The last Soviet leader, Mikhail Gorbachev made a stunning announcement (<--severe sarcasm) in front of a Columbia University audience that must have seen its dreams collapse: He admitted that Soviet communism was "pure propaganda."

Gorby went on to say that while they said capitalism would collapse, the USSR's leaders "were discussing the problem of toothpaste, the problem of detergent, and they had to create a commission of the Politburo to make sure that women have pantyhose." And here I thought that we were so behind the rest of the world on the matters of women.

Just wait for the next revelation: Monarchies weren't developed in order to lift the lower classes!

Looks like Gorbachev is rooting out all propaganda machines while in the States. During his trip he also criticized Bill Clinton: "My relationship with President Clinton was quite strained, if not downright tense. Of course, it was not because of Monica Lewinsky. I was highly critical of his foreign policy. He is guilty for the fact that the U.S. has wasted those ten years following the end of the Cold War."

From the "You can't make this stuff up" department:

"The police and fire departments of Sausalito desperately need new headquarters. The cops have been working out of mobile homes since a 1995 flood. But voters there have nixed the proposed building--in part because they didn't like its feng shui." (National Review Online)

The Left is so confused as to what policy to take against Bush's substantial poll numbers, they can't even agree to the wording of a document in which they pretend to support his war effort.

Sen. Majority leader Tom Dasc-hole sponsored a resolution declaring that "the Senate stands united with the president in the ongoing effort to destroy Al Qaeda." But Dems keep trying to soften the language. For example, the effort to "destroy al Qaeda" has given way to the effort to "defeat terrorism."

This document doesn't even mean anything; it's merely something to pass the time while filling out NCAA brackets, I guess.

Unhappy that a local high school uses the nickname Reds with an American Indian as a mascot, an intramural basketball team at the U. of Northern Colorado has dubbed its team the Fighting Whities and is using a white man as its mascot.

"The message is, let's do something that will let people see the other side of what it's like to be a mascot," Solomon Little Owl tells the Associated Press.

Actually, his efforts there are going to be lost on most every European-American, because I find it quite funny and wholly support their usage of my race as a mascot. I'd even accept Fighting Crackers, or perhaps the Colorless Caucasian Combatants.

Forget any talk about how the "cycle of violence" rages in the Middle East. There is no cycle, and no moral relativism that can be attached, because Palestinians are targeting civilians, while Israelis target those who target civilians.

The Democrats did as promised to their special interest groups and killed the nomination of Charles Pickering for a seat on the federal appellate court without allowing a vote before the entire Senate. The Judiciary Committee (were Dems outnumber the GOP) knows that he would survive a full vote (for example, Sen. Zell Miller of Georgia would certainly vote his conscience instead of the party line) and they are intent on sending a message that no conservatives need apply, in some of the worst bit of partisanship ever displayed in the capital.

To give you an idea of just how despicable the Left is being here, Republicans never killed a nomination when they controlled the Senate and Clinton was president, yet three judicial nominees of Republican presidents were killed by the Democrat-controlled Judiciary in 1986, 1988 and 1991, and in the process had their records smeared and attacked viciously as Pickering has been.

And the hypocrisy is evident by this 1997 quote from Democrat Sen. Joseph Biden, who said that every judicial nominee "is entitled to ... have a vote on the floor." Also in 1997, current Judiciary Chairman Leahy said "it is the responsibility of the U.S. Senate to at least bring them to a vote."

Thus the foul odor from the Left's tactics is nothing new with the Pickering debacle, but that doesn't make it any less despicable.

There is a touch of sexism in the Andrea Yates trial. No, not against women, but against men. Let me ask you this: If Yates had been a man and systematically tracked down and drowned his five children, would anyone be sympathetic to him? Nope, not for any reason, and I don't have anything but disgust for Yates, who deserves to sit in jail and live a long life of depression, and in the meantime they should make her fully sane so that she can't claim to misunderstand what happened.

The average taxpayer will take 13 hours and 27 minutes to do their taxes this year. It took me a half-hour, which means I feel sorry for the poor shmuck who spent 26 1/2 hours on theirs.

Winner of the General Nonfiction category in this week's National Books Critics Circle awards is Double Fold: Libraries and the Assault on Paper, described as "a provocative look at libraries' recent attempts to control the ever-increasing amount of paper in their collections."

Gee, sounds exciting. I can't wait to read next year's award-winning expose on the glut of paper clips in offices.

In light of the celebrity boxing match on Fox this week featuring Tonya Harding vs. Paula Jones in the undercard, Danny "Partridge" Bonaduce vs. Barry "Greg Brady" Williams, and Todd "Diff'rent Strokes" Bridges vs. Vanilla Ice, I have some dream matches of my own to propose:

- Battle of the Hollywood Non-Squares: Jim J. Bullock vs. Bruce Vilanch
- Family Feud: The Baldwin brothers vs. WWF (I just wanna see the Baldwins pounded to a pulp)
- Has Been 80s Boy Toys: Corey Haim vs. Corey Feldman
- Philanderers Anonymous: Ted Kennedy vs. Bill Clinton
- Titillation Extravaganza: Pam Anderson vs. Anna Nicole Smith (and they can't use their hands...rowr!)

I can't believe it, but my new favorite reality TV show is based on the family of rocker Ozzy Osbourne.

MTV's "The Osbournes" is played out like a sitcom, but in fact is the real life of Osbourne, his wife of twenty years (who plays out like the family manager) and their teenage son and daughters, all of whom are better than any character ever dreamed up in a fake sitcom. And they all have saucier language, too, but it's worth it, and the show is actually very sweet. There's even an Australian nanny and several pets (as this Tuesday's show discussed at length).

You can't make up golden moments when a father tells his daughter, "I love you all. I love you more than life itself, but you're all f****in' mad."

Bradys, eat your heart out (or Ozzy might do it during the show).

Latest Vents from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

My wife is a worrier. Her philosophy is, "Start worrying; details will follow."

It is time we stop wanting to be liked by the rest of the world. I want them to fear us.

Clueless: Morons who keep getting beeped and using cellphones in a restaurant who then complain to the caller about "background noise."

A baby sitter is a teenager who behaves like an adult while the adults are out behaving like teenagers.

According to the esteemed Congressional Budget Office, we will have either a $300 billion surplus or a $150 billion deficit. Did these people previously work for the National Weather Service?

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

It's time to end the War on Drugs and start the National Stupidity Campaign.

Dear Girl Scouts: Thank you, thank you, thank you (gulp!), thank you!

If they are called Thin Mints, they must help me lose weight.

The perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and young enough not to care.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

It's a strange world when skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.

My friend changed to a new masseuse. The old one rubbed him the wrong way.

Batman's Words of Wisdom: "I'm certain this is the first stitch in a large tapestry of crime."

Homer quote: "I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Random site: The Rejection Line -- How to get rid of that unwanted advance from the opposite sex (wait, does this actually happen to some people?).

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