Felicity: Welcome everyone, to UCW Monday Night Mayhem, yet another addition to the Monday Night Wars.
Boot: Can you believe it, we are beating WCW Nitro. New Era my ass, we are the new era around here.
F: Well, we are starting one, and tonight, two people will be a step closer to becoming UCW's first ever World and Internet Champions.
B: There is a lot at stake tonight, none of these four guys wants to lose tonight, after making it this far. But first, we have a match that is not for any titles, just simply for bragging rights. We have UCW newcomer and "flag ship" Russell, fighting one half of the Siema brothers, Thommy Siema.
F: Here comes one of them now, coming out to Limp Biskit's My Generation, and weighing in at 250 pounds, and standing at 6'6", is Russell.
B: This guy says he will be the flagship of UCW, I guess now it's time for him to put up or shut up.
F: Now, also coming in to Limp Biskit's My Generation ...
B: Oh, for the love of ...
F: *Ahem* yeah, but here comes Thommy Siema, standing at 6'7" and 287 pounds, and accompanied by his brother and tag team partner, Johnny Siema. This should be an interesting match up.
B: Have either of these two even heard of the Who?
F: Let it go Boot, the match is starting, both guys are circling each other.
B: Looks like the fire is out now! And Pyro is surprised ... he rolls into the ring to escape RJ. Johnny climbs onto the apron. Russell notices and takes a swing at Johnny, but Johnny ducks ...
F: If Johnny interferes, that could lead to a disqualification. They better watch out.
B: No, this is smart strategy, Thommy uses the distraction to get a shot in on Russell. Thommy is using a flury on pucnhes on Russell.
F: Irish whip by Thommy, but Russell ducks a clothesline, and responds with a cross body block, there is a cover, 1 ... 2 ... no, Thommy kicks up.
B: Johnny is cheering on Thommy on the outside. I should note that Thommy and Johnny will be teaming up in the 4-way tag title match on next Thursday Fury. You got to bet that all three of those other teams are watching this match to scout Thommy and his brother.
F: Speak of the devil, here come two of them now, it's Star King and Crazy Ivan. They run down the aisle and attack Johnny Siema from behind.
B: Star King climbs into the ring and attacks Thommy, right n front of the referee. The referee calls for the bell, it looks like Thommy is going to win this match by DQ.
F: Russell don't look happy about this, but the Siemas continue brawling with Ivan and Star King. This match has been thrown out. Now here comes somebody else, it's ... the Crazed Killer and Shadow. What is that Crazed Killer has?
B: It looks like shopping cart full of weapons, things are going to heat in here real quick. Shadow and Ck are throwing weapons into the ring, I think I see a broom, a mop, a guitar, and who knows what else is in there?
F: Shadow grabs a broom and nails Ivan across the back with it, and the Siemas are teaming up on Star. CK has a hold of the guitar and his getting set to nail some one with it. He pretends to play for a second, winds up ...
B: Hey! Russell just stopped the Crazed Killer from hitting some one. Looks time he is telling him off for interupting his match, and making him lose by DQ.
F: CK shrugs his shoulders, thinks for a second ... and smashes the guitar over the head of Russell! Well, there goes our flag ship. We'll be right back, hopefully with our next match. That is if we can restore order in that ring.
Felicity: We are back, and there is still a major brawl going on in the ring. But we are supposed to have Crazed Killer vs RJ Souza going on right now. But instead, we have the Siemas, Star King and Crazy Ivan, and Crazed Killer and Shadow brawling all over the place. Several referees ...
Boot: Yeah, both of them!
F: ... and UCW officials ...
B: Officials? That's us!
F: I never said they were succeeding in restoring order, I just said they were trying.
B: Now here comes Pyromaniac and his partner Patch. Why not? Every body else from the four way on Thursday is here, why not them?
F: In the ring, Crazed Killer in kneeing Crazy Ivan in the corner. Patch runs to attack Shadow on the outside, and Pyro attacks CK from behind.
B: RJ Souza is walking towards the ring. I guess he wants his match to get under way, because the winner of this match with the Crazed Killer, and the winner of Falcon and TWIST later in the evening, both go to the finals, and are guaranteed to walk away with a belt on Thursday.
F: On the inside of the ring, Ck and Pyro are trading blows, Thommy Siema pulls Crazy Ivan to the outside, leaving only CK and Pyro in the ring. CK with a massive punch knocks Pyro to the ground ... and outside, Johnny Siema nails Shadow with a chair, knocking him to the ground.
B: Killer notices RJ waiting on the outside. He motions to RJ to get in the ring and start their match. RJ walks slowly to the ring ... wait a minute, Patch is climbing into the ring, and Pyro is getting up and taking something from his shorts.
F: Ck notices Pyro getting up, turns to him ... and Pyro throws a fire ball into the face of the Crazed Killer! Oh My God! Now here comes Patch! He kicks the blinded CK in the stomach ... Patch Bomb! Patch Bomb! Patch Bomb! This is the greatest night in wrestling history right here!
B: Wow, all three right in a row, that has to be a record for you Felicity.
F: I've been practising ... but now RJ is in the ring, he grabs a referee and orders him to start the match. RJ covers CK ... 1 ... 2 ... 3! RJ Souza has won the match ... I didn't know it even started! This is wild, this is crazy, this is UCW!
B: Patch gets his revenge on CK, and RJ makes it to the finals. What a night, and it's not over yet. We'll be right back with more UCW action.
Prez Boot: Welcome back to Mayhem everyone, we're just getting ready to start the much anticipated second round match between Falcon and Twist. Boy Felicity, these two sure put on a show in their respective first round matches didn't they?
Felicity: I'll say, Falcon defeating Star King and Twist defeating Bruiser. Bruiser being put off the active roster indefinately with an injury.
Prez Boot: As we get ready to start this second round match "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath plays and Falcon appears at the entrance.
VP Felicity: And he has Raine with him too. She calls herself a valet? I was twice the valet she was when I escorted . . . . you know . . . . Rob to the ring.
Prez Boot: That's alright Felicity, I've gotten over his death. It's been about six months.
VP Felicity: But we don't know that he's actually dead. When you asked me to be your Vice President we had an understanding that it was only until Rob came back. You may have lost hope but I haven't.
Prez Boot: Anyway, Falcon is in the ring awaiting his opponent Twist. . . . . . Twist's music is playing . . . . . . so where is he?
VP Felicity: I don't know, wait a minute, Twist is behind Falcon and lands a hanging neckbreaker. Twist was waiting under the ring!
Prez Boot: I wonder how long he was down there? Wait, remember when I said it wasn't me who cut the cheese, and you said it must have been me cause there was nobody else around? It must have been Twist!
VP Felicity: C'mon Boot, we all know it was you! Twist picks Falcon up and whips him into the ropes. Falcon ducks Twist clothsline, leaps over Twists back body drop attempt and nails Twist with a spear.
Prez Boot: What an energetic start to this match. Falcon keeps the momentum going by stomping on Twist. He then grabs Twists leg, It's a figure four leglock!!
VP Felicity: This could be all over! Is Twist tapping? He seems determined to continue to the finals. He's trying to crawl to the ropes. He's almost there. Oh but Falcon drags him back to the center of the ring.
Prez Boot: But Twist isn't tapping, how much longer can he hold on? what's this? Star King's music is playing. Falcon beat Star King last Thursday, but where's Star King. Falcon lets Twist go and stares at the entrance.
VP Felicity: Twist gets up and hits Falcon from behind. He kicks him in the gut and nails a ddt. I don't think Star King is comming at all. I think it was all a ruse to distract Falcon.
Prez Boot: Not bad, I must say I'm impressed that Twist would have that much inginuity. I wonder what other tricks he has up his sleeve.
VP Felicity: Twist goes for the pin, 1 . . . 2 . . . oh it was soooo close. But Falcon just got the shoulder up. This is a very evenly matched battle.
Prez Boot: You're not kidding, Twist picks falcon up and sends Falcon stumbling back with a jaw breaker. Followed by a kick to the gut and a swinging neckbreaker. Twist hooks the leg, 1 . . . 2 . . . 3 No Falcon kicked out again.
VP Felicity: Falcon just managed to get his shoulder up that time. He seems to be running out of energy. Twist has Falcon up again and sends him to the mat with a side russian leg sweep. What's this? Raine just handed Falcon a lead pipe. And now she's distracting the referee.
Prez Boot: Lucky for Falcon we rented these referee's from WCW, they don't see anything. Falcon gets to his feet and swings at Twist, but Twist ducks. Twist kicks Falcon in the gut, Falcon drops the pipe. Twist picks it up and nails Falcon with it.
VP Felicity: Falcon is out cold, but Twist isn't going for the pin! I thinks he's going for his finishing move, Twisted!
Prez Boot: Yep, he has Falcon on his shoulders and WHAM!!! piledrives Falcon into the mat. Twist covers, 1 . . . 2 . . . 3. And The winner by pinfall Twist.
VP Felicity: Coming up next is our mystery main event. So c'mon Boot, tell me who the combatants are.
Prez Boot: We'll all find out after these messages from our sponsors.
VP Felicity: Welcome back to our special surprise Main Event. Prez Boot is in the ring to announce the participants.
Prez Boot: Thank you Felicity, ladies and gentleman, as you all know my car was brutally destroyed last week. Needless to say I was upset. Unfortunately the person or persons involved didn't turn themselves in. If they had I may have been lenient. And thanks to out new state-of-the-art surveillance system we have discovered the culprit was one of our own UCW superstars, it was Shadow! So Shadow, why don't you come out here for a little chat.
VP Felicity: Shadows music hits and Shadow appears at the entrance. As usual, he is accompanied by his valet Lilith.
Shadow: Make this quick, I'm a busy man.
Prez Boot: Oh I'll be quick alright, and you indeed will be busy. I've decided to book you in a very special learn some damn respect match, right here in this very ring.
VP Felicity: Shadow: I can take anybody you throw at me.
Prez Boot: Oh, you've never wrestled anybody like this before. He's ruthless, he's relentless, he's the most feared man in sports entertainment, he's . . . . . . . . . THE GAY BANDIT!!!!!!
VP Felicity: Shadow backs away from the entrance as the lights dim and "It's Raining Men" by the weather girls blasts over the sound system. Shadow gasps in horror as his opponent emerges from the back. He's a small man, 5'8" and about 140 lbs. He wears a red bandana over his face, a small black childs size leather cowboy jacket, black leather chaps, and a blue thong as his ring attire. he is covered from head to toe in glitter and speaks in a very effeminated voice.
font color = white>Gay Bandit: Heeellllooooooo Shadow!
VP Felicity: Welcome back Boot, wow, look at shadow run.
Prez Boot: He's running like an investment banker through Harlem, like a lawyer after an ambulance, like a t-bone steak from George Foreman, like a . . . . . .
VP Felicity: Don't forget we have a match to announce.
Prez Boot: Hold on, just one more. Like a working angle from Disco Inferno.
VP Felicity: Yeah, he does kinda suck. Shadows in the ring waiting for his opponent who's still walking down the ramp. What's taking him so long?
Prez Boot: He keep dropping something , I think it's a bar of soap. (shutter)
VP Felicity: Gay Bandit finally slides into the ring and the bell sounds. And Shadow stomps on him early trying to get the early advantage. This may be a good strategy for Shadow.
Prez Boot: I agree, if you give the Gay Bandit an opening he'll go for it.
VP Felicity: Eeeeewwww! That was a bad one Boot.
Prez Boot: Whatchyou talk'n 'bout Felicity!
VP Felicity: Anyway, back to the match as Shadow picks GB up and slams him down. He follows with an elbow drop and goes for the pin. 1 . . . and a kick out before the two. Way too early.
Prez Boot: He really wants this match to be over, GB has a nasty habit of ruining wrstlers careers.
VP Felicity: Him? Really? How?
Prez Boot: After being violated by GB you're never the same again.
VP Felicity: Shadow whips GB into the ropes and sends him to the mat with a shoulder block. Picks him up and whips him into the ropes again, tries for a clothesline, GB ducks, off the ropes and into a spinning heel kick.
Prez Boot: What a move by GB, I didn't think he had it in him. But can he take advantage? GB goes to the tope rope, Moonsault! Oh, but Shadow rolls out of the way.
VP Felicity: Did you see GB's face just bounce off of the mat? What an impact!
Prez Boot: Shadow now stomping on GB, and Bandit rolls out of the ring.
VP Felicity: GB is trying to catch a break, but Shadow is right on his tail. He isn't going to let Bandit regain his composure.
Prez Boot: Shadow grabs a chair! He'll be disqualified. Shadow raises the chair, oh and GB stops him with a low blow!
VP Felicity: This may be the opening GB needs!
Prez Boot: Heh heh, you said opening.
VP Felicity: Oh grow up! GB slides Shadow into the ring and climbs to the top turnbuckle. High risk move coming up.
Prez Boot: Shadow gets to his feet only to receive a devastating drop kick from GB. Bandit picks Shadow up and plants a hurricanranna. He picks Shadow up once more and slaps him upside his face.
VP Felicity: Bitch slap! Bitch Slap! Oh my god it's the Bitch Slap!!
Prez Boot: And we both know what's coming next. GB whips Shadow face first into the corner. It's time to be violated!
VP Felicity: GB heads to the corner with a full head of steam, and Lilith pulls Shadow out of the ring at the last second. She just saved Shadow from the single most humiliating move imaginable.
Prez Boot: Sorry folks, but we're out of time. Until Thursday I'm Boot and this is Felicity and you've been watching UCW Monday Mayhem!!