and then greenish.)
Edmondia: (Seth blinked languidly at him, then tugged lightly on his arm. "If you're going to be sick, I'm taking you to the bathroom.")
EnsTren: ((he's talking to yugi))
EnsTren: ((he did call the person a hikari, remember))
Edmondia: ((...oops.))
Edmondia: ((^_^;; ))
EnsTren: ((*bats at you*))
Edmondia: ((*ducks* I'm sorry!))
Edmondia: ((I take back the smooch!))
EnsTren: (('s'okay. NO!))
EnsTren: ((Smooch was good!))
EnsTren: ((hehheeee))
Edmondia: ((wha?!))
Edmondia: ((why the hell would yugi kiss him?))
EnsTren: ((Seto needs kisses))
Edmondia: ((yes, but why would Yugi kiss him?))
EnsTren: ((proof of purity))
Edmondia: ((gee, kaiba, you're not that bad! if you were, you would've spontaneously combusted when I kissed ya!))
EnsTren: ((also yugi saying seto's kisses had light in them))
Edmondia: ((you're really into this kissing thing -_-;; ))
EnsTren: ((incorrect, I'm into the lightshipping which will open up darkshipping which will open up a foursom))
Edmondia: ((*sweatdrop*))
EnsTren: ((heheheee))
Edmondia: ((darkshipping usually refers to yami no yugi/yami no bakura))
EnsTren: ((okay))
EnsTren: ((Nobleshipping))
Edmondia: ((is that what it's called? I haven't checked the list in a while))
EnsTren: ((I just made it up))
Edmondia: ((XP))
Edmondia: ((anyhoot))
Edmondia: ((so yugi kissed seto))
EnsTren: ((heheee))
Edmondia: ((this does not imply any sort of relationship other than affectionate friendship))
Edmondia: ((but it does freak the hell out of seto))
EnsTren: ((and make him feel a bit ill))
Edmondia: ((but yugi's made his point))
EnsTren: ((yeah))
Edmondia: ((and I have found the ambiance button on my wmp and am amusing myself way more than should be possible))
EnsTren: ((hehheheee))
Edmondia: ((whee!))
Edmondia: ((and what does dear Seto think of Yugi's point))
Edmondia: ((other than "ughgonnahurl"))
EnsTren: ((doesn't realize there was a point))
Edmondia: ((should Yugi tell him?))
EnsTren: ((yes))
Edmondia: (Yugi tilted his head and smiled at him. "How do you feel?")
EnsTren: ("Ill.")
Edmondia: ("Is that all?")
EnsTren: ("Like my entrails are outside my body")
Edmondia: ("Is that all?" he repeated, still smiling.)
EnsTren: ("Yes")
Edmondia: ("Then I don't see how you can possible think of yourself as that bad.")
EnsTren: ("Because I am," Seto pulled his garbage can over and started depositing his bile and previous meal into it.)
Edmondia: (Yugi watched him quietly, no regret on his face. "I don't think you are.")
EnsTren: (In that instant, choaking and cold and sweating he could have hated Yugi. But he couldn't.)
Edmondia: ("Do you know why, Seto?" A simple question, light but laden with something he didn't want to think about.)
EnsTren: (So he didn't.)
EnsTren: (So he hunched and shook and waited for the pain to go away.)
Edmondia: ("Would you like me to tell you?" Patient, patient voice, calm and soothing and warm.)
EnsTren: (He didn't like it. It hurt, warm and light and painful. He whiped his lips and leaned away, away! from him, shivering all over and laying his head on the back of his chair.)
Edmondia: ("Kaiba." Soft velvet voice, melted honey, and he wondered if that why Atemu was so in love with him. "I'm going to tell you something that you're not going to like.")
EnsTren: (He closed his eyes, willing the strength back into his body, willing the tears to stay inside. He wanted to be like that! Why couldn't he be like that? Warm and honey and things to make you melt, not ice and dark and existing to live with pain.)
Edmondia: ("If were as bad as you think you are... that kiss would have killed you.")
EnsTren: (He felt as if he was dying, fire in his stomach, and agony in every nerve. He wishes it killed him.)
Edmondia: ("Don't wish for death, it doesn't become you.")
EnsTren: (Obviously Yugi didn't know him too well. And get the fuck out of my head you Pegasus wannabe.)
Edmondia: ("Who would want to dress like that?")
EnsTren: (Seto didn't laugh.)
Edmondia: (Yugi looked at him solemnly. "Do you know how I did that, Kaiba?")
EnsTren: (He shoved himself violent away from the desk, he spun and was exhuasted from that, eyes closed tighter, more pain, nerves on fire, white light fire.)
EnsTren: (He blanked his mind, he thought of numbers, he thought of void and black holes.)
Edmondia: ("It's your light.")
EnsTren: (Shut up.)
Edmondia: ("It's yours, Seto. It's what I felt when I kissed you, what Seth's been longing for forever, what you can't see but everyone else can. Light calls to light and even more strongly to the darkness - that's why Seth can't stand to be away from you, underneath how much he loves you. It's you.")
EnsTren: (He thought of war, of womena nd children and men wasting away from germs delivered by his missles, he thoguht of war, he thought of Death-T, bringing up each perfect picture in his mind of every atrocity he was responcible for.)
Edmondia: ("You're better now," Yugi whispered, and he saw Mokuba in his words.)
EnsTren: ("I still did it!" His voice was harsh from his sore throat as he slamed his fist down. Behind his eyes numbers danced, statistics, more than that though, because each number had a face and name, even if it was only imagined.)
Edmondia: ("And you are forgiven.")
EnsTren: (You can't be forgiven if there's no one left to forgive you.)
Edmondia: ("Then I forgive you in their place.")
EnsTren: (You can't.)
Edmondia: ("Your own guilt is your salvation.")
EnsTren: (He paused at this, pausing as it had never occured to him, lightly reaching the shining concept but not touching.)
EnsTren: (It cannot be forgiven.)
Edmondia: ("It can.")
EnsTren: (Not in this lifetime.)
Edmondia: ("Why not?")
EnsTren: (The stain is eternally upon my soul. But the next me is not me, so perhaps they can be forgiven, even if the tear and dark is still there.)
Edmondia: ("You condemn yourself too easily, Seto Kaiba.")
EnsTren: (Kaiba.)
Edmondia: ("Seto.")
EnsTren: (Seto Kaiba is not a hikari, he is not who was ment for Seth.)
Edmondia: ("Seth is in love with you, whoever you are.")
EnsTren: (He shouldn't be.)
Edmondia: ("Are you going to push him away because you don't think you're worthy of him?")
EnsTren: (Yes.)
Edmondia: ("He doesn't want to be pushed away from you.")
EnsTren: (What he wants is not for the best.)
Edmondia: ("He wants you.")
EnsTren: (I want to die.)
Edmondia: ("And leave him alone for another three thousand years?")
EnsTren: (What we want is not always best.)
Edmondia: ("Do you want him?")
EnsTren: (I want what is best.)
Edmondia: ("He is the best thing you could ever have.")
EnsTren: (I don't matter.)
Edmondia: ("You are everything to him.")
EnsTren: (But I'm not everything I should be.)
EnsTren: (And I'm not everything to him.)
Edmondia: ("You are.")
EnsTren: (And grife welled up in him, flooding over everything even though he tried to keep it back.)
Edmondia: ("...he'll do anything for you.")
EnsTren: (It remained, it wasn't deep but it was all pervasive.)
EnsTren: (Like a rain on the plains, but for the water to stay above how much is hidden below the surface?)
Edmondia: ("...he loves you. Let that save you, if you won't let yourself.")
EnsTren: (The water rippled as it rose.)
Edmondia: ("...why does that make you sad?")
EnsTren: (He shouldn't.)
Edmondia: ("But he has, he does, and he will, forever.")
EnsTren: (Not this one. The next one maybe.)
EnsTren: (It hurts so much, hurts and hurts and makes his closed eyes fill up with tears and try to get out from under his lids and stream down his cheeks but he won't let them. He won't! He'll be strong and keep them in so no one can see his weakness.)
Edmondia: ("He's in love with you. Not who you were, not who you could be, not who you would have been. You.")
EnsTren: (Seto looked like a marrionette, harshly put down on the shair and strings cut or loose. Broken and boneless.)
Edmondia: ("You and you alone," Yugi finished softly, "And isn't that worth living for?")
EnsTren: (Lived for Mokuba and we both know how that turned out.)
Edmondia: ("Mokuba is safe and happy and healthy and he loves you very much. How is that bad?")
EnsTren: (Death-T, before that too.)
Edmondia: ("You weren't yourself, then.")
EnsTren: (Oh? Was I being controled by some outside power? Was Noa possessing me?)
EnsTren: (His whit is an acid lash, sarcastic and cutting into himself.)
Edmondia: ("You were hurt.")
EnsTren: (I was me.)
EnsTren: ((I want yugi to sit in seto's lap!))
Edmondia: ((why?))
Edmondia: ("And who are you now?")
EnsTren: ((cuteness and to reach seto's face better and make sure he's loking him in the eyes))
EnsTren: ((also the ultimate hikari attack, yugi hugtoy))
EnsTren: (Neither.)
Edmondia: (Yugi leaned into his personal space unashamedly, looking into his eyes. "Who are you, Seto Kaiba?")
EnsTren: (Seto's eyes were closed.)
EnsTren: (I am neither.)
EnsTren: (I am neither what I was and should have been, nor am I what I was. Heh, I'm death, because isn't that what lies between two lives?)
Edmondia: ("People change, souls remain. Your soul is whole and pure. Hurting, yes, and sad, but whole and pure just the same.")
EnsTren: (No.)
Edmondia: ("Yes.")
Edmondia: (One delicate hand lifted to his chest and rested over his heart. "You are hurt, yes, and still uncertain... but your light remains.")
EnsTren: (He shuddered and pressed back into the soft chair, hurting and recoiling. His heart pupped white fire and needles made of sunlight.)
Edmondia: ("Why do you fight yourself?")
EnsTren: (The tears came, he felt the ice trails on his skin.)
EnsTren: (HURTS.)
Edmondia: ("It's okay to hurt.")
EnsTren: (He convulsed lightly, a sob but held in.)
Edmondia: (Yugi didn't move away. "Do you want your yami?")
EnsTren: (He hurts too!)
EnsTren: (And admitting that just unlocked more pain it seemed.)
Edmondia: (Yugi's voice was very soft. "Mokuba...?")
EnsTren: (I'll hurt him!)
EnsTren: (He shook again, digging his fingers into the armrests, refusing to even grant himself the comfort of hugging himself just as he resisted the release of tears.)
Edmondia: (So Yugi hugged him instead.)
EnsTren: (And slowly Seto's arms wraped around him, and sobbed, tears forced out by the pain.)
Edmondia: ("It's okay, Seto..." he whispered softly, "It's okay, I swear...")
EnsTren: (He held him crushingly tight. Hurts! It Hurts! And it's not alright, it will never be alright, I'm not alright because it Hurts! He kept crying into him. And I deserve it.)
EnsTren: (He held onto him, for comfort and the pain.)
Edmondia: ("No, Seto, you don't... it will be all right, because you will heal... you can heal now, and it will never hurt again... it might be strange and scary, but you'll be safe and protected, and you'll have your yami to save you.")
EnsTren: (Seto sobbed, he wept and cried and held onto him so tight.)
EnsTren: (And not believeing a single word out of Yugi's mouth.)
Edmondia: (Even if it was the truth.)
EnsTren: (He could never win.)
EnsTren: (His soul was a shattered mirror held together by silver light and silver string and he could never ever win. Never have what he truely wanted.)
EnsTren: (He wasn't allowed it. He was only allowed a little, enough to keep him alive.)
Edmondia: (...pretty light?)
EnsTren: (He flinched down, curling up--Yugi's bright light making Seth's darkness as prominate and strong as if he was right next to him, and he was caught between two painful extreams.)
Edmondia: (Seth seemed to sense it and withdrew again, until he could just barely sense him. I just wanted to tell you that I love you... and he was gone again.)
EnsTren: (And he cried for the loss, for the wrong that his yami should love someone as horrible as him, cried for the pain and guilt.)
Edmondia: ("There's nothing wrong with his loving you...")
EnsTren: (Hurts.)
Edmondia: ("His love for you hurts?")
EnsTren: (He hurts, that I'm not enough hurts. You hurt. Everything hurts me in the end.)
EnsTren: (He wasn't crying as hard now, shivering though, still weeping, still in so much pain.)
Edmondia: ("We love you.")
EnsTren: (He couldn't bring himself to pull away or let his grip slacken, let alone push him away.)
Edmondia: ("Does that hurt?")
EnsTren: (Yes.)
Edmondia: ("Why?")
EnsTren: (Why am I twisted?)
Edmondia: ("Because you were hurt.")
EnsTren: (Why did it happen to me?)
Edmondia: ("Because someone saw your light and wanted to use it for himself.")
EnsTren: (I showed it to him. And he wanted my mind and body.)
Edmondia: ("And that is why it happened. You're not normal, Seto, and people want to take advantage of that.")
EnsTren: (THEN WHY DIDN'T IT HAPPEN TO YOU!? WHY NOT RYOU!?)
EnsTren: (Why isn't it fair?)
Edmondia: ("We had someone to shelter us. You didn't. It isn't fair because it isn't fair.")
EnsTren: (Why didn't anyone take us in? Why did I have to sellmysoul for it?)
EnsTren: (...Nothing is fair.)
Edmondia: ("I don't know, Seto... I don't know.")
EnsTren: (He didn't say anything, only pulled tighter into himself.)
Edmondia: ("Life is never fair... but there is joy to reward the suffering.")
EnsTren: (What, money?)
Edmondia: ("Happiness. Love. The look on your yami's face when he sees you smile.")
EnsTren: (But it's not what I want.)
Edmondia: ("What do you want?")
EnsTren: (To win, for it to not hurt.)
EnsTren: (To not be what I am.)
Edmondia: ("The healing will take time...")
EnsTren: (You can't become innocent again, or do you sudjets I give myself amnisia?)
Edmondia: ("It's not about innocence, it's about happiness.")
EnsTren: (I thought it was about purity.)
Edmondia: ("Purity isn't innocence.")
EnsTren: (What's pure about me, then?)
Edmondia: ("Your heart.")
EnsTren: ("Hah.")
Edmondia: ("Do you love him?")
EnsTren: ("Yes.")
Edmondia: ("Do you love Mokuba?")
EnsTren: ("Yes.")
Edmondia: ("Who do you hate?")
EnsTren: ("Me.")
Edmondia: ("Then I see no flaw in your heart.")
EnsTren: ("I hate you too, you know.")
Edmondia: ("Do you really?")
EnsTren: ("I want to win, it's the only thing I have that's mine alone.")
EnsTren: ("And you took it from me.")
Edmondia: ("I can't give it back to you.")
EnsTren: ("I have nothing.")
Edmondia: ("You have your yami.")
EnsTren: ("Not even myself.")
EnsTren: ("No I don't.")
EnsTren: ("He's not mine, not only mine.")
Edmondia: ("Then whose is he, if not yours?")
EnsTren: ("You yami's.")
EnsTren: ("I have nothing that is only mine.")
Edmondia: ("Seth doesn't belong to my yami.")
EnsTren: ("Yes he does, at least partially.")
Edmondia: ("How?")
Edmondia: ((wheehee! someone started a seto/seth fanlisting!))
EnsTren: ("The same way I belong to Mokuba a little.")
EnsTren: ((heh))
EnsTren: ("He wants your yami, you know. He wanted him before he wanted me and still wants him.")
EnsTren: ("He thinks Jou is pretty.")
EnsTren: ("He thinks he's bright.")
EnsTren: And the tears flowed again.
Edmondia: ("Jou is pretty. As is my yami. But he loves you.")
EnsTren: "He loves your yami too."
Edmondia: "Not as much as he loves you."
EnsTren: "He still loves him."
Edmondia: "You love Mokuba."
EnsTren: "Yes, that's why I don't hold it against him, him loving your yami."
Edmondia: "So why does it upset you?"
EnsTren: "Because now I have nothing that is only mine."
EnsTren: "Mokuba is his own person, even if he is my little brother."
EnsTren: "I don't have the win anymore because of you."
EnsTren: "I don't even have myself because of him."
Edmondia: "Who has you?"
EnsTren: "Mokuba does, because I let him. But Seth has me even if I don't want him too."
EnsTren: "Nothing is only mine, not even my soul, not my art, not my work."
EnsTren: "Not even the blue eyes..."
Edmondia: "You share."
EnsTren: BUT NOT BY CHOICE!
EnsTren: And he trembled.
Edmondia: "Did we steal you from yourself?"
EnsTren: What else do you call putting someone's soul in a card? And Even when I had myself back HE came.
Edmondia: "...don't you want him to have you?"
EnsTren: "Not unless I can have something of my own."
EnsTren: HIs eyes burned again, he thought he was all out of tears but they still ached to be shed.
Edmondia: "He's yours. He'll give you anything you ask of him."
EnsTren: "It wouldn't be fair though. I have Mokuba, I won't take his Mokuba from him."
Edmondia: Yugi bit his lip. "But he would do it to make you happy."
EnsTren: It wouldn't be fair, even if nothing else is fair I should be.
EnsTren: "Even if there's no laws it doesn't make ti right to kill people."
Edmondia: "And so they damn themselves for our sake."
EnsTren: "It was an example."
Edmondia: "It's the truth," he replied softly, "He will kill us for you."
Edmondia: ((ah, it's called Stoicshipping!))
EnsTren: "He won't, he can't." He gave him a sour smile. "You're the best, remember?" He showed quite a bit of teeth, almost a snarl.
EnsTren: ((ATemu/Seth?))
EnsTren: ((I like Nobleshipping better))
Edmondia: ((no, Seto/Seth))
EnsTren: ((oh))
Edmondia: Yugi looked back at him calmly. "He and my yami would probably kill each other trying."
EnsTren: "...I almost wish that upon you."
Edmondia: "Why?"
EnsTren: "Misery Loves Company. And it might just be fair. And then I'd have myself back."
Edmondia: "I wouldn't be company for very long."
EnsTren: (wha?)
EnsTren: (oh)
EnsTren: "I could keep you from killing yourself, from dying. They have ways of that, and I'm sure your Jiichan wouldn't protest me paying all the medical bills to keep you alive."
EnsTren: "No one wants to see their family die."
EnsTren: (oddly I'm getting...resentment vibes from seto, but to Mokuba)
Edmondia: (wha?)
EnsTren: (seto resenting Mokuba in small ways)
Edmondia: Yugi smiled, small and tight and dangerous. "No, Seto, I don't think you could."
Edmondia: (why?)
EnsTren: (took his mother away, kept him from being adopted by nice people)
EnsTren: (yes it was his choice)
EnsTren: (but bits of resentment)
EnsTren: (what a first child feels for a second child kinda)
EnsTren: (but diffrent reasons)
Edmondia: (wouldn't know, am the baby)
EnsTren: (ah)
EnsTren: "Didn't I say almost?"
Edmondia: "Would you really want to be without him?"
EnsTren: "...Maybe."
Edmondia: "...you know he'll kill himself to make you happy."
EnsTren: "He's already dead, and his soul would still exist."
Edmondia: "Not if he convinces my yami to kill him."
EnsTren: "It wouldn't make me happy."
Edmondia: "Then he won't."
EnsTren: "But...I want something to be mine again...And...Someone deserves to suffer as much as I do!" And he beat his fist on the desk.
Edmondia: "Who?"
EnsTren: "You, him, someone!"
Edmondia: "Tell him what to do and he'll do it."
EnsTren: "Can he do to someone what has been done to me? And make them feel this agony when they touch their soul mate?"
EnsTren: "Can he take away their very self? Even when your yami destorys a soul it's still their soul!"
Edmondia: "You're still you, Seto."
EnsTren: "But my soul is his."
Edmondia: "As his is yours."
EnsTren: "But also your yami's."
Edmondia: "Then tell him to give him up."
EnsTren: "I can't give up Mokuba. It wouldn't be fair."
EnsTren: "He has a whole universe of people, You and me and Atemu and mokuba and Katsuya."
EnsTren: "But he's my sky and Mokuba's my ground and that's all I really have."
Edmondia: "Have you told him?"
EnsTren: "No, it would upset him, and don't you tell him either, I'll sell the deed to the gameshop."
Edmondia: "Do you know why he wants to be around so many people?"
EnsTren: "Because I don't want to be."
Edmondia: "Because he's never had the chance to have friends before."
EnsTren: "So I won't stop him, he deserves to be happy."
EnsTren: And he mentally makes plans to let him take over the body for longer terms, perhaps just after school so he can walk home with Yugi and his friends.
Edmondia: "It's not because he doesn't want to be with you."
EnsTren: "He just want to be with others, to share himself."
EnsTren: With others besides me.
Edmondia: "And you're jealous."
EnsTren: "Don't I have the right to be?"
Edmondia: "Of course you do. I'm the same way."
EnsTren: "But you share who he shares himself with, and you have what's yours alone."
Edmondia: Yugi's lips curled. "Do I?"
EnsTren: "I don't know everything about you but Anzu, the mutt, Jou, the let down, and my yami."
Edmondia: "You could have us, too."
EnsTren: "..."
EnsTren: "Kiss me again."
Edmondia: Yugi blinked at him for a moment, then shrugged, leaned forward, and kissed him.
EnsTren: He trembled and was ashen pale and cold, far too cold, yet he kissed back as if starved yet still it was sweet. But he did not cry.
Edmondia: Yugi drew away a few moments later, hands on his shoulders, puzzlement in his eyes.
EnsTren: His eyes were closed and he slowly opened his mouth, lips sticking together slightly. His voice was quiet and strangled, "I can...almost taste what I...should have been," and a singles tear rested on his cheek.
Edmondia: Yugi brushed it away with a careful hand, sorrow in his eyes.
EnsTren: His faced contorted and he leaned forward to rest his forehead on Yugi's chest, a single ugly sob, suckignn in air as his throat tightened up. "I want it."
Edmondia: "Give yourself time," Yugi murmured, rubbing his back soothingly, "Give yourself time to heal..."
EnsTren: He tried to breath, tried to hold it all in but the tears still squeased out.
Edmondia: "It's all right, you can cry," Yugi whispered, "Gods know you deserve that right."
EnsTren: It's weak.
Edmondia: "But it doesn't hurt anyone, and it makes you feel better. I don't think any less of you because of it."
EnsTren: Too much light and pain and too many tears trying to get out--it should be too much for his will.
EnsTren: But it seems as if even his tears were stolen from him.
Edmondia: Yugi held him close and rubbed gentle circles into his back. "It's okay... everything's all right..."
EnsTren: His voice was funny, high and harsh and almost squeaking, "It's not!"
Edmondia: Yugi squeezed him gently. "It will be."
EnsTren: I can't cry, I've cried too much already.
Edmondia: "It doesn't matter."
EnsTren: I can't be weak
Edmondia: "You can be among friends."
EnsTren: I don't have friends.
Edmondia: "You have us."
EnsTren: I don't.
Edmondia: "You do."
EnsTren: I don't deserve to cry, I must not cry, I won't cry.
EnsTren: And he repeated that in his mind, tencing and holding Yugi tight as he tried so hard to push it back.
Edmondia: "You do, you may, you can. Tears don't make you weak."
EnsTren: I won't cry, it's weak, it shows that you are weak which is weak.
EnsTren: I will control myself!
Edmondia: "You don't have to be in control all the time, Seto."
EnsTren: I must! Mokuba was kidnapped last time I wasn't in control!
Edmondia: "I'm not going to kidnap Mokuba, Seto."
EnsTren: ...He likes you too, he trusts you...
EnsTren: And the admission made it more true, unable to deny it any longer, no in the face of revealing light.
EnsTren: Something crumbled inside.
Edmondia: Yugi squeezed him again, purring softly in the back of his throat, a soft, soothing sound, intended to calm and quiet, even if he wasn't consciously aware of it.
EnsTren: (I made myself cry a bit earlier typing this with you, just thought you might want to know)
Edmondia: (aww... *huggle*)
Edmondia: (I almost started crying yesterday)
EnsTren: He was so broken inside, shattered and things crumbling all around inside him.
EnsTren: (because of rp or what?)
Edmondia: (because of rp)
EnsTren: (ah)
EnsTren: (is good sign, means heart wrenching writing)
Edmondia: "It's all right, Seto... you're safe here, nobody's going to hurt you, nobody wants to take him away from you..."
EnsTren: This hurts.
Edmondia: "I know it hurts, but it's all right to hurt here..."
EnsTren: Have to be strong.
Edmondia: "Not right now, you don't."
EnsTren: Always.
Edmondia: "Not always."
EnsTren: He was silent then, breathing a deep breath loudly and pressing his face to Yugi's chest, unable to spare concentration to think when it was only making things worse. He had to control himself, even with all this greif.
Edmondia: Yugi continued to rub his back, cradling him carefully, keeping his own breath even and slow. "You're okay, Seto..." he said softly, "It's okay."
EnsTren: Please don't make me cry.
Edmondia: "I don't mean to make you cry, Seto. I'm sorry if I do."
EnsTren: He was very tence, barely even able to breath his throat was sized up, control control control.
EnsTren: Pleasepleaseplease.
Edmondia: Yugi laid gentle fingers against his neck, shifting so their bangs brushed. "I don't mean to hurt you, Seto. I'm sorry if I, or if my yami, have hurt you."
EnsTren: Deep inside of him something whispered that he deserved to be hurt--and he believed it.
Edmondia: "I want you to be happy, Seto."
EnsTren: He didn't deserve it.
Edmondia: "Yes you do."
EnsTren: NO. ...You've prooven that enough times already.
EnsTren: (Random: I think seto gave Jiichan the last card needed for his anchient dragon combo)
Edmondia: (oh?)
Edmondia: "You deserve to be happy, Seto."
EnsTren: (think about it, he's in the grand prix, seto owes him for rippign up the card and the heart attack)
EnsTren: (and he got the "legendary duelist" thing)
EnsTren: (title)
EnsTren: No.
EnsTren: No.
Edmondia: "You do."
Edmondia: (well, he was pretty damn well-known back in teh day)
EnsTren: (yes, notice he has a card named after him)
EnsTren: (Legendary gambler, it LOOKS like him)
Edmondia: (he was hott)
EnsTren: (weirdly yes)
Edmondia: (yes, weirdly. and studly.)
EnsTren: (better shoulders than yugi and atemu)
Edmondia: (hanging for hours one-handed over a gaping chasm with a bullet in one's shoulder is not healthy)
EnsTren: (heh)
EnsTren: (anyways, I think seto got him into the damn tourniment without using his name and gave him the last card)
EnsTren: His walls were built to weather vicious attacks, from within as well as without. But this gentleness washing over him, like a river, cut though him slowly.
EnsTren: And though he cursed and damned both of them, he cried.
Edmondia: Yugi held him tenderly, stroking his hair and rubbing his back, and all the while he whispered gently that he deserved his happiness.
EnsTren: And he felt even if he cried for a hundred years he would not shed all the tears that needed to be shed.
Edmondia: "It's all right... cry for as long as you want to. It's all right..."
EnsTren: No it isn't.
Edmondia: "Yes it is."
Edmondia: Yugi's hands were very soft and very sure as they slid over his shirt and through his hair. "It's all right... I promise."
EnsTren: How broken was he?
Edmondia: "Nothing beyond healing, Seto. Nothing beyond healing."
EnsTren: Shattered.
Edmondia: "Everything can be saved, Seto. Everything."
EnsTren: He couldn't stop crying.
Edmondia: His breath was soft against his ear. "Let it out, Seto, just let it out... it's all right."
EnsTren: He wanted kisses, he wanted dark kisses that didn't hurt and he wanted light kisses because he didn't have light in him.
Edmondia: Was he being greedy again?
EnsTren: He shouldn't be greedy.
Edmondia: Yugi held him and hummed softly behind his teeth and petted his hair.
EnsTren: He pressed kisses to his cheek and cried and held and held and ached.
Edmondia: Yugi squeezed him and stroked slim fingers down his spine and hummed an Egyptian lullabye.
EnsTren: When's the last time he had a lullabye?
Edmondia: He didn't know.
EnsTren: He didn't remember.
Edmondia: He'd sung them to Mokuba, once, before, in the orphanage, again when they'd been adopted, but...
EnsTren: Gozaburo made him stop and then...he just didn't do it anymore.
EnsTren: He kissed Yugi again, kissed that bright white hurting light that he so wanted, that should be in him but he couldn't feel despite what they said. And he realized something
EnsTren: He wanted to be Yugi.
EnsTren: He wanted to be that bright white blinding light. He wanted to be the best and most important. He wanted to be irreplaceable. He wanted to have a family that cared and didn't abandon him. He wanted to have that perfect relationship with his Yami.
EnsTren: He wanted...to be happy.
Edmondia: Yugi gently pulled away, looking into his eyes, a soft, sad smile on his lips. "You have to find your own happiness, Seto. I can't give it to you..."
EnsTren: If he was him he'd be happy
Edmondia: "But if you were me, you wouldn't have Mokuba."
EnsTren: And he sobbed for guilt at his sin of selfishness and greed.
EnsTren: If Mokuba didn't exist he'd still have his mother, maybe even his father. Or he could have been adopted by a nice normal family. And while he wouldn't have been Yugi he would have been happy.
Edmondia: "You can be happy now," Yugi whispered, "You can be happy with what you have."
EnsTren: He didn't.
Edmondia: "You have a brother who worships you, a yami who adores you, and friends who love you."
EnsTren: He wept.
Edmondia: "You're not alone, Seto," Yugi whispered, caressing his hair, "It's all right..."
EnsTren: Who the hell is with me!? Who the hell has to deal with this? Who the hell is like me?
Edmondia: "I'm with you right now, aren't I?"
Edmondia: "And your yami will never leave you."
Edmondia: "We might not be like you, but we love you enough to stay."
EnsTren: I'm alone.
Edmondia: Yugi squeezed him. "Then who is holding you?"
EnsTren: You're not like me, you're not mine.
EnsTren: And he suddenly tried to push him away, but it was light, he didn't want to trespass.
Edmondia: Yugi wouldn't have allowed it, anyway. "I could be, Seto. You're mine already, but friendships go both ways."
EnsTren: "I don't have friends," he said in a reedy whisper in a lull between bouts of weakness.
Edmondia: "You might not admit it, but you do." And he squeezed him again, gently, reassuringly.
EnsTren: Seto kissed him, tried to taste that light on the tip of his tongue, tears the whole way.
Edmondia: Yugi allowed it, not saying a word, not pushing him away.
EnsTren: There was sweetness and light, just on the tip of his tongue he could barely taste it, barely have it, even though he wraped his arms low around him and pulled him close.
EnsTren: He tried to pretend he could taste it.
Edmondia: Yugi sighed, softly, unhappily, and gently parted his lips.
EnsTren: Seto suddenly stopped and just started crying all over again without even bothering to pull back.
EnsTren: Goaway.
Edmondia: "No." The word was mumbled against his mouth. "I'm not leaving you here alone."
EnsTren: Goawaygoawaygoaway
EnsTren: He couldn't pretend anymore, not with Yugi.
EnsTren: He couldn't even think he might have tasted it.
Edmondia: "No."
EnsTren: He pulled his hands from around Yugi where they had rested almost lovingly and wraped around himself as a physical representation of the bonds he imposed.
EnsTren: And he cried as he retreated inwards, one hand on his soul room door, the only thing keeping him out is not wanting to hear the monster whisper.
Edmondia: Pretty light...?
EnsTren: Cool, cold, it washed over him and he shivered.
Edmondia: ...do you want me to go away?
EnsTren: I want...light. But I can't pretend anymore. And I want dark...come here.
EnsTren: Make him go away, you let me pretend.
EnsTren: You...like me.
EnsTren: You let me.
EnsTren: Please.
EnsTren: And he sobbed again.
Edmondia: Pretty light...?
EnsTren: I don't want to listen to either of them, I want it to all go away.
Edmondia: A few moments passed in silence, then those bright eyes were staring at him, worry in their depths, gentle hands reaching imploringly for him. Pretty light...?
EnsTren: Hurtssomuch.
Edmondia: Seth pulled his hands back as though burnt.
EnsTren: I just wanted to pretend.
Edmondia: Pretend what, pretty light?
EnsTren: Pretend I had light, that I could, taste it, even a little.
EnsTren: Pretened that I was good and pure and things were right.
EnsTren: I tried to but he doesn't like me, doesn't like it so I can't pretend anymore.
EnsTren: Make him go away please, it hurtssomuch.
Edmondia: He does like you, pretty light, he does like you, but you confused him.
EnsTren: He didn't like it, I can't pretend and if I go into my room I have to listen to him, it hurts and I want it all to go away.
EnsTren: Make him go away pleaseyami!
Edmondia: Make who go away?
EnsTren: Yugi.
Edmondia: I sent him away, pretty light, I gave him to Atemu. He's very worried about you, ankh, and he told me to tell you he still loves you.
EnsTren: He dared peek outside himself, so afraid. No he doesn't. No one loves me but you and Mokuba.
EnsTren: Kissme, let me pretend it's okay. Let me pretend that I'm a good and pure and right hikari and that it doesn't hurt at all.
EnsTren: Please.
Edmondia: Seth stared at him through worried eyes. He loves you. You are good and pure and right and I love you.
EnsTren: He doesn't I'm not.
Edmondia: He does you are.
EnsTren: Kiss me. Let me pretend.
Edmondia: He pulled him close, wrapped his arms around him. Promise me you'll talk to him later?
EnsTren: No. Kissme.
Edmondia: Promise me.
EnsTren: No. Kiss me.
EnsTren: Please I need it, I need to pretend.
Edmondia: ...we will talk on this later, pretty light.
Edmondia: And he kissed him.
EnsTren: And he leaned into it, there's teeth clicking against each other. It hurt so much but he pretened, he gripped it and held it and pretened.
EnsTren: In his mind he made all the pain pleasure. He made all the fire into comfort and all the cold into balm. He made himself perfect.
EnsTren: He pretened that he, they won, made it so; and that he was full of light and purity and there was nothing wrong. He made everything perfect.
EnsTren: And he clutched it to his heart--because it was his comfort, his balm.
Edmondia: Seth clung to him and tried to hide his worry.
EnsTren: And in the face of Yugi, the rejection, that he couldn't pretend...It wasn't enough.
EnsTren: And he cried and sobbed even as he pretened and remaid reality in his mind.
Edmondia: Seth whispered to him and worried for him and pressed kisses into his mouth.
EnsTren: And Seto kissed him until he pushed him away unable to pretened anymore, having even that stolen from him.
EnsTren: Love you. And then he ran away, ran and ran trying to capture his imaginings back, hiding in the room he made specially for pretending for them.
EnsTren: In the past he would have been pure. In the past there would be no betrayls and no deaths. In the past there wouldn't have been a Yugi.
EnsTren: So he stayed, hiding his cloaths and curling up under the sheets and pretened.
EnsTren: Pretended he was good and pure and right and everything he should be. Pretened there was no Yugi to steal away what he needed. Pretened they were both happy and he was waiting for what would be welcome.
EnsTren: Pretened that he didn't almost know what light was supposed to taste like.
Edmondia: Seth lingered outside his doorway, cheek pressed to the cool metal, longing to go inside.
EnsTren: He pretened until he fell asleep.
Edmondia: Seth pressed a kiss against his doorway and went about the business of cleaning them up.
EnsTren: Seto's face was red and tear stained and he was unhappy even in his sleep as reality and nightmares tried to invade the ultimate pretending of dreams.
Edmondia: Seth did his best not to cry.
EnsTren: His hikari's final, perhaps only, refuge had taken a huge blow.
Edmondia: But it would be all right.
Edmondia: It had to be all right.
EnsTren: Even if for two days he refused to work, refused to leave the room and spoke only in egyptian.
EnsTren: And in his mind.
Edmondia: I love you, he whispered to the softness in the shadows.
EnsTren: I love you my High preist.

He lived a fantasy for a little while, to capture it back to himself, and made sure he could hold onto it, call it up whenever he needed or wanted to.
Edmondia: Seth worried and fretted but never said a word.
EnsTren: He played the game.
EnsTren: Until one day his hikari smiled wanly, but it was a smile, and went to work on his laptop.
Edmondia: And he did his best not to tackle him and smother him with kisses.
EnsTren: The next day he moved out of the egypt room and back out, wearing his normal cloaths and working again
Edmondia: Seth quietly wondered what would happen when he returned to school again.
EnsTren: Apprently he flat out refused to go or otherwise do anything that would bring him into contact with Yugi.
EnsTren: He was getting less sleep because of it, though he went to school he rarely studied, instead using it to fill spare time and nap. Without it he did not nap.
Edmondia: He did not like the distance.
Edmondia: (uh... warning you now, I think Yugi's gonna kiss him again)
EnsTren: (I don't mind!)
EnsTren: (seto was upset because yugi didn't like it. And if yugi didn't like it he couldn't pretend right)
EnsTren: (well he could so long as he didn't pick up on yugi not liking it)
EnsTren: (and I need sleep, I made my self cry again.)
Edmondia: (go sleep, *huggles*, and he'll apologize. and kiss him. d'oh.)
EnsTren: (heh)
Edmondia: (darn you yugi! you and your niceness!)
EnsTren: (I think it's cause I'm listening to 1000 words)
Edmondia: (ah)
EnsTren: (and it's heart wrenching)
EnsTren is away at 12:51:15 AM.