Our waitresses can't wait to serve you (this isn't a waitress country club you know!)

BEVERAGES

"Faye's self-heating coffee"
 What a remarkable beverage this is! Every time we see Faye she has a pot of coffee in her hand. It is amazing that she carries that pot of coffee around all day without ever putting it back on the warmer, and yet it is always hot and ready to serve to all the cops in Salem.

Kate's Brand X Champagne
(cheap, but a well dressed bottle; bubbles will do anything to get to the top; bitter after-taste; and comes with an annoying headache later that never seems to go away)

BREAKFAST SPECIALS

 KATE'S FAVORITE
Sami-side-up Eggs with Italian sausage.
(Kate likes these eggs either fried or scrambled).

John Black "that's a fact" pancake stack

HATTIE'S Chocolate Eclairs
 A favorite of our former waitress.

LUNCH SPECIALS

 BLUE PLATE SPECIAL
Chicken Fried Steak
(a favorite of our Police Chief)

Mimi's Homeless Home Fries
You order them out of sheer pity that no one else will order them.

Kate's crunchy burgers
These tasty burgers have been burnt more than once, but still zesty!

The "Sami" Special
4 slices of BALONEY with sweet/sour sauce, hot mustard, horseradish.

BRADY'S BLT NIRVANA
This BLT is built to Master Black's specifications. Toasted whole wheat bread with crisp lettuce and bacon with ripe tomatoes. Served with coleslaw for the perfect BLT experience.

Roman's "WHAT DA HELL is this?" Daily Special
Consists of whatever the daily special was yesterday that no one ordered.

Philip's Sloppy Joe Sandwich
A huge dollop of sweet 'n spicy sloppy joe on a toasted bun. It's hard to hold onto without falling apart, extremely messy and frustrating, and yet the RICH, tangy sauce has a sweetness that brings you back for more. Served with either the diner's famous greasy fries! (not from the dumpster!) or Mimi's Homeless Fries.

Hattie Rhinoburger
50% less fat, comes w/Dr. Steiner's business card

OUR CHILI SPECIALS

Abe's Rapid Fire Chili
(one bite and you won't be able to stand up straight!)

John Black's Eye brow raising Chili
a rare taste explosition of culinary clashes

DESSERTS

Kate's Apple Turnover-My-Grandson
(served in a black cup w/ice cream and "unroasted peanuts")

Kate Knishes
Available only at the Hudson Street Diner Liberally seasoned with bile and garnished with greed, and guaranteed to get you from the gutter to the penthouse in one gulp. Each knish costs $25 million, payable in cash or to a Swiss numbered account.

Philip's "Fill You Up But Not Out" Upside Down Cake
(low in calories and full of air...for those dieting who are concerned about looks, and have their priorities in the wrong order)

Kate Roberts' Humble Pie
served by its namesake

Nicole's (notorious) Butter Tart
need we say more?

Mrs. H's traditional donuts
- classic and sweet

Main Menu Page
Early Edition