Disclaimer: *giggle* Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
AN: *snicker*
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Tending the game shop at half-past six on a Friday night sucked.
It reeeeeeeeeeeeally sucked.
Yugi Motou was bored. Dreadfully bored. Painfully bored. He'd already played darts with Kaiba's picture three times (And Yami said he wasn't petty. Hah.), taken over the world twice while playing "Civilization" online, and shuffled his deck so many times some of the monsters were looking a bit motion sick.
Bored, bored, bored!
There was absolutely nothing to do.
//Aibou! HELP ME!//
Scratch that last thought.
/Eh? Yami? What's the matter?/
//...I'm being stalked by a horde of women. Make them go away?//
/Where are you?/
//Walking back from the store! You told me to buy more sugary breakfast cereals, remember?//
/And... *giggle* You're being stalked?/
//YES!//
Stalked? His yami? Gosh, what a concept. Yugi didn't even bother hiding his amusement. /Ne, Yami-chan, remember what you're wearing?/
A mental blink. //Clothing, aibou.//
/Skintight black leather pants, boots, a sleeveless fishnet shirt, two belts, a chain, the Puzzle, two wrist buckles, two silver armbands, three rings, a neck buckle, and earrings?/
He could almost feel Yami giving himself a mental rundown. //...your point?//
He snorted. /You look like a goth stripper, Yami-chan./
//...//
/But that's all right,/ he purred, /I like you like that./
The pharaoh sounded distinctly sulky when he replied. //You should, aibou, you're wearing the same thing.//
/Yeah, but I don't look quite as... I dunno, "Fangirls! Your god is here!" as you do./
A long pause, then a pouty reply. //...I don't...//
Yugi rolled his eyes. Suuuuuuuuuuure. /Yami, have you got any idea how much you flaunt yourself?/ Heh. Not that I mind...
Sudden shock ripped down his spine.
//...!!!! AIBOUUUUUUUU!!!!//
/NANI?!/
He'd never heard so much horror in his yami's voice before. //ONE OF THEM JUST PINCHED MY ASS! HELP!//
WHAT THE FUCK?! /WHAT?! THAT ASS IS MINE! WHERE ARE YOU?!/
//...a block away. Can I kill them? Please?//
/...no. I have a better idea./
Whimper. //Aibou... hurry... I think I see fangs...//
Yugi was already up and running out the door.
* * *
Why wouldn't they go away?
Yami no Yugi increased the speed of his dignified walk to something more akin to a dignified shuffling jog.
Get away, get away, get away...
The giggling squeals behind him grew louder, pink-slathered nails clawing for his derriere. He shuddered in horror and pressed on. A living god did NOT whine for his mommy. Whining for his bedmate, however, was a different matter.
//Aibou... where are you?//
/Yami-chan? Don't move!/
He screeched to a very dignified stop - which was a good thing, otherwise he would have tumbled to the ground in a very undignified fashion, with a very undignified person sprawled atop him.
The masses swarmed forward in a cloud of cheap perfume - and screeched to a halt, thickly-mascaraed lashes wide, lip-glossed mouths open in shock.
Yugi Motou smiled prettily at them, delicate hands fisted in his yami's thick crimson-edged ebony hair, long lashes drooping alluringly over shimmering violet eyes, one leather-clad leg wrapped firmly around slender hips.
"So, girls... I see you found what I was missing?"
He brushed his lips deliberately against his yami's jaw, whispering a silent encouragement to the darkling, who, though he felt remarkably silly, nevertheless murmured loud enough for the gaggle of goggling girls to hear, "Sweet hikari, how could I ever lose you?"
Groans of disappointment rang through the air. From the back of the crowd, a young girl shoved her way through the throng, whipping out a notebook as she came and flashing the world a devastating grin.
A hint of a giggle in his voice was all Yugi let slip from the charade. "Oh, darling! How can you be so gentle with me?"
In the crowd, someone clasped her hands to her chest, a soft flush covering her features. Notebook-girl grinned in a slightly more deranged fashion and whipped out her pencils.
A lewd grin flickered across his face, one slender hand slipping down his spine only to settle possessively in his back pocket. "Hikari..." he breathed huskily, "How could I do anything but? You saved my soul and dragged me out of darkness... a darkness harsh and cruel that had no end until I first saw the scintillating brilliance of your eyes..."
Someone swooned.
Yugi's lashes fluttered outrageously as he stifled hysterics. "My dark pharaoh... you came out of the night like a thief and stole my heart away..."
The edge of Yami's lips twitched madly, his crimson eyes lighting with a mischievous glow. "Such beauty as yours - the moment I saw you, I knew I must make you mine!"
Yugi was suddenly struck with an awful, terrible, brilliant idea. He swallowed a chuckle and clasped a pale hand to his heart, drawing away from the comfortable grasp of his yami. "Alas!"
Yami blinked rapidly, but kept up his part, extending a shocked hand after his lover. "My love? What cruel fate has befallen us now?"
The hand drifted from Yugi's chest to lay dramatically across his forehead. "Alas! Our time together has been all for naught! For my 'jii-chan - ER! My cruel stepfather has declared that I must wed... er... Anzu! On the morrow!"
And he struck a dramatic pose, clasping his wandering hand over his eyes, face lifted in supplication to the uncaring moon.
Yami choked.
Soft, horrified gasps floated through the calm night.
"'Tis true! Stepfather bade me wed her 'ere I left to find you! He will kill me if I do not!" And he gave a dramatic sniffle.
Yami, after his moment of stupification, dashed forward, laying a gentle hand on his hikari's slim shoulder. "No! My love, you cannot! I will not allow it!"
Sniffle. "That's so sweet..."
Yugi blinked hard, trying to get his eyes to water. When they were suitably shiny, he lifted his head up, turning to meet his yami's gaze. "But darling! I must!"
"Aww..."
A wicked grin crossed Yami's lips for a split second, before he spun, striking a familiar pose. "By yonder blessed moon I swear that no man... or woman... shall lay a hand on my beloved!"
"Yeah! You go girl! ...er! Guy! Yeah! Lay that smack down!"
Yugi just barely choked down a giddy laugh. "Oh, darling!" he laid a careful hand on his yami's shoulder, lifting the other to trace the soft curve of his cheek, "To claim such a thing...! Surely you would not fight my father?"
"Yeah! Kick his damn ass!"
"Icey!"
"What?!"
Yami turned his head slightly, scootching closer to his hikari, settling his cheek fully into the palm of Yugi's hand. "By my life or his, you shall not be wed on the morrow, I swear it!"
"Yeah! That's the spirit!"
"Fight! Fight! Fight!"
"True love lives!"
Yugi was now trembling with the force of his suppressed laughter. "Oh, my love!"
And he flung himself into Yami's arms, laughing hysterically. With a slightly deranged snicker, Yami buried his face in his hair, giggling madly.
"Aww!"
"Kawaii!"
A sniffle. "That's so beautiful..."
"I wish my boyfriend were that sweet."
"Love!" A sob. "I wish I had someone to love!"
"They're having a moment! Shush!"
"We should leave them alone... they need to be alone."
"...let's find the father and kill him!"
"Yeah!"
"Get the bastard!"
And they were gone as quickly as they had come.
Yugi pulled his nose out of his yami's shoulder, wincing at his bright red probiscus. Yami was still chuckling quietly, nuzzling his hair affectionately.
"So," Yugi giggled, poking his yami in the chest, "We've just sent a horde of rabid girls out after my nonexistant stepfather's blood. And you say I'm not cruel and sadistic. God help the man they pick out for their innocent victim."
And he smiled, angelic and beautiful as sin.
Yami, for the first time in his life or death, threw back his head and laughed so hard his sides hurt.
Beneath his guffawing, no one could hear the notebook girl's delighted cackling as she signed her sketch, putting a decided flourish on the end of the 'i'.
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-The End-
AN: *giggle*