Felicity: Welcome to the first ever UCW Thursday Fury! This is UCW, and I'm Vice President Felicity ...
Boot: and well, well, well ... I always win the bedroom battle.........I kick it like a cowboy; I slaughter 'em like cattle...........and a Studmuffin never kisses and tells, so I would never tattle.....but last night, your mom did some pretty outrageous things with a pacifier and a rattle. But I'm not just her babysitter, I'm also her powerhitter, and I am the lyrical miracle, the sexual intellectual and the Quintessen ...
F: Hey! What are you trying to get sued?
B: Oh please, ECW can't even afford to sue us right now.
F: Even so ... this is UCW! We have our own stars here! And tonight, in our very first show, 8 of the best will be competing for a chance of becoming our very first ever World or Internet Champions.
B: This is a single elimination tournament, only the winners will advance to the next round. The loser will have to try again later ... now lets get started!
F: Here comes our first superstar. Oh good lord, is that some one on fire?
B: That would be Pyromaniac, one of the promising newcomers to the UCW. I guess fire is his thing ... this guy must have on heck of a pain tolerance level.
F: I'd say so. He's refusing to let the ring attendance put him out. What a show by Pyromaniac!
B: Wait! Here comes RJ Souza! He's not even waiting for Pyro's entrance to finish. What is that he has in his hand? A fire extinguisher!
F: Pyro is wondering why the crowd is screaming ... you'd think it'd be cause ... HE'S A GUY ON FIRE! But any way ... he's turning around ... and RJ sprays him in the face with the fire extinguisher!
B: Looks like the fire is out now! And Pyro is surprised ... he rolls into the ring to escape RJ.
F: RJ climbs in after him ... and the bell is rung ... now here goes our first ever match and we've had explosive action already.
B: Pyro is swinging madly, I think he is blinded. This can't be good for the newcomer. Rj nails him in the gut with the fire extinguisher ... and again across the back!
F: RJ pulls Pyro to the middle of the ring. What is he going to do? He hooks Pyro in a figure four leg lock! RJ Souza is going to try get Pyro to submit in our very first UCW match up.
B: But Pyro isn't giving up, he is to determined ... but I think the pain is getting to him. But he will not give up.
F: The referee looks worried. He is trying to get Pyro to submit, but Pyro just won't.
B: What a fighter ... but I think Pyro is just about to pass out from the pain! He has been hit pretty hard with that fire extinguisher, and I think he is bleeding, but it is hard to tell from a guy who comes out while on fire.
F: Pyro has just lost conciousness. His shoulders are on the mat ... 1 ... 2 ...3! RJ picks up the win, what a start for UCW!
Felicity: Welcome back our debut show of UCW Thursday Fury. What a start we have. RJ Souza has just advanced in the title tournament, now two more superstars will try their luck.
Boot: Now here comes the first one. Coming in to Killing Time by Metalica, weighing in at 6'6" and 295 pounds, we have the Crazed Killer. Some one who I know very well.
F: Crazed Killer climbs into the ring and waits. It has been a while since we have seen the Crazed Killer in action, so now is when we get to see if any ring rust has infected him.
B: Now Megadeth's Crush 'Em plays, that can only mean that Patch is headed to the ring. Patch stands at 6'9" and weighs 296 pounds. Both these guys are pretty much the same size, so this should be an even match up.
F: Both these guys seem to have some sort of leather fixation also. What's up with that?
B: There goes the bell. Both CK and Patch are staring at each other. Looks like they are exchanging words. Patch shoves CK, and CK shoves right back ...
F: Patch shoves again, this time CK runs to the ropes and bounces off with a shot to side of the head which staggers Patch.
B: Now Patch bounces off the ropes and nails CK with a haymaker shot to the stomach, CK bends over in pain. That was a cheap shot, oh well, do what you got to do, there are titles at stake. With that comes all the glory.
F: Patch with a couple elbows to the back of Ck's head. Now he grabs CK into a side headlock. I guess he is trying to wear down the Crazed Killer.
B: CK with a couple elbows of his own. Now he throws Patch into the ropes. Patch bounces off and looks to try another shot to the stomach, but CK dodges this time and grabs Patch for a counter DDT! Quick cover ... 1 ... 2 ... no, to early! Patch kicks out!
F: Ck going for a quick win, I hope he never underestimated Patch. Ck is headed to the outside, and looking under the ring. What is he getting?
B: He's taking out several cookie sheets! A fire Extinguisher! A Table! But we need those for the Cookie bake off after the show!
F: The what?
B: We have to pay the wrestlers some how. Being a wrestling legend doesn't pay the bills on its own.
F: What ever ... but Patch is getting to his feet, and CK is waiting with a cookie sheet in hand ... this is going to give Patch a head ache!
B: No! A big boot by Patch, kicking the cookie sheet into the face of Crazed Killer! Dented up a perfectly good cookie sheet!
F: Patch grabs the fire extinguisher ... and sprays it in the face of Ck! Ck is blinded and staggering ... Patch grabs another cookie sheet, and slams it into the head of the Crazed Killer repeatedly. I think Crazed Killer has been busted open.
B: Patch is pounding on his own head, looks like he is signaling the Patch bomb!
F: Wait a second, somebody is coming down to the ring! It's Shadow, followed by his manager Lilith!
B: What? That guy owes me one helluva repair bill for what he did to my car!
F: Well, he's down here now, but why? In the ring we have Patch with Ck set up for the Patch Bomb, but Shadow stands on the apron and distracts the referee.
B: There it is! The Patch Bomb! Patch goes for a cover ... but no count! The referee is trying to get Shadow off of the apron.
F: Patch is up, and he looks pissed, he should have had this match won! Now he notices Shadow and nails Shadow with a punch, knocking him off the apron. He yells at the referee to pay attention.
B: Yes! Now Patch is setting up the table in the corner, and is laying the Crazed Killer on it. This looks bad for the Crazed Killer. Now Patch is climbing the ropes, looks like he is going to put Killer through the table with his elbow drop.
F: Now Lilith climbs in the ring and stands between them. What is she doing? Patch is yelling at her to get out of the way. The referee is trying to get her to leave ...
B: Wait! From behind, while the ref was distracted with Lilith, Shadow just grabbed the ankle of Patch, and Patch falls and gets crotched on the top rope. Lilith leaves the ring and her and Shadow begin to walk away!
F: Now CK is getting up, does he even realize any of this that has happened? Either way, he notices Patch perched on the top rope, looks like he is going to capitalize.
B: CK climbs the ropes, and picks up Patch on his shoulders ... is he going for the Final Breath?
F: Yes! Crazed Killer with a DVD off the top rope, through the table to I might add. A cover ... 1 ... 2 ... 3! Crazed Killer advances and goes on to the next round to fight RJ Souza on Monday!
B: Crazed Killer snuck in this win, but will he be able to pull this off against RJ? Stay tuned!
Felicity: We are back. What a debut show we are having. So far the Crazed Killer and RJ Souza have advanced into round two. now two more wrestlers will try.
Boot: Here comes the first one, coming out to Paranoid, by Black Sabbath, weighing in at 260 lbs. and standing at 6'4" is Falcon. What do you know about Falcon?
F: Falcon? He sucks! Falcon is also accompanied by Raine ... I don't know why, but whenever I look at Raine ... it just seems some how familar. I don't know why.Who is his opponent?
B: Ya Mama by Fat Boy Slim is playing, so that means here comes Star King, or what ever he wants to be calling himself today. Star King stands at 6'7" and weighs in at ... 210 lbs? That can't be right.
F: Star is also carrying some chair to the ring, I hope we don't end up seeing the sort of mess we had during that last match.
B: Why not? This is what UCW is all about. Every one of these guys wants to walk out with some gold, and are willing to do what ever it takes to get it.
F: There goes the bell, but Star King refuses to put away that chair, I guess he wants to use it. But the referee is trying to stop him. Star King just nailed the referee, I guess he is dead set on using it.
B: No! Drop kick by Falcon into the chair. Falcon just drop kicked the chair into the face of Star King. That's what happens when you rely on the weapons to much.
F: Wait? What's this? Here comes Crazy Ivan! Looks like things are breaking down already. Ivan dives into the ring and jabs Falcon in the ribs with another chair.
B: Falcon bends over in pain. Now Ivan cracks him across the back with the chair. Falcon is down and Star King is getting up. This don't look good for Falcon in his comeback match to the world of wrestling.
F: Ivan is holding onto Falcon, and Star King is winding up the chair, this is going to be a major head-ache.
B: Here comes Raine. She is getting in teh face of Star King! What is she doing? Trying to protect her man I guess.
F: Star King just grabs her by the hair and throws her back to the outside. Now that is just uncalled for.
B: Now Star swings the chair to the head of Flacon ... NO! Falcon ducks and Crazy Ivan takes the chair! Ivan is down!
F: Now Raine is back in ... and nails Star from behind with a low blow! Star drops the chair in pain.
B: He staggers to Falcon, who picks him up ... The Falcon's Arrow onto the chair! Now the referee is up ... 1 ... 2 ... 3! Falcon wins!
F: I guess Star King relied to much on the weapons and outside interference that he wasn't prepared to fight some one like Falcon. I hope he knows better next time.
B: We'll be righ back with our next tournament match up.
Felicity: What a card we have had so far! And it's not over yet. Coming up is our last match up of the night ... two newcomers who are basically unknown to the UCW, we have Bruiser vs TWIST.
Boot: The winner of this match is the one who goes on to fight Falcon in Round two on Monday Mayhem. TWIST is waiting in the ring, I guess he couldn't wait to get this amtch started.
F: He is calling for Bruiser to get out there. One has to wonder though, with the severe weight disadvantage that TWIST has, how will he be able to pull off this win against the much bigger Bruiser?
B: Bruiser's music is playing, but why ain't he coming out here? What is taking him so long?
F: Look! On the jumbotron! What is that? It look like somebodies locker room. But it is wrecked. Who's locker room is that?
B: There on the ground, who was that? It looks like the body of Bruiser. Who did this to him?
F: The camera pans up, some one is standing over him holding a dented chair! It's Patch! Patch took out Bruiser back stage before the match!
B: TWIST is in the ring demanding his arm to be raised. I guess TWIST wins by default. What a way to pull off a win over a much bigger opponent.
F: I hope he don't expect this sort of cake walk on Monday against Falcon. We'll have to wait on see! But for now, we are out of time. We'll see you on Monday!