"And why should movie stars have a right to risk-free political speech when no other profession has anything close? If I owned a hardware store and put a sign in the window reading, "Down with Bush" - I'd lose business. Or, if I put one in the window saying "Down with Saddam!" I'd also lose business. This is because other people have the right to associate themselves with ideas just as much as movie stars have the right to express their "ideas." Only by the logic of the bitchy little world we call Hollywood, where even men are divas, would we say it's outrageous that store owners are having their "right" to sell three-penny nails revoked."

"In the document, Saddam's agents make mention of a proposed visit to Iraq by one of bin Laden's most-trusted operatives: "According to the above, we suggest permission to call the Khartoum station [Iraq's intelligence office in Sudan] to facilitate the travel arrangements for the above-mentioned person to Iraq. And that our body carry all the travel and hotel costs inside Iraq to gain the knowledge of the message from bin Laden and to convey to his envoy an oral message from us to bin Laden." The document goes on to explain that the message from Iraq to bin Laden "would relate to the future of our relationship with him, bin Laden, and to achieve a direct meeting with him.
      "Is this gun smoking enough?"

What Monty Python Character are you?
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10. "Besides Switzerland, we're the only country to have a cheese named after us" (Private First Class, Peter Griffin)

9. "We have 49 awesome states...and Delaware" (Specialist, Vernell Adams)

8. "All our great Presidents have been American" (Private First Class, Randall Forrester)

7. "I don't see Yao Ming playing basketball in Belgium" (Specialist, Christopher King)

6. "Our flag is one of the stripiest" (Sergeant, Nealon Sears)

5. "America has more Regises per capita than any other nation on earth" (Specialist, Terrell Price)

4. "If the French don't like us, we must be doing something right" (Specialist, Lee Stringer)

3. "Slurpees" (Private First Class, Carleto Corpuz)

2. "You'll notice the U.S. judges on 'American Idol' are very polite. The British one's the jerk" (Private First Class, Jacob Herzog)

1. "It's where all my stuff is" (Staff Sergeant, Israel Hill)
Posted 04/20/03, 1:10 a.m.

    As if you needed more reason to believe that PETA is a strange, group of "udder" nonsense, along comes this bit of ‘news:’ Ingrid Newkirk, founder and president, decreed in her will that a portion of her body be barbecued, her feet to be turned into ornaments, and that part of her skin be turned into a leather product. Not finished, she also left her eyes to the administrator of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency as a message PETA will watch the agency. You can’t make this stuff up, yet you wish it weren't true.
      As one right-thinker said, "I am going to bequest my arse to PETA so that they can kiss it!!!"
Posted 04/20/03, 12:30 a.m.

    Rod Dreher of National Review Online would like to know how "David Duke was the honored guest of a Bahraini group called "Discover Islam," and appeared on an al-Jazeera talk show," yet "had Pat Robertson invited Duke on "The 700 Club" to share his views about the Jews, everyone and his brother would have condemned the television evangelist, and rightly so." In conclusion, "what does our giving them a pass tell us about the double standard we allow Muslims?"
Posted 04/20/03, 12:30 a.m.

    Some fine work coming out of the United Nations Human Rights Commission lately(/sarcasm). After criticizing Israel for arresting youths who were set to kill innocents, the group – headed by LIBYA – barely touched Cuba’s crackdown on dissidents over the past month. So much so that Cuban Foreign Minister Felipe Perez Roque declared a "resonant victory" when the commission only called for a U.N. rights monitor to visit the island. So yes, Roque is correct, the U.N. just gave Castro free reign to jail journalists and opponents without worrying about reprisals.
Posted 04/20/03, 12:30 a.m.

    After all the looting, I hope that when the Iraqis write a new constitution they include a sentence about property rights.
Posted 04/18/03, 10:30 p.m.

    Today's fortune cookie says: "Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you.
      Okay, so would that be on the empty recliner to my right, or the window to my left?
Posted 04/18/03, 10:30 p.m.

    Her's what could be a regular feature: Trailer Park, judging movie previews. Today's features played before Bulletproof Monk, reviewed on my site here:
      Pirates of the Caribbean: The original trailer didn't provide any idea of what to expect, save for a skeleton-shaped island and a bony foot in the water to signify this was a ghostly adventure. The new trailer reverses course and instead of being mysterious, shows EVERYTHING, and it doesn't look promising. Johnny Depp is an over-the-top pirate, Orlando Bloom the clueless good guy, Geoffrey Rush as the ghost pirate leader, and a random cute woman to save. As long as the swashbuckling is solid, I'll be satisfied with a popcorn flick.
      Jeepers Creepers 2: Never saw the first, but if looks anything like this weird cornfield horror flick, I'd suggest you burn every scarecrow in the field and never take the school bus to the middle of nowhere. But whatever you do, do not go to the theater and watch this movie.
      Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde: I love Reese Witherspoon, but not enough to see the original. Too much pink. Given that Reese takes her act from Harvard to Capitol Hill, it can't get any more silly, so I'll wait for video, with a chick.
      28 Days Later: From the makers of Trainspotting, what looks to be a remake of Omega Man. Not sure they can improve on Chuck Heston. The trailer doesn't reveal much beyond a disease that wipes out the world in a few weeks, and a half-second jump at the end that suggests zombies.
      The Italian Job: Mark Wahlberg stars with Ed Norton, Seth Green and Charlize Thornton in what looks like your run-of-the-mill con job gone bad, sponsored by VW Mini with chases galore. In other words, I'll see it with enthusiasm.
Posted 04/18/03, 10:30 p.m.

    I was sort-of published this week. One of my fave writers, on his blog and his regular newspaper pieces, listed my question in his Backfence column. (Down at the bottom)
Posted 04/18/03, 10:30 p.m.

    Were you led to believe that the U.S. was one of the main arms dealers for Saddam's regime? Think again.
Posted 04/18/03, 10:30 p.m.

    I sent away for new checks from one of those companies that put inserts in the Sunday paper, but got the wrong kind in return. I won't name names, but let's just say that they send Checks In The Mail. Instead of the patriotic version, I got the fantasy version featuring a white-bearded wizard, a fairy/butterfly, a unicorn and medieval castle. Should I risk being painted as a complete dork and use these, send them back or just shred them and order a new batch? Being that I'm both cheap and lazy, I guess I'll use them.
Posted 04/17/03, 9:45 p.m.

    No, I don't believe you're anti-American. But I do think you blame America first for any world ill, and that's just as reprehensible.
      Sure, the Iraqis are liberated, but won't anyone care about the antiquities?!
Posted 04/17/03, 9:45 p.m.

    Scientists have finished the sequencing the human genome, the so-called "book of life." Pardon me for being impatient, but I'll skip the last page and find out that everything is curable and I can eat Zebra Cakes every day for the next 100 years without guilt.
Posted 04/16/03, 2:30 a.m.

    Brother Scott emails after tonight's "American Idol" that Carmen and the Kims will be the bottom three, and Carmen will get the boot on Wednesday.
      I think the bottom three should be Carmen, blond Kimberly and Joshua. Really, I think it's time for Joshua to go, because he has the weakest voice, or at least tied with Carmen for the weakest. But I like to ogle Carmen, so that's my choice. Either way, if Ruben, Clay and Trenyce aren't the bottom three, America is drunk. Okay, Trenyce may be replaced with black Kimberley.
      Actually, I didn't even think Ruben did all that wonderfully tonight. Clay blew him away by far. I think Ruben had a cold, because his voice seemed strained. That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.
Posted 04/16/03, 2:25 a.m.

    The Jeffster has become one of the legions of cool persons to kick up their hip-score by purchasing a digital camera. After leaving Target and Circuit City unsatisfied with selection, ease of purchase and price, I ended up where I always do: Best Buy. The display is easier to peruse, the store is wide-open and well-lit (Circuit City alwayse feels cluttered and dark). I bought a Canon A60, featuring 2.0 megapixels (as if I need to spend an extra hundred bucks for 3.0 megapixels when I never enlarge my photos anyway), 3x optical zoom and movie mode with audio, and is more than just a point-and-shoot with several scene settings. But where the digital camera makers get you is memory, since the enclosed 16 mb card is woefully insufficient to take a lot of photos, so I spent an extra $60 on a 128 mb card. Another reason I liked the A60 was that it can run on AA batteries, so I don't have to worry about recharging while out in the field (i.e., on a mountain or overseas on vacation).
Posted 04/16/03, 2:20 a.m.

    The Angry Clam ponders the liberal mind at work:

So in Minnesota, people are all pissed off that there's now a one-day waiting period on abortions. Apparently it infringes on a constitutional right, although I don't see anything about abortions in the Constitution. (I know where it comes from, I'm just making a point.)

Meanwhile, gun purchases have a seven day waiting period.

Apparently, in some people's world, guns kill people, but abortions don't.

What is the Iraqi air force motto? I came, I saw, Iran.

Have you heard about the new Iraqi air force exercise program? Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.

What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common? They both have Kurds in their way.

What is the best Iraqi job? Foreign ambassador.

Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? You only have to teach them to take off.

How do you play Iraqi bingo? B-52 ... F-16 ... B-52...A-10

What is Iraq's national bird? Duck.

What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common? They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

Why does the Iraqi navy have glass bottom boats? So they can see their air force.
Posted 04/12/03, 11:30 p.m.

    Steven counters my snack cake argument, first looking at chocolate, then Nutty Bars. Can't argue that one. I had many a yummy Nutty Bar in my lunchbox growing up.
    Steven also has a thought as well on Tim Robbins' dis-invite to the Hall of Fame, home of the American Pastime (and thus squasher of those who don't like America), as I did earlier below. Also echoing the sentiment is from the Bucket o' Rants: "Robbins is pissed because in his world, free speech is a one way street and he's got the right of way, baby! Personally I think Robbins should have been kept away for the shameful way he throws a baseball."
Posted 04/12/03, 3:53 a.m.

    Something you may not know about the American flag that Marine Corporal Edward Chin placed over Saddam's face before pulling down the statue in Paradise Square the other day. Remember this when the media gasps that we look like conquerors because of the image: That flag was in the Pentagon on 9/11, and Chin brought it with him through the hellish ride north to Baghdad. Besides, will the media now gasp that we look like imperialists whenever the flag-raising is shown from Iwo Jima?
Posted 04/12/03, 3:50 a.m.

    I don't want to gloat (lie), but can we now admit that keeping the Butcher of Baghdad in power was never a morally superior position?
Posted 04/12/03, 3:50 a.m.

    Here in Georgia, the biggest brouhaha in politics is over the stupid state flag. In 1956 it was changed to incorporate the Confederate Battle Flag, in what can only be seen as a racist act in the face of civil rights reform. Two years ago, the Democrat governor changed it. Fine. It was ugly, but who cares? Turns out, a lot of folks. Now there's a new flag design up for vote, but this time the new governor, Republican Sonny Perdue, decided to let the voters decide next year. Apparently that makes him a bigot instead of democratic. Mary Squires, the quintessential white guilt Democrat, bellowed into the governor's office that he's a racist for allowing a vote on a flag change. Why? Because her kid told her so. If Mary Squires decides her political views based on statements by her nine-year-old son, then he should be in her seat under the Gold Dome. (As voice-of-the-Braves Skip Caray said , if you're state capital's roof is made of gold, then you're being fleeced)
Posted 04/12/03, 3:40 a.m.

    The Baseball Hall of Fame rescinded an invite to noted anti-war activist Hollywood liberal couple Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon to celebrate the 15th anniversary of the release of Bull Durham. Naturally, the pair is very upset and claiming they're victims of McCarthyism. I agree that it's not worth getting the HOF's knickers in a twist, since I adore the movie and can watch it without ever thinking of Robbins and Sarandon's politics. But stop your whining guys, it's not like we're beating posters of the movie in the streets with our shoes!
Posted 04/11/03, 6:45 a.m.

    From the Nov. 6, 1998, issue of the Brigadier, the cadet newspaper at The Citadel, by Father Denis Edward O'Brien, USMC:

      "It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press.
      It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.
      It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.
      It is the soldier, who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag."
Posted 04/11/03, 6:40 a.m.

    You thought the Iraqi information minister was a better spinmeister than a Democrat with a girlfriend under the table, along comes Mohsen Khalil, Iraq's ambassador to the Arab League in Egypt:

"Iraq will not be defeated. Iraq has now already achieved victory -- apart from some technicalities."