He loves the NBA. He loves Memphis. He even loves the T.G.I. Friday's across from AutoZone Park where he eats out all the time.
      He does have one complaint, though.
      "I think people here hide their feelings," he said. "They're always happy.
      "Nobody is always happy. I got my periods: happy periods, sad periods, mad periods. All kinds of periods.
      "Here, everyone is always smiling. It's 'Excuse me this' and 'Excuse me that.' That's 60 percent fake, isn't it?"

-- There are few things funnier about this Iraqi debate than when a U.S. television network relays that "normal people" in Baghdad think Saddam is brilliant and the Americans are lying and are bullies.

-- Then again, columnists in the U.S. try the same approach. The New York Times' Thomas Friedman, personally decides that the polls showing Americans support ousting Saddam because of personal discussions with normal Americans: "I've had a chance to travel all across the country since September, and I can say without hesitation there was not a single audience I spoke to where I felt there was a majority in favor of war in Iraq. . . . I don't care what the polls say, this is the real mood."
      Uh-huh. And based on talking with common folks here in the heartland, we've decided that instead of taking out Saddam, Bush needs to focus on eliminating the New York Yankees. We must be right, because almost everyone I've talked to agrees.

-- Here's something the antiwar hippies can sink their teeth into: Saddam loves you! In an interview with Tony Benn, a pro-Saddam politician from England, Saddam said, "First of all we admire the development of the peace movement around the world in the last few years. We pray to God to empower all those working against war and for the cause of peace and security based on just peace for all."

-- Speaking of the hippie antiwar types, it's a good thing they're not in the military, after all. The Hill amusingly reports on Pres. Bush's visit to Grand Rapids, Mich., last week to talk health reform. Seems a snowball war broke out between pro- and anti- Bush demonstrators. Of the melee, outnumbered Bush supporters routed their opponents, according to one participant, by using “better target selection and superior firepower."

-- I'm one of the few fans of Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football, but his support for ousting Saddam has surpassed any of his work in terms of hilarity and clarity.
      On MSNBC's Hardball with Chris Matthews last week, Miller directed comments to pro-abortion forces of the upcoming conflict, to "not think of this as a war, but just think that we've chosen to abort Hussein."
      Of former Pres. Clinton, Miller quipped: "Clinton's the sort of guy who'll always volunteer to help you move, then when you've got four of ya picking up the sofa, he's the one who'll fake lifting."
      A couple of nights earlier, Miller was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, ridiculing the frogs: "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq....The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies."
Posted 02/06/03, 4:40 a.m.

    From the Late Show with David Letterman, as announced by ten crew members on the USS John C. Stennis aircraft carrier in San Diego, the “Top Ten Cool Things About Living on an Aircraft Carrier":
      10. It combines all the excitement of going on a cruise with the fun of living at the airport (Nuclear Machinist's Mate First Class Billy Eatmon)
      9. There's no more pleasant wake-up call than the roar of an F-18 Super Hornet (Operations Specialist Sherona Peterson)
      8. On weekends we turn the deck into the world's largest roller disco (Mess Management Specialist Anthony Sacro)
      7. Feel like lasagna? Send a pilot to Italy for takeout (Dental Technician First Class Pete Espinoza)
      6. When everyone's asleep, you can climb in one of the planes and pretend you're Tom Cruise (Aviation Ordnanceman First Class Matt Wright)
      5. Who else gets to describe their home as "Nimitz-class"? (Personelman Third Class Shelly Glascoe)
      4. The weekly shuffleboard tournaments (Information Systems Technician Third Class Taquann McKinney)
      3. All-you-can-drink jet fuel (Hull Technician Second Class Joshua Chelnick)
      2. If you ever have an aircraft that needs carrying, you're in luck (Photographer's Mate Second Class Bryan Dunn)
      1. You can get both seasick and airsick at the same time (Boatswain's Mate Third Class Leanne Connelly)
Posted 02/06/03, 4:25 a.m.

    Democrats and numerous media reports describe the expected $300 billion deficits as a “record” size, but as Media Research Center analyst Patrick Gregory caught, on Monday's Fox Report, FNC's Major Garrett pointed that “today's deficits are smaller as a percentage of the entire U.S. economy than the startlingly high deficits of 1992 and 1983, as these numbers clearly indicate." An on-screen table related how the expected 2004 deficit would be 2.7 percent of GDP while the 1992 one consumed 4.7 percent of GDP and the 1983 deficit ate up 6 percent of GDP.
Posted 02/06/03, 4:23 a.m.

    I don't know how many of you watched the hour-and-a-half presentation of Colin Powell at the U.N. Security Council on Wednesday. Powell, who has been trying to find a way to prevent war with Iraq for two years now, finally succombed to the evidence and laid the smack down. The main thrust was that Saddam is the very definition of the phrase "material breach," but specifically the key points included:
      -- Followers of a senior associate of Osama bin Laden are currently in Baghdad with the approval of Saddam.
      -- Iraq "bulldozed and graded to conceal chemical weapons evidence" at the Al Musayyib chemical complex in 2002.
      -- Iraq is working on developing missiles with a range of 620 miles or more.
      -- Iraqi military officers discussed hiding prohibited vehicles from weapons inspectors and removing a reference to nerve agents from written instructions.
      -- Iraqis are dispersing rockets armed with biological weapons in western Iraq.
      -- Four bunkers have active chemical munitions inside.
      -- Iraq has 18 trucks that it uses as mobile biological weapons labs.

Jonah Goldberg, National Review Online:
      "Beyond all of the obvious points about the power of his argument, I thought the impression of his argument may have been more important and influential. When you watch the Secretary of State run through the phone intercepts, the satellite photos etc. you get the sense that the United States is one serious country. We take our work seriously and we know what we're talking about. The look on the Pakistani ambassador's face seemed to say, 'Dang! I wonder if their satellites have the goods on us too?'"

Meanwhile, Nelson Mandela is becoming more and more irrelevant. Last week he said the U.S. was the greatest threat to world peace and claimed Bush and Britain's Tony Blair were racist for disagreeing with U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan. Today he no doubt thinks Powell is a sell-out to his race and a stooge for Bush, and said as much, that he would listen only to the U.N. inspectors and not the U.S. because we won't reveal our intelligence sources to the world (although when you see the pictures and hear the voice recordings, I think it's pretty obvious we're spying on the Iraqis through satellites and phone conversations).
Posted 02/06/03, 4:06 a.m.

      #68: White House Office of National Drug Control Policy — Pregnant teen and parents

      "Teen use of marijuana may impair judgment, but it doesn't make you pregnant ... Creators of ad have impaired thinking."
      "I think this is a scare tactic, and that the government wants to blame something for unplanned pregnancies, since of course they won't blame their abstinence-only education."
      "Abortion is an option that is not acknowledged. Suggests that marijuana is the only reason teens get pregnant. No effort to promote safe sex, which is really the problem."

Looks like Mandela could find a place at Chris Matthew's table on Hardball.
      Speaking with Democratic strategist Donna Brazille, Matthews played a clip of Bush noting how many terrorists have been arrested, but "many others have met a different fate. Put it this way, they are no longer a problem to the United States and our friends and allies." Matthews scolded Bush for that kind of language: "I’m afraid that’s the President at his least attractive. That kind of, I don’t know, college fraternity master."
      When guest Donna Brazile countered that "that’s probably the part of the President...that I really like," Matthews retorted: "You like the sadistic murderer?"
Posted 01/31/03, 2:40 a.m.

    Bad week for the French, founding members (with Germany) of the Axis of Weasels. First, they're left in the cold as eight European nations signed a London Times missive supporting the U.S.
      Today, SANA, Syria's official "news" agency, reported that "Syrian President Bashar Assad received a telephone call from his French counterpart, Jacques Chirac, in which the agency said they sought ways to 'coordinate at the Security Council in the next stage to prevent the circumstances from reaching the point that may lead to the war on Iraq.' "
      This, as part of France's "Cuddle Dictators Month." France actually invited Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe to take part in a summit of African Heads of State next month. This, despite the fact that Mugabe is currently banned from entering the European Union because of doubts about the legitimacy of his re-election last year. (not to mention that whole tyranny thing of starving his people and encouraging them to kill whites and take their land, which actually began the famine since the new 'tenants' didn't know how to farm on a large scale).
      I think it's hight time we criticize French unilateralism in abandoning E.U. sanctions.
      So far the leaders of the UK, Germany, Denmark, Sweden, the Netherlands and Spain are all likely to boycott a summit attended by Mugabe, which would transform the event into an embarrassing display of European disunity.
Posted 01/31/03, 2:40 a.m.

    Another example of "legislators with too much time on their hands" comes from New Hampshire. House Bill 52, introduced by Rep. Charles Hall, Republican of Merrimack, would require shampoo assistants to be licensed by the state.
      The bill defines a shampoo assistant as anyone licensed by the state board of barbering, cosmetology, and esthetics “who performs any of the following functions: (a) Shampooing. (b) Rinsing and pulling rods. (c) Rinsing treated or untreated hair. (d) Other cleaning or sink-related functions as determined by the board.”
      300 hours to learn how to rinse hair?
Posted 01/30/03, 10:55 p.m.

    I'm torn about President Bush's plan to spend $15 billion on the AIDS crisis in Africa. While I know that the crisis is eye-popping in number, and politically it should shut up detractors who feel that America is a warmongering horde, I have doubts that the money will do any good. Taxpayer money will be tossed aside and lost in the third world, backward ideas of Africans who refuse to take the drugs to save their lives over fears of voodoo and conspiracy, and have no intention of teaching the people that their sexual lifestyles are propogating their deaths. We're not responsible for the mess, and until we clean up their society to join the 20th Century, let alone the 21st, our money will be spent unwisely.
Posted 01/30/03, 10:26 p.m.

    This is not a parody, although it should be: Iraq is set to chair the U.N. disarmament conference during the May session.
      Iraq will take its turn as the head of the conference, a U.N. spokesman said, because of a "purely automatic rotation by alphabetical order." Therefore, joining Iraq as the co-chair for the May 12-June 27 session in Geneva, Switzerland, will be Iran.
      Oh, dear. Maybe North Korea can oversee the International Atomic Energy Agency soon. Besides, Libya already chairs the U.N. Commission on Human Rights. Nothing like the foxes running the henhouse, eh?
Posted 01/30/03, 10:25 p.m.

    All you need to know about the people of New York City who speak down to us yokels in the heartland:
      According to figures in the New York Times, 20 percent of the nation's psychoanalysts live in the area, though only three percent of the nation's population lives there.
Posted 01/30/03, 10:25 p.m.

    I know I'm not the only one who picked Tampa Bay to win the Super Bowl by 27 points, right? Hello? Is this thing on?
Posted 01/30/03, 3:11 a.m.

    I am outraged at ABC! Yes I am! Because of financial reasons, Jimmy Kimmel Live isn't airing on several ABC affiliates, including mine in Atlanta! (the other top ten market not getting it is D.C.) I was able to see the debut after the Super Bowl, since I was in Louisville this weekend, but will have to hope to catch it at work otherwise, since we regularly pull up other ABC stations from the West Coast. But I've been looking forward to the show, since I like Kimmel, and my favorite sports columnist, Bill Simmons (a.k.a. The Sports Guy from ESPN.com's Page 2 is one of the writers. Also, it seems that half the staff worked for Letterman for several years.
Posted 01/30/03, 2:53 a.m.

    I know others love to read Dave Barry's columns, so now you can do so daily at his blog!
Posted 01/30/03, 2:51 a.m.

    I didn't see the State of the Union address on Tuesday since I had to work (yeah, I know, how can a guy work in news yet not see the live speech?). But I did read it, and caught a few lines that will be remembered in the coming years:
      “The course of this nation does not depend on the decisions of others.” Although, it should be noted that despite calls from Democratic leaders that we shouldn't engage in unilateralism, we're not. The leaders of eight European countries (Britain, Spain, Italy, Portugal, Hungary, Poland, Denmark and the Czech Republic) have co-signed an article in the London Times making clear that, in their view, Saddam has outlived his rule. They agree with Hans Blix when he said this week at the U.N. Security Council that, "Iraq appears not to have come to a genuine acceptance, not even today, of the disarmament which was demanded of it and which it needs to carry out to win the confidence of the world and to live in peace."
      "And tonight I have a message for the brave and oppressed people of Iraq: Your enemy is not surrounding your country – your enemy is ruling your country. And the day he and his regime are removed from power will be the day of your liberation." It all could end tomorrow if the Iraqi people would take Saddam out and look for guidance on setting up a free nation.
      Then there's the Democratic response, utterly forgettable on paper. There was one perfect statement, though, by Washington governor Gary Locke that showed the Dems for what they stand for: "We will fight to protect a woman's right to choose and we will fight for affirmative action, equal opportunity and diversity in our schools and our workplaces. Above all, we will demand that this government advance our common purpose and not pander to narrow special interests."
Posted 01/30/03, 2:48 a.m.

    From the January 20 Late Show with David Letterman, the Top Ten Signs Saddam Hussein is Planning to Move to Your Neighborhood:
      10. While watching CNN your daughter exclaims, "That's the guy who bought my Girl Scout cookies!"
      9. Predator drones circling overhead
      8. Your mailman made a mistake and gave you a shipment of plutonium
      7. Streets have fewer minivans, more tanks
      6. Sign on lawn: "Trespassers will be gassed and tortured"
      5. Sean Penn keeps coming over
      4. Your address: 145 Murray Street; newspaper's headline: "82nd Airborne Deployed To 148 Murray Street"
      3. At Home Depot, you notice four Saddam doubles arguing about carpet
      2. In driveway, Humvee with license plate "Ruthless 1"
      1. Classified ad seeks "The mother of all affordable split-level homes"
Posted 01/30/03, 2:40 a.m.

    Some folks like those pro-Saddam marchers apparently don't know how far is "too far". Case in point, in New Zealand, Anti-U.S. slogans were sprayed on a prominent memorial to firefighters killed in the September 11 terrorist attacks. The remarks include "You Get What You Deserve", "You Reap What You Sow", and "USA + UK = Axis of Evil" spraypainted on and around the memorial, which was built in central Christchurch out of steel girders recovered from the debris of the World Trade Center.
Posted 01/30/03, 2:30 a.m.

    The 30th anniversary of Roe v. Wade has come and gone, and it’s a good bet you didn’t catch round-the-clock coverage of the tens of thousands of pro-lifers marching in D.C. this week like the media did last weekend when the pro-Saddam loonies were in town.
      Former feminist Frderica Mathewes-Green has a stirring column on the lessons of Roe in the Washington Post.
      For me, the most disgusting part of the abortion debate is the fact that the national pro-choice groups frame their argument so that any dip in the number of babies killed is seen as a bad thing. For example, former Vermont governor and Democratic presidential candidate Howard Dean compared the Bush administration’s steps to curb reckless abortion with the Taliban. Hopefully, in an age where the vast majority of people believe abortion is wrong – even though half still believe it should always be legal anyway – scare tactics may only inflame our side.
      For another personal account, look to actor Jack Nicholson and his thanks for life. He discovered as an adult that the woman he was raised to believe was his sister was actually his mother, who had conceived him when she was a teenager. She was advised to get an abortion, but chose life. He once said, "I'm very contra my constituency in terms of abortion because I'm positively against it. I don't have the right to any other view. My only emotion is gratitude, literally, for my life."
Posted 01/24/03, 4:25 p.m.

    Remember this the next time a Democrat tries to say that Republicans can't get past race issues:
"Yes, we want to be judged by the content of our character and not the color of our skin. But what makes up character? If we don't take race as part of our character, then we are kidding ourselves."--Hillary Clinton at a Martin Luther King Day ceremony, quoted in the New York Sun
Posted 01/22/03, 9:20 a.m.

    Good point from radio host Neal Boortz:

We’re getting a constant drumbeat of hysterical criticism from the Democrats on George Bush’s economic stimulus plan. I’ll make this short. Every time you hear a Democrat screaming about Bush’s economic plans – which include tax cuts – remember, Democrats DO NOT want the economy to improve between now and the 2004 elections. An improving economy would spell electoral defeat for Democrats. Democrats believe that they have a divine right to control the processes of the Imperial Federal Government of the United States … and two more years of economic sluggishness is certainly not too great a price to pay for a Democratic return to power.

Selma Hayek was just .... GORGEOUS. Oooh-weee, hottie-tottie mamasita!

The Celine Dion ads for Chrysler were atrocious. Why would you buy a van with Celine mumbling in the backseat? So you can slap her around?

Great, now I have to see The Hours. Crud. The trailers give me absolutely no friggin' idea of what the movie is about, and I know nothing nor have I ready anything about Virginia Woolf. I'm not afraid of her, and now I have to see what looks to be an uber-depressing movie since it's winning awards. Great. I don't want to, but now I'm going to see the movie, and love it. I hate when that happens.

Love that Tony Shalhoub won for "Monk." He’s one of the premiere "that guys," in so many good roles on film and television, now getting some credit.

I really didn't have any complaints about the winners. Sure, many I wanted to win didn't, but the ones who won were deserving. Glad to see Chicago picking up a few statues. Hopefully it will carry over to the Oscars.
Posted 01/20/03, 2:05 a.m.

    In the Travel Channel's quest to spend 1,000 hours a week on Las Vegas, it has come to this: Saturday night there were hour-long shows on The Top Ten Bathrooms and The Best Buffets in the glittering city. I don't suppose we'll see a Top Ten Bordellos anytime soon?
Posted 01/20/03, 2:13 a.m.

    It’s official : France has already surrendered in the war on terrorism. The first step: Forget that whole separation of church and state thing, the frogs are going to break down the wall!

      PARIS - France has decided to reconsider one of its most fundamental principles on the separation of the church and state, forced by the threat of Islamic terrorism, the government has said.
      The Telegraph of London reported yesterday that it was considering a proposal to allow the state to build mosques, as part of a bold scheme to create a French version of Islam.
      The guiding principle is to prevent France's second-biggest religion from falling further under the sway of foreign powers - notably Saudi Arabia.

I spent 12 hours on Wednesday/early Thursday watching the Band of Brothers six-disc DVD set; 10 hours of the picture, a couple more of extras. Nothing could make me feel more patriotic, yet less worthy of such heroism. Thank you, to all who have served, whether in combat or not.

As the great Bard, Jon Bon Jovi, says, "Map out your future, but do it in pencil." But if you need to erase, don't use those oversized smelly ones. They just leave smudges.

Jon Stewart, in response to the SUVs-support-terrorism argument: "You could make the argument that all cars consume gas, so even if you're driving a smaller car you're still supporting terrorism -- only less so. But I would say that we need more Americans to drive hybrid gas-electric cars because those only support terrorism when you're going up a hill."

The New York Post's Page Six spotlights some Hollywood hypocrisy on the anti-SUV campaign. Seems some of the main speakers drive some serious gas-guzzlers. But hey, their hearts are in the right place, eh?

VH-1's "I Love the 80s" is one of the best series on TV. The music, the trends, et al., were pure fun, and I'm proud to have grown up among it. The depressing drivel and slacker fashions of alternative music that began in the early 90s was not a welcome sight.

Forget ketchup. Everything should have bacon in it or on it.

Why is South Korea so mad at us nowadays? Shouldn't they still be kissing our butts that we're on the front line to protect them from the evildoers in North Korea? The Euroweenies I can understand, since they haven't had any dictators threatening them for awhile, but South Korea? Talk about 50 years for nothin'.

"How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?" - Reader's Digest jokester.
Posted 01/17/03, 5:50 a.m.



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