Pyromaniac vs Severn Stigmatta
Standard Match
Fairbanks: Welcome to another edition of UCW Fury. I'm James Fairbanks and with me as always is Jack Creed.
Creed: Right you are.
Fairbanks: I haven't said anything yet.
Creed: Which is probably why this will be the only time you are right tonight. Let's go to our first match and the return of the man fired more times than a civil war cannon, Pyro.
Fairbanks: I honestly thought he was dead.
Creed: Unfortunately for UCW, he is very much alive and he is back. Severn Stigmata is already in the ring waiting.
Fairbanks: What the Hell? Excuse me for that folks. Someone has put a flaming trashcan at the entrance way.
Creed: Gee, who would be stupid enough to do that? Let me guess.
Fairbanks: Severn has been watching the flame but he had better turn around. Pyro has come through the audience and is right behind him. Severn turns around and gets leveled by a clothesline from Pyro. Pyro begins stomping on Severn. He turns and waves to the audience and they do not give him....
Creed: Don't say it.
Fairbanks: OK.
Creed: A WARM reception. Sorry, I just had to do it myself. I'm just biding my time during this match. I'm waiting for Buffy and Faith.
Fairbanks: Please try and focus. Pyro with a bodyslam on Severn. Pyro has been controlling this match from the outset. Pyro comes of the ropes and drops an elbow on Severn. He goes for the pin.
Creed: Only a one count. Way too early to try a pin. Pyro tries to pick up Severn and Severn with a kick to the stomach and he tosses Pyro out of the ring. Pyro landed hard on the floor.
Fairbanks: Severn is back on his feet and dives through the ropes into Pyro who had gotten back to his feet. Both men are on the floor. The ref comes out to check on them. Both men are getting to their feet. Pyro goes for a dropkick but Severn moves. The ref took the brunt of that and he is down.
Creed: Serves him right. He should have stayed in the ring or disqualified Pyro.
Fairbanks: For what?
Creed: He could have come up with something. Pyro gives Severn a low blow. Severn is down and I'm guessing he will be staying down for awhile.
Fairbanks: Pyro is going to the barrier and is trying to get a chair from the audience. He has the chair and is turning back to Severn.
Creed: What the Hell? Did I just see an old lady jump over the barrier and bulldog Pyro onto the chair?
Fairbanks: I believe I'm having the same dream, because that's what I saw too. The old lady is helping up Severn and shaking his hand. Wait a second, I recognize that old lady. She is removing her disguise and it's..
Creed: Snake. It was Snake. He set Pyro up. He must be trying to send a message to him about their upcoming match.
Fairbanks: Severn and Snake roll Pyro back into the ring. Severn rolls under the ropes. Snake just leapt to the top turnbuckle and nailed Severn with the Snake-pit. What is going on here?
Creed: He just pulled Pyro on top of Severn. He slaps Pyro across the face and is telling him that he owes him one.
Fairbanks: Snake rolls the ref back in the ring. He begins counting. 1.2.3. That's it. Pyro has beaten Severn Stigmata in tonight's first match.
Creed: The man is still out in the ring. I don't think he even knows he won. Now we'll never get rid of him.
Fairbanks: We'll be right back with our Tag Title defense, but first a word from our sponsor about the new UCW video game and coming soon to UCW, "Full Frontal Nudity" and I'll leave it at that.
Winner by Pinfall
Pyromaniac
Buffy and Faith vs. Jack Heart and Kamchantaberry Ambergree
Tag Title Match
Creed: What is Full Frontal Nudity?
Fairbanks: I thought you would know with all your film experience.
Creed: For the last time, I was not in a movie with the Gay Bandit.
Fairbanks put his hand to his ear.
Fairbanks: What? We're back? OK. Welcome back to UCW Fury. Next up, we have a phenomenal tag team match between our current tag team champions...
Creed: Those two sexy bit..
Fairbanks: CREED!
Creed: What? I was going to say those darlings of the ring, Buffy and Faith.
Fairbanks: Sure you were.
Creed: I would have if they had given me the time of day. Since they didn't they are just two really hot bit..
Fairbanks: CREED!
Creed: What? Here come the challengers and what is that music I hear playing? Can it actually be "What a Beautiful World"? Who came up with that?
Fairbanks: I can only assume that Kamchantaberry Ambergree came up with it for a reason. And here he comes down the aisle in a pink chiffon robe?
Creed: Just when you thought the United Front had pushed the envelope, the bring out a whole new one. This is strange even to me. Here comes Jack Heart in a fur robe. Wait there's a sign on the back of the robe. No Beavers were killed in the making of this robe. They are still taking shots at Grayson and the Mad Maple.
Fairbanks: That might explain the twig in Ambergree's hand. They are in the ring and we are waiting on the champs.
Creed: Good God, what an explosion. I'm blinded by the pyro.
Fairbanks: Is he back out here? Oh, you meant the fireworks. Here comes Buffy and Faith with the tag titles. They get in the ring after that spectacular entrance and shake hands with the United Front. This should be one hell of a match.
Creed: They are in wrestling attire. What's up with that? Where is the g-string? Where is the leather corset?
Fairbanks: You had to ask. Kam has just taken of his robe and is wearing a leather corset.
Creed: Remind me not to ask anymore question tonight.
Fairbanks: I'll kill you if you do. Faith is smiling at Ambergree and proceeds to knock him out of the ring with a dropkick. Buffy and Faith grab Jack Heart and whip him into the ropes and deliver a double back drop. Heart hit the mat hard. He is still taking off that fur robe. He has it off and is back on his feet. He is wearing a shirt that says " JoeyLights - take my wife. Every one else has." I think the United Front is trying to insult everyone tonight.
Creed: I don't think Heart and Ambergree took this match seriously. Faith clotheslines Heart over the top rope. Ambergree slides back under the bottom rope only to be met with a stomp by Faith. Ambergree appears to be smiling. I think he is enjoying this.
Fairbanks: Faith whips Ambergree into her corner where Buffy lands a solid right hand. Kam staggers back and Faith hits him with a left. He staggers back into the corner to be met with another right. Ambergree hits the mat. Faith goes for the pin and jumps up very quickly.
Creed: Looks like Kam did cop a feel. That's a different way to break up a pin. Leg sweep by Kam drops Faith to the mat. Kam crawls toward his corner where Heart is waiting. Faith makes the tag first and Buffy cuts off Kam from making his tag. These two are showing some great team work, now how about showing some skin.
Fairbanks: You are incorrigible. Buffy is able to suplex Kam and she goes up to the second rope. Leg drop across Kam's throat. She goes for the cover. 1..2..Kickout by Ambergree.
Creed: This is turning out to be quite a match. Buffy whips Kam into the ropes and goes for another backdrop only to be met with a boot to the face. Kam lunges for his corner and makes the tag. Jack comes in and is met with a slap by Buffy.
Fairbanks: It looks like a trickle of blood coming from Jack's mouth but he is smiling also. He grabs Buffy and begins to spank her.
Creed: Tell the back that I want a copy of this match.
Fairbanks: Faith runs in and hits Heart in the back with a forearm. Buffy is now smiling. This is one strange match that we have. Buffy slaps Heart again and Heart slaps her back. I guess the love has gone out of this match.
Creed: Are you kidding? I think this is their idea of foreplay. Both bouce of the ropes and clothesline each other in the ring. Both are down on the mat. Kam is waving at Faith while she is urging Buffy to make a tag. They are both back up and both go for a dropkick at the same time. They are back down on the mat. The ref is counting. 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8
Fairbanks: Both make it back to their feet just in time. Buffy tries that slap one more time but Heart ducks and catches her in a belly to back suplex. He goes for the pin but Buffy has her foot on the ropes. Heart picks her up and kicks her in the stomach. He starts climbing the ropes. Looks like he is going for the Heartbreaker. Faith runs over knocks Heart's feet out from under him. He lands a straddle of the turnbuckle.
Creed: Now that has to hurt. Buffy is over in the corner and she hits Heart with the Faithless. What a move! Buffy goes for the pin. 1..2..
Fairbanks: Ambergree breaks up the pin. Do you hear something ?
Creed: Yes. I do. It sounds like...
Voice1: No, sir. I am not unhappy. I do not with to go with you, Sir. Please unhand me.
Voice2: You are unhappy. You just don't know it. Let me show you the way of Love.
Voice1: Mr. Diamond, please help me, sir. He won't let go.
Fairbanks: I'm pretty sure that the first voice was Toby and I won't guess about the second.
Creed: I happen to know that O'Gara is not in the building tonight so it would be a perfect time to strike against the United Front. Ambergree seems to be distracted and is heading across the ring. The ref thinks he is heading toward Faith and is trying to stop him.
Fairbanks: That is probably not a good idea. Kam just punched the referee and is heading for the back. Faith takes advantage of the distractions and comes off with a splash on Jack Heart. She pulls Buffy back on top of Heart. She is trying to revive the ref. He is calling for the bell.
Creed: He didn't count the pin. I'm betting he is disqualifying the United Front. Too bad. It appeared that Buffy and Faith could have won this one.
Fairbanks: They did win and retain those tag titles. They just didn't get the pin. I can't wait for these two teams to meet again. Heart and Buffy are both still down in the ring and Faith is checking on both of them but still looking to the back. Kam has not reappeared.
Creed: We have a camera back there, let's see if we can find out anything.
Fairbanks: What has happened? Ambergree is down and so is Ace Diamond. They are covered in a dark substance. I'm being told that it is Coke Slurpee, but where is Toby. Somebody has taken a shot at the United Front tonight and done a darn fine job of getting their attention. That's all the time we have this week folks. Come back for Mayhem when we'll have some more exciting matches.
Winners by DQ and Still Tag Team Champions
Buffy and Faith