Gonzo: Hello, welcome to UCW Fury. Prez Boot is very busy today so he asked myself and Rizzo to lend a hand and be the guest commentators for today's match. You may know me and Rizzo from The Muppet Show. I being the Spectacular dare devil and Rizzo being . . . . . . . a rat.
Rizzo: Hey, I was a king in a past life. Anyway, Prez Boot said that he has a big announcement to make today but first we'll get the card started with the first match. It's a hardcore match between Hari Kari and Angel of Death. You may also know our special guest referee, the Count. He just loves to count.
Gonzo: That's right Rizzo, and here comes Hari Kari, a relative newcomer to UCW but he's got the potential to be a world champ. He slides into the ring where numerous weapons of choice have been alrady laid about. Remember, pinfalls count anywhere and there are no rules or count outs.
Rizzo: Hari Kari grabs a kendo stick as AOD runs to the ring. He slides into the ring only to receive a nasty crack with the kendo stick. HK cracks him 4 more times before the stick finally cracks off.
Count: 1. . . . 2. . . . 3 . . . .4, 4 cracks with a kendo stick, ha ha ha ha ha ha *lightening flashes in the background*
Gonzo: Hari Kari bends over to pick up a trash can, wait a minute there's something inside!
Oscar: Hey, put me trash can down! You'll spill the water out of my swimming pool. Damit! You cracked my big screen!
Rizzo: HK drops the can in astonishment as Oscar lets his legs through the bottom of his can and runs to the back. That was surely unexpected, I still don't think Hari Kari knows what just happened.
Gonzo: That was just the distraction AOD needed to grab a cookie sheet and nail Hari Kari in the side of the head. HK backs into the ropes, AOD grabs a 2 x 4 with barbed wire around it and rears back to knock HK into last week.Rizzo: Hold on, It's Prez Boot! He's comming down the aisle with a mic in his hand.
Prez Boot: That's it, this match is over. I have a big announcement to make.
Gonzo: Hari Kari and AOD don't look happy, their shouting obscenities at the UCW President. Even the crowd lets Boot know what they think of this with a loud series of boo's.
Prez Boot: Alright, I tell ya what. We'll decide this match the way people have been settling arguments for centuries, rock, paper, scissors.
Gonzo: Rock, paper, scissors? Is he kidding?
Rizzo: No, I think he's serious, he's getting the two set and counts to three, Hari Kari chooses rock! Nothing beats that!
Gonzo: AOD chose paper, paper smothers rock, AOD wins!! But both wrestlers retreat to the back quickly as Boot ushers the two disappointed men out of the ring.
Prez Boot: As I said, I have an important announcement. All of the pressures of running the UCW have taken a toll on my mind, my body, and my soul. So it is with great sorrow that I am stepping down as President of UCW.
Rizzo: WHAT!!! THIS IS MAJOR NEWS!!!!
Prez Boot: I have decided to get started on a dream I've had since I was a boy, I will start Xtreme Curling!
Gonzo: Xtreme Curling? Is he mad?
Prez Boot: You might have noticed that regular curling is a bore. Too slow and not enough action. My brand of curling will have the athletes hurl the rocks at each other. There will be a goalie at each end, and if the rock doesn't cross the halfway line in 6 seconds the other teams sweepers can tackle the curler. There will be cameras and microphones everywhere. On the ice, in the dressing rooms, even in the shower. It will be curling the way it should be.
Rizzo: It'll never work, but I wonder if he needs an announcer?
Gonzo: Not now Rizzo!
Prez Boot: I might be back someday, but not for a while. So long UCW, it won't be the same without you.
Rizzo: Boot slams down the mic and leaves the arena. I'm still not sure of this Xtreme Curling though. We'll be right back after these messages from our sponsors.
Kermit: Hi ho, Kermit the Frog here with a backstage interview with former UCW President Boot. So Boot, why did you quit on the UCW?
Boot: I didn't quit on the UCW, I'm leaving it in very capable hands. I just need a break from it all.
Kermit: I see, and who is going to take over as UCW Prez now that you're gone?
Boot: You'll find out soon enough, he'll make an announcement as soon as he gets here.
Kermit: Ok, and what's with this Xtreme Curling?
It's a pet project I've been organizing for about a year now. We start in three weeks so you can watch all the action Tuesday nights at 10:00 on Fox!
Kermit: Fox eh? Lots of great show there huh?
Boot: Why you little! *lunges at Kermit*
Kermit: *running around with Boot in pursuit* Ahhhhhh, this is Kermit the frog the roving reporter signing off. We'll be right back after this commercial break.
Gonzo: Welcome back to UCW Fury. O am your special guest commentator Gonzo the Great!
Rizzo: And I am Rizzo the Rat.
Gonzo: basically, I'm great, and he's a rat.
Rizzo: Hey!
Gonzo: But whatan announcemet we just had during that last segment, UCW is now without a president. Who will be the new President of UCW?
Rizzo: I don't know, but we still have a show to put on, coming up we have a tag team title match with the champion Black Label Society vs the Siemas.
Gonzo: Hopefully we will find out what the future of the UCW is.
Rizzo: But first, we have some backstage comments from the wrestlers and their thoughts about Boot Leaving. Take it away Kermit.
Kermit: Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here, and I will be getting backstage reaction from the talent of UCW. Right here with me right now is UCW Superstar Canadian Bad Ass. CBA, what do you think about Boot leaving, and what do you think will happen to UCW?
CBA: Why am I being interviewed by a Muppet? I am the champion of another fed, why am I here? I can't believe this! Where is Dude to?
Kermit: CBA, your thoughts, this is a live broadcast.
CBA: Who are you to talk to me like that? Your only a stupid green sock!
Kermit: Yeesh!
Miss Piggy: Excuse me, why are you talking to my Kermie like that?
CBA: Oh, great, another Muppet, and a fat pig one at that.
Miss Piggy: Fat! That does it! Hiiiiii-YA! *Chops CBA in the stomach knocking him fliying*
Kermit: Yikes, now back to you Gonzo and Rizzo.
Gonzo: There we have it folks, I guess CBA learned the hardway how not to run his mouth.
Rizzo: I'll say. But now we have a match. Coming out first to Nobody Likes You by Limp Biskit, we have the challengers, the Siemas.
Gonzo: Now here come our champions, the Black Label Society. Crazed Killer is coming out not only with his tag title belt, but his Internet Title belt. And he is followed by the American Psycho. This should be a great match.
Rizzo: Both teams are sizing each other up, there goes the bell. They prepare to lock up ...
Voice: Excuse me ... Excuse me!
Rizzo: Who is this? What is happening?
Gonzo: It's none other than Wrestling Legend Rob Grayson. What is he coming down here for during this match? He's climbing in the ring and has a microphone.
Rob: Ok, guy. Now that I got your attention, I got something to say. Tonight UCW is going through some changes. First one first ... with Felicity still MIA and Boot taking a leave ... I am the new President!
Gonzo: Wow, what news!
Rizzo: But wait, there is more.
Rob: Now Seimas, I like you guys and all. Your no Newfie Screech, but then again, who is? You are not needed right now. I know you were looking foward to getting a chance at these guys, but you got the night off. You will get your chance at a future date.
Rizzo: What a let down for the Siemas, but they are listening to the new Boss and doing as he says.
Rob: Ok, now RJ Souza, we need you out here to. I know you had something planned for later. But I guess you and your mystery opponent should have prepared for this match better or this would not be happening.
Gonzo: Here comes the UCW World Champion RJ Souza. He can't be happy.
Rob: Now that you three are here, I just have to tell you. You've been great champions, champions mostly becasue I wasn't competing, but champions nontheless. But as of right now, none of you are champions any more! Now hand those belts over!
Gonzo: What? These guys look mad. But who can blame them?
Rob: Come on, hand them over. CK, I'll have you back to doing opening matches with Marsall Mathers and Erik the Red so fast if you don't listen. And RJ, handing a world title belt over to me should be second nature to you right now. So do it! American Psycho, I don't know you, but I'll still beat your ass like I used to do to this guy named Sweet. Now I know you don't want to end up like Johnny Sweet did.
Rizzo: They throw down their belts and all leave together. What will happen next?
Rob: Ok, now before I tick every body off, here is my last announcement. You will get the chance to win these belts back ... at our very first ever UCW PPV! UCW New Era! And on this PPV we will crown a new World champion in a every man for himself Battle Royal Style Match! First two men start in the ring, and they will fight trying to eliminate the other by pinfall or submission or throwing them over the top rope! Then after two minutes another man will come down, then another, then after there are four people in the ring, people will stop coming down until some one is eliminated. Then a fresh man will come down to replace that person! This will continue until every body has been out there. Then when we are down to the final four they fight and the winner of that four becomes UCW World Champion ... and the runner up becomes UCW Internet Champion! So far, all we have confirmed to be in this match will be the Crazed Killer, American Psycho, Johnny Siema, Thommy Siema and Pyromaniac. If any of you other guys in the back like RJ Souza, Angel of Death, Hari-Kari or any one else want in, just let me know. More people will be welcomed and so will any newcomers who want to make a great debut here in UCW, this is your chance. The PPV date will be decided once we get enought people. So every one get started! But for now, this show is over, our next show will be this PPV!